A/N: Criminal Minds does not belong to me-obviously! :)
It's been an insanely long time since I've written anything, so please bare with me! I'm still getting back into the swing of things so if the pacing is off, or something seems OOC, just let me know! I welcome all constructive criticism. Enjoy!
Ten minutes. She'd made it exactly ten minutes into her day before her whole world went into a tailspin.
They'd spent the last week working a series of murders in Montana, losing two more women before they'd finally managed to stop the unsub. Those last two victims weighed heavily on the entire team, and she'd hoped they'd at least get through the next 24 hours with some semblance of peace before the cycle started all over again. Instead, that peace had lasted a whole whopping ten minutes.
She flipped through the photos splayed out on her desk in a disturbing timeline of her life, her stomach twisting tighter with every new shot, each more intimate than the last. Images of her leaving the gym, shopping at a local market, dinner with Penelope and Emily. When she got to the one of her undressing in her bedroom, her back to the window, she dropped the stack as if they'd burned her.
Hot acid shot up her throat and it was all she could do not to vomit on her desk. How had she not noticed some one following her around? Or at least standing outside her bedroom window? She swallowed back bile and pushed to her feet. She had to hold onto the desk to keep herself steady, her eye finally catching the mainlla envelope this whole nightmare began with.
It wasn't addressed to the BAU, or even her, it was addressed to Hotch.
And while they'd made their fair share of enemies, there was only one man doing everything in his power to get under Hotch's skin.
Foyet.
Gathering up the photos, she made her way out of her office and down the hall to her unit chief's door. She paused, watching him from the doorway, her stomach like lead. They'd only been back a day and already he was neck deep in paperwork. He hadn't come out once since he'd gotten in this morning before the sun came up, and she doubted he'd be leaving until well after it went down. While the rest of them struggled to put in the regular eight hour shift after the week they'd had.
She rapped lightly on the door before slowly pushing it open wider. Flipping between files, the older man didn't so much as lift his head at her entrance, his focus entirely on the stack of cases in front of him.
"What can I do for you?"
She watched as his brow furrowed, something in the file he was working on clearly distressing him. Which was saying something with the cases that typically landed on his desk. Briefly she wondered if it was really worth interrupting him now when he so clearly had his hands full.
She must have been silent for too long, because he did look up then, concern etched into his features.
"JJ?" he prompted softly.
There were bags under his eyes, tired lines around his mouth. He looked like a man on the verge of giving into exhaustion, and who could blame him after everything he'd been through? Not that long ago he'd nearly lost his life to Foyet, only to have to give up his family to protect them when he needed them most. Sending away his son had definitely been the final straw.
The last thing she wanted to do was add to his stress, especially when it came to Foyet. He was drowning in guilt and doubt for not accepting Foyet's deal, even more so now that Haley and Jack were gone. And no matter how many times the rest of them assured him he'd made the right decision, it was hard to believe when he'd been the one to lose everything.
She contemplated going back to her office and shredding the photos before anyone else saw them. It wasn't as if she couldn't handle herself. She may not have been a profiler, but she was still an FBI agent. She carried a gun and had all the same training they did. Did she really need to make this anyone else's problem? They were just photos...
Taking in the slumped set of his shoulders and the look of resignation in his dark eyes, her heart ached for the man in front of her. She couldn't bring herself to dump anything else on him.
Licking her lips, she shook her head.
"Nothing," she said quickly, pasting a smile on her face. "Nevermind. Sorry to bother you."
She backtracked out of his office and back down the hall to hers as quickly as she could without drawing undue attention. They were just pictures, she reasoned again. So she needed to remember to keep her curtains closed. Be more aware of her surroundings.
They were probably meant to scare her, or more likely to drive home the point to Hotch that he couldn't save everyone. Like he needed that reminder, especially when his own son was holed up somewhere, left for someone else to protect. She knew that had to drive Hotch crazier than anything, not being able to protect his own family. He didn't need this. And JJ wasn't about to be the reason for any more distress in Aaron Hotchner's life.
Locking her office door behind her, she shredded every last photo before she could change her mind again, and went back to digging through the stack of files on her desk, eager to choose their next case and put this whole morning behind her.
JJ spent the next two days much the same way, avoiding Hotch as much as was humanly possible considering they worked together. Only coming out of her office when she was in desperate need of coffee or the restroom, and only after she was certain Hotch was holed up in his office. To her immense relief, Hotch seemed oblivious to her avoidance tactics, lost in his world of isolation and paperwork.
Right up until they caught a case.
"I understand. I'll take it to my team now."
Hanging up the phone, JJ steeled herself for what was to come. She couldn't hide from Hotch forever, she knew that, but her absolute resolve to protect Hotch did not come without doubt, second guessing, and a lot of guilt.
"Garcia," she called, spotting the technical analyst passing by for the fifth time that morning. "Would you mind gathering the others in the debriefing room?"
The perky blonde poked her head in with a smile, happy to finally be noticed with her not so subtle attempts at beaking JJ's self imposed exile. "No problem, buttercup!"
She shook her head, Penelope's smile infectious. She really should have stopped her friend sooner. if anyone could help her forget her own secrets for a little while, it was Penelope.
Ten minutes later she was standing in front of the debriefing room, her head down as the other members of the team filed in and took their respective seats, pretending to be engrossed in the file she held in her hands to avoid making eye contact with a certain unit chief.
From the corner of her eye she watched as Emily and Morgan found their way in first, followed by Reid and Rossi, and at last the one man from whom she'd been trying so hard to keep her distance. The guilt at hiding something from Hotch was getting to her. She could barely look at him without feeling nauseous.
Taking a deep breath, she put all thoughts of Hotch and secret photos out of her mind.
"We've got four dead in a home invasion in Southeast D.C." JJ began as Garcia passed a copy of the report to each of the profilers seated around the table, careful to keep her eyes focused on the photos on the screen as she went over the details sent by local PD.
Emily cocked her head to the side curiously. "What was the cause of death?"
"Blunt force trauma," JJ answered. "No gun, no knives."
"They did all this with no weapons?" Emily's brows rose in surprise as she studied the photos.
JJ nodded grimly, her gaze straying to Hotch momentarily before quickly darting back to Emily.
Morgan sat back in his chair, tapping his pen against the palm of his hand. "Anything taken from the homes?"
"Nada," Garcia confirmed as she came to stand next to JJ.
"What race were the victims?" he asked, the pen pausing mid-tap.
"Two couples, one white, one black."
"So not racially motivated then." he mused.
"It doesn't seem like it," JJ agreed.
"Have we been invited in?" Hotch spoke for the first time, glancing up from his copy of the report.
JJ swallowed hard, forcing herself to meet his gaze. "Yeah, cops want us to meet them at the crime scene."
Hotch nodded. "Okay, we leave in 5."
The rest of the team nodded their agreement and scooped up their reports before heading for the door. It wasn't until JJ made her way for the hall that she realized she wasn't alone.
"JJ."Hotch stopped her with a gentle touch to her bicep. "Is everything okay?"
She looked up at him then, worry darkening his features. In that instant, her guilt for keeping the photos a secret from him disappeared.
"Everything's great," she smiled, covering his hand for just a moment with her own.
This was one small kindness she could do for him, shoulder just this one situation. If it got out of hand, if anything more came of it, she'd share it with the team. But until there was something worth being worried over, she'd keep this to herself.