A/N: Hi there! We'd like to thank you guys for reviewing. Your thoughts about our story interest us and we always try to answer any of your questions. Of course we're happy, too, if you decide to follow or fave us ;D
So here is chapter nine already. Last time we left you guys with a major cliffhanger XD Sorry about that, but we have to cut at some point or some people will get overwhelmed at the sheer amount of pages to read ;D Just like our latest reviewer asked for, the story shifts once more to focus a little more on Gon and Killua's relationship. Yet, for the Leorio x Kurapika faction there is a yummy tidbit at the end of this chapter. Finally, we're getting closer to the reason why this story is rated M for mature ;D Now I'm gonna shut up and leave you to it!
Chapter 9
Leorio's eyebrows rose with intrigue upon Killua's dare for Kurapika. For some reason, the silver-haired teen kept trying to persuade his Kurta friend to go along with the dare instead of backing out of it, and the doctor just couldn't understand why. What was so wrong in kissing him? Hadn't Kurapika and him done it before without any qualms...? Did Kurapika not want to kiss him again?
He then heard his blond friend in question ask him if he had any problems with the dare, and Leorio just smiled and shook his head against the question before he answered with a happy 'Nnnnope!' If the kiss was just like the last time, then the doctor knew that he'd enjoy it…even though he had a feeling that he shouldn't for some reason.
With that said, he then felt Kurapika's hand behind his neck, before he felt the other pull him downwards, and their lips blissfully met. Leorio hummed in appreciation as the Kurta's soft lips pressed seamlessly against his, the warmth of the other spreading throughout his system in a pleasant manner. Before he could enjoy the feeling too much, though, Kurapika started to pull away. But the kiss had barely started!
Not wanting the good feeling to end, and wanting more besides, the taller man's hands shot out and grabbed hold of his blond friend's shoulders, pulling him in closer. Leorio felt Kurapika gasp then, which triggered the young emission user to push his tongue into the other's mouth. Leorio shuddered at the moan that left Kurapika's being at the action, the sound vibrating across his tongue as he searched every nook and cranny of the other's mouth, enjoying the unique flavor that was Kurapika.
All of a sudden, though, Leorio felt himself being pushed away. With a small whine and a frown, his and Kurapika's lips disconnected, leaving the both of them to pant breathlessly from the exertion. The young doctor watched each and every breath that left the Kurta's mouth then, every movement of his chest, the way his tongue darted out to lick his lips…
Leorio could feel his lower half stir into life at the sight, his own tongue darting out to lick his own lips to get the last tastes of Kurapika that he could manage. Unexplainable want consumed him then. He wanted more…so much more…but then he noticed the tinges of red around his best friend's eyes. Leorio stared at the sight in confusion for a long moment, even though Kurapika had turned away from him by that point. Kurapika's eyes…red…that meant bad…that meant he was angry…
Deciding against jumping the other to get another kiss, Leorio just sat patiently for the next part of the game to happen, a small frown of frustration evident on his face.
Killua smiled in triumph as Leorio happily agreed to the kissing dare. He almost laughed at Kurapika's face, too. It was just so priceless that the young Kurta had to go through with the dare or face harder and more embarrassing consequences. When the two finally kissed a second later then, it started off innocently enough, but Killua assumed that Leorio's drunken lustfulness kicked in a second before Kurapika could stop the kiss in order to make it deeper. Yeah, both of his friends were definitely liking the kiss now, if the small moans he heard were anything to go by.
With a pleased smile on his face, the silver-haired teen sent Gon a look of victory. They had achieved what they wanted, and now it was mainly up to their older friends to figure things out for the rest of the night. Hopefully by tomorrow morning, they'd be in a relationship…or closer in a sense, anyway.
When the kiss finally ended due to Kurapika pushing himself free, Killua smirked mischievously to himself as he saw how flustered his Kurta friend was; Kurapika's eyes were even surrounded by red around the edges. He had only heard that Kurta eyes turned red when they were angered or extremely agitated…but…was it possible that they turned red as well when they were very excited? Excited as in…aroused?
If it was possible, Killua's smirk grew even wider as Kurapika turned to him and panted his own statement about the kiss between his much needed breaths.
"Oh yeah, I'm definitely satisfied with that," the former assassin purred out in satisfaction, taking note of how frustrated Leorio looked as he stared at an oblivious Kurapika out of the corner of his eyes. "It's your turn to pick again, Kurapika, but, sadly, you can only choose between Leorio and Gon."
It was then that Killua wondered if Kurapika would try and find a way to exact another form of revenge on him through the other two players…and if that happened…it would more than likely be Gon, and Killua wasn't sure if he could handle what was coming next. Would Kurapika pose the same dare to Gon and him? Or would he choose a different route?
The warm feeling still flowing through his body, the blond Kurta couldn't be too angry at Killua anymore. Even though the boy was sadly on the wrong track, he actually meant well. Most likely, the drunk doctor would not remember what had passed between them in the morning, and that would be for the best. Still, Kurapika made sure not too look Leorio's way. He feared for the feelings he might reveal, although the mischievous and kind of knowing look in Killua's eyes were sure signs that he had already revealed way too much.
Even when the transmuter told him that it was his turn again, and that he was only left to choose between Leorio and Gon, he pointedly refrained from looking at the emission user. He hoped that somehow the other man would forget more easily if he pretended like it had been nothing. But it had been something, something special, and there was still a warm buzz in his system. Most likely, no...no surely, it was the last kiss he would ever share with Leorio, and he treasured that feeling.
Pushing those thoughts aside, though, it was no surprise that Kurapika chose to ask Gon what he wanted to do next, since he still couldn't bring himself to look at the taller doctor for fear of what it would do to him. To his surprise, Gon chose 'Truth'. Feeling more mellow now since the kiss, Kurapika decided to do something that might help Killua.
"Okay, Gon. Have you ever really kissed somebody? And I'm not talking about a good night peck from Mito, but a full kiss, kind of like...just now."
The beast hunter was sixteen years of age and wasn't shy about anything. Still, Kurapika was pretty sure he hadn't done anything like it, much like Killua. It was a too roundabout way for Gon to realize something from the question, but maybe the fast deducting mind of the former assassin would understand the implications, especially since Gon had pretty much asked the same question but with an anxious air about him.
Since Gon had expected the kissing dare to come up sometime, he wasn't too surprised when Killua finally sprung it on the hapless Kurapika. The Kurta didn't seem too happy with his opportunity, though. He actually kind of looked pretty mad when his gaze fixed on his best friend. But wasn't this kiss something good? Gon knew that his kiss with Killua had felt weird but pretty good, too. Maybe Kurapika just had to feel it to know?
Although they didn't close their eyes at first, like Killua had demanded on the Ferris Wheel, the kiss was much the same as their own had been. That was until Leorio took hold of Kurapika. Gon's eyes widened slightly as he watched on. There was something decidedly different about this kiss. He heard the soft moans and the smacking of the lips much clearer than most other human beings would. He saw Leorio's tongue dart into Kurapika's mouth. He had no idea one could do that, and that it apparently felt good, judging from the smaller blond's moans. Should he have done that when he had kissed Killua? Kurapika's cheeks expanded a few times as well, like something pushed against them. Understanding that it was Leorio's tongue darting around the Kurta's mouth, Gon moved his own tongue experimentally around in his mouth.
He stopped instantly when he felt Killua's gaze on him; feeling self-conscious and trying to hide what he had been doing. His friend seemed to be pretty satisfied with what he had achieved and smiled victoriously. Gon returned the smile maybe a little too brightly from nervousness, but he was known to grin a lot, right? Killua turned back to watch the pair, so he didn't seem to be suspicious at all.
Once the kiss ended, Kurapika looked pretty dazed. There even was a glow of excited crimson around his irises. Gon looked at Killua then. Sure, his best friend had no Kurta eyes, but still there was the feeling that he would at least like to see that same dazed glaze in the other's sapphire eyes. It was the first time he had felt this way, and he wasn't too sure what it meant; he just knew he wanted to make Killua happy and feel as good as Kurapika did at that moment.
When the Kurta turned to him and asked him for 'Truth' or 'Dare' however, he shied away from the dare this time. If Kurapika made him kiss Killua now, just like he had with Leorio, the outcome wouldn't be the same, of that he was sure. Yet, he couldn't lose against the doctor and be a worse kisser! He understood, though, that he had to train this tongue-thing before he tried it out on Killua to make him feel even better than Kurapika had just now! Because of that, for the moment, choosing 'Truth' was the better option.
Gon was pretty surprised at the truth he was asked, though. He usually wasn't shy about anything. Killua had told him more than once that he came out asking questions no one else would. Still, their kiss had been something special and...private. His gaze darted to his friend, unsure whether he needed permission to come out and say it, but since Kurapika had not asked for the name of the person, it would remain a secret, yet, right?
"Yes, I have," he answered truthfully then.
He ignored the shocked look on Kurapika's face, not wanting the other to try and ask him further questions, and turned to Leorio, the only player left in this round.
"Truth or dare?"
When Killua heard Gon pick 'Truth' instead of 'Dare' he didn't know what to think. His mind was even more confused, though, when Kurapika asked his question the next moment. All of a sudden, Killua felt self-conscious about himself, and it didn't help that Gon had just sent him an unsure look. What was that look for anyway? Was Gon silently asking permission to answer because they had kissed or…or was it because Gon felt slightly ashamed? Was…was there something Gon wasn't telling him? Did Gon not consider that what they did in the Ferris Wheel was a true kiss? Had…had Gon kissed someone else before Killua had gotten the chance? The very thought upset the silver-haired teen, and his sour mood only turned worse when Gon answered that he had. There was no way for Killua to ask his friend if he was referring to their kiss (if it was even considered a kiss), or if he had kissed someone else prior without embarrassing himself and making himself look suspicious.
When Gon asked Leorio for his choice then, Killua tried to focus on his drunken friend instead of the turmoil added to his system. The young doctor looked really out of it then; his eyes half-lidded and looking rather sleepy. Was Leorio going to fall asleep any second?
It took a little longer than necessary for Leorio to respond, but, when he did, he picked 'Dare', even though he really looked like he could barely stand up by that point in time. Killua watched his best friend then as Gon contemplated on what to make their taller friend do.
"I dare you to kiss me like you did Kurapika!" Gon proclaimed then, which practically made Killua's heart stop and burst out of his chest at the same time, and Kurapika to gape at Gon like he had just grown an extra head.
Leorio blinked at Gon in a perplexed fashion as Killua stared at his best friend in complete shock, his mouth flapping uselessly with words he couldn't even begin to form because of the shock to his system. What the hell was Gon doing? The point was to make Leorio and Kurapika kiss each other! If Leorio and Gon kissed then not only would Killua be pissed beyond belief, but Kurapika would be upset again as well!
"Hmmmm…suuuure…?" Leorio drawled out in an uncertain shrug, a part of him looking a bit uncaring of the situation, but another seeming conflicted by the idea. But, just as he leaned forward towards Gon, he fell face first into the carpet. Killua heard his other two friends ask the young doctor if he was okay, but they only received a few snores in answer. Leorio had just fallen asleep.
The room was silent for a moment as the three friends took in the sleeping doctor's form, and as Gon leaned forward to try and shake Leorio awake. Their emission using friend didn't stir.
When someone finally spoke up then, it was Gon; wondering on what he should do for his dare now that Leorio was out of the game. Killua just bristled at the question, remembering on how Gon wanted to kiss Leorio like a passionate idiot for some stupid freaking reason.
"You can take your dare and shove it where the sun don't shine, you freaking idiot!" Killua shouted in a jealous rage then, hurt flashing across his eyes as he glared daggers into Gon's rich hazel. Unable to look at the other any longer, at the stupid confusion riddling Gon's beautiful orbs, Killua turned his gaze away to hide his crestfallen sapphires behind his bangs. Gon was a freaking bastard!
Before the former assassin's brain could logically inform him that he was being ridiculous with his thoughts and actions because Gon wasn't his, Killua stood up abruptly and marched towards the door.
"I'm going for a walk," he mumbled out despondently before he opened the door and slammed it shut behind him, ignoring Gon's concerned calls for him to come back.
When Leorio picked 'Dare', an idea suddenly came to the young beast hunter. The best way he would understand how that tongue thing worked was if someone showed him, someone like Leorio, who was obviously pretty good at it. That was how Gon decided to dare the doctor to kiss him just like the other had kissed Kurapika.
Too focused on the task ahead, and concentrating on what he wanted to learn, Gon didn't even notice the shocked expression of the other players. He was on a mission. He wanted to understand how a real kiss worked, and he needed to memorize every single thing about it to make it even better so that he could show Killua what he had learned to make him feel even better than Kurapika had.
Leorio agreed to the dare, albeit pretty slowly and in a slurred tone. Still, he leaned over to him then and Gon did the same to close their distance. But, before anything could happen, Leorio's eyes kind of rolled up into his head, his eyelids closed, and he landed on the soft carpet with a deep snore.
There was stunned silence for a long moment that was only broken by the soft snoring sounds of the emission user. Gon just couldn't believe this. How could the other man just fall asleep when he needed him to teach him something?! The beast hunter shook the sleeping form.
"Hey! Leorio!" But there was no reaction at all.
Gon looked at the remaining two players.
"Ehm, and what do I do now about the dare?"
Killua bristled like a cat that had been thrown into cold water at his question. For some reason Gon couldn't understand, his best friend was all fangs and claws, and shouted at him to shove his dare somewhere pretty dark. Even though he had no idea where it came from, the beast hunter had no problem taking the sudden fury of his friend, but he saw pain swirl inside his sapphire pools, too, and that made him pretty anxious. He had done something to hurt his friend, and, once more, was too stupid to know what he had done. His silver-haired friend just turned away from him and left in a furious hurry.
"Killua! Killua stop! Please! What...what did I do?" Gon shouted out anxiously, looking at his retreating friend. He flinched as the door slammed shut, removing his best friend from view in a very violent manner.
Why were things suddenly working out so badly between them? There had been something off and wrong between them since this vacation had started, but he didn't know what it was. He wanted to go back to the way things were. They were always so happy with each other. Yeah, there was the occasional shouting, but not the way it had been happening the last few days. Gon knew it had to be his fault, but if Killua didn't tell him what he did wrong, how was he to change?! He really, really didn't want to hurt Killua. After all, he was the most important person in Gon's world!
Kurapika looked between the distraught boy and the closed door, and began to understand something about the relationship between his two younger friends. The answer to the 'Truth' the Kurta had asked had really shocked him, but now he was sure he had asked it in the wrong way. Gon was someone who tried a lot of different things. If it had been expected of him, the boy would have gone along with a kiss, most likely with that girl, Palm, he had heard about. Kurapika should have asked if Gon had had a meaningful kiss before. That surely would have turned up a different answer.
Yes, he had been shocked to the core when Gon had asked Leorio to kiss him, and there had even been a surge of utter jealousy, but looking at the boy now, Kurapika knew the kiss wouldn't have meant anything to him. Obviously, this was very different for Killua.
"Gon, why did you command Leorio to kiss you?" He asked the younger hunter. Despite the jealousy he had felt a moment before, he was calm now, knowing he would get an innocent enough answer.
Big, honest hazel eyes turned from the door to him. "I...I wanted to learn. You looked so...hmmm…satisfied and blissful after that kiss. I wanted to know how he had done that."
The answer brought a benign smile to the Kurta's lips. Actually, this was just typical of the beast hunter. Gon had always learned the easiest and fastest way if he was shown something. There had been nothing romantic or even sexual about his request. It had been pure inquisitiveness.
"Will you tell me for whom you wanted to learn that for?" Kurapika asked softly, even though he was pretty sure he knew the answer already.
The young enhancer sported a blush then as he looked to the side. "For...for Killua," he admitted almost in a whisper.
Kurapika just nodded, seeing his suspicions confirmed. He reached out and made Gon look at him again.
"Although it is kind of commendable that you want to learn to make Killua happy, this wasn't the best way to go about it," the conjurer explained then. "You see, a kiss is something very special and intimate. I understand that you learn easier by physical example, but, in this case, you should only train with one person. For you, this kiss would have meant nothing, but to Killua, it meant betrayal. You would have shared something with another that is only meant to be shared between you two." He looked at the younger hunter intensely. "Do you understand?"
Gon looked absolutely crestfallen as he nodded that he had understood.
Kurapika nodded, too.
"You should try and apologize to Killua when he returns."
Once again the enhancer nodded.
"Okay, so now we need to take care of this idiot here. I'm of half a mind to just leave Leorio here on the floor, but for one, this is your room, and lastly, he would also surely catch a cold if he stayed on the floor for the night. We need to get him over to our room, I guess."
A few moments later, the uneven pair (height-wise) of Gon and Kurapika dragged their tallest friend from one room to the next and dropped him panting onto the bed there.
"Let's leave him here and get something to eat," Kurapika proposed, to which Gon agreed, only with less enthusiasm than he normally would show.
They made their way downstairs then and walked to the in-house restaurant.
It had been a long time since Killua had felt so many different emotions rage inside of him. He was jealous of Gon suddenly wanting to kiss Leorio (which, personally, made Killua gag from the very thought because…it was old man Leorio, damn it! That was disgusting!), he was also angry and felt betrayed by the act. And then, there was the swarming confusion he felt on top of that from Gon's truth just moments before his stupid dare. Had…had Gon actually shared a kiss with someone else before? Did Gon even count his kiss on the Ferris Wheel as an actual kiss? These thoughts continued to bombard the poor, silver-haired teen as he walked around the hotel, taking the stairs instead of the elevator for the sake of keeping himself moving.
Killua kept walking around until he was exhausted, and to the point where he couldn't stand his thoughts anymore. Seeing as he was close to his and Gon's hotel room again, and that he was too tired to go and try to find something else to do since it was still raining besides, the former assassin prepared himself before he opened his bedroom door again.
To Killua's surprise, none of his friends were inside. Maybe they were finding something to eat and Leorio was passed out in the next room over?
At the thought of food, the young, blacklist hunter's stomach cried out for nourishment. All of his confusing thoughts had apparently made him hungry.
Still feeling like shit because of Gon, Killua decided to order room service in favor of traveling all the way downstairs to wait at the restaurant. After placing his order (which was more desserts than anything else), the silver-haired teen decided to watch T.V. in order to make his mind focus on something else instead of his best friend. Even with the T. V., though, Killua found that he just couldn't stop his brain from thinking of his beast hunting friend, no matter how he tried. Gon was obviously a permanent fixture in his brain by this point in his life.
Depressed beyond anything else by then, Killua was thankful when room service arrived. Now he could gorge himself on delicious desserts to try and make himself feel better, so that he wouldn't kill Gon the second he saw him again. The young transmuter was just digging into his second chocolate parfait when the said spiky-haired teen finally walked through the door. Kurapika wasn't with him, though, so Killua assumed that their blond friend had finally decided to go to bed. It was still a little early in the evening, around eight at night, but that was still a decent time to try and get some sleep.
Killua tried his best to ignore Gon then as the beast hunter started fretting over him. Instead, he dug into his chocolate parfait with more gusto, but that only seemed to make Gon more concerned. When Killua overheard Gon tentatively ask him why he had gotten angry with him at the end of their game a few seconds later, the former assassin actually huffed in indignation. Gon was so fucking dense!
"It's because…!" Killua started to shout out, almost belting out the truth, but his mind thankfully stopped him in time. There was no way Gon was going to understand his feelings, so it was best to lie about the situation…sort of… "It's because you almost ruined our plans with Leorio and Kurapika, you idiot!" The young transmuter shouted out instead, anger still flashing in his eyes upon realizing that Gon really had almost screwed their plans up. "If you would have kissed Leorio, Kurapika would have been upset and angry again, and he would probably refuse to think of his kiss with Leorio as a true kiss! You seriously almost screwed everything up, you complete dumbass!"
And, with that said, Killua started digging into his hot fudge sundae, his anger and the betrayal he felt towards Gon skyrocketing two-fold. Not only had Gon gone against him with that dare, but he had gone against their original plans concerning their friends. That bastard was a freaking traitor!
After their dinner, Kurapika said the weather was taking its toll on him and that he wanted to go to bed. Even though Gon wasn't tired yet, he agreed to go up to their rooms in hopes of finding Killua there. He was in luck. His friend was in their room, eating something from room service presumably.
As he got closer, the enhancer saw that Killua seemed to be on his second cup of some kind of dessert, and nothing on the food tray resembled anything nutritious to eat. His silver-haired friend obviously gorged himself on sweets again.
"Killua, you should eat some main dish at least before you start on dessert," Gon said, concerned. It wasn't the first time and surely wouldn't be the last that he'd do this. The beast hunter fretted about his best friend's health sometimes because of his unhealthy eating habits.
Despite his concerns, though, his companion ignored him utterly, and only dug into another sweets dish with even more relish.
"Don't you remember what happened yesterday? I know you like sugar, and I love sweets, too, but there needs to be a healthy balance, Killua..."
The other one didn't even grace him with a sideways glance. Was Kurapika right? Was Killua this furious at him, because he had tried to share a kiss with Leorio, even though it didn't mean anything to him? He had never intended to hurt Killua in any way! It was quite the opposite! Still, he needed to make sure.
"Ehm...Killua? Why did you get angry at me at the end of our game?" He asked the other one carefully.
The transmuter huffed and shouted at him then, only to stop himself a second later. After taking a deep breath, he shouted again and told him that he had almost ruined their plans for Leorio and Kurapika when he had tried to kiss the doctor, and that Kurapika would have been mad if he had gone through with the dare. Before Gon could answer that Kurapika didn't seem mad at him at all, Killua shouted out something else. It hurt the spiky-haired teen right to his core.
His hands balled into fists at his sides. He knew that he wasn't the smartest, but Killua never called him on that. His silver-haired friend was usually pretty patient in explaining things to him. It was one thing to get exasperated because he was a little slow sometimes, but Killua never had used deroga...derogra...bad words against him!
This wasn't fair! Really, it wasn't! What he had tried to do would have been for Killua's own benefit! His fists started to shake at his sides as his hurt mixed with fury. Angry tears gleamed in the corners of his eyes.
"I might be a little slow and not as smart as Kurapika and you, but I'm not dumb," he said in a dark, slightly shaking voice. Gon couldn't tell the other now that he had tried to learn how to kiss better for his sake. That would only confirm Killua's accusation that he was dumb, if he was too stupid to even know how to kiss right. But there was one thing he could still say. "And I will have you know that Kurapika isn't angry with me. I guess..." Gon stopped for a second. What he was about to say was kind of mean, but he was hurt, and what he was about to say was exactly how he felt right then. "I guess Kurapika understands me better than you."
Even though the young enhancer was the one who lashed out now, there was pain in his gaze, and his eyes swam with unshed tears.
After he had vented his frustrations at Gon, there was a bout of silence between them as Killua ate his sundae. When Gon finally responded to him, the young, black list hunter almost choked on his spoonful of ice cream because of the dark, shaking tone his best friend was speaking with. Glancing up at the other in surprise, Killua didn't know what to think when he saw Gon staring down at him with anger and hurt; unshed tears welling up in his eyes. He knew then that he had hurt his friend from what he had unconsciously said, even though he thought he had a right to yell at him. Either way, Gon's dare was obviously a lack of thinking on his part that really almost messed them up…
When Gon defended his actions by saying that Kurapika wasn't angry with him then, Killua almost yelled back a retort, but Gon's next words sent him into horrified silence. Gon had just told him that Kurapika understood him better…that Killua knew nothing about him even though they had been together so long...What…did that mean…?
Did that mean that he…wasn't good enough to be Gon's friend? That Kurapika was better?
Killua couldn't even see his best friend before him then as his eyes went out of focus, his inner thoughts taking over as shock took hold of his system. He knew that…he had been a little hard on Gon because of his own personal feelings towards the other. Killua knew that was unfair of him. Just because Gon didn't feel the same way towards him didn't mean Killua had to get angry at him for doing something romantic or intimate with someone else. He really had no right to do that, since Gon wasn't his…He was just his friend…only his friend… But Killua hadn't been able to stop the raging jealousy inside of him at Gon's previous actions or the pent up frustration that had accumulated from him not being able to obtain the one thing he wanted more than anything else; he had just vented said frustrations at Gon, who didn't deserve them. Sure, Gon deserved a little yelling at, because he obviously hadn't thought through with his plan concerning how it would affect Leorio and Kurapika, but other than that, the other anger Killua had felt towards his friend was uncalled for. Because of him, Gon was angry and upset with him now…Because of him, not only was he not good enough to be Gon's lover (Killua was certain he'd never achieve that status, but that had never stopped him from trying out of vain hope) but now he wasn't even good enough to be his friend. Gon…probably didn't want him anymore…
Killua didn't notice his eyes were wet until he refocused again and could barely see anything through the blur of unshed tears. Startled by the fact that he was close to crying and the fact that he was probably losing Gon caused the silver-haired to start hyperventilating. What would he do if Gon wasn't there anymore?! What would he do if Gon hated him?! What if Gon was disgusted with him?! He was going to be alone!
Eyes widening at this realization, Killua quickly hid his sapphire orbs behind his bangs then as tears started to fall down his face. The former assassin hugged himself then as he started half-sob/half-gasp for air as total panic flooded his system. Gon hated him…Gon didn't want him…Gon hated him…Gon didn't want him….Gon hated him…Gon didn't want him…GonhatedhimGondidn'twanthim!
It was then that Killua felt something grab his shoulders. A pained cry of surprise left the silver-haired teen's lips, even though the grip on his shoulders didn't hurt at all. He couldn't see anything but his own tears as he struggled within the hold, his panic-riddled body trying to break free, to run, to get away from what he was feeling. He was worthless, disgusting, selfish, unworthy; everything his family had told him. He was just a dark stain upon this world that wasn't meant to live in the light. He was a disgusting creature; a monster unbefitting of affection. Gon wanted nothing more to do with him!
When Killua stopped his smug kind of way of eating, Gon felt a little satisfied. Even when the shock of his verbal blow registered with the silver-haired hunter, it felt kind of good. At least that meant Killua wasn't ignoring him any longer. But when he saw the other's sapphire orbs begin to swim in a salty lake of tears, Gon's stomach dropped.
Oh damn! What had he done?! The silence between them stretched into an eternity, and more and more water pooled underneath Killua's now hazy orbs until they spilled over. All of Gon's anger and his hurt pride were gone in an instant as he watched tears fall from his best friend's eyes, and heard the heart wrenching sobs coming from the former assassin. Gon felt shocked to the core. Killua was an ex-assassin; he had grown up getting tortured by his own family. He almost never cried...not like this...never like this. And...and this was his fault.
As realization struck, Gon's heart clenched painfully. He had made the person that meant all and everything to him cry! He was the worst kind of scum! He needed to...he needed to... Somehow he needed to make Killua stop! He needed to apologize and make it better. Yes!
Closing the distance between them, Gon took hold of the other's shaking shoulders. The moment his fingers touched his best friend, he cried out like the tender touch caused him the worst pain. The beast hunter winced, but held on as Killua tried to escape him, crying even worse than before.
"Stop, Killua! Please, stop crying. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I said. Please stop," he begged the other one in vain.
Gon sat down on the bed next to the other one then. Lost on what else to do, his arms wrapped around his friend's shaking body, pulling it close. With his hand cradling Killua's neck, he held him close, making the other cry into his shoulder.
"Ssshhhh, Killua...I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...I didn't mean what I said...Please...stop crying...You can make me do anything you want...I will even feed you some sweets, but please...please stop crying," he whispered in a soft voice, soothingly rocking his best friend.
Seeing the other one in such a state hurt much, much worse than the bad things Killua had said to him. All he wanted was for Killua to be his usual self again.
The silver-haired teen couldn't remember ever letting out his emotions like this. He had cried before, but always out of Gon's sight, and it had usually been silent and far between, except for that time that Gon had been very close to death. No, he had never cried this hard in his entire sixteen years of existence. Even his parents had told him that he was pretty quiet as a baby (it didn't help that they probably did things to him when he cried to begin with. They started teaching the assassin ways to their children right after childbirth after all, so that they could control them like damn puppets…), so for him to be crying like this now was even more of a shock to his system then it was that Gon might not want to be with him anymore…
…But if that was true, then why was Gon comforting him?
This last thought seemed to bring a bit of sense back to Killua's chaotic mind, as his crying started to subside to small heaves and hiccups. He was beyond guilty and embarrassed over his actions by that point, and Gon was only making matters worse because he was still apologizing to him. The former assassin knew that he didn't deserve such kind words.
"D-Don't…apolo…gize…" Killua hiccuped out through his tears as he buried his face further into Gon's shoulder so that he was actually in the crook of the other's neck. He was too ashamed to show his face, too ashamed of his actions that he feared that if he actually looked at his best friend then, he'd only see disgust. "…I…don't…deserve…it…"
He heard Gon try to protest then as he rubbed his back in a comforting manner, but the very action made Killua even sicker to his stomach. He knew that he didn't deserve to feel the warmth of the other's arms, to hear his kind words, but he refused to let go of Gon and even drew himself closer to the other, contradicting himself. His mind and body were telling him two completely different things, which only made Killua even more confused.
"I…took my…fru-frustrations…out…on you…" Killua gasped out through his crying then, trying to explain why he didn't deserve Gon or his friendship. "I…made you…feel…horrible…I'm…a m-monster…"
Just saying those words out loud seemed to make them sink harder into his being, to the point that Killua truly believed what he said, and felt absolute revulsion towards himself. Gon was the light, a beacon of hope, and all Killua was doing by being around him was smothering him for his own purposes, for his own desires. He was like a leech, draining everything that Gon was and fearing of letting go because, if he did, there was a high probability that he wouldn't survive…that he'd starve without the other's affections, his guidance…Killua knew that he had needed Gon far more than the beast hunter had ever needed him just for the sake of mental stability, and…he was easily replaceable in Gon's existence. Killua truly wasn't meant for this world. He was just too mentally unstable to function normally in society; to function normally without a crutch. Gon was that crutch, and without him, he'd either be pathetically helpless, or a danger if that said crutch had actually been a leash the whole time.
Killua was truly beginning to question everything concerning his and Gon's friendship then. Maybe…this had all been a lie for himself to uphold, because he had wanted to be normal so badly…maybe, Gon and him really weren't friends at all, and he was living in a larger fantasy than he had realized. How…how pathetic was he?
"I'm…sorry…Gon…" Killua apologized then as his crying started to lessen to the point that he was just gasping for air in order to calm his system down. "For…everything…I'm…I'm just a horrible person…I…don't deserve you…I don't deserve anything…"
A distraught Killua protested his apologies. Gon tried to persuade the other one that he very well deserved an apology, especially with the way he was crying now. Although Killua kept protesting his attempts at an apology, he still clung to him and held onto him even tighter than before. It felt like his friend feared he might leave him, but Gon could never do that. He just kept stroking the other's back and tried to soothe him somehow.
The silver-haired hunter had buried his face into the crook of his neck and Gon felt tears slowly drench his shirt then. He wished he knew how to make Killua stop. It was so hard to bear, to see his best friend in this state and know it was his own fault. But it was Killua himself who took the blame and told him he felt horrible about what he had done.
"It's all good. I'm not mad, and you're certainly no monster!" The raven-haired hunter exclaimed concerned.
He had no idea what was going on with his friend, but his state seemed to deteriorate even against all his attempts at making things better. When he heard the next words that tumble from his friend's lips, he felt shocked. Gon grasped Killua's shoulders then and pushed the clinging body away from him, but only to be able to fully face the other. Concern and anger were mixed in his own gaze.
"Stop saying something like that," he demanded. "I won't let you say such stupid things! You're not horrible and you are no monster! You are my friend and you are kind and nice. I'm glad and I'm honored to be your friend! You were my first friend and you are my best friend, and you deserve to be my friend just like I deserve to have you!" The anger in his voice was gone by then, and his voice became softer, but it grew in intensity when he continued. "You deserve my friendship, Killua. You deserve so much more. Don't ever doubt your own worth. You being with me and being my friend means the world to me."
Very open, very honest puppy-dog-eyes looked into Killua's wet and doubtful ones. Gon understood his words were still not enough. Maybe if he confessed his own fears, maybe then his friend would understand better? Maybe they were fighting the same fears in a way?
"I...I'm sorry I shouted at you, but when you called me dumb...I...freaked out. I know I'm not as smart as you. I know I'm a little slow sometimes. You have to explain stuff to me more often than to other people, and I know you feel exasperated by that often. I tried to get smarter, really, I did! But it's not as easy as getting stronger. Sometimes I fear...that I don't deserve you. Sometimes I fear you will finally lose patience and...and leave me. There are so many Nen users out there that are much smarter than me. Most would kill to become your partner. You're a Zoldyck! But still...still I hope you will look past my little faults and remember all our good times together and stay with me, just like you promised."
Gon's grip on Killua's shoulders loosened. One hand slid down the other's arm to take his friend's hand into his.
"I'm not sure I'm worthy enough to be your friend, but I will always, always fight to stay by your side. So don't you ever say something stupid like you don't deserve to be my friend. You are my friend, and I won't let you say stupid things about yourself like that."
He looked into Killua's still wet eyes, searching for a sign that the other understood and that his words helped to make the other one feel better again.
Before Killua could even catch his breath, he felt Gon grab hold of his shoulders and push him away. The silver-haired teen could feel his heart seize in terror then as the warmth of the other's body left him. Was Gon sick of him by this point? Did the other not want anything to do with him anymore?! When Killua looked into Gon's eyes then, his fears almost felt confirmed. Gon was glaring angrily at him. Did…did the other hate him…?
Just as these thoughts surfaced, they were quickly snuffed from the former assassin's mind as Gon shouted angrily at him for saying such things about himself; for calling himself a monster. Killua was shocked by this turn of events, because he had honestly expected Gon to hate him after everything that had happened; after the way he had acted in the last few minutes. Why…Why was the other speaking to him so softly now? Why was he angry that he had demeaned his own self-worth? What was his self-worth to Gon anyway?! Why did the other even care?!
It was then that Killua heard Gon's own confession. The young transmuter's eyes widened in even more surprise then, his eyes still filled with tears, although they had stilled by this point, as he realized that during all of the time they had been together, not only had he been second guessing his own self-worth to Gon, but Gon had been thinking about the same thing in concerns to their friendship. Gon…felt just as unworthy of him as Killua felt unworthy of the other…and that explained why he had been so hurt by his angry jab at his intelligence earlier.
Feeling one of Gon's hands leave his shoulder then, Killua had to suppress a shudder as he felt his best friend trail his hand down his arm in order to take his hand instead, the other's hazel eyes staring earnestly into his. It was then that Gon commented how he didn't know if he was good enough to be his friend, but he wouldn't let him say such horrible things about himself, and that he'd fight to stay by his side. Killua didn't know how to handle all of this information. On the one hand, his whole body was filling with indescribable warmth at his friend's kind words, and, on the other, Killua felt disappointment begin to smother him, telling him that Gon really only saw him as a friend and nothing more.
Unable to look the other in the eyes at the moment, Killua bowed his head to gather his thoughts. He knew…he always knew that Gon wouldn't see anything beyond friendship between them, but, at the same time, just hearing it said to him still hurt…a lot. Still, even though he could only be the other's friend, Killua was more than willing to take what he had going because Gon actually believed that…he deserved their friendship…that he actually deserved something despite who he was and how he had acted. Gon really was a beacon of light.
"You're such an idiot…" Killua chuckled out with a shaky, sniffling laugh then as he brought his head back up to stare at Gon lovingly. "I wouldn't care if you were dumber than a box of rocks, Gon, because you're still you…and…you're my best friend…I would never want to leave your side if I could help it…"
Feeling his cheeks begin to flush from the slight embarrassment he felt at his last words, Killua leaned forward then to lay his face against the crook of Gon's neck and wrap his arms around the other, wanting nothing more than to feel the security of the other's arms, to be as close to the other as possible.
"I don't consider myself a Zoldyck…" Killua muttered then as his sniffles finally calmed down to the point that he could speak relatively normally. "…I never want to associate with that family again, so I don't care what other people think, or…what other people want from me. I only care what you think of me, Gon. I…I still consider myself unworthy of you and your time…but…as long as you want me around…as long as you still think of me as your friend…maybe…I'm not as bad as I thought I was…"
Killua held onto Gon even tighter then, afraid of letting the other go still, because the only thing he wanted in that moment was to feel the other against him. He was certain that he'd never be allowed to be this close to the other again, especially since they were only friends.
"Gon?" The silver-haired teen asked tentatively then, uncertain if he should ask what he wanted to in that moment, his breath hitting the skin of the other's neck as he buried his face into it even more. "Can…can we just…stay like this for a while…? Please…?"
The sign Gon was looking for didn't come. Instead, Killua dropped his gaze, fleeing his scrutiny. The young beast hunter felt his heart beat harder in his chest as fear took over. Was his confession only reminding Killua of his faults? Would the other decide he wasn't worth the trouble? Was that why he didn't want to look at him? Unconsciously, his hand gripped its counterparts' tighter.
Even though the next words that poured forth from Killua's pink lips were playing at his intelligence again, this time it was obviously in jest. The laughter that greeted him was still shaky, and the other's eyes were red rimmed, but they were lit up with warmth. Relief flooded Gon's system when he saw a loving gaze instead of disgust or even hatred shining in his friend's eyes. Killua's promise helped make him feel a little better, too. Maybe his friend really hadn't lost patience with him yet. Still, he vowed to himself to become smarter somehow. Maybe Leorio could help him with that. In some regards the doctor was very similar him, but he had become a real doctor, and people usually had to learn hard for that. Maybe there was a trick to that he could learn, too?
Killua blushed softly then and leaned into him. When the other's arms wrapped around him like it was the most natural thing, a new kind of warmth flooded Gon. He couldn't quite explain the feeling but it was different from the relief he had just felt. Killua's face was again buried against his neck, but it felt very different from a moment ago when he was crying. Gon was suddenly very aware of the soft, silver tresses tickling his skin, and the discreet scent of herbs greeting his nose. Warm breath ghosted over his skin as Killua spoke. Somehow it sent a shiver down Gon's back. He had to try hard to concentrate on what the other one said with all of his senses being assailed like this.
"You're not bad! And you're not unworthy of me. You're...you are the most important person to me besides Mito, but she's like my mom, so that's just natural and doesn't count, I think. So, you are the most important person to me in this whole, wide world. I will always want you around," Gon answered as Killua wrapped his arms around him even tighter, and his own arms came up to enclose the other as an emphasis to his words.
Hot breath tickled his skin then and sent new shivers down his spine, and, somehow, right below his stomach, when the other asked him if they could stay like this a little longer. The beast hunter didn't know why, but he felt a growing heat below his stomach, and a smile lit up his face at the request.
"I won't let go of you any time soon," he whispered back, wrapping his arms around Killua a little tighter.
The other's strong, warm body felt good against his, and he loved the smell of the herbs that filled his nostrils from his fellow hunter's silky hair. For some reason, he couldn't hold back then. One hand reached up, pulling out the hairband that held the other's mane caged. As he held Killua close to him with one strong, muscular arm, his other hand tenderly stroked the back of his friend's head, his fingers threading through the soft tresses.
Killua's breath stilled at Gon's words, tears beginning to well in his eyes. If only…if only Gon's words were completely true. If only he'd never let go of him.
Before Killua could think on this too much, though, he felt one of Gon's hands come up to his hair, and slide his hairband out. The former assassin shuddered at the touch, not understanding what was going on until he felt his friend's comforting touch. Killua finally breathed out a relaxed sigh as he took in Gon's scent, and felt the other's warm arms around him and the gentle strokes against his hair.
Killua basked in the other's touch, enjoying Gon's loving attention until he felt himself drift off into sleep.
While Gon held and stroked his best friend's hair, the other's breath slowly evened out. As sensitive as the beast hunter was to Killua from the years they had lived together by now, he could feel it in the other's aura when he had fallen asleep from exhaustion.
Very carefully, Gon laid Killua back on the bed. He took off the other's shoes and his own, before he joined his friend again. He pulled the blankets up around them before he wrapped his arms around Killua once more. There was a soft moan, and, the next moment, the cool and strong former assassin cuddled up to him in his sleep, again trying to bury his face against Gon's neck. With a warm smile, the beast hunter gently guided him back into their former position and softly stroked Killua's hair until sleep overwhelmed him, too.
When Kurapika entered the room he shared with Leorio, a loud snore welcomed him. Well, thank you. This night was going to be just great, he was sure. Highly trained as he was in his bodyguard position, he would have a very hard time getting any sleep with this kind of noisy backdrop! Maybe when he got into bed, he could try rolling the taller man onto his side and stop this hideous sound.
Kurapika began to change into his nightclothes when the snoring was interjected with something that sounded like a...like a moan. Halting in his tracks, the blond Kurta looked over to the doctor, who was stretching in his sleep. Again, the sound that could only be labeled as a moan was uttered.
"Hmmmm...yeah...rrright theeere..."
As he watched Leorio's hand reach out and rub his crotch, it really didn't matter at all that the doctor was still fully clothed; Kurapika's cheeks turned crimson. He was ashamed that his gaze actually lingered a full second longer on the moving hand and the starting bulge before he tore it away.
With flaming cheeks, he fled into the bathroom. Kurapika splashed cold water onto his face, trying to cool off, which wasn't easy with his inner-fantasies running wild at the moment. He knew only too well that what he had just witnessed wasn't meant to be seen by anyone, and he was pretty sure it was all owing to the alcohol Leorio had indulged in. Still, he couldn't keep what he had seen from affecting him.
Looking into the mirror, the blond bit his lower lip, making it hurt in order to get a grip on himself. Leorio's behavior was just natural and...and it was natural to get turned on watching another touch himself like that. Of course.
Once more, he splashed some cool water into his face before he took care of necessities. When he was done, he walked up to the door, opened it, and listened.
Only very soft snoring greeted his ears. When he stepped into the room again, he saw that Leorio had turned onto his side, facing the middle of the bed. The doctor seemed to be done with his little...playtime, and even though Kurapika wasn't too happy the other was facing his side of the bed, at least his noise level had dropped considerably. Maybe there was yet a chance for sleep tonight.
Although Kurapika loved to wear sleep shirts with cute critters or funny comic motives, he wore a plain blue shirt for this vacation. He had known that he would be sharing a room, and he didn't really want his friends to find out about this little secret.
As silent and careful as possible, he slipped into bed then, pulling up his blanket higher than usual. He hoped to somehow distance himself a little more from the man, whose presence was all too real, next to him tonight. Even though he had turned onto his side, too, to face away from Leorio, he was all too aware of the steady rhythm of the other's breath, and the heat of his body radiating into his back.
Damn. How was he supposed to get any sleep tonight?
Vague images writhed through his sleep-addled mind. Yellows and blues, and various other colors coming together to make half-assembled images. Leorio could feel more than see; hear the cry of the person below him; feel the heat of their body. A smooth expanse of creamy skin met his fingers… delicate features memorized in his mind's eye…warm brown eyes staring up at him in half-lidded pleasure…a moan of rapture…the sound more masculine than Leorio could ever remember dreaming of…
…No, wait…this felt familiar.
The young doctor crinkled his brows in slight confusion as he snored in his sleep, a sense of déjà vu taking hold of him.
…A small body melded against his…A mop of golden hair…
…Perfect lips…A forbidden taste… Heat…intense heat…
Leorio let out a low moan then as he felt said heat accumulate in his lower regions, the mysterious figure lowering themselves to the same area before even more blessed heat took hold of the taller man.
"Hmmmm...yeah...rrright theeere..." Leorio moaned out as the mysterious figure started licking and sucking his lower half, which caused the doctor to thread his fingers through the soft, golden tresses of his mysterious lover. The friction was increasing then but…it wasn't enough…he needed more. He needed so much more!
Leorio turned fitfully in his sleep then, his mysterious lover disappearing then as he lay dormant for a few minutes before a sudden shake in the bed caused him to wake up.
Blinking in stupefaction, Leorio wondered through an alcohol filled/sexually frustrated mind on what had caused the disturbance. Right away, the inebriated doctor's eyes fell onto the back of his smaller companion…Golden hair…Smaller body…
…Kurapika…
…He hadn't finished what he had started…
Smiling coyly to himself, Leorio wrapped his arms around his blond companion then, bringing the other in close and pressing his still hard erection into the other's backside.
"…Hmmm…" Leorio hummed out huskily as he buried his face into the crook of Kurapika's stiffening neck and shoulders. "…Yooou dooon't…need ta play…hide n' seek…wit mee…" he half growled, half mumbled out drunkenly as he nipped playfully at Kurapika's neck, and brought one of his hands up to rub sensually against one of the Kurta's nipples through his nightshirt. Leorio just wanted Kurapika to finish what he had started…The other was such a tease…
As Kurapika was trying to drift off into sleep, the soft, rhythmical breathing of the other man changed. Next thing he knew, strong arms wrapped around him from behind. He was pulled against the other's heated body, and felt the hard, hard evidence of Leorio's intentions pressing into his backside.
The shock of the moment had the Kurta stiffening. He was unsure of what was happening to him. The young conjurer knew that it wasn't a sudden change of heart on Leorio's part, of course. It couldn't be. Most likely the other's sex dream was still going on, and, in his drunken state, he didn't realize that he was turning his male friend into his sex doll. But when the other man's face buried itself into his neck, and he felt hot breath tickling him and heard Leorio's warm, deep voice growling sexily into his skin, for a moment, just for a moment, Kurapika felt weak.
He couldn't keep a moan from escaping him then as the other man's teeth grazed the back of his neck. All the small hairs in that region were raised because of said action, and hot shivers ran down his back. His traitorous body arched as well when his nipple was stimulated through his shirt just right. This only served to make him feel the taller man's hard bulge so much more intensely.
The assault on his senses was almost more than the poor Kurta could take. He wanted nothing more than to submit to the other man. It was what he had dreamed of at night when he was all alone. In the state Leorio was in, he would most likely go through with it, even after realizing the target of his affections was a guy, just for the sake of satisfying his needs. But what would happen tomorrow? Leorio would feel disgusted at what had passed between them. This much was sure. And Kurapika knew in his heart of hearts that he didn't want it like this. He was worth more than this.
Finding his resolve, he stiffened against the other body. Ignoring the roaming hands that were touching him just right was the hardest part, though. Kurapika took hold of them and stopped them.
"Leorio," he said as coldly as possible. "Wake up, Leorio. You're on my side of the bed, and I'd like you to take your hands off me."
Leorio let his hands roam over the other's body then, feeling a little impatient at Kurapika's lack of action. He wanted to finish what they had started already! Damn it, he needed it so badly! He had wanted this for such a long time…
It was then that the young doctor's drunken brain did a slight double take. Why…did it feel like he had just thought of something life-altering?
Before the taller man's jumbled brain could so much as think a second on that last thought, Leorio felt smaller, delicate hands grab ahold of his and stop them in their tracks. The emission user whined at the lack of freedom his hands now had as Kurapika spoke in such a way that only confused Leorio even more. What was the other talking about?
"Huh?" The young doctor questioned before a drunken chuckle left his lips. Kurapika was just being a tease again. "But I aaaam awaaaake, silly! If youuu don't like it 'n your side of da bed, then we can change positions~"
Leorio let out a sexy growl then as he nibbled on the Kurta's earlobe and ground his erection against the other's backside in a suggestive fashion. Damn that had felt good…He should definitely do that again…
Kurapika had no idea what he should think once Leorio told him he was actually awake. How could two bottles of wine make him this drunk? Didn't he understand that he was groping him; a guy? Could anyone get drunk enough to stop caring about which sex he was gunning for?! Well, he had heard of drunken mishaps...
Just as these thoughts were playing through his head, Leorio growled close to his ear. Shivers ran down the Kurta's back at the low, sexy sound. He bit his lip then to keep a moan from escaping him as the other nibbled his sensitive ear and, even worse, rubbed his hard member against his butt in a very demanding manner.
Kurapika felt the burning of desire within him, and a definite stirring of his nether regions. At the same time, his face turned crimson with shame. He really shouldn't react this easily to the drunk advances of the other. This could never lead to anything good, and he was worth more to himself than being a cheap conquest for Leorio; another scratch in his bedpost. He felt betrayed by his own body, and hated the thought of the disgusted look he was sure the doctor would have in store for him tomorrow if he actually submitted now. This was the moment Leorio picked to grind into his backside again.
"I knooooow you wan'it tooooo," the doctor purred drunkenly.
It was the wrong moment and the wrong choice of words. Furious with himself, and with Leorio as well, for getting him into this treacherous situation in the first place, the Kurta snapped. In a blur of motion, he whirled around in bed.
"No, I don't!" Kurapika shouted out as his left fist connected with the doctor's right eye. Another push followed the hard punch. Leorio hit the carpet with a loud thump, which made Kurapika's ears ring with satisfaction.
With a huff, the Kurta grabbed hold of the blanket, pulled it up to his chin, and turned away from the doctor's side of the bed again. Ignoring the slight pangs of guilt that tried to assail him and his hard-on, too, he willed himself to sleep.