Chapter III

Dream

I stood in a clearing illuminated by the first rays of the sun. The forest seemed dead, as if something had sucked the soul out of it. There was an absolute, unnatural silence. I knew it, in such concentration nature waits for a predator to attack. Suddenly my gaze was drawn to a scarlet stain at my feet. Kap, kap, kap... Blood was flowing from my ragged neck, from my forearms, from my hands... I couldn't make any movement, as if I was chained to the spot.
A twig moved in front of me, behind it the eyes staring at me glittered. When the figure stepped out of the shadows, I immediately recognized its face. Leah... She bared her teeth in a cruel grimace, and a terrifying growl came from her chest. Her limber body sprang to a leap. I knew what was coming now, I knew I was looking into the eyes of death. I was awakened by my own scream...
I jumped out of bed, because there was no question of continuing to sleep. Just at that moment Charlie rushed into the room, frightened by my scream.
"Dad, it's just a bad dream. I'm sorry I woke you up."
"Bells...I didn't sleep, it's eleven in the morning! The fact that you came back around five o'clock, so for you it's like dawn," he laughed under his breath. "Kids... Where are you going, anyway?" he asked, seeing me put on my shoes.
"To La Push, I'll be back later."
"La Push? Are you tired of company after last night?"
"Dad, it's urgent, I need to talk to Jacob."
"Hmm..." smiled Charlie, but refrained from commenting. His satisfied face screamed louder than words. However, he didn't know he was wrong, and neither did I... I don't think I knew anything anymore.

I arrived at La Push and jumped out of the car as if the seat under me was on fire. The door to Black's house was wide open, so I rushed inside, greeted a stunned Billy and, without even asking if Jake was at home, rushed into his room.
He was asleep... I don't know what I expected at this hour. He was asleep in the most normal way in the world. I sat carefully on the edge of the bed, feverishly wondering what I would say to him when I woke him up. Any slogan, led by the truth, seemed idiotic. I looked at his calm face. Black eyebrows, black long eyelashes, voluptuous lips... dark skin tone.
I contemplated the outline of his jaw, his neck, the muscles visible under his smooth skin, the artery twitching steadily... He was lying on his side, apparently naked, but fortunately his hips and lower abdomen were covered by a sheet.
Not surprisingly, he did not dress to sleep, it was summer, and his body temperature invariably stayed at the upper limit. He was breathing steadily. I decided to let him sleep for a while longer and settled deeper into the foot of the bed, taking the first better book lying on the shelf above the bed.
"Legends of the Quileutes" - I knew this book very well, it was from it that I learned about the existence of shapeshifters. I reached deeper to choose something else, but, of course, innate grace caused me to drop a whole stack of CDs and two newspapers on the bed, the bulk of the shelf's contents.
Well, I didn't have to wake anyone up anymore. Jake, sat up abruptly on the bed - praise God he didn't get up, given his lack of clothes - and said:
"Damn it, Bells, if I'd known you wouldn't last even a few hours without me, I wouldn't have left yesterday."
I ignored the comment. Seeing my face, he asked already seriously. "What happened?"
"Jake, I beg you, don't think I'm crazy, but I had one of my dreams..."
"Let me guess, the knight turned out to be old and bald..., or I know, you dreamed something else and immediately want to try it out with me...?" He smiled innocently.
"You know you're an idiot?"
"Okay, Bells, I'm turning into a listener. What was it that made you give up sleeping?"
"Jake, do you remember my earlier dreams? Do you remember how later each of them had confirmation in reality?"
"Well, yes, they were sometimes prophetic."
"Jake, listen to this..." I told him exactly what I saw in that nightmare, and Jake listened very carefully. At the end, he smiled slightly and hummed a familiar part of yesterday's song.

If you were beside me Then my love would take you I'll keep you in safety Forever protect you(...).
He suddenly became serious and said calmly:
"All right, Bells, this may not have been a dream subject for a night of relaxation, but, believe me, I'm absolutely sure that Leah would never hurt you."
"What makes you so sure?"
"Bella, Leah may be secretive and hard to reach,but she has no hostile feelings toward you... Or at least no more hostile than to the rest of the world," he added with a smile. "She," he continued, "has been very hurt by the love of her life. The worst part is that, being part of the pack, she is unable to escape the subject. She relives everything all over again, seeing Sam, Emily here every day and hearing his thoughts involuntarily. We suffer along with all of them, so we know very well what causes her to be so... hmm... unfriendly. You can rest assured, you are not threatened by anything from her... Can we talk about something more pleasant?" - he asked.
"But... "I began.
"Should I personally close your mouth? How about shutting your mouth and at the same time distracting you from the subject?" he said, slowly rising from the bed, so that the fabric covering his body began to slip dangerously...
"Don't you dare! I'm waiting for you to get dressed," I said, already standing in the doorway." I'll be in the kitchen and make you some coffee."
Billy was sitting on the veranda, so without being embarrassed by my presence in a stranger's house, I could go to the kitchen. On the way, my gaze fell on the mirror hanging in the hallway...
Damn, after all, I looked like the stars of police photos. Tangled hair, yesterday's clothes, black eyes and remnants of mascara effectively highlighting my fatigue.
It would be a good idea to sneak back home, get myself cleaned up and only then show people, especially Jacob.
Hm... Anyway, what do I care if he likes me? That's what I was thinking about my own questionable appearance, standing at the kitchen counter and sweetening coffee for myself, as Jake drank bitter, strong coffee without milk, when suddenly I felt someone's hand touch my hair. I turned so violently that my hand knocked my mug down and all the coffee landed on my blouse.
"Ouch!" Jake was standing in front of me, dressed only in black loose sweatpants, disheveled as I was, looking pityingly at my performance.
"Take it off, I'll give you a new T-shirt. And go to the shower, you'll stop getting sticky from coffee and sugar. Oh, I won't lend you panties because I don't wear lace," he joked.
The orders were given. I took a towel and a T-shirt that will probably reach my mid-thigh and politely marched to the bathroom.
"I'll call Emily to drop off some shorts as she goes shopping," Jacob shouted through the door. The situation was under control and I stood in the shower, letting the hot water wash away my fatigue and coffee stains.

"Bells, do you need help washing your back?" he spoke up again.

"Are you always so hospitable?"
"Maybe, as part of saving water, we could arrange this shower together?" he laughed from under the door.
"Since when are you pro eco?" I laughed too, out of the corner of my eye, however, checking that I had definitely locked myself out from the inside.
The stream of hot water relaxed my body. I took my time. I felt I needed to focus, to find time to think about the whole situation. Two days ago, the overwhelming frown was driving me crazy. I was forcefully preoccupied with nonsense things just to distract myself from my own emptiness, but today?
Like any normal teenager, I was trying to refresh myself after a party. I was going to spend the day parading around in my best friend's T-shirt, and strangely enough, I was enjoying it. I felt like I was sick on my first walk, after a month of lying in a cast.I also thought about Edward, although I decided to still give myself this day to be carefree, because unraveling about him was causing me pain. My mind was a mess, as if millions of electrical charges were bouncing around each other disorderly. I felt that they wanted to form some important thought, but I instinctively delayed that moment of enlightenment.
Disheveled, without makeup, pink from scrubbing, dressed in a loose white T-shirt, panties and socks borrowed from Jake, I finally emerged from the bathroom. Well, I wasn't feeling particularly sexy, but I was in an accomplished mood and genuinely enjoying the prospect of spending the whole day at La Push.
"Jaaakeee!" I exclaimed. "You have a free bathroom!"
"Bells, when I leave we'll eat something, okay? I don't know about you, but I'm starving!"

Without waiting for Jake, I decided to review the refrigerator. Well, it was apparent that food plays an important role in the life of the pack, because the fridge was filled with it in almost factory quantities. They had an appetite, the boys had...

Apparently, they were also in the habit of visiting each other suddenly and emptying all those supplies in the process. I started baking a stack of pancakes because I noticed a bowl of fresh raspberries in the kitchen and developed an appetite for something sweet. For Jacob, probably the best breakfast would be eggs on bacon or something like that. Lots and nutritious...

I thought - okay, there will be eggs too. I went out to the porch to ask if Billy would also eat with us. He smiled at me gratefully for the offer. Clearly, they were missing a bit of a woman's hand in the kitchen.

When Jake appeared in the doorway, everything was ready. I guess he was in a hurry for that morning toilet, because droplets of water were still dripping from his hair and the skin on his body was still damp. He smelled fresh, something resinous. I associated this smell with our night..He was still wearing only his pants and was still barefoot.
At the sight of the food, he exuded the pure enthusiasm of a hungry guy. He looked at me with appreciation and said: "Come live with me! "
I laughed and replied: "Oh, so it's all about cooking!"?
"Well, and also about..." he added in a sensual voice and then laughed himself.
"Okay, romance later, now to the table!" I replied and sat down to my pancakes myself. While eating, I could not take my eyes off Jacob, who was munching his meal. He was taking visible pleasure in it, eating five eggs, a ton of bacon, eight slices of bread and five of my pancakes with raspberries.
He probably ate that much every day, and there wasn't an ounce of fat on his body - just himself, beautifully sculpted muscles. Apparently, all fairy-tale creatures were also characterized by fairy-tale physicality. And I, in my droopy socks and hairstyle ala wild tigress, must have looked exceedingly funny. Jake thanked me for breakfast and got up to get some coffee, while I milked the last bite and began to collect the dishes.
Suddenly Jake laughed.
"Bells, you got that pretty face of yours dirty... here..." He took me under the chin and gently touched the spot dirty from the raspberry juice with his thumb, and then, taking advantage of my confusion before I had time to react, he gently kissed the red spot on my lips. Tentatively, himself probably surprised by his own idea.
I did not react, because this small gesture awakened a butterfly in my stomach! He was going crazy, racing apparently with my pulse, because my heart was pounding like crazy. Jacob, sensing what was happening to me, looked questioningly into my eyes, and, embarrassed even more, I had an overwhelming urge to run away, aware of the contradiction of my own demands with my body's reactions.
"Bells, you seriously like me..." he muttered in my ear in the sweet tone of a happy-go-lucky boy, with his right hand brazenly wandering under my T-shirt, straight to my bottom. God, instead of defending myself, saving the remnants of appearances, I clung to him with my whole body. He kept his balance only so he could lean against the kitchen counter, and I began to kiss him passionately. My head was spinning, I was short of breath as I felt his tongue in my mouth, and the butterflies in my stomach had already multiplied to a hundred individuals drunk with desire.
When I felt through the material of our clothes how aroused he was, I momentarily remembered the delight he had offered me when we were able to taste each other this one and only time...
God, how I craved him. I hugged his neck, still not pulling away from his soft lips. His eyelids were closed, his breathing quickened, and with one hand he continued to caress my buttocks, pressing me tightly against him, while he kept the other on my waist, slightly in front, on my belly, then gently directed it toward my breasts.
He purred with satisfaction, discovering that I wasn't wearing a bra. He caressed me, driving me wild. He stroked my breasts in gentle, circular motions, as if in awe of their shape and elasticity. At one point he stopped kissing for a moment, looked deeply into my eyes and asked with a shy smile, "What are the chances that you will go to the room with me now...?"
"Zero!" I heard a voice, but it did not belong to me. Three laughing faces appeared in the doorway: Quil, Embry and Seth.
"Idiots!" I recognized the voice of Leah, who appeared a second later. Looking at them with pity, she added, "As you can see, idiocy has more than one face... And three, to be specific!" She turned to me, pretending not to see how embarrassed I was by their sudden intrusion. "What a foolishness to hug each other with the door wide open... Grab your shorts, although a sturdy chastity belt would come in handy in this situation."

And then she threw the gray short shorts in my direction.
"Thanks... I thought Emily was going to toss them to me..."
Leah's eyes darkened and she chuckled, "Romeo and Juliet went off the reservation, bringing Seattle residents to nausea with their outpourings of love."
"Then where...?" I asked.
Unexpectedly, Seth interjected, whooping with laughter, "Jake had an intrusive comment about your not fully clothed ass. He was broadcasting like a city radio station, hahaha."
Everyone laughed, with only Leah walking on the porch to Billy muttering "Stupid cub!"
He, on the other hand, hissed quietly in response, probably hoping that Leah would not hear this.

"Bitch."
To my surprise, Leah snorted a laugh under her breath, without even turning toward her brother.
"Scenes from the daily lives of the members of the pack. Ignore them, Bells," Jake said, summing up the whole thing.
The boys had already made themselves comfortable and were sweeping up the rest of the pancakes, and I thought the amount would be enough for a colony of kids for a week. They nibbled on them with sausages found in the refrigerator and yesterday's yeast rolls. I liked the view. I even understood why... There was life in each of them! You could almost hear the strong beating of their hearts, feel the unique warmth and envy their sensitive senses. No, not one life, in each of them were enclosed two existences.

Wolf and Human. Human sensitivity, pure, expressive feelings plus wolf appetite and temperament and primal joy, felt with the whole being. Until the day before yesterday, I felt half on the other side. I had become accustomed to the idea that death was my fate, and I wanted to come out the other side, to welcome it like a benefactor. It was supposed to connect me forever with my beloved, let me last forever. And yet now, I preferred warmth to the cold that had been so close until recently... Was Edward more important to me than the will to live?
I stubbornly pushed back thinking about him until tomorrow. I promised myself not to spoil this Sunday.
I got fully dressed, tied my already dried hair in a ponytail and went out in front of the house to see what everyone was laughing so hard about again. Jacob, Embry, Seth, Paul, Jared and Quil were playing ball. I decided to lie down in the semi shade on a deck chair, which folded stood leaning against a tree. I arranged myself comfortably and watched the boys' actions with amusement. I had an excellent vantage point from my seat. They were involved in the game like players of the national team.
You could see how they enjoyed the competition, how ambitious they were. I focused my gaze on Jacob. He was running without the slightest effort. He was as agile as a dancer in movement, quite unlike other men of muscular build. He was everywhere. I looked from under half-closed eyelids at his muscular back damp with sweat, at the neck I embraced with such fervor in the morning, at his snow-white smile when he joked about Seth's soccer skills. Who was he?
I imagined what he went through, undergoing a transformation. Everything came into focus at one time. He was becoming a man from a boy, his carefree attitude was replaced by his duty to the Wataha, and on top of that the woman he loved stubbornly denied him her feelings. In addition, she wanted to die as soon as possible in order to be reborn as a vampire, all for a person belonging to the species he hated so much.
And yet, even in the face of all these emotions that gripped him, he retained the dignity and courage not to change, to remain himself and love fervently, boldly showing this love. He had a youthful stubbornness and an irresistible desire to break the rules, thanks to which I was now sitting on a deck chair in front of his house and looking at him, spinning these reflections. He impressed me and I understood him perfectly, for love alone I could do anything...
A few dozen hours ago I was almost ready to accept death immediately, just to be reunited with Edward forever, but now I needed time to redefine my feelings. A lot of time, I suddenly stopped rushing... There are probably more people in the world who will never have to choose, but I suppose there are also people like me, carrying the burden of responsibility for their future on their shoulders. And it wasn't just my life that depended on this decision.