A/N: Hey again! Again posting a fic that was buried in my drive for probably over half a year, or maybe a whole year? Who knows? haha!

As always, excuse my mistakes, English is not my first language.

This fic has a TW for panic attacks.

I hope you enjoy it!

Set after 5x8

While Louis is at a meeting in one of the conference rooms, Donna is at her desk, wearing headphones. She's transcribing the information her new boss has recorded on his dictaphone. It's not the most agreeable thing to do, but she doesn't have many options. Luckily, she got software that facilitates and speeds up her task, yet monitors line by line, to correct automatic typing errors.

"Donna..." Mike runs to the redhead's desk, braking only when his elbows rest on it.

"Mike, what's wrong?" Donna frowns, completely confused, taking off her right headphone.

"It's Harvey. He needs you."

"Mike…" she exhales and tries to push down the distress that suddenly appears in her chest. "You know I don't–"

"And you know very well that I wouldn't have come here if I didn't know that you're the only person in the world who can help him right now." He murmurs. "And you can't lie to me. I know that even if you're at this desk, you would do anything for him."

"Why doesn't he come and ask me?" Donna asks with disappointment in her voice.

"Because he can't." He says, increasingly nervous. "Can you come with me? Now."

"Okay," Donna responds, once again caged in this dichotomy. How difficult can it be to take distance from that man? "Can you tell me what the hell is happening?" she asks discreetly, walking beside him. "Where are we going?"

Mike grabs her arm to take her to his side. "File room, Harvey is having a pan–"

Before Mike can finish the sentence, Donna's heart sinks into her chest. She suddenly feels that everything around her disappears and all she cares about is getting to Harvey. Her feet lead her way to the files room instinctively and she doesn't give herself time to think. Not now, it is not the time.

After what seems like an eternity to her -although it has been less than a minute- Donna stands in front of the door of the file room. When she puts her hand on the doorknob, she notices she's too agitated and knows that entering like this won't help Harvey, so after a few deep breaths to relax herself, she turns the door handle and enters the place quietly.

"Harvey, it's me... Donna." She says calmly, trying to find him.

As if it was possible that I didn't recognize your voice, Donna. I'd do it anywhere. Thought that appears amid Harvey's mental fog.

"I'm going to lock the door and go in. Okay?" Donna continues to speak calmly and does what she has just informed him. She knows that the prospect of someone getting in there will only make him more nervous. There are few things Harvey hates as much as showing up to others vulnerable. Once a chair locks the doorknob, she walks into the place. "Can you give me a sign of where you are?"

Harvey hits a box with his trembling hand and that helps her locate him quickly. Donna doesn't recognize him when she sees him and that makes her heart squeeze even more and her eyes fill with tears. He sits on the floor, his legs flexed, his feet on the ground, his hands shaking in the space between his legs, his back hunched, his head pulled forward, hiding from everything around him. She can see his body shaking and sweating, his skin getting redder. She hears his breath agitated, more like a gasp, and for a moment, wonders if she can really help him. In those 12 years at his side, she had never seen him in any similar situation. In fact, every time she had to help him, what she had to do was confront him until he came to his senses. And now it's the opposite. Of course, she can realize that what Harvey doesn't need now is to be confronted or pressured. All of this happens in Donna's mind in just one second, while she sits next to him. Even if for a moment she doubts her ability to help him, she won't leave him there. She won't leave him alone. Not this time.

"Donna.." he mumbles, his voice sounding hoarse and broken. He really feels that he's about to drown.

"Hey…" she whispers, looking for her voice to convey as much calm as possible at that moment while kneeling beside him. Harvey babbles in response but fails to utter any coherent succession of words. "I know what's happening to you. You don't have to explain anything to me. I'm here to help you." She murmurs, fighting the desire she feels to caress his hair and tighten his body against hers. "And I won't leave here." Harvey nods, still hidden. "What do you think about taking off the jacket and tie? Do you think it can help you breathe better?" Harvey for the first time raises his head, his eyes meet and Donna swallows with difficulty at the sight of his lost and desperate look. "Let me help you." He nods and closes his eyes tightly, having a hard time keeping his gaze connected to hers and even listening and understanding what she is saying. The blood pumping into his ears and the sped-up heartbeat, along with the enormous effort he is making to try to breathe, makes it a titanic task. Donna's hand sliding down his shoulder is what brings him back to reality. He doesn't even remember when it was the last time they had some kind of physical contact, but that feels like a small island to rest on in the midst of the raging tide. Her left-hand glides smoothly from his right shoulder to his left shoulder, while the other climbs from his arm to his right shoulder. Harvey clings to the heat that her warm hands give off on his back and tries to loosen his muscles a bit, although it seems to be completely in vain. Donna hooks her fingers into the jacket collar and doesn't find the way her fingertips don't rub the skin of his neck, his skin. She feels the prick touch of his short hair and knows that he also feels it. Once she positions her hands, she slides the jacket down his arms. "Help me a little here, Harvey. Let go of your hands." She murmurs, still calmly, and that's what he does. Still softly, because she doesn't want to make him more nervous, she drops his jacket down his back and down his arms, but although Harvey manages to remove his left hand, his right hand is trapped there and is unable to control the tremor. Donna moves to sit in front of him, her legs down herself, and without hesitation, not even for half a second, grabs his trembling hand between hers, her thumbs affectionately rubbing his skin. She feels him completely sweating, but she doesn't mind. Donna holds him firmly, but also delicately. She needs him to feel like she will never leave him alone. Whatever happens. "It's okay. No one hurries us." She mutters.

"We don't do this." He grunts, his face falling forward again. Even though his heart is pounding, he realizes this isn't the usual situation, and even if he finds the situation pleasant, he doesn't want to risk damaging, even more, his relationship with Donna.

"It's what friends do." She tells him confidently. "Help each other." Of course, Donna knows what Harvey means, but she prefers to keep that conversation for another time or sweep it under the rug, as is customary between them. Donna keeps holding his hand between hers, leaning them on her thigh. Slowly, she feels the tremor in his hand diminish, so she takes off his jacket and, after setting it aside, she kneels again, this time in front of him. "Hey... Can you raise your head for a moment?" Harvey nods, and although he feels that his head weighs five times more than normal, he makes the effort and looks at her again. "Let me take off your tie?" Donna continues to speak as calmly as possible, her eyes connected to his, in a desperate attempt to anchor him to reality with her.

"Yes..." Harvey says with his voice hoarse and his lips trembling.

Donna nods, as her hands go to his neck and untie the knot of his tie. Her fingers unconsciously rub against his jaw and throat, and Harvey clings to those fleeting microseconds with all his strength. Once Donna undoes the knot, she lifts the shirt's collar to take the tie off faster, as sliding it off may worsen the sensation of being suffocated. Then, lower the collar of his shirt again and open the first two buttons of his shirt. Her fingers are skillful, but she certainly can't avoid some extra little rubs that they're aware of once again. Donna leaves his clothes aside and sits back in front of him with her legs under her and her feet on the side. "A little better?" she asks, and he nods, although not very convinced.

They both feel like it's been forever, but it's been less than 3 minutes.

"Don't leave me alone," he pants, staring at her and putting his hand on hers, which is on his thigh, almost instinctively. "Please."

She denies it with her head, with a tiny reassuring smile on her lips, and turns her hand under his, so that their palms touch each other, and their fingers get tangled. "I'm here, I won't leave." She tells him with all the honesty in the world in her voice. He nods, lowering his gaze again. Donna sighs and closes her eyes, feeling the guilt run through her entire body. She could never leave him alone in such a moment and the only reason he hesitates it breaks Donna's heart. She knows exactly how he felt when he recently asked for help, in this very place, after beating Louis, and she asked him what had caused him to react like that because she wanted to know if he deserved it. Of course, he deserved it. She knows better than anyone else that Harvey is a fair man. Not knowing how to manage his feelings doesn't make him a bad person, even if that ends up hurting her. "I won't leave this time." She says, her thumb going up the side of his hand, sliding over his skin. Harvey squeezes her hand too hard as if his life depended on it because he feels like that. "Is it okay if I count to help you breathe better?" she asks because even though she thinks it might work, she doesn't know if this could help him. Harvey nods and she nods in response. "Okay." She responds, still stroking his hand with her thumb. "Remember that no one is rushing you, okay? We can stay here as long as you need," Donna murmurs and he thinks that staying locked up there all his life with her sounds like a pretty tempting idea.

Without releasing his hand, she begins to count 4 in 4. 4 seconds to inhale, 4 seconds to hold, 4 seconds to exhale, and 4 seconds to pause before starting again. Harvey's first attempts fail, but he finds strength in Donna's faith in him, so he keeps trying.

Donna counts 4 in 4 with a calm and paused voice until the words coming out of her mouth lose meaning for her, but for Harvey, they work as the sound he must follow in order to reach the shore. His whole body hurts from so much swimming and the fact of not being able to take his head out of the water for enough time gives him the feeling of constant drowning... It's Donna's voice that works as a lighthouse, which pushes him to keep swimming. It's Donna's voice that helps him slow down his racing heart, normalize his desperate breathing, and stop his sweating.

"You're doing great, Harvey." She murmurs after what she estimates has been more than 15 minutes because she isn't sure. She hasn't brought her phone with her.

"You too." He murmurs. His voice sounds a little softer than a few minutes ago, and that calms her down a bit and makes her smile honestly at him.

"Do you want me to keep counting?"

"No, but keep talking to me. Anything."

She nods and moves. Her legs under her are already numb, so she sits with her knees bent against her torso. Harvey also moves, crossing his legs, and both lean against the boxes. No one says anything about it, but they never let go of their hands. Quite the contrary, they hold on to them more and more tightly.

Donna thinks for a fleeting moment and decides to move over safe waters. Laughing at Louis is a safe place for both. "Okay, imagine Louis looking for me right now because he doesn't find his prune juice in the kitchen."

Harvey giggles, just a little, and throws his head back. "You're not the kind of secretary that makes the coffee. I guess you won't pour him his stupid juice, either."

She laughs. "I don't. I don't go mudding with him either."

"Excuse me?" this time Harvey can't help but laugh and feels his muscles loosen.

"He gave me access to his club…" she says, with a funny smile on her face. "Because he said I was right about you and Esther, even if–" Harvey nods and thanks her quietly for lying for him. "It was a gift of thanks when he thought I was right… so I told him I'd need a bigger apartment if he's going to give me a gift whenever I'm right."

Harvey laughs again. "Have you gone?"

"Are you insane?" she laughs. "When I asked him if I was going to get mud... He replied that it'd be even better if we'd go mud together."

Harvey keeps laughing, but for a moment he gets serious. "Please, stop there. Just imagining his butt covered in mud, I think I'll have another panic attack."

Now it's Donna who laughs out loud. "I have left the gift on his desk. Luckily, he hasn't mentioned it again."

"I can let him know you prefer handbags." He tells her with a smile on his face and she smiles back.

"Just if they include also a breakfast."

Harvey smiles again and remains silent for a few seconds, enjoying the transparency of her gaze, the pleasant sensation of their hands united. For a moment, it seems that there is nothing broken between them. Donna holds his look, his hand, and his soul just being there.

"Should I have invited you to a mud bath?" he asks, hoping it sounds like a joke.

"Those spa sessions you gave me have been good enough. I'm sure better than that mud."

"So… do you conclude that I'm a better boss than Louis?"

She rolls her eyes with a naughty smile. "I won't answer that."

"Come on, you can trust me."

"Louis is like a child…" she shrugs her shoulders. "And I really sometimes feel like his mother. But I have also felt that way with you."

"Maybe someday you'll have a normal boss."

She purses her nose. "I don't think so." Harvey giggles again, and although it's a soft laugh, a coughing fit attacks him. "Do you want some water?" she offers, thinking about the water dispenser there. Harvey nods but regrets it the moment she lets go of his hand to stand up. Both regret this loss of contact. They're sure that their skin hadn't maintained contact for so long in a row since the other time and that hits them both.

Donna returns as soon as she can and offers him the glass of water while she is still standing. "Thank you," Harvey murmurs after grabbing the glass and drinking a sip. "Although I think I'd prefer scotch."

Donna smiles. "I don't think it's what you need now." She responds and sits back in front of him. "Do you feel better?"

"Yes, thank you." He whispers. "Really. I know that maybe this will bring you an argument with Louis and—"

"He understands about friendship. I'm sure he'll understand that you needed me more than him right now.".

"Are we friends?"

She frowns, confused. "The dinner at Del Posto hasn't been to get our shit together and be friends again?"

He nods. "How did you know I was here?"

"Mike went looking for me."

"I should have assumed it." He says, scratching his nape. "The first time he saw me like that, he wanted to call an ambulance."

"Has it happened to you many times?"

"Some... I've been going to therapy, and I'm taking medication."

"I know." She nods.

"You guessed it or...?"

She denies it with her head, feeling guilty. If she had been around, she could have guessed it. "No, this time I didn't."

"Mike has told you?"

"No…" she pauses. "I'll tell you, but you promise me you won't be angry."

"Tell me…"

"Promise me."

"Okay." He exhales. "I promise."

"Louis has recorded you, and since I must transcribe what he-"

"Has he recorded me?" Harvey's face turns red in a second and the vein on his forehead swells again.

"You promised not to get angry." She remembers him and he breathes superficially. "Harvey…" she murmurs, returning to her calm tone of a few minutes ago. "You don't need this now. I'll tell you only if I know you can handle it."

Harvey takes a few deep breaths and nods, looking at her again. "Tell me, please. It will be worse if I start assuming."

"You're right. But I need you calmly. Ok?" he nods. "One day I asked for his dictaphone to make the transcription, but he asked me not to do it. And the way he did it made me suspicious."

"Your Donna shit."

She smiles. "I'd rather call it a superpower, you know?"

Harvey smiles back and nods. "You're kind of like a superhero."

Donna chuckles and continues with her story. "As soon as I could, I took his dictaphone…" she sighs and pauses, twisting the corner of her mouth. "And there I heard you, Harvey." Donna has to pause because she feels like her throat closes, remembering the anguish she felt when she knew it. "I'm sorry for not being there."

"It's not your fault, Donna."

"Isn't it?" Harvey shakes his head. "When did they start?" he lowers his gaze, unable to answer. He knows she already knows. "I've left you handling too much just by yourself. I shouldn't have left. I'm sorry."

Harvey denies it with his head and looks at her again. "I understand why you did it. I couldn't blame you for putting yourself first for once." He tells her peacefully, looking her in the eyes. "It's not your fault. That you were gone was a trigger, but you know I'm screwed too long ago." Donna nods, with tears in her eyes. "Now you have to promise something here."

"What thing?"

"Don't think it's your fault."

"Ok, I promise." She says, offering him a shy smile.

"So... What happened next?" he needs to know the full story.

"I knew it after the last argument we had here and–" she deeply exhales. "I didn't know whether to go get you, to tell you that if you needed me, I'll be there..." she pauses, biting her inner cheek nervously. "I wanted to believe you knew, but I guess I didn't make it clear."

"Why do you say that?" he asks because he's still so nervous that he's afraid he doesn't fully understand her.

"I've asked you to tell me what Louis told you to hit him as if I didn't trust you enough to know he must have hurt you so badly to make you react like that. And a few minutes ago, you begged me not to leave you here alone." She talks fast as if that helps chase away the tears that pool in her eyes. "Harvey, no matter what the hell happens between us. If you need me, I'll be there for you." She pauses, waiting for him to assimilate her words. "I know you enough to know that I can have faith in you. And I was afraid, I was afraid you wouldn't want me to know this is happening, I know you hate showing yourself vulnerable and…" she sighs. "I didn't say anything. I'm sorry."

"You're here now when I need you." He murmurs with an honest smile on his lips, staring at her, trying to make her feel that he doesn't hold a grudge for this, not anymore. "Please, keep telling me"

Donna nods. "I asked him if he had recorded you for the partners to hear… He said he didn't want to record you saying that. He just wanted proof that you hit him, but I just didn't believe him." Donna pauses, watching as his vein swells again, and lets him breathe for a few seconds. "I got angry with him because I knew what he was looking for was to hurt you. And he admitted it." Harvey feels the blood boil back inside him and his hands turn into two tight fists, yet Donna chooses to continue. "So I told him that if he wanted to suspend you because you hurt him, it was his right… but if he used your panic attacks to publicly humiliate you, I'd stop working for him."

Harvey's facial expression softens. "You have never stopped protecting me, and I don't know if I deserved it." He murmurs. "Thank you."

"You do." Donna smiles at him. "And I'll never stop doing it, Harvey. Our relationship may be too weird right now, but I'll never let anything bad happen to you if I can avoid it. You know that, don't you?"

He nods with a shy smile on his lips and silent gratitude in his eyes that Donna gets immediately. "So… how many handbags am I owing to you right now?" he asks with a funny smile on his face, looking to get out of the candid conversation. It has just passed too much in a short time and he needs a break.

Donna laughs. "If you promise you'll call me if this happens again and you cannot handle it by yourself, it's enough for me."

He chuckles. "Another promise?"

"Please," she whispers, with a slight smile on her face.

Harvey nods. "I promise."

They both nod with a smile on their lips, looking into each other's eyes and remain silent for a few seconds, absorbing the moment. It had been too long since there had been such calm between them and even longer since they had shared such an intimate moment and it felt good to be able to rest in each other, even for a fleeting moment.

But at that moment, Harvey's phone rings inside his jacket.

"Man… are you better? I don't know how long it can distract everyone who wants to enter. If Donna hasn't managed to get you to get all your shit together by now, we should call the ambulance… I mean, not for you. For her."

Harvey giggles, looking at Donna in front of him. "Of course she did. We'll be out soon."

Upon listening to him, she stands up and then he imitates her and puts on the jacket and tie, which Donna fits carefully.

In silence, they're approaching the door, but Harvey still doesn't feel ready to face the world again. So, he walks behind her.

"Donna... wait." She turns on her feet to look at him. "I know you and I don't do this, and that today we've done things that—" his voice sounds insecure.

"What do you wanna ask me?" she asks him with a reassuring smile.

"Can I hug you?"

"Always, Harvey." She responds, walking toward him. He also approaches her. They stand, facing each other, their breaths collide against their faces and both feel their heartbeat speed up at that very moment. Donna is the first to take the initiative, placing her face in the gap between his neck and shoulder, her arms passing under his, her hands gently rubbing his back. Harvey drops his forehead on her collarbone, wrapping her by her shoulders, unconsciously bringing her body even closer to his.

Both keep their eyes closed, completely absorbing the feeling of the moment: that of being back in a safe place after an eternity.

The warmth of the other envelops them and the feeling of their bodies so close makes them dizzy, but in a good way. They had never said it out loud, but they both knew that their bodies would never fit so well with anyone else's. Harvey takes a deep breath, seeking to soak up Donna's scent, which works for him even better than an anxiety pill, and a smile tugs at his lips when he thinks of it.

"Do you feel better?" she murmurs against his neck. Her whispery voice made him move his hands toward her shoulder blades and pull her closer to him.

"Yes, Donna." He responds, and she affectionately rubs his back. "Thank you."

"You don't have to." She whispers and this time she is the one who squeezes him a little more, but not so much for him, but for her. She doesn't know when she will be holding him again and she needs to keep this feeling to herself.

"Yes, I have to. Thank you, Donna." He murmurs, turning his head toward her and his breath collides on her neck, making her shudder.

"You know you don't have to thank me."

"I wanna do it."

"A handbag will be fine." She says with a giggle.

"I'm talking to you seriously, Donna. Thank you."

She smirks. "I know. I was just giving you a comedy step in case you wanted to escape."

"I've escaped too much already..." he mutters. "And now I wanna find myself again." His voice sounds too low, almost imperceptible. "I hope to find you again on the road."

"I'll never turn away from your path. And I know you can find yourself again." She whispers, hugging him tighter for a few seconds, and then separates from him, hearing people talking outside. "If you need me, you know where to find me."

"Louis will get jealous."

She giggles softly. "I can handle it."

"How do you do it?"

"What thing?"

"Always be able to handle everything."

"Do you forget I'm Donna?" she tells him with a funny smile and he shakes his head, also smiling, seeing her go away.

Donna exits the file room and quickly scurries off to the ladies' room. She needs a moment before listening to some of her new boss' bullshit again.

It's that actually, she only pretends to be able to handle everything. What just happened has been too much also for her. Having him so close to her still hurt. But she knows she won't mind breaking herself along the way if it means helping him and finding himself again.

What she feels for him is so unselfish that there she is, once again, letting him break her some more.

She only hopes that he can find himself soon and that at some point, his path will turn enough to see her.

See her for real.

You know I would be very happy to read what you think about this :)