The Eyes Have It
by Castlefan6
Authors Note: This is AU; Builds on Episodes 3-14, 16, and 17. Castle sees what he thinks is the event to seal his departure from Beckett, but do his eyes deceive him? Sometimes things aren't the way we see them.
I don't own Castle; I only use the characters for amusement purposes, except the ones I create.
Also, we take liberties with the timeline from Canon and use events to make this more believable fiction, thanks. Remember This IS AU. Timelines, Events, and Outcomes may vary from the Original Script.
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COURTESY OF DUST JACKET DOT COM
[INT. FREEZER STORAGE CONTAINER]
Castle? Are you there? KB
Yeah, I'm right- I'm right-I'm right here. RC
I can't feel anything. Huh. I always thought, being a cop, I'd take a bullet. Never thought I'd freeze to death. KB
Hey. W-we're not dead yet. RC
I just wish this was one of your books and you could re-write the ending. KB
I'm s- I'm sorry. RC
For what? KB
F- for being me. Going rogue. Getting you into- into this. If we hadn't gone- gone rogue... RC
Oh, shh. Castle, no., Okay? Shhh. You were right. We found the bomb. We were just too late, okay? Castle. Thank you...for being there. KB
Always. RC
I just want you to know how much I... KB as she loses consciousness
Hey, Kate. Stay with me. Kate. Stay with me. RC
They had been lucky, Castle's crazy ideas had become part of a pattern for the boys, so they checked out all of the recent activities and found them in the freezer, saving their lives. The bonus to Kate was the Doctor attending to them was none other than Josh, her Josh. He came back after their earlier argument to be with her rather than fly to the Doctors Without Borders assignment he was originally headed to.
Their luck continued as they found the location of the dirty bomb with just minutes left before it was set to detonate. In a move of desperation, Rick yanked the entire wiring harness, dislocating all of the wires to the bomb, successfully disarming the bomb and saving countless lives.
Afterward, he was talking to Beckett in the precinct when he suddenly decided to go home, surprising Beckett momentarily, until she felt Josh's arms slide around her waist from the back. She was torn as she watched her partner step into the elevator, never looking her way, eyes firmly fixed on the ceiling, until the doors closed.
FAST FORWARD ONE WEEK
The buzzing of the doorbell sounded long and loud, it wasn't unexpected, at least if he knew the folks at the 12th as well as he thought he did. As he opened the door, he braced himself, there stood one pissed-off, Kate Beckett. Her brown hair hugged her face gently, adding to the contrast to her stern gray eyes, shining with something he couldn't quite place. Was it anger? Was it hurt? Whatever emotion it was he was about to find out.
"So, you're back from the Hamptons?" she said, taking off her gloves, walking past him, and through the open door as she tugged her gloves off and smacked them in her hand, not waiting to be invited in. She had something to say, and she was going to say it.
"By all means Detective, do come in, make yourself at home." He muttered as he closed the door behind her. "Hello to you and good evening as well to you too, Detective Beckett." He tried to lighten the mood and was greeted with one of her death glares, so he just answered her question.
"Yeah, Mother and Alexis are due back tomorrow, I came back a few hours ago, there was some business I needed to take care of that couldn't wait," he said quietly, avoiding her eyes.
"I don't suppose that this business of yours included emailing your resignation to Captain Montgomery, or did it?"
He started to say something to lighten the mood, but he couldn't get it out before he was admonished.
"Castle," she said, he knew that tone and her raised eyebrow added to the seriousness. Kate Beckett was one pissed-off or hurt lady, which he hadn't determined yet, she wouldn't take any bullshit from him, not tonight.
He sighed heavily. "Yes, Beckett, it did, but I asked him not to tell you, not yet anyway."
"And if not now then when Rick?" she said, her eyes pooled with water, tears she would be damned if she let him see. She crossed her arms on her chest, not waiting for an answer before she continued, staring at him directly into his deep blue eyes. "You'd really leave without even letting me know? Why? What did I do? I thought I deserved more than this type of treatment Rick."
Rick felt like his world was falling apart, "You do. I just... " his eyes shifted to the floor, and took a deep breath before he continued. He didn't want to tell her the whole truth, so he opted for a half-truth. "It's not you, it's me. I just can't cope with what happened in the last few days, not and just go back to life as it was." he paused briefly, then raised his eyes to her face again.
He saw confusion and perhaps hurt in hers, so he further explained. "I saw you slip away, Kate, I heard what I thought were going to be your last words, and I was helpless. I was there, but couldn't do a damn thing to save someone I lov, eh, care about deeply. You were there, right in my arms, and I was supposed to protect you, but I couldn't, and it scared me, it still scares me."
Her eyes became softer, changing back to the green that he loved, maybe she had acted hastily, maybe it wasn't because of that last ride in the elevator when he wouldn't look at her with Josh, marking his territory,
Castle always had a smile, not tonight, when she looked at his face all she saw was an empty and hollow expression, it was the same look when Josh had her wrapped up. He was heading home alone leaving her in the arms of her boyfriend after she actually told him Josh came back, and now they had a chance. She refused to give up, not when it came to this boychild, they could fix it, she could fix it. She reached out and grabbed his hands, tugging at them gently to get his attention.
"Castle, listen to me. I know that facing death three times in less than twenty-four hours is a high standard even for cops, but we're here now, we're ok." she tried to reassure him, as her thumb massaged his hands, trying to reassure him. His answer shocked her,
"Are we really Kate? I don't know if you are, but I know I'm not, every time I close my eyes a vision of one of those scenarios' rushes in, "
"Rick, listen to me, she took his right hand with both of hers and placed it directly over her heart, covering it with hers. He could feel her strong pulse under his fingertips. He closed his eyes focusing on her strong and steady heartbeat and let out a breath he didn't even realize he was holding. "Do you feel that, Rick? Yes, I'm here thanks to you, my partner." She sighed, trying to convince him,
He took a deep breath and then said slowly but in a firm voice, "As much as I would be glad to take the credit for saving your life, Kate, the truth is we were just lucky and you know it." he said, opening his eyes, his smile gone. "If the boys and Josh had not been there, we would have had a much different outcome, and wouldn't be having this conversation.
Kate's memory returns to the moment Castle stepped out of the ambulance wrapped in a blanket, (Dust Jackets)
So, your boy is back in town. RC
Mm-hmm. He came back. KB
So, what does that mean to you? RC
It means we have a chance. KB
"Yes, we were lucky Rick, but that wasn't all." she returned his smile. "After we found the bomb and Fallon couldn't help, I gave up all hope. You didn't, you never gave up on us or being able to stop the bomb, you believed in yourself, in us, that's what saved us." She was trying to turn the conversation to what he had accomplished, not that she mentioned Josh as if he was some God. What the hell did he do, he didn't go to one DWB one time, after a huge fight. Rick had saved her life, and countless others three times in 24 hours.
"I had to do something. The way you looked, I have never seen fear on your face before, then fear turned to acceptance that you were ready to die. Kate, I'll never forget that face, it haunts me in my nightmares. I wake up with cold sweats, wondering did it really happen, are you really safe?" He said, fighting to keep the tears in his eyes.
She knew exactly what he was referring to because his terrified face was indelibly etched on her face when had similar nightmares, almost calling him to verify it wasn't all a dream.
"Rick, look at me, look at me Rick, it's OK, you're OK, I'm OK, see." Without another thought except for a strong desire to comfort him, or perhaps she was the one that needed to be comforted, she stepped into his safe space. She closed the gap between them and hugged him, resting her chin over his shoulder. It was just a matter of seconds when she felt him relax in her embrace, circling her waist with his strong arms. Neither moved nor spoke. Yet it was not awkward, each giving strength, each receiving it from the other.
"Rick, you know I can still feel the chill in my bones, " she spoke almost in a whisper in his ear, clinging to him.
He sighed. "I know Kate, me too."
She closed her eyes and nuzzled his neck lightly with her nose. "Rick, you're warm," perhaps he was warm, or perhaps it was the first time she had felt safe since the last time she was in his arms.
"Warm? Hell Kate, I thought I was hot." he faked hurt, and she chuckled into his shoulder. Only Castle could make jokes while discussing something so serious. He could feel her smile against his skin as her body rocked with laughter.
Then she went quiet again for several moments, then she said, "You can't leave me, Rick. You said always, and I'm holding you to it, partner"
He pulled his head back slightly to see her eyes, full of tears she refused to let go of, while they searched his face for any answer, anyway she could keep him with her.
"Kate, eh, Beckett-"
She knew she shouldn't ask this; she knew she was taking a huge risk. But she needed to know, so whatever he was going to say she cut him off. "Rick, did you mean the things you said, I mean always, and well did you mean it?"
Seeing him hesitate, with a note of urgency in her voice she asked again. "Did you mean it, Rick?"
His answer was barely above a whisper. "Yes." He answered as a tear dropped from his eye.
Beckett visibly relaxed and gave him a smirk of her own. "Good, 'cause I meant every single word I said in there as well."
She cupped his face then, placing one hand on each cheek, then slid down slowly and gracefully to linger for the briefest moment on his lips. Her eyes followed her fingertips and rested on his mouth as her expression clouded for a second.
She felt him stiffen under her caress, causing her to suddenly realize how dangerous and unfair this was to him, almost showing him what he could never have, not as long as she was with someone else. Neither one of them believed in cheating, no matter what.
"I really should go," she said, removing her hands from his face as she'd been burned, with the realization that she was leading him on,
She turned to leave then, but his hands were faster, and grabbed her arms, pulling her back to him. The other hand came up to the back of her neck, they looked at each other just for a split second before their mouths collided, hot and hungry. The long desire to kiss his lips was being fulfilled at last,
The kiss was frenzied, and the physical need to touch him in every possible way brought her flushed against his hard body as one of his hands slid down to the small of her back holding her gently but firmly against him, relishing every second.
Her fingers weren't idle as they waved through his dark locks, pushing a stray strand of hair off his face so she could gently caress it. All the while they explored each other mouth, both of them fighting to take control of the kiss, relinquishing then fighting for control again.
The intensity of the kiss was overwhelming, mouths clashed, tongues caressed where teeth had previously bitten, and hands gently caressed the other. His mouth slipped to descend along the column of her neck, eliciting a groan from deep inside of her when he sucked on a particularly sensitive spot.
"OH MY GOD" Hearing her own passion-filled voice somehow shook her out of the love trance. She could feel the blood roaring in her ears, louder than all her other thoughts. But not loud enough to cover a single word, her mind was screaming. Josh.
Oh. My. God. What the hell was she doing?
"Castle...Rick, Rick " She tried to get his attention, but squirming in his arms only added fuel to his desire. He bit not so gently where her shoulder met her neck, right on her pulse, causing her to moan again. No, no, no, this wasn't supposed to happen. She had to stop this, and fast.
"Rick, please... Rick stop."
She pushed slightly against his chest, so he pulled back slightly confused. No part of him was currently touching her except for her hands on his chest. They looked at each other, both breathing heavily, both at a loss for words. But she recovered quickly and spoke first. "Castle, we can't."
He flinched at the resolve in her voice. Little did he know that though her voice sounded steady, her heart was pounding so fast she thought it could burst from her chest at any second now.
He sighed heavily and collapsed on the couch behind him, his head between his hands. "Kate, I'm sorry I-
"No need to apologize, Castle." she stuttered trying to compose herself, "We... we were both on an emotional roller coaster these last few days, things just got out of hand." Her own words didn't convince her, or stop the longing to repeat what had just happened.
"Let's just forget this happened, and move on, please." She pleaded,
His face showed every bit of the hurt that erupted from his soul, "Sure Beckett, if that's what you want, it never happened, and again, I'm sorry."
His face showed every wrinkle of tiredness, and confusion as he watched her as she leaped for the door, stopping with her hands on the doorknob. "Rick. I'll see you tomorrow at the precinct. Right?" she asked hesitantly, hoping their actions hadn't undone what she had come to accomplish, she needed her partner beside her.
He looked up, but not directly into her eyes, at his slight nod, she just left the apartment walking towards the elevator. With a ding the sliding elevator door opened, welcoming her in, then closed as she leaned her back heavily against the opposite wall, her head toward the ceiling and her eyes tightly shut. She just now knew how Castle had felt that day he left the precinct with Josh draped all over her.
As the elevator descended to the first floor, all she could think of was that once again her brain got the best of her heart. There was a simple solution to the problem, but she didn't dare to simply set her heart free, free to give away to the man she just left.
She walked home, almost on autopilot, thinking and questioning herself, WHY, Why was she such a coward when it came to everyone but Rick? Hell, she had made her modus operandi in high school and college as being the first to strike. No guy could break up with her, not if she dumped him first.
She met Josh when she was running from Rick, now ironic that the man she found in her attempt to escape from a man's love and devotion, was blocking her from enjoying true love, finally. The hurt on Rick's face when she suggested forgetting all about what had happened as if it had meant nothing to her. He was wrong if that's what he thought. She was still tingling from his kiss, God, that man could kiss.
He promised to recall his resignation, and he promised to show up tomorrow, but after tonight, could he? Would he? She finally had understood the hurt he felt, with each kiss, from Demming, from Josh, God, what a fool she had been. She reached her apartment, took a hot shower, and then cried herself to sleep. She hadn't felt so down, since she was 11 years old and Barry Lazzo, the boy she had a crush on and who lived three houses down, moved to Toledo Ohio.
This was far from a childhood crush, this time it wasn't children's feelings being hurt, it was Rick's. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt him, but it seemed that was all that she had been able to accomplish, God, he couldn't leave her, he had said ALWAYS.
TBC