A/N: I don't own Harry Potter or any related characters
This is for the QLFC
Team: Puddlemere United
Position: Captain
Prompt: I don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you.
Warning: Canon off screen death. Age gap
Word count: 1000
I don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you.
Don't want to lie to everyone,
to pretend I don't feel something,
that our hearts don't beat in time.
Always thought soulmates were just a lie,
just a way to justify...
falling hard,
falling fast,
for someone you shouldn't.
Maybe I should have done more research?
Maybe I should have believed?
Seventeen came,
a magical age of everything,
of being able to do everything,
no one watching,
no Trace to tell on me.
Magic at my fingertips,
magic that swirled in pretty spirals,
magic that showed me your image in my dreams.
I knew you,
hated you,
swore I could never,
ever,
ever,
ever love you.
You were the enemy,
oh, I heard the rumors,
heard you were truly on our side.
I didn't want to believe.
You were so cruel,
so horrible.
How could I justify this new feeling in my heart?
How could I pretend I didn't feel it?
A little secret in the way I looked at you,
a little secret in the way my mind tried to wrap around the concept of you,
of me,
of us together.
There was brilliance there.
There was intelligence to match my own.
Isn't that one of the qualities I'd always looked for?
Why did it have to be you though?
Why...
why...
and for a moment I can see something in your eyes.
I can see a sadness,
a spark of an emotion you're trying to hide.
I know you see me in your dreams.
I know the bond works both ways.
Keeping secrets,
the pair of us.
Keeping the beating of our hearts quiet,
pretending they don't beat for one another.
I can't fall in love with you.
I can't allow myself to be distracted.
There's a war coming,
a war that needs me,
a war that I don't know if we can win.
I should have known you'd know the answers.
You are so brilliant,
so close to the front lines.
Fighting on both sides,
keeping everyone guessing,
guessing,
guessing which side you're truly on.
There's reverence when you talk of the Dark Lord.
There's anguish when you talk about Professor Dumbledore.
There's a tinge of something else both times,
a breakage that never truly healed.
It's not my place to fix it.
I shouldn't even care.
And yet,
your hand on mine in my dreams,
your eyes meeting mine,
a moment of something between us,
a lightning strike that makes me shake upon waking.
A soft conversation,
whispered words when no one's around.
I need to keep it secret,
keep you secret,
my jumbled feelings.
If He knew...
I laugh,
telling the Dark Lord I'm in love with you isn't a possibility.
You can shield your mind,
no worries of him learning from you,
no worries of him using you to get to me and vice versa.
It's lonely on the run,
lonely without seeing you daily,
trying to avoid feeling the feelings we both share.
I can hear your voice sometimes,
in the background,
in the back of my mind.
Are my thoughts now yours?
Are yours now mine?
Yet another way we seem connected,
another secret to keep.
There's so many of them.
Each more dangerous than last.
We still meet in dreams,
still almost touch,
too afraid of what would happen if we did.
Even in dreaming you protect me.
I long for you touch,
long to embrace this building bond.
Long gone are the reservations I had.
Long gone are the feelings of hatred,
of disgust,
of fear.
No, they were replaced,
one by one,
with trust,
with love,
with...
I dare not even think it,
think of how my body would respond to your touch.
No.
There are things I will not think about,
not allow myself to dream about.
There is war around us,
surrounding us,
and for all appearances we are on opposite sides.
I can't tell the world the truth about you,
about how you're a spy,
a double agent,
a man I now trust entirely.
No, you've sworn me to secrecy.
If you don't survive,
I will break that promise.
I will not let you die a villain.
Everything is coming closer and closer.
Horacruxes destroyed,
the sword in hand.
Getting ready for the final battle.
Getting ready for what could be the end.
I can feel you,
sense you if I focus,
if I try.
I know you're worried about me,
about yourself.
You'd thought you'd lost all reason to live,
were ready to accept the consequences of your choices.
Now, you're not so sure.
I'm here, standing in Hogsmeade,
wand in trembling hand,
knowing this is what it has come to.
Hoping I'll survive,
you'll survive,
that there might be a chance for us after all.
Footsteps flooding the night,
armies coming,
growing,
everyone getting ready for the fight.
Head held high as I follow Harry,
as we all head to finish this once and for all.
Now,
now the battle field looms before us.
Smoke fills the air,
the scent of fire,
of spells shot in every direction.
Death Eaters in every direction.
Face to face with
you in your mask,
but I know it's you,
can feel the beat of your heart,
the beat of my own,
in time,
as one.
Facing each other,
wands drawn.
I know the spells,
I know how to make you fall,
to make it look like...
Can I do it,
can I make them believe I've attacked you,
that you've fallen?
The idea of hurting you,
even pretending to...
and then,
I'm frozen.
Body bound,
laid gently aside,
tucked safely away,
with your promise to return whispered in my ear.
I can only watch,
only wait,
as cries of anguish fill the room,
fill the air.
The sound of death,
of mourning,
screaming and grieving.
Is it you?
Did he kill you?
Will you return?
Or is my heart completely broken by a secret I could never tell.