Unfinished family affairs

by ThatGrumpyGerman

A coming-out story in the Bloom Into You universe, following the end of the manga series about the relationship between Touko Nanami and Yuu Koito. Both have become a couple and are planning on a future together, yet, there's still one obstacle to take: How should they tell their families and how will those react? Spoiler Alert: Major spoilers for those who only know the anime.

Looking back

With her hands clutched to fists, her knees kept firmly shut, Yuu Koito sat on the couch and looked past each other, her cheeks lightly blushing from embarrassment. This is quite awkward, she thought by herself, dodging the harsh eye contact of Touko Nanami's father. He was showing her an unreadable emotionless face that even without the increasingly loud beating of her heart in her ears made her all too aware of her own nervousness. Looking back, maybe this wasn't such a smart move after all. Have I been too pushy towards Touko? Should we have taken more time? The silence in the living room was a total contrast of the doubts in her head, the numbness in her mouth and the tightness of her chest. She raised her right fist and pressed it against her chest. Why must this be so hard? Why can't others just be happy for us both, instead of judging everything?

She thought back at the time not even two and a half years back, when Touko was at her place for the first time, to help her study for the next day's math test. Touko had also been all upset and nervous that day. Yuu herself hadn't thought all too much about it, just a senpai getting to know her kouhai's family, but Touko's already been in love with her back then. Even when it had been completely one-sided at that time, Touko'd been her first one, the one who had stolen her first kiss and even though Touko's feelings for her have been unrequited, at least not in the way Touko was showing them off, she had allowed her to be with her, somehow. She hadn't puzzled out how she should have named that relationship of theirs back then, not that it would still matter nowadays. They weren't girlfriends back then, but a kouhai allowing a senpai to kiss her, to pretend that they were a secret couple was, well, kind of unusual, wasn't it? Maybe Touko was right and there was no need to put a label onto everything, especially if none of them seems fitting. Still, quite some had the urge to copy and paste such onto everyone and everything, just like they were products in the display of a convenient store, normalized, uniformed, weighted, packed and labeled for casual shopping and consuming. Thank you very much for shopping at us, please come and visit us again soon.

Anyway, on that day, Touko's nervousness was probably showing off just like her own now. When asked about it, Touko'd admitted that it felt like she kind of owned Yuu's parents an excuse for seducing their daughter. A reaction that had left Yuu with confusion and open questions, even months after that day, since Touko hadn't seduced her at all. We were hugging and kissing, over and over again, but doing something that felt so nice wasn't that uncommon, was it? Warm Lips, long eyelashes, a sweet scent and soft skin, was there anything not to like about that? But just as weird as Touko's reaction on meeting her parents and being with her in her room had appeared to her back then, it seemed all the more reasonable now. It was her urging initiative after all that led to the two of them asking her parents for this talk, for telling them that they were more than just friends. "Excuse me for seducing your daughter. Repeatedly.", was kind of fitting, although she'd never dared to speak it out that frankly, and not for the reason that she didn't feel sorry at all. They loved each other and they weren't little girls anymore, who couldn't imagine anything beyond holding hands, but especially because of this she was all too aware that Touko'd always be her parent's little girl. And her little girl loved this stranger. Touko's parents knew of Yuu, but mostly from narrations of a kouhai, who first helped the school's council out, just to join it later, they knew of her as the nurse in the play that the council had performed on the school's annual cultural festival and last but not least as the one, who slept over at their place when the two of them had been on a vacation. Back then the two of them were pleased that her daughter got some company. It's been a bit more than a year since then and one of the very few times the three or four of them had met and talked with each other, even if it was just some shared warm words on the doorstep. If they'd been still that pleased if they had known, that that night for the first time, the two of them would ...

Yuus right fist went higher, as she started to knead her lower lip between thumb and forefinger. The heat she felt rising in her cheeks was a clear marker that she'd blushed even more. They both had wanted to do it, but sitting here, now, right before Touko's father, while the mother made some coffee and black tea in the kitchen, both of them probably becoming quite strong, felt really, really oppressive. Touko helped her mother and that she couldn't hear what was spoken among them from the living room on was both soothing and frightening. After all it was her who wanted that talk. As for Touko, everything's been good the way it was. It may sound a bit off, but even if she was now taking classes at the college, had her own apartment in the female student's hostel and was all busy with studying and stage acting, so much, that she had almost no time left for like everything, her relationship with her parents had grown better and deeper than two years ago, when she'd been going to school and thus of course lived in her parent's condo. Back then, Touko had felt a lot of pressure to keep up with her parent's and her older sister's expectations, although it has to be said that she'd put that pressure upon herself. Of course her parents were worried about her, especially since that tragic traffic accident that had cost them their older daughter and Touko her older sister, but in the end it was Touko, who had set the bars of the efforts she was willing to make that high, to reach everything her sister had achieved or wouldn't achieve anymore. Student council president, model student and role model, the stage play, all of her thoughts had circled about that and she had worked hard on herself to make it all come true. All while her parents didn't excpect anything of that from her, wanting nothing but her living her own life after the accident, being happy anyway, instead of chasing an ideal of her departed sister, that only existed in Touko's mind. It had taken some time until Yuu had realized, that she and the secret relationship they had been sharing have been a chance for Touko to flee from herself, that the part of her who just wanted to be happy, took a stand against that dominating part of her and fled with Yuu into a world in which she had to be nothing of that all. She'd been her sanctuary and her safe harbor and Yuu had to admit that she'd been flattered, that of all possible lovers she'd been chosen for that role, especially because she couldn't reciprocate that love. Looking back, that'd probably been a flight from responsibilities, too. If Yuu had loved her the way Touko did, that love would have led to expectations Touko had to fulfill and be it only the expectation to make her happy. Without requiting that love she could have fled into a relationship without expectations on her side, not realizing that her parents were offering her such a relationship the whole time long. They have always been supportive, her studies, the stage acting, her wish for her own apartment. Weren't both I and our relationship basically the same? Being by my side, loving me and feeling loved herself made her happy. She's been saying that, over and over again, emphasizing how happy and joyous she was with me and how much she wanted a future for the two of us, together. Not just secret lovers, but an apartment, a life, a family. Together. Shouldn't her parents support the two of us the same they supported her stage acting? That sounded great and convincing, in theory, and down to the point that's been the final argument that made Touko give in to Yuu's pushing and agreeing into coming clean with her parents, but standing before them was definitely different from what she had imagined. They both have been terribly nervous and almost had almost last-minute canceled it, but then Touko couldn't hold back anymore, when her mother thanked the two of them for the opportunity, to finally get to know Yuu a bit better, whom she had been known of on bowing terms as a kouhai, although Yuu hadn't been one anymore at that point, as a friend and support of her daughter.

"She's not just a friend, she's my girlfriend. The woman I love and the only one I can imagine a future with!"

The silence following that outburst was so dense, that the sound of a needle's pin hitting the floor would have broken it. Touko's parents had been looking at the two of them, then at each other, clueless, at least that was how Yuu interpreted that look. With her slightly opened mouth, Touko's mother looked seriously surprised, all while the unchanged emotionless expression on her father's face didn't show of, if he had even been listening, despite of understanding and processing those words or if his mind just tilted. Yuu took Touko's hand and squeezed it too tight, all of a sudden not that sure anymore, if the whole thing wasn't a big mistake after all.

Touko's mother got off the sofa. "I guess... I'm gonna make us some black tea. And coffee. Yes, yes."

Without a further word, she marched into the kitchen.

"I'm helping!", Touko yelled, hurrying after her. Yuu wanted to hold her back, not loosening the grip of her hand. Please don't leave me alone!, was written for everyone to see in the rising panic in her eyes, but Touko just gave her one of her broad It's all gonna be okay"-smiles, that she's been keeping back just for her and that had its own, calming way on Yuu, that her desperate grip opened itself wide enough for Touko to effortlessly free herself from it. For a short while Yuu's hand has been hanging in the air, just as if it had a will on its own, then her hand sank back into her lap, making a fist, clasping a piece of her dark blue skirt like some sort of talisman.

Here they were, the two of them, in the living room, Touko's father, whose eyes seemed to pierce right through her and herself, Yuu, his daughter's girlfriend since about one and a half years now. Yuu didn't know what to say. Same with him or he didn't have to say anything to her. With his petrified face she couldn't really tell, but she wished that he as the head of the household would break the uncomfortable silence. When he did after a felt eternity, she was so deep in her own thoughts, that she didn't realize it immediately.

"Koito-san?"

---

Face to Face

Touko shut the kitchen door behind herself softly and leaned her back, arms crossed, against it. She wasn't all too comfortable with leaving Yuu with her father, but just as much she didn't want to leave her mother alone. She had already taken both little, black boxes form the top shelf of the cupboard, so, Touko pushed herself from the door and started to collect cups, saucers, sugar and spoons for the four of them, secretly throwing glances at her mother from the side, who had already put a coffee filter into the machine and started to pour small leaves of tea into it. Touko smiled weakly and took her mother gently by the wrist. Her mother winced before giving her a brave smile.

"That bad?", Touko timidly asked, reaching out for the box with the tea and taking the filter from the machine, pouring the leaves back into it.

"Oh Touko." Uh-oh. Judging by the sound, she was this close to crying.

Touko filled the electric kettle on the tap, put him on his heater and turned it on, while her mother put the used filter back into the machine. Sure, why not, that little bit of black tea crumbs wouldn't change the taste at all and discarding the filter would be a waste. Even if it was just something that costs something from the one-digit Yen category, that's where the wasting starts.

Her mother got it slowly together again. "I suppose your father and I are both just surprised. Go easy on us for that, please? Didn't that surprise you, too?"

More than that. Touko smiled shyly. "It did. A little. At the beginning."

"Touko?"

"Yes, mom?"

"How long?"

That question was expected and to be honest, it was one of the more harmless ones her parents could ask. Still it made her feel uncomfortable, because she herself doubted the answer she had prepared. What does that mean anyway? When the first one confessed her feelings? From the point those feelings were requited? Or from the moment we both had spoken out in all clearness that we're together, a couple and that we wanted to live our lives together? After all, between the last two of those there were some weeks and between the first two months, if not years. Besides, I've never liked labels and cliches and the stage acting has only deepened that resentment. Stage plays used both to create a familiar, recognizable atmosphere, something the audience could recognize familiar situations and people within and in the end also themselves, but that was exactly what she didn't like about that. Both might have its right to exist on a stage, to get the relationship of the characters and the story behind them better and faster, but that way you're playing a standard pattern. How do friends have to act. How rivals. How lovers. People use to say that every human being and every love is unique, but if that's so, whey do they all have to follow the same pattern and support the same stereotypes?

"About one and a half year.", she hemmed and hawed quietly. The small wrinkle on her mother's forehead showed the working behind it of. She's probably counting the days back to Yuu's sleepover back.

"And... who knows, too?", her mother asked hesitantly.

"Not many. Sayaka. Yuu's sister Rei and if she knows, her boyfriend Hiro-kun knows, too. And Koyomi." The wrinkles on her mother's forehead deepened. "She's a former classmate of Yuu and soon-to-be professional writer. She wrote the stage play you saw us in. She's won a newcomer's prize lately."

Her mother's face brightened up. Of course, I've never told her about Koyomi.

"That's not that much. How about Koito-sans..." She corrected herself. "Yuu's parents?"

Touko smiled briefly. She just called my Yuu "Yuu". Her expression grew back to a stern look, when she shook her head slightly. "Not yet. We wanted to tell you first."

With the main reason being that Yuu's parents have been reacting negatively on that topic so far. Rei has been teasing Yuu for being my girlfriend at a time Yuu was still convinced that she could never fall in love, so, she different from me she has a pretty clear impression of how her parents are going to react., Touko thought silently by herself. Not the kind of information she wanted to share.

The quiet "I see." her mother was drowned out by the bubbling and hissing of the kettle. Touko poured the water into the prepared teapot and looked at the coffee maker, whose water level still showed about five minutes. Good timing.

Wait, why was she worrying about such banalities now? Her gaze darted to her left hand, which involuntarily twirled one of her long, black strands of hair. Well, there was no denying that she was also a little nervous. Neither of them had a real plan B and now that the cat was out of the bag there was no going back. They hadn't thought about what they should do if neither of their families would accept their relationship. Yuu had been too convinced that things would be fine and Touko had simply trusted her there as usually. She had trusted her with the play, she had trusted her that after taking the first step, she would take the second and third. In Touko herself everything had resisted, but even if the doubts hit her stomach, Yuu's smile and her "Everything will be fine." her way of silencing all doubts and letting her take the risk. Yes, there was no denying it, I'm braver with Yuu. That's one of the things I love about her.

"Are you happy?" her mother interrupted the train of thoughts
She hadn't expected the question, at least not from her, wait, why not? and even if she had wanted to give her an honest and serious answer, her exuberant "yes" had left her gleaming smile before she could control her facial expressions again.
"That's fine then.", her mother replied calmly, also smiling, if only fleetingly.
What, that's it? "Mom?"
"Yes, Sweetie?"
Somehow Touko didn't really know what she actually wanted to say. Or did she want to ask something? She wiped under her eye with her right index finger. A little puzzled, Touko looked at the single drop that ran down from it. Why am I crying now?
"Oh Sweetie." Her mother approached her and carefully put her arms around her. Surprised by the unfamiliar gesture, Touko reacted a little too late before returning the hug. She felt a warm burn on her cheeks as more tears rolled down them.
"Mommy."

"Koito-san?" Touko's father repeated calmly.
"Present!" Yuu yelled hastily, like a student who had been caught dozing by the teacher. Touko's father frowned slightly but didn't elaborate.
"I'd like to know whose idea this...conversation...was."
Yuu had to force herself to look at him. The situation was still awkward, but she didn't want to appear to be beating around the bush or being dishonest. She knew the right answer to that question, and yet she was reluctant to lie to him. They were both here because they wanted Touko's parents to at least accept their relationship enough to give it a chance. Insincerity'd be a very bad start there.
"Mine," she admitted quietly. "But Touko quickly became enthusiastic about it!" she hastily added, inwardly slapping herself. I guess you could say that, right? Even if it took some convincing. Still, leting Touko down there felt utterly wrong.
Touko's father nodded twice. "I see. So that's the way it is."
His expression gave no indication of the thoughts behind his forehead. Yuu watched him nervously as he now turned his gaze to the window and looked outside. Her eyes wandered briefly to his hands as he folded them in his lap.
"Was Touko afraid to tell us?" he asked, still with a calmness that was in complete contrast to her inner nervousness.
"A little.", Yuu admitted. "We both were."
He nodded twice again. His eyes gave no inference as to whether he was actually observing something out there or merely fixing some point.
"Regrettable." Hold on. That sounded resigned.
"Yes?" Yuu asked uncertainly. His eyes wandered to her.
"Why so surprised? I don't like the thought that my own daughter is afraid of me. Scared of my reaction. Scared of disappointing me."
Ah-huh?
He took a deep breath and his gaze wandered outside again before he continued. "She must have talked about her sister. Back then..." He paused to look at her. Yuu nodded a little too hastily, as a sign that she was familiar enough with the story to save him from digging too deep into the past. He acknowledged the nod and looked out the window again.
"Touko locked herself in her room for two weeks at the time. Only came out to eat. Didn't want to see anyone, didn't want to talk to anyone. My wife and I were in mourning ourselves and probably weren't a big help there. The Touko, who left her room two weeks later was a completely different one than we'd known. More single-minded. More diligent. Tougher, downright brutal on herself. I'd be lying if I said we didn't like it at first. She worked on herself, her grades, her appearance, she had goals that she pursued instead of just living for the day. Are there any parents out there who wouldn't welcome that? The doubts came later. Whether that was what she wanted at all .How she emulated her sister in everything she did, as if she had to continue living not only her life but also the life of her sister. How she withdrew more and more into herself. The brave and successful daughter that she wanted to be for us , without us ever asking it of her. At least not more than any other parents would do, I guess. All of a sudden, she was popular, had friends and definitely one or the other admirer and yet she seemed more lonely and lost every day and whenever we spoke to her about it she only withdrew further from us. At first we thought it was just her lack of time, the school, the student council, but in the end it was all just escaping from the true herself and no matter how many times we told her we just wanted her to be happy, that she doesn't have to force herself to do anything for our sake, we never got through to her and at some point we gave up. We still lived under the same roof, but somehow past each other. You could say we've become estranged, but I don't think that's the whole truth. Ultimately, her mother and I had to come down to the insight, that we didn't lose one daughter in that accident, we had lost them both."
Yuu didn't quite know how to answer that. It was all a bit too much at once, but before she could figure out an at least halfway smart reply, he continued: "Then about two years ago she changed again, but this time for the better. She was more herself. Not like before , but more who she wanted to be. Not because other people expected her to be, but because she wanted it that way herself. And now I understand why."
Yuu felt the look he gave her as piercing, even if nothing in his facial expressions suggested that. At least she would have preferred it if he had kept looking out the window. She couldn't quite tell if he was aware of it, the way she looked away as he started to finish his speech.
"I suppose I'm not good at that sort of thing," he admitted frankly, but also sounding kind of resigned. "In short: Thank you for bringing our daughter back to us. Now for the second time."
What? Yuu peered at him questioningly. Was this the same father that Touko described as withdrawn and strict? Who she was afraid to tell him about us and who was now sitting across from her, embarrassed but also relieved?
"She has her own apartment now. Her own life.", he continued explaining the thought. "Someday for all parents it's about time, when their children..." He paused and looked towards the hallway, towards the kitchen where Touko had disappeared with her mother. "You know that day is coming, you prepare for it, but when it comes... It's normal, I think, and I know she's fine. That she can do anything she wants. Still, the fact that she's here today means she wants us in her new life, and I'm happy about that. We're happy."
His eyes went to Yuu again. "What I just want to say is, please continue to take good care of our daughter."
Yuu ran her thumb over the ring on her hand. "I will," she replied without even a trace of a smile on her suddenly serious expression, even though she could hear her heart pounding up to her throat.
Touko's father nodded once determined, then he looked towards the kitchen again. Meanwhile, Yuu stared at her hands, no longer hiding the smile that gradually stole itself onto her face. It was quiet again in the living room, but this time she didn't find the silence uncomfortable. Everything was said and every further word was unnecessary.

The silence didn't last long anyway when the other two came back from the kitchen with a pill, cups and two pots. Touko looked at Yuu briefly, worried and with an apologetic smile, but the warmth of the smile she gave her in return made the doubts disappear. Touko eyed the two questioningly for a few moments, suppressing the urge to ask Yuu if something good had happened to her, but no matter how much she wanted to, the occasion or at least the timing weren't right. She would ask her later, regardless of how much she hated to wait.
She filled four cups, black coffee for her father, with sugar for herself, black tea with rock candy for her mother, tea with milk for Yuu and placed the cups in front of everyone. Yuu was the first to grab the pastry, nothing special, a few butter cookies from the supermarket, which earned her another questioning look from Touko. [style type="italic"]Sure, she was the guest here, but did she feel that way?[/style]
They probably all lost track of time a little as they sat there answering loads of questions. Touko's parents wanted to know how their daughter was doing, but they were also curious about Yuu and so they literally questioned her about her family, her future, the things she liked and didn't like. Ultimately, Touko was forced to intervene gently but firmly before it all escalated into an interrogation. Yuu didn't seem to mind, but there was a line between polite interest and obtrusiveness, and yet, as the four of them talked, it was getting dark. Time to say goodbye, but her mother had other plans.
"Why don't you guys stay for dinner?"
Touko's father's looks gave his thoughts on that away, but her no less sincere one silenced his dissent.
"Well, if you two like to? We'd be pleased.", he caved.
"Oh, please, I, we don't want to cause any trouble.", Yuu hastily interjected.
"Well I think that's a great idea. Thanks mom." She gave Yuu her best puppy look. "Please say yes."
Yuu slightly rolled his eyes. "Well, if it really isn't too much..."
"You're the best!" Touko and her mother looked at each other with a satisfied grin.
"Fantastic. Let me check what it'll be. I have to admit, I wasn't prepared for that."
"I'll help you.", Touko said determinedly, but her mother only shook her head gently.
"You? Since when can you cook?"
Touko looked at her offended. "Hey! I have my own apartment, of course I can cook! Tell her, Yuu!"
"Thanks for dragging me into this.", Yuu replied with a wry smile before she looked at Touko's mother. "She can."
She smiled mildly. "Is that so? And that even though she hardly ever helped around the house?"
"There are cookbooks. She practices a lot and she can be very stubborn. If she wants to learn something, she will learn it."
"What about you, Yuu?" In the eyes of Touko's mother glittered the mischief.
"Uh, I... cook for my family regularly?"
"Great! Would you like to give me a hand then?"
"Mom!" A determined severity crept into Touko's voice. "She's the guest here. I'll help you.", she protested.
"Oh, you already helped earlier. Are you coming, Yuu?"
Touko looked at her father, who shrugged. "Whenever there's something on her mind..."
Yuu got up and put his hand on Touko's shoulder. "It's okay, I'm good. You know well that I like cooking."
Touko gave her a pout.
"You wanted us to stay for dinner." Yuu reminded her.
The pout widened even further. She took the hand and stroked it once, then nodded. Yuu smiled at her again, then she disappeared into the kitchen with her mother. Touko watched them both go for a while.
"Beaten with your own weapons." her father said, sighing softly. "Trust me, I've been there."
Her gaze turned to him. [style type="italic"]Since when did he talk about that with visitors in the house?[/style]
"What's on your mind?" he replied calmly. "You got your stubborn head from your mother."
"More likely from both of you." They both had to smile briefly.
"Can't deny that."
"What were you two talking about earlier?"
"This and that." Ah yes.
"And about what exactly?"
"Hm." He studied her for a few moments. "What you said before. About the future together. How serious are you about that?"
Her grin died suddenly. "Very serious." she replied without hesitation.
"I see." He paused again. "Well, you shall have my blessing then."
Touko blinked twice. "We do?" Did this really just happen?
"Yeah. No damn it. I don't know either. It's all a bit much at once. But seeing you two together I think we should give it a chance. Enough of this. How's college?"

Touko had to grin inwardly. She knew him well enough to know that such subjects so weren't his cup of tea, but that he was too proud to admit that to her. He was adaptable, maybe not as much as she was, but still. He would get used to the situation with a little time given, but he was probably at his limit for the evening and so she was only too willing to change the subject.

Yuu put on the apron that Touko's mother had given her. "So what are we cooking?"
"Hm. I had already planned for chicken tonight, but that's not enough for four people. But I still have some tofu."
"We can also mix, half and half." Yuu suggested.
"Good idea. Hm, croquettes are a bit too time-consuming, maybe just rice, some vegetables and salad?"
"If you want it to be quick, just bread it and fry it."
"Agreed. Nothing against my husband, but he's not very talkative." Hold on. Come again?, Yuu thought. "I think he would be pleased, if we didn't take too much time."
"Let's get to work then." Yuu took two large plates from the kitchen cupboard. Touko's mother handed her the ingredients from the fridge. Yuu's gaze darted briefly over the round cheesecake inside and her eyes widened. Touko's mother made a face.
"Please pretend you didn't see that. Should've been a surprise. We just sort of forgot about it so far."
"Did you bake it?" Yuu asked eagerly, making the older of the two smile.
"No, it's from Touko. Brought it over late last night. As a surprise. One I messed up. Apologies."
"No, you didn't.", Yuu contradicted defiantly, which made her smile again.
"I'm glad you said that. The breadcrumbs..."
"I know," she said before her mind could stop her. She winced and took it out of the upper cupboard.
"Oh yes. Right. You've been here before.", she said stretched.
Okay, blunders.
She cracked an egg on one of the plates and mixed it all up, washed her hands briefly and then silently rolled the meat and tofu first in the egg and then in the flour before washing her hands again and drying them on a tea towel. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Touko's mother watching her briefly while she went to the sink with the vegetables. Yuu first put the meat in the pan with tongs, she only wanted to fry the tofu briefly, for it wouldn't take that long.
"Tell me Yuu, what kind of relationship do you two actually have?"
The tongs clattered from her hand. Excuse me?
Touko's mother nodded toward Yuu's hands as she dried the vegetables and picked up a broad knife. "My husband probably hasn't noticed, but you two wear the same ring. May I have a look?"
Rather hesitantly, Yuu stretched out her left hand with the thin, twisted ring into her direction. She would definitely have preferred the question all while she wasn't holding a large kitchen knife in her hand. Unfazed by this, she cut up a head of lettuce, then stretched out her left hand with fingers spread so that Yuu's ring and the wide, smooth, slightly blunted wedding ring of hers almost touched.
"It's pretty. Discreet and elegant. But it doesn't look quite as good as an engagement or wedding ring, does it? But it doesn't have to. Brass, gold, silver, thick, thin, with trimmings or without, in the end a ring just a ring. A piece of metal. Its importance is not determined by size or weight, but by this." She tapped her own heart area. "That's what gives a ring its real meaning. So tell me, is that what I'm thinking or is it some kind of friendship ring? Oh and you should turn the meat over soon."

Yuu tore her eyes away from her, grabbed the tongs again and turned back to the pan. Next to her, the snibbling continued and so she also fried some of it briefly. She wondered if it might not have been better to take the rings off for the day and wear them on a chain, but in the end neither of them had really wanted that.
"We love each other," she said after a little while. "If it were legal, we would get engaged." Her gaze hastily went back to Yuu's mother. "Of course only with the blessing of our parents.", she almost panicky added.
"Very decent of you both. And what if you don't get it?"
"Then we would keep trying. Until we get it."
Touko's mother studied her for a few moments before nodding. "I see." She poured some sauce from a plastic bottle into the pan and sprinkled some more pepper on top. "Have you read the newspaper? In Tokyo you can now register such a partnership. Of course it's not the same as an engagement, but it makes it possible to get insurance together. Or to make medical decisions for the other at the hospital, just in case. I take it that the world is changing. Sometimes I wonder if my generation can keep up."
Yuu smiled to herself, half lost in thought, while shrugging. Meat and tofu were looking good now. "Maybe in 20 years I'll say the same thing."
"Pretty precocious." Touko's mother scolded gently with a wink. "Well, I would say that everything looks fine. Would you be so kind as to set the table?"
"Will do."

Dinner was mostly quiet. Yuu and Touko liked to talk while eating, but according to Touko, her father, and presumably her mother, preferred to be quiet while eating. And for Touko's little games she liked like feeding her, this was clearly the wrong time and occasion. However, when the cake was served for dessert, Yuu managed to stare at it with wide eyes and ask Touko's mother effusively if she made it, even though she already knew the answer. Although she felt a little strange doing it, Touko's genuinely pleased smile was more than worth the effort.
After dinner, the four of them sat in the living room again. Yuu looked out the window for a moment. It was long after dark and the patter of rain predicted by the weather forecast could be heard. Would it be okay to borrow an umbrella? Well, why was she even bothering? They hadn't planned on staying that long and it wasn't like she was asking for something impossible. As if she had guessed her thoughts, Touko's mother also looked at the window.
"Pretty bad weather out there," she stated the obvious. Yuu nodded. "And you two want to get out? At this time?"
Touko and Yuu both looked at her questioningly.
"Tomorrow is Saturday. Why don't you stay the night?" came the almost impartial question, which brought her all eyes.
Her husband cleared his throat, but then nodded. "It's getting really late."
Yuu raised her hands defensively. "Please, we really have enjoined your hospitality long enough."
Touko's mother studied her for a few moments, her lips pursed. "Yuu-chan?"
Yuu gaped at her. "Yes?" she finally asked hesitantly.
"We don't want you to feel like a guest here. Please make yourself at home."
Yuu's eyes got even bigger. She looked around uncertainly. Touko seemed no less surprised than her father, although unlike him not on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Her mother, on the other hand, seemed more than determined.
"Well, be our guest sounds wrong here. How about we'd appreciate it?", her husband added slowly, which suggested that these words cost him a lot of effort.
"I don't really know. That comes out of nowhere, I'm not prepared for that.", Yuu fussed.
"We have a guest futon and a spare toothbrush in the house," Touko's father said, giving his wife a quick, scrutinizing look. She nodded. Yes, they had.

Yuu looked doubtfully at Touko, who was looking at her enthusiastically and excitedly. How was she supposed to tell her that she didn't have any sleeping clothes or spare underwear with her and at least didn't want to wear her underwear for two days? Sure, if she had to, she could also buy some in the convenience store, but it was halfway to the train station, which somehow contradicted the intentions here.
"I really don't know. What do you think?" She asked, hoping for help.
"Please say yes!", Touko's excited voice nipped this hope in the bud.
Touko's father looked at his water glass. "I think I'll have a beer today."
Her mother rose and brushed her hand lightly over his shoulder. "I'll get you one. And the toothbrush."
This is a conspiracy! Yuu thought, even though deep down she had to admit that she was excited too.
"I have to call my parents," she announced, also trying to calm herself.
"You are the best! I love you!", Touko blurted out and there went Yuu's plan to calm herself down. She gave Touko's father a quick, searching look, but he took it very calmly. Still, she didn't want to go too far and so she only gave Touko a sincere smile in response before she retreated to the hallway to make a call.
When she returned shortly after, Touko's mother was pouring her husband a small glass from a beer bottle. Her daughter sat on her heels and looked at Yuu expectantly. "Aaand?"
"I talked to Rei." She looked at the two. "My older sister." Her gaze went back to Touko. "I'm supposed to say hello from her and her boyfriend Hiro-kun. She says she'll let my parents know."
She sat next to Touko and handed her the smartphone. Touko looked at it a bit confused, then read the opened messages between Yuu and Rei.

Ingoing: Seems to be going well.

Outgoing: More than just well. 😊

Ingoing: What a relief.
Ingoing: Here I was afraid that you would

need moral support today. 😉

Ingoing: Don't worry, I'll explain to

Mom and Dad.

Ingoing: Say hello to Tou-chan. Have a

nice evening. And a good night

to the both of you. 😘

Outgoing: Oi! 😕

Smiling, Touko handed her the smartphone back, then she stretched and lolled. "It's getting late. Shall we take a bath and then go to bed?"
It wasn't quite that late after all, but Yuu had to admit that the day had been exhausting in its own way and that the relief after the exertion was taking its toll. "If that's okay?" she asked hesitantly to Touko's parents.
"Oh, sure, sure," her mother replied a little too hastily. "It must have been a busy week for both of you."
"Good night," her father said, taking another sip straight from the glass.
Touko jumped off the couch with an energy that belied her tiredness, waited for Yuu for a moment, then both wished their parents good night. Yuu picked the rolled up futon up and followed Touko to her room. As soon as the door closed behind them, Touko took the futon from her, dropped it next to her, put her hands on Yuu's cheeks and kissed her passionately. Yuu grabbed her hips and met her by standing on tiptoe. They both had their eyes shut even long after the kiss.
"I think that went pretty well?" Yuu said with a shy smile.
"Well?" Touko laughed softly. "They're both totally infatuated with you. I might get a little jealous." She said with a teasing grin, kissing her forehead. "You were wonderful. And you absolutely have to tell me how you got my father wrapped around your finger. But not today."
"I didn't do a thing.", Yuu protested, avoiding her gaze.
"Liar, liar, pants on fire. But what are we two going to do now?"
"Bathe?"
"Good idea. Together?"
"Erm. Maybe another time?"
Touko laughed again. "You're so cute. May I go first? My long hair takes longer to dry."
"Sure, go ahead. I wanted to roll out the futon first anyway."
Touko glanced at her bed. "Do we really need it? We already found out that my bed is wide enough for both of us."
"You're shameless. For the sake of your parents, we should at least use it."

"Spoilsport. Alright, you know where everything is."
She grabbed her pajamas and after another small kiss disappeared into the bathroom. After a brief search, Yuu decided on a pair of mint green pajamas, which like all of Touko's clothes would be too big for her, but better too big than too small, then she unrolled the mat and bedclothes and squatted down. She felt a little dizzy. She had stayed at Touko's place a few times before, but never when her parents were next door. No doubt her mother had a pretty good idea of what their relationship was like, but did the father have one, too? The thought kept her busy later on in the bathtub and even when she came back into the room with her sloppy clothes hanging on her and her trouser legs and sleeves rolled up, where Touko immediately hugged her neck and purposefully steered her towards the bed, throwing her onto it, laying down on her, starting to kiss her neck.
Yuu groped for Touko's hands with closed eyes and interlaced her fingers between hers. "Wait," she gasped. "We shouldn't be doing this."
Touko jumped up and looked at her dumbfounded.
Yuu blinked. "Your parents..."
Touko cocked her head and looked at her briefly, then shook it vigorously. "Oh no, you're not doing that now."
"Do what?" she asked uncertainly.
"It was you who told me that I shouldn't live my life for others and only live up to their expectations. It doesn't matter whether it's friends, teachers or parents. You said that I should live my own life the way I want to, the way it'd make me happy." She released her right hand from Yuu's grip and began to gently stroke her cheek. "Please don't make the same mistake now as I did back then. If you don't like to because you don't want to right now, then say a word and I'll let you go immediately. That's not bad, I can live with that. But if you like, but don't dare because of my parents or anyone else, that's just wrong. Then you put someone else above you, me, both of us. Then I feel rejected. And that thought hurts. Please don't do that." Her voice sounded increasingly sad, almost desperate. "I love you."
Yuu blinked again, then put her free left hand on Touko's neck and gently pulled her down. "And I love you.", she breathed softly, before giving her a long and playful French kiss with slightly parted lips and the tip of her tongue pushed out, groping for her hand in the kiss and bringing it to her own waist and from there under her top.

He poured the last drops of the bottle into the glass and clasped it in both hands. His gaze went briefly to his wife.
"Thank you for not scolding me."
"Beg your pardon?"
"I know you don't like it when I drink at home."
"Nevertheless, there are always one or two bottles in the fridge. Have you never wondered why?" No, actually, he hadn't. "If you drink at home, it'll be just one bottle."
She smiled at him, he returned it with a nod.
"I'm sorry, but that's what I needed today."
"It's okay. They grow up so fast, don't they?" she asked, still smiling.
"Indeed. But she's still our little girl, isn't she?"
She took a moment to think. "I think that's exactly why she wanted today's talk."
He nodded a few times to himself, then drank it down in one gulp. "A girl," he mused to himself, staring into the empty glass.
"Without a doubt. But a dear one."
"Don't you mind at all?"
"Hm." She sank into thought again for a moment. "I would have liked to become a grandmother.", she finally said thoughtfully.
"Would have made a great grandmother."
She smiled again. "What about you?"
"Me? I don't know. The important part is that she's happy, right?"
"She seems to be happy."
"Indeed." He sighed softly. "Is it wrong that I still have to get used to it?"
She shook her head gently. "I think we all have to. Including them. They're just a year and a half ahead of us."
"It's a strange feeling when your own children overtake you."
"That's probably true. But you did well. I know you well enough, you're only like this at home when you're relaxed."
"Look who's talking. I had the impression that you would have liked to adopt her directly as your daughter-in-law."
"Wouldn't that be nice? Both of them seem to be very serious, shouldn't we take it seriously too? Or what's on your mind?" She winked. "As I said: You can't fool me, we've been knowing each other for too long for that."
"Not long enough."
"Flatterer. So?"
He put the glass down on the coaster. "I think if she were a boy and asked for Touko's hand, I would give it to her."
"But she's not a boy."
"I know. That's what makes it so confusing, because other than that I can't think of any reason not to."
"And is that so important?"
"I don't know. Maybe? Maybe not."
"Let me reverse this: Is it important to you?"
He took a deep breath. "I don't know, but I guess not. But shouldn't it be, as her father? I don't know, I just don't know."

"You'll find out. Just like always."
"What's your position in all of this?"
"Right where I should be. By your side. By Touko's. And hopefully by Yuu-chan's as well."
"No pressure, huh?" He had to smile for a moment.
"Of course not. Get your thoughts in order and then we'll see where we all stand." She stretched her arms. "It's getting late."
"That's right. What do you think these two are doing right now?"
"Probably the same we did when we were their age."
"Oh please no!"
She laughed softly. "Why, would that be that bad?"
"No, but it's something I as a father don't want to wrap my head around."
"I don't think it was any different for my father at that time." She got up. "I'm going to sleep."
"Alright. I'll catch up, I want to think a bit more. Good night."
She walked up to him and kissed his forehead. "Don't you worry for too long. Good night."

---

Family ties

In her memory, Touko's room was quieter in the morning, but the town was probably just busier this time of year. She stretched extensively and looked over at Touko, who was already lying awake on her side, smiling pensively at her.
"Good morning my love.", Touko whispered. Yuu leaned over and gave her a quick kiss.
"Good morning to you too, my love."
"I like waking up next to you. Even more so when we're naked." She smirked briefly, which prompted Yuu to wipe the grin off her face with another quick kiss.
"Still not playing fair, eh? And a weirdo sometimes."
Touko returned the kiss, put her index finger on her neck and slowly stroked it down to her breastbone. "Obviously not weird enough to make you wanting to cover yourself."
Yuu looked down at the finger. "And you are shameless too."
"Does it disturb you?"
"Not right now," she admitted sheepishly.
"You are so cute." Touko hugged her stormily, pressed her to him and buried her nose in Yuu's hair, which in turn snuggled into the hug.
"I missed you so much.", Touko whispered to her between two deep breaths, inhaling the smell of Yuu's hair.
"Same." She slowly and carefully tilted her head back to look up at her, Touko accommodated her by pulling her head back far enough to do so.
"What do we do now?", Yuu wanted to know.
"Well, if it were up to me, we could stay in bed all day."
"Don't you have a theater rehearsal this afternoon? And I've agreed to help out in the bookstore and before that I want to change."
"I know!", Touko grumbled. "But I don't like it! We've hardly seen each other in the last few weeks!"
"Another time?"
"Promise?"
"Promise." Touko snuggled even closer to her. Yes, today she clearly doesn't want to let me go. "How about breakfast?" Yuu suggested.
"Well it may not seem like it, but my parents aren't early risers. They're probably still asleep."
"Shall we make breakfast for everyone then?"

"Hmmm." She eyed Yuu for a few moments, then kissed her forehead. "All right, let's do that."
Touko was right, it still took a good hour until her mother was the first to join them again. After a short breakfast, they both said goodbye and went to the train station together. It was a detour for Touko, but she drove with her to the Toomi station, where Yuu got off and Touko changed and drove back in the opposite direction. They waited together for the train. Visibly reluctantly, both released their hands when the departure announcement sounded on the platform. Yuu watched the departing train for a while longer, then she quickly took the steps down to the street and headed home elatedly. A small part of her knew that she wouldn't be seeing Touko again for a while. On Sunday both took care of the household, prepared for the coming week, went over the material of the last one again. Then during the week of college, work, study and project groups, the theater group, research, there was hardly enough time for the short phone calls they made every now and then before they fell asleep. Saturday was family day. She knew all this, but the last day and the last night still prevailed. They both hadn't spent that much time together for a long time and that Touko's parents had accepted them both so willingly, she could be blamed for the fact that the dream of being able to live with Touko had come a good deal closer to her heart beat faster or could she? Rei might have suggested that the two of them should just move in together and tell their parents that they were just friends and then tell them at some point that their time together had grown into something more, but she had firmly rejected that.
When Rei suggested it, she declined with the reason that she didn't want to betray her mother, and while that was true, there was a second reason that she just couldn't put into words at that time. It was one thing not to live out their relationship as openly as other couples did. The society could be overly judgmental, and they both could both forego the gossip and become someone's fetish. Especially Touko, whose dream was the theater, could end up seeing her dream ruined way before her career had really started. Yuu herself didn't particularly like this discretion, since the charm of this game of hide-and-seek, of this secret that connected them both, had long since expired for her, but she understood the necessity. Her family, on the other hand, was a different matter entirely. Hiding the relationship from her friends already felt wrong, but denying Touko to her parents? No way!

Family was home and isn't home basically the place where you can be yourself and still be loved, no matter what? Without a doubt, Touko had long since become a piece of home for her and she would never give up on that piece. Wouldn't it be nice if Yuu's family wanted Touko to be as much a home as Touko's parents were willing to try to be? Sure, it certainly wasn't as frank as the two had been, they would all need time to get used to each other, but the fact that they were all willing to take a chance showed that it would eventually work out, even if it might take weeks or even months, right? With the exception of her father, it had taken her own family some time to get used to Hiro-kun and he had already been her sister's childhood friend. Nevertheless, friendship and love were still two completely different things.
Yes, it was true that love made people insatiable. A few weeks ago it was enough for her to dream of a future together with Touko under the same roof, maybe already during their college days, maybe sometime after, but in the here and now she was tired of waiting, she didn't want to dream any longer, sometime wasn't good enough anymore, she wanted this future now, wanted to give in to Touko's urge for a shared apartment and she wanted her parents' consent for it. Do I want too much at once? I don't or do I? If Touko's parents could live with that, why shouldn't mine, too? Rei was a bit more skeptical, but at the same time encouraged her and assured her that she would support them. Her father tried to appear strict, but so far he hadn't been able to refuse anything to his daughters. Grandma was a storybook family man and very keen on peace among each another. Which ultimately meant that she had never opposed her mother. Yuu sighed softly. Her mother was the real hurdle to take. Although it had always been her father who showed clear rejection whenever Rei had teased her about having a secret lover, her mother had never slowed him down or contradicted him, but rather encouraged him with her quiet manner. But showing them how serious we are matters here, doesn't it? Also, they had all already met Touko and had been quite fond of her. At least enough to warn me not to speak ill of her. It was worth to give it a shot. Touko was worth every shot. With that in mind, she walked into the bookstore and occupied the post behind the cash register, changing shifts with her grandmother.

Did she push it too far? Had she expected too much, hoped for too much? Sure, the reaction from Touko's parents had spurred her on. It might have been obvious to her father that the situation was uncomfortable for him, or at least strange enough that he had to get used to it, but he had tried not to make her feel that she was unwanted. Hadn't he explicitly asked her to be good to his daughter, to take good care of her? At no time had he tried to stand in the way of his daughter's happiness. Was it really that unrealistic to assume that her parents would allow her this small piece of happiness in her life?
She had pondered that question long after that fateful day when she introduced her to her parents. Rei had helped her arrange the whole thing, after all her parents already knew Touko, so it was too late for an informal round of introductions. A few years too late to be precise. Yuu herself hadn't really known how to tell her mother that she and Touko wanted to speak to her without tipping her of while asking, so she was grateful that her sister had done it. According to Rei, her parents expected her to be wanting to move out and live with Touko, which was kind of true, and they both wanted them to know. Rei had been eavesdropping a little and as far as she could tell her parents weren't opposing it. Although they were worried about the future of the shop, they also had to accept that their little bird had fledged and that she didn't want to live alone was reassuring. Especially since they'd known Touko as a polite and responsible senpai and considered her to be good company. Also, a two-bed apartment would be significantly cheaper, which was not the decisive point, but a point after all. In short, her parents were quite in favor of the two sharing an apartment. Of course, they didn't know then that they weren't just old school friends, they were lovers.
Nevertheless, from Yuu's side she had done what was possible to tell them as gently as possible. She still hadn't expected their reaction. She remembered only too well, the seven of them sitting at the large dining room table.

"Mom, Dad, we've got something to tell." How her mother had shyly smiled at her. It's now or never! "We love each other."
That moment when her mother's smile froze, her father's jaw dropped and her grandmother choked on her tea, her parents slowly putting down their cups, her mother adjusting her glasses and giving her a crooked smile. "I'm sorry... I don't understand?"
How she gripped Touko's hand firmly on the table and tried again. "We are lovers. She loves me and I love her."
Touko, smiling at her shyly, but also the rising fear in her eyes and the slight trembling of her lower lip. Yuu looked back at her mother, who scrutinized her daughter briefly, a quick glance at Rei, who once nodded gently, no, that was no joke, the moment when the atmosphere dropped, when her father grew paler and paler in total contrast to her mother's, which gained color instead. Hands clenched into fists on the table, her mother looked at Touko with barely held-back resent.
"Nanami-san? Get out of my house."
"Mom!", Yuu and Rei said at almost the same time. The cold look her mother gave her sent a shiver down her spine.
"We'll talk later. Go to your room."
"She's not 12 anymore." Rei protested.
Her mother looked over at her. "Then she shouldn't behave like that either."
"Don't you think you're overreacting?" Her friend nodded once at Rei's words.
"What are you interfering with now anyway?" Yuu's mother snapped at the two.
"It's not just your house!" Yuu blurted out. Both her grandmother and her father avoided her gaze. So that's how it is.
"I won't repeat myself," her mother said firmly. Yuu's gaze went down to her hand, which Touko was just pulling away from, then to her in panic. Touko smiled bravely at her, although there was a deep sadness in her eyes that made Yuu's chest tighten.
"I think I should go. Thanks for the tea."
Yuu's eyes went to father and grandmother again. "Don't you have anything to say about that?" She hated to admit that to herself, but the silence between them hurt. Rei just shook her head.
"We tried." Touko whispered softly, forcing a brave smile. No way! That's not how it ends!
Yuu tried to grab her hand again, but she pulled it away from her. "Trust me, it's better this way," Touko said weakly. The look in her sad eyes finally broke Yuu's heart. She wanted to follow her into the hallway and at least say goodbye, but her legs gave out as her vision blurred. The clatter of shoes that Touko put on was quickly followed by the sound of the front door closing quietly behind her.
"Yuu?" With her teary face, she looked slowly at her sister. "Will you leave us alone for a moment? Please?"
She could see Hiro-kun shrinking a bit. He knew all too well that her sister was a fighter and what it meant when her voice became so calm and emotionless, but at that moment she couldn't think straight herself. She wiped her face with her right sleeve, nodded weakly, got up and shuffled up the stairs to her room, closing the door behind her and throwing herself onto her bed. She crawled under the covers, covered her ears and cried into the pillow. The quarrel below had not been overheard, however.
"Great job, now you've made her cry! I hope you're proud of yourself!""
"Why am I the bad guy here now? This person comes into my house and puts such nonsense in my daughter's head, but I'm supposed be the villainess here?"

"This person has a name! Touko Nanami and she's been very important to Yuu for years!"
"She's just a teenage crush! She'll get over it, she's not a little kid anymore!"
"Then don't treat her like a small child who is sent to bed without supper and at least try to take her feelings seriously for once! How are you supposed to proceed now, do you want to lock her in her room until the end of her life or what do you want prevent the two from seeing each other again?"
"That's enough, young lady! I don't tolerate that tone of voice in my house!"
"My house, my house, all I'm hearing is my house! Do you actually listen to yourself talking? Say right away that Yuu is no longer welcome here!"
"I won't let you put words in my mouth just because I don't want smut like that in my house!"
"Smut? Ah I see. Your house, your family, your rules! But Yuu isn't your property, she's your daughter!"
"Rei! A little more respect for your mother!"
"You stay out of that, dad! In the first act of the play, in which your daughter needed you, you caved and refused to take a role that comes with dialogue. Don't you dare starting to talk in the second act now!"
"May I say something about that?" Hiro's calm voice was in complete contrast to the two bickering furies. Perhaps that was what threw them both off their tracks long enough for the brief pause it took for him. "I'm not entirely sure right now what you three expect from Yuu in the first place. She wanted to come clean because she wants to move in with her friend. Something you would have allowed while you still thought the two of them were just friends. "
"What's your point?" asked the father calmly.
"My point is that it must seem to her as if it would have been better for her and you would have preferred it if she had been dishonest with you and kept her love a secret. Is that what you want to teach her?"
"Don't get me started on you, too!" The mother's voice grew louder again.
"Be careful who you're yelling at!", Rei warned her, also raising her voice again.
Her mother spread her arms. "Isn't that wonderful? The whole family sits here and bickers at each other and all because of this filthy l..."
"Don't you dare saying it!"
"Why not, can anyone in this household not take the truth?"
Rei's reply was interrupted by the heavy pounding of Yuu's feet rushing down the stairs, past the five of them, and into the hallway, where they slipped on their street shoes.
"Yuu, wait!", Rei called, but then she heard the front door slam shut. Her gaze went around. Nobody moved. Pathetic.
"Hiro, we're going. This is pointless."

He rose and nodded. "I think it's better for everyone if tempers settle down a bit. Goodbye."
"Hurry up.", Rei urged, already putting on her shoes, clutching her coat and bag. She looked around outside. She couldn't see Yuu anymore, her bike was still in its stand, so she was on foot. She knew of some of Yuu's favorite places around here, but she rather assumed that she was on her way to the train station. Even if not, she should rule that one out first before looking elsewhere. She couldn't have gotten that far yet. If only...
Her gaze went to the front door when it opened and Hiro stepped out. "Now hurry up a little," she grumbled, unlocking her car with the key and locking it again right away. At that time, the two blocks to the Toomi station were easier to walk on foot. Cursing herself internally for not having put on more practical shoes, she grabbed Hiro's arm and started walking. He seemed to know where she was going. The quick stride of his longer legs forced her to increase the pace as well, but that's exactly why she had taken his arm in the first place. The thought that the three of them had made Yuu run away crying while they were now sitting at the table, probably blaming Nanami-chan for everything, quickened their steps. As she walked, she texted Yuu, "Please let's talk." She didn't know whether Yuu would read them in time or whether she even took her smartphone with her. After all, she'd left in a hurry.
They quickly took the steps up to the platform. The advantage of a ring line was that she didn't have to know exactly where Yuu was going, there were only two options, downtown or in the opposite direction. She was pretty sure that Touko lived near the college, so she'd be heading downtown, but just to be on the safe side, she and Hiro split up to search the two platforms of the station. The train bound for downtown was ready to go, should she get on or not? Yuu had a lead, albeit not a huge one, so chances were she was on that train. Her phone vibrated, she pulled it out and looked at it. A message from Yuu: "Tomorrow."
The doors closed before her eyes. Please step back. She stamped her feet as the train left without her. Her gaze went to the passing windows. In the second-last wagon, she could see her sister clutching her backpack with the small ray tag attached to it. Oh Yuu!

With her eyes closed, Touko leaned against the door of her apartment and rubbed her forehead with the back of her right hand. She had calmed down for the most part, but she had to press her lips together tightly to keep them from trembling. She hadn't wanted to leave Yuu alone, but she also saw no options what she could have done and as long as she was present as the target of anger, tempers would not have calmed down. Still, she felt like she had let Yuu down when she needed her the most and that thought hurt. A lot.
Especially since she had to admit that she didn't want to be alone now either. She had never been good at dealing with rejection. Her left hand clutched her phone. If she couldn't feel, smell or taste Yuu right now, then she at least wanted to hear the sound of her voice, her directness and openness, which had always had such a calming and soothing effect on her that just listening to her was enough , to let all the big and small worries and fears fall away from her like the autumn leaves from the trees. Even so, she hesitated to call her. What if Yuu's mother was telling her daughter off? Wouldn't she make things a lot worse for her by calling? She sobbed softly. Please Yuu, please call me.
She slowly pulled out the phone, unlocked it and looked at it. No missed calls but a new message. From Yuu! Her heart was beating wildly.

Ingoing: Where are you now?

She typed her answer:

Outgoing: Home.

Ingoing: parents or apartment?

Outgoing: Apartment. Can I call you?

Ingoing: Yes. 😊

Oh Yuu. She glanced at the swivel chair, that's a no, flopped down on the bed, clutched the pillow tight to her chest and picked Yuu's contact. It rang just twice before Yuu answered.
"Hey you."
"Hey." Yuu's voice sounded hoarse. She had cried or was close to tears.
"Are you fine?" The question seemed silly to Touko herself, but somehow she didn't quite know what she could say, what she should be saying.
"No. How about you?"
"Neither."
In the ensuing pause her eyes filled with tears again. She hugged the big pillow even tighter. She wanted to tell her that everything will be fine, to ask her how things are going from now on, but she couldn't. She was afraid. Crippling Fear.
She could hear footsteps in the background. "I love you." Yuu's voice sounded weak and sad, so completely different than usual, and yet this voice, these words were all she wanted to hear now.
"I love you too Yuu."

"Do you still want to live with me?"
Yes! Yes, yes, yes, dammit! She inhaled sharply, snuffing up the snot in her nose. "I want to. I really do." she answered as calmly as she could at the moment.
A short pause followed. "I'll be right there."
What? She looked around the room in a panic. She hadn't come to clean up this week. Since she hardly had time for visitors or anything besides her studies and the theater, she wasn't prepared for this. Why am I even concerned about this now?
"What do you mean by right there?" she asked cautiously.
"Signing me in to the porter."
Uh-oh! It was too late to wash the dishes., she thought, annoyed with herself. For vacuuming and dusting too. Washing and new make-up anyway. She quickly put some order in the books and notes on the desk, then there was a knock at the door. Oh my!
She put the phone down on the table and rushed to the door. As soon as she had opened it, Yuu burst in, hung up the phone call while putting it away and hugged her neck to kiss her stormily. She could hear the soft clatter as Yuu took off her shoes with her feet while still kissing. She pulled away with a soft smack and looked into her eyes.
"Your mascara is a mess.", Yuu stated calmly, dug a handkerchief out of her trouser pocket, licked a tip and wiped under and over her eyes with it.
Touko let her do it with a weak smile. "Maybe it shouldn't have applied at all, huh?" she said softly.
Yuu stretched a bit more to blow a kiss on her right eyelid, which made Touko smile even more, then she staggered backwards when Yuu pushed her purposefully further into the room.
"Hey, what...", she objected, laughing, but Yuu had already sealed her mouth with a smacking French kiss. … are you up to?
She could feel Yuu's hands fumbling on her blouse, her always a little cold hands on her stomach, when she stumbled against the bed and Yuu guided backwards onto it with a jerky push. She barely had time to recover from her surprise when Yuu had already pounced on her.
"Wait..."

Yuu didn't feel like waiting. "Sleep with me.", she whispered into Touko's left ear. As soon as she said it, she caught Touko's earlobe with her lips and began to nibble on it softly.
Touko moaned once and squirmed beneath her. "Yuu, no..."
Yuu's hands went back under Touko's blouse to her stomach and from there purposefully higher.
Touko narrowed his eyes tightly, grabbed Yuu's shoulders and pushed her away. "Stop it!"
Yuu, now sitting on her, looked at her in surprise and hurt. "Don't you want me, too?" Tears welled up in Yuu's eyes again and Touko had to pull herself together not to pull her down and into her arms. She didn't know if she would have the willpower to reject her again.
Touko took a few deep breaths. She wasn't quite sure what exactly she wanted to say, and yet, as she began to speak, the words just bubbled out of her: "I love you and I desire you and I wish for nothing more than being loved by you and to be desired, but that, that right now, that's just not you. Not really. What's gotten into you?"
Yuu looked at her perplexed for a few moments before she finally burst into tears. Touko slowly straightened her upper body, wrapped her arms around her and slowly let her sink back onto the bed. She could feel Yuu's tears soaking her blouse and bra underneath, but she just kept holding her, stroking her messy hair while Yuu buried her face in her chest. It was ok Everything would be fine. She whispered that to her over and over again.
It took a few minutes for Yuu's shoulders to stop shaking and for the last tears to dry. Unsure, Yuu looked up at Touko, who smiled at her encouragingly. "Can I stay here tonight?" she asked tentatively.

That would cause trouble. The dorm's rules regarding overnight stays were very strict, and misconduct could get you out of your lease., Touko thought to herself. But after all, they were both women, if she was a boy, the dorm would have thrown them right out the door. She hated that this society couldn't imagine that there was anything more than friendship between two women, but if these double standards played into her hands for once, why not taking advantage of them? She would apologize a thousand times tomorrow and tell the management that they both lost track of time and therefore missed the last train. They'd blame her for that irresponsibility, but that's about it. She could handle that.
"Of course my love." She stroked her cheek. "Would you like to freshen up in the bathroom? I'll look for something to wear for you."

"Don't want to get up.", came the whining answer when she was already sagging down. Touko wrapped her arms around her.
"Is okay." Neither of them said a word for a long time. "Are you already sleeping?"
"No."
"Well then, what now? What's next?"
"Let's move in together as planned."
"Mh-hm. The plan was that your parents should at least not stand in our way. We can forget about the dorm that way."
"Own apartment is better anyway."
"But also more expensive. My parents support us, also financially, but..."
"I'll look for a job. A real one. Assistant in a publishing company maybe?"
"That's a full-time job, Yuu. What about your studies then?"
"It'll be considered as an internship."
"I did some research. And I'll bet you did too. Few positions, many applicants and in the end it's an internship, not a real job. Jack of all trades, all around the clock and poorly paid."
"Nevertheless, it doesn't hurt to learn things from scratch. If only because I don't want to become a publisher who takes advantage of her assistants."
"Nevertheless, will it be enough? In terms of money?"
"Straight-up, I won't be working part-time. But maybe I'll look for something else and save a little."
"And I should allow you to neglect your studies in order to work yourself to your death?" Touko sighed, stroked her hair and hugged her. "Oh Yuu." She wasn't quite sure what to say, but she knew the feeling rising in her chest. It was fear. "We don't have to decide that right away." She relented. "We're both upset. And hurt."
"Just hold me."

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Touko looked down at the sleeping Yuu. So peaceful. Her gaze wandered over Yuu's upper body and arms, the sleeves of her pajamas that were too long and reached up to her fingertips. Until recently she had liked that cute look, but right now Yuu just appeared vulnerable to her. Lonely and lost.
During the evening, which they had spent cuddling together until Yuu's eyelids couldn't conceal her tiredness anymore, Yuu had emphasized again and again that she still wanted to move in with Touko nevertheless, but exactly that, this nevertheless bothered Touko, even if everything in her was delighted, almost enthusiastic. She loved Yuu, from the bottom of her heart, so much that it was difficult for her to put it into words and she couldn't imagine anything nicer than starting a new family of her own with her under one roof, and yet it was there, something in the back of her heart and mind that made her cringe. It wasn't cold feet, she was, well, pretty sure of that, but it was a form of fear creeping up on her.
When the two of them met, she had been downright opportunistic towards Yuu. She hadn't taken advantage of her, not really, at least she had never forced her to do anything that Yuu didn't want deep down as much as she did. However, she had hardly taken Yuu and her feelings into consideration, she had enjoyed what Yuu offered her: The time they'd spent together, the hugs and kisses, without worrying if it was what Yuu wanted. No, want is the wrong word here, Yuu enjoyed the time and the caresses they shared as much as she did. Need. Neither of them had considered what Yuu needed to be happy, to be able to be herself. In hindsight, Touko felt ashamed for having thought about not overtaxing Yuu, not using up her kindness and helpfulness so completely that Yuu would break, but if she was honest with herself, then she had to admit that it was for her own's sake, not for Yuu's, out of fear of losing Yuu. She hadn't been a good friend, nor a good senpai, nor a good lover at the time and no matter how many times she had apologized to Yuu, no matter how many times Yuu had assured her that it was okay the way it had been, that she wouldn't have dared to confess her love to Touko if she hadn't repeatedly showered her with tenderness and vows of love: Touko felt guilty. Dirty. She never wanted to do that to her again.

That's why she was sitting on the bed right now instead of snuggling up to her, waiting for sleep to come, instead of staring at the display of her smartphone. She knew she wanted to move in with Yuu and she knew Yuu wanted the same thing. What she didn't know was if that was what Yuu needed, too. She also didn't know from whom exactly to seek advice from, so she picked the first number that came to her mind whenever she was lost before and sent the message after a moment's hesitation.

"Sacchan! I'm done in the bathroom, it's all yours." Haru's cheerful voice filled the room while she dried her hair with the small towel. The nickname had already earned her many questioningly raised eyebrows, but the more it seemed to irritate Sayaka, the more Haru used it. As she said others would only call her Sayaka-chan, Saya-chan or Saa-chan, while Sacchan might sound more like a Sachiko than a Sayaka, but that's why the nickname was all hers and she liked that thought. Yes, she had to put up with the accusation of being a little possessive. Not that I would mind.
Sitting cross-legged on the couch, Sayaka smiled dreamily at her in the shorts and short top that Haru usually wore in bed. She herself had already put on her pajamas. When Haru noticed her looks, she approached her with a grin, swinging her hips, leaned down and whispered conspiratorially:
"What are you grinning like that for? Do you see something you like?"
"Yes, yes, but unfortunately you're blocking my view.", Sayaka replied teasingly, which earned her an indignant "phew!" and a playful swipe of the towel on her upper right arm. Still grinning, she grabbed Haru's chin and kissed her gently on the mouth.
"Much better.", Haru piped contentedly, before she hopped onto the couch, hooked her arm and snuggled up to Sayaka's side.
Her gaze fell to the phone in Sayaka's hands, then up to her renewed seriousness.
"What's going on?" Haru asked worried.
"A friend, no, my best friend from high school..." Haru frowned. Sayaka sighed and handed her the phone. "It's best to read for yourself."
Haru took it and scanned the messages. "Touko, huh? The Touko? Your first love?" Well, the skepticism in Haru-chan's voice was probably more than justified.
Sayaka smiled apologetically. "Actually, the second. I hardly count the first."
"You never told me much about your first love, so it couldn't have been all lovey-dovey. Why not?"
"I suppose beeecause... because she's a dope who just played with me and then dropped me like a hot potato when she finished playing. And because she's ashamed of me and that I really love you and really want to be with you instead of just playing a little married couple." She gave Haru a quick kiss on the cheek.
"Nice save. And Touko?"

"She was my crush all throughout high school. But she loved someone else."
Haru pouted. Sayaka leaned over to kiss her long and gently on the lips. "I'm not a high school student anymore. I love you," she whispered softly.
Haru looked at her for a few more moments with a tight pout, then her face cleared and she nodded once. "I sure hope so. And I love you too. Nevertheless, when I read this, I get a little jealous.", she admitted a little sheepishly, while her cheeks reddened slightly.
"A little bit is fine." Sayaka replied kissing her gently again. "It's one of the things I like about you. It shows me that you don't want to let me go." She pursed her lips, glanced at the display, then made eye contact. "If you prefer it, I'll cancel it."
"Is that so?" Haru met her gaze.
"In the end..." Sayaka's voice cracked. "...the point is that Koito-san's parents don't tolerate their relationship, what do I have to say about that? I mean, we also haven't told my parents yet, as far as they're concerned, we are just two girls who share the kitchen, bathroom and rent. They don't know anything about a shared bed."
"True. But I know you. You already have something on your mind, don't you?"
Sayaka sighed softly, then she nodded. "I know of someone she could turn to." She stopped. "But anyway, if you don't like it, then I won't do it." She hastily added.
"Huh?" Haru pursed her lips as she considered. "I think you could, but that wouldn't suit you. I only know you as the helpful one, not only towards friends. I think it would be wrong to ask you to let her down. But I'm jealous anyway!"
"I'm sorry." Sayaka kissed her cheek again. "Would you accept an invitation to the best pancakes in town as an apology? I know a nice little café there."
Haru looked at her with wide eyes and Sayaka had to smile inwardly. Haru loved sweets, but at the same time was always worried that she might gain weight, no matter how many times Sayaka had stroked and kissed her sweet little tummy and assured her how attractive she found it.
"Does that pancake come with a milkshake, too?" Haru begged with a puppy dog look that made even those who barely knew her quickly switch to Haru-chan and made Sayaka struggle to keep from laughing out loud. Yes, bribing Haru-chan with sweets still worked, and her almost childishly innocent delight in giving in to such a blunt bribe was one of the things Sayaka loved about her.

"As many as you like. With cocoa powder and chocolate chips on top."
"You're the best!" Haru threw her arms around her neck so violently that both of them fell over in the kiss and lay laughing, having to hold on to each other to avoid falling off the couch.
"Little sweet tooth." Sayaka teased, then with a serious expression: "I love you."
"I love you too."
Haru ran her index finger down to her breastbone. "So now that that's settled: Off to the bathroom with you. And after all this talk about sweets, love and bed sharing, don't make me wait too long, okay?"
Sayaka stroked her cheek and looked into her eyes with a dreamy smile. The relationship with Haru was so very different from what she'd been sharing with Touko. Touko had always been an ideal for her, someone to look up to, emulate and adore, but that had always made Touko, no matter how close they might have been, a bit unattainable and the relationship they shared was no more than a platonic friendship. Haru-chan, on the other hand, was far from being a model student. Not a problem child, at least not most of the time, but not someone she would look up to because of her academic enthusiasm. In contrast to Touko from her school days, who often seemed distant and reserved, she was an almost open book, happy, passionate and the relationship with her was extremely physical. In a certain way, Haru and dealing with her were easy-knit, but Sayaka found that, even if at first to her own surprise, to be deeply calming and pleasant. She would probably never put her on the same pedestal she put Touko on, a pedestal ironically beyond her reach, but that's why she was able to experience the relationship with her in a completely different way, to enjoy it in a completely different way than with Touko and when she listened to herself in moments like these, moments when her heart was pounding wildly with happiness and anticipation, then she could be absolutely sure: She loved Haru. From the bottom of her heart. She looked up to her, not because of her grades or her student council work, but simply because she was Haru. She was happy and the relationship with her just did her good. That's supposedly the meaning of needing someone. Having someone you never want to let go. Their love was young and still had plenty of room to grow, but with her by their side, she felt like there was no obstacle they couldn't overcome together.

Touko looked up at the café's facade somewhat doubtfully. It was a fitting place to meet Sayaka, as they had met here frequently during their high school years, albeit mostly to work on the play they were putting on. Back then, however, the café was also much quieter, even if it became a bit slower in the evening hours.
Yuu was just meeting up with her sister and her boyfriend downtown, which was good enough to calm things down. This was fine with her, she didn't want Yuu here for her own good, even if it felt strange to visit this place without her. She took another deep breath, then entered.
At first glance, there were still a dozen guests in the café itself. Not much, but considering that there used to be no more at peak times, it's quite an indication that the place was running well.
Sayaka and Haru were sitting at one of the window tables. Sayaka waved at Touko, got up and walked over to her.
"Long time no see."
Apologies. "Thanks for coming." Touko replied with an apologetic smile. "I see you brought your girlfriend with you."
"Yes. Got a date right now." Touko's forehead creased. "Don't worry.", Sayaka followed quickly. "You're not disturbing me. In fact, I'd like to introduce you to someone."
Sayaka looked at the counter. Touko followed her gaze. "The operator?" Touko asked in disbelief.
"So to speak. Do you remember that she is a college friend of Riko-sensei?"
No. So of herself yes, but not of her relationship with Hakozaki-sensei, whom most had called Riko-sensei by her first name, although she disapproved of it. As a modern Japanese teacher, she was probably even more keen on good behavior than her peers.
Touko looked questioningly at Sayaka, who smiled apologetically at her. "Sorry Touko, but I don't think I can tell you anything on the subject that you don't already know yourself. But trust me, Riko-sensei is the right person for this and she has agreed to meet you here. The operator was kind enough to reserve the top floor for you."
Sayaka smiled towards the counter and earned a slight wave with his right hand.
She looked back towards Touko a little unsure. "I hope that's okay?"
"How much does Hakozaki-sensei know?" Touko asked cautiously.

"Everything important." Touko looked at her in amazement. "Trust me. She's the right person for this, she understands that. Or should I have told her that a senpai is worried about her kouhai's family dispute, which she has nothing to do with?"
Touko still looked unhappy. "Look at it this way: She knows and still wants to help.", Sayaka added. Then a little quieter: "Are you mad at me about that?"
"No, I..." Touko stopped herself. "I guess I'm just a little surprised."
"Trust me."
"Okay." Touko managed a smile. Ultimately, Sayaka had a point. Beating around the bush only led to misunderstandings and not only she was overwhelmed by the situation, but also Sayaka. Admitting that instead of making wisecracks was a sign of greatness and maturity, both of which she needed right now. "Sayaka?"
"Yes?"
"Thank you that I can still count on you." She smiled a little embarrassed. "Almost like old times, huh?"
Sayaka laughed softly. "What can I say? I guess I'm just the reliable type of lass."
"And I'm still very grateful to you for that. Okay, I'll wait for Hakozaki-sensei then."
"Give her my regards. And good luck. If anything happens, Haru and I want to stay a little longer."
"Thanks Sayaka. And have fun on your date."
"Yes, yes, we will and now hush, stop stalling. My girl gets jealous easily and waiting isn't her cup of tea at all." With that and a smug grin, she walked back to her table.
Still a little unsure, Touko walked over to the counter. The café operator greeted them with a warm smile.
"Welcome. You must be Nanami-san."
"Er, yeah. Sorry, but I don't even know your name."
"Me? I'm Miyako Kodama. Glad to see you girls again, you used to be one of my most loyal guests. Riko's a little late. How about a coffee while it lasts? No sugar, two dashes of cream, right? "
Touko looked up in surprise, but then smiled. There was something soothing about her casual manner. "That's right. Impressive, that you could remember something like that..."
"Oh, what kind of manager would I be if I didn't know my guests' preferences?" She winked at her.
"Well anyway, thanks for letting us use the top floor. That's really no bother?"
Miyako looked at her from the coffee machine and pushed a single strand back behind her right ear. So that's her, the heartbreaker Sayaka was raving about to me back then. She seems less cold and distant than from my first impression at the sports festival.
Miyako glanced at the spiral staircase that led upstairs. "Oh that? Don't worry, the new movies are coming to the cinema tonight, so the young people prefer to go to a café in the city center. It's never busy here and from what I've heard, you'd prefer a quiet atmosphere anyway."
Touko winced. "What exactly did you hear?" she asked quietly.
"This and that." Miyako studied her for a while. "Don't worry, all sorts of guests tell me their stories, big and small ones, and I listen to them and sometimes give them advice. My guests wouldn't come back if I peddled it though. My lips are sealed."
"Are you always this blunt?"
"I think so." Miyako gave her a disarming smile. "My guests come for a variety of reasons. Because they want a little peace and quiet from their daily routine, for dates, to talk or even just because they want to treat themselves a little, but they all prefer a casual, family-like atmosphere that I'm glad to offer. I want them to feel welcome as guests. It probably sounds a bit pompous when you put it that way, doesn't it?"
Touko sipped her coffee. "I think that sounds wonderful. Pleasant."
"Thank you." Miyako gave her another smile and Touko understood what she meant. The warm feeling inside her came not only from the coffee, but also from the informality with which this total stranger told her about her dreams and ambitions.
Miyako's smile widened a little and her eyes stole a brief twinkle just before she closed them and bowed her head.
"Welcome."
"Good evening. Sorry for the delay, Nara-sensei didn't spare us again today.", Hakozaki-sensei gasped audibly out of breath.
Miyako smirked inwardly. Riko was still as unsportsmanlike as ever, despite of her slim stature.
A shiver ran down Touko's spine. Nara-sensei was the principal of the theater company she joined after performing at the high school festival. To say that she was strict with her actors was an understatement, she was a hawk and her keen eyes and alert ears caught even the slightest detail, every change in voice, every gesture, every little flaw in costume or bearing, in short, every little thing, no matter how small, which from her point of view detracted from the performance. She had them all rehearse again and again until she was satisfied with the result. She wasn't spiteful or anything like that, she didn't scold them, not really, she was in control of herself like she was in control of the play but that's exactly the point, she was a total control-freak and she had her way of always pushing them to their limits with her stage directions and reprimands packaged as encouragement for a better performance. Accordingly, she could sympathize with Hakozaki-sensei.
"Good evening Hakozaki-sensei.", Touko replied politely distant.
"I'm not your teacher anymore, and you're not a high school student anymore. Hakozaki-san or Hakozaki will suffice. For the sake of it, Riko too, as long as it doesn't become a habit. Shall we?"
"How about the two of you ordering down here and I'll bring everything up for you? Clearly you don't want to be disturbed."

"What do you think of this one?" Yuu grabbed a sky blue lace-trimmed bra from the display and held it up.
Rei took a quick look around the underwear boutique again, then to the item shown. "Well, I guess you can't go wrong with white and black, but blue just isn't your color. The more pressing question, however, is why are we meeting here? Do you really just want my opinion on your underwear taste?"
"I already have white and Touko wears black. Feels like I'm emulating her. Besides, she looks better in black. Me? It makes me look too skinny."
"Depends on the cut."
"Yeah, but I like to wear light-colored tops, so black isn't always advantageous."
"Seriously, Yuu: What's this about?"
Yuu looked at her. "Only couples and women here. It's a good place to talk. Also, I really want your opinion, which ones would suit me."
"Wouldn't Touko be better suited to judge that?"
"Probably, but then it's no longer a surprise. Please help me, most of the ones I have are too girly with their floral patterns and stripes. I'd like to have a few that make me feel a little more mature. Feminine, but mature."
"Feminine, huh?" Rei's gaze swept over the display. "Something in candy colors maybe?"
"You mean something like that?" Yuu grabbed a hanger with a purple set, the sides stamped into an ornament.
Rei looked at the price tag, touched the fabric briefly and shook her head. "Poor quality. After three washes the purple is lilac at best. But the green ones next to it look good. Maybe a little too provocative for your liking?"
Yuu grabbed two and alternately held them in front of the shirt while Rei continued to look sideways at them. "How are mom, dad and grandma?" she asked so out of the blue that Rei had to catch herself first.
"You know grandma. She didn't like that we quarreled yesterday. But she didn't want to show anything and therefore withdrew early. Dad is still soft like a marshmallow. Didn't stop asking if he did something wrong in our parenting. Mom was super excited. Wanted to report you missing to the police but adult disagreements are none of their business and even if you were a minor they would wait 24 hours to see if you would return home by yourself before they do anything. You're coming back, aren't you?"
"Dunno. Yet."

"Think about it, mom is going batshit crazy. Had to stop her from calling all the Nanamis in town yesterday and asking if they had a daughter going by the name Touko. She really wanted me to give her Touko's address or her parents'. As if I knew. Well, today she almost followed me when she heard we were meeting. Dad had to tie her up because she didn't want to understand that there wouldn't be a meeting with her in tow. Seriously, Yuu, she is very worried about you. Do you think she would be worried if she didn't love you?"
The look Yuu gave her could only be described as hard and cold. "If she did, she wouldn't hate who I love. She's probably just hoping, with enough nurturing, that her daughter doesn't end up being one of those."
Rei briefly closed her eyes. She guessed the answer to her next question. "A what?"
"A fil ..."
"Alright. Got it." Rei raised her hands and smiled wryly. "Sorry, I was hoping that you overheard that part."
"Well, with your eyes closed you're not much help here."
Ray blinked. The first thing she saw were the two very tight pieces that Yuu held out to her. "Too daring." The smile softened a little, but was still far from natural. "It's just not you. You need a more classic cut in bright colors."
"Maybe I feel like reinventing myself?"
"Okay, sold, but it still looks cheap. Do you want to make Touko happy or worried?"
"Good point." Yuu walked a few steps further to a display in different shades of red.
"How are you actually?" Rei asked cautiously.
"Me? Fine, I guess. My family hates my sweetheart and my family hates me for loving her, but everything else is fine."
"Hey, not fair. Not your whole family. They don't hate you, Yuu. And cynicism doesn't suit you."
"I'm just stating the facts. Seriously, they exceeded my worst fears and I cried a lot about it yesterday, but I realized something when I woke up this morning."
"In fact?"
"I told them and now I can't take it back. It's out and no matter how they reacted, it's a good feeling. There's no point crying about spilled milk, I can't change it anyway. What's done is done and now I can only look ahead. Water under the bridge, right?"
"That simple? I doubt that that river runs that fast. You do realize what you're saying, don't you?"
"Clearly. I would have liked to have kept them all in my life, but if that's not possible, if they force me to choose between them and Touko, then I will always and without a moment's hesitation choose Touko. Me I don't want to lose her for anything in the world, and if that's the price to be with her, I'll pay it."
"Huh. And what's Touko to say in all of this?"

Yuu looked at her in disbelief. "What do you think? She's deeply hurt. She needs no less harmony than grandma, yesterday was hard for her and I'm grateful that she didn't stay long enough for the argument between you and mother. Nevertheless, she has a lot to deal with first. She's seeing someone right now."
"Whom?"
"She didn't say. Just asked my permission and since we both wanted to meet up anyway..."
"And you don't mind?"
Yuu lowered his arms. "Yes. But I understand that she also wants to talk to others about it. Even if I want to be there for her. It's one of the things I'm blaming on mother."
"I can't blame you. But that also means that you won't come back home for the time being. What's next? Where will you stay?"
"We still want to move in together." Yuu smiled pensively.
Finally. And here I was afraid that she would have lost her smile completely.

"Okay, but not in a day's work. Where will you stay until things sort out?"
Yuu made a face. "We'll find something for a few days. Hotel, internet café..."
"Pricey. And if it takes longer than just a few days?" She paused for a moment, allowing Yuu to think about her words. "Why don't you move in with Hiro and me? We got space, would be happy and of course Touko would also be welcome if she wants to come visit you." Yuu looked at her thoughtfully. "Think about it, yeah?"
"I will. Oh, what do you think of this one?"

Touko sipped on her second coffee again. The little mountain of pancakes with the layers of wild berry cream in between were marvelous and Hakozaki-san, it still felt weird to call her like that, had clearly enjoyed her cake as well. During the meal they had talked about everything that she was recently doing, college, acting, some old stories about the devil in human form named Nara-sensei, just small talk. Riko put down her fork and folded her hands.
"Well, don't you think that we should get down to business? Why am I actually here?"
"How much did Kodama-san tell?"
"A lot, but to leave anything out, why don't you start over?"
Touko gave a long sigh. She was probably right. "So the short version: Yuu and I are a couple."
Riko nodded. "The chemistry between you two has always been right, still I have to admit that I'm surprised. Congratulations. Both of you."
"Thank you. We want to move in together and that's why we told our parents. Mine were very understanding. Yuu's less so."
"Sorry to hear that. Now what?"
"Thanks. Now? Well, nothing has changed for us. We still want to move in together."
"But...?"
"But I don't know if that would be right."
"Keep going.", Riko encouraged her.
Touko grabbed a strand of hair between thumb and forefinger and twirled it a bit. "We did our research beforehand. We could get a shared apartment in the dormitory as soon as one became available, but only with our parents' consent. And if it came out that we were a couple, we would lose them again. On the open market apartments are significantly more expensive. My parents would support us and Yuu said she could earn some extra money with mini jobs. She is currently working in her parents' bookstore, but she hardly earns more than a small allowance there. If she would work somewhere else during that time, that'd change."
"Go on.", Riko said with a faint smile into the emerging silence, while she in turn sipped on her coffee. Did she suspect or know that that wasn't the whole story?
"But her work is currently poorly paid, but also very flexible. Her parents would adapt her working time to her college schedule. If she works someplace else, she'd be the one who has to adapt, and if she doesn't like that, then there'd be plenty of others who'd be fine with it. She's studying publishing, she wants to publish books at some point. Above all, giving young writers a chance."
"That sounds nice. And helpful. Suits her."

"That's true, but I've done some research there, too. It's a highly competitive field. Lots of internships. If she falls behind because of work or needs more semesters than others, then she hardly has any chance of getting a job, ever. I've also done the math. I don't think a part-time job is enough. She says it doesn't matter that she'd also work full-time, as long as she can be by my side and support me, but..." Her voice broke when a lump formed in her throat.
"You're afraid of destroying her dreams.", Riko stepped in for her. "Let's take a look into the future. Let's say in five years. Yuu will still do the same job, but what about you? You want to be an actress, you have talent, charisma and a natural stage presence, even Nara-sensei says that and you know how difficult it is to impress her. You could go very far, but what if that dream doesn't come true? You'll be on stages, no question, but what if it's always just small stages with half-full halls "What if even in ten years from now on you'll still need Yuu to pay for the rent? If you're both still living in the small apartment from your college-time? Will it be enough for you, will you be content with your life as long as you have each other? Or will one of you gnaw at the fact that you can't offer the other one the life she wants, that you can't make her as happy as she deserves? Are you afraid that this could strain your relationship?"
Touko clenched her fists and nodded weakly. "Yes." She felt tears well up in her.
"I think you already have your answer, you just don't like it. Isn't it better to give up on the short happiness in the present instead of risking that there is no future together? I understand that you two want to be together, not only now, but also in five or even fifty years. If you don't have the slightest doubt that you'll always be together, than do whatever you like. But if there is even the slightest risk, you two should go asking yourselves, if that's really the best route."
Riko brought her cup to her lips again while looking at Touko. She nodded once determined.
"Thank you, Hakozaki-sensei."
"You're welcome. Come on, you two must have a lot to talk about. You don't have to stay seated for the sake of politeness."
Touko got up and fumbled for her wallet.
"It's okay, this one's on me."

"Thank you, Hakozaki-sensei. And goodbye."
"Goodbye, Nanami-san."
Riko waited a moment until she heard the familiar ringing of the bell in the door frame of the entrance, then she drank up, stacked plates and cups on top of each other and went downstairs with the dishes. The other guests had already left, only Miyako was still sitting on one of the stools at the counter and took the dishes from her.
"Thank you very much. How did it go? She looked pretty broken."
"She has a choice between a major evil and a minor evil. Nobody would be happy about that." Her eyes went to the front door. "Are you expecting more customers today?"
"Not really, no."
"Can you call it a day then? I want to go home and cuddle." Miyako looked at her with wide eyes. "What?"
"Nothing. It's just unusual for you to be so clear about what you want. I'm surprised. Pleasantly surprised."
"Is that a yes?"
"That's a: Yes, with the greatest pleasure, my love. And if the Emperor came dashing through this door now and wanted to dine here with his family, then I would put him down until tomorrow." Riko raised her left brow skeptically. "Okay, okay, I'll admit it: I'd be on my knees begging you for an hour."
"That sounds more like you. Well, I would make an exception for the imperial family. But only for them!"
"You're so good to me. Come on, let's go before the Emperor and his court arrive here."
"Miyako?"
"Yes?"
"When was the last time I told you that I love you?"
"Huh? I don't know? I don't exactly keep a diary about it." Something torment stole into Miyako's happy smile, just a faint hint, but enough not to be drowned out.
"Long enough that you don't spontaneously remember it, right?"
"Hm." She looked at Riko thoughtfully for a moment, then she nodded. "That's right."
"I love you, Miyako."
Instead of an answer, Miyako took Riko's face in both hands and kissed it long and passionately. She tasted bitter of coffee and cigarettes, but even though Riko had just eaten cake, it was the sweetest taste she could imagine.

Touko picked Yuu up in the waiting room. "I'm sorry, have you been waiting long?"
"No, I just arrived too. Maybe ten minutes before you?"
Touko breathed a sigh of relief. The porter, who hadn't let Yuu in while Touko wasn't there, gave her a sharp look, which was probably meant to remind her not to lose track of the time again. She crouched down a little and put on a guilty expression because that was probably the reaction he wanted to see, even if she didn't feel a bit sorry about the whole thing herself. Good use for acting experience.
When they got to the apartment, they both took off their shoes. Yuu started to say something, but Touko put a finger over her mouth.
"Let me go first, please." Yuu nodded and kissed the fingertip. Touko brought it to her own lips and kissed it as well.
"I realized something today," Touko began. "Namely how much I love you." Yuu tilted her head questioningly. "Erm, that sounded wrong now. What I'm trying to say is that for the first time I'm really aware that I don't just want to be with you today, but also in a year, in five or in fifty and that that won't play out as long as we're not both working on it. I want to be by your side forever, so..." She knelt down slowly, took hold of Yuu's left hand, slowly pulled it towards her, kissed the ring on her finger gently, then she took her hand in both hands and looked up at her. "I know it's not possible in our country, but if it were possible, Yuu, would you like to be my wife? The woman I love and will always love?"

Yuu looked at her with her mouth wide open. "I know we've talked about this before, but I think I've only now understood what that means: forever. That's why this is so difficult for me now. Not to ask you, the woman by my side to become bride, but to ask you to be patient with me, with us, our relationship, our dreams and desires. I want you by my side, but I want to be the one you deserve, the one not standing in the way of your own dreams, but granting you the wings to be able to reach them. So I'm asking you to not throw away your studies. Fulfill your dream of journalism and become the greatest publisher of all times. If that means , that I can't have you by my side the way I want for three years, then I'll take it upon myself if it means that after these years I can be totally yours, forever, no matter how difficult it may be for you or me: Please wait for me and be there for me when we are both really ready to start a life together, to start a family together."

Touko brought her hand a little closer and gently rubbed her cheek against it. With her eyes closed, she couldn't see Yuu kneeling down beside her, but she could feel her stroking her hair.
"Yes I do. I want to be your wife and wherever it may take you I will be there waiting for you." Yuu gently took Touko's head in both hands and leaned her forehead against Touko's. "My sister says that I can live with her and her boyfriend for the time being. I'll still go to work and earn some extra money, I don't want to be tolerated or fed through by either of them, but I'll put aside what's left for an apartment together. Maybe it's not three years, but only two or two and a half? Either way, I'm with you. I would never ask you to give up acting and you don't want to force me to give up anything for your sake. Promise me just one thing: Come visit me as often as possible."
"Promise! Oh Yuu."
They both wrapped their arms around each other and held each other tightly. The world they lived in wasn't always fair. There would always be occasions when, for their own good, they couldn't present themselves as the couple they were. There would always be colleagues, friends or even family members who would want to break them up. Maybe the world would change at some point and a love like theirs would learn to understand not as an affront, but only as one of many possibilities, but until then they could always count on one thing at least: That no one could take from them what they had, what they shared, as long as they didn't want him to, didn't allow him. They would laugh together, cry, probably argue, but most of all they would love each other. Forever. And no one could steal that away.

---

Finale

Moving in with her sister turned out to be surprisingly uncomplicated. At least Yuu had the impression that the two saw this coming, if not worked towards it as willingly as they were willing to accommodate her for more than a few days. Their apartment wasn't big, but they had a children's or guest room that neither of them used, which gave Yuu a little privacy, especially when Touko came to visit her. Occasionally she missed her family's old bookstore, as she read a wide variety of works and genres during her studies, instead of mainly the sci-fi and mystery stories that she had loved so much as a teenager. Touko spent much of her free time in the college's acting company while Yuu was working part-time at a grocery store. It didn't do much better than helping out in the family business, but every little bit brought them both closer to the dream of a home together.
To Yuu's surprise, her father came to visit her about four months later, and her grandmother six. Sitting across from them in the living room was kind of weird with Touko by their side, but her sister had drilled them right over the phone that they were only welcome if Touko was there too. Otherwise they could save themselves the ride directly. Their daughter or granddaughter would only come as a package with Touko, and if they didn't like that, they could stay in their own homes where Touko was not welcome. On that point, her sister remained stubborn like a she-bear who, despite the knowledge that she was about to get a whole bunch of stings, was still going to stick her paw in the beehive to steal some sweet honey, and Yuu was grateful to her for that. She doubted that she herself could have said this to her family, because for her it was still family. Maybe at some point she would have been going too easy on them. She also doubted that she could kick them out like they had kicked Touko out if they should start a fight again, which didn't happen. The two were pious like newborn lambs.
Still, she was surprised when, about another six months later, her father revealed to her that her mother was waiting in the car outside and asked if she could come upstairs. Her sister was skeptical, but left the decision to Yuu and Touko. They had no objections. After her father had sent her a short message, they both met her at the front door with their arm around the other's waist.
"Hello Cutie. Touko." Her mother looked bashfully sideways to the floor.
"Don't cutie me. Hello Mom.", Yuu replied prickly.
"May... may I come in?" she asked cautiously.
"Yes."
"Then thank you for letting me be here."
"Thanks for showing up.", Touko replied calmly but with a warm smile. Then, when nobody dared to say or do anything for several moments, she playfully pinched Yuu's side.
Yuu looked at her defiantly at first, then back at her mother. "Now don't stand there like a painted oil goddess', the neighbors are already looking. Come in and take off your shoes."
Touko grinned inwardly. Not a very warm welcome, but Yuu's mother couldn't have expected such one at all. Still, it was good to see that Yuu had learned to complain to others, not just to her. Somehow they would all find a way to get along and no matter what it might look like, neither she nor Yuu would ever deny the other again, to anyone. If that meant they couldn't have everyone they wanted in their life, then so be it. Not too much of a loss. Their friends had learned to deal with it, their families were just learning. For the moment that was more than enough. And they both had each other, now and forever, and that was more than they could ever have dreamed of in the early stages of their friendship and later relationship.