AN: Everyone knows I don't own Star Wars. This was written for my friend MasterOf4Elements, whos' going through a really rough time.

"Scarier Than Battle"

By EsmeAmelia

"Dad, can you help me with my homework?" nine-year-old Ben said, looking up from the kitchen table.

"Depends, son," said Han, sliding into a chair next to Ben. "I ain't really a math guy unless it's gotta do with flyin' starships and politics is your mom's area . . ."

"It's history," said Ben, scrunching his face at his datapad. "I'm s'posed to write an essay about the Battle of Endor."

Han had to scrunch down a laugh at the events he'd experienced barely a decade ago being called history. "Well, ain't it unfair to the other students if you get my help with that? Ya know, your classmates don't have the general who led the attack for a dad."

"The teacher said we could ask our parents about what they remembered from that time," said Ben. "We're supposed to find something interesting about the battle and read our essays for the class next week." He looked at his father with those big brown eyes. "Can you tell me something interesting?"

"C'mon son, you know the story. A lot of it was interesting. Gettin' captured to be the Ewoks' dinner, the Ewoks thinkin' 3PO was a god, gettin' accepted into the Ewoks' tribe . . ."

"I know, I know," said Ben, "but I wanna write about something different. Everyone else is gonna write about you guys fightin' with the Ewoks and Admiral Ackbar leadin' the attack and Uncle Lando flyin' the Falcon and stuff like that." He frowned at his father. "You were there, surely you've got something everyone doesn't already know about."

Han licked his lips in thought. "Hmmm . . . well, I dunno what all everyone knows, but I can tell you somethin' interesting that happened."

Ben perked up, his eyes hopeful. "What?"

"I told your mom I loved her."

Now Ben's mouth scrunched into a frown. "That's it?"

"Hey, a lotta tense stuff was goin' on when I did it," said Han. "Your mom had just gotten shot in the arm, stormtroopers had us cornered at the shield generator, I was about to surrender, but she did her quick thinkin' and hid her blaster to take 'em by surprise."

"But I can't write an essay about that!"

"Why not?" Han reached over and ruffled his son's hair. "It was really important. I was terrified of tellin' your mom I loved her - it was scarier than battle."

Now Ben was cocking his head in disbelief. "C'mon, that's stupid."

"I mean it," said Han, drumming his fingers on the table. "See, the first time I fell in love . . . it didn't end well."

"Yeah, I know the Qi'ra story."

"Yeah, but you probably don't realize how much it hurt when she flew off and left me behind." Han found himself staring into space as he recalled that day. "I was young and stupid and I believed in her. Even though everyone - including Qi'ra herself - said I shouldn't trust her, I didn't listen." He found himself drumming his fingers on the table yet again. "I thought we were gonna start a new life together, I thought she loved me as much as I loved her, but I was wrong." He clicked his tongue, looking into his son's eyes. "When you believe in someone that much only for them to betray you, it hurts, hurts, hurts, like they tore out your insides and left you to die. After she left, I was terrified of bein' hurt like that again. I didn't think I'd be able to trust anyone ever again - 'cept Chewie, of course." He gave a smile. "But then your mom and your uncle proved me wrong there too."

Ben still didn't look convinced that he could get an essay out of this. "Okay, but why'd you finally tell Mom you loved her during the battle?"

Hmm, why did he tell her during the battle? Now that Ben brought it up, it did seem like a rather weird place to tell her, but then again, the carbon freezer was also a weird place for her to tell him she loved him. "Well, when she hid her blaster and smiled up at me even though I knew she had to be in a lotta pain, I felt something. She had both our backs. Course, I'd known how capable and fearless she was ever since Day 1, but somehow in that moment, when she had fire in her eyes without a trace of pain, I felt like I could trust her with everything, including my heart." He scrunched his face as soon as those last words came out. "Ah, that was lame, wasn't it?"

"Yeah," Ben said with a nod, "it was lame. You're not a poet, Dad."

"I know I ain't," said Han, suddenly wishing he could hide under the table. "Got carried away tryin' to get you to understand, but I guess you had to be there."

Ben tapped his stylus on his datapad, his lips pursed in a thoughtful manner. "I think I do kinda get it. Like, your head knew Mom loved you and that you could trust her, but cause Qi'ra hurt you so badly, you were scared of going all out."

"Yeah," said Han, "it was like that."

Ben nodded. "I think I could work with that." But instead of starting work on the essay, he stared at his father with questioning eyes. "Dad, do you think someone'll ever betray me like Qi'ra betrayed you?"

Han swallowed, gripping his son's shoulder. "I hope not, but if that ever does happen, you know you can always talk to your old man about it, right?"

Ben nodded, but there seemed to be something distant about his nod. Was something happening at school that Ben wasn't telling him about?

"Well, I think I can get an essay outta this," Ben said quickly as if eager to change the subject. "I might tone down the mushy love poetry, though."

"Go ahead," said Han, "I'm sure you can get the general message across without the mush."

Ben flashed the grin that Leia always said he inherited from Han. "Say Dad, we can invite our parents over to watch us read our essays. Would you like to come?"

Han grinned back. "I'd love to, buddy. I'd love to."

THE END