Hello all! It has been a very looooong time since I've updated... or posted... or anything. So quick note before we get started-

For those who did not know, I became a first time mom to a wild beast baby boy last year (he is 2 years old now.) I also became a single mother in that process. However, I am also a returning college student (yay, second Bachelor's...) and while I am no longer working two jobs, I've been so busy with life I really haven't had time to just exist and work on fanfaction.

So yeah, there is a lot in my life which required me to put Fanfiction on the back burner. However, one thing that had not changed (from pregnancy on), I have been rewatching the original YuGiOh! as well as some of the YuGiOh! GX and 5Ds series. I had my favorites (still do), and Season 4 of the original YuGiOh was one of them.

I think I enjoyed seeing the Pharoah (Yami, Atem) having a bit of an existiantal crisis. But I had some issues with pacing in that season and I just wanted more closure between Yugi and Atem. Hence this little piece- I kind of consider it my welcome back to Fanfiction piece.

With all that out of the way, I hope you guys enjoy! Thank you for being patient and understanding and I hope you enjoy my little story! :)

Moving On

The Pharaoh woke up with a gasp, his face and body drenched in sweat. It was another bad dream, he told himself, but this time, the dream hit home a little closer than ever. Dartz was saved. Every duel monster returned home, Chris and Ironheart would be allowed to watch over their king in peace.

It was definitely the hardest time in his life. Not having Yugi to guide him, to help him fight his biggest fear- himself.

He struggled to rein his breathing, but this time it was much harder. That nightmare really shook him and he would continue to do what he always did once he calmed down- push it deep down, forget about it, move on, and don't let his other half know-

"P... Pharaoh...? You 'wake?" mumbled a sleepy little voice. In the physical world, little Yugi sat up and rubbed his eyes, realizing something was wrong with his other half.

Well, realized wasn't the right word. He'd known about the nightmares for some time now. In fact, he knew when it started- right after the whole stopping Dartz fiasco. Even as they were on their way home, Yugi knew something was on Yami's mind.

Even after peace was restored to the world, and they'd agree to go to Kaiba's newest tournament, Yugi knew Yami hadn't been feeling himself at all. But every time he'd try to ask about it, Yami just... shut down. Completely shut down. Despite what they talked about after returning back from Atlantis, Yami hadn't been completely open.

"I-I'm... I'm fine, Yugi. I'm sorry." Yami tried to sound more like himself, but even he couldn't believe how shaky his voice came out. He coughed to clear his throat and took a deep breath, let it out slowly, tried again. "I'm fine, Yugi, really. Go back to sleep."

Yugi, who by now was a bit more awake, knew better and decided tonight they were going to get this whole thing straightened out, just them. He had some things he needed off his chest, if he were being honest, and he really needed to know why the Pharaoh was being so closed off about everything that happened.

With that in mind, Yugi sat up and crossed his arms, staring his brother down in annoyance. Then his face softened. He also should've known better by now that it's not easy to express oneself when they're used to keeping everything inside.

Yami was a hardened duelist, and probably one of the greatest rulers of time, but he was not good at expressing his feelings. Granted, it was a work in progress, but Yugi sometimes wished he'd open himself up a little more without him having to force it.

Especially in cases like these.

"Pharaoh, I thought you said you were okay. You're clearly not and you haven't been for awhile now." Yugi started, firm but with no accusation behind his concern, and not budging an inch. Yami looked at him in shock- how did he know-?

"Really, Pharoah? Did you forget we're intertwined now?" He finished that sentence with a chuckle at the still shocked expression on his best friend's face before he continued. Yami was secretly grateful as the sudden revalation still had him a bit stunned into silence.

"Pharoah, yes I knew about them. And it wasn't exactly a secret to me." Yugi and uncrossed his arms and tapped his chest, reminding Yami that he could hear his thoughts in his mind and heart. "Yes, Pharaoh, I've known about them since we got home, in fact."

Yami still didn't know what to say. He could only sit there, mouth agape. But his eyes were searching. Searching for any sign of anger, hatred, hell, he'd even take Kaiba- level sarcasm if it meant he could finally own up to everything he'd put little Yugi through. Even then, he still couldn't be sure he could say anything without breaking down.

But no. There was nothing there. There was no anger. No hatred. Nothing but worry and concern lingered in his expression, filled his eyes.

Yami hated himself even more- he could've just told him, got all this emotion off his chest and make things right! Of course he'd noticed... they were two sides of the same coin, after all.

Upon getting no reply, Yugi sighed heavily. This was going to be a long night. "Please, talk to me, Pharaoh." Yami looked at him, confused and scared. Yugi had inched closer, close enough to touch his hand. Without warning, Yami pulled it away, startling Yugi.

"Don't come any closer to me!" he cried out, as if he were fighting some random enemy.

The room fell silent. Outside there was a soft breeze as rain clouds rolled in. It cooled the room down just slightly, but Yami felt colder than before. He realized what he had done and he didn't think he could sink any lower.

"I... I'm sorry, I don't... I don't know why I-" Yugi shook his head, not letting his hand go. Yami felt like a jerk. He didn't know how else to put it.

"I knew it. You've been having nightmares about... him?" Yugi knew better than to say Dartz' name- the last time he did, it took over an hour to get his anger level down. Even then, Yami never told him what had gotten him so angry and riled. Yugi had to kind of figure it out for himself, and that was how he put two and two together.

When Yami refused to respond, Yugi sighed. This was it- whether he liked it or not, he needed to explain what was going on in these nightmares that got him so scared to sleep. "Pharaoh, please. I'm worried about you. I can tell these nightmares are really messing with your head."

Yami said nothing nor would he look Yugi in the eye. He unconsciously squeezed Yugi's hand, as if he needed a reminder this whole thing was over at last. Which, maybe he did.

"Pharaoh, you don't have to feel guilt about this anymore. I made my choice and I don't regret it." Yugi still felt a bit hurt about that duel, however, and Yami wasn't a fool. He could sense it by his tone.

"Yugi, I hurt you and you and I both know that." He whispered. Yugi didn't reply, just stared down at their interlaced hands. "You can't forgive me that easily, so don't say that you can."

Yugi sighed. If he wanted the Pharaoh open up, he'd have to do the same. But it didn't mean that it wouldn't be any easier. "I-I..."

There was a pause as Yugi tried to find the right words. Then: "... yes. You're right, Pharaoh. It did hurt... a lot more than I thought. I won't lie about that."

"Then why did you sacrifice your soul for me?!" Yami suddenly snapped, angry tears rolling down his cheeks. Yugi was in awe of what he was seeing, mainly because he couldn't remember ever seeing his closest friend so broken.

"Pharaoh-"

"You never should have done that! I should have paid that price, not you!" Yami screamed, finally voicing some of the anger and guilt he'd been holding inside. "You weren't the one who gave in to his darkness!"

'So that's what it was... he's still feeling guilt over my choice. I don't know what happened after all that but it... hit him harder than I ever thought possible...' Yugi finally understood what was going on. He reached out to the still upset Yami, placing his hand on his cheek and getting him to turn his head.

"I get it now. Your guilt is causing these nightmares, Pharaoh. It's eating at your heart. But I need you to understand something." Yugi explained softly, wiping away his brother's tears.

"While it did hurt me, I don't for a second regret what I did. And I would do it all over again, too. The world needs you, and... and you mean too much to me to lose like that."

Yami shuddered at the thought. Do this over again? Go through that duel with Raphael? Use that... that evil card? Lose Yugi, losing his light? Battling his darkness all alone?

No. No, no... Gods, no! Yami shook his head, shook the very thought from his mind. He couldn't do it again- he knew he'd never make it again... this whole experience was needed but one he never wanted to go through ever again.

"Don't say that, Yugi. Please..." he pleaded. He savored the warmth of his hand before everything finally crashed down on his shoulders. Yugi wrapped his tiny arms around him and Yami curled in his embrace, clinging tight to his pajama top.

"Just don't leave me alone! Please... I need you, Yugi. I need you to keep my darkness balanced. I can't go through that again!"

Yugi rubbed Yami's back, realizing that his chest was damp with tears but he chose to keep quiet about it. What mattered was Yami getting everything off his chest, and he needed to feel like he was in a safe space to do so. Besides, leaving him again wasn't part of his plan, either.

"I don't plan on it. I don't think I could handle it again, either." Yugi admitted. The cool breeze kicked up, gently swaying his bedroom curtains, but Yugi was grateful for it. He caught himself looking at the moon as it got late. It was oddly bright, illuminating the dark night sky. "This whole ordeal was enough for me."

"I don't know what all was said to the Pharaoh, or what he really had to go through. I remember bits and pieces... almost like a puzzle. I know Tea and Rebecca had a hard time forgiving him. And oddly enough... Yami made a comrade in Rafael after all this. And my part... I was supposed to force him to see his wrongdoings...I wonder if I was really helping him."

"You know something, Yugi." Snapped from his thoughts, Yugi hadn't realized the Pharaoh had collected himself. He was still more or less curled in Yugi's arms, staring out the window as the wind outside fluttered their room curtains.

"Yeah, Pharaoh?"

Yami looked up at his closest friend. His brother, if he were honest. A light smile danced on his lips. "You're my light. Out of all our friends, our family... you will always be that light in my darkness. That's why I can stay strong. That was how I defeated Dartz."

"Pharaoh-" Yami shook his head and closed his eyes, finally ready to allow his guilt to stop haunting him.

"I couldn't do that alone. By myself... I know I am weak. No... not just weak. I was scared, Yugi. Scared out of my mind. And I didn't know if I could really handle facing my own inner darkness to find the strength I needed to stop him."

"But you knew you weren't alone. You know you'll always have me." Yugi said softly. "That's always been true and never changed."

"I know, but... Yugi, you don't understand. I did absolutely nothing but watch you give up your pure soul to save someone who didn't deserve it at all. You should have never done that and..." Yami opened his eyes, took a dee breath and let it out slowly.

"I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for it. I... I can't." He finished in a shaky whisper.

Yugi leaned back against his bed frame, letting everything Yami just told him sink in. "Regardless of what you believe... you're far too important to me, Yugi."

They both sat together, content with the nighttime breeze and the moonlight which cut through the starry night. Yugi stole a look at his brother- he was calm, a small smile on his lips, but his eyes still held that guilt and hurt he'd been carrying all this time.

"Pharoah... you know I do forgive you for all this, right?" Yugi wondered if Yami honestly believed those words.

Yami silently nodded. "I wish you wouldn't... you're far too kind for your own good, Yugi." He muttered, more to himself than anything. Yugi heard but chose not to comment any further. 'The Pharoah has to learn to forgive himself someday. I know he will... he's a strong person.'

"And, um, Pharaoh, about your nightmare... do you, you know... want to talk about it?" Yami shook his head no and drew his legs close,

"Not...right now. Not tonight, Yugi. And I know, I will talk about it. But I just..." Yami closed his eyes; this whole night wore him down and he just wanted to sleep and forget about it. There was a tournament coming up, and frankly, he simply didn't want to think about this nightmare anymore. He wanted to move on already. "I just want to forget about it...about all of it."

"I know. I do, too. And we will, in time. But...your nightmares will keep haunting you as long as you keep them locked away, Pharaoh." Yugi stroked Yami's back, coaxing him to sleep. He found it amusing- and a bit adorable- how much Yami was like a child haunted by nightmares. He adjusted himself and settled in, allowing Yami to stay within his arms.

Yami nodded, sinking further in Yugi's embrace. "I know." he whispered. "I can't move on otherwise."

"And you know eventually you'll have to tell me about them, right?" A nod.

"Yes. I know." By now, Yami was starting to drift off, his voice soft as sleep claimed him. "I'm sorry, Yugi. For... for everything..."

Yugi closed his own eyes, ready to return to sleep himself. "It's over, Pharaoh... we're going to be alright. And I'll be here when you're ready." Yugi interlaced his hands with Yami's, a link to keep Yami tethered... to remind him of what he would always have. "I'll always be here. Please don't forget that. You're not in this alone."

As Yugi and Yami each returned to their Land of Dreams, the breeze outside continued to blow gently, the moon above keeping the darkness at bay.

And done! I am so rusty but I did enjoy this season, so I hope this did some justice.

Please let me know what you think, and until next time!