Disclaimer: I do not own any right to Supernatural, or any of the characters appearing in this story. The original concept is due to Eric Kripke and the rights to it are owned by The CW Network (?). This is written just for fun and I do not make any profit out of it.
A.N.: This is a one-shot based on the ending of episode 1x16, literally the last six minutes or so from Dean's point of view. I am just rewatching the series, now that I have a slightly different understanding of the characters than I did when I first watched it, I also have a different interpretation of it and I couldn't resist the urge to write it down. I am a non-native speaker, there might be some mistakes you have to overlook, here and there. Besides that, I hope you will have as much fun and angst reading it as I had writing it.
Spoilers warning: There are major spoilers for episode 1x16 and a couple of spoilers for stuff that preceded it in the first season. Talking of spoilers here is also the synopsis of the episode, readapted from Rotten Tomatoes. If you need to refresh your memory.
When the brothers pursue Meg, she unleashes shadow spirits on them, called Daevas. Meg manages to capture Sam and Dean, in order to set a trap for their father. When the brothers manage to free themselves, they return to the motel where they found their father waiting for them.
He couldn't believe Dad was there. Waiting for them. He had been worried sick about the man since he disappeared almost a year before. When he saw him, he immediately felt like the worse was over, like he could rest. Dad would take care of both of them, him and Sammy. He wanted to run at him, hug him like when he was a kid. He knew his father would not approve of him wearing his emotion on his sleeves. So he awkwardly walked to him, forcing his body to go a million times slower than he wanted.
After Sammy said he wanted back into school and Meg overpowered them both, he wasn't sure he was going to make it. It got him sick to his stomach to see how Meg had toyed with Sam. Sure Sammy had grown strong enough to take it, smart enough to play it to his own advantage but he was still his little brother, and no one should mess with him. He knew the way Meg acted was way out of Sam's comfort zone, without adding that Meg was the first person Sam had connected with after Jess.
Dad was going to get pissed off if he knew Dean let it happen.
In his father's hug, Dean got as close to a meltdown as he allowed himself to.
The last day had been more the tip of the iceberg than the real problem. Sam's visions scared the hell out of him, even if he kept lying and saying that he was cool with it. But he trusted them, mostly he trusted him. Even that night, when Sammy's instinct said the day was not over and he wanted to bring the weapon inside rather than leave them in the car, Dean played it cool once again and almost teased his brother about it, but he was on high alert.
But now Dad was there, and if Dad was there nothing wrong could happen. Maybe that was what Sammy had picked up, a not so stranger in their room. They have been looking out for him for the best part of a year now and he was finally there in the room like he had always been waiting for them.
When Dean finally released his grip, his father turned to Sam. Dean followed the scene. Sam and Dad hadn't parted on the best term when Sam had gone to Stanford. That was more than two years before. Looking at them he also payed attention to the three deep gashes that his brother had on his face.
Dean wasn't sure if he was more scared of the drama that could follow or of the scolding he was going to get from his father for letting Sam get hurt. As his father always told him he had one job, only one...
As the tension between the two started to rise he changed the topic back to the hunt, an art he mastered over years and years of discussions.
As the topic turned, the look of determination in his father's eyes had Dean in awe. The man was his hero and he could not deny it. He wasn't afraid of falling into a trap and he was talking about killing a demon. Not just the usual exorcism. Dean had been hunting for a while and had his fair share of success, and since Sammy joined he got the feeling they were even stronger, but their father... It sounded like Dad was entirely in another league.
He wanted in, and it hurt when Dad said that he didn't want them there. He looked over at Sammy to be remembered of how close they got to getting killed or worse. He sort of understood. But it hurt nonetheless.
It was like their father was rejecting them and he saw the same emotions in his brother's eyes, mixed with the rage at being left off the hunt for his girlfriend's killer.
Then the unexpected happened. He saw his father swallow his pride for the first time since he knew him and with a sorry yet uncertain tone, he mentioned the last time he spoke to Sammy. And Sam accepted it, adding some sorrow on his side. That was as close to an apology as the Winchesters went and he couldn't believe that it was happening. His family was back and he was not going to let them fall apart again. Dean couldn't be happier than he was in that moment, he didn't care what it took to bring them there.
The moment of happiness was just that, a moment. Brief and ephemeral. All of a sudden, Dad was flying across the room. Sam was on the floor. And a Daeva was knocking Dean on his feet. Panic surged when Dean couldn't decide who needed more help between Dad and Sam. Even more panic rushed when he couldn't get up to help either of them and Dad's screams filled the room. He did the only thing he could do. Fight harder. Get more attention to himself. Hope that this would cut the others some slack. He knew his father was doing the same because he taught him that strategy.
He thought that was going to be the end of the Winchesters.
But Sammy, always the smart one, had come up with a plan, and all of a sudden the monsters were gone.
He made his way blindly to Dad and they left the room.
As they reached the Impala, he heard his brother's voice latched with pain and exertion and he knew it. It was a trap for Dad, but Sammy had paid the price as well. Dean had one job, only one in his whole life. Dad was playing in a bigger league, too big for them. He wanted to shadow him, to learn how he did it. And Sammy wanted to jump into it because of his grief for Jessica. But Dean had one job.
The decision tore at him like the claws of the Daeva.
"Wait, wait, wait! Sam, wait. Dad, you can't come with us." He said in one breath, his body still needed to catch up from running from the monster.
He turned around to watch the matching shock on Sam's and their father's faces. Dad's expression hardened in that soldier look that Dean had learned to fear growing up.
"You boys- you are beat to hell." Dad said. Dean recognized his expression from a million hunts when his father felt guilty and didn't want them out of his sight again. Dean looked down, lying that they will be alright. In reality, he didn't want anything more than have his father by his side, he wasn't sure he was strong enough without him. He focused on Sammy, hoping against all hopes that Dad would get the message.
"Sam! Listen to me!"
And for a moment his resolution failed, letting his eyes trail somewhere else. He knew that he had to look straight into his brother's eyes to sell this.
"We almost got Dad killed in there. Don't you understand? They're not gonna stop. They're gonna try again. They're gonna use us to get to him."
Dean saw Sam look at their father and whatever he found, the defeated look that Sam had when he looked back at him said that his father was getting the point. Dean went against all his self-preservation instincts and everything that was in his heart and he kept going. He still needed to sell it to Sam and the hurt expression on his brother's face was not helping a bit.
"I mean, Meg was right. Dad's vulnerable when he's with us." He said, but what he was actually thinking was that they were the ones too vulnerable to be around him. Their father's league was so much bigger than theirs that he knew he could not protect Sam there.
There was one more lie to sell, he looked away. He knew if he said it, it could very well be the last time he saw his father. But he had one job, only one, whatever he felt didn't matter.
He couldn't look any of them in the eyes as he stutter on that last sentence.
"He…He's stronger without us."
They were stronger when they were together, the three of them. But he couldn't let Sam near that kind of danger. He finally understood why Dad left him all those months ago.
Dean looked away from both Sam and Dad. He was sick with the lies and the pain they costed him. He listen as Sammy launched a final desperate plea at their father.
But Dad got the message loud and clear. The man has shielded himself from Sam's grief, the one thing he had known too well, and he tried easing Sam into leaving him. He gave him some bullshit about more fights to come. Dean knew their father better than Sam did and he could see the pain that it costed the man. When Sam finally surrendered, Dean felt like he could breathe, even if just a little. It pained him to see that his brother had put up a shield and was once more cold and distant from their father like everything that happened in that brief moment in the motel room was has just been erased.
Before he knew it, Dean was staring into his father's eyes. He could fill his own eyes full of tears and if he hadn't known better, he would have thought he caught a glimpse of moisture in Dad's eyes as well. Dad nodded his understanding and approval. And Dean nodded back an apology for the pain he was causing, a thank you for convincing Sam, and the silent promise that he will keep doing his job, all in one single nod. Dean hoped against all hopes that he was going see his father again, that after this was over they could go back to be a family.
But when Dad said "Be careful boys" it sounded almost like a goodbye.