Payson sighed as she exited the locker room. She saw the back of Sasha's head hunched over his desk and her heart clenched. She wasn't conflicted, she just felt so incredibly stupid that she could barely stand herself. She also apparently wasn't very subtle because she had avoided Austin like the plague all day after Kaylie's words had forced her into the realization that she was either completely blind or willfully ignorant or maybe just conceited beyond belief. She took a sip of water and tried to clear her head, but it wasn't working and she had to go up on beam, where you needed a complete focus or you'd hurt yourself.
"Payson, you ready?" Sasha called her over. And then there's Sasha. She sighed. I have to stop it or I'm going to fall on my head on the mount. "Payson," he said again, his voice a little louder this time.
"Yeah," she answered as casually as she could. She stood at the edge of the mat, and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath; she visualized the mount to her beam routine, opened them, and began. She held onto the beam, her legs straight in the air, her center of gravity pushing back, holding the move, one-one thousand, two-one thousand, and down, she bent her body into the walk-over and landed on her tip-toes, arms extended, fingers pointed out.
"Excellent," she heard Sasha say, mostly to himself. She went through the rest of her beam routine, her mind full of nothing but whatever move was ahead of her, before finally dismounting and sticking the landing. She closed her eyes and sighed in relief. She could felt the beads of sweat on her forehead.
"Payson, are you alright?" Sasha asked, approaching her. Her eyes were still closed, but she could feel him inches from her. Her body instinctively shivered in response, awaiting the pleasure that usually accompanied his approach. She bit her lip and opened her eyes. He was standing right in front of her, worry lines marring his forehead. "Payson?"
She shook her head, "I'm fine, just back off, okay," she muttered, walking away before he could react, but not before she saw the hurt flash in his eyes. "I've got to go. I've got to get Becca home," she called to him, not turning around, just heading straight for the locker room to shower and change.
The shower served its purpose, she was clean, but the hot water had done nothing to relax her, since the only free stall had been the one she and Sasha had occupied one night, where he'd indulged one of the first, but certainly not the last, fantasy she'd had of them together. Becca was waiting for her in the hall the led to the locker room. "Took you long enough," she said, but Payson's glare was enough to shut her little sister's mouth.
They pulled up to their house, but Payson didn't pull into the driveway. "You're not coming in?" Becca said, looking at her strangely.
Payson shook her head, "It's Saturday night. I'm going out."
"Mom and Dad would kill you if they knew you were staying out late while they were away, leaving me home alone."
"Becca, you're thirteen years old. Mom and Dad leave you home alone all the time. It's only seven thirty. I won't be back late. I'm just going out, like any other normal seventeen year old girl would on a Saturday night."
Becca scoffed, "You're like the least normal seventeen year old in the world, Pay," she said, getting out of the car.
Payson rolled her eyes, "I know, make sure you lock the door behind you when you go in," she reminded Becca, watching her sister get into the house before she pulled away and headed back towards the Rock.
She pulled her car back into her parking spot, put the car into park and just sat there for a moment. She'd been incredibly rude to Sasha. No one else had been around, but still, she saw the look in his eyes as she'd walked away. Disappointment was the only word she could think of. It had annoyed her. Who is he to be disappointed in me? He's my coach and my…he's my…I love him and I was so rude and he didn't deserve it. "Damn it!" she said, slamming her hand down on her steering wheel in frustration.
Then she nearly leapt out of her skin when someone knocked on her window. "Austin," she said, recognizing the familiar face of her friend. She put her hand to her chest and sighed. "You scared the hell out of me," she said, as she opened her car door and stepped into the parking lot. Not just into the parking lot, though, because suddenly he was there, right next to her, hovering at her shoulder.
"You okay, Keeler?" he asked. "You looked pretty upset just now." She looked up at him and sighed wearily. How, in a few hours, had she gone from deliriously happy in the arms of a wonderful man she loved to the skin of her arm tingling pleasantly because another man was brushing against it? It wasn't what she felt with Sasha, this was smaller, a simple awareness that an attractive man was near her, but in her present state of mind it was enough to throw her off.
"I'm fine," she said, taking a step back and looking up at him. It was genuine concern for her playing across his face. "Really, I'm fine. I've just had a rough day and I'm looking forward to unwinding."
He squinted at her and smirked, "Only you would have a rough day at the gym and come back to the gym to unwind…" he trailed off, taking in her appearance, casual, but definitely not workout attire and laughed softly to himself, "I get it," he said, an ironic grin appearing.
She exhaled and bit her lip, looking up at him, "Yeah," she said, not sure what else to say. Please let this stop being awkward now.
She heard jingling of keys and saw Sasha standing at the door to the Rock, locking it up.
Austin saw her eyes shift and followed the direction of her gaze, "Ah, well that's my cue, Keeler. Have fun, what did you call it? Unwinding?" he said, patting her arm and walking towards Lolita parked a few spots away. "Night, Beloff," he said, lifting a hand towards their coach in farewell, before climbing on the motorcycle and speeding away.
"Hi," she said as he walked towards her.
"Hi," he said back, not giving an inch, making her sweat.
She sighed, knowing it was time to suck it up. "Could we?" she said, motioning towards the trailer.
He nodded and she turned on her heel, blowing out a breath and raising her eyes to the sky where the sun was almost completely down. The street lamps were already on, giving the street an unearthly glow. Then they were in the trailer and he was looking at her expectantly.
"You're going to make me say it," she said, pouting. "I can't just kiss you and we can pretend that I wasn't behaving like a snippy bitch this afternoon?"
He stepped closer and snaking his arms around her waist, pulling her into him. "I am sorry," she murmured, burying her face against his neck, inhaling the masculine scent that always made her feel like nothing could touch her, like she was protected. She wrapped her arms around him, loving how tightly he held her. "This day sucked."
Sasha looked down at her blonde hair, spilling out of the messy bun she'd had it in. He pulled gently at the band holding the confusing twist together and it came loose. She sighed, "Want to tell me about it?" he asked.
She sighed again, this time not in pleasure. He could tell the difference now. "It's so stupid and childish; I don't want to embarrass myself more than I already have."
He smiled against her forehead and planted a kiss there, "You know we're all stupid and childish sometimes. It can't be that bad."
She pulled back and looked up at him. "You know how I feel about you, right?" she said.
"Of course, I do, we wouldn't be here right now if this wasn't real."
She smiled, putting a hand to his whisker roughened cheek and trailing a finger down to his chin, "It was just something Kaylie said today. It's really not a big deal and nothing's changed at all, except I realized something that probably should have been clear to me long before this and now I feel like such an ass."
Sasha had no idea what she was talking about, but he moved a hand up to cup her neck, rubbing against it gently, trying to soothe her. "That feels nice," she said, her neck arching into his touch.
"Everyone had rough days, Payson. Even the number one gymnast in the world," he said, increasing the pressure of his fingers.
"But I took it out on you and I shouldn't have done that," she said, leaning against his chest, her ear against his heart. She looked up at the clock, "I can't stay," she said, "I've got to pick up dinner for Becca and I can't leave her home alone too long."
She hadn't been exaggerating. Not a half hour later, after a few lingering kisses she'd left, mumbling something about seeing him tomorrow.
He watched her pull out of the parking lot not understanding much about what happened that day. It had started off well enough and ended with him having no idea what was going on behind the blue eyes of the woman who had him completely wrapped around her little finger. He sighed, grabbing the keys to the Rock. If nothing else, at least he could get a good workout in. He stepped out of his trailer to see Austin Tucker pulling in on that ridiculous motorcycle. Who rode an Indian Chief anyway? Sasha was more a Norton man himself, a good English motorcycle.
As Sasha approached, Austin furrowed his eyebrows, "I thought Payson said that…" he trailed off, catching the frustrated expression on Sasha's face. "Right, guess that didn't work out."
"Did you come here to chit-chat, Tucker or to train?"
Sasha saw him raise his hands in mock-surrender in the glass doors. He opened the gym doors and walked in, not looking back to see if Austin was following him. He flicked the lights on and the entire gym was suddenly bright with fluorescent light. He grabbed a pair of grips lying next to the parallel bars and chalked his hands up well.
Suddenly, Sasha Beloff, coach was gone, replaced by Sasha Beloff, gymnast. He swung up onto the apparatus, pushing himself immediately into a handstand then swinging down gaining speed and momentum and performing his signature skill, the one they named after him in the Code of Points, before catching himself with his arms. He closed his eyes, visualizing the next element and then the next. It was his Olympic routine; it won him a gold medal in Sydney on this event, along with contributing to this All-Around title. Just the dismount, he could hear Tim Daggett's voice in his head, as he spun himself up onto one bar and flipping over it, landing solidly on his feet. He felt the pain shoot through his knee, but he didn't let his leg buckle. He saluted, signaling the end of the routine and he opened his eyes. Austin Tucker was standing there in front of him, looking impressed.
"Not bad," he said. "That's your routine from Sydney right?" Sasha nodded, catching his breath. "I remember," Austin said. "I wanted to be you," he admitted, lightly, but they both knew he was serious. "In fact, as soon as I turned Elite that was the first parallel bars routine I tried to learn."
Sasha smirked, "How often did you fall flat on your face trying to replicate the Beloff," he asked.
Austin shook his head, "A lot. In fact my coach at the time made me take it out of the routine because I couldn't land it. How long have you been waiting to ask someone that?"
He laughed, "Since they finally named it last year. Do you want to learn it now?" he asked. "I've never worked with a male gymnast who could do it before."
Austin looked at him, "And you think I can?"
Sasha smirked at the younger man. "Austin, you are practically a blue print of the gymnast I was ten years ago. I know you can do it."
And Sasha shifted gears again from gymnast to coach. Despite a nagging voice inside of him, the same voice that urged him to beat Tucker within an inch of his life in London for nothing more than putting his arm around Payson, Sasha knew this young man was talented in the extreme, and obviously fighting a demon or two of his own if he was at the Rock at ten o'clock on a Saturday night. Sound familiar, Beloff? Sounds like what you used to do when you got back to London after MJ had taken up with Marty, training day and night to squash the agonizing pain in your gut.
He focused on Austin, flinging himself into the air, tucking and twisting, before catching himself on the bars on his arms and then swinging down again. "It's pretty ugly," Sasha said, frowning, trying to diagnose the problem. "Your hips, keep them centered to your shoulders, or you're going to lose control again."
"I had control," Austin insisted, trying to catch his breath.
Sasha shook his head, "Barely."
Austin furrowed his brow in confusion, "Can I see you do it again?" he asked.
"Yeah," Sasha said, pulling his t-shirt off. "You need to watch my hips as they center into my shoulders when I release," he explained, tossing the shirt aside. He swung onto the bars, and proceeded to twist and flip himself through them in rapid succession before catching himself at the edge. He lowered himself carefully, not needing to cripple himself with a dismount. "Did you see that?"
Austin bit his lip, "Yeah," he said, but looked like he had more to say.
Sasha looked at him curiously, "What?"
The smirk appeared clearly across the younger man's face, "Your back," he said. "She did a number on you." Sasha's eyes snapped to Austin's immediately. "I didn't realize it had gotten to that point. She said you weren't sleeping together."
Shit, "We're not," Sasha said shortly.
Austin put his hands up, "Didn't mean anything by it, just saying, looks like things got a little out of control."
"Austin, I am not going to talk about this with you, so we can either work on this move which will likely help you win a gold medal on this event in London or you can continue to insinuate and intimate things about a situation that you really don't understand."
The glare he received from the reigning Olympic Gold medalist would have frightened lesser men, but Sasha met it with a steely gaze of his own.
"Oh, I understand perfectly," Austin muttered. "I understand attraction and I understand an intense relationship like the one you have with Payson becoming something more. What I don't understand, and no offense meant," Sasha raised his eyebrows; this should be good, "what I don't understand is how the two most disciplined people I've ever met managed to break every rule there is like it's nothing."
Sasha sighed. "I don't have a good explanation for you," he said.
Austin smirked, "It's not for the sex, obviously, although if that's what she does to you when you're not screwing, I can only imagine –" he stopped speaking when he caught Sasha's sharp glare.
"You ever been in love, Austin?" Sasha asked him, steering the conversation hopefully towards a swift conclusion.
"No, don't think I have," he said.
Sasha nodded, "I have, once before, at least that's what I thought it was at the time," he said.
"MJ Martin," Austin said, and Sasha rolled his eyes, apparently everyone does know about that one.
"Right, well, regardless of the who, it ended badly, very badly. I was crushed, utterly decimated by that woman."
Austin shook his head, "I don't understand what this has to do with Payson."
"What I felt for MJ, even the pain afterwards, was like pricking my finger with a needle, compared to the way I feel about Payson," he said. "I can't control it, neither can she and we are two extremely disciplined people. We fought it for months. We're used to denying ourselves things we want and it just didn't matter, we kept finding out way back to each other again." Sasha met Austin's eyes to make sure he understood.
"Why are you telling me all this?" Austin asked. "You could have just told me to shut up and get back on the bars."
Sasha nodded, "I could have, but I wanted you to understand fully what you're up against here, Austin. This thing with Payson, it isn't casual and honestly, it isn't normal, not compared to anything I've ever felt before. Throwing your hat in the ring now would be a mistake. She made her choice."
Austin looked away, "So what did you do, after MJ, what did you call it, decimated you?"
"I created this element and won four Olympic gold medals in Sydney," he said.
"Just a question, if she's already made her choice, what are we both doing in here?" Austin asked, a cocky smirk written across his face.
"Shut up and get back on the bars."