"Geralt, do you hear this?"
"A cow. You have heard cows moo before, haven't you, Jaskier?" Geralt asks.
"I know it's a cow. But it sounds scared. It might need help!"
"And how is that our problem? Since when do I look like a farmer to you?"
"Geralt, the poor animal might be in mortal danger! We cannot just ride past it and leave it to a most horrible fate. All kinds of monsters are lurking in the nearby swamps, you said so yourself just yesterday!"
"Hm. I might have exaggerated a bit," Geralt admits. "Just to make sure you stay on the track and don't run off flower picking or looking for berries. Remember the hirikka you thought was so cute? During the dragon hunt?"
"Before you left me alone on top of that mountain, you mean?" Jaskier asks, although he, of course, knows exactly what Geralt is talking about. "And the hirikka was cute - until Sir Eyck cut its head off, poor thing. Now, what about the cow? Are you going to rescue it, Witcher, or do I have to do it all by myself?"
"It does sound like the animal's in trouble, Geralt," Milva says, coming to Jaslier's aid. "Probably lost in the swamp. It cannot be far from the sound of it."
"Alright," Geralt grumbles. "Although rescuing lost farm animals is not included in my job description." He dismounts. "You wait here with the horses, Jaskier."
"What? No way! I need to see it so I can compose a ballad afterwards. Geralt of Rivia, the brave saviour of domestic beasts."
"I can stay with the horses," Regis volunteers. "It would be a pity if the world could not hear this certainly most entertaining ballad." He smiles through pursed lips as is his custom.
"The cow's probably dead as a doornail by the time you all get a move on," Milva chides. She jumps from her horse and, her bow at the ready in case there is a monster after all, makes her way through the underbrush in the direction of the mooing, Geralt, Jaskier and Cahir following on her heels.
They do not need to go far. Soon they can see a black and white cow at the edge of the swamp. At first glance it looks like her hind leg is stuck in the mud. Then they see that the mud is moving.
"What the hell is that?" Cahir asks, puzzled.
"Bloody beats me," Milva says. "Let's have a closer look."
"No, stay back, all of you. I think I know what it is."
"And will you enlighten us, Geralt?" Jaskier asks when Geralt fails to elaborate but draws his silver sword instead and takes a few cautious steps toward the animal that is lowing pitifully.
"I thought I was here to rescue a cow, not to teach you about monsters," Geralt says, his back toward his friends. "Just stay out of the way. If it is what I think it is, it can spray caustic acid. The acid's pretty poisonous, too."
"Urgh, that does sound like one of Geralt's usual acquaintances," Jaskier says knowingly, turning to Milva and Cahir with a grimace.
The cow gives another, frightened moo. Struggling desperately, she then tries to pull her leg out of the moving something, but in vain. Instead, a huge and hideous creature appears from the muddy ground where it must have hidden to wait for its prey. A creature that resembles - a flower? A colossal and aesthetically unpleasing one, but it has a stalk, leaves and a gigantic blossom. Like the stem and the petals, the leaves are of a nasty, dark purple colour, not green, and they are formed in a most peculiar way, a bit like the ones of a sundew. One of those leaves has folded up around the cow's left hind leg, trapping it in a very efficient way. Overall, the colouring of the plant or whatever it is, together with its putrescent scent, remind of rotting meat.
"Smells like Geralt after he was swallowed by the Selkiemore and had to kill it from the inside," Jaskier mutters under his breath, scrunching up his nose at the foul odour. Not much can surprise him anymore after his many years of travelling with a Witcher, not even a monstrous flesh-eating flower. "Hope he does not have to do that with this thingy, too," he adds dryly.
The weird plant looks big enough to do the swallowing, no doubt about that. And it sure intends to gobble up the cow. It bends its beastly blossom over the trapped animal. Something like an enormous maw appears between the meaty petals. It opens up wide, glistening with drops of a fluid that looks both caustic and poisonous, indeed. The cow turns her head toward the deadly threat, her eyes wide with terror.
Milva is just about to lose an arrow to - hopefully - stop the carnivorous plant from swallowing the cow as a whole, neck and crop, when Geralt charges at it with incredible speed. Immediately, the plant-like creature abandons its prey and turns its huge bloom toward the attacker. How, without eyes or ears, it has detected the approaching Witcher remains a mystery. Perhaps it has some kind of vibration sensor, Jaskier wonders. But no matter how, now it is spewing its yucky saliva at Geralt. Who, luckily, manages to evade it in time. Neither Jaskier, nor Cahir expected anything less. Milva, on the other hand, has not really seen Geralt fight yet, and her eyes grow wide at the incredible speed and ferocity that she is witnessing as, again and again, the Witcher attacks, ducks, rolls, springs to his feet, whirls around swinging his sword through the air and trying to chop off the plant's flower.
However, the plant is a worthy opponent. It is unbelievably agile as well. Not only does it spray its venom, but it also attacks with its powerful, jawlike leaves, lunging forward and trying to grab the monster hunter. What is even more astounding for a plant, after several of Geralt's attacks, it suddenly sinks into the ground and, quick as lightning, sprouts from a nearby pod. The Witcher swivels around, unphased by the plant's new tactics. He charges again.
Suddenly his bad knee buckles and he falls.
"Fuck!" Jaskier exclaims, ready to run toward his friend to help.
"No, not you." Cahir holds him back with one hand, drawing his long Nilfgaardian sword with the other while Milva shoots her arrow. It hits the plant right in its maw as it opens above Geralt to devour him. The plant does not seem impressed. However, it raises its flower to look at - no, not look at, to sense - this new opponent, giving Geralt the time to roll away from the globs of venom dripping down from the plant's mouth.
Milva loses another arrow, and another, distracting the plant while Cahir runs toward the Witcher to help him up and get him out of harm's way. But it soon turns out it is not necessary. Crouching on one knee, Geralt points his arm at the plant and forms the sign of Igni. The monstrous creature ignites with a flash. Stunned for a moment by the flames, it is not quick enough to evade the next attack. Geralt jumps to his feet, swinging his sword widely. With a loud thud, the hideous, burning flower falls to the ground, chopped off by the silver blade.
Panting and holding his knee, Geralt lowers his sword.
"Dead?" Cahir asks, staring at the burning plant monster lying just a few metres from his feet with curiosity.
"Hm. Should be. Archespores have a weakness to fire. It's not enough to kill them, but, like all cursed beings, they're vulnerable to silver."
"Any chance one of my arrows has survived?" Milva inquires, having sprinted over to join her two friends. And to have a closer look at the dead creature.
"Sorry." Geralt shakes his head. "Even without the fire they would have been lost. The Archespore's saliva is too caustic for anything to survive in its maw for more than a few minutes."
"Pity, they were good arrows, too."
"Sorry again. And thank you for your help," Geralt says to the archer. "Could have easily gone south without it, curtesy of that bloody knee." He does not look at Cahir.
"Not to interrupt anything, but what about helping me for a change?" Jaskier calls over to them. "With the cow?"
Right, the cow, they almost forgot. The smart animal has hobbled away from the fight as far as it could before collapsing against a tree.
"Poor thing," Jaskier cooes. "I won't hurt you, I promise. Just let me have a look at that leg of yours, will you?"
The cow, thoroughly panicked still, flinches away from the bard's outstretched hand and, with a pitiful moo, tries to get onto her feet.
"Wait, I'll get Regis," Milva says. "I'm sure he can help. He always can."
And, of course, the barber-surgeon has a very potent salve in his bag and a mysterious way to calm down the frightened animal. It does not take long and the cow's leg is neatly bandaged and the animal ready to stand.
In the meantime, Milva has spotted a tiny column of smoke rising from what turns out to be a farmhouse. Its owner is more than happy when they bring back his only cow. When he only found the two goats in the little paddock next to the house early this morning at milking time, he feared she had been stolen during the night or run off into the swamp and he would never see her again. But here she is thanks to those strangers. He invites them for breakfast. Which they, of course, do not say no to. When was the last time they sat around a proper table inside a real house and for a meal? Jaskier has no idea how long it has been for the others, but he definitely has not had this pleasure ever since he left on his mission to meet Geralt in Brokilon. Weeks ago. It cannot be much different for his companions. His mouth waters at the smell of the freshly baked farmer's bread and the sight of several highly appetising looking loafs of cheese. There is a big jug full of milk fresh from the cow's udder, too, the cow they so heroically rescued. A simple breakfast, but a feast nonetheless.
And a truly happy ending to this most unusual little adventure.