5 Skills The ADA Didn't Know Dazai Had ...
Summary: And the 1 skill even the Port Mafia was surprised by.
3. Functioning In Heels And Long Dresses
In a strange stroke of fate, the Agency and the Mafia had to team up for an undercover infiltration mission not a whole week later, only this time, there was no need for such elaborate make-up even if they still needed to dress up. This time, they had a much more direct target, as the Mafia had discovered a trio of bombers intended to blow up the city hall during a charity fundraiser art exhibition.
After some digging and deductions done by Dazai and Ranpo, they came to the conclusion that their best opening would be to seduce one of the members and lead him away from the main event, so they can interrogate him about his buddies' and the bombs' whereabouts.
Normally, one of the girls, most likely Kouyou given the interrogation part, would be assigned that part of the mission.
This time, though, the lucky 'girl' who got the assignment was none other than Dazai, since, apparently, the guy liked them tall tall. Dazai didn't even protest, just sighed and accepted his fate.
Of course, the Agency learned why when Dazai finally reappeared in a gorgeous dress nearly the exact shade of glacial blue as No Longer Human, on eight inch heels and rocking a wig as brown and as curly as his own hair, Chuuya in tow with a practically professional make-up kit in hand. Dazai's arms were covered in sparkly sleeves to replace his bandages, he had Chuuya's black leather choker covering his Adam's apple and the scars usually hidden by his bandages to match his black heels and the black fur shawl hiding the broadness of his shoulders under all that soft chinchilla fur. Needless to say, he looked nothing like the Dazai they knew. In fact, one might even confuse him for a model or a movie star.
"Okay, I want that dress," Yosano said, eyeing him up as he and Chuuya set up to do Dazai's make-up.
"Fuck no, sorry not sorry," Chuuya retorted immediately. "Do you have any idea how much money I paid for this thing?! I'd rather eat my own hat than let anyone take it."
"Wait, you bought that dress!?" Kunikida asked and Dazai, Chuuya and Kouyou all looked affronted, scandalized and incredulous.
"He had it made," the oldest Executive corrected in a way that suggested she was speaking to a particularly dimwitted pet. "Do you honestly expect a store-bought dress to fit so perfectly?"
"Honestly, Kunikida-kun. You're embarrassing me~"
"You're the one who exchanged Chuuya-san for that," Gin muttered and Kouyou nodded approvingly at the comment. Kunikida would just like it to be noted that he was extremely offended by that, but then Akutagawa appeared to drag him out of the changing rooms so the girls - and Dazai - could continue getting ready in peace.
Later, when they all stepped out, they had the boys' jaws dropping from how beautiful they looked. Chuuya stood to the side, proud of his handiwork with the make-up and even hairdos. Dazai certainly got the biggest reaction, which made sense given his transformation. The wolf whistle from Tachihara was not appreciated by Chuuya nor Gin. Dazai just laughed it off and did a little twirl to show off Soukoku's hard work. The others did, too, the girls all practically glowing. Dazai, Chuuya and Kouyou preened at the compliments, since Kouyou had helped and even did everyone's hair. The guys other than Dazai - and, of course, the ever fashionable Chuuya - had also cleaned up nicely, being the active backup mostly.
"Okay, everyone pair up and let's head out," Kouyou instructed and the pairs were mostly male-female, with the exception of Soukoku, of course. Kouyou teetered amusedly at how stiff Kunikida was while escorting her to the awaiting cars.
They all arrived to the event easily and peacefully, they had no trouble getting in and they easily blended into the crowd. After some mingling, they finally tracked down the member Dazai was meant to seduce and Soukoku parted ways with Chuuya keeping a sharp eye on his partner. Not because he doubted Dazai's capabilities, because he knew perhaps better than anyone else just what Dazai was capable of, but also because he's the brunet's main backup should anything happen that was possibly out of Dazai's control.
And something did.
Ranpo had managed to identify another one of the bombers and Kouyou had managed to make him squeal. Within minutes, Chuuya had to leave his station to an unsuspecting Ranpo because, apparently, a whole bunch of high grade bombs was attached to random chairs, tables, cars outside and even a couple of benches and they needed Chuuya to yeet them up into the atmosphere with his Ability. Or at least just high enough that the explosion won't cause harm.
Needless to say, Ranpo was not comfortable with having to watch Dazai's back when his fellow genius was expecting the embodiment of a natural disaster to come at his beck and call.
The ginger just rolled his eyes at him. "Just watch for a signal and if you think he's in trouble, use the comms. I'll be there to save his princess cosplaying ass." And with that, Chuuya was off, leaving a squeaking detective behind.
"But I don't use the comm unit!" It went unheeded and as if the universe hated Ranpo, that's when he noticed Dazai leading the original target away while waving some sort of signal to Ranpo. The genius fiddled with his glasses to use his 'Ability' and gasped when he realized Dazai was asking for backup because he'd noticed the final bomber following after them.
And he seemed to be armed, wearing a bomb vest under his cheap jacket and was an Ability user.
Ranpo quickly fired off a text to Yosano, hoping she'll get the message to anyone - while we're on that, why were't Atsushi and Akutagawa on this guy's ass, as they were supposed to be? - with an Ability, preferably Mr Fancy Hat or Kunikida, before following. If nothing else, he can keep an eye on his fellow genius.
"Are you being serious right now?" One of the bombers asked. "You can't help but think with your fucking dick in the middle of an operation?"
"Hey, I'll be happy to share," whined the other and Ranpo clenched his jaw at the implication. "Come on, you know you want to~ Look at how hot she is! I bet she's a real slut, too-"
The detective walked out from behind his hiding spot - just a corner of the hallway, really - doing his best to act drunk as he teetered on his feed. "Heeey *hic* Do ya blokes know where t-the *hic* the loon is? I reeeeaaally need to goooooo *hic*"
"Great! Now we have two witnesses!" The more sensible, serious bomber exclaimed but the horny one wasn't worried. Practically throwing Dazai into his friend's arms, he started walking towards Ranpo as he took out a silencer.
"Don't worry. I'll deal with him real quick, then we can have some fun and then we can blow this joint sky high," he reassured but made a frustrated noise when he couldn't find his gun. "The hell?"
The click of a safety coming off caused him to whirl around, only to see Dazai standing there with a gun steadily pointed right at his head, his buddy unconscious at Dazai's heels. "I'm afraid I can't let you hurt Ranpo-san. Who else will I go on genius tangents with?" It was said still in the upper pitch Dazai had chosen for this female persona he was disguised as. It was a very good imitation of an actual voice, very convincing, as expected of Dazai. The man's acting prowess is one no one could deny.
"You bitch! You really think you can defeat me?" The bomber challenged cockily, activating his Ability that made the silencer float. "Go on and try it!"
Dazai's eyes narrowed and he did, firing three shots as he lunged forward, running effortlessly on those thin heels, rushing the man. The man didn't bother dodging the bullets, instead seemingly catching them midair with his Ability. Ranpo quickly deduced that his Ability created a highly concentrated magnetic field around his body but the range didn't seem great, nor did the Ability seem as versatile as Mr Fancy Hat's. Still, he could throw the bullets and the silencer at Dazai fast enough that they'd be deadly. Only Dazai seems to have predicted this and practically performed a perfect slut drop, all without ripping his dress, using his earlier momentum to slide across the ground until he was behind the magnet guy and in front of Ranpo. The guy just barely managed to turn around as Dazai threw the gun - with the safety on, as Dazai wasn't stupid to risk it accidentally going off and accidentally killing or injuring someone - at Ranpo and switched to a knife he seems to have pulled out from underneath the skirt of his gown.
The bomber laughed. "You think my Ability won't affect a close range weapon? Think again!" And maybe his arrogance would have been approved, if only his opponent wasn't the only true nullifier in the world. No Longer Human lit up on Dazai's body the second he entered the range of the Ability and the magnetic field immediately turned off. In a second, Dazai had kneed the guy in the groin and had him on the ground, hands behind his back and a knife held to his throat.
"Ranpo-san, do you happen to have handcuffs on you?" Dazai asked in his normal voice.
"Nope, sorry," he replied, trying not to wonder why he was surprised Dazai knew how to fight in heels this well. Or even knew how to fight. Sure, they knew he was good with a gun now, and knives ... And apparently at least decent with a katana. But no one ever said he could fight, least of all in heels.
Dazai sighed, knocked the bomber out and then tied him up with the shawl just as Chuuya brazenly burst through a window, ready to come to Dazai's rescue. Not a second later, a big explosion could be heard from high above them, which meant the mission was more or less over. Chuuya just examined the situation he'd walked in on and tsked. "I guess you have it handled."
"As expected of a slug, you're late," Dazai teased but waved for Chuuya to come over and deal with the bombers. He sighed as he took off the wig and tousled up his own hair. "Man, that was boring. We didn't even need to dress up."
"Oh, you did," assured Chuuya and Ranpo quickly hightailed it out of there as he recognized the glint in Chuuya's eyes.
He made sure to complain to Kouyou about Chuuya abusing joint missions for his kinks, but given she was too busy eye-fucking with Yosano, he wasn't sure he got the message across.
Ranpo huffed. Next time, he'll bring Poe, too, so he could join his friends in getting some action.