Irken Empire Historical Archive: First Contact With The Planet Jackers

by kandriod2001

After a planet stationed by 5 billion Invaders gets stolen by a mysterious ship, the Irken Armada sends an elite group of soldiers to follow it and destroy the capital city on the enemy homeworld.

IRKEN EMPIRE HISTORICAL ARCHIVE #33683784: FIRST CONTACT WITH THE PLANET JACKERS

The following text is a factual retelling of the events past, verified by the Inquisitorian kandriod. Any statement made contradictory to this archive will result in imprisonment for imperial security, regardless of rank and purpose.

Access Archive?
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*****1600 BOID [1600 Years Before Operation Impending Doom I]*****

ACCOUNT FROM ORBITAL SPACE STATION OFFICER OF THE PLANET YHNUMOOM:
"I was attending to the sensors on our weather control matrix when the craft entered view, it moved with a speed unimaginable, encapsulating the entire volume of the 14th rock from the Blue Dwarf, I hailed the fleet operations center right away and got no response, afterwards, it fled from my sight just as quickly as it had arrived, along with all 5 Billion of it's Irken soldiers."

ACCOUNT FROM THE GREY TALLEST, SOLE LEADER OF THE IRKEN EMPIRE:
"About half a day after hearing this officer who doesn't earn the right to have his name recorded out, I sentenced him to death by teleportation phasing for failing to call for reinforcements, we chose to transport his matter inside the surface of a moon that formerly orbited Yhnumoom, I was thankful to hear that the execution was successful, leading to his form being trapped in a quantum superposition both outside and within the granite, a fate more painful than being torn asunder by a black hole."

UNKNOWN SPECIES DOMINATION COUNCIL (USDC) DICTATION FROM THE APPROVED PRESS:
"We have nothing like this, the threat is absolute and must take top priority this instant!" Cried Thelgheschkiuozquk, pounding his feet on the floor of the highest security chamber.
"Don't lose sight of what we are, you're usually more reasonable than this." Spoke zyZZyx, the most elite of the three.
"I don't care how tied up our armada is with that automatic rocket array in our soon to be 15th system, we've beaten volume of fire in the past, we'll do it again.
These… Planet-Jackers could return and take their pick of our entire reign! If we don't divert resources, the Irkens are as good as extinct!" Thelgheschkiuozquk was visibly shaken, the universe as he knew it was ending right before his very eyes and nothing was being done, he could feel his tendons snapping, his mind fading, the taste of absolute oblivion was permeating his cranium, pounding at his essence and pride.
"We'll never, ever falter, wise ones. Remove a shock assault squad from the 15th system and send them in the recorded trajectory of that treacherous, filthy vessel. We'll have them crying out for assimilation by the end of this cycle. Assign a GX8999 orbital bombardment ship to them so that they may burn for their insolence." Everytime Qerer spoke he did it with a focused serenity, younger than the other two of the council, he had more ambition towards solving problems and it always got the results the tallest desired. Not ones to argue with a proven advisor to the empire, Thelgheschkiuozquk & zyZZyx both agreed to go ahead with this aggressive doctrine.

HISTORICAL CONTEXT ADDED IN 800 BOID:
The shock assault squad sent to the planet jacker home world were all equipped with cerebral apparatus known as Thought Trackers. Thought Trackers used to be an essential battle implement for every Irken trooper that wasn't stationed on a combat vehicle so as not to be redundant with onboard computers, they were utilized to keep a record of every single experience an Irken would have in an engagement so that afterwards they could be studied to improve capabilities in all forms of warfare.
Usage of Thought Trackers was discontinued after in 790 BOID an enemy force manipulated a Battalion of Irken troops with false memories implanted into their Thought Trackers remotely, leading to a massive rebellion that held back our progress as a race for generations.
After this incident we inspected every historical archive that used Thought Trackers as a source and determined their veracity, and found this one to be a truthful example.

THOUGHT TRACKER RECORD OF SHOCK ASSAULT SQUAD LEADER ZARIUS:

*****58 Light Years Away from the original orbit of Yhnumoom, within the vehicle bay of The Punishment*****

"The sub-batteries in my jump pack are dying unusually fast again, the quartermaster who gave the go ahead on this clunker wasn't paying attention." Zarius was disappointed but not surprised, every other time he gets an assignment the equipment he's assigned isn't up to invader standards. He recalled the last time he jumped down to a hostile planet, none of his pulse grenades were functional, leading to a hasty retreat and 2 KIA from a cyborg counterattack.
The serious-faced Irken stomps up the cylindrical hallway to the bridge and gets the attention of the first officer he sees.
"Do you even know how to fight?"
The Yellow-Eyed Artillery Officer gingerly responds "I've done over t- two hundred fifty-five simulated fire missions! I'm more than qualified to handle these inferior, loathsome peons."
"So you don't know how to fight. That's just great." Zarius begins to walk away in disgust, thinking command has utterly let him and his subordinates down.
"If you don't believe me, look me up on your database, my name's Robio."
"Why do I get my hopes up? Anytime a team like mine gets work it just means the staff doesn't feel like organizing an actual army and just hopes I can fix all their problems for them." Zarius's mood was getting dour, he needed a boost to his confidence so he made his way over to the barracks where his other 3 Shock Assault Troopers were gearing up.
"I'm itching for some more glory, I wish we got a faster ship for this gig" Zarius got the feeling this trooper wasn't taking her job seriously anymore, and drew his vibro-blade, switched it on, and put it to her neck.
She started to quiver, deadly silent, as he drew the blade in closer to her skin.
"You're going to die down there. Die with purpose, that's my motto." He put away the now disabled decapitation apparatus, as she slowly nodded.
"Get your head in the game. We aren't here for target practice, we're here to protect the empire Keltz."
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAH!" The piercing chortle echoed throughout the room. It was Lorfe. Lorfe had served in the 38th Shock Battalion longer than anyone else, and never gotten much in the way of promotions due to his tendency to execute prisoners meant for questioning. His skills in every other department had allowed the blood hungry creature to keep their duty.
"At least I can rely on one of you…" Zarius thought, as his gaze met Terrener.
Terreners Eyes were emotionless, throughout his tour he's always acted as if he was a heartless machine, living only to fulfill the mission. As a short Irken he was never taken seriously for the first 70 years of his career, but after being the only surviving member of 8 initial orbital invasions and completing the main objectives of the first day of each of them near singlehandedly, he was doubtlessly a vital asset to the empire, rising through the ranks to join the 38th along with Zarius, Keltz, and Lorfe.
A hologram of the comms officer from the bridge of The Punishment began to display from the Pak Zarius was wearing, she exclaimed "An urgent message is coming in from a nearby Irken ship, will you hear it?" Zarius tilted his head in interest. "Of course, patch it through to me!"
"I am Gerdge, a 20 year Sergeant with the 2nd tier of the Irk Obedience Badge. I've been ordered to accompany the 38th Shock Battalion on their mission to hunt down the Planet-Jackers…"
"Why's that!?" Keltz interrupted.
"Because an operation this sensitive will require direct oversight from the tallest's own. I'm here to act as a political officer to ensure you four stay in line, rather than turn you loose alone in a hostile sector. Under my watchful eye the will of our people shall be guaranteed!"
Every officer and the 4 commando's on The Punishment let out a loud groan.
"Say again?"
"Nothing, nothing, glory to Irk-kind…" Said Lorfe sarcastically, as he refilled the hydraulic fluid capsule within his Pak's mechanical arms.
"Excellent! I'll enter your vehicle bay as soon as I can, it'll take some time, don't wanna waste the monies I just earned from my latest promotion on ship repairs y'know?"
"Alright boys, do you think he'll be dead in 1 hour or 2 hours once the operation kicks into gear? Let's bet on this." Zarius's three comrades started pulling out their cash…

HISTORICAL CONTEXT ADDED IN 1599 BOID:
During the course of our questioning of Robio after the fact, he was constantly looking over at the appointed fact enforcer to his left in the interrogation chamber, stuttering, fidgeting in his chair, saying "uh", "I mean", and changing words in his sentences. This obviously means he was being 100% sincere and honest.

ACCOUNT FROM ROBIO THE ARTILLERY OFFICER:
Gerdge was great. He never made mistakes. Everyone loved Gerdge. We wished we could always have a political officer such as him along with us on our campaigns. If I could sacrifice my life to save an Irken political officer I would do it right now twice. Forever.

*****FIVE MONTHS AFTER GERDGE JOINS THE PUNISHMENT, WITHIN THE PLANET-JACKERS STAR SYSTEM*****

ACCOUNT FROM SHOCK ASSAULT SQUAD TROOPER LORFE:
None of us were ready for what we saw. Except Gerdge who was ready for everything as a qualified Irken Political Officer of course. Anyway none of us were unshaken after seeing what appeared to be the ship caught on Station 12's optical record, flinging an entire planet into a white dwarf.
Within the next 7 minutes, 8 other identical ships proceeded to send 8 additional planets inside the sun. Each time the celestial bodies made contact with one another, there was a large plume of white hot solar flares that danced away from the weak star.
It was immediately obvious to the more scientific members of the bridge crew that their intentions were to prolong the life of this dying thing with immense pieces of matter as the fuel.

THOUGHT TRACKER RECORD OF SHOCK ASSAULT SQUAD LEADER ZARIUS:
"Okay, listen up. All these ships are going to the same star, and there's only one planet in this entire system. That leaves only one place for our prey to hide, and it's that craggy rock over there."
Zarius pointed out the window, towards the tan sphere filling the horizon.
"This'll be easy, just like last weeks job." Said Keltz as she zeroed the scope on her Recoilless FAV Rifle, a favor she called in from a general after winning a bet. It was meant to only be given to frontline troops at the front of the Irken armada's spearhead.
"I'm excited to hear em scream…" Lorfe let out another one of his trademark, horrible laughs.
Terrener simply stared into the distance, it's possible he wasn't even looking at anything in particular.
As the 38th Shock Assault Battalion got equipped with their jump packs & munitions, Gerdge walked through the door to the armory.
"My top secret 2nd *URGH* objective on this mission is to *UMFF* present you with one of these!"
*HGGGGGH CLUNK!*
A large metal rectangular prism with a keyboard, satellite dish, and a camera on it was slammed on the table. "This is a Standard-Issue Information Retrieval unit, or SIR for short! We're planning on assigning every Irken Invader one of these someday!" Gerdges face was beaming.
"Who's supposed to carry this thing?" Said Lorfe with a tinge of fear it may be him.
"I nominate Gerdge." Said Zarius, with a slight smile on his face.
Gerdge was beside himself. "ME!? B-but you're the best trained!"
"YOU are the elite of the elite, and besides, obviously since you know more about this doodad than us, the choice is easy on this one."
"That's right! I am the tallest's chosen soldier for this mission! I'll retrieve so much information those ignorant peons won't even be able to hide their longest lasting secrets! FOR THE GLORY OF ALL IRK-KIND!"
Terrener clapped slowly, as Gerdge grabbed his jump pack and headed out of the armory.
"I'm about to win this bet, hehehehe…"

*****9 MINUTES LATER, IN THE ENEMY HOMEWORLD'S ORBIT*****

The airlock alarm was deafening. It made Zarius recall that time 2 cycles ago he had to escape a ship he personally scuttled before it fell into Vortian hands with sensitive intel.
"LOCK AND LOAD GENTLEMEN, IT'S OUR TIME TO SHINE!" Lorfe was shaking with glee.
Zarius turned to Lorfe. "Stay focused. We're going straight to the most populated area according to The Punishment's scanners. We wanna end this quickly."
*1 1-*
All the noise faded from the senses. The 4 heavily armed Shock Troopers and Political Officer Gerdge with his incredibly heavy SIR device set their thrusters to maximum and lept out towards the atmosphere. Zarius looked around for structures, and instructed the men to land several clicks east of them in order to avoid being caught by anti aircraft battery fire. After a grueling 14 minutes of descending to the dirt at high velocity, everyone made it to the ground safely.
ACCOUNT FROM SHOCK ASSAULT SQUAD TROOPER LORFE:
"The landing went off without a hitch. After ditching the then fuelless jump packs to lose the weight, we started to ascend some treacherous, barren hillsides as we tracked our way towards the enemy capitol. I could practically smell their breath, when I spotted a small unidentified creature scurry up Gerdge's right leg. I told him to kill it quickly, but I was too late.
It reached the back of his neck, began to move its 26 razor sharp legs rapidly in a circular, drill-like motion. I heard what sounded like a gas leak and next thing I knew it's legs started to burrow inside his neck, creating visible lumps that resembled bulging veins.
He started screaming at the top of his lungs and vomiting out his organs, blood streaming from his eye sockets. A leg impaled his right eye and it popped out, dangling by its cord.
A small flame emitted from the mysterious beings mouth, and it ignited the air in Gerdge's body all at once causing him to combust into several small flaming chunks, stuck to the mountain wall beside us with his blood acting as an adhesive. Before any of us could process this terrifying incident, 9 more of the monsters started to emerge from the top of the mountain.
I yelled "KILL THEM NOOOOOOOW! USE EVERYTHING! I DON'T WANNA DIIIIIIE!"

THOUGHT TRACKER RECORD OF SHOCK ASSAULT SQUAD SNIPER KELTZ:
Immediately pulling out her FAV rifle as well as setting it to full auto, she activated the targeting assist matrix on her pak and it put a visor over her eyes, setting reticles over each of the 9 hostile fauna and calculating their speeds.
"DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE D-D-D-D-DDD AAAAAGH"
Every missed shot made her panic more. But after enough spraying Ionizing Linear Beams into the landscape, she managed to kill one and it set the gas within its body on fire.
She looks around for more and calls out 5 heading straight towards Zarius. Zarius brandishes the vibro-blade, slashes it towards the ground and chops 3 of the marauding horrors in half, the miniature infernos catching his blade on fire and melting it into useless goop.
Two started to crawl up Zarius's body, Keltz switches the FAV to single shot and downs the one crawling on his back, and pivots her view slightly towards the one stretching the skin around his left eye. She blasts it to oblivion and the small fire melts his eye out, causing him to scream as well.
Terrener, visibly though not audibly scared, calls Robio to enact a fire mission in a close radius around the 4 Shock Assault Troopers. He spots another 20 of the creatures on top of the mountain, yet fails to notice three killer 26-legged creatures approaching him from close behind rapidly.
"GET DOWN NOW!" All 4 hit the deck by the time Terrener finishes the word down.

ACCOUNT FROM ROBIO THE ARTILLERY OFFICER:
I couldn't believe how little the sim graphics do the real job justice. It was downright gorgeous.
Across a 7 Million Square Mile radius on the surface, the shockwaves of the mazer shots reverberated with haste.
The external cameras we sent around the enemy homeworld picked up buildings on the other side of the planet collapsing from the sheer concussive force of The Punishments array of guns.
The comms officer couldn't pick up any signals from the planet for about 3 minutes, when we suddenly heard Zarius, sounding unusually joyous, saying "I was wrong to doubt you. You're a better fighter than some I've met." It was the greatest moment of my career as an Irken who touches screens for a living.

THOUGHT TRACKER RECORD OF SHOCK ASSAULT SQUAD TROOPER LORFE:

"Am I… alive?" He couldn't see from all the dust in his eyes. The Punishments bombardment had created a sandstorm that lasted for the duration of the operation.
He heard a stoic voice reply "Yes, you are alive, and you're still on duty."
Terrener handed everyone thermal eye goggles to thwart the pesky dust being flung every which way, as well as act as a makeshift eyepatch for Zarius's missing eye.
"I'll kill every last one of the- PUH PUAAAHH UGHK" In his effort to curse out the Planet-Jackers he had just choked on yet more sand.
Zarius spoke over comms to the squad members. "Turn back on your air encapsulators, we need to worry more about the enemy and not the new weather forecast we've just created."
The pink glow of the air bubble forming over Lorfes head was still quite bright in the thermal vision, a small comfort in the mission he was previously under-estimating alongside Keltz.
"When we win the war, one of our terms should be that all of those stupid Twenty-Sixers should be exterminated by a joint op of Irkens and Planet Jackers."
"Agreed." Zarius must be just as spiteful against those things as anyone else, Lorfe estimated.
"Do we still know where we're going?" Said Keltz, after looking down at the SIR unit and realizing it was completely wrecked after flying into a boulder.
"'Course, just use the compasses on your paks." Zarius got in his stride once again and took point for us, undaunted by the mess we've just jumped into.

*****2 HOURS LATER, WESTWARD ON A DESTROYED ROAD TO THE ENEMY CAPITOL*****

THOUGHT TRACKER RECORD OF SHOCK ASSAULT SQUAD TROOPER TERRENER:
Terreners mind was racing, but he didn't let it show on the outside. "There better not be any more of those… vermin." Zarius gave a hand signal to stop. He said he could see the walls of the capitol city, and described them as having missile batteries atop to ward off hostile cruisers.
Afterwards he said the battle plan. "There's nothing stopping them from pointing the launchers down towards us if we show ourselves. I propose we disable them before going loud." Keltz looked around at the devastated highway and dust devils and remarked "A little late for that."
"They don't know where WE are, so let's just keep it that way, alright?" Zarius's eye probably looked agitated at the wisecrack, but it's impossible to tell behind the thermal goggles.
"Good thinking, we are outnumbered here." Said Lorfe, gripping his belt-fed DZ-33 tighter than he ever had before.
"My plan to get us into the city is to move slowly and use the storm for visual concealment. We'll avoid firing our weapons until we get through the defensive wall, after which they won't be able to fire their missile array, then we'll blow em sky high!"
"Need my launcher, sir?" Terrener felt reassured by Zarius's confidence. "Yes. Put the pieces together and we'll start crawling."

*****28 MINUTES LATER, AT THE EASTERN WALL OF THE ENEMY CAPITOL*****

THOUGHT TRACKER RECORD OF SHOCK ASSAULT SQUAD LEADER ZARIUS:
Zarius silently extends his Pak's mechanical arms outward and starts to cut a hole in the wall, as Keltz keeps watch around the squad. Terrener de-activates the safety on his multi-capacity rocket launcher, meanwhile Lorfe wraps the ammunition belt of his DZ-33 around his arm and waist.
Zarius whispers quickly over the comms "Check those corners, blast those batteries, and show no mercy. Prisoners are not in our job description today." Lorfe looked like he wanted to laugh out of euphoria at that last comment, but instead chose to give a thumbs up to show his excitement at the prospect of a pure slaughter to maintain a low profile.

COMBINED ACCOUNT FROM SHOCK ASSAULT SQUAD MEMBERS ZARIUS, KELTZ, AND LORFE.

The city was vast. It featured underground passages, street checkpoints with heavy gun emplacements, and sniper towers. If this wretched place didn't have such a firm defense from aerial threats it would have simply been nuked off the map, but alas these missiles were the perfect preventative measure.
Since Zarius lost his Vibro-Blade earlier in the day he couldn't use his classic intimidation technique on any of the guards for intel, so he instructed Keltz to switch to using silent ammunition in her FAV rifle, and gestured towards the nearest sniper tower. After using her Targeting Assist Matrix in tandem with her Thermal Goggles, she could spot the leftward-facing face of the imposing figure awaiting an alien invader visiting its crosshairs.
The thing dropped out of view after she pulled the trigger, without a single clue to the group's whereabouts. She spotted another tower and slowly crept into position to fire upon this new foe's face, a necessary hurdle to getting an assured killshot with the less potent silent ammunition as these beings' backs covered the rest of their head.
The 3 Irken men of the squad left Keltz to her covert devices, in order to head to a stairwell on the inside of the defensive wall.
The staircase led both upwards to the missile array, and underground into the command bunkers.
Zarius took a single look at Lorfe's grin and knew he and his DZ-33 could handle themselves, and motioned for him to move below and seal the door behind him to avoid reinforcements from the surface.
It was up to Zarius to escort Terrener around the premises so he could blast the AA emplacements, which suited him just fine since he got along with Terrener best. Lugging the multi-capacity rocket launcher up the stairs was making him wheeze, but Terrener never slowed his furious pace.
Lorfe heard a meeting between some Planet-Jacker officials echoing throughout the bunker, he knew that if he could take this opportunity, it would mean anarchic chaos for the grunts on the entire planet. He walked slowly up to the heavy door of the conference room, and readied a timed explosive, placing it on the door. He was not expecting the door to be unlocked in the first place and shoved it open, falling face first on the ground and making everyone turn towards him.

*****ON THE SURFACE, STREET LEVEL. 9 MINUTES INTO THE CAPITOL BATTLE*****

THOUGHT TRACKER RECORD OF SHOCK ASSAULT SQUAD SNIPER KELTZ:
The Planet Jackers had raised the alarm. Double-Barrelled tanks started to hover out of their machine shops and began a patrol of the roads around Keltz. She dives under a piece of rubble caused by the orbital bombardment earlier in the day, hoping to lay low from the mechanized menace.
*vrow vroooow VRooow VRRRROOOOWWWWWWWW VROOOOOOWWW*
Keltz hears the tank hovering directly above her body. She takes a peek out from under the thrashed material and notices a hatch on the bottom of the vehicle, and formulates an idea.
"I read about something like this in a historical archive once, time to see if I live up to our reputation…"
She uses her paks mechanical arms to cut a small hole on the bottom of the tank, and leaps inside. The Planet-Jacker inside lets go of the data pad in his hand and starts moving towards Keltz, she tries to bring her rifle to bear but it gets caught in the claustrophobic interior, leaving her unarmed. Keltz was the only member of the team to not bring a backup pistol because she needs the space on her person for additional ammo types, the targeting assist matrix, and her variety of optics.
However, due to her relatively small stature compared to the hulking Planet-Jacker attacking, she could tuck herself in the corner of the tank near the foot pedals and stay safe from his reach. She had another idea. She used the cutter from her paks mechanical arm to cut the barrel of her rifle shorter, turning it into a carbine suitable for CQB. The look on the Planet-Jackers face was priceless as she pulled the trigger.

*****ON TOP OF THE DEFENSIVE WALL, 16 MINUTES INTO THE CAPITOL BATTLE*****

THOUGHT TRACKER RECORD OF SHOCK ASSAULT SQUAD LEADER ZARIUS:
The perimeter wall was nearly 10 stories tall, and the only enemy forces present were a few sentries not looking the right way. Zarius had the same solution for all three he ran into so far, shoving them off their perch so they'd splat on the ground.
He said after the 3rd, "This will save me the ammunition." Terrener gave him an accusatory glance. "OKAY, and I think it's satisfying to hear their gibs burst."
As he turned to walk more on the wall, he saw a Green light cutting through the sandstorm and heading for the city from the opposite end. "I think we're going to have a problem if we stay up here…" The light got brighter. It was a Planet-Jacker gunship.
"We can't stick around! Blow the missiles from here!" Zarius snapped after ducking out of sight.
Terrener took stock of the situation along with Zarius, they counted and noticed 8 Anti-Air defense systems placed upon the wall in total.
"Some of these shots are going to be hard, but I'll do it." Terrener was calling his success.
He holds the forward targeting trigger on his MCRL, and after a beat, presses the launch trigger.
*SSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOONK!*
It dashes towards the battery farthest west, leaving a trail of crimson. ⅛ down.
The Planet-Jacker gunship is now plainly visible as it cuts through the dust with its anti gravity field. "Get behind that Parapet!" barks Zarius, now skittering across the top of the wall with his Pak's mechanical arms. Terrener does likewise, and they both cling to the outward edge of the wall with the assistance of the Irken Empire's greatest physical trait.
The weight of the launcher is too much for a single pair of the arms to bear, so they each carry one end of the accursed crux of this mission.
At this moment, Zarius started to wish that The Punishment had more surgical payloads it could deliver from orbit, but it wasn't designed for subtlety.
The gunship passes over them, and turns back toward the city as it scans the area with two searchlights.
Zarius whispers "Back on track", and then they clamber back onto the wall.
Just from a glance, he could tell the gunship was too heavily armored to be destroyed with a handheld projectile.
After getting into position once more, Terrener starts slowly turning left. He destroys each missile launcher in his vision as it arrives, 2/8, ⅜, 4/8, ⅝, 6/8 get destroyed. The gunship moves to face the two Shock Assault Troopers and starts to say something very loud, very angry, and very foreign over its external speakers.
Zarius is taken aback. "That things about to tear us to shreds! Ditch the MCRL, it'll just get you killed now!" Terrener obliges the order, and starts making a run for the stairs along with him.
They hear a rumbling ahead. *CLANG CLANG CLUNG CLANG CLUNG* It's a horde of enemy soldiers running up the staircase. They turn back to see that the gunship is right above the wall, shining one searchlight at each of them.
"Orders sir?" Terrener whispers. Zarius hangs his head in shame.

*****IN THE UNDERGROUND COMMAND BUNKER, 8 MINUTES INTO THE CAPITOL BATTLE*****

THOUGHT TRACKER RECORD OF SHOCK ASSAULT SQUAD TROOPER LORFE:
As he lifted his head up from the floor, he saw about 42 pairs of eyes looking back at him with a mixture of anger, shock, and fear. As he stands up and the ammo belt of his DZ-33 rattles, the Planet-Jacker that was previously standing up to speak slams his fist on a large orange button on the podium.
The alarm switched on, and it started getting on Lorfe's nerves.
Each member of the Planet-Jacker command started heading for the armory out the opposite door from where Lorfe was standing in a panic, and he squeezed the trigger in their general direction. *RATATATATATATATATTATATATATATAT!*
They all halted their run to the arms, and put their hands up.
Lorfe started looking smug, and began to orate from behind the podium.
"This is the part where I'd take you all prisoner, but I can't negotiate if I can't understand what you're saying."
A Planet-Jacker raises his hand. "Actually I can speak Irk-" *RATATATATATATATATATATTATATATATATATATATATATTATATATATATATTAATATAT- Lorfe wasn't listening, he pulled the trigger again and waved it across the conference room. -RATATATATATATATATATATATATATTATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATTATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATTATATATAT!*
From left to right, each Planet-Jacker in view started falling over and their arms held up in surrender went limp. All the maps and portraits of great leaders of times past hung on the walls started getting perforated or smashing into the floor.
Legs were being chewed off by the relentless stream of bullets. A few unlucky ones got torn in half by the furious enfilade.
One older member of the board started to cry. Lorfe saved him for last as he could only helplessly watch. *HAHHAHAHARATTTATATATATHAHAHAHHAAHRATATTATATATATHAHAHAHAHAHRATATTATATATATAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAH!*
The carnage was over. A ceiling fan detached from being shot up and it's circuits started to spark. A pool of blood cascaded down the steps of the facility. Smoke was so abundant from the execution that it almost resembled the sandstorm on the surface. A broadcast on the view screen behind him interrupts the silence.
He doesn't know what's being said, but he recognizes Terrener & Zarius in the spotlights from the gunships camera.
Lorfe suddenly stops feeling invincible as his gut sinks.
He keeps watching, and eventually sees a feed from a Planet-Jackers body camera as the pair of troopers are taken underground, to the same structure as the conference room.
"They're not getting away with this!" He exclaims, while running to the interrogation chamber he saw in the feed.

*****IN THE UNDERGROUND INTERROGATION CHAMBER, 28 MINUTES INTO THE CAPITOL BATTLE*****

THOUGHT TRACKER RECORD OF SHOCK ASSAULT SQUAD TROOPER TERRENER:
"He's planning something… he won't let us just die… he's planning something… he won't let us just die… he's planning something… he won't let us just die… he's planning something… he won't let us just die… he's planning something… he won't let us just die…" The thoughts repeated.

THOUGHT TRACKER RECORD OF SHOCK ASSAULT SQUAD LEADER ZARIUS:

Zarius looked around after having the blinding headset removed. After his pistol and thermal goggles were confiscated, he started to feel the sting of the bunker's air circulation in his empty left eye socket.
The 2 guards to his front were visibly disturbed by the injury, trying their best not to look at him.
Zarius saw the door to the chamber open. A Planet-Jacker clad in white had a glass jar with a cloth over it, and placed it on the table in front of the troopers.
The Planet-Jacker smiled, and removed the cloth to reveal a 26-Legged small creature within the capsule.
Terrener started screaming at the top of his lungs.
The torturer grabbed the creature from the jar with a special tool and held it out for both troopers to see. When he held it in front of Zarius, he simply glared at the torturer in anger. When he held it in front of Terrener, he continued to scream, and started kicking his legs in every direction.
The torturer kept his eyes on Terrener and slowly started moving behind him.
"I'LL KILL YOU WHERE YOU STAND! YOU'RE A MONSTER!"
The torturer didn't even flinch at Zarius's shouting. He let go of the Twenty-Sixer behind his neck, and it started to drill into his flesh. He pressed a button on the wall of the chamber that turned his chair to face Zarius's chair.
Terrener stopped screaming, and started to bite his lip so hard it started bleeding. Bile started to seep out of his mouth. Zarius weakly uttered "I'm sorry…"
Terrener looked him in his eye, and then his insides were combusted by the beast, charring his tongue and killing him instantly.

*****IN THE UNDERGROUND BUNKER, 27 MINUTES INTO THE CAPITOL BATTLE*****

THOUGHT TRACKER RECORD OF SHOCK ASSAULT SQUAD TROOPER LORFE:
*VRRRRRRRRGUCHOOK!* Lorfe heard a strange sound. Then he saw a shape move at the end of the hall. *PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW!* An automated sentry gun had just risen from the floor in front of him.
He rolled into the open custodian closet to his left, and reached for his waist in a hurry. "Amatuers." He primed a pulse grenade and rolled it down the corridor, and heard the commotion of success. *ZZZZZAP!*
He continued to charge down the walkway towards an intersecting hall and bumped right into a pair of Planet-Jackers wheeling a cart with a heavy machine gun with a tripod attached on it. Still on the floor, he scrambled to take his DZ-33, squeezed the trigger, and ripped the soldier with blue eyes apart.
The yellow-eyed one jumped onto the cart, grabbed the Machine guns handles and pointed it at Lorfe's head. The Irken swiftly kicked the cart and sent it careening away from him as the Planet-Jacker unloaded the gun. He then opened fire on the enemy, the hail of bullets struck the spare magazines on the bottom rung of the cart causing them to explode and kill the now not so intimidating adversary.
After hearing what sounded like an explosion in the distance, he came upon the interrogation chamber he saw his comrades being moved into, and placed a timed charge on the door while simultaneously pulling out his pistol for CQB in the cramped room.

*****IN THE UNDERGROUND INTERROGATION CHAMBER, 32 MINUTES INTO THE CAPITOL BATTLE*****

THOUGHT TRACKER RECORD OF SHOCK ASSAULT SQUAD LEADER ZARIUS:
"I've failed you, and now it's my turn to die." Zarius thought in defeat. He was staring at the hollow husk that used to be Terrener in front of him. It made him furious that he just lost his 11th subordinate of his career. *BOOM!* The door to the chamber busted down, and an Irken silhouette aimed its weapon at the guard to the right. *BLAM! BLAM!* Before the other guard could process what was happening, he got the same treatment from Lorfe. He was dead before he hit the ground.
The torturer grabbed his sidearm and ducked behind Zarius, aiming their pistol at his head purposefully in view of Lorfe. "I'M NOT YOUR HOSTAGE!" He shrieks, as he does a backwards headbutt into the torturer's face. He recoils in pain, as Lorfe dives to the left for a clear shot and shoots the gun out of his hand.

Lorfe extends his Paks mechanical arms and cuts the restraints on Zarius while still facing and menacing the torturer.
Zarius steals a Planet-Jacker assault rifle from one of the dead guards and also points it at the torturer.
"Lorfe, this is my most important order yet." Said Zarius while grinning.
"What could that be?" Lorfe said in sarcastic amusement.
"Put a timed charge in his mouth."
"Sir yes sir!"
The torturer didn't know what was going on, and kept his hands up like an obedient weakling should.
The two troopers calmly retrieved Terreners Thought Tracker, their stolen equipment from the box at the front of the room, and then turned around to watch the show.
His torso exploded and orange blood coated every surface of the room, including the two living shock assault troopers.
Lorfe licked his lips.

*****ON THE SURFACE, STREET LEVEL. 40 MINUTES INTO THE CAPITOL BATTLE*****

THOUGHT TRACKER RECORD OF SHOCK ASSAULT SQUAD LEADER ZARIUS:
"Terrener destroyed 6 of the 8 Anti-Air defense systems, but we lost the launcher on the wall."
"Should we go find it?" replied Lorfe optimistically.
"That's a non-starter. We're too vulnerable to their gunships…"
He heard a sound. *vrow vroooow VRooow-* "What's that?" Lorfe whispered.
Zarius didn't hear him. He was too busy bracing for his death. A hover tank moved into view and was pointing its twin cannons directly at the shock assault troopers.
"It's me!"
Lorfe & especially Zarius were floored. Keltz was the one piloting the tank. "Hurry up and get in before we're seen!" They rushed up the side of it with assistance from their mechanical arms, and closed the top hatch behind them as a gunship spotlight passed over the armored beast.
"I've been looking for you guys after I saw the- wait…"
Zarius & Lorfe just stared at each other in silence, wondering how to break the bad news.
"I never imagined anything like this…" said Keltz, her antennae drooping down.
"This tank, how far can it aim its cannons up?" Asked Zarius, now renewed with hope after receiving Keltz's gift of heavy artillery.
"Pretty far, why?"
"I want you to exit the city to the south and destroy the last two anti aircraft systems with this tank." Keltz nodded in agreement with Zarius, and after a beat said "Okay, but I need your help. This tank was designed for creatures twice our size and uh… I can't reach the foot pedals."
Lorfe crawled toward the two pedals and got acquainted with pressing them with his arms.
"Ugh, this is humiliating…" he said while on all fours.
Zarius couldn't hold back his laughter.
"Don't worry, this'll be easy, they don't know I stole this thing!" She had a toothy smile across her face.
Zarius looked at the external camera feeds and watched as Keltz drove past about 5 enemy hover tanks without them asking questions.

*****IN THE DESERT 1.5 MILES SOUTH OF THE CITY, 1 HOUR 13 MINUTES INTO THE CAPITOL BATTLE*****

THOUGHT TRACKER RECORD OF SHOCK ASSAULT SQUAD TANK COMMANDER KELTZ:
She says it with her most evil inner voice possible:"This cesspit will meet its fate soon enough..." She turns the tank around to face the city, and uses the target locator to take aim at the last two batteries at the same time with each of the barrels, gripped with anticipation for Zarius's orders. "WAAAAAIT!" Barks Zarius, who then says "CAMERA 14!" Keltz looks at the monitor feed and spots a green light in the cloud of sand to their southwest. "That's an enemy gunship, we can't let it live!" Keltz aims at the gunship, but is then unable to see anything on the aiming scope. "What gives? This piece of junk is holding out on us!"
She's incredibly angry. Zarius looks at one of the external cameras and realizes the gunship is blinding the cannon optics with its spotlights. The gunship unleashes a storm of lasers at the tank, the ringing and vibrations giving Keltz a gnarly headache.
"I'll grab it's attention!" Before anyone can object, Zarius goes through the hole cut in the bottom of the Hover Tank and makes a run for it carrying Lorfe's DZ-33.

THOUGHT TRACKER RECORD OF SHOCK ASSAULT SQUAD LEADER ZARIUS:
After running through the torrential sand storm for a full minute, Zarius looks for the green lights on the gunship and lifts the machine gun to point towards it, at great physical effort.
*RATATATATTATATATATATATATTATATATATATATATATTATATATATAT!*
The gunship does not turn, and simply shifts one of its spotlights to paint Zarius as a target. Closing his eye, Zarius hopes his luck hasn't run out yet, and fires another volley, this time whipping the stream of projectiles wildly about.
*RATATATATATTATATATATATATATATATTAATTATATATATATATATATATATATATTATATATATATATATATTATATATATATATATATAT!*
He manages to hit the spotlight twice and opens his eye, regretting it instantly as the second spotlight blinds him again.
*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!*

THOUGHT TRACKER RECORD OF SHOCK ASSAULT SQUAD PEDAL-PUSHER LORFE:
"Did you get it? Did you get it? Tell me!" asked Lorfe, who was getting a cramp being contorted at his station. "Be quiet, we need to go pick up Zarius!" "Push the left pedal for 2 seconds and then press both of them firmly until I tell you to stop." "ROGER!"
Lorfe strained himself to perform his duty. "HUGHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAHHHHH"
"Can you do that without making those noises? My head still hurts from that gunship barrage!"
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH no, anyway HOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH"
"Ugh, I wish YOU died instead."
"Don't say that." Said Zarius, who sneakily got in through the bottom as the tank passed him over.
"Yes sir, Zarius sir…" responded Keltz.
"Blow those batteries, NOW." Snapped Zarius, clearly feeling underpaid for his service at the moment.
After more excruciating pressing of the foot pedals, Lorfe was going a little mad from the task.
He overheard Keltz say "Bye Bye Batteries.", before hitting his head on the frontal slope of armor after the recoil of the tank firing jolted him forward. "GAH!" 8/8 Defense systems totaled.
"Tell ya what Lorfe, I'll take a turn pushing the pedals. Climb up here and monitor the external cameras." "Thank you commander, I'll always be grateful for your command!"
"Since when were you sentimental?" Said Keltz, giggling slightly.
"Keltz, get us to a minimum safe distance of 5 miles. Lorfe, once we reach 5 miles do the honors and have The Punishment get in orbit above the capitol and level the dump."
Lorfe simply nodded, Keltz rubbed her hands together before starting away further south of the city.

*****ON THE BRIDGE OF THE PUNISHMENT, IN ORBIT OF THE ENEMY HOMEWORLD. 1 HOUR 46 MINUTES INTO THE CAPITOL BATTLE*****
ACCOUNT FROM ROBIO THE ARTILLERY OFFICER:

After what felt like an eternity, we finally got another message from The 38th Shock Assault Battalion. It was asking the pilot to hover above the capitol city, stating that not only had they disabled the defenses, but that they were clear of any potential bombardment of it. My pulse skipped a beat, I targeted the city, and configured the Mazers of The Punishment to fire 120000 times in 7 minutes. After swallowing, I tapped the fire button. The bombardment was so fierce that the planet suffered a worldwide quake that lasted a full 18 hours after the fact. After the 7 minutes of firing subsided, the bridge crew examined the damage and determined that the crater we pounded into the surface was 3 miles wide, and 8 miles deep at its lowest point. We proceeded to jettison 3 Jump Packs for the 38th to return to The Punishment with.

*****ON THE BRIDGE OF THE PUNISHMENT, ⅔ OF THE WAY BACK TO THE IRKEN ARMADA, 7 MONTHS AFTER THE CAPITOL BATTLE*****
THOUGHT TRACKER RECORD OF SHOCK ASSAULT SQUAD TROOPER LORFE:
"So what happens next?" Said the Irken cradling his beloved DZ-33.
"Next Qerer of the Unknown Species Domination Council is going to force the Planet-Jackers to sign his treaty." Said Keltz.
"What are the terms?" Lorfe continued.

Zarius stood up and orated it. "The acknowledgement of the superiority of Irkens as a race, an agreement to never jack planets the Irkens have marked for conquest or currently occupy, and the extermination of all 26er life."
Zarius put his hand on Lorfe's shoulder. "I fought very, very hard for that last one to be thrown in."

*****90 YEARS LATER, IN THE NEW PLANET-JACKER CAPITOL CITY*****
INTERVIEW FROM IRKEN DELEGATION FOR THE APPROVED PRESS:
"It's wonderful, absolutely immaculate in every single conceivable way. We've all been waiting for this a long time, and here it is! A monument to the greatest hero of the Irken Planet-Jacker War!"
The presenter removes the curtain from the statue. Made from shining, shimmering mundanium, it's a massive recreation of Gerdge The Political Officer holding his prototype SIR unit and smiling.

This record of a war past was made possible by Irken Military Intelligence and the Inquisitorian kandriod. Own the video game coming soon!