Please remember that I don't know anything about trauma treatment, so my character Dr. Shen is probably off from a professional POV. Hope you like her anyway.

In the morning Jack insisted that she should head back to the SGC, telling her that he would be fine on his own. He agreed to her dropping in in the evening and to calling her if there were any problems. She doubted that he would, but knew she couldn't – and probably shouldn't – babysit him 24/7. She was called to General Hammond's office as soon as she reached the base.

"Have a seat, Major", the general said. "I know this might be difficult for you and I certainly don't want you to breach your CO's trust, but I need to know how you assess Colonel O'Neill's state. Dr. Fraiser says she has a bad feeling about him being at home. Just tell me – do you think it's safe for him?"

Sam thought about it for a while. No way would she tell the general what Jack was going through in detail. But that wasn't what he had asked, right? Did she think Jack was in danger of doing something stupid?

"Yes, sir, I think it's safe. He's still shaken, but I think it's good for him to be at home. I doubt that he would...well I think as long as we are there for him, that arrangement is going to work."

"Thank you, major. That's sufficient for me."

After Sam had left George Hammond sat back in his chair and sighed. It was sufficient for him – but it wouldn't be for those in charge. Not for long. So he picked up the phone and dialed his 2IC's number.

"No way. Sir."

Hammond briefly closed his eyes. Of course. Jack wouldn't comply and he couldn't blame him.

"Jack, I know you don't like Dr. MacKenzie very much, but I just can't put it off much longer. Maybe if you just talked to him once that might be enough."

"I can't, sir. Please don't make me do that."

That was unexpected. George had assumed Jack would rant at him about the detested psychiatrist, but instead he sounded troubled, almost scared. He considered for a moment.

"Would you be willing to talk to someone else? Someone you choose yourself?"

He could almost hear Jack roll his eyes.

"I don't have much choice, do I?"

"Only in the person, not in the matter, I'm afraid. And Jack – do it soon."

~o0o~

When Sam sat in Jack's living-room that evening he was somber. After a while she realized that he wouldn't talk, so she asked him what it was.

"I need a shrink."

Sam almost choked on the water she had been sipping. What?

"At least the air force thinks I do."

Ouch.

"So, you are ordered to see MacKenzie, sir?"

Jack let out a sigh.

"Apparently General Hammond is willing to spare me that shrink. But I'll have to find another."

Sam thought about it for a moment.

"Does he have to be USAF, sir?"

"He would have to be a woman, Carter. No way will I discuss this with a man. Hell I don't even talk to Daniel."

He took a sip from his bottle.

"And no, as long as I don't give away classified information I'm allowed to talk to a civilian."

Sam looked uncomfortable but finally brought herself to say:

"There is something I need to tell you, sir. Please don't be mad and hear me out."

He raised an eyebrow at her but didn't speak.

"I have been talking to someone about you. Of course I didn't tell her who you were, but I did tell her what I think has happened to you. And I described the state you had been in. Please, this must feel like another breach of trust, but I didn't know how to deal with the situation, I was worried sick, and that's why I turned to someone who had helped me before, someone I trusted. Her name is Dr. Shen, and I went to see her for a while after my mother had died. Maybe she could be the right person for you to talk to, sir."

Holding her breath she waited for his reaction. He didn't speak for a while. Then he pulled himself together.

"You trust her?"

"Yes, sir, I do."

"Well, so who am I to disagree."

So that was settled.

~o0o~

The young dark haired woman behind the desk looked up at him with a smile. Her name tag read "Amy".

"Hello Sir. What can I do for you?"

"My name is Jack O'Neill, I have an appointment with Dr. Shen."

"Yes, Mr. O'Neill. Please take a seat, she'll be with you in a moment. Would you like coffee?"

He considered for a moment, but declined. He was nervous enough without caffeine.

About ten minutes later a door opened and a middle aged woman entered the waiting area. She smiled warmly at him and said:

"Mr. O'Neill?"

"Yes. But please don't call me that. Nobody calls me Mr. O'Neill, ma'am."

Her smile widened.

"Right, you're air force. What's your rank?"

"I'm a colonel, but since you're civilian of course you don't have to use that."

"But you're more comfortable with it?"

He nodded.

"OK, so, Colonel O'Neill, please follow me."

They got seated at her desk. He studied her briefly. She was tall, with ash blond hair and green eyes. He had assumed she would be of Asian descend. Maybe she was married to an Asian man.

"So, colonel, I admit Sam telling me about you is a little unusual. But then she's an unusual woman of course. Do you serve together?"

"Yes, we do. She might have told you that what we do is classified, so I won't be able to give you all the details."

Dr. Shen nodded.

"Will I need them in order to help you?"

"I don't think so."

"OK, so why don't you tell me what you can?"

"Well, I was in pretty bad shape after my last mission, and now I'm not sleeping too well. If I ever want to be on active duty again, I'll have to sort that out."

"And do you want to be on active duty again?"

Jack was irritated for a moment. Of course he wanted back into the field! It was what he did. Wasn't it?

"Sure! Besides there's not that much else I'm good at. I've been a military man all my life."

When the doc didn't say anything he snapped:

"What, you already made up your mind? You think I should retire? I've had nightmares before, doctor. I'll live."

"I won't tell you what to do, colonel. I guess you don't appreciate being told what to do."

"I'm a soldier, ma'am. I'm used to it."

"And do you like it? You never had trouble obeying orders?"

He snorted.

"My superiors can tell you a thing or two about that. I'm a bad subordinate."

"Still you made colonel. People seem to be willing to follow your lead, which tells me you're a strong personality."

He didn't comment on that, so she asked:

"What do I need to know about you, colonel?"

"Well – I'm air force, leader of a front line team. I used to be black-ops when I was younger. I'm not anymore, but still most of what I do is classified. Outside the job there's not much about me."

"Any family?"

"No. I used to be married."

"Are you in a relationship?"

"No."

"OK, so what about the nightmares?"

"Like I said, I had nightmares before."

"What brings you to me then?"

"My commanding officer. It was either someone I chose myself or our resident shrink. Sorry."

"You didn't want to talk to him?"

"No way. I can't stand the guy."

"OK, so it seems it's me you have to talk to then. What triggered the dreams?"

"I don't know. You tell me."

"Did something unusual happen recently?"

Jack's smile was bitter.

"I don't remember the last time something usual happened in my line of work. Look, I'm sorry. It's not your fault that I suck at this. I'm grateful you agreed to see me at short notice. I need a clean bill of health so I can get back to the job."

"OK then let's get down to business. What happened?"

"I was taken prisoner on a recent mission. Let's say it was in Egypt. It wasn't, but the real destination is classified. Something had gone wrong and I got separated from my team. By the time they got me out my hosts had had a little fun with me."

"Are you saying you were tortured?"

"Yeah, I was. Wasn't the first time that happened either. But there was something else."

She sensed that he didn't want to elaborate, so she was deliberately careful.

"Can you tell me what that was?"

"They – used me."

"You mean sexual abuse?"

"I'd rather say it qualifies as rape."

He spat the word, and Dr. Shen wasn't sure if his disgust was directed at the culprits or at himself.

"So that's what the dreams are about?"

"See – that's strange. I'd understand it if I saw that place, those people. But I don't. It's just brief scenes, images, but it's enough to know that they don't fit 'Egypt'".

"Maybe it's not the recent trauma you are dealing with, but an old one."

"What, you're saying these things keep happening to me?"

"It doesn't necessarily have to be something sexual, not even physical. Maybe you felt manipulated psychologically. Forced to do something against your will."

"Doctor, if we were to discuss every incident in which I had to do something I didn't want to we would have to relive my career. And I've been through some pretty nasty stuff and always dealt with it my way, with or without nightmares. This is different. I'm afraid that thing I'm not remembering was quite similar to "Egypt". So: why did it happen again?"

"Maybe both times the culprits saw something in you that challenged them."

"Wait, are you saying it's my fault?"

"No, it's not. You have been violated. Such a thing is never anyone's fault but those who carry out the abuse. But since you wonder what both incidents have in common – you're a dominant person, used to lead and to give orders. Strong, active, not scared easily. A sadistic personality might be challenged by that, and being in a position of power, enjoy bringing you into subjection."

Jack didn't like what he heard, but he had to admit there might be some truth in it. It was true that he tended to challenge his captors. Usually he did it to make sure they concentrated on him instead of his team. In "Egypt" he had been alone. And he hadn't actually done much at all.

"Are you sure you don't remember anything similar to 'Egypt' happening before?"

Jack shook his head.

"Try to focus on the feeling of the nightmare instead of the images. Is it always the same? Does it change over the course of the dream? Try to remember what it feels like. Have you ever felt like it before?"