Riding the Rails or On the Right Track
The three stared at the gravel lot filled with old tires and trash.
"It's an empty lot," Righty said bluntly. "I told you they had it in for me."
Lefty rolled her eyes. "Use your nose."
Jack sniffed the air. "I smell alcohol and cigarettes."
The two girls looked at him, impressed.
Lefty smiled. "Are you sure you're not Clan?"
Jack shrugged. "My parents looked like normal humans and if they ever told me about being part demon I've forgotten about it."
"Well I've never met a human with a decent sense of smell before, so you might have at least a little of the Clan in your background," Righty offered.
"It's possible I guess, but I have no idea how I'd find out."
"There's probably some easy spell that'll tell you species," Lefty suggested.
"Something to look into later," Jack agreed. "So, how do we get in?"
Lefty shrugged. "Just step forward I guess. It's probably invisible to people who haven't seen it before. My uncle told me about places warded that way."
Jack walked forward, vanishing from sight before returning a moment later and waving them in. "It's safe."
The two girls shifted and stepped forward, a building appearing with Jack holding open the door for them – showing a bar scene George Lucas would have needed a week to craft.
Lorne noticed the three as they stepped in the door. He may not have needed to worry about his liquor license getting pulled, but he did have standards. "Hello, welcome to Caritas. I'm Lorne your host and you three are adorable – but obviously underage so don't try ordering anything with alcohol or guava."
Jack raised an eyebrow. "I get the alcohol, but guava?"
Lorne smiled cheerfully. "Fun fact, it acts like an aphrodisiac for the two girls with you, although it does increase their healing rate. Just avoid all sports and energy drinks and you'll be fine."
The girls blushed and nodded at Xander's questioning look. Lefty stepped forward shyly, "My aunt told me you could help us?"
"Sure pumpkin, what do you need help with?" the green skinned, red horned demon wearing a shiny goldenrod colored suit asked.
"I don't know," Lefty admitted, as she knew nothing about Lorne or why the aunts would refer her to him.
"Ah..." Lorne nodded, as if that made perfect sense. "Well, that I can help you with."
Righty and Jack just stared at the two and wondered if it made as little sense to other people as it did to them.
Seeing the confusion on their faces it seemed someone left out a critical bit of information. "I am an anagogic demon. What that means to you is that you sing and I read your destiny. Now before you say anything, let me explain; reading your destiny is not like reading the future. Reading your destiny is more like reading your resume and a bunch of want ads. I can tell you what you should be doing, and people and places of significance to your path - but I don't have all the answers and the questions tend to change from day to day. So, while I can give you a nudge in the right direction I can't give you step by step instructions."
"Sounds loads better than a seer," Righty offered with a smile.
"How much does it cost?" Jack asked.
"It doesn't cost you dears a thing. Being the host is my destiny, and the Powers that Be gave me my club in return for doing it; as well as passage out of Pylea."
"Pylea?" Lefty asked curiously.
"A horrible place, it's primitive and everyone runs around carrying swords and lice. Humans are enslaved and called cows, which while a step up above how their treated in most hell dimensions still sucks. Worst of all – music is banned, so rest assured hon; when my destiny came calling I answered."
Jack grinned, finding himself liking the Host who, while a demon, reminded Jack of some of the more … flamboyant Vegas entertainers he'd seen on TV.
"That explains why demons are singing karaoke," Righty said as she watched a mixed group of demons sing YMCA.
Lorne shook his head. "They aren't here to get their destinies read, they're here because they always sing karaoke before going bowling."
"They bowl?" Jack asked, shocked.
"Yeah, the spiky one on the end is a brachen and he's managed three perfect games this year alone. They heard the Japanese use karaoke to encourage teamwork and boom – league champs. So they never miss a week, karaoke's fun and entertaining; especially when you can get a friend drunk and convince him to sing. On the average I get less than a dozen people in asking for readings a day, but tons singing karaoke."
"You need any wait staff?" Jack asked, thinking it sounded like a fun place to work.
"Not at the moment bubala, but if your singing suggests working here I'll find room."
Lefty nervously spoke up, "Um, what do we sing?"
"Anything, although I'd suggest picking something you enjoy because karaoke should be fun."
Jack scratched his head. "I don't know what I like."
"Amnesia," Righty explained at Lorne's confused look.
"How about a duet?" Lefty asked suddenly, blushing as Jack looked over at her.
"Sounds like fun," Jack agreed.
"Yeah," Righty chimed in. "That could be fun."
"I seem to know a lot of themes to TV shows," Jack offered with a grin.
In the end, the girls got him to sing a couple of country songs that were made for duets and he made them both sing the Green Acres theme song with him, which the crowd loved.
Lorne was taking a deep drink of something with way too many umbrellas in it when they returned to the bar where he was waiting for them. "You want it done as a group right? I'll warn you now kiddles, your destinies are a doozy."
"Is that good or bad?" Righty asked.
"Both." Lorne said, "If you were planning quiet lives of desperation in some nameless suburb you're out of luck. Your actions both large and small will change people's lives."
Jack leaned forward, obviously interested.
"So our destinies are tied in together?" Lefty asked hopefully.
"Of course, have no worries on that score pumpkin. Neither of these two are the type to leave a friend – even if destiny said leave they'd stay."
"You can change your destiny?" Righty asked curiously.
"Sure puddin, destiny is all about the choices you make. Free will is what decides destiny, which is why I used the resume and want ads example. In the end you decide what it is."
Jack found himself smiling.
"Remember I don't know what only where and when, now I have two addresses for you; the first address is for a cousin of mine. He makes ID's for those of us who immigrate here. The second address is for a hotel, it's been closed since the fifties I think; used to be a grand place but the one time I saw the place it reminded me of that hotel from The Shining."
Righty accepted the paper from Lorne and passed it to Lefty.
"Thank you," Jack said, extending his hand to shake Lorne's.
"Don't thank me hon, I've just sped up what you would have ended up doing anyway. Remember, you kids are welcome here anytime – but no drinking until you're actually of age."
Righty smiled. "Thanks all the same, you've been very helpful."
"Happy to have been of service, just remember you have to be at the hotel at noon; now shoo!"
The sun hit them in the eyes as they left the club, the odor of nicotine and alcohol being replaced with vehicle exhaust and burnt oil.
Jack smiled. "I love sunrise, it makes me feel lucky to be alive."
Lefty looked at him closely. "Are you sure you're not a hunter?"
Jack shrugged. "I think I may have known some, but all I can say for sure is one girl I know really didn't like vamps."
Righty nodded. "No arguments here, I'm not fond of them either. Corpses belong in the ground."
"Amen," Jack agreed. "I only remember meeting a couple of vamps so far, but I haven't liked a single one."
"The address for new ID's isn't too far, let's get that out of the way then we can check on the hotel," Lefty suggested.
Jack nodded. "Sounds like a plan, but since we'll need to get our pictures taken for the ID's let's get a motel room shower and change our clothes first. My treat," he promised.
Righty examined him mock suspiciously. "Are you sure this isn't a trick to get us into bed?"
"You got me," Jack deadpanned. "This entire thing has been a complete setup, with most of the special effects subcontracted to Hollywood and my good twin standing in for me earlier, so I could lure you off and satiate my dark lusts."
Righty smiled and wrapped an arm around his waist. "It's so nice to be wanted."
Lefty giggled and Jack couldn't help but laugh himself as they entered a nearby hotel, which not only boasted hourly rates but also appeared to be new and seedy – quite an accomplishment for a new hotel.
"I'm thinking we should get a nap too," Lefty suggested, knowing that all three of them were feeling a little run down after all the excitement and worry they'd gone through.
"Key for six hours, please," Righty requested of the clerk, since they didn't have offer doubles.
The clerk didn't even bat an eye as he took Jack's money and slid a key across the counter. Of course, part of that could be because he was watching some strange cartoon where young girls, with breasts a stripper would kill for, were waving small dildos, Jack noted as the girls drug him off.
"You've never seen Sailor Moon?" Lefty asked as she unlocked the door to their room.
The three fell silent as they took in the room; a heart shaped king sized waterbed sat in the center of the floor its glowing red satin sheets matching the décor of the room and a bright red hot tub in the corner.
"Holy shit, someone gutted Cupid and used his entrails to decorate a room!" Righty burst out.
Jack and Lefty immediately burst out laughing, despite finding the description rather fitting.
"Dibs on the first shower," Jack called with a grin as he rushed through the room and into the bathroom.
"Hey!" the two girls complained in unison as he shut the door.
The lights in the room dimmed and the two realized that the full sized mirror next to the bathroom door was in fact a two way mirror and that whoever designed this room was very kinky and expected the occupants to be as well.
Jack came out of the bathroom feeling a little guilty about taking so long but he'd needed to shave so his ID picture wouldn't come out looking like a hood.
The girls however already looked like they'd cleaned up and were in their sleepwear. Lefty had a set of flannel pajamas a bit too large for her, and Righty had a t-shirt that came down to her knees.
"We used the hot tub," Righty explained at his questioning glance.
Jack figured the water must have been a bit too hot as both girls were pretty red.
"I put in a wakeup call for 10," Lefty said. "That'll give us plenty of time to meet up with Lorne's cousin for ID's and give us plenty of time to get to the hotel on time."
Righty yawned. "Sounds great, hit the lights and climb in bed."
Jack found her yawn contagious and yawned himself, happy that the water bed was big enough that he didn't feel compelled to offer to sleep on the floor.
The lights were quickly flicked off and the three got situated in bed. Jack was only mildly surprised that despite all the room available the girls had sandwiched him between them which made his request a bit less embarrassing than it could have been.
"Can you two switch sides please?"
AN: Typing by Godogma!