In fact, like Jack said in the end it was a rather routine affair. Jack's retirement ceremony. Which the president of the United States attended himself. As well as all the former SG-1 members. Lieutenant General Hank Landry promotion and appointment as the new Head of Homeworld Security and finally her own promotion to Brigadier General and appointment to command the SGC. After all was set in place, they had to decide what to do with their Washington house and when to move to the Springs.
Jack was enjoying his very first day of retirement with Jake in his lap while Sam was going through her transfer papers, real estate offers and moving company orders. Jack didn't know how she could tell which paper was what but she had her system. If he asked her about a house in the Springs she would give him a paper in one second.
"Yes, Jake… Mommy has a new job and you don't have to go to daycare anymore. Now you stay home with daddy", he said playing with his tinny arms.
"They've given us three weeks to settle everything here and find a house in Colorado and then I've to present myself at SGC", she said sighing.
"It's a little pressed for time but we can adjust", he said.
"I suppose", she said putting the transfer papers down.
"What do you want to do regarding the house?", he asked making goofy faces for his son. Jake started to laugh.
Sam glanced at the several real estate offers that were on the table. They were seated outside in backyard, enjoying the morning sun.
"Honestly, I think we should sell this one and try to buy another in Colorado. I'm so regretting that you sold your old house back there. We could have renovated it solving a lot of problems. I really liked your house", she said passing a hand through her hair.
"Sorry honey. At the time 'we' weren't an option", he said without disguising his acidity.
Sam knew that her engagement to Pete was still a sour subject between them.
"I know Jack. I've already told you how sorry I am for all the hurt I've caused you during those days", she said in a lower tone. Her eyes were on their garden, avoiding his.
"Well, let bygones be bygones, like my grandpa used to say", he said after a while.
"Yeah", she said still not looking at him.
Jack put his son on the floor. He immediately started to walk towards the grass. Slowly he put his hand over hers.
"Sam, I'm not upset", he said caressing her skin.
"Of course not", she said still not looking at him.
"Okay so maybe I don't like to speak about that specific period in our lives but I'm not upset with you, honey. That stayed in the past. It's not us, Sam", he said not letting her hand go.
Slowly she turned to him.
"Sometimes I don't know if that really stayed in the past, Jack. Because like you said you don't like to speak about it. So we've never really spoke about it. And whenever that subject appears I clearly hear and sense your reproach. So maybe we need to speak about it. Really speak about it. Once and for all." Her voice was firm but her eyes were showing some internal pain.
"Okay then, if you want to talk about it, we talk about it", he said leaning back on his chair.
"It's not that I want to talk about it, Jack. I'm telling you that I feel WE need to talk about it", she said trying to make him see the need to discuss a painful subject for both of them.
"Fine. We talk about that damn thing, Sam. Where do you want to start?". His voice was now clearly edgy.
"By telling that I love you. That I've always loved you. Even when I was engaged to Pete", she said trying to keep her voice steady.
Jack tapped both hands in the arm of his chair.
"See… That right there is one of the things that I never really understood. I know we weren't supposed to have a relationship. That it was forbidden but I always thought that you cared about me. That we were on some sort of standby. With everything stuffed in that goddam room!"
He quickly passed a hand through his face.
"Until you suddenly came back from Prometheus, all strange, and started dating that douchebag. And from dating to full engagement. Wedding ring and all. So please… Comment all you want. I'm all ears", he said in a clearly agitated tone.
Sam swallowed and gathered her hands in her lap. They should have had this conversation years ago. Because Jack clearly hadn't get over her engagement with Pete. At all.
"Okay, so first thing. The relationship that we weren't supposed to have. Yes, Jack you're right. I cared about you deeply. More than that. I loved you. I was completely in love with you. And then I was stuck on Prometheus. I never told anyone what really happened there. Well, I'm going to tell you now. Besides the concussion, I had some pretty vivid hallucinations. Some familiar, some not. And I misinterpreted them. Especially yours", she said looking at him.
Jack was clearly surprised.
"Hallucinations? There were no mentions of hallucinations in your report", he said.
"I never report them", she said.
"What did I said to you? In those hallucinations?", he asked curious.
She blushed a little.
"You told me you were a 'safe bet' and that 'I deserved more'. I understood that after more than six years being single, I needed at least to explore other options, one way or the other. And when I woke up in the infirmary and called you 'Jack' instead of 'Sir' you reacted like I was crazy. Like I had crossed a line. So I thought you didn't care about me anymore and…" Sam took a deep breath. "And then Pete appeared", she said.
"Oh so it's my fault then?", asked Jack starting to tap the arm of the chair again. His nerves getting the better of him.
"I'm not saying it's your fault. But we couldn't pursue a relationship due to regulations, none of us was leaving SGC and I was desperately lonely, Jack. I loved you but I couldn't have you", she said feeling the first tears starting to drop.
"So you settled for second best…", he said dryly.
Her hurt face told him maybe he had gone a little too far.
"Well, it's certainly one way of putting things", she said cleaning her eyes.
"I'm sorry, honey…", he said trying to grab her hands.
She didn't move them from her lap when he reach for them but she didn't reciprocate his touch either.
"I know it was difficult for you, Sam. I understand that you felt you had to move on with your life since we weren't going anywhere. But it hurt. That's all I wanted you to know. That it hurt like hell seeing you go out with that asshole, picking flowers and shit. Wearing his wedding ring. Sleeping with him…".
Jack lowered his head. He had really hated knowing that part.
"Yeah, like you didn't sleep with Kerry, right Jack? You're just friends?", Sam asked biting her lip.
Jack sighed.
"You know very well I slept with Kerry. You saw us in my house. We had a brief fling. She dumped me. It was all", he said.
"Well, I'm sorry if things with Pete were a little more complicated than your affair with Kerry. I'm a complicated person. I don't deal with feelings and emotions very well but for once in my life I had a man totally focused on me. Even if it turned out he was too focused. But it felt nice at the time, Jack. Go on dates, to a movie. Have a nice dinner. Have a life outside the Mountain", she said knowing how these words were hurting him.
"Yeah you really had a blast", he said putting his hands behind his neck and stretching.
"I would have trade all of that if I could have you instead. The problem was that I hadn't you. And you didn't exactly let me know that there were still any feelings left, Jack. So I just had to deal with what I had. And at that time I had Pete", she said looking up.
"But it never felt right. And eventually I realized that. So, yes, Jack. I'm sorry I took too long to cancel the marriage and become romantically available", she said with a little too sarcasm in her voice. She couldn't help it.
"We had bad timing. It was just that", he said eventually. After the silence became too intense to bear.
Sam continued silent, looking at their son playing in the well cut grass. She was suddenly feeling very depressed and with a terrible will to cry. She tried to shake it off.
"So Pete will always stand between us. Is that what you're saying?", she finally asked looking at him.
He looked at her with almost black eyes. He only did that either because of anger or passion. Sam was pretty sure it wasn't the last. So he was angry.
"I don't give a flying fuck about Pete! I never did. Wrong… I hated his stupid face every time I had to see him. Because he had you at that time. But now he is just a face in the past. You're MY WIFE, the mother of my SON, the LOVE of my LIFE! So Samantha Carter-O'Neill, I only care about YOU and our SON. Nobody else! Is that understood?", he asked with a voice that carried so emotion that almost took Sam's breath away.
"Yes", she said, barely above a whisper.
He got up and grabbed her hands picking and holding her. Very close to him.
"I love you. I'll always love you. More than anything in this universe. So there's no one who will come in between us. That I promise you. I told you the night we married that I would always love and protect you. I meant it, Sam. I'm in this marriage to the end of my days. To my last breath", he said. His hands holding her waist tightly.
Sam had her hands over his but she moved them to around his neck, caressing the hairs there.
"You can be very romantic when you want", she said. Starting to kiss him slowly in the mouth.
He returned the kiss, holding her even closer. Feeling her breasts against his chest.
"I have my moments", he said moving his lips to her neck.
She smiled. "You certainly have", she confirmed as his lips continued to move.
He suddenly stopped and looked at her.
"Is this subject closed? Once and for all?", he asked.
"Yes, Jack. It is", she confirmed. Kissing him again.
"Sweet", he said as he kissed her again.
They never talked about Pete again. It was a closed subject for both of them. As such Jack never told Sam that he had tracked Pete years ago and found out that he had married an English teacher. Not much longer after the broken engagement with Sam. That Pete was a father of twin baby boys. That he also lived in Denver where he was still a Detective and that his wife was a stay-home mom, raising their kids. No, he had never told her that and he didn't plan on telling. Pete was a closed subject.