Title: Hello Darkness
A/N: For the Earthshaker zine! Yes, I had to use that song as the title, it was a total must. And all of this was written because of the kh2 secret boss fight I had to watch on youtube because I am not nearly strong enough to do it myself.
Summary: Terra is fifteen when he realizes Eraquas is unstoppable, nineteen when he feels the sting of envy, and twenty when his sins come home to roost.
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Terra is fifteen when he realizes Eraqus is unstoppable.
It's not like he didn't know that before, in the way that a child idolizes a hero. Eraqus had always seemed larger than myth, a true keyblade master amongst all keyblade masters. Yet, when he had first begged Eraqus to take him on as an apprentice, Terra had assumed he'd surpass him one day.
Today isn't that day. Terra falls back to the earth, his back and rear landing hard on the grass as he tries and fails to roll back to his feet. His keyblade clatters out of his hand.
"I thought we discussed this, Terra. You shouldn't charge at your enemy." Eraqus stands stock still in the center of the training grounds, his expression serious as ever as. His long black hair sways as the wind picks up, his rubs swishing as they resist the breeze.
Terra had been told his name means Earth, but there is no ground more solid than his master. Eraqus stands as immovable as a mountain, as permanent as the sun. His strength eclipses Terra's in ways he can't imagine. Day in and day out, they train, Terra bashing himself against his master like waves crashing a rock, and he has yet to find Eraqus eroding at all.
It'll be a long time, if ever, before he's even equal to his master.
"Terra?" Eraqus presses, his lips quirking slightly. One day, Terra' will recognize this expression for what it is: his master trying to suppress a smile.
For now, though, he doesn't know if Eraqus is disappointed or not. Groaning, Terra pulls himself off the dirt, his shoulders still sore from where Eraqus countered him. Even in training, the battles aren't easy. "I saw an opening."
"And that is?" Eraqus prods, ever the teacher.
"Because you were luring me in," Terra finishes grumpily.
"Yes. You have to learn to tell the difference between a trap and a true opening." Eraqus lowers his key, sighing softly. Disappointment rolls off his tongue. "It is the difference between life and death."
"Easier said than done." Terra rubs his head. He can feel a bump forming.
"And yet, it is still something you must do." Eraqus sighs, softening. "You are young and you are impatient—two things that often go hand in hand. You must learn to temper yourself…temper your feelings."
Perplexed, Terra stares blankly at him. "I can be patient."
"I do not doubt that. Merely…" Eraqus cuts himself off, his expression growing dark. He eyes Terra contemplatively, as though assessing him. After a few seconds, he adds, "Tempering requires more than just patience."
Terra frowns, not fully understanding.
"There must be balance in all things. Yin and yang. Light and dark. Good and evil. Even on a personal level, you must strive for this balance." Eraqus's eyes darken. "Though, you should never seek darkness to balance your light."
Terra's frown grew deeper, at the mistrust in his master's voice. At the doubt. "I won't fall to darkness."
Eraqus repeats himself, as though he isn't sure Terra truly understands. "Make sure you don't. A terrible fate befalls those who lose their balance."
Terra is fifteen when he learns of real anger, the kind that clenches your teeth and curls your fist and simmers under your skin like fire.
-x-
Terra is seventeen when Ventus decides to become a keyblade master.
Or perhaps it isn't really decide—there is a bit of destiny behind this power. You have to accept it, true enough, but it also has to accept you. And the magic had long ago claimed Ventus for its own, back when Master Xehanort had first found the young man. Even with his memories gone and heart lost, Ventus still remembers how to summon a keyblade, still remembers how to turn his feelings into strength.
If only he had feelings. For the past few months, Ventus resembled a doll, all big eyes and blank stares and closed lips.
And now Terra has to fight the urge to rub his eyes at the guy standing across the training grounds from him. Ventus holds his keyblade gingerly, as though he's afraid it'll bite him. Scared as he is, he's not the blank slate trailing after Eraqus anymore.
"I got this," Ventus mutters, taking a deep breath. He holds it, as though trying to bottle up his nervousness. His fingers tap a morse code on the keyblade: help, help.
Terra can't help laughing at the sight. "Nervous?"
"A little," Ventus replies, more honestly than Terra had expected.
He softens. Has he ever been this small? This scared? Terra must have, back when Eraqus first started training him, but it's impossible to remember now. Holding up his keyblade with a hand, he smiles encouragingly. "It won't bite you if you try holding it a little tighter."
"I'm not afraid of getting attacked by it," Ventus bites out, frowning deeply. He keeps the keyblade as far away from him as he can, his arms stiff.
"Then what are you scared of?" Terra asks, pulling the answer out of him.
Luckily, it doesn't take much pulling. Ventus isn't much for subterfuge. It's hard to be, when he is still learning how to feel normally, let alone to fake it. "What if I…"
"If you?" Terra prods when Ventus trails off.
Ventus bites his lip. "If I forget again."
There isn't much to forget. But Terra doesn't say that—he's many things, but he's not cruel. And as awkward as baby duck Ventus had been, following them all around without saying anything, he doesn't want Ventus to forget it either.
Maybe one day, they can look back to these days and laugh.
Now, though, they have to get past them. Terra shakes his head. "You won't."
Ventus eyes him suspiciously. "How do you know?"
"I haven't lost my memory yet, for one." Terra chuckles, rubbing his neck. "Or I'm not sure how I made it this far."
"Hm." Ventus still looks unconvinced.
"Look, if anything happens, I'll personally make sure you get your memory back." Terra stands straighter, taller, trying to make himself look as big and strong as possible. "But you definitely can't get your old memory back if you don't learn how to control your keyblade. It'll help you unlock your heart and your memories."
Ventus gnaws his lip again before finally nodding. He doesn't spare any time before charging.
It's like seeing déjà vu and Terra parries him away with as much ease as Eraqus parried him away. Ventus tumbles on the grass, eyes wide with surprise. "What was that?"
Terra is seventeen when he learns of pride, of a slick confidence buoys him up more than any balloon. He smirks. "You ran into a trap."
-x-
Terra is nineteen when Aqua kicks his butt.
This isn't the first time. It isn't even the tenth time. Their spars these days are fairly equal, his strength against her nimble feet. And today, she has knocked him off his feet and onto the ground and he can feel the bruise starting to form.
"We're tied right?" Aqua asks as she puts away her keyblade. She reaches down to help him up, her short blue hair falling forward at the motion.
"You're ahead by one," Terra replies evenly, grabbing her small hand. Even when they touch, he can feel the difference between them. The callouses on her fingertips compared to the one on his palm. The strength in her arm, the skill and confidence in her movements.
And it seems he isn't the only one to see this. For all of Eraqus's impartiality, Terra's seen how he looks at Aqua, how his master turns to her first when teaching a new technique. And Terra's felt how Aqua's learned those skills, practicing them until they are second nature.
Their score is always even, but Terra has noticed how she's always the one who's one point ahead. How he's always the one catching up. They are even, but for how long?
He's scared to know the answer.
"Not for long, right?" Aqua grins as she tugs him up. Her movements are spry. He could overpower her easily, if she didn't dance away from each attack.
"Not for long," he agrees, pushing down the dark feeling growing within him.
"Can't believe we're going up for our mastery soon." Aqua lets go his hand and stretches her arms above her. "We'll be masters soon. Just like we promised."
"You really think so?" he asks, unable to keep the doubt out of his voice.
"Definitely." Aqua glances at him in surprise. "What, getting cold feet now?"
Terra bumps his shoulder against her before glaring at her. "As if."
"Just checking." Aqua laughs. She bumps him back lightly. "I can't believe we're almost there. I still can't beat Master Eraqus."
"We don't have to do that for the test," Terra points out, though he's never beat his teacher either.
"I know, but it still feels like we should be able to." She sighs. They stand stock still, enjoying the cool evening air, before Aqua asks, "Should we spar again? It won't matter much if we don't pass the test in the first place."
She has him knocked on his feet within five minutes.
Terra is nineteen when he is overcome with envy, with a roiling feeling that threatens to swallow up everything.
-x-
Terra is twenty when his sins come home to roost. He stands on a dead planet, the wind whistling through the canyons and drowning out the sounds of nearby fights. Not that it matters, even if he could hear, he wouldn't be listening.
He's too busy fighting with Xehanort for control of his body.
He's losing.
"You're mine, boy," Xehanort croons, almost too pleased.
Terra flinches as Xehanort whispers in his heart, reminding him of the red rage that killed his father, the purple pride that pushed Ventus away, the green envy that snarled bitter fears to Aqua. As Xehanort reminds Terra of just how he got here, of how it had been his choice all along.
And the worst part is that he isn't wrong. For all of Xehanort's deceptions, for all of his lies, he only amplified the darkness already within Terra. The feelings that Terra couldn't quite overcome or entirely will away.
His body collapses first, darkness seeping into the cracks in his armour like the tide. His mind is next, and he can feel Xehanort's fingers on it, pushing him away until he loses all sense of self.
His heart is last and it is almost too easy to succumb. Terra's done it before, after all. This isn't anything new.
Only, he hears a yell, hears Aqua scream and Ventus shout. They're too far away to make out the words, but they're here and they're injured and Xehanort will not let them leave here alive.
If Terra gives in.
Terra, temper yourself.
The choice before him is obvious.
"Not." Terra grits his teeth as he forces himself back together, as he pieces back the tiny fragments of light that he knows has to be his. "Today."
Terra is twenty when he fights the monster that is himself. He can't forget his darkness like Eraqus, can't master it like Aqua, can't defy it like Ventus.
What he can do is what he's always done, fight it back for a moment. And then another. And then another. Fight it back long enough to give his friends a chance to escape. Fight it back long enough for Xehanort's plan to fail.
Long enough to make up for all the wrongs he's wrought.
-x-
Terra is ? when a shadow approaches.
He's kneeling in the dirt, with his master's words echoing through his head. There must be balance.
Only, there is no balance here. Terra is on a dead planet. The wind whistles through the canyons, the only sound for miles. Time has wiped away all traces of his fight with Xehanort and hidden the keyblades scattered about from the war.
The only things left were the craters from a lost battle and Terra.
No, not quite Terra. His mind has been buried, his body snatched, his heart asleep. Only his will lingers still, stuck on this planet, unable to leave the moment of his loss. He kneels on the sand, a suit of armour masquerading as a man. Forgotten by time, there is little else to do but remember and regret.
So Terra remembers his father's rapidly cooling blood on his hands, how heavy his body felt as it cooled, how gentle his smile was as he died.
So Terra remembers Ventus's expression as he told Terra to kill him, his once awe-filled eyes now grim and hopeless.
So Terra remembers Aqua holding out her hand, telling him she knew he could get the mark of mastery next time, and the dark, poisonous envy that flooded his senses.
So Terra remembers the darkness that flooded him, unbalancing his light, untethering him from all he'd known and loved.
Eraqus was right. A horrible fate awaits those who lose their balance. Terra just hadn't expected it to also await all who knew him.
The wind howls. The shadow comes closer. Terra tenses. There are only enemies in this land, only vestiges of his mistakes, and he slowly rises to his feet as three figures approach him.
"Aqua… Ven…" Terra murmurs, raising his keyblade. They aren't here anymore, but he can still hear them calling his name.
It'll be fine, he wants to tell them. He's different now.
This time, he will defeat his enemy. This time, he will protect all that's important.