A/N: This... is an AU for my current AU "Gothix". It's something that could happen, but won't. It's set in the same universe, but isn't at the same time, if you get what I mean? It's basically a character exercise that I really liked, so I'm posting it! YAY! Wheeeee... Not.

Eight: The Old Cliché is True

There's one thing they never tell you when teaching axioms and clichés in school. They're true. If I had ever known that heartbreak actually felt like this… I'd have never put it up for the sacrifice.

XxXxXxX

It was something stupid that broke us up. I can't remember what it was. I just remember him saying, 'We need to talk', and I scrammed. I turned and ran. I remember that.

I was scared. I didn't want to lose the one thing that kept me sane, kept me up… held me to this ground, that kept me from falling so far away that I wasn't even who I was supposed to be anymore. The one person who made me feel good about myself.

No, I didn't want to lose that. I was so scared. So fucking scared.

I mean, come on! Was that an overreaction? I mean, the deathblow to any relationship is 'I want to talk'. It's almost a cliché in itself! So I kept running. It's what I'm best at; running away from those I care about and the problems I just don't want to face.

I decided to take the bus home, to my apartment instead of riding home with him to his. I turned my iPod up, washing away my anxiety in screaming bass lines and loud drums.

I walked into my apartment to hear my phone ringing. I answered it, "Yes?"

"You didn't pick up your cell phone."

"S-sorry…" I flinched at his voice. He called me? He never calls me.

I stayed quite for the longest time before he spoke up.

"I… Well, I think that… I mean, you never…"

I sat, listening to his excuses the entire time, my eyes widening with shock, tears blurring my vision. "I don't get it."

"You told Sakura you were worried that I'd break up with you."

"It was only a passing thought!" I chimed, hands shaking.

"I said we needed to talk."

"…Are you going to say it?"

"As long as you know what I'm talking about, it's mutual."

"If you don't have the common decency to tell me, then I don't want to listen to a word you have to say!" I cried, slamming the phone down onto its base. I hung up on him. It was over, really over. I'd been too happy, I realized, to see how unworthy I was. Of course he'd break up with me.

Tears came heavily now, and I could barely see or breath as I pulled out my phone, punching in Watanuki's number, which was, strangely enough, the only number I remembered.

"Yeah? What's going on?"

"I… I…!"

"What's wrong?!" Worry seeped into his voice, and it was easy for me to visualize how he would be standing and acting, wherever he was.

I explain the situation to him haltingly, then sobbed until I could not anymore. Then I end the call.

I remember curling up in bed that night, exhausted by crying and the crippling loneliness.

XxXxXxX

After a month or so avoiding him staunchly, I break down and call someone. It doesn't matter. Not one of my friend friends, but someone I like enough to talk to this with. I call a girl whose name I can't remember, but she's pretty, with caramel skin and short hair. She's on the basketball team herself, and I remember meeting her trying to get close to… him…

"I think I'm going to ask him out again," I confide slowly, frowning against the phone's speaker.

She sighs, "Do what you want to, but I think I should tell you that I like him too."

"What?"

"A lot of people like him, Fai. Don't be dense."

"Why didn't you tell him? I thought you liked Tomoyo or something."

"I did. But I've liked him for a long time. I gave up because you were dating him."

"Mm."

"Are you mad?"

I think for a minute. I'm surprised, but not mad. "No."

"I'd like to tell him, so after you do, can I?"

I think more. "Yeah," I say slowly. Not because I don't care if she goes out with him or not, but simply because I think there's no way in hell he won't turn me down. The way we came together was so easy that it had to be that it was fate, kismet; we were made for each other. I let the matter pass.

XxXxXxX

I lean against the lockers, my back pressed into the cold metal. My face is hot. I can't look anywhere but him, however. I smile softly, and he moves forward, then stops.

"Feels like I'm about to rape you."

"Oh my!" I cry, raising my hands in defense. I laugh softly, then let my hands fall. I won't tell him that I would let him, I would gladly let him.

"What did you want to talk about?"

"Um… well," I say softly, my face heating even more. The sound around me fades, and my stomach feels funny, like it's rising into my chest. "I know I'm stupid, so I do stupid things, and I'm jealous a lot, and I don't always pay enough attention to the things I should and I'm stupid… and well, I'm sorry. I really am. I'm sorry for what I did and said, and I want you to know… that I… I really, really like you, and I wanted to know… if you wanted to go back out with me?" I say, chewing on my lip.

He froze, the kind half-smile he held for half of my monologue sliding slowly from his features. "Oh… well, I… I'm… not interested at this point. I'm not interested in dating. Maybe some other time we could try again. See, I… I want to try being friends first. We were never friends before. I didn't like not talking to you and… Sorry, I don't want to. It's nothing you did, it's just how I feel, so…Can we just be friends?"

I swallow, forcing a smile on my grim face. I feel something heavy fall from the back of my throat, settling low in my body. I feel all my blood rush somewhere that's not my body, I feel empty. "Yeah, I… I understand," I whisper, almost too quiet for me to understand. I turn from him, walking slowly back to my crowd of friends.

"Why's my stuff on the floor?" I cry jovially, forcing myself into my routine like nothing ever happened. Sakura stares at me, an eyebrow raised. I hook arms with her, laughing loudly, trying not to make it sound too loud, "I got shot down! Shot down!" I sing to her, "No biggie!"

As I make my way to homeroom, I see the girl who I spoke with and waved, "Rejected," I say, crossing my arms above my face.

Be happy. Be happy. Be happy.

Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry.

You have friends. You have something. Don't make them worry.

You're fine. You are fine!

I slide into my desk behind Sakura, my skin growing clammy. I shudder, a familiar feeling sliding through my body.

I want it. I need the warmth from it. I need to let this ugly feeling out of my body. I kneed a knife. My head sways and my eyes grow heavy and I lay my head down on my desk and cry a little.

It helps… a little bit.

XxXxXxX

The next morning, that girl pulls him aside, and I turn my back, showing Watanuki a video I downloaded the night before.

Don't look, don't look.

After five minutes of spontaneous ranting, I turn, in time to see him hug her tightly.

I feel sick.

XxXxXxX

My first feeling is betrayal. She never said she was going to ask him out, just confess. How could he turn me down? That's the only reason I told her she could.

Then anger. Bitch! Bastard! I want to scream and punch them in the face. I HATE YOU. Then I turn the anger upon myself. If only I hadn't done that! If only I had begged the first time! If only, if only! But he was the one who said yes! If you wanted friendship then, why did you say yes?! I want to drive a knife into my skin, tearing apart my self until I get to my heart and pull it, beating, from my heart, and cut out that spot that has his name carved so deep! I pitch a hissy fit at lunch, screaming and crying, throwing food and books, finally leaning against a friend of mine's chest.

Then… nothing. I will not scream, I will not cry. I will not let them know they have hurt me in anyway. I will go on. I look up at my friend, dully remembering that she had had a crush on him before my ex. "Hey," I say, "I had a crush on you, but didn't do anything while I was going out with him… would you like to go out with me?"

My friend blinks, then smiles, "Sure, why not?"

Nothing. No spark, no happiness. I still feel alone.

XxXxXxX

I sit on the floor of my apartment, eyes blank. My face feels hot, but the rest of my body is clammy and cold. My mind is exhausted, and my eyes burn. There's a dull throb in my chest, closing it.

The center of my chest tightens and a stab of muted pain beats in this little ball that tightens there. Every breath I take gets harder, the tumor of pain extending its poisonous tentacles around my lungs. Every throb brings thoughts of him to my mind, tears to my eyes, and more chill to my skin.

He can't be seriously going out with her. Leaving me alone.

I can't do that. I can't be without him, I won't know how to live.

Another throb.

He is the only one I have ever dared to want, the only one I've ever dreamed of, the only person I've ever desired. The other girls and boys, nothing. He is the only constant.

Another throb, more painful.

I've heard the cliché, but I never gave it much thought. But it truly feels like my heart is breaking; every beat without him ripping a shred from my heart, throwing it away somewhere, wrenching everything apart.

I don't know if I can take this heartbreak any longer.