The symbol of today's conclusion rang at a precise moment. Students celebrated in a chaos as they squeezed to flee through the front door.
The act of standing up made her chest thump. The world around her flashed in slow motion. She snatched her backpack from the ground, shoved Mr. Coconuts in and stormed out. Lack of sleep, frustration, stress? Only Heaven knows.
What happened to individualism? To when she'd hide her grin under the palm of her hand when her classmates struggled with their reports in front (come on, stage fright is one heck of a drug), to when she'd pass her projects earlier than the deadline because she didn't go through the inconvenience of waiting for her groupmates to get the job done. Maybe that's how Lori felt like when she moved into the small garage at the back of their house; free to do as she pleased, without anybody else debating on whether her ideas were too silly or not realistic enough.
Coming out of her cocoon from freshman year, teachers may think she took everything lightly, but that was the biggest trick up her sleeve- she's capable of lifting the world on her shoulders too. When looking at it, in her one class- only she excelled as far as everyone's concerned. Nobody could get to her level of quality work. Who else could do the research for her without getting things wrong? What about fixing up a presentation so accurate even teachers grow envious? The word quality was her, if it were a person.
It's all fun and games exploring and showing off that side of yourself, until the teacher groups you with maggots who do nothing but wait on a sprout so they can then, feast on the fruits of your labor.
And needless to say, most-if not, all her assigned groupmates were like that.
Right by the hallway, a crowd circled about the billboard hung up on the wall, chattering about. Two girls of familiar faces let out penetrating squeals, passing by her in a hop. Luan tapped on one of their shoulders. "Uh, what's going on?"
"It's the honor's list, girl! You should check it out!" Luan nodded absently as they walked away. The honor's list.
Last night's events hit. She gulped. The honor's list.
Making it on her own, Luan knew she had Lincoln to ask for her art projects, Lynn for physical ed, Lucy for English Literature, Luna for music- and Lisa especially, to knock some sense into her head. But no- this was her name that got into the class record, it should be her work too. The credit, the work itself, were supposed to be credited to her, not to them- because that'd just be flat-out lying to the teachers, and taking advantage of her siblings' talents. Things were okay on its own, she's better all alone.
She walked near the billboard, waiting for the crowd to disperse. Through the wait, something lingered. Like a dark entity chewing her guts, or an anchor keeping her stuck in place. Stop overthinking, you're crazy. Luan thought. If Mr. Coconuts wasn't in her bag right now, he'd smack her across the cheek for feeling this way.
Heh, as if something awful was really about to happen…
Luan's legs felt weak, as she walked over to the new papers plastered over the billboard.
"Academic achievers of RWHS
Sophomore Year Batch"
She could either alleviate her nightmares from last night's card, or worsen it. Swallowing her nerves in, her eyes scanned the list, knowing this would not be the card of truth, rather, the list that'd define her entire timeline through the first semester.
Her chest tightened. Insides twisted. She bit her lip, going lower down the list. Top one, two, three became twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three… and still, no sign of her. Names, so many dang names, of people she knew and had competed with, appeared here. Whitney, Sam, Jacob- students, who couldn't attain her level, were here. Yet where was she?
The list went on until the 50th number, ranked from the highest to lowest grades. Until then, she peered her eyes up and down to hint at the letter L. Her eyes lit up and a smile crossed her face when at last, her own name appeared.
43rd.
As fast as that, the grin was off her face.
"Hey, Luan!"
Whitney approached her. Luan chuckled without any effort to grin. "Hey."
"You were amazing back there, you know- standing up for your group like that." She patted Luan's shoulder. "You're such an inspiration to me."
It didn't matter because the hard work that stole her life gave her nothing in return, anyways. "Thanks… you were cool back there too."
"Too bad Miss Dublin couldn't appreciate the work you guys put into it.", Whitney sighed, shifting her head to where Luan stared at. "Oh, neat! It's the honor's list!"
Luan swallowed. Don't even get her started.
"Yeah." Luan nodded, walking away slowly. "Would you mind, I'm gonna go; sisters are waiting for me."
After saying their goodbyes, Luan let her face drop. Her lavender backpack hung lazily against her shoulder as she walked amidst the suffocating crowd of high school students. She didn't know what to think- didn't wanna think. All there was to know is that, by the time Vanzilla catches up with her, Luna and the rest of her siblings couldn't see. She had to push her cheeks up, tilt her chin up. Even with the anchor that tied itself to her ankle, she had to keep walking. Though there's no reason to laugh, it's no excuse to quit cracking jokes. Because the bottom line is, it's just a list. A list of numbers. How would that affect her career? Better yet, who would even care?
"Loud! Luan Loud!"
Turning around before she could step into the door of the next class, a lanky man dawning glasses of a golden frame quickly approached her. She stopped on her feet. Mr. Fernandez.
"Hey, Mr. Fern. What's up?"
He took a breath. "Don't forget, you're the first group to report tomorrow, alright?"
She blinked. Tomorrow?
Each group had been assigned to report on different days: he mentioned theirs to be the first one to perform this morning. But he didn't say it was tomorrow. She let out a dry laugh. After all this?
No. Not happening. "Uh, is there any room for negotiation, sir? Maybe I can go about it on Friday instead?"
He pouted and shook his head slowly. Luan let out the breath she held in. Crud. "No can do, Loud. I'm trying to catch up with the curriculum after my one-week vacation. We gotta get all the rest of the reporters' topics covered up by the end of this sem."
And is this my problem? "Um… I…"
The two words, " I'll pass" hung by the tip of her tongue, but his stare was intense. His thick eyebrows were raised and through the silence, there was an aura of authority. As if the act of simply waiting for her answer was conveying that what he asked prior isn't a request, but a command.
She scratched her nape and laughed sheepishly. "You can count on me, sir." No, you can't.
He nodded with a growing smile. "Remember to really work it out with your groupmates so nobody gets left behind, okay?"
Nobody gets left behind, because of me. The prospect of trust had never sounded so mortifying. Just because of me.
Luan smiled tightly. Her cheeks started to hurt. "It'll be no sweat! Geddit?"
He chuckled. "Best of luck for you and your group, Loud."
Mr. Fernandez promptly walked away, as her face dropped. Thanks. She thought, continuing her trail down the action-packed corridors. Luck, that's what she needed. A whole dosage of it.
She walked out the front doors of the school. As she pushed the exit open, the sun rays penetrated her eyes; she hovered a hand over her face, searching for two familiar figures. Luna and Leni waited for her every day, and together, they'd stop by to pick up the rest of the siblings.
Honk! Honk!
Luan turned her head, and saw Vanzilla by the sidewalk, Leni's silhouette waving at her from the driver's seat. Oh, there she is. Straightening her back, Luan walked to the van, sliding the door open as Vanzilla's air freshener entered her nostrils; the cool breeze blowing over her like cold water in summer.
"Why do people call it a van?" Luan hopped in the backseat. "It makes people van-ish."
"I don't get it." Leni scrunched her face through the rearview mirror.
"Of course, you wouldn't." Luan rolled her eyes in amusement. Sweet, classical, Leni. "Hey, we're one man short. Where's Luna?"
"She texted me, apparently she's coming here. Just got a little hold up with the crowd wave, she said." Leni said. "I didn't realize that people could became water but whatever catches Luna's drift, I guess."
Crowd wave? Luan tapped her forehead against the window, eyeing the doors to the high school. What'd she meant by that?
They waited, and waited- until minutes later, Luna came out along with The Moon Goats, trailing a fairly amassable crowd behind her. They were holding their phones up as Luna marched backwards, throwing a punch to the air as everyone did so too.
"Wow, Luna's really got the attention of the school." Leni commented. "She was made to be the star of the show."
"Yeah… guess she is." Luan hugged her bag tight. Lucky. "Wonder what that's for."
When the crowd parted ways, and so did The Moon Goats, Leni honked the horn as Luna waved her hand and walked to their direction. Not long, she slid the door open to the front seat. The warm, thick scent of the outside world making its way into Vanzilla. "Yo, guys, apologies for the hol' up back there."
" That was awesome! What were you guys up to back there?" Leni squealed.
"Well…" Luna started with a bashful laugh.
Leni hit the gas pedal as Luna began explaining. Something about a small band routine with her mates in the middle of the cafeteria, that blew up because everyone dug their songs. "Even Chef Clark danced along to the beat!" Luna exclaimed. Apparently, a lot of them who were about to leave the school followed to the school entrance, singing along as if they themselves were part of the band.
Yeah, so everyone's digging it. So, what? Leaning her head on the window, Luan watched as the school building shrunk with every move forward down the road. The lavender scent of Vanzilla's new air freshener enticing her to drop her eyes and fall into a nap. Forcing their voices to blur out of her mind, it's not like she needed to hear about what Luna was up to anyway- not like it was that interesting.
Luan nestled herself down the seat dad had gotten repaired a week ago, feeling how cushioned it was. Her back pressed and sunk down the pillow-like seat, almost much softer than her mattress is. Prior to when the van got sent to the shop for an overall tune-up, Vanzilla finally felt like an actual vehicle, and not some broken down junk; a temporary retreat from the hellhole that school is; not some sort of broken-down inconvenience that tempted her to take the bus instead.
"Tired, little sis?" Luna glanced at her from the rearview mirror.
Luan raised her eyebrows. Ain't it obvious? "Uh-huh."
"Tell me 'bout it." Luna laughed. "Our professor gave us a test about the things he yapped about just yesterday, then he gave us an ear-lashing for failing!"
Luna's feeling chatty today. Luan gave her half a smile. For someone who's supposedly frustrated, that's a pretty upbeat way to go about it.
"Which professor is that?" Leni chimed in.
The conversation left her behind as Leni and Luna exchanged banter. For once, Luan didn't care to get involved. Her cheek grazed the glass window as the buzzing of the air-conditioner drifted away. Was it the homely chill wrapped around her tugging her to rest, or was it the hours of sleep she missed last night?
Probably both. She thought.
The pronounced ache that had been bothering her neck and lower back since this morning subsided. After last night and today, coming home was a sweet reprieve. Luna and Leni's voices muffled like they were lowered underwater as her eyes drooped. What today was could be left behind for just a second. Fatigue pulled her down like a brick down the sea. Her eyes drooped. Just a little lower, and her world might turn black.
A hard knock snapped her awake. She shot her head up with a yelp.
The door roughly slid open, greeted with the scowl of her younger sister. "Scooch over, funny face. Ten of us gotta share this van, you know."
Luan blinked rapidly but resisted the urge to yawn. If only your siblings were a choice you could choose from. She imagined, grinding her teeth. Because I'd throw you out of a lifetime, you jerk.
Car rides never promised peace to be an option in their family- but a jam-packed van with your siblings in it is better than having a stranger fall asleep on your shoulder. She yanked her bag and moved over to the other side of Vanzilla as Lincoln climbed in first.
"Don't mind her, Luan. Lynn's in destruction mode again." He said.
Luan raised her brows, urging him to continue. "She got benched in the middle of a basketball game today after getting a foul."
His head got shoved down. "Will you shut your yap, Stinkin'?"
Luan rolled her eyes to the window as the van began running. The pain of having siblings sometimes; their shenanigans made you wish you were the only kid. Kids like Clyde get special privileges, like sleeping in their SUV on the way home to school- unlike them- just a short-stop to the elementary school and daycare, then there goes the already slim chance of sneaking a nap in Vanzilla. Not when all of them are in here sharing a small space altogether. Somebody is always arguing, pushing the other for some space, or wailing- courtesy of Lily.
She crinkled her nose. Way to ruin the day. Yay.
Oh, that rhymed. Luan thought. Who said Lucy was the only poet in this house?
When they picked up the remaining six girls, the van was tighter and louder than before. With ten sharing the same air, not even the conditioner could keep up as Vanzilla became warmer. She watched quietly as they entered the road to Franklin Avenue- ten more houses away before they'd arrive to theirs. Luan drew her backpack close, counting down the front yards as the messy, untrimmed grass of their lawn appeared nearer in sight. There's no use in sleeping when the Loud house was only steps away.
At last, Leni parked Vanzilla into the driveway and turned the ignition off. Without another word, Luan slid the door open and walked out with the rest of her siblings.
When everyone followed, Leni and Luna came out of the van, exchanging glances. "Luan's acting strange."
Oddly quiet, a normal ride home never felt whole without her endless stream of jokes. Luna hummed. It's probably best to keep it that way, though. Her jokes were confusing, anyways. "She's probably just ready to hit the hay. You know how her sleep sched's been."
Yet her smile didn't bloom like it always did. She lacked the energy and glow a normal day would've given her. "But still… shouldn't she be happy? I heard she was on the honor roll earlier." A sense of suggestion oozed in her voice. "Should we talk to her?"
They walked to the front porch. Luna turned her head with an exasperated look. "Sis, every lil' thing's gonna be alright. Don't worry."
Leni nodded slowly, at the back of her mind burned the contrary of her words. "I'll try not to."
Her hand slid up the stairs' banter, making a squeaky sound against the shiny surface. With the car ride being over, Luan could finally close her eyes for a minute without Lincoln and Lynn tussling every two seconds.
Closing the door behind her, Luan strapped her backpack off and dropped all the things in onto the bed, notebooks, textbooks and her pencil case scattered on one side of the bed. But that meant she'd have no more excuse not to do these.
Flinging her backpack to the bed, she threw herself above it all, feeling the mattress bounce under her weight. As if lying down on her responsibilities will push her into doing it.
The open window made way for a dimming glow to brighten the room. She groaned and leaned back on her pillow, the sharp edges of her notebooks scraping against her sock. In a span of seven hours, she'd have to cross out everything in her list, while researching and drafting what she has to present- all due tomorrow. No breaks if she wanted to finish before Leni would prod her for staying up beyond bedtime.
A balloon in her chest threatened to pop. How she could juggle through all this while squeezing in the tests she has to study for tomorrow, Luan didn't know. In her newfound sense of morality, even indulging in a few hours of resting after school felt sinful. Anything that can be done right now, has to be done. If it can't be done now, then think of a way to do it quicker than later.
Not long, Luna barged in the room, muttering on how the rest of them were in a rush to get in the door, so she and Leni ended up being the last.
"Talk about a slow entrance, geddit?" She laughed.
Luna groaned, but with a smile. "Never said better, sis."
Sitting up, Luan pulled her phone out the pocket of her backpack. The digital clock says an hour has passed since they left school. Having been jam-packed with the preparation for the report today, she had been relying on her groupmates to initiate some effort into their music report. Opening Messenger, some of her groupmates were online- yet no group chat laid in sight.
"Hey, Loud," Samantha? What was she up to dm-ing her like this?
She opened the inbox. "What do we do for our report in Music?"
Luan smiled. Of course, this already implied that she'd be in charge again. A bad thing because somehow the past three reports weren't enough- but somehow, still a good thing, because at least this report would serve as that second shot at getting a decent grade. She made the group chat, and added everyone in. The sooner this got swept out of the way, the sooner she'd have time to spare for studying. A few clicks later, Music- Group 1 was created, filled with her groupmates. With a sigh, she began typing in:
"Good noon, everyone. Since tomorrow is our report for Music, I'll be doing the research and the visual aid."
Miss Dublin's voice rang in her head. Maybe she wasn't the problem- Luan was. Snagging the spotlight like this, doing the research, to the assigning, to the reporting- it's almost as if her team had an I in it. Could you blame her when only three or five students truly stood out of her batch? One was an immigrant from Korea; a Math and Science whiz, with the qualities of a future leader. Yet even he had his Achilles' heel: English was a language he was still trying to warm up to. As much as he spoke, who could understand him? Guy's got guts for not backing out though, gotta give him that.
The teacher's pet, Whitney was following her trail, but was she confident and brash enough to stand up for her groups? Not so much. Then there was the class dork who played Dungeons and Dragons during free time could match her level. He's a walking knowledge parasite, and there probably isn't a book in the library he hadn't read- but did he have the guts to share them? Was he capable of speaking upfront without stuttering or lisping?
They had the brains, but not the courage to stand on their own- the one thing Luan did since she was old enough to speak.
And with that, Luan typed: "Focus on your assignments first, guys. I'll do the work,"
She paused, staring blankly at the screen.
Then she continued: "All I ask of you is to study the topic, in case I'm gonna need some back up."
She propped the phone on her lap. Trust is vital in teamwork, but unfortunately, she didn't carry that trait- nor did her groupmates deserve it. Not when they're all low-profile kids with their own lives, without much to brag about their overall academic record. If she opened herself for cooperation again, there's no telling how many more half-assed works they're gonna give, just like what Brandon and Tracy did with her yesterday- and imagine, that was only a PowerPoint; how much more a full-on report in front of the class? Should she really set everything on herself? Sacrifice her health for the sake of making things easier for herself?
Her thumb said 'for the grades', and pressed sent.
Luan didn't wait for a reply before dropping the phone on the bed. If she looked at herself a year from then, she probably wouldn't trust herself to do any part of a group work either. And looking at it now, Luan has no regrets of getting this far. It only started as a thrill to gain popularity and a heightened sense of worth. To be acknowledged at school for something actually useful- not just for cracking puns, plotting witty pranks, or starting food fights to irate school faculty. To prove that there was more to her than being the female equivalent of the Joker. She could be as smart as Lisa, as much as a rational planner as Lincoln, and as intimidating as Lori. She could be just like everything her siblings are praised for.
And when she worked, it worked. Nothing is more exhilarating than to be put in a pedestal, to be glorified by her doings; to celebrate having Luan in the group because she's the most reliant person in the room. It was and still is.
43rd.
Would she really beat herself up for not being as high up the list as she expected? That was the school's fault; the list is rigged. They were crazy for considering the thought of adding in behavior into the grades, but turn a blind eye to her diligence, her newfound competency. Obviously, they were just telling her to work harder.
And that work starts now.
"Yo, Lu, mind keeping the room warm for me?" Luna put on her guitar bag and walked down the door. "Got a gig with the band at The Burnt Bean. Might not be home 'til seven."
"Don't come home acting like the burnt bean, alright?" She laughed. Luna always came home an exhausted heap after those gigs. "Get it?"
"What can I say?" Luna snorted as she opened the door. "It's bean a long day after all."
"Not bad, but I'm s'posed to be the one crackin' the jokes, dude." They shared a laugh, before Luna shut the door .
Ding. Her phone vibrated. She quickly yanked it and turned it on.
"Hey, Luan, I read the GC. Mind if I give you a hand?" She smiled at the sight of his name. "I know I haven't been around class and theatre these days… guess you know why. I've been catching up with our group though. I wanna see if I can contribute something for us."
And this guy only added up to her current social life crisis.
But who's to blame for it, really? Benny had been in and out of school for nearly a week. His dad, was too preoccupied paying off medical bills and filing his insurance claim for Benny's mom, who got admitted to the hospital for a bleeding ulcer. He had been in and out the hospital, barely given the chance to work on school when he had a parent to take care of as well.
He would go to school and miss it again the next day, alternating between being present for new activities while catching up with a mountain-pile of old ones. It's so hard to be mad at him now with all that he's going through. Of course, he couldn't just be burdened more responsibility now. Not when it's tomorrow. He was still stressing out with family problems, and missed time. Luan couldn't add up to it for a project she's monitoring just fine.
"It's all good, Benny. I got it under control. Just study the PowerPoint I'm sending later." She texted. "Just wondering, are you coming back tomorrow? There's nothing more I want you to do than come back; it's getting really lame without having someone to tell my jokes to." She sent with a winking emoji and a smile on her face.
Luan dropped the phone beside her as her grin faltered. Her reassurance couldn't have been further from the truth.
Fatigue knocked on her mind, and a familiar gravity pulled her eyelids down. Dropping the message to her group, and to Benny, that everything was under control in her hands is a lie, because the control of time had her on the palm of its hand.
Knock! Knock!
Someone actually knocking? Only mom, dad and Lincoln ever did that. "Door's unlocked."
It creaked open, as a tuft of white hair creeped in. Her face immediately lit up. That lucky guess turned out true. "Oh, hey Linc! Hey Lily! What's up?"
"Just checkin' up on ya." Lincoln slid himself through the door, cradling Lily in his arms- who cooed at the sight of their older sister. "I noticed you're more cooped up in your room now. How's Funny Business going? Any new clients and all that?"
Was he here just for the business? Luan rolled her eyes. It sure felt like it. "Lincoln, you know I haven't been in business since before Christmas break. I've been too busy with school to care about that." She gave him an unimpressed look. "And no, if you're asking, I don't have any more chocolates in my stash from the last birthday party we went to."
Lily fussed in his arms, so Lincoln put her down. He looked down and muttered in frustration. "Well… I wasn't here mainly for that. Like I said, I just wanna know what's up."
He sat on Luna's beanbag chair. Being ever so caring, Lincoln was always the first one to notice something off with them- perhaps it's probably because she asks way too much of him- whether its for a party, or for a prank, or just to have a guy to listen to her routine.
And when it's gone, poof. Something's up.
"Nothing's up, Linc. If anything, everything's going down. Get it?" Luan let out her trademark laugh, even when it didn't feel right. "But seriously, I'm fine."
Lincoln leaned to her, eyeing her with doubt. "Uh-huh. So, you're not affected by how you're the only sibling who didn't make it up the fridge?"
Caught off guard from his question, Luan picked up Lily who reached her arms out for her. "Oh, so you know about that?"
"All of us do, actually. I mean, how can we not? It's hung on the fridge.", Lincoln snorted. "I don't exactly know when it was pasted there, but what I do know is that since we noticed it- you haven't been outside your room or pranking us as much."
Lily giggled as Luan sat her on her lap. Half of her mind was paying attention to Lily's smallest movements, and the other on him. "What'd ya say again? Sorry, Lily's distracting me."
He chuckled, scratching the back of his neck. "You haven't been outside your room anymore, nor have I spotted a bucket above my head, or got thrown a pie to the face."
She rolled her eyes. Of course, Luan Loud- the girl only ever good for pranking. Nothing more, nothing less. "So? I thought you guys would appreciate that?" As heavy as her cheeks felt beneath her eyes, Luan gave him an amused beam regardless.
"We do- I mean… no offense, but we definitely don't mind the brief silence." Lincoln scratched his nape. "But you know, we- I- can't help but feel worried about you. You remember what happened last time you were one-upped by us."
He must've been flashing back to the time they bit her in the back; commenting snide insults about how annoying and unfunny she was, huh? Guess he hasn't moved on from it yet- because she has.
A head pressed itself on her chest as her hand absentmindedly stroked Lily's hair. "Relax, Lincoln. This is school- not my comedy career; it's not like I put those two together." She said, matter-of-factly. "I'm not ending my passions or whatever because I didn't get recognition for it, because if that's what I was really chasing, I wouldn't have dived into it in the first place."
"I'm not talking about your comedy. I'm talking about your hard work going unrecognized." He hunched over and whispered: "You remember what happened when Lucy stole your dreams… and how bothered you were about it. I mean, we've seen you work hard through the year compared to all of us, yet, there's no reward for it.
Luan wasn't that competitive, not to the point she'd kill for plastic painted in gold. To her, it wasn't even about being the best. With all the talents of the world packed in one family, it's all about being one of the best.
Her eyes glazed over the wall behind him, transfixed in thought. "Which leads me to my main point: you're not mad at us or… jealous, are you?"
As each of them grew older, the competition just became more and more apparent- and it doesn't help that mom and dad treat them unfairly in terms of rewards like cooking their favorite food topped with a bucket of ice cream to themselves. You have to be an ace in something; you have to be the walking trophy in your field. And even if comedy was hers, mom and dad, nor did the school, capture the gist of it at all. The girls and Lincoln knew that too.
"No, why would I be?" Luan snickered. You're making it hard to forget, Linc. "I'm actually happy for all of you. You know, being in a family this talented is a privilege."
It's a privilege to be in a family of miracles, but a curse to be the only one who's waiting on one. Like how Lincoln himself used to think, back when they were in Scotland last year.
And so far, Luan wasn't following his steps. Or at least, she refused to think that way.
Lincoln stood up with a relieved sigh. "Good. I just thought you'd feel left behind or something. Welp, Clyde and I gotta go to Gus'. Thanks for the small talk, Luan."
"See ya." Luan beamed at him as he left and shut the door.
And there, when she was left with only a toddler who could barely speak, with the four walls staring at her- did her thoughts do the talking. She wasn't talentless... she had comedy to back her up.
"Your roommate is better of a performer than you." Mr. Coconuts' high-pitched voice pierced her mind. "Where are we gonna go, tuts? Can't just keep performing at birthday parties forever."
"Are you okway, big sis?" Lily turned up to her. She couldn't help but smile at the innocent gleam in her eyes.
Forcing the voice out of her head, Luan turned to the toddler and bopped her nose, laughing at the way Lily's eyes followed the tip of her finger. "Of course, silly- why wouldn't I be?"
She was the symbol of effervescence. A sign that somethings are unchanging, even when it seemed like everything else hit the fan. Imagine how it'd be if she grew older and could talk more- that meant one more head cracking puns in the house. Since the months following mom's last trip to the hospital, baby Lily was just a fresh opportunity for her to crack up jokes to a new audience, to make their baby sister feel at home. It only took one "peek-a-boo" to make her flail in a fit of giggles. Following those days, was a spark to their relationship. Only she and Leni could make out what Lily said, and only Lily truly appreciated her love for comedy.
"I down't wanna see you down," Lily frowned; melting her into mush. She didn't wanna make her favorite baby sister wallow in misery all because of the cry of teenage angst. Come to think of it, why even be upset in the first place?
She beamed at Lily, this time, without feeling the strain in her cheeks. "Wanna hear a joke, Lily?"
As expected, Lily clapped. The sweet sound of her laughter was the only melody she needed. Washed away were her worries, the idea of having to do her projects and read up on her notes was a prospect that drowned out once Lily pleaded her to say a pun, to crack a funny punchline. Even as Luan struggled to think of a pun on the spot- which was a surprise; it must've been from the stress that stumped her- the lamest one she made with an old man and a squirrel made Lily go in hysterics. One came after the other, until an hour passed by and her laughter faded out as she yawned.
"Come here, sleepy head." Luan cradled her in her arms as the toddler's eyes fluttered into a shut. She stood up from the bed and walked over to her room- passing by an undisturbed Lisa fixating on some Science experiment. With a small peck to the forehead, she gingerly placed the already snoring Lily into her crib. Just another job well done, Luan. She thought. It's the perk of being the funniest older sister in the face of the planet.
If that really were true, because we know very well it isn't.
Fighting the urge to coo at her sleeping form, Luan returned to her room. Shutting the door and making sure the lock worked this time, she stepped to the windows to draw the curtains close. These thoughts, they were deadly. Luan was familiar with the inner demons long burrowed inside the shell of her other thoughts; it was easy to call them back out to the surface- and that was to sit still. Which was something she couldn't do.
Remember what Lincoln said. Her jaw tightened. He was jumping into conclusions again. She took her bag, dropped her notebooks, and began flipping through her notes one by one. She wasn't butthurt by those cards- what was she? Nothing more than a clown with a sensitive edge?
Brushing her thoughts away, she picked up a notebook; the one that had to be read by tonight: Music.
Page one. Vocal Forms of African Music. I am not a loser.
Page two. Types of Ethnic African Instruments. I'm just as good as the rest of us are.
I just need to try better. Page three- Music Genres and where they originated from.
Her teeth clenched. She failed once- Mr. Fernandez set her up for a new task, another challenge to win. A fresh fight to conquer.
And Lincoln, well, thank God for him- because his unintentional pity only made her blood simmer. If he assumed that she'd cry over some pathetic cards hung up on the cheap family fridge, he's wrong.
This semester, she will prove- not only to the school, but also to the family- that no, she's not as insecure as they assumed. She could be as driven as Lynn, as popular as Luna. As awesome as possibly all of them combined.
I could be better… Luan breathed in deep, scanning the notes she wrote earlier. But why settle for good, when I can be better than best?