Chapter 4

Standard disclaimers continue.

Enjoy!

The lavish spread was placed before the force and crew with special dishes, ones Nanny never used for anyone other than Allura's quests. Definitely not the normal ware used for the Voltron Force.

Lance cracked some jokes about how Nanny really must not trust them enough to earn a swat from the elderly woman and several dark looks from Coran wanting to keep things from erupting. The man had instinctively picked up on the uneasiness from his charge and the arrival of Ms. Aimes. Added to that, the space near the Princess was vacant adding to her dampened spirits.

The meal was relatively quiet with Lance and Alex chattering mostly as siblings do. Pidge and Hunk teamed up to try and get good juicy stories about Lance from Alex.

Allura smiled as she listened and tried to add to the conversation as well. She was trying not to let Keith's absence worry her too much. He did need rest after all. And maybe this way she could take some food to him later and talk about what Alex had told her.

As Nanny had just finished serving the salad course, the doors to the room opened and in walked the man people had wanted to inquire about, but never did.

"I apologize for being late. It seems that no one bothered to tell me dinner was being served." A slow moving Keith said with an apologetic expression on his face. He walked over to this usual place and turned to Nanny before sitting. "Please forgive me Nanny, Princess."

"Keith, you don't have to ask. You should be asleep anyway."

"Sorry, but my stomach told me it was time to get up." Keith smiled as a maid gave him a salad.

"Well, maybe we didn't forget, but we thought it would be more fun without you scowling at us like normal." Lance smiled, earning a kick from under the table.

Alex, who sat next to her brother only smiled at his look. The younger McClain quickly took stock of the seating arrangements. Much to her relief, Keith and the Princess were safely buffered with the remaining members of the force, meaning Selena wasn't going to get very far with him.

Noticing Alex's smug look, Selena had to admit that she was quite annoyed. Keith hadn't even looked at her. He was too busy chatting with Allura, Alex and the force members.

"Hey Keith?" Alex spoke up, noticing Selena was about to, distracting him.

"Yeah kiddo? What's up?" Keith looked up from his salad to Alex who now had an annoyed look on her face from his endearment. "Sorry, you're not a kid anymore, but come on, old habits die hard." He flashed a smile that made things all better.

"Fine, I suppose I'll always be that kid who annoyed you and Lance to no end…"

"You weren't that annoying." Keith stopped her to only get a snort from Lance. "Besides you made life at your place more normal. So what's on your mind?"

"Well I was wondering… if you could still make some of those cookies? I've tried to make them, but they are never as good as when you made them." She pleaded with puppy dog eyes.

"Yeah Keith, you haven't cooked in forever! And those cookies were good." Lance added smiling remembering past events.

"Cookies? I haven't had anything like a cookie in years!" Hunk smiled.

"I don't know," Keith said feeling a bit hesitant for several reasons. "I'd have to go looking for the recipe. I haven't even thought of it since the academy. If I even have it that is."

"Don't give me that line Keith. I know you wouldn't leave something that important in a lock box at Galaxy Garrison." Alex smiled calling his bluff.

"Still, we would have to get permission to use Nanny's kitchen... if we could find all the ingredients."

"I am sure you can make due! Ally, you would love these things! Our mom could never make them as good as Keith could." Alex told the princess with utter delight on her face. "We'd have him make them all the time."

"That's funny, Keith I never knew you could bake." Allura said looking at him surprised.

"I kind of had to learn how to cook when I was younger." Keith said with a small smile. He really didn't like all the attention and wanted to change the topic quickly. Thankfully the topic would die out soon enough with Nanny not allowing him to invade her kitchens… "So how are your parents Alex?"

"They're great. They enjoy your letters, and mom even said you made a better son than her's ever did." Alex looked over at Lance who now made a sour face. Both Keith and Alex laughed.

"How can I compete with Keith? I figure I sign my name on the cards, which should be enough, right?" Lance said defending himself. "Also, with the calendar differences, how can I keep track of when Groundhog's Day is, or whatever you send cards for…" His attempt at mock hurt made the rest of the group laugh.

"I sure do miss the good old days." Alex said. "Just mom, dad, me, Lance and you." She smiled at Keith.

"How come none of you guys ever talk of home much?" Allura asked looking from Hunk, to Lance and then Keith. "I mean, I've met Hunk's parents over the communicator and Pidge talks of his brother quite often, but Keith, I so would like to meet your parents. I'm sure they're lovely people. And you all know they are always welcome to come visit." She smiled at Keith trying to broach the topic, knowing that it must be a sensitive one.

Allura's eyes pleaded with his for him to open up to her, and maybe something more… it was so powerful Keith's breath caught in this throat. He couldn't speak.

"With all due respect your majesty, but how could you be so inconsiderate?" Selena barked at a very surprised Allura. She had been staring into Keith's eyes, trying to tell him her feelings, and seeing something in return, that when Selena spoke up, she was a bit startled.

"Selena!" Keith growled seeing the scared look in Allura's eyes. "That's enough. How can she be at fault for something she doesn't know about? I never told her much about my past after all." Keith calmed down and sighed. He looked over at Allura who was fighting back tears for the second time that day.

"I'm sorry Princess, it's hard to talk about it sometimes. My parents… you won't ever get to meet my parents or any part of my family, aside from Alex and Lance's. Mine all died a long time ago." He said with darkened eyes. He was a little at odds with his feelings at the moment, exhaustion mixed with pain, painkillers and a weary heart all combined inside as he looked at his plate. His appetite was gone and an overwhelming desire to hit something came to the front.

"Keith… I'm so sorry." Allura said taking his hand and squeezing it in support. She saw the pain in his eyes as he looked up surprised at her actions.

"My father… was an admiral in the Garrison. He and I went on a maiden voyage of a test ship. Something went wrong, rumors about sabotage whirled for years, but whatever happened, I don't remember much. I must have gotten to a pod or placed in one. I was the only survivor."

Keith's eyes closed as he remembered the bits and pieces of that day. He made no effort to continue.

"He spent almost a year in a Garrison hospital." Alex said sadly.

"What about your... mother?" Allura silently offered him support to go on. To that Keith smiled, a sad smile.

"While I was recovering my mother went into premature labor due to the stress of losing my father. My little sister never made it, and mom was never the same again. It was a hard year after that, but she passed away due to complications that never healed after the miscarriage. I was six and a half." Keith stopped and once again found safety in staring blankly at his plate.

"Our family knew Keith's for a long time," Lance picked up the story. "I think they tried to adopt him, but there was some hitch in the law and it never became official. But we've always thought of him as the unofficial-honorary McClain of the household."

Allura's eyes were full of sadness, she knew his pain. How could she not have realized that the sadness in his eyes mirrored her own as well?

'How horrible.' She thought as she let tears fall for him, never letting go of his hand.

"Don't you pity him." Selena practically bit at Allura. "He hates pity."

"Selena!" Keith's eyes snapped and he stood up. "I said that's enough." Keith's sadness he felt from reliving old stories now turned to a frustrated anger. 'What is this all about? Why come here now and play mind games with us?' He wondered as he looked at Selena, trying to figure her out.

"I'd like to know what makes you think you know all about me. Or have ANY place to criticize others." Keith yelled across the table at Selena. The normal Keith would never have raised his voice at the table, but he didn't care. Control was out the window now.

"Come on Keithy."

"Don't!" he said taking a deep breath to try and calm himself. "Don't you dare call me that! I'm tired of these pretenses. Why are you here? You done with backstabbing everyone and you wanted round two? You never change do you Selena?"

"I'm shocked. Are you implying that I only.."

"I'm not implying. I'm saying you do whatever it takes to get ahead. No regard for others…. Only yourself! "

"You didn't think that of me a few years ago!"

"I was stupid and young! I guess being lied to, used and eventually thrown out a window does make one grow up!" He set down his napkin and pushed his chair out from the table. Everyone including Nanny was in a state of shock from the unusual events that were taking place. No one spoke, their eyes just going from Keith to Selena as the two volleyed shouts and angry words.

"Come on Keith; don't be like that I came here partly to help you." Selena said frustration in her voice. "To try and make up for the past."

"You mean help yourself. You never cared for me, so what do you want? Say it and get done with it so you can leave me in peace."

"I came here to help you get the one thing you said you wanted."

"Really?" Keith was feeling very annoyed and tired now; his control- though compromised already with his raised voice and actions at the table was wearing down. "And what would that be?"

"You said you wanted to be an admiral like your father." Keith was silent; surprised that she had remembered something that was true. He had always dreamed of following in his father's footsteps- the work he did at the academy, the records he surpassed and lengths he went to excel - where all to get him to that goal.

"I don't want a short cut! That's your way. I'll make it there on my merits." He turned away needing a moment to calm himself.

"Keith come on, you know that'll take a long time, especially when the Garrison still thinks of this assignment as a joke..."

"NO! And it's not like you to just offer something without a catch. Well I don't care anymore. I have things here that are just as important as raising up the ranks."

"My father." Selena was silent for a moment, her voice a drastic change from the powerful roar of a few seconds ago. While Keith didn't like Selena too much, her father was a different story. Keith thought of the admiral as a mentor and friend. He had taken risks in admitting an orphaned boy at such a young age, no matter who his parents were. Keith owed that man a great deal.

Keith stayed silent; his back was turned to them. Selena sighed and continued.

"Keith, you don't know how hard it is for me to say this… can we please go somewhere private and talk?" No one said anything. The silence in the room was drawing out for what seemed like hours, but in reality was nothing more than a minute or two.

Lance was the only one with a smile on his face. He knew Keith would lash out soon, and Selena would get what was coming…

"I'm not going anywhere. You have something to say to me? Well, you can say it in front of my family."

"Keith… come back to the Garrison with me. My father, he's stepping down and you could have his position. Keith, please. I never meant to hurt you, I swear it. I still love you Keith." This got everyone's attention, all eyes went on Keith. He had turned around and was now staring at Selena with eyes that were normally reserved for a certain Prince of Doom.

Allura couldn't breathe. All this information, all these feelings, it was all a bit much. She had heard from Keith on the rare occasion of him opening up to her, of his dream of being in the Garrison as a high official making policy and helping the galaxy. Although she never knew what had fuelled his passion, she felt a connection through their shared desire to help others.

"Who do you think you are?" He hissed. "You think that by dangling the one thing I wanted since I was a child, my last dream given to me from my father, before my face will make up for everything?"

Keith's tone was frightening to everyone, especially Allura. It was a side of Keith she had yet to see. He was finally losing his temper.

"I've accepted the fact that I'm living a worthless existence, my attempts at happiness always fail, but I still have my integrity!"

"So you want to stay here on this insignificant planet? Get yourself killed for people who are not your own race? Your family?" Selena stood and yelled back at him.

"YES! I rather like it here on this 'insignificant' planet. In fact I volunteered to leave the Garrison on this mission. To get away from everything! YOU especially!" Keith took a few calming breaths to regain his composure before turning to Allura.

"I'm sorry Princess for my outburst. I hope you will excuse me. I feel a bit tired and I think it best to get some sleep." Before anyone could say anything, Keith was out the door, suddenly feeling enough energy to move his normal pace away from the stunned group.

"Keith Akira Kogane!" Selena called after him not missing a beat and walking towards the door herself.

She was stopped once again by a fast acting Lance.

"Let him be!" Lance finally spoke up venom dripping from it.

"Shut up Lance. At least I'm trying to keep him from wasting his career- staying here will not help him."

"And tempting him with an easy way out is a good thing? Forcing the guy to marry you so he can become admiral is low Selena, even for you." Lance hissed hatefully.

"Shove it! I know what I want in life."

"Why can't you accept that maybe he doesn't love you?" Alex said joining in on the battle. "He started over here on Arus; he loves it here. Maybe he doesn't want to be an admiral anymore."

"So you're going to let him waste away- alone out here?" Selena asked.

"Maybe he's not as alone was you think. Maybe there are some things here for him." Alex continued.

"I don't have time for this." Selena said as she stormed out of the room after Keith.

"Wow was Keith pissed." Hunk shook his head trying to process what had just happened.

"Yeah, he's never lost it like that in a long time." Lance said as he sat back down at the table. "I just hope that he's not going to … nah, Keith wouldn't do that."

"Do what?" Allura finally spoke. She was troubled by the day's events. So much had happened since this morning.

"Well they might end up killing each other." Lance shrugged. "They were known for their fights, but this time there'll be no kiss and make up. They're out for blood."

"So who's going to go and check on him?" Alex questioned.

"Not me! I learnt the hard and painful way to never mess with him when he's like this." Lance said rubbing the back of his head, remembering a painful experience with Keith when he was this angry. Lance did not feel like being slammed on the practice mat or ducking to dodge a punch tonight.

"Count me out as well." Pidge added. "He scares me when he gets mad, but he could rip me apart in a second like this."

"And he'll take it out on us if we go and talk to him." Hunk stated knowing that the best thing was to let Keith settle down, like he normally would.

"Well then, we get someone who he'll never hurt or punish go and talk to him." Alex smiled. "And the only one like that would be Ally."

"W-What?" Allura said as she was broken from her thoughts. She was inwardly smiling at a comment he had made during his tirade with Selena.

'He said he likes it here … that there is something here… maybe…'

"Maybe you should go and have a talk with him. You know he'd never hurt you. And well, Lance says he actually listens to you. You did get him to take a break earlier."

"What am I supposed to say to him?" Allura asked looking around the table. Selena's crew seemed to be just as shocked as she was, Nanny had since left tisking about bad manners, and from the second vacant seat next to her Coran had also made a speedy retreat. Only the Voltron Force and guest crew remained.

"Well, you could make it easier and skip the stereotypical wait for the guy to confess and tell him how you feel." Alex mentioned. "You know, give him a little bonus incentive to stay."

Allura blushed something awful at that moment. She could feel the heat rush to her normally creamy skin and the smirk from Lance told her it was as bad as she had thought.

"Will… will he leave? Do you think he'll actually go with… with Selena?" She asked in a small worried voice, her hands wrapped around her napkin on her lap.

"I don't think Keith will be going anywhere with Selena." Lance said. "He likes it here, but I agree with my little sister here. Incentives are good." His face tried to look innocent.

Allura was still unsure what to do. Thankfully the line of conversation ended with Nanny and some servants bringing more food in on trays. There was no way Nanny would allow her to leave the table with guests here. With a sigh she was resigned to sit through the rest of the meal and then go and see Keith.

Tuning out the rest of the conversations, the quiet princess kept replaying Keith's words and actions from the time they had met, in her head. 'Does he really love me… but then why stay here if he doesn't? He has to feel something…'

"Keith?" A woman's voice called into the darkness of the commander's room. No response came, nothing but silence filled the room. Slowly and with trained stealth, the figure crept into his room. Further into the room, a soft sound of water came through the closed door of the bathroom. With a nod and reaffirming her determination, she continued towards the sounds in silence.

'What the hell is going wrong with me?' Keith asked himself as he let the warm water run through his, now, soaking had needed to calm down after that conversation… no, fiasco was the better term.

Normally he would have gone straight for the gym, but the throbbing in his chest told him that was NOT an option. The punching bag was granted a reprieve from the frustration and pent up anger stirring in Keith.

His feet took him instead to his quarters, a place where he hoped he could be alone. It really was difficult to find a place on the planet that no one else would go- especially with teammates like Lance.

Searching the room for something, anything that could offer some sort of peace, his eyes stopped on the door leading to his personal bathroom. Opening the door to the room, he sighed with relief finding in the large fixtures a sense calm.

'A shower would do me good; clear my mind and all that.' He reasoned as he began to pull off his clothes mindful of the bandages.

His head came to rest leaning on the tiled wall of the shower. He didn't move for some time, just enjoying the water as it ran down his body.

'I feel so lost all of a sudden… why did I let Selena get to me today? Shouldn't I be able to at least keep myself in better control… I'm a mess. My life is a mess.'

Keith ran his hands through his hair, pulling at the ends a bit. 'I know I am important here, I've done so much good and yet, it feels empty without… I don't have a chance in hell with someone like Allura. And I know she can't feel anything for someone like me.'

"Ally.." He said out loud as he let his body and mind dream of the beautiful princess that was so close and yet so very far. Keith let down his guard, finding the waters embrace him and wrap him in warmth. Oblivious to door opening, he stayed in the shower, eyes closed.

Soft hands ran up his back and he couldn't stop the moan that came to his lips. The caress continued and in the back of his mind, Keith knew this had to be real, his dreams never felt this… real.

The warm body pressed next to him felt good, it had been so long since he had been touched like this or had allowed himself to be touched like this. However, the soldier in Keith snapped back in control as the same hands that had once rubbed his back, seemed to venture elsewhere.

Turning quickly Keith grabbed the hands and pushed them back, pinning their owner on the other side of the shower.

"Selena?" Keith said blinking as he pulled himself from his dream. He knew it would be her; the one he wanted would never be so bold as to join him in the shower. His body soon recovered and he glared at the naked form of his ex-girlfriend pinned against the wall under him.

"So you have become more aggressive. You know I like aggressive men." Selena smiled seductively as she tried to move closer to him, her lips pouting out inviting his to claim her.

Keith held her against the wall, maintaining a distance from her lips and her body, which was now trying to entice him.

"Come on Keithy."

"No Selena. I'm not going to. I don't love you anymore." Keith dropped her arms and backed out of the shower with lightning speed.

"Your mind says 'no,' but your body and eyes scream 'yes.'" She purred as she quickly turned off the shower and followed him. Keith threw her a towel as he covered his lower half with his own.

"How long had it been since you let yourself be loved by a woman?" She said as she slinked over to him, not about to stop now. She dropped her towel and stood before him. "Look at me Keith."

Keith remained silent, his back was to her until she called to him and his body turned traitor. He couldn't help but be tempted at what he saw when he turned.

"Your eyes tell me it's been too long. Keith, you've been denying yourself and your body of what it craves and needs. Come with me Keith. I'll give myself to you. Just like before. You can have the family you've always wanted. You can have the job you've always dreamed of and you'll be happy." She seemed serious at her words and slowly closed the distance between them.

"Go ahead, I'm yours Keith." She breathed as she cupped his cheek with her hand.

Keith didn't flinch, his eyes still locked on hers with an unreadable expression. Selena took her free hand and placed it to his still wet chest.

"You love me." She told him as she came closer to him still. It wasn't until she was pressed against him, hand sliding down his chest to his towel that Keith moved.

In a swift movement, one that he had used many times to dodge a laser sword from his nemesis, Keith pivoted and escaped the bathroom which felt as if it was closing in on him. Dressing as quickly as he possibly could, Keith shook himself.

"I'm enjoying your new sense of playfulness and teasing Keith." Selena continued like a plague following him still wearing nothing. "It's turning me on to no end, but enough with the foreplay- I want you."

"I'm going to sleep now Selena, if you would please leave. Don't make me call for security and have you in the brig for the rest of your short stay here." His voice held a darker warning. He may be injured, but he could still fight.

Keith moved closer to his bed, acting like Selena wasn't even there as he lay down and rolled on his side away from her.

The pout on her lips was wasted, but it didn't faze her at all. Finding a shirt on the dresser, she slipped into it and crawled from the back of the bed towards Keith.

"Are you trying to make yourself a martyr or something? That refusing all others, you can be good enough for… tell me Keith, what would your princess think about us, right now?" Selena chuckled as she moved in closer.

"Go away." Keith said not reacting to her words. His eyes were tightly shut, his mind reciting regulations to calm himself.

"It is true. You're in love with the naïve princess."

"Selena, drop it now!" Keith growled taking her aback, forcing her to sit up.

Selena looked down on Keith, the man she had found attractive so long ago. She would have to be lying to say that she didn't feel anything for him, and that it hurt to lose him. Granted she had done a lot to cause him to want nothing to do with her, maybe if they had met before her reputation had been so tarnished things could have been different… she looked down on the man in the bed and felt a wave of sympathy.

Tenderly she touched his cheek. Keith rolled on his back and sat up grabbing her hand.

"Just go away please!" Keith's tone startled her. It was no longer full on demanding, but mixed more with a tired pleading.

"You know it won't work out…" She said sadly as he let go of her hand. Her tone changed too.

"I know, 'A commanding officer shall not maintain or pursue extra work relations with officers under their command.' I know. In many ways it's doubly against me with the laws of this planet…"

"Then why torture yourself over her if you can't ever be together?" Selena asked, truly wanting to know his reasoning for staying.

"I know I'll never be anything to her but a pilot, but at least I …"

"What? Can admire her from afar? Get yourself killed by pointlessly throwing your life away? Letting yourself be hurt when she marries a prince?" With this she sighed. "Keith come with me. You won't have to kill yourself to be appreciated or, loved. There's nothing you can do for her."

"You're wrong." Keith said as he turned in bed and push his feet out of the covers and on the floor. "I can... I can fight to give her a world where she can live and be safe. Where she can finally be happy. I can fight; I can destroy that which causes her sadness. …"

"Keith… you said you loved me once, a long time ago I know, but I still do care for you. Look at what's real. You can't have a life where you live a fantasy. This dream of the princess and you is just that, a dream. What can you do? Kick yourself around because you're just a commoner, an alien? This isn't your planet and these people's problems are not your personal concerns." She crawled up behind him and wrapped her long, slender arms around his chest.

"We can try again. I have so many regrets when it comes to our time together. We can have the good times again- I'm real, and I'm here. I love you." She said as she hugged tightly to Keith.

He didn't struggle against her now, his heart heavy and in need of the warmth he felt with her so near.

Slowly Keith blinked feeling his eye lids go heavy… the fatigue he had felt before was nothing compared to what was taking over him, everything was going black around him.

He managed to turn facing Selena before he passed out, a needle in his arm barely registering in his mind.

Selena hugged his limp body close to hers as she slowly pulled out the small medical syringe from his arm.

"I'm sorry Keith." She whispered as she held him for a moment longer before placing him on the bed. Standing, she looked sadly at his sleeping form as she found her set of clothes.

"I really wish you would have joined me on this mission instead of this…"

Feel free to let me know what you think! Comments appreciated!