Chapter VII

Conversations

Every time I think I am out of the woods, I am back in the fire.

Robert Black

Entering the bathroom uninvited, I was determined to explain to him how I really felt.

"If you're here to wash my back, forgive me, but I'm doing fine on my own." He turned his back on me.

"Jake, talk to me, you didn't let me say anything."

"You already said everything in your sleep."

"Jake, you know how much you mean to me, understand that Edward..."

"Can you leave me alone? I want at least some privacy in my own bathroom! Come out!"

"Not until you talk to me."

"Okay, then I'll pretend you're not here." He turned to face him now, displaying his toned, masculine body, and I must admit it was damn hard to look him straight in the eye right now.

"Jake, don't act like a child."

"You're acting like a child yourself! And I already said, get out, I want to wash up." He soaped himself calmly, not intending even for a moment to pay his attention to what I wanted to explain to him.

"Jake!" I shouted.

"I can't hear anything, the water is roaring!"

He annoyed me so much with his ignoring all attempts at contact that I made the final decision, shedding my sleeping T-shirt and shorts, and before he knew what I wanted to do, I opened the shower door and stood before him as God had made me.

"Are you still going to pretend you're deaf?!"

"Do you know that if you came here on your own, you're not leaving anytime soon? Silly Bella... You're playing with fire!" he said ominously.

There was something alien, ruthless in his eyes, something I had never encountered before. He slid his gaze over my naked body from head to toe, tilted his head slightly, biting his lower lip as if assessing his abilities, lifted me effortlessly, forcing me to wrap my thighs around his waist, leaned me back against the tile, put his hands under my buttocks and crashed into me before I could protest.

I groaned and my eyes filled with tears. I probably would have started to struggle and scream, but my eyes literally went dark and I had to focus on breathing. I involuntarily rested my head on his shoulder and felt myself growing weak and limp. He was probably well aware of what was happening to me, now carrying my entire weight in his hands. He was brutal, self-centred, penetrating my body with a passion I had never experienced before. I didn't know Jacob like that, and I didn't even think he could be like that. I never thought I'd be a toy in his hands either. I guess he was right, so far there were tender words and frolics, and now I, the girl he spoiled, served his satisfaction.

At the climax, he clung to me even tighter and buried his head in my neck so that I could feel his hot, accelerated breath on my skin. While still inside, he held me in his arms for a moment longer.

Then he gently lowered himself to the ground, turned around, slid open the shower door, shook the excess water out of his hair, wrapped a towel around his waist and, dripping water from his body, went into the room, saying, "I need to sleep."

I was still naked in the shower, my knees were shaking, I was sore. Jake didn't care if he gave me pain or pleasure. And he gave them both equally. He treated me like a gift, and I gave myself to him when I went to the shower. I didn't regret this decision, because the paradox happened, I didn't feel used, just stunned and in love. The chafing between my thighs ached, as did my heart. I didn't understand anything.

What happened to my boy? Where had his tenderness and uncertainty gone? He'd been angry before, too, but he'd never, ever do anything like this. Suddenly the truth hit me: now, in the face of danger, adrenaline was coursing through his veins with a little bit of blood. He acted this way because instinct ruled him. So the Volturi were getting closer.

Why can't anything be normal and predictable in my life? I would never believe a story like mine if I wasn't the main character. By accepting the truth of legends and fairy tales, I must have reached my own peak of imagination, but I still had to understand the irreversible changes that had taken place in my heart. Fate played out on me. I was alone, feeling abandoned, this time by the one I used to abandon myself.

The next few days were very similar.

Jacob gave me a wide berth after the whole incident. He did everything he could to come home when I was already in bed. Sometimes I pretended to be asleep in the morning, and then I knew that when she came back from patrol, she would sit in the chair next to me and look at me in silence. What could those unspoken words tell me? I did not know.

There was tension in the air, and everyone, telepathically or otherwise, must have seen that we were now separated by a wall. Maybe it's just my hypersensitivity, but I actually felt the gloomy looks of the pack members on my back. It was stupid for me to be among them and try to behave normally. Sometimes I wished they could read my mind. Maybe if Jake knew what I felt, without my involvement or even my will, he'd believe it was true. But was it too late for that?

On the fourth day, I plucked up my courage and as soon as he woke up, I asked him to come home with me to get some clean clothes. He agreed.

We've been silent since we got into the car together. Halfway through, I decided to make another attempt to break the ice.

"Jake... please..."

"What can I do for you, Bella?"

"Jake, for God's sake, what's the matter with you?"

"What's going on? I haven't noticed any changes, but if you're uncomfortable around me, I'll ask Emily and Sam to stay with them." He spoke to me like an English noble in an audience with the queen.

"Jake," I felt like crying, "I have to tell you something..."

"Bella, about that incident in the shower, I'm so sorry and I'm sorry a thousand times over. I hope I didn't hurt you. I don't know what got into me, I guess adrenaline has been driving me lately. It will not happen again."

I didn't want to talk about that...

"Bells, let's get some things straight. I'll protect you for as long as I live, but I won't let you lie to me again, so whatever you have to say to me, think twice."

He caught me off guard again and THESE words didn't leave my throat. Jake looked at me sadly and whispered, "I thought so." I could only regret being such a coward.

We were leaving the reserve border when Jacob hissed furiously "It seems your prince has returned."

Edward's car was parked by the road.

There must have been thousands of gestures, words, and deeds I could have done then. But I was governed by a stupid heart, torn apart by the contradiction of feelings. Edward was leaning against his car as if waiting for me, and I nearly jumped out of Jacob's car, and in that moment, it didn't matter that Jake was looking at me and drawing conclusions that would surely have further consequences. What mattered was this moment and the avalanche of memories that the sight of Edward had unleashed.

I don't know how to describe what I felt, it wasn't love, but rather an explosion of long suppressed emotions. Like a soul rupture, full as a balloon filled with air. Millions of thoughts, remorse, disappointed dreams, plans never to come true... It was a relief for a person who had been given a second chance to say goodbye to a suddenly deceased parent, brother, friend or beloved.

Jacob got out after me, but stayed by the car, looking resignedly at this emotional welcome scene. I snuggled greedily into Edward's arms, as if escaping the outside world, partly because it was him, because I was desperate for affection, and maybe because for that moment I could think back to a time when everything was simple. I needed at least a moment of illusions. Edward snuggled into my hair and with a gentle movement that I know so well, took his face in both hands and placed a light kiss on my lips. Then, still holding me, he turned to the car I had come in.

He wasn't going to pretend he didn't see Jacob.

"Jacob," he nodded in a cool greeting.

"Edward," he replied dryly.

I expected verbal harassment, arguments, perhaps fisticuffs, but in this world such brawls were not needed. After all, thanks to Alice, Edward must have known who Jacob was to me, even if he didn't know it himself. He had plenty of time to prepare for this meeting. There was no anger in him that dominated Jacob's emotions.

Edward was as calm as ever. He looked at him coldly and said "I underestimated you."

"You underestimated Bella." Jacob replied honestly.

"If I hadn't let her experience her adult life alone..."

"If you weren't such a complete loser and the woman you love wouldn't let her experience her adult life alone... she'd probably be with you now, although she'd probably be poorer for certain experiences." Jacob smiled, narrowing his eyes.

"Do not provoke me."

Edward pushed me slightly aside, as if preparing for a physical confrontation.

"Don't worry leech, this page of history is still being written. Well, I wish I could claim the title of triumphant, but alas Bella..."

"Jake! Please...not now." I shouted. I didn't want to hear it. And I didn't want Edward to know that.

"I thought you were a bit smarter," Edward said, as if surprised. I knew what he meant. He was surprised that Jake didn't seem to know who I had chosen.

Jacob took a few steps forward, now we were two meters apart. Certain that Edward dared to make fun of him, he said with a cynical smile "At least I'm not the idiot giving a rival a woman on a platter, dressed in purple lace."

It was too much. As soon as I had time to dodge, they lunged at each other.

All hell broke loose right under my feet. I've never seen such a rapid transformation before. Jake took a wolf shape before he even got to Edward, and since they were so close, it must have been fractions of a second. Both were superhumanly strong, designed to defend and kill each other. Jacob would have been able to rip a vampire apart with ease, but Edward had a great deal of experience in avoiding death and was superior to him in speed. At first, when they clung forcefully to each other, they looked like a living ball of matter. I heard crackling, the sound of skin tearing, I saw blood. Vampires don't bleed, so it belonged to Jacob.

I screamed at the top of my voice for them to stop, because it was the only thing I could do without risking my life. And although I had seen fight scenes before, this view was breathtaking. It wasn't about the will to survive, each of the opponents didn't care about their lives at the moment, it was about pure hatred, and if that was enough to annihilate, I'd have two corpses in front of me right now.

The fight lasted a few minutes, was surprisingly even, consisted of precise blows and dodging them. I could feel the tension building, the lava of anger coursing through their veins, that only one would survive, or maybe they would both kill each other. I was screaming all the time, begging, begging them to stop.

"You're reducing my chances of survival! Without you, the Volturi will get me easily," I shouted. I felt that if there was an argument to stop this duel before it was late, it was about me.

I was right.

They jumped away from each other as if preparing for another engagement, but I jumped between them then, and they would have had to crush me to reach each other with their fangs.

"Bella, what are you doing?!" Edward shouted furiously.

"Enough of that! If I have any chance of surviving, it's you! I feel guilty for the hatred you feel for each other, but spare me mourning one of you today. Maybe these are the last days of my life, please!"

They stopped fighting.

Jacob walked over to the car, where there were always some spare clothes, and went back to his form there. He put on new pants. His body was filthy with blood, and his eyes still shone with rage.

"We can protect you without him," he hissed over his shoulder.

"Jake!"

Edward took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. His hands were still clenched into fists and his eyes were blackened with anger.

"Listen, mongrel, treat the fact that you are still alive only in the category of Bella's wishes fulfilled. Nothing would ever make me happier than to give your soul to the hell it comes from. But - "

Jacob snarled, "I'm here to protect Bella and Charlie's house," Edward continued. "It is not known where the Volturi will appear. All we know is that there will be six of them. Bodyguards, a kind of warriors. They blindly obey the orders of the royal family, and the order is to bring Bella to the palace in a state that allows her transformation. Caius knows that Bella has chosen a mortal life, so he chooses to ignore her wishes and plan her future himself. Volturi don't give second chances, it's their way of maintaining obedience among their kind."

"Bella," he turned to me, "Charlie will be protected by me, and please, listen to Sam absolutely. I can't show myself to the wolves' territory, so you're only under their protection there... "

"Which is undoubtedly sufficient. We've been doing great without you," Jake chimed in.

"Oh yeah, you did do just fine," Edward growled.

"Enough!" I shouted.

Edward turned his back to Jacob and his face to me. He took my hand and looked into my eyes. "Bella, you know it's goodbye, right?"

I couldn't answer, tears welled up in my eyes.

"Maybe in another world, in another life, we'd have a chance. But apparently fate wanted otherwise, I guess I was right that no love can rob the world of the living of you. Bella... Don't cry. I will protect you as long as you breathe. I will watch. Now your heartbeat is my sense. I love you. I wish I could control time... but I can't change the past."

I couldn't speak, I sobbed, burying my face into his chest. He stroked my back slowly, trying to calm me down. After a moment he whispered, "Don't make my mistake. Fight for love." He pulled away from me slightly, as if signaling that it was time to part ways.

At the same moment, Jacob, who was now at a distance, leaning against his car, said in a cool voice, "Are you staying to make out with the leech or are you coming back?"

A spark of amusement flickered in Edward's eyes.

"Go now, love."

I got into the car, and God knows that at this moment I would rather go to Caius and beg him for death. My soul was torn in two halves.

"Let's go get those clothes of yours," Jacob said. And off we went.

When I got back to the car, to my surprise Jake smiled and asked, "You really didn't want to stay with the leech, did you?"

"Black, don't provoke me! It's really not the best time!"

"Bella, I'm serious."

"And what? If I say yes, you'll screech your tires and, breaking the traffic rules, immediately deliver me back to Edward? Maybe it's actually better, given the current situation, that I disappear from the reservation. Maybe it's not too late to surprise the Volturi with a turnaround?" I shouted straight into his eyes.

"Jeeez, Bells, I'm asking what YOU want."

"Let's make a deal: you move and don't talk to me again! I want to be there now."

"Where?"

"In your house, you idiot!"

I didn't grace him with a glance after this exchange of pleasantries, but I could see out of the corner of my eye that he smiled triumphantly. Damn Black!