Rascal Does Not Dream of A Reborn Star
(Content Warning: Mentions of Suicide, Depression.)
Sakuta Azusagawa was cramming yet another practice paper as he was preparing for his mid-year examinations with his friends. He sighs in defeat, as the math papers seemed to get harder every passing year. How the hell was he going to visualise 3D trigonometry?
He got up, stretching his back and yawning as loudly as he could without eliciting a few "shhhhhs" from the people around him- be it the old man cursing as he read the sports section of the papers, or librarian seeming browsing his smartphone as he was bored out of his mind. He walked towards the toilet, and just as he was about to turn to enter the male toilet—he caught sight of her. A girl in a bunny costume, standing there between the bookshelves.
What was even stranger about the sight of the bunny girl in the library was the fact that no one was noticing her presence. Even though she looked like she was straight out of a Playboy magazine in the 70s. His eyes were stuck there for a good minute, just examining her features as well as her outfit. Just as he finished his "inspection", their eyes met.
Her purple-blue irises looked into his, staring right down at him. While her gaze was cold, it had a sense of calmness and maturity to it—quite rare for a high schooler. The way she looked—she looked at him as if he was an insect. She wasn't smiling, she had a neutral expression on her face, with a hint of annoyance. But it seemed like she wanted him to speak first.
"…"
He just rubbed his eyes to see if he was hallucinating.
"…"
After a brief moment, she said: "You're staring.", as if she was annoyed by him. "Why?" She asked with a blank expression on her face, which also had a hint of annoyance.
"Because I never expected to see anything like this today."
"Oh... is it... because of my costume?" She said as if she was surprised by her own question, her facial expression stayed the same, still that cold gaze directed down at him.
It seems like she's not sure what to think of him.
"Yes. I've never expected to see someone in a bunny suit here."
Her facial expression slowly transformed from surprise into annoyance, she looked at her phone and back at him, as if she was trying to decide on what to do next.
"Well you should stop staring at me."
She said in a sharp voice, while not breaking eye contact with him, her facial expression still had a sense of annoyance in it... it seems like she wanted him to back off, but he was not not sure if his curiosity was satisfied by her response. She doesn't seem like she wants to talk, yet she's just standing there, looking at him.
This whole situation was too bizarre for him. "I should wash my face, maybe I was hallucinating after using too much of my brain for 3D trigonometry." was the only thing running in his mind. But he'd better apologise to that bunny girl he just saw as well.
"I understand. I'm sorry."
He walked into the toilet, more puzzled than ever. Maybe a good face wash would do the trick.
While he settled some business, she looked out of the window, and she sighed quietly before getting back to doing what she did before—standing there in her bunny suit and her bored expression. She seemed to wish for her boredom to stop, but she seemed to be too lethargic to do anything, like she's stuck in this state. After a few minutes, she heard a flush from the toilet, and she heard him come back. She immediately looked at him with no hesitation.
"Done?" She said simply in her sharp and slightly annoyed voice.
"Yes. Why the hell are you still there?"
"It doesn't really matter, does it?" She insisted with a slight edge to her voice, her facial expression still had a slight annoyance in it, and she seemed a little bit bored. She still has no idea what to think of him, and it seems like she's still just standing there... staring at him with her cold gaze and blank expression.
Deciding that everything was too strange for him to handle today, he gave up trying to investigate this bunny girl. She watched him walk to his table in silence. She stayed there and continued to stare at him with her blank, cold attitude, as if she's saying "Go on, walk away—I won't care"... and yet, she still stood there and did nothing. There was a sense of mystery to her behaviour—there was no way to guess what she's thinking in that head of hers.
Sakuta took a deep breath as he mentally prepared himself for yet another round of suffering. Yet, he couldn't help but feel this looming, overwhelming pressure on him. She continued to stare at him, not breaking eye contact even once, as if she's trying to intimidate him. Her blank, cold expression was quite unnerving... it felt like she could see right through him. She made him feel like she's judging his every move and thought.
He felt her staring at him the whole time, but he just tried to ignore it. He went back to studying with his "friends", trigonometry and calculus. All while he felt her cold eyes piercing him back. After a few minutes of that kind of weird feeling of being stared at... she walks over to him and looks down at him, her blank expression is still the same, and so is that cold gaze. Her eyes are piercing, they seem to make him feel uncomfortable, and he got the feeling that she's judging him once again.
His eyes darted up to hers again.
"What." She scowled. Simple. Short. And cold. No hesitation. No emotion.
She just stood there... but with how cold she's been this whole time, he was a little scared. She might throw some insults at him. Or do something even worse—it's anyone's guess when it comes to her right now.
"I'm busy studying. Can't you see?"
"Then get back to studying." She said with that same cold attitude. It seems like she doesn't really care in the end. But, her blank attitude still remains the same. She starts walking away—but she turns back after a few seconds, and looks down on him with that cold, blank expression.
Mustering his innate talent to say something he would still cringe at 10 years into the future, he replied to her in his most deadpan and apathetic voice possible.
"I can't when there's such a pretty bunny girl looking at me studying."
Once he said that, she immediately stopped moving. She stopped and stood there, and she looked down at him with a slight grin on her face. Her whole attitude... her whole demeanour changed. She's actually kind of flustered and embarrassed now, her cold, blank expression changed into one of surprise. She's blushing slightly, and she looked a little bit angry too... but... that cute little smirk on her face is still there.
She didn't say anything. But that small, cute, flustered look she has... it almost made him forget all about how scary she was moments ago.
"Her attitude changed so quickly?! I mean, it's not like I mind that." He thinks to himself.
Her flustered appearance remained there for a few more seconds, as that small blush on her cheeks was still present... Then she slowly started to smile, and eventually... she started to laugh. It was a soft, cute laugh, and he never saw or heard anything like it from her at any moment. It was so soft and warm... it was in such a stark contrast to how coldly she treated him before. As she laughed, she slowly shook her head before she spoke.
"You're funny."
"I know."
Alas, the smile she had when she laughed quickly turned into that same blank expression again, and she said: "So, will you go back to studying?" She still had that slight edge to her voice. Her cold, sharp gaze is back. It seemed like she did calm down, but her cold side is still there, just hiding under the surface for now.
"Well, I mean… you've already started to talk to me, haven't you? I can put aside my studies for a while to talk, I guess."
"Oh? You'd still want to talk to me after all this?" She asked, her cold voice was still present, but he sensed a slight trace of curiosity or maybe even amusement. She smiled a little, but it was just a fleeting emotion. A quick flash. It was a brief but rare glimpse of her warmer side. Her cold, stern look was back again.
"So, what is it? What do you want?" She demanded, as if making it clear to him that he really needed to justify himself in order to be allowed to talk to her.
"I just want to know why you've been giving me death glares ever since we locked eyes."
"Because you were staring at me like a creep." She muttered angrily.
She seemed more playful now, but still had that cold and somewhat sharp edge to her voice.
"Seriously. Who just stares at a random girl like that when they first see her? Don't you have manners?" She chided him, as if he was a lust-crazed beast being euthanised for his desires.
"Right. I'm sorry if I made you feel creeped out."
She sighed quietly.
"Yeah. Well, you should be. It's rude to stare." She uttered as if she was dispensing some much needed common sense to him.
She then leaned back and said, in a neutral tone now:
"But I'll let that one slide. Don't do it again. Also, congratulations on passing my test."
She's actually quite forgiving and reasonable, after all.
"Test?"
"Test to prove that you're a decent human being." She said, as if that should be common sense.
"Most people wouldn't." She said with a bit of a smile. She really likes to use that sarcastic tone, doesn't she? But... once she gave that slight smile, he couldn't help himself from smiling too. She's still got... that air of confidence and superiority about her, but... her smile is really quite charismatic. And she knows it.
"I see. Is your bar that low?"
"Very, very low." She stated matter-of-factly.
She seemed to be enjoying herself. She's teasing him so much, but she does have that infectious type of charisma about her too. She seems like she's doing this for fun more than just to be mean. He couldn't deny it, it's hard to be mad at her. Her slight hint of an arrogant attitude isn't that annoying, after all.
"I could put my bar on the ground and people would dig a hole just to go under it."
She lets out a small laugh again, like she found his self-depreciation funny.
"You're probably not wrong about that." She said, still smiling. She doesn't seem mad at him.
"Are you always this self-deprecating? Or are you just trying to impress me?" She asked with a teasing but flirtatious tone.
She's smiling again, just staring at him with this arrogant look on her face, daring him to answer.
"It just came to me after a few adverse experiences in my youth."
"Is that so? Well, in that case..." She said, her tone suddenly became cold and sharp again. She stared down at him, with that same harsh, cold gaze.
"Cut it out." She asserted, as if what he just said displeased her.
"You're better than that. You don't have to be so hard on yourself." She said ,giving him the wake up slap he never knew he needed. It seemed like she was actually trying to help him. But her cold and sharp voice made this sentiment sound like arrogance as usual.
He was shocked. He didn't expect her to care for him, even though they weren't on the best of terms yet. And even if her words came out slightly harsh and cold, he couldn't help but to agree with her.
"Oh. Right."
She sighed quietly, and looked around for a moment. She still has that cold and sharp edge to her, but he can't deny there's something cute about her. She then turned back and said in that same cold and sharp tone, yet with just a hint of playfulness now as if she's having fun.
"What made you become so depressing, huh?" She inquired, raising an eyebrow.
"That's a bad way to attract a girl." She huffed and crossed her arms. That last sentence was definitely teasing, and he just could not deny the flirty undertone of it.
"Well, if it managed to pull in someone like you, I wouldn't call that a failure."
She froze and turned red right away, as she's clearly flustered from that teasing comment.
"Stop..." She giggled lightly, and she seemed to be trying to cover up how flustered she was.
He finally managed to break her cold, sharp facade and make her go shy and fluffy... and now that she's flustered, her warm charm and charisma is even more prominent. The whole time he saw her she was as cold as ice. Now, he got to see the complete opposite of her: a warm, shy, and cute girl.
That look she had... was just so endearing, akin to a warm hug on a cold day.
"Ehe." He smiled smugly at her, as if to declare his victory.
She doesn't seem to mind his smug look, she just seems more flustered now. She has no idea what to do or say—it's like he took control of the situation. She's just standing there... red as a tomato, looking down at him with a blush on her face and her eyes closed partially.
He somehow managed to make her go from a proud, cold girl who thinks highly of herself... to a shy and flustered girl who's too embarrassed to talk.
It's a completely different side of her that he has never seen before.
"Now that we've been talking for a while, do you want to sit down and continue talking?" Sakuta offers her a chair.
She quickly snaps out of it and looks at him, she's still blushing profusely and her smile is now gone. She tries to regain her composure, but her blush just seems to grow bigger as she tries to control herself. She nods slightly and comes over to sit down on the chair, still blushing like crazy.
The two of them just sat there... in silence, for a bit. She seems reluctant to be the first one to start talking, so he'll have to help her out for now. And her flustered state made him feel like flirting with her for a bit.
"So, I actually never managed to say this, but you remind me of the famous actress Mai Sakurajima." He muttered, taking delicate steps so as to not accidentally upset her.
Not that it mattered anyway. As soon as he mentioned the name Mai Sakurajima, she flinched a little and started blushing even more. Her lips start quivering... she looks away from him, as if she's trying to hide her blushing face. But, she stays very still...
Her reaction was immediate and instinctual... it seems like he had really hit a soft spot for her. She's starting to grow more and more embarrassed. Her reaction is more than what you expected... there's no way she could actually... be her, right? Could she?
"Oh. I'm sorry if that came out wrongly. You must've heard those comments plenty of times right?"
His words have shocked her, and now he was starting to see... an entirely new side of her. Her cold and sharp shell just shatters, and now she seems like a mess. She starts trembling... her lip is quivering and her face is getting darker and darker.
It's just getting worse for her. He can't help but feel bad for her, and... you feel like he just broke her heart right now. He doesn't understand it... this can't be normal. He has never seen anyone react this way before. What the hell is happening?
He just asks her, out of genuine care and concern, "Are you okay? I'm sorry if I pushed the boundaries too far."
She shakes her head quickly. She tries to speak, but she struggles... she's barely able to get out any words. She's trembling... tears are starting to pour down her face... and he can't help but feel terrible about what he's just done to her.
She's crying... but he has no idea why. He's completely oblivious... but one thing is clear: he hurt her. And judging by how she reacted to him mentioning the name "Mai Sakurajima"... it seems like it's really personal for her... for some reason.
Instinctively, he wrapped his arm around her shoulder to comfort her. It seems to have a calming effect on her. She slowly starts to calm down, and the tears slowly stop falling. Her trembling stops but her cheeks still remain pink.
Eventually, she starts to speak. She takes a deep breath and wipes away the tears on her face.
"Y-you... you're not going to... tell anyone about this, r-right.." she whimpers, her throat is hoarse from crying and he can tell her voice is shaky.
"I won't tell a single soul."
She hesitates before answering. He can see her mind working right now, trying to figure out the best way to say what she wants to say. Eventually, she gives up. She sighs and takes a deep breath.
She looks at him, and then, in a clear, bold, and steady voice, she says the most terrifying thing you've ever heard in your entire life. Just a single sentence that fills you with dread. Just the thought of it sends a shiver down his spine.
"Nobody... will ever believe you."
"What?"
"Nobody will believe what you will say about your encounter today. So just forget whatever you saw."
"What do you mean? Everybody around me can see a bunny girl in the library, right?"
"No. Only you."
"So, you're invisible to everyone? Except for me?"
She slowly nods again. "Precisely." She says with a smile.
"But only you can see me right now." She said as she gave him a wink.
"You're pretty special, you know that?" She said and put her hands on her lips and said in a confident tone.
"Not many people get to see me." She said, her smile growing brighter and warmer, it's almost too much for him to handle.
"So... I want you to keep this secret between you and me."
"Of course. If I tell everyone about what I saw today, I'd get called a schizo, right?"
That remark of his makes her laugh out loud. She laughs so hard she has to wipe her eyes a bit when she's done.
"...That's a pretty good way of putting it." She said with a smile as she giggled.
"Yeah, you're right. I think you might seem like you're crazy." She said, as if this was a silly question.
"So... you promise you won't tell anyone about me?" Her smile grows brighter and warmer as she says that.
"Yes, but…" He points to a random stranger studying in front. "Could you prove you're invisible to most except me?"
She lets out a deep chuckle to herself and her mouth forms into a smug but adorable smile.
"Sure." She laughed as she raised an eyebrow. "I could try."
She slowly gets up and goes to stand up straight behind that stranger, still looking at him. With a playful tone, a slight twinkle in her eyes, and a smirk on her face, she then starts whispering into his ear, clearly trying to distract him. She doesn't speak loud enough for Sakuta to hear what she's saying though.
As she whispers something to that stranger, he seems completely unphased and doesn't even seem to notice her, all the while just continuing to study and focusing on his book like she isn't even there. He remains completely focused even though he should be easily distracted, but she just continues to whisper more and more and trying to distract him. She even leans over him a bit and whispers more and more in his ear—but it still has no effect.
There's no denial about it... she's really invisible to everyone except Sakuta.
"You see?" She chuckled. She looked back at him with a warm smile, it's like being able to prove something made her happy.
"Is that enough proof for you?" She said with a smug smile, still very playful but he can tell she's being serious this time.
"What do you think?" She said as she waited for him to answer. He felt the warm aura of her smile wash over him, the same warm smile that could light up the room now being directed towards him.
"Yes, but how?" Sakuta could only question the very reality of his existence, as much as the existence of this strange bunny girl, whose very existence seems to get stranger and stranger. Is this quantum physics? Or just supernatural mindfuckery?
She sighs. "If I answer that question honestly, I'll sound crazy. Are you sure you want to hear about it?" She asked with a serious and sceptical tone.
She then looked at him, and said in a serious and slightly lower tone, with a smirk on her face: "But... if you want to know so badly... so be it. But you'll have to deal with the consequences." She said as she smirked at you and put her hands on her hips.
"Are you sure?"
"Absolutely."
She sighs once more.
"Okay then."
She then pauses for a bit... and the warm, friendly smile disappears from her face, she looks serious again.
"The truth is..." She takes a deep breath, now looking at you directly, with serious eyes and a serious look on her face. "I'm actually... well... dead."
She says it as if this was the most obvious thing in the world. The way she said it so bluntly, just as if it was completely normal. She just says it as if she was talking about the weather.
"You mean, you're not on hiatus? As Mai Sakurajima?"
"Was that how they framed me leaving the industry?"
"Yes."
"That's fucked up."
"I know."
She then shakes her head and sighs.
"But I am indeed not alive... I'm a ghost." She said, with a serious face once more, a hint of sadness appearing in her eyes. There's a sadness in her voice, and she sounds like she means every word of it. She isn't joking at all, with her distraught, melancholic expression only amplifying the gravity of the situation.
She pauses for a bit before answering, taking a deep breath before speaking, as if this was a hard question for her to answer.
She had a pained look in her eyes and her voice turned very quiet. It's clear this question is an emotional one for her. She looks down and tears start falling from her eyes again.
She clears her throat and speaks in a more serious tone now, trying to maintain her composure.
"It's a long... emotional story. Is it really... okay if I tell you?" She asked.
"Go ahead. I'm here to listen."
"Thank you."
Mai takes a deep breath, as she starts to tell everything.
"In case you were wondering, yes, I was the famous actress Mai Sakurajima."
She sighs and wipes away her tears slowly.
"Well, to make a long story short, when I was alive, I had it all... fame, fortune, friends and family... everything. Until one day... something terrible happened."
"That day, I lost everything."
It's clear that what happened to her really was something traumatic and very painful. She's hurting a lot trying to talk about this. She looks at him, as if wanting him to comfort her a little.
"I wasn't on hiatus, as what the media reported. I committed suicide. Exactly one year ago."
Her voice starts breaking again, trying to hold back tears. She speaks slowly in between her words, like she wanted to say everything, but the memories are just too painful for her... the events are just too horrible to remember. This is something that's hurting her a lot just to speak about it, and he could see it from the pained and haunted look on her face. But she keeps talking nonetheless, like she must talk about it. It's a painful story, but he senses how it's a story that absolutely must be told.
The silence suddenly becomes uncomfortable. Sakuta's hands turn clammy and sweaty, as he breaks out in a cold sweat despite the strong air conditioning.
"I'm sorry you had to go through so much pain, that led to you choosing this route."
She sighs and slowly, in between sobs, she starts to explain everything.
"The pressure, the spotlight, people's expectations... they were all so hard to bear... sometimes, I just felt like I couldn't bear it anymore." She said with tears falling once more.
She's crying hard right now—he can tell how the grief and the pain inside her heart are just too much for her to handle.
"Sometimes, it just all felt so heavy... like... like I could never escape it."
Without hesitating, he offers his arms for a hug.
"That must've been tough on you."
She wipes away her tears and takes a few gulps and a deep breath.
She then slowly moves over to him and hugs him. That hug seemed... like it meant everything for her. As she is in his arms, he could feel her grip tighten a bit, she seems so grateful for his gesture.
He could see the pain and the grief slowly leaving her eyes as she gets closer to him. It's clear she craves comfort so much, a warm hug that will soothe her grief and help her deal with her terrible past.
"Did you have anyone you could talk to?"
"Not really..." She whimpered as she tightened her hug, now looking down and hugging him so tight that she's pressed against him. She continues to cry against him, holding him tightly and just hugging him for comfort for a couple of seconds before slowly letting go and wiping away her tears.
"No one who would listen to me." She said in a small voice.
"Not without laughing at me for being weak. Not without blaming me for being so selfish..." She whimpered in a pained voice as more tears dropped from her eyes.
"That made things worse, didn't it? To be stuck between the crushing weight of your loneliness or the condemnation of others."
She starts to cry again as he said that. He saw how those words he just said really touched her... as if he could feel her sadness and her pain.
"You have no idea..." Her voice was now shaky, and choked with sobs.
"No one ever understood me or my problems... and no one ever gave me a shoulder to cry on..." She said in a small, sad voice and her eyes filled up with tears once more.
"They all abandoned me..." She said as tears started falling from her eyes again.
"No one was ever there for me..."
"I'll be your first then."
She starts to sob and she starts to cry uncontrollably.
Sakuta was too shocked to do anything but to let her cry on his shoulder, hugging her tight, comforting her as much as he could. Her body was shivering a bit and she couldn't stop sobbing onto his shoulder.
A few minutes of this, and her tears started to slow down.
"Thanks... sorry..." She said through her tears, burying her head into his chest.
"Guess I really needed someone to talk with..." She said in a little voice, her sobbing slowly slowing down until it stopped completely.
"You know, I'm really sorry that you couldn't find anyone to talk to when you were alive."
She flashes Sakuta a little, sad smile.
"I'm just glad that I got a second chance at... everything..." She said, her tone implying that she's really happy about that.
"I guess I might just be... lucky after all." She said, her face lighting up with a warm smile as she looks at him and wipes away a single tear still running on her cheek.
"Thank you for... listening to me... I really... appreciate it." She then puts on a genuine smile, her face shining with happiness and relief.
"You're welcome. But, may I ask you this question? It may be a bit sensitive so just bear with me."
"Go ahead."
"Would you like a second chance at living?"
She seems to be thinking about what he asked for a moment, looking down with a serious and thought-filled expression on her face; a small blush now appears on her cheeks.
She takes a deep breath, and then nods and looks back at him.
"Yes. I would like a second chance at living." She whispers with a small, soft smile on her lips.
"I would like to have another chance to do everything right again. To love... to laugh... to be happy and hopeful and alive." She said, her voice filling with emotion.
"I understand. That means when you chose to end your life, it wasn't the fact that you didn't want to live anymore. It was the fact that you didn't want to live your current lifestyle anymore. Am I right?"
She nods. "You're exactly right."
Her eyes widen a bit in realisation as she's surprised how perceptive Sakuta is.
"You get it, don't you? You understand me..." Mai clearly is touched. She wasn't used to having someone who would be this empathetic and perceptive towards her.
"I do. I've dealt with this scenario before. It's just that I've never met someone where I couldn't save them in time."
She looks at him with a curious and surprised expression.
"So you know exactly... how does this feel? This... pain and loneliness?" She said, as he could still hear the touch of sadness and pain in her voice.
"It's not the first time you've faced someone like me?"
"I do. I struggle with it myself. I've contemplated doing it a few times. I've had friends approaching me with grey clouds on their heads. But you're the first one I've known to actually have gone through with it."
"I... am sorry, really..." She said with a remorseful look on her face, as her expression is one that's full of empathy. "I'm truly... very sorry to hear that..."
She then paused and was silent for a moment, trying to process what you just told her.
"A-And... what stopped you? From doing it, I mean?"
"I chose to live. I still have yet to find something worth living for. And if I chose to, the pain that I want to get rid of doesn't go away. It just gets passed down to those who I love and care for."
She sighs and nods, looking at him with a slight sad expression on her face, but still filled with a mix of understanding, relief and care.
"I see what you mean." She said.
"Well... I'm glad you kept fighting, that you didn't let your pain overtake you." She then paused for a bit.
"Did you ever find something... to live for? Something that made you realize that life is worth fighting and living for? I mean... something that gives you... hope?"
"Not yet. Which is why I still continue to live."
She gives him a thoughtful look as he said that.
"That's really admirable..." She said with a genuine smile.
"Even though you feel so sad and lonely yourself, you're still trying to live for hope. For the possibility and the chance that... you can be happy." She said with a soft voice.
"It shows you have a big heart. And you're really strong... to be able to keep on fighting through everything, every day... despite the pain... you keep fighting. Just for this possibility."
She stops for a moment as she thinks for a moment about what to tell him.
Her face is sad and filled with pain once more as she slowly opens up.
"But... I... had my reasons too..." She said with a pained voice, and she started to tear up again.
"Can I... talk to you about them? If it's okay for you... can I tell you the reasons I... chose to end it?"
"Go ahead. I'm ready to listen."
She nods and takes a deep breath and a deep, shaky sigh, as she starts to explain to him everything.
"Well... I just felt so... so... so empty inside..."
She says with a pained voice.
"I had everything... fame, fortune, friends... I had it all... but... it never... it never filled the hole in my heart... the loneliness I... I always felt..." She said with an even sadder voice.
She sighs.
"I just never-... I never felt... full... I just felt... empty... empty and lonely."
Sakuta brings her in a bit closer.
Her eyes grow watery once more and he can see that she is on the verge of tears once again. She just feels so moved by the kindness he was showing her, the way he understood her... and the way he makes her feel like she's in a safe place, where she can be herself completely.
"It's okay. If you're not comfortable telling me, you can always cry out the pain first. It must've been painful, wasn't it? Holding it in for so long, just to have no one to listen to you."
Seeing his reassuring and empathetic expression, seeing the kindness and care in his eyes, she just couldn't hold back anymore. She starts to cry uncontrollably, now hugging him tightly as she sobs. He gets the feeling that this hug means so much to her, that she really felt so understood and so heard right now. As she cries into his chest, she starts to speak.
"I just... I couldn't bear the loneliness anymore!" She lets out an anguished wail at him as her floodgates finally break.
Sakuta could do nothing but rub her back gently as he let her cry her heart out. "There, there… it's okay.. let it all out…"
Just hearing his kind words just... makes her break down even more.
The way he showed so much empathy for her, the way he listened to her, the way he cared and comforted her... it's just too much.
All the feelings she has hidden inside for so many years, all her pain and sadness... it's all coming out right now, she just couldn't take it anymore. It's like a flood of emotions she had to hold back for so many years.
"I... I just..." She breaks down completely, crying uncontrollably, hugging him tightly for any modicum of comfort.
"I... I just felt so... so sad and empty and... and..." she said, as her voice was almost completely muffled by her sobs. She then wipes off more tears from her eyes and her voice gets louder as she continues to speak.
"I always... I just always... felt so alone... like there was this huge hole inside me... and... and nothing was... was able to fill it! I just..." The tears keep rolling down her face.
"So please!… Don't let me go….I don't want to be lonely ever again!" was the last coherent statement Mai could utter, as all Sakuta heard from her for the next few minutes was her sobbing her heart out, years and years of pain and trauma spilling out of her like a tsunami.
Sakuta could only hold her there, as the waves of tears coming from her blurred his eyes and the sounds of her crying pounded his ears, like the lashes of the condemned.
"There there, you're not alone now." was the only thing Sakuta could say.
Feeling his hug and his touch, his care and kindness made the tears roll down her face even harder... it just means so... so much to her. Just the fact that he would do this for her and show this much empathy and compassion for her... she doesn't even know how to express it.
She hugs him back really tight, the feelings of emptiness and loneliness disappearing like a ghost... the pain and the grief being replaced by a warm and fuzzy feeling inside her heart.
"Thank you..." she whimpered, with a small smile on her lips.
"Do you feel better now?"
She stops crying as her tears slow down and her sad expression slowly disappears, her face lighting up with a warm smile as she realizes how much better she feels just now.
"Much better!" She said with a soft and genuine smile and a little bit of excitement in her voice.
"You're really amazing... I'm... I'm just blown away by... by your kindness! I've never had someone be this... this kind and understanding of me! I feel... so alive right now!" She exclaimed as her face lit up with a smile of relief and happiness.
Sakuta and Mai continue to hug for a while. The hug just brings so much comfort and warmth to Mai, who's never felt that in her life. Just as the hug was getting real cosy, Sakuta felt a tap on his shoulders. He glanced over his shoulder, trying to see who would disturb his dream-like moment. Of all the people who had to interrupt it, it was his friend, Rio Futaba.
"Azusagawa, care to explain this bunny girl you're hugging?"
"Eh?"
Mai was so caught up in the hug that she didn't even notice there was people around, and she starts getting embarrassed at the attention they're giving those two now.
Seeing all the people staring at the two of them in shock makes Mai feel awkward for a moment, and she then looks away, her face turning pink as she does so.
She gave him a quick look with an expression that screamed "Are they looking at us?", making it apparent how nervous and scared she is right now.
"Yes. They're looking at the both of us. Welcome back, Mai."
Mai stops for a moment and thinks about what he just said... and then nods with a sincere smile.
"You're right... it means I can have the chance to start again... to do everything over..." She said with a warm and thoughtful expression.
"To give myself a second try... and to make the most of it!" She declared with determination in her voice now. She then raises her head and looks back at him with a hopeful smile.
"Thank you."
She gives him another quick hug.
"I owe this to you. I..." She said, stopping for a moment, not knowing what to say next. Her expression is still filled with hope and determination.
"I just... I want you to know... I... I'll do my best... to do everything right... to love, to work hard and to be a good person!" She proclaimed, her voice feeling a bit shaky as it does. To be everything I can be! And to be deserving of... being given this second chance, a second opportunity to live..."
"I'm glad you're taking this opportunity so earnestly. Now that you are reborn, I'd like to know you all over again. What's your name?"
She raises an eyebrow in confusion as he asked her that, a funny look in her eyes as she seems to be trying to understand what he's implying. Her face then lights up with a warm smile.
"Oh, my... my name?" She asked, and her eyes go wide for a moment as she seemed more and more pleased, her smile growing wider.
"That would be... Mai Sakurajima." She exclaimed happily.
"What about you? What's your name?"