Raleigh Becket is doing great right now, really, he is. Believe him, sitting here with a barely eaten tray of food, feeling better than he ever could be, hardly hearing whatever Chuck is telling his father Herc- he's probably just feeding his own ego so Raleigh most likely isn't missing anything important while he gets stuck in his head and continues to be completely alright.
He and Mako had successfully brought down two kaijus, Leatherback and Otachi and man it does feel pretty good- the winning part. He nearly felt complete for a moment, the battle over as the adrenaline still kept him alert and their breathing still needed to slow down a little. It almost was just him and Mako for a second, minds connected and pride and satisfaction making them grin with victory in their hands as they looked at each other. Just them, existing in the jaeger and nothing but smiles and wordlessly shared thoughts and feelings of momentary relief and success.
But of course, the mission wasn't over- isn't over and according to Gottleb's predictions, the next time kaijus come through the breach they'll be three. So there's not any time to waste, there never was, so they got Gipsy Danger back to the base and now Raleigh's sitting here, refueling on whatever he has barely touched in front of him and of course, feeling wonderful.
Wonderful as in full of wondering over the what-ifs, that is. Raleigh is currently so hung up on what he's making up in his mind he can't focus on what's happening outside of his head. He goes to grab his fork and completely misses it as something suddenly starts stirring deep in his chest as he questions the possibility of whatever's got him this time, hand coming up empty and nearly reaching his mouth before he gives up on eating all together and places his elbows on the table. Here, he lets himself fully indulge in the events in his brain.
See, he's not a really good lair and he feels like shit right now, like he'd rather be scolded by Pentecost, the damn Marshal, than exist how he is right now.
He wants to dissolve into nothing because he knows the exact thing that'll fix all of this is also just near unreachable, unattainable, and frankly, unreasonable to even want let alone need.
Yet here he is, thinking about having what he can't.
The worst part may be that he doesn't see himself getting any help soon and that unfortunately, it's just something that happens after drifting with someone. So yes, it'll get even worse after they return (Not if they return, but when) from destroying the breach once and for all.
Raleigh will need even more.
He'll need Mako. He'll need her just like he does right now because by gods he is not doing well without her.
Raleigh wonders if this whole ordeal he's facing is being made extra worse due to never drifting with someone in five years. Perhaps, just maybe, being connected to his brother when he died and not being able to just stick to him after drifting is making this all ten times more shitty than it ever was. It just might be possible that after losing Yancy and not being able to cope how he normally did has him strangled and desperately wishing to cope with Mako, how it should be.
It all could be possible but really the reasons don't matter, he just wishes Mako was at least sitting across from him right now because it is awful without her. He can't even properly think, Mako was doing that with him earlier and the sudden lack of her presence is ripping him from the inside out.
He wonders if Mako knows about velcroing, that's what he needs to indulge in, after all. Velcroing is a term used, referring to how two jaeger pilots cling to each other after drifting in a way to transition from being in each other's heads, minds bonded, to being separate again.
Unfortunately for him, Mako's off somewhere. Is she struggling? Raleigh doesn't know, but he expects her to be. But even if she is, what would he say?
Hey Mako, you know, after drifting I really need to be with you.
Wait no, not that. Maybe he would simply give the science behind it all first, explain what velcroing is and how it should be totally normal for why he has been non-stop thinking about being near her, touching her- seeing her, ever since they got back. Not in a really weird way of course, his fingertips just tingle with the curiosity of what Mako's hands would feel like when they're woven in with his, or slinging his arms over her shoulders when he's standing behind her. Simple things to make leaving her brain less sudden and cold, really.
So now, why is it so hard to just ask?
Raleigh bites his cheek, opening his eyes despite never recalling he closed them and because he is in such a good mood, Chuck glances at him with a snarky look and scoffs.
"Dreaming are you?" He asks tauntingly, "Probably wishing it was you who's carrying the bomb."
Raleigh sits up straighter, slowly shaking his head as Herc eyes the both of them. "Uh, no, not really," He says and right now he has no clue whether he does or not, but it doesn't matter. "I'm fine with running defense."
"Right, well, just don't be too bummed out when you aren't the one saving the world," Chuck says, a smile on his face that to any stranger would look welcoming and friendly, but if you are Raleigh it's more of a tease and a peek into how much pride Chuck has in himself. "Because me and whatever co-pilot they have waiting for me- we're gonna be doing the real stuff, right dad?" He then looks up at Herc who stuffs his mouth with a shrug which brings attention to the sling holding his arm, blinking over at Raleigh before swallowing.
"This mission's more of a team thing."
"Sure," Chuck says dismissively, messing with his food and grabbing some to give to Max, the dog eagerly accepting it. "But I'm gonna be in first place on this team."
Raleigh's brows raise ever so slightly, mind momentarily distracted with Chuck's personality as he presses his lips into a thin line, deciding not to say anything about how that's not the way teams work. It seems Herc doesn't feel like commenting on it either, flipping over a piece of food with his fork.
"Well, I've got to go," Chuck starts, seemingly having little to no care for the food he's leaving behind as he stands up. "You know how it is with the war clock ticking, I don't have time to waste your favor, Raleigh." After mispronouncing his name, Chuck's off with his dog who follows with a slobbery tongue hanging out.
Raleigh would say it's almost a shame that Chuck's just left because now his mind doesn't have some egotistical person to disturb his thought process that repeats and repeats chants about how bad everything is. He's not even sure how he managed to get to this table earlier on his feet because now he doesn't even want to stand in the fear of his legs being too wobbly like Mako is taking his ability to perform along with her.
To be fair, he's practically experiencing existing without one side of his body so earnestly, his suffering is justifiable and reasonable as he holds back just sinking into the floor like he might eventually end up only existing with the ground and it will make him feel better.
But then Herc is saying something and Raleigh can't even comprehend it, at least, not very well. He admittedly, feels like a scared kid that's trying to exist in a lunchroom full of harsh kids on the day his only friend is absent. So in short, yes he is currently scared, but not terribly so. He thinks he'll manage.
However, Herc mentions Mako and his brain short circuits as pure need takes over and he forces out the want to start crying right here right now in front of everyone because he doesn't have his other half. That would be embarrassing and pitiful and weird and just overall, not a smart idea.
So he tries as hard as he can to focus on what the other man's saying, only really interested about Mako. "What?" He asks, then retreats as Herc pauses. "Sorry, I didn't hear what you said."
"Christ," Herc mumbles with a shake of his head, still, he sighs and turns to Raleigh. "I said that Stacker's worrying about Mako, something about her being avoidant, and I think you should check up on her."
Raleigh stills, glancing up at Herc who presses his lips into a thin line before continuing, "Just seems like you two are rather close, even from the moment ya met."
"Oh." Raleigh doesn't quite yet know what to think about that, so he doesn't. Instead, he nods, awfully ignoring how his stomach twists with concern because this confirms what he already knew. They'd only been at the Shatterdome for fifteen minutes and he separated from Mako around ten minutes ago yet here they are, further apart because Mako decided on spacing herself from everyone because she felt like a part of her was just torn away. Raleigh already knows where she probably is, simple and short, she's in her room. Raleigh hasn't gone over there yet, seeing as he didn't need to drop by his room across from Mako's to go eat food, but it seems Mako beelined for it. So he stands up, unable to remove the thought of Mako all alone and confused about why she feels the way she does currently. Quickly tossing an "alright" before heading towards the hallway they shared.
He tries not to think he's in a jaeger when he picks up a decent pace, like there's a giant beast that he's running towards with Mako right by his side, in a machine. It'll only make the emptiness he feels stronger.
Soon enough Raleigh slows to a stop, terribly anxious and a complete wreck as he walks up two steps, raises a hand to the thick door, and hesitates. God, he doesn't even know this is so hard, he's been longing for Mako this whole time yet finally confronting her about it when they both need it? He huffs, glancing to the side and knocking as his stomach pools with anxiety and he tenses up like moving will kill him.
He straightens his posture because he knows Mako will be peaking through the peek hole in the door before opening it. He restrains himself from fidgeting around, even holds himself back when his fingers itch to pull out a hard piece of candy to calm him down.
But then the doors opening, the slowest he's ever seen it open and the light of the hallway is all that makes Mako visible from her dark room and Raleigh frowns at the sight.
For starters, she looks completely tired and lost, like she's been searching pointlessly for hours. She doesn't tilt her head with a small smile like she normally does when Raleigh walks up to her room. Instead, her face twists with confliction as she eyes him up and down because she just can't understand and honestly, Raleigh's only beginning to.
He blinks, only now realizing how his shoulders loosen up in Mako's presence because finally she's here. He doesn't feel like he's operating with half of himself anymore, it's a bit better as he moves to the top step, watching as Mako blinks up at him and he gazes down at her. However, no matter how much he's basking in her company, she's experiencing this for the first time ever and doesn't seem to be doing any good so Raleigh smiles softly, "Hey Mako," He says quietly.
Raleigh normally thinks he can expect the unexpected pretty well, however, Mako ruins that with one move it takes him a moment to realize what is even happening.
Mako's just pulled him in for a hug. She's hugging him.
And awfully tight too.
He's ashamed of how fails to get rid of the golden and orange warmth that burst inside of him, checks flushing as Mako wordlessly buries her head in his sweater. Then she mutters something in Japanese and sure Raleigh knows the language, but she's just too quiet to understand. Thankfully (but not really) she leans back, brows furrowed as she searches for something in his eyes. "I don't know why..." She trails off and it's one of the rare moments where Raleigh has seen her embarrassed. She tugs Raleigh closer, though, but it's just to hide her face as she presses it against his arm and once again punches the breath out of him. "But you're making it better."
He remembers the situation at hand with those words, wrapping his arms around her so fucking carefully like it's the only chance he'll get to do so, which, to be fair, this might be. So he savors it, stuffing down the burn his throat with no progress as he leans towards her with a whisper. "I know, I feel it too."
"Why?"
He doesn't trail off as Mako pulls him impossibly closer, her hands burning out his shoulder blades, no, he stays focused and they both sway to the right and to the left once. "Velcroing, jaeger pilots trying to move from practically sharing a brain to being two different people."
She pauses, they don't sway right or left and her brows furrow with thought as she fixes her posture and Raliegh can see her face again. Then, with a soft acceptance, she nods shyly, "Makes sense."
"Yeah, it's-" But he's cut off as Mako steps on his shoe, and then her eyes avoid meeting Raliegh's as she steps backwards while bringing Raleigh with her.
"Come in," She says as steadily as she can and Raleigh wills himself to himself not to think too much about any of this as Mako's small but strong hands pull him into her room by his shoulders. His stomach flops over and twists around, needily melting into her touch and squeezing her hips as a sort of reality check.
But it's more than real as Mako's hands slide down his back just to close the door behind the two of them and she stops moving backwards, making Raliegh bump into her and their chest press together. His eyes snap back down to hers and this time she is easily maintaining eye contact and it's making Raliegh crumble. Her gaze is simply too much, it has his knees questioning their abilities as she once again looks into his eyes like there's something there she wants.
Their closeness reminds him of their trial run- the one that failed, when Mako stuck onto a memory and Raliegh was at her side as soon as he could, both of them sitting on the floor of the conn pod, his arms wrapped around her in the jaeger head.
But it goes even further, making his face burn as Mako tilts her head up and her eyes flicker like the single dim light in the room way over somewhere in the corner of the walls. He doesn't recognize that expression, not really, but he catches on quickly with a startled expression of his own that he hides when Mako lifts a warm hand to his cheek and she huffs.
"Mako," He says softly, wrapping his fingers around her wrist oh so gingerly as he shakes his head. "How are you holding up?"
She blinks, bowing her head and Raleigh studies her for a moment and then another before catching her gaze with a firm tone, "Mako, you okay?"
"Of course," She mumbles. The tips of her slender fingers are scolding the sides of his face. However, he likes it a lot.
Still, he isn't selfish like that no matter how much he wants something like this and questioningly glares at her. "Mako," He says with a firmer tone, meeting her hooded eyes. "Tell me what's on your mind," He prompts softly. Against his attempts Mako only leans forward ever so slightly.
"You," She whispers in admission, the warmth of her breath fanning across his chin before she blinks away, her other hand tugging on his shoulder. "I think I want you," She says, hesitating right after as she watches Raleigh attentively, waiting for any response.
Unfortunately, he has to rewire his brain for a moment before he can do anything. He inhales sharply, carefully placing his hand on hers that it engulfs even more of his face. He shakes his head slowly, voice low and gentle, "You sure that isn't just because of the drift?"
Mako stills, making Raleigh's guts twist as he waits. Mako's eyes shift, then, she's facing him again and she nods, voice never wavering, "I do." And Raleigh's heart swells, hope drowning his anxiety with a rush, his head full of orange and blue clouds that carry his thoughts away so nicely.
"Really?" He asks with a punched breath, air leaving him faster than what should be safe. But when Mako nods again, well, he can't be bothered to worry about anything. Not right now.
"Yes, it just..." She tilts her head slightly, the tips of her hair that are dyed blu brush against her cheeks it nearly makes Raleigh jealous, but that would be ridiculous of him. "It helps," She says, catching the momentary flash of confusion in his eyes and she lets a small and soft chuckle fall past her lips, leaving him a jumble of adoration. "Helps me know I'm not alone with the way I feel, Mr Becket." She teases the last name, seeing his eyes widen with realization.
Well shit, she's right. The drift. Of course she knows that Raleigh likes her, their minds habe literally been melded into one. Twice.
His face burns with embarrassment as it dawns on him amd he chokes. "Oh, shi- yeah that would make sense."
"And you do feel the same, correct?" She questions lightly, lips curled upwards as Raleigh stands there, blushing like an idiot as he presses his lips into a thin line and nods.
"Correct," He says, his previous emotions being overtook with giddiness because apparently, surprisingly, Mako was just really good at keeping what she wanted away from him and it turns out, they want the same thing. So now, it isn't all that unreachable and unreasonable, is it?
The answer is obvious, the presence as glaring as a kaiju on land. It's so clear and bold their minds are practically connected again, single thoughts shared wordlessly as Raleigh nods, rolling his eyes with a huff before Mako pulls him in for a kiss.
It's sweet and slow, their hands intertwining like their minds as free hands tug the other closer, eyes falling shut as everything but the two of them in this moment fades away.
It's heaven, it's thanks to the drift and it's more than either of them could have asked from the other. It has Raleigh's heart swimming in seas of contentment and gratitude, holding onto her like she's the sun that's keeping him alive- while of course, also effectively melting him.
He's all here for it though, pleasantly accepting the way Mako squeezes him in a hug as they part to catch their breath, her arms wrapping tightly around his back.
It is, in Raleigh's humble opinion, everything he needs in this moment as her eyes meet his, her hand generously travelling up his side to rest on his shoulder.
Unfortunately, though, the moment is cut short as three firm knocks on the door drag them out of their little haze, Mako frowning with defeat as she lets him go so he can open the door.
There, on the other side, stands Herc, patient and mindlessly fiddling with a loose string of his sling, arm tucked inside as he blinks. "She alright?" He asks, eyes sliding back to Mako, offering for her to answer and she simply nods with a smile, making his eyes shift back to Raleigh as he clears his throat. "Well, that's good, Mr Choi says we got two more damn kaijus, but for some reason they're sitting right at the breach. It's time to suit up."
Mako nods, Raleigh gesturing to Herc's arm, "Who do you think is gonna pilot with Chuck now that you can't?"
Herc's mouth shuts, eyes flickering off somewhere before he sighs. "I don't know," He says, voice lowering in volume. With that he steps back, tapping on the door frame with a steady and clear voice, "Alright, get ready, won't you?"
"Yes sir," Raleigh says, nodding as a sort of goodbye as Herc walks away. He turns back to Mako, stepping towards her with a mumble, "You ready to get back in the jaeger?"
She smiles, one hand wandering up to ruffle up his hair, "Of course."
She walks past him, leaving him in her room as he grins like an idiot, shaking his head with a laugh before following her and closing the door behind him.