Austin sat back on his couch, watching Emily pace back and forth. He'd escaped to the kitchen under the ruse of grabbing her a bottle of water and had called Payson immediately to give her the heads up. He felt like he was embroiled in some huge conspiracy that now hung by a thread. It all came down to Emily Kmetko and her reaction, which so far hadn't been all that reassuring.
"How long has it been going on again?" she asked, stopping in her mad dashes across his living room to look at him.
"I'm not sure exactly, but it's been a year or close to it," Austin said, "I'm pretty sure it happened just before Worlds last year, or just after. I haven't exactly had Payson over for a slumber party to dish on the details, Em."
She shook her head, "And when did you find out?"
"Officially? In London, just after you unknowingly walked in on them."
Emily shook her head, "And then she lied straight to my face about it. What was she thinking? Doesn't she realize how bad it could have been if things between them hadn't worked out? Sasha could have left. We would have been without the best coach in the world because Payson had a crush. And him? It's practically child abuse."
Austin let her rant and then looked up at her. "Are you done yet?" he asked.
Emily shook her head and sighed, "Yeah," she said, plopping down on the couch next to him.
He looked at her sideways, "Really? Child abuse?"
She rolled her eyes, "Fine, not child abuse, but really, Austin, this is insane."
"Not from a certain point of view."
Emily frowned at him, "Okay, Obi-wan, how is our coach who's almost thirty, sleeping with my teammate, who's just eighteen not insane."
Austin didn't bother to correct her on the sleeping together thing. Payson like to hedge and mince words, but he knew what they were doing was close enough. He just shrugged, "Take the age out of it for a minute and think about the people. I haven't been able to talk about it with anyone before, but can you imagine any two people more perfect for each other than them?"
She shrugged, "I don't know, I've never thought about it before." She sat back with a sigh. "This is just freaking surreal. They lied, Austin, to everyone."
He nodded, rubbing his chin contemplatively, "They did, but did they really have a choice?"
"Yes, they had a choice, they could have chosen not to put themselves in the position to lie. Sasha shouldn't have allowed it and Payson should have controlled herself and vice-versa. What could possibly make this okay?"
Austin hesitated, unsure if he should reveal what he knew, but he saw Emily was about to go off he deep end. "They love each other. You can't help who you love, Kmetko. You and I know that better than most people."
They both sat there for a moment, Austin hoping he did the right thing, as the words sunk in for Emily. They were both startled out of their thoughts as his doorbell rang twice in quick succession. "That's probably..." he said.
"Payson," she finished for him. "You called her?"
He shrugged, "You're my friend and so is she. You deserve an explanation and she deserves a chance to explain." He left Emily in the living room and opened his front door, surprised to see both Payson and Sasha standing there. Austin sighed, "You might want to talk to her first," he said to Payson, nodding towards his living room, "alone. She's pretty upset."
Payson nodded, dropped Sasha's hand and moved towards the living room. "Come on, we'll go wait it out in the kitchen," he said, as they entered his spacious kitchen, not that he ever used it for anything except to eat take-out. "You couldn't have waited until you were inside with the door closed?"
Sasha glared at him, "Shut up, Tucker."
"Want a drink?" Austin said, opening his refrigerator.
"I want twelve drinks. Got any Guinness?"
Payson walked into the living room to see Emily sitting on Austin's couch, arms crossed over her chest. She was staring into space and her body language was stiff, agitated even.
"Hi," she said, biting her lower lip, sitting down in a chair across from the couch.
Emily rolled her eyes, "Here to do damage control?" she spat at her. She's angry, well can't say I blame her. I'd be angry too.
Payson nodded, "If you want to call it that, but mostly I want to explain and apologize. I lied to you, to everyone, a lot. There's no excuse for that, but there are reasons."
Emily tilted her head, "Reasons? Payson, you're a lot of things, but you're not stupid and this is one of the stupidest things you could ever do. Our coach? The man we trust to help get us to the Olympics. I can't believe you would risk all of that, for what exactly?"
Payson bit her lip, "I love him. I know. I know how stupid and crazy and irresponsible it was, and it's not something we could control, it was just there, all the time. What was I supposed to do? Ignore it? It was impossible to ignore. We tried for months. It was unbearable."
Emily snorted, "So what you have this whole soul mates thing or whatever? That's bullshit, Pay. You two made a conscious decision to be together. Things like this just don't happen, people choose. And soul-mates, they don't exist."
"It's not that. This is me, Em. You're not talking to Kaylie here. I don't believe in crap like that, but what I do know is that without him my life feels empty. I feel empty, like a part of me is missing." Payson ran a hand through her hair. "I'm not explaining this properly. I don't if there are words to describe it, except that I love him."
Emily looked at her, studying her carefully. "And he loves you back?" Her voice was skeptical at best.
Payson nodded, but as she opened her mouth to speak, she heard a voice answer for her, "I do."
Emily's eyes shifted upwards and Payson turned to see Sasha and Austin standing behind her. Payson had no idea what to say. This was as awkward a moment as she could ever imagine. She closed her eyes, hating this, hating that Sasha had to defend himself to one of his gymnasts because of her.
Sasha sat down in the chair next to hers, "I'm not about to ask for your approval or your understanding, Emily, but I do want you to know something. What you saw tonight, what you learned, it has nothing to do with you and will not effect your goals in any way. I once asked you to trust me and I know that you feel like I violated that trust and for that I'm sorry."
Payson looked at Emily who's expression was unreadable. "You're right. It has nothing to do with me and I don't understand it, but I don't think," she sighed looking at Payson, "I don't think it's my job to approve or disapprove. You're one of my best friends, Payson. You're not just my teammate. I know why you lied. I hate it, but I know why you did it. You do realize though that if you guys get caught, we're all screwed, every single one of us."
Sasha nodded and Payson sighed. "We'll be more careful. Sometimes it's just nice to try and forget that we're not just a normal couple," Payson said, reaching over and taking Sasha's hand in hers.
"Okay, that might be a little much for me," Emily said, averting her eyes from what had to be a very odd sight for her.
Austin sat down next to her on the couch. He'd been oddly silent. "You get used to it. They're not sickeningly sweet when they're together though, unlike some people who shall remain nameless," he said, nudging Emily.
"Austin," Emily said, looking at Sasha anxiously.
Austin sighed dramatically, "Relax, Emily. You're not going to get in trouble for having a long distance relationship with a rock star from your coach who's having an elicit relationship with one of your teammates. Wow, this sounds like a bad soap opera."
Emily snorted, "Complete with a love triangle. Tell me, Austin, are you and Kaylie on speaking terms again?"
"Shut up, Kmetko," he said.
Payson looked around her and shook her head, "Okay, since this is possibly the most surreal and uncomfortable moment of my entire life, how about we call it a night?" she suggested, eager for this little pow-wow to end.
"Just one question, Emily, what were you doing by Payson's house anyway?" Sasha asked.
"I was going to stop by and talk to her about UCLA and their offer. I thought she of all people would have the most perspective," Emily said, still not meeting Sasha's eyes.
Payson sighed. It could be an uncomfortable few days in the gym. "Well, why don't you come over now. I made dinner and we could talk it through."
Emily hesitated, her mouth opening and closing, "No, I mean, obviously you had other plans," she said, finally looking towards Sasha.
Sasha shook his head, "It's fine. I'll see you all tomorrow, six sharp," he said, his coaching voice slipping through.
"You take your car here?" Austin asked him.
"Yeah, thought it would be best since we didn't know what to expect," Sasha said.
"Why don't you hang out? I've got Halo," Austin said, trying to be helpful.
"Sure," Sasha said.
They stopped at the door and unconsciously Payson stood on her tiptoes, leaning against his shoulder and chest for balance, his hands caressed her waist lightly as she kissed him briefly on the lips, "See you tomorrow," she said.
Emily snorted behind them and Payson rolled her eyes, "Yeah, that's going to take some major getting used to."
They arrived back at Payson's townhouse only five minutes later. Payson went immediately to the kitchen and frowned at the pasta she'd started and stopped too many times to be usable. She dumped it in the garbage and then put a cover over the sauce. She'd use that tomorrow.
Emily watched as Payson bustled around the kitchen, wiping up a mess on the counter, storing what was left of the ruined dinner. She looked at the kitchen table, set for two, a half finished salad, where someone had been chopping veggies, she guessed Sasha. "You were making dinner together?" she asked and Payson turned to her.
"Yeah. I like to cook and he likes to hover and taste test," Payson said with a smile. "He's less annoying if you give him a job." She nodded towards the cutting board with the peppers on it. "You want some salad? It's pretty much the only salvageable thing." Emily shook her head as Payson put plastic wrap over the bowl and put it in the fridge.
Emily sighed, "I'm sorry I interrupted you guys. Looks like you had an uh - evening planned."
Payson shrugged. "It's fine. Do you want some tea or something?"
Emily shook her head, "Look, I don't want this to be weird. You're my friend, Pay, but it's still, strange for me."
"I know. I know it's freaking you out, I can see it on your face. There isn't anything I can do to make it easier for you is there?"
Emily shrugged, "I don't know. I think maybe I have a few questions."
Payson nodded, seemingly open game, "Sure, ask away."
"Is he the same? I mean when you're not at the Rock, is he the same?" Emily knew it wasn't the clearest question in the world, but she got the sense Payson knew what she meant.
She smiled and shook her head, "He's still intense, but in a completely different way." Emily saw her face take on this dreamy quality, before she snapped out of it a little, "He's funny, you wouldn't think it, I know, but he's got this amazing sarcastic wit and he's not just a brilliant coach, he's really brilliant. We talk about things, real things."
Emily frowned, "LIke what? Gymnastics?"
Payson shook her head, "We rarely talk about gymnastics outside the Rock. We talk about books and he indulges my inner science geek and we cook together," she said gesturing around the kitchen, "and we do the Sunday crossword together and we talk politics. He's addicted me to MSNBC."
Emily wasn't sure if she believed what she was hearing, it all sounded so normal. Not much sordid about it after all, so she couldn't help the next question, "And do you do other things?" she asked, her meaning crystal clear.
Payson's eyes flew to her, a soft pink hue coloring her cheeks. "Some other things," she admitted.
Emily suddenly couldn't help herself, she was painfully curious. Damon was in LA and it had been so long since she'd had anyone to talk about this stuff with that wasn't Lauren or Kaylie and their drama was too much for her. Payson and Sasha's secret relationship, though highly inappropriate seemed so simple in comparison. "And..." she trailed off.
Payson glared at her, "And what?"
"C'mon," Emily said, "I'm being pretty cool about this, I think. I'm trying and for a minute I'm going to pretend that Sasha's not our coach, but this gorgeous, English man you're dating and I want a few details, isn't that what friends do?" she asked with a smile.
Payson sighed, "Fine, what do you want to know?"
"Everything. Was it weird kissing him at first?"
Payson shook her head, but then shrugged, "The first time it was so unplanned and spontaneous and we were both so freaked, that was weird, but after that it was really natural, we just sort of let things play out."
Emily leaned foward in the chair, "Natural, so it was never awkward?"
Payson laughed, "Sasha has never been awkward in his life. I swear, Em, that intensity he brings to the Rock, it just multiplies when we're together. He's got this incredible ability to focus and when you're the sole object of that focus..." she trailed off with a silly grin.
For a moment, Emily could see it. Suddenly, Sasha wasn't just her gymnastics coach, he was just that attractive man, a very attractive man with an aura about him that exuded an intriguing intensity and sex appeal. She swallowed roughly at the picture Payson was painting, grey-blue eyes, the ever present five o'clock shadow, rugged good looks, the muscled frame that he couldn't conceal beneath his jeans and tee shirts.
She snapped out of her haze to see Payson smirking at her, knowingly. She smiled back, "I guess I never really thought about him that way before, but I can see it." She thought back to what Austin said to her earlier, "You know I think Austin was right."
"Oh, don't tell him he was right, his ego doesn't need any more feeding."
Emily laughed, "He said that when you take away the age thing and obviously the coaching thing, that he'd never seen two people more perfect for each other. Seriously, Pay, I don't disagree."
Payson sighed. "I know, but there isn't any changing those two things. Eventually it's going to come out and it'll be a disaster. A private family freak out at best or a witch hunt at worst."
"Well, no one will hear it from me," Emily said, reaching out to cover her friend's hand with hers. She gave it a squeeze.
Payson smiled, "Thanks, Em. Now this isn't what you came here for. You wanted to talk about UCLA right?"
Emily nodded. She'd gone back and forth in her mind over and over again, One minute she knew she couldn't refuse an offer like the one they made and the next, she knew she just couldn't give up on her Olympic dream. "I just keep going over it and each time I do I change my mind," she said, with a sigh. "The problem is there isn't any right decision. It's just two choices each with it's own positives and negatives."
Payson bit her lip. "You talked to your mom?"
"Yeah, she said it's up to me. No help whatsoever."
"And Damon?" Payson asked.
"Same thing, although he told me that if it were him he'd tell UCLA that if they really wanted me they'd wait til after the Olympics, like him." Payson laughed. "That's not what they were talking about though, they were saying that they wanted me now or no dice."
Payson sighed. "This is simple, Em. For once in your life, you've got to decide what you want. Don't worry about anyone else, don't worry about how people will react, either way, you have to do what you want to do."
"That's just it, I don't know what I want," Emily said, looking at her friend incredulously. "I just told you that."
"But you do," Payson said. "Watch," she said, fishing out a quarter from her pocket. "Heads, UCLA, a college scholarship, four years at a great university, maybe a National Championship or two, tails, the Rock, the Olympics and everything you've dreamed about since you were a little girl."
Emily shook her head, "Are you nuts? I can't leave a decision like this up to chance."
"Sure you can. Let fate decide what you should do, if you can't." Payson flipped the coin. It landed on the table, clinking against the tiled top. It vibrated for a moment, neither of them able to make out what side it had landed on. "Heads," she said. "UCLA."
Emily stared at it with a frown. "Flip it again."
"Olympics it is then," Payson said, turning the coin over for her.
Emily shook her head and slowly smiled. She nodded, "Olympics it is."
"And UCLA?"
"I'll call the coach tomorrow. If they really want me, they'll wait. If not, then they'll have missed out on an Olympic level gymnast. and when I kick their ass wearing Stanford red in two years, they'll regret it." Huh, where did that come from? When have you ever thought about college, let alone a school like Standford. Well, why not? They have a great gymnastics program.
Payson smiled, "Stanford, huh?"
Emily grinned, "Why not? It's a better school anyway." They laughed together. "What about you? You going to go to college?"
Payson nodded, "Obviously, not for gymnastics, but I definitely want to go to school. Haven't figured out where yet. I always thought maybe I'd go to UC Boulder, but I don't know anymore."
"You mean after the Olympics you'll be leaving Boulder?" Emily guessed. It made sense. She figured the only thing really keeping Payson and Sasha in the closet was their relationship as a coach and athlete. After the Olympics that relationship would cease and it would probably be impossible for them to remain in Boulder as a couple.
Payson smiled, "You're really sharp tonight, Em. We're not sure where we want to go yet. He's got a place in New York and one just outside of London. I think we're leaning towards London right now. His old coach Nicolai, he coaches out of gym there now and is thinking about retiring. I know Sasha would love to coach at the gym he earned his gold medals out of."
Emily tilted her head. It sounded like it was all about what Sasha wanted, "And you?"
"London has some of the best universities in the world. None of it is set in stone though. It's all hypothetical at this point. We might stay in the States. His place in New York is gorgeous."
Emily smirked, "Is that where you went that night? When you walked back to the hotel?"
Payson had the grace to blush, "We took a cab to his place downtown. His mother was old money, it's probably one of the most beautiful buildings in the city, across from Gramercy Park. I haven't seen the house in Wimbledon yet, but I'm sure it's lovely."
Emily asked the hard question then, "And your parents? Becca?"
Payson shrugged, "I doubt very much they'll still be speaking to me."
"And you're willing to give that up? For a guy?" She shook her head, "They're your family, Pay."
"They're my family and I love them, but they aren't going to understand this and I get that. They're going to blame Sasha. My father is going to be furious at him. My mother will be disappointed and feel betrayed by the both of us and rightly so. I wasn't kidding before when I said I loved him, but it's more than that, Em. Months ago when we were trying to stay away from each other, trying to ignore our feelings, there was this constant ache inside of me, a dull pain in my chest. I'm not being melodramatic," Payson said and Emily didn't doubt it. If there was one thing Payson Keeler wasn't, it was dramatic. "I need him, simple as that. My parents will either accept that eventually or they won't. It hurts, but not as much as it would hurt to be without him."
"You say it so casually," Emily observed. She wasn't sure if she would be able to deal with something like that so rationally, but then she and Payson were very different people.
"I've had almost a year to think about it. I knew the moment Sasha and I decided to move forward, despite the timing, I knew this is what I would be facing. I want to be able to tell them myself, after the Olympics. It's going to be hard, but I'm ready for that, at least I think I am." Payson's face was expressionless, obviously trying to steel herself against her emotions. "I have to say, I'm really glad you know. I haven't been able to talk about this with anyone, except Austin and he's not exactly great with the girl talk."
Emily shook her head, "We're friends, Pay. You're here for me and I'm here for you, always."
Payson smiled, the stone faced expression gone, "Thanks, Em."
"No problem. Now back to those other things you do, you are going to dish some details, Miss Keeler, if I have to drag them out of you!"
Payson rolled her eyes, but then a smile lit up her face as the words began to spill out of her mouth, her happiness evident with every syllable.