A/N Hopefully I should get back to answering reviews when the olympics finish and I get more than 3 hours sleep a day! Sorry to all of you. I DO read them all and am sorry I was so slack in answering.

28

The fact that the poor man had no choice, that some part of being a vampire meant he was at the mercy of a mating bond didn't help make her feel any better. She was sure if he had a choice in the matter she would have been the bottom of the list in his mental queue for his attentions.

However every time she thought of leaving him, of allowing him to carry on with his life, a twinge in her chest reminded her that he knew what she was thinking.

She hated to cause him pain, but what was worse was every time she did think of it, he became more solicitous of her, asking her if there was anything she needed him to do, anything she wanted.

It just wasn't right. She had all the power in the relationship, because except for that first time, he had never seriously considered leaving her.

Charlie had said that the werewolves of La Push had a similar thing. In their case it was supposedly a biological imperative, they fell in love… or imprinted… on the mate that could give them the strongest offspring. That couldn't be the case with vampires, as they could not reproduce.

She blushed at the thought of reproduction with Edward. She couldn't even think the word sex when applied to him, it seemed too crude for such an old fashioned person. Unlike most of the boys she knew, or had seen, he opened doors for her, carried her bags, even held her chair for her to sit in. His manners clearly showed the era of his birth. An era in which it was totally unacceptable to talk about sex in public, and probably in private too.

She felt terrible that he was stuck with someone like her, he deserved better. She resolved to try and not fight him anymore, and to allow him to choose how he wanted their… relationship to go on.

She now knew there was no way he could fight this, Rose, Alice and Esme had ambushed her in the kitchen when she was eating her 4am breakfast.

"He doesn't resent it you know," Rose said, "In fact he sees himself as lucky to have found you!" Bella nodded, remembering what Edward had told her about finding their mate.

"Just relax and enjoy it," Alice said, "For the rest of your existence you never have to worry about being alone. You will always have someone to love you, and someone to love. Someone you can ALWAYS rely on to think of you first. Isn't that perfect love?"

"Let the girl eat her meal," Bella sighed a small thank you to Esme. She felt a hand stroke down her hair and come to rest on her shoulder, "remember, you are perfect for HIM, no matter how much you doubt yourself, he never will." She moved away and a glass of milk appeared on the counter. Bella had just decided to do as the girls suggested when Edward had arrived home with his father, his reaction to seeing her downstairs was probably understandable considering how ill she had been, but the argument about her attending school had lasted right up to her setting off.

Why did she find it so hard to accept him? Wasn't he everything she had ever dreamt of? Someone to love her, someone who would never use her and discard her. Why could she just not accept it?

She needed to talk to someone, and funnily enough the person who sprang to mind wasn't who she would have guessed, but looking at Alice she received a subtle nod and knew that everything would be arranged for her.

The morning went relatively quietly, Bella gritted her teeth as she entered every class and had to ask the teacher to sign her in, the school was determined she wasn't going to skip again. Jessica Stanley tried repeatedly to talk to Edward, but he just glared at her as if she was dirt on his shoes, or ignored her altogether. Lauren Mallory wore the tightest and shortest of tight, short, skirts to school and flashed all she had during English Lit, unfortunately for her the teacher saw and he sent her to the principal's office to be taken home to change into something "more suited to the classroom and less to a brothel or street corner." Mike Newton had hovered close by as much as he could, but she ignored his presence until he finally got the message and gave up.

Art was now probably her favourite lesson. Because the class was so small Edward hadn't found the need to displace his brother, and the benches were big enough for four people so there was no need to leave anyone on their own.

Emmett was obviously trying out for the title of class clown, his huge grin and boyish smile, and lovable-rogue attitude made it impossible for Miss Russell to be angry with him, even when he super-glued all the pencils to her desk, but he never disrupted class so much that the work didn't get done.

At lunch Edward bought her a snickers bar, which made her smile. She ate a little off everyone's tray as usual, thinking that she would soon weigh more than Emmett if they kept feeding her up like this. Edward sat as close to her as he could without sharing a chair, but he kept the PDA's to just a hand on her back or (when she gave him specific permission) an arm across her shoulder, which she was thankful for, she could heat the school with her blush as it was!

In the afternoon she felt more than comfortable with Edward near her, she actually found herself moving to be close to him if they drifted apart at all. He was delighted and showed it in such a way that she was never uncomfortable. A small squeeze of her hand, an extra wide smile just for her. Things that did not make her the center of attention, but let her know that he understood she was accepting him.

Once she relaxed and decided to let him do whatever he wanted she felt better too. The tightness in her chest whenever they argued totally disappeared and she felt calmer than she ever remembered. A warm feeling invaded her, she had no idea what it was but she liked it.

When it came time to go home she was pleased to note that, though he did not look too happy about it, Edward got into the car with Alice and the others. Bella started her engine and looked over at her companion.

"Thank you." She said.

"Yer welcome, ma'am," he smiled at her. "How can I help you?"

She pulled over in the car park of a store and turned to Jasper. "I need you to tell me what I'm feeling." She stated.

"I'm sorry?" he looked puzzled, she gave out an exasperated noise, she had no idea what she wanted from him really… well she did… she wanted clarification. She had never felt the way she did around Edward, she couldn't even say if she really loved him, the feelings rushing through her were so foreign to her. She bit her lip as she tried to form a sentence. Jasper sat watching her, not rushing her to speak, allowing her time to get her thoughts in order… well as much order as possible.

"When I'm with Edward, I'm confused." He nodded. Well it was a start! "I… What… Jasper help me!" she ended in exasperation.

He took her hand, though he was as cold as the vampires always were she felt a small portion of the warmth that she usually felt when Edward touched her, or was around her. This made her even more confused than ever.

"Listen to me, darlin'" his voice was soft with the Texan accent that was heavier than usually heard nowadays as he had got it before radio and Television made people start to speak a more standardised language. He softened the accent until it almost disappeared altogether and he sounded like he was from the melting pot that was Phoenix. "Over the years I have been able to get close enough to you to get 'a read' on what you were feeling. Back in 2002 you were depressed, I'm not saying you were sad, you were clinically depressed." She looked at him astonished, "I have a couple of psychology degrees," he admitted, "sort of comes with the whole emotion reading thing." She nodded. "We were all terribly worried about you back then, and I wanted to help, but as you know, we couldn't step in back then or things would have been bad for the family… and you.

"Over the years I have watched you grow, I have also tried to lift your mood at times, you are remarkably resistant to influence, but sometimes I could get through and help. Since you came to Forks though, for some reason, I have hardly been able to affect your moods at all. I can amplify what you are feeling, like the other night," Bella blushed brightly, Jasper swallowed and she saw him make a fist with the hand not holding hers, she apologised with her eyes and he grinned, dismissing it. "However I haven't been able to change what you were feeling."

"Sorry?" Bella interrupted him, "Could you clarify that?" she asked.

"I cannot only read and amplify feelings, I can change them in most people. Take Edward, for instance… please." He smiled and she laughed at the old joke, "seriously, when he heard you had gone to the reservation the other day he was seconds away from invading the place and snatching you back when he found out you were ill. Alice sent me and I managed to calm him down, pushing his body to create our equivalent of serotonin, it stopped him from starting a war unnecessarily."

"Could you show me?" she asked.

"I can try, but like I said, you are resistant." His hand tightened slightly on hers and she felt an uncontrollable urge to laugh, suddenly followed by an overwhelming sadness that almost made her cry, and then, suddenly she felt she needed to laugh again. Why had no one told her about this ability? Yes she knew something had happened the other night, but she was too upset to listen to Edward's explanation fully. She had thought that Jasper could only read moods/emotions/ feelings and sometimes intensify things people were already feeling, no one had told her he could influence or change them, however this wasn't helping her in her quest to sort out what she was feeling!

"This afternoon, in class," she paused frustrated with her inability to express herself properly, "Edward, he… he took my hand, like you have now, but I felt…" she remembered back, the very second he touched her and the warm feeling flooded back into her, "I felt…"

"Safe." He said.

"Safe isn't an emotion." She protested.

"Emotions aren't just happy, sad, worried… things like that. Humans are so complicated they can never feel just one thing, I have found over the years that certain… blends, for lack of a better word… of feelings make strange results that at first glance you would think aren't anything to do with emotion.

"And so I felt, safe?" she asked, still not certain that was correct, but then, that WAS what she wanted to talk to Jasper for, he had a lot better perception on these things than she did, having had years of observations to go off. Safe. She contemplated the word, only half registering what Jasper was saying until he touched her.

"Yes, you felt safe… comfortable, cherished, protected," he squeezed her hand and tears filled her eyes. "I'm sorry to say this, but with a mother like yours, it isn't surprising that it was a feeling you didn't recognise. You have never felt safe and loved, Charlie loves you enormously, but he is rather unable to show it… for the same reason you are, long before Renée hurt you she destroyed your father." the tears ran down her cheeks. She brushed them away with her fingers and Jasper produced a handkerchief for her. {How old fashioned,} she thought, {a handkerchief not a tissue.}

"Thank you," her voice was a whisper, she could hardly hear it herself over the roar of the truck as they sat idling to make sure she kept warm.

"I also know that you love Edward, almost as much as he loves you. Only your fear is keeping you back." He squeezed her hand a few times to emphasise his speech, "let go. Stop being afraid, he will never leave you, he will never hurt you. He loves you as much as I love Alice, as much as Carlisle loves Esme and as much as Emmett loves Rose. Let him love you!" She nodded her head, determined to try. Surely what they could have was worth any effort?

There was no way she could drive. She couldn't see. Jasper pulled her over the bench seat and walked around and took her place behind the wheel.

"Where to?" he asked. Bella felt like she ought to go to the Cullen's but she knew she had to go home first.

"Charlie's, there's something I need." She blushed thinking of the sanitary equipment in her bedroom. She could not ask Jasper if vampires were affected by menstrual blood, she would die first! SMS in Morse sounded though the cab, he pulled his phone from his pocket and without even looking at it gave it to her. She read the small screen, 'Don't worry, it has no appeal for us, you are safe,' how embarrassing, that Alice knew what she was thinking, luckily the message was so cryptic she hoped that Jasper wouldn't have understand what it meant even if he had looked at it. To be on the safe side she stabbed at random buttons until she had deleted the message and handed the phone back to him.

"Feelin' better?" she noted that his accent returned.

"Yes, thanks again for talking to me," she told him.

"Like I said, any time. You are part of the family now." He pulled up outside Charlie's house and they both got out. He handed her the keys and watched her go inside, then before she had even turned to thank him again, he was gone.

She made her way into the kitchen first. Charlie had eaten at the Cullen's the day before as she was so ill. The cooked casserole was still in the oven, it had cooked on the timer but of course no one had been in to refrigerate it when it wasn't eaten. She sighed and threw it out. She had heard enough horror stories over the years about how easily fish could poison you (Renée had banned it altogether from their menu) that she was taking no chances. But she hated the waste. She got a couple of steaks out of the freezer, pleased that for once there was something in there that didn't spend its whole life in water. She put them in a dish and covered them in marinade and then wrapped the whole lot up. The house wasn't very warm, but if she was lucky they would have defrosted and soaked enough by the time Charlie got out of work.

She passed quickly through the living room, picking up an empty beer can and a small plate for washing and noticed that the answer machine had several messages. A heavy feeling stole over her as she stood looking at the blinking lights.

Though she tried not to hate Renée, it was difficult, but even so she felt sorry for her in a way. The man she had counted on to look after her and provide for her had left her high and dry. She was probably feeling very hard done by. Bella had enough experience of jilted Renée to be able to guess the weeping and wailing she performed for anyone who would listen, but at least this time Bella could say it wasn't really Renée's fault. Phil had been doing a job, and when the Cullen's warned him that Renée was about to be arrested, he got out of there. Not that she could really blame Phil either. She could admit that her life had significantly improved when he came on the scene. And so did Renée's for a time. If she had been a better person maybe she would have got a husband who didn't have to be paid to stay with her, Bella thought uncharitably.

She took the plate and can into the kitchen, leaving the messages behind, and went to her room. She could feel the heavy bloated feeling in her stomach that meant she had less than an hour before her period started. She booted up the computer and while it was loading she tidied her room. That took a whole 5 minutes and the dinosaur in the corner wasn't even fully loaded by the time she finished.

At last the screen showed the generic Microsoft Logo and she opened her email. For once there was nothing from Alice, only adverts for GirlsXXX and Male Enlargement things! She binned them all and considered shutting the machine down again, but it took so long to warm up that she may as well leave it on and start her homework. She was just starting to print out her Biology homework when she felt a gripping pain and headed for the bathroom. She dealt with the problem, and took a couple of painkillers, she returned to her desk and stapled the sheets off the printer together. She groaned, Trig or Gov? What a choice! The two subjects she hated most. She shut the folders in her desk and opened her Spanish text book instead.

She drove to school the next morning wondering at the lack of contact with the Cullen's. Though she had been pissed off at their total domination of her time of late, she felt rather let down that she hadn't even received an email from Alice, never mind Edward!

However as she pulled into the car park, there he was. She noticed the Cullens were parked in the spot she had used the day before, so that she got the place Newton parked in. This meant that he could not try and block her in again as it was the last space on the row before the gap to let people walk through. She smiled as Edward opened her door and gave her the smile that she knew was exclusively hers.

"Hey," his arm draped over her shoulder and he pulled her gently into his side, she fumbled with her bag as he touched her, but he soon took it and slung it over his shoulder.

"Hey yourself." She blushed as the warm feeling that Jasper identified as 'safe' stole over her.

"I was thinking," he smiled, turning around and pressing her against the body of her truck, "about that dinner we never had?" the smile slipped off her face as she considered him taking her out for a meal. He didn't eat, so he would be paying for her alone. She felt so uneven in this relationship. He had everything he could ever want and she had nothing to give him in return for his attention/notice/love? Why was he always pushing her to accept things from him? Couldn't he just be happy to be with her, without having to spend money on her?

"Bella?" his voice was soft and seductive as he leant down to whisper in her ear, "please, let me take you out?"

She looked at him closely, from his bright gold eyes to his bright red lips. "Yes," she said. She came to the realisation that Edward Cullen was dangerous to her. Even if he just looked in her direction her brain dribbled out of her ears and she found herself saying things she didn't really mean… things like… yes. When he smiled at her; her heart rate faltered, her breathing hitched and she had no chance of doing anything but what he wanted. However his huge smile when she agreed to go out with him had to be worth any lack of self determination. She had never made anyone so happy in her life. And with so little effort. "Nowhere expensive!" she warned him. That was better, she felt a bit more in control. Her head cleared slightly, she was confused again, one minute she was trying to resist him, the next she was eager to give in! Why couldn't she make her mind up and stick with it?

"I was thinking, there's a small place in Port Angeles, do you like Italian?" he asked, his voice still low and seductive as it brushed past her ear. She nodded her head, her throat too dry to speak for the moment. "It's a family run restaurant, Alice says they are very popular with the locals and that you will love it."

Alice was stood near the concrete steps leading to the school buildings and as Bella looked over at her she nodded her head vigorously. Bella sighed and smiled at him again.

"Ok, what time?" she asked.

"Well, I was thinking we could set off at about 7? I can book the table for 7:30."

She frowned. Port Angeles was over an hour away. More if her truck was involved in the journey.

"I tend to drive fast." He told her with a shrug, as if she didn't know. All the Cullen's seemed unable to stick to the posted speed limit. She nodded her head again and he pulled her away from the side of the vehicle and they headed off towards the school.

They got to the top of the steps when Bella realised she had forgotten her attendance slip. She had been in such a hurry to talk to Jasper the night before that she had taken it home with her.

"You go on, I have to get my slip and hand it in to the office." She told Edward, he opened his mouth to protest but she frowned at him and he shrugged. He didn't go to class, but did stay at the top of the steps waiting for her instead of following her all the way down again.

She reached into her truck, the paper wasn't on the dashboard where she thought she had left it. It probably blew onto the floor when the door was opened. She stood on the ground and did her best to twist her body between the seat and the steering wheel so she could look at the floor. If she wasn't so short the seat wouldn't be so far forward, making it almost impossible to fit into the gap. At last she located the paper, under the center seat, she felt her feet slip from under her as she reached in and managed to snag it with her fingertips. However as she stood back up, triumphant in her quest, she heard a squeal of brakes, and shouting.

She spun around. Heading towards her was the same blue van that she had seen skidding on her first day of school. She was frozen, petrified as the behemoth hurtled towards her. Her eyes lifted to where Edward was stood, at the top of the steps, she tried to apologise to him with her glance. Unable to control herself her gaze turned towards approaching death and she closed her eyes.

Additional note to the guest reviewer, I can see what you mean about Bella pushing Edward away, but all through her life allowing ANYONE close threatened her way of life and her independance. Not all abused people crave acceptance, some just close themselves off, no matter how much they think they want closeness. The only reason so far that she has not totally pushed Edward away for good is the mating bond, now she has accepted it things will progress. This is not to say she won't backslide at times, but her talk with Jasper and the pull of the bond have cleared her mind a bit.