Thanks to djenie I made a tiny correction in chapter 10 - "twig" should have been "rod". That was due to the fact that I'm not a native speaker and has been edited.

I apologize for not answering messages and reviews individually this time – RL has taken up most of my FF time today. I figured you'd rather have a new chapter. Hope you keep reviewing anyway!

Though Jack hat told Sam that he didn't hold anything against her he wasn't exactly sure that was true. That dream had to come from somewhere, right? He asked Dr. Shen that question after telling her what the dream had been about. The doc thought about it for a moment.

"You said she gained access to your medical record while you were unresponsive. Could that be it?"

Jack shook his head.

"We discussed that. She felt guilty about it and apologized more than once. She shouldn't have done it, but I understand why she did."

"OK. So let's see - how long did it take your team to get to you?"

"I'm not sure, several days."

"Whose fault was it that they didn't come sooner?"

"Well I guess they just couldn't. I'm sure Carter did what she could as fast as she could. These things take time."

"Time you didn't have."

"What, you're saying I'm mad at her for taking her time?"

"Think back. Were you absolutely sure at any given moment that they would come?"

"Of course! They always have. We don't leave our people behind."

"Really? You're obviously a lot more resilient than the average person. But you were held captive by very cruel, sadistic people, for days. Are you really telling me that you never lost faith in your team? Not once?"

Jack avoided her eye. Reluctantly he said:

"Maybe I did. When I was alone, when they were – tired of me – at times I thought maybe they had given up on me. That Carter couldn't – that maybe there was nothing they could do. That maybe I had been left behind and was about to die there, alone. I was scared to the bone..."

Dr. Shen didn't say anything. Jack pulled himself together and looked at her.

"Obviously she did figure it out, they got to me, they got me home, so what's the problem?"

"The problem is, Jack, that those feelings were there. Somewhere in your mind there was the possibility that Sam had let you down. It shook your confidence in her, but you didn't allow yourself to admit it. Probably because you felt you owed her, and rightly so. Those are contrary emotions. It's common that they surface in a dream."

"OK fine, doc, I know what's next."

"You do?"

"This is when you tell me I need to communicate that to Carter."

The doc smiled a very amused smile.

"Are you sure you never had psychotherapy before, colonel?"

He almost made a face at her. She got back to business.

"Actually you are only partly correct."

He raised an eyebrow on her.

"What would be the benefit of discussing it, for you and for her? Do you feel you need to communicate it to her, or might it be enough that you understand what happens? "

A small smile appeared on the colonel's face.

"I think we will be OK without that conversation, doc."

~o0o~

That night Jack tried again. It felt strange to play that scene in his mind with the real Carter just a few meters away, but apparently this time it worked. He woke up to the first light of dawn and didn't remember anything. He lay still for a moment and replayed the scene in his head, just because he could. Then he got up with more energy than he had had in a very long time.

"Carter, I think you are done here! Mission accomplished, you are dismissed!", he greeted her. A little unsure if she could trust his mood she raised her eyebrows.

"Really. This time it worked. I slept all through the night and don't remember a thing."

Sam started to smile.

"That's great, sir!"

He stepped up to her and put his hands on her shoulders.

"Thank you, Carter. I don't think I said that. I should have. About a million times or so. I'll never forget that."

She blushed a little.

"It's nothing, sir. It's what teammates do."

"Let me give Dr. Shen a call, and then I'll come with you to the base. It's about time I get back there!"

"Are you sure you are up to it, sir? "

"Don't give me that, major. Get ready to move out."

He called the doc while Sam waited in the car. She didn't let him off the hook as quickly as he had planned though.

"Have you made your mind up yet about your career options?"

"I certainly won't retire, doc. I'm not willing to accept that those bastards defeated me."

"That's what retirement would feel like to you? Defeat?"

"At this point? Yes. I assume there are reasons to consider retirement. I'm not getting younger. And then there's Sam...if I was retired we could be together. If she wanted to. But it just doesn't feel right."

"OK, so what's the alternative?"

"I could try to be reassigned. Out of her chain of command. Maybe even out of the field."

"Would you be alright with that?"

"I've been on a front line team for the better part of my life. I'm good at it, or at least I was. Maybe it's time to fall back now."

"Is there an assignment that's appealing to you?"

"I'd have to talk to my CO, but I do have something in mind."

~o0o~

Jack reported to General Hammond's office. The general was glad to see his 2IC and to find him in such a good mood. He told him to see Dr. Fraiser for a checkup, who came to the conclusion that – given Dr. Shen didn't say otherwise – he was fit for active duty. Since there wasn't much to do for him until he was finally cleared he prepared to get back home, when he ran into Teal'c. The moment he saw the Jaffa he felt like he couldn't breathe. He closed his eyes trying to regain control, but his heart raced and sweat ran down his spine. When he managed to look at Teal'c he noticed the Jaffa had frozen, too. A moment later he took a step away from Jack and lowered his eyes.

"O'Neill? I apologize for causing you trouble."

Obviously he didn't know how to handle the situation, and neither did the colonel. So he simply turned and left.

~o0o~

That night the dreams were back with a vengeance. There had been nothing Jack could do about it. He felt he was back to square one, and he just couldn't take it anymore. He knew he should call Dr. Shen, but he simply stayed in bed until noon and only got up when his back started to ache.

~o0o~

Sam spent her lunch break with Daniel.

"So how is he?", he asked as soon as they had sat down.

"I don't know, Daniel. He seems to be better, but I'm still worried. I know he didn't talk to you up to now, but maybe you could try again?"

"Actually he did talk to me some days ago, but it wasn't much. At least he didn't run when he saw me..."

"Daniel, he's been through hell, and frankly I don't think he will be willing to talk to you about it. There's a reason to that, but it's not your fault. Anyway – you might be able to talk. About anything but what happened. Just don't push him, OK?"

Daniel looked at his friend with a frown.

"You really think you have to tell me that, Sam?"

"I'm sorry. I'm just exhausted, that's all."

"Yeah you sure don't look too good. Are you still keeping watch over him?"

"Up until last night I was. Look, he came here with me, but as far as I know he's back home now. How about you pay him a visit, maybe he'd start opening up to you now that he's better."

About an hour later Daniel knocked on the colonel's front door. He really didn't know what to expect, but he was determined to get his friend back. Jack opened he door and froze for a moment.

"Hey Jack", Daniel said softly. "Tell me right away if you don't want me here. But I just have to try. Please."

Jack took a step back and let Daniel enter. They went to the living-room.

"You want a beer?", Jack asked.

"Uh, actually, I'd rather not. But you go ahead if you like."

Jack took a half-empty bottle from the table and raised it to Daniel.

"Carter sending you over for the day shift?"

Daniel flinched a little at his tone.

"I just needed to see how you are, Jack. I don't understand what's going on. You're so cold towards me, did I do anything? And as for Teal'c, he said you seemed to be scared of him. He just came back from off-world and you hadn't even asked about him all the time that he was gone. Why is it that you only talk to Sam?"

"What did she tell you?"

"Nothing, Jack. I don't know anything about what's going on, or about what happened to you, or about how you feel. Please talk to me!"

After a little while Jack responded to the one question that was Daniel's biggest concern.

"You didn't do anything, Daniel. It's not your fault, or T's. I just can't talk about it, OK? Can you be alright with not knowing just for once?"

Daniel smiled a little sadly.

"Am I that bad?"

"Oh come one, you know you are. You poke holes in people!"

Daniel's grin widened. Good. Banter. He could do that.

"Only in stubborn people."

"I'm not stubborn. I'm strong-willed!"

"Which is exactly what I said."

"Oh for cryin' out loud!"

Jack turned on the TV and ignored Daniel's grin. They watched a few episodes of the Simpsons and then gave Sam a call to come over. When she arrived the guys had already ordered pizza. Jack had even thought of ordering a bottle of white wine and had put in the fridge. Daniel ate his share of the pizza and then made his excuse. When he said goodbye to Sam he smiled and nodded at her, telling her in their long established non-verbal way that things looked good to him.

~o0o~

TBC