Thursdays might as well be called, torture-Luan-day.
Her cheek pressed against her palm. Call it oversleeping last night, but the dull ache that bothered her the moment she woke up still lingered. A twinge pinched her eyes within each blink. Even as her lunchbox laid atop the table, the promising thought of dad's baked pies did nothing. Wasting away at dad's divine cooking was a treat she didn't deserve. Not after this morning.
That assignment she had in Home Economics, turned out to contain more wrong than right answers. Call it a small dose of misfortune, or whatever joke life was trying to play, but somehow, the letters she encircled were jumbled up. Number one was obviously letter A, why did she choose C? Number ten was letter D, how'd she ended up encircling B instead?
Then Science came before lunch time, and by that time, her stomach already rumbed. When the test paper came in, everything- as in, all the things she read up the night before, vanished. Gone with the wind. Right after the test, she glared at the bold C- written on it. Clenching the paper, helplessly scrutinizing the encircled numbers as if beating herself up for being such an idiot would bring it back. Safe to say, it took only so little left of her not to rip the paper into half.
Her head was heavy and clouded, like floating densely on water. That's how it was now; lunch time is just another walk-in to a war between her and boredom. She tapped her other hand on the desk, drumming the plastic table lightly. Accompanying her was just a quiet Mr. Coconuts- too burnt out to even come up with his dialogue. This was the one time she wished she hadn't pushed away her friends so much- now all she had left during lunch was dad's excellent cooking; but what's all that when nobody offered to trade their lunches for her.
Bragging to her friends about dad's chef-quality lunches was always the best part of this hour.
"Who's ready to party?" She turned to the right and in a table not so far from hers, and found Luna with her axe, stepping one foot on the table.
A crowd circled around her, everyone from some seniors she encountered by the halls, to juniors Luna hung with, to the classmates she knew, to freshmen she was tasked to show around the school at some point. Luan narrowed her eyes when a shade of familiar outfits found itself within her gaze.
Benny, Rex, Amy… even her own friends were there?
Luan looked away, unable to take more of it in.
Immediately swiping her backpack from the ground, snatching her lunchbox, shoving it back to the bag, Luan stormed out of the cafeteria. She slipped it in as the backpack weighed on her body as Luan stormed down the hallway, submerging herself in the newfound crowd of students walking down the halls.
She sucked in breath. In fairness, why be surprised? Of course, they wouldn't come near her. What did she do the last time?
…
"Hey, Luan, wanna talk over lunch?"
They've been bugging her for over the course of a week now. She stopped flipping through the pages of two textbooks, looking up to the ones talking: almost all the thespians, save for Spencer and Benny were right before her. Couldn't they take a hint?
Utterly cornered, Luan glanced back and forth between her books and them. "Not now, guys." The disappointment in their faces were evident. "I'm really busy right now. I'll come to you guys first when I have time."
No additional pleading, no extra, unnecessary negotiations were shared. The whole group left the table with company only having her, and her books and notes. For the first time in a long time, Luan could say she truly was at peace.
…
She promised to approach them first when things cleared out, but of course, in the blur of all this- that time never came.
Luan walked as far from the cafeteria as possible, overlooking the grumbling in her stomach. There had to be another place to eat, or a place to stay if not there that wasn't too far off her next class.
She ate her words, today finally had luck looking out for her.
Luan rushed down the crowded hallway that mid-afternoon. She glanced at the wall clock above the array of lockers. 1:00 PM… and somehow seeing it surged power through her system to push forward.
On Wednesday, while Music class was on mornings, this time- it was during the afternoon; considered as the last class of the day. What was one more subject? She managed to withstand the rest of the five hours prior without passing out. Though if there was anything school had taught her today, there were two lessons: one being, pack coffee with you, and two, she really needed to hang a ' don't talk to me' sign on her body.
"Is it just me or is everyone so much more annoying today?" Mr. Coconuts quipped.
"You said it." Luan said.
Most of them were witnesses to her yesterday's tragedy, and they weren't afraid to show their pity. They stepped up to shove their nose in her face this time. The moment she walked in class, her classmates pried her and asked her why she was nearly late, and why her eyes looked like they were pigmented with coal underneath. It's exhausting to be reminded of how she hadn't slept at all for a whole night. Isn't one response enough?
Luan grumbled, slipping through a group of guys going her way. Suddenly it's like, when the class clown loses their charm, that's the only time they start caring.
"See ya tomorrow," Her mouth twitched into a small smile. On the bright side, this is the one class she has where Benny is her classmate.
He replied to her somewhere in the late hours of the night, and she had seen it hours later when she woke up at midnight. She didn't hang with him during lunch, nor did the rest of the Thespians with her; the library practically worked as her home these days with the endless stream of work in her way. They bombarded her phone with calls, messages, any means of finding her- but Luan didn't bother. Finding no strength to respond.
Room 205, 206… 207
Her shoulder bumped against somebody standing by their locker a bit to roughly. Luan turned on her heels. "Sorry!-"
"Luan! Hi!" Those curly brown locks were recognized anywhere.
A pair of arms wrapped around her as she stood there frozen, chuckling awkwardly. Shannon pulled back and gave her a warm smile. "H-hey Shannon, been a while."
Luan internally screamed. Remind her to escape through the windows, and not through the lobby next time.
The Theatre Club had made up a lot of progress upon warming up to each other, to the point their club meetings had extended to hanging out at the mall and having fun in the nearby arcade on occasion. But as Luan noticed, the group chat had never been so quiet. When she told them that they'd be one man short for a while as she caught up with her studies, they took it to heart and act like the group's gone without her.
"How have you been? We missed you!" She chirped. "Hey, we're planning to Pizza Hat later, wanna come with?"
And yes, in real life, maybe she had been avoiding them to a T. Socialization had to come second when responsibility comes first, and there's no way she's gonna push away her gateway to getting straight A's and impressing the teachers because her friends wanted to hang out. One time, she tried exactly that, and let's say it didn't work out well for her schedule.
It didn't mean Luan wanted to avoid them, or her old life. The temptation to go out with friends and procrastinate doing her work to slack off to go on pranks wars tugged at the back of Luan's sleeve almost every single minute. Coming across them just hooks her back into unwinding – a luxury she knew she didn't deserve.
Her eyes glazed over to the open doors at the end of the hall as Shannon's blabbing slipped through her ears. "No can do… got a whole list of school work to do." Luan chuckled awkwardly. "I can't afford to fail."
Personal failure wasn't exactly the thing she feared; that was only one-fourth of it. An oath to stop acting reckless at school wasn't enough for Principal Rivers- the rest of the school wanted proof that she'd change. And if they really saw how hard she worked against herself, that she became more of an A student than the A- she was last semester, maybe then they'd be convinced enough to shower her with the slightest bit of praise.
"You're such a nerd, nowadays! What'll one day of relaxation do to hurt you?" Shannon shook her shoulders. "Loosen up a little, will you?"
Loosen up? You mean, throw away my responsibilities? Luan snorted. "Oh, please, I don't wanna loose my good grades or anything! Geddit?"
Shannon stared at her with a deadpan look; Luan giggled. That flopped. "But seriously, send me pictures while you're at it- I'll be there in spirit!"
Her smile fell as she trailed down the hall. I promise you, Luan thought. Once this report succeeds, I'll treat you all for some grub.
Room 208. Luan pulled the door open as the lemon air-freshener penetrated her nostrils.
"Why do I have a bad feeling about this?" Mr. Coconuts whispered.
"Relax, Mr. C. You're just nervous.", Luan hooker her thumb into the strap of her backpack. "We're both nervous."
Muffled voices mixed in a chorus as almost everyone sat on their designated desks. Sitting on her assigned chair, she hastily pulled laptop out and turned it on. The cursor circled slowly as she struggled to open the PowerPoint that she's been mercilessly clicking on. You should relax, the teacher's not here yet.
How could she though? This was it. Her ultimate chance to not blow up a whole night's worth of research and homework. Beads of thick sweat built up on her forehead.
"Hey, Luan!" She threw her eyes across the room.
Her heart skipped a beat to find his boyish smile. His enthusiastic wave. "Hi, Benny!"
Luan left her laptop be and went by his seat. They shared a high-five and giggled together. "It's so great to see you again!"
"I'm saying the same to you!" Benny chirped. "Mind helping me catch up on what I missed?"
The echoes of the crowded room dispersed as her focus turned to him. She told him about what happened without him, how boring it was to not have her ride-or-die at school. Mr. Coconuts chimed in, and so did Mrs. Appleblossom- and so both of them swapped between their normal voices and their puppets.
Having to see the smile never leave his face, and how he remained fully immersed in every word she said made her mentally wish Mr. Fernandez would come in and ruin the fun. Being with Benny had been the most engaging thing she had gone through this week.
With a few laughs shared, their topic quickly shifted to today's report; how she 'd discuss the ins and outs of African Music, and that he and the group didn't need to fret- when she's armed and ready to drop the bombs to a spectacular performance. One that could've been the day before if Miss Dublin didn't screw it up.
Shoot. Luan bit the urge to yelp as Mr. Fernandez coolly walked in the room. This is it.
"I-I gotta go!" Luan hastily got up. "Talk to you later!"
"Good luck, Lu!" He said. "I'll be cheering for you!"
She smiled and confidently walked back to her seat at the front. Luan glanced on the wall clock as it ticked slower than how it normally would. Her hands grew colder than before. The two mugs of caffeine that wore off since lunch somehow kicked in again. Nothing has to fail.
"If one thing flops, then it's bye-bye to your grade-" Luan forcefully shoved her hand against Mr. Coconut's mouth, rolling her eyes. She fiddled with her laptop to set the PowerPoint on full screen.
Fernandez leaned on the table and put on his thick glasses. "I forgot to point this out the other day, but this isn't just your standardized oral report. I also wanted this to be an assessment to see if all of you truly done your part in your groups ." His gruff voice rung in her ears. "Therefore, I'll be calling random names in each group to report."
Her fingers froze on the mousepad of her laptop. What the heck?
He... lead us on.
Luan swallowed, looking around to receive the wide-eyed glances of terror on the other students' faces. Calm down… you did your part, and they did theirs . They studied the topic, maybe- it was the least they could do after all. Whoever would win the raffle better not lose the stakes their grades are in right now.
They'll make it out alive. We all will.
"Will you?" Mr. Coconuts quipped.
"Wonder who's gonna be the unlucky person," Whitney chirped from beside her. "Nice puppet, by the way."
"He didn't say he'd do this, did he?", Luan turned her head and whispered.
Whitney shook her head. "No, he didn't. Like, at all." She said. "He must've changed his mind this morning or something."
"Are you just gonna disregard how this girl called be nice, tuts?" Mr. Coconuts butted in.
Luan rolled her eyes as Whitney giggled. "Ignore Mr. Coconuts, he's the embodiment of an attention -seeker ."
Their conversation got interrupted as Mr. Fernandez spoke up, and with that, the official reports begin.
A girl came to the front of the class as they watched. You could see in her eyes, the flightiness of how her pupils shifted back and forth. The second one didn't even know what point to get across. The third one was a mixed bag. Things were going well, until this guy got asked a question about the report; he fell back, but eventually got ahold of himself. Two of the groups went down in agony, while the third managed to pass the teacher's standards- by not much.
As for the fate of her group? It'd be dancing on the edge of a knife, balanced by the chosen one's hands. Whatever happens, her groupmates know not to ruin the all-nighter each of them endured to make the perfect PowerPoint. Things could get worse, but it can also get better.
Everyone had their eyes near the door, right where Mr. Fernandez stood, scanning a sheet of paper with his group and their members. "Benny Stein."
The first mention of his name made her smile, until her stomach dropped. Wait, Benny?
Luan shifted uncomfortably in the front seat, shooting a glance to her boyfriend at the back of the class.
It can still be salvaged; common sense, people. They're stars of theatre plays; how can he not do this?
"Where is that guy?" Mr. Fernandez grumbled under his breath.
Shoot. Luan darted her eyes across the room to find Benny near the seat by the windows. What the heck was going on with him!?
Her cold hand clenched, fingers coating itself with the sweat of her shaky palm. 'Come on! Go up there already!' She mouthed desperately.
Benny shot her a bewildered stare. "What am I supposed to do?"
Luan sighed exasperatedly, and tilted her head to her laptop propped on the teacher's desk. "Didn't you read the PowerPoint I sent last night?"
He defiantly sat there with an incredulous stare at the presentation Benny made. As if being chosen for this was unbelievable. Incomprehensible.
"He's not up for it, apparently, sir." Bryce, the blonde kid sitting beside Benny said.
Luan gulped, turning around to the middle-aged man with a thin lip. Long, heaving breaths slipped out the slit of her mouth. Her knee bounced up and down in frantic motion, her fingers fiddled with one another. Maybe he'll just call somebody else to report-
"Oh… so, you're just gonna pass?" Mr. Fernandez grabbed her pen and took out the paper with their group's members written on it.
Somehow a nerve triggered in her as she shot a hand up. "S-sir, wait!"
"Yes, Loud?" Mr. Fernandez hummed, raising his eyes off the paper slightly.
"I can do it, in his place!" She stammered out, gulping. Luan mentally prayed persuading one of the most by-the-book teachers in this batch would work. "Benny's been going through a lot… he's didn't come mentally prepared for this."
He started at her with a deadpan look. Her classmates looked at her with mixed faces. Luan knew that look from anywhere, and it wasn't good.
Mr. Fernandez paused. " You see, I only repeat my instructions once in this class, Luan." He said firmly. "If you or anyone here fails to comply with that, then it's not my fault you chose a different route."
He turned to Benny; who's complexion turned pale. "And to you, son, if you knew you weren't prepared in the first place, why come to school? Regardless or not you were absent, you should've kept yourself updated. Aren't that what you teenagers are good at nowadays? Social media? Chatting? This is high school, yeah- not middle school. Spoon feed yourself, 'cuz nobody else will do it for you anymore."
Luan bowed her head down, already were her classmates eyeing her. Every part of her felt exposed. Watched. There were no escape signs. They were heading to failure, again.
Mr. Fernandez sighed thickly. "Alright, I guess Loud's group gets a zero out of fifty."
She sat still as gasps resonated in her ears. "Next group…"
The muffled sound of Whitney's name passed her ear. The soft brushing of a hand against her shoulder went unnoticed when the girl passed her by. Luan blinked several times; clenched her fist too to have a searing ache burst over her palm. Around her were students with blank faces alike, glued intently at the new rotten apple of Fernandez' eye; known as the next person to report.
"Well, that was a load of baloney." Her puppet whispered. "And oh, look at that, your buddy got played the lucky card."
Luan's lips pursed, breathing slowly. Shut up.
"Told you not to be such a try-hard, toots. Don't bust yourself to get the A's; it prefers chicks who don't do desperate."
Her stare transfixed itself upfront, to the plain white hue of the board, even as her mind buzzed.
She glimpsed at the back seats, finding Benny at the very back of the crowd, shrinking on his chair at the small hint of Luan's gaze. Looking down at his desk while scratching the tip of his chin, clicking the top of his pen as he glued his neck down; his eyes refusing to look anywhere up.
Luan's nails squeezed her palm, before she snapped her laptop closed; praying that a little. Returning to Whitney explaining the topic following her group's. The blonde's voice quivered through the smugness worn on her face. Her trembling arms wrote the words she had to convey with the magic of that fresh chalk. Blinking against how her eyes were growing heavy and misty, Luan tucked a hand under her chin and nodded eagerly to the discussion- if that meant nobody would see how affected she was. Whitney's doing excellent. Amazing.
How come it was Benny, not her?
The whole period went as a blur after. Was it so hard to believe? That the teacher… just straight up failed the group? Failed her?
"Class dismissed. Wait for the bell to ring, then you can all go home." Mr. Fernandez said, grabbing her laptop and walking out.
The whole class fell into a chaotic party. A mix of students went to their groups, shook hands, high-fived, jumped and cheered at the success of this crazy experiment of a high school report an upright, middle-aged version of Lori set them on. In front of her, two boys high-fived and pulled each other into a side hug, counting themselves lucky to be grouped with reporters who saved the show. Seeing them so happy in front of her, almost felt nauseating. Not having to share in their success stung.
Her head turned to the back seats, where the still-frozen Benny stuck in the same position he was in last. And it's all thanks to him.
Luan mumbled lowly, a war between fury and pity scrambling inside her chest. It's not Benny's fault… it never is. As much of a theatre-professional Benny appears, it's a dirty little secret between both of them: up to this day, he still struggles through stage-fright. Through social anxiety as well.
Which is why he would take up ten times the effort most of the Thespians would've done under a day- to memorize lines, to reread scripts, and to practice improvs- all because he irrationally freezes up at the face of a huge crowd, despite his three years of working in theatre clubs dating back to middle school. It never got easy.
Yet after all these years of going through high-standard theatre playing, and teaching comedy in workshops, but you still can't stand up for an intimidating teacher?
Luan turned back around and faced the blackboard. The edgy, swarming thoughts scrambling before her moments before social studies class ceased. Her chest felt stomped on and the adrenaline that threatened to pop her veins drained out. Luan grinded her teeth; this meant her staying up yesterday night meant nothing. That if Lola found out that her advice from the night before went unheeded, she'd laugh at their group's biggest drawback. ' What'd I tell you? You shouldn't have spent so much time on that.', She'd say.
Lana would add salt to injury; the one and only time she'd agree with her twin. ' Wouldn't be fair to know only you're stressing out, while the rest of them just wait on your command.'
"Hey… I'm sorry about what happened to your group earlier. I know how you give your all in these projects." Whitney stretched a hand before her.
She looked up at the smiling girl. Luan forced a smile and accepted the hand with a shake. "Eh, our report did fall off the clef." She chuckled. "But yours was on the right note! Geddit?"
Haha, wish it were me.
A girl with chocolate brown hair and tan skin cheered and took Whitney by the shoulders. " It totally was!" The girl, Kimberly, said. "Here's to many more awesome feats, girl! With you in the group, we'll always be number one!"
They did a celebratory handshake and walked away like Luan was a third wheeler caught up in a romantic feat. Luan scoffed as soon as they were far off. Lucky. Their leader got picked to report. Why didn't he do the same for ours?
"It doesn't need rocket science to remind you that yer annoying siblings were right, toots." Mr. C said in a deadpan tone. "You should've listened."
To avoid encountering her some of her siblings who came down for snacks late at night, she endured the pain of using her lap instead of a proper table instead, only for Luna to chime in with the concern she doesn't normally get from her. When she made up her mind to go downstairs instead, somewhere in the late hours of the night Lola and Lana came downstairs for reasons entitled to themselves, to find her in the dining room where she sat. As if being an instrument sent in to try and seduce her into falling onto the hands of sleep rather than leaving her to get the work done.
All this time, the clock hauntingly ticked at the back of her ear, as if to taunt her for having only so much time to prepare for the report.
Funny isn't it?
Luan blankly stared at the board, watching the chalk erase as a classmate wiped everything out. Good grades come to those who don't do desperate.
Ring!
The bell rang, marking the official commencement of the class. She shot out of her chair and stormed out the room; ignoring the gazes following her back. An aching pinch in her chest and a pressure on her lower back lingered as she rushed. And like all the other previous days when she gave her all but they would give her none, she simply left it behind with a tight smile on her face.
Some students got out ahead of her, and they shot her a glance as she passed. Luan dug her nails into her palm, as she sucked her lips in. The look in their eyes; I don't need your pity.
In the middle of the crowd before her, the familiar tuft of black hair walked further away. A million possibilities arose, fixated on that forsaken teacher. Hope you stub your toes on the way to the faculty room, you liar. The audacity he had to lead her on, leaving out the part where he'd pick somebody to report for him.
Her jaw clenched on her way down the corridor, counting down the lockers until she'd lay sight on hers.
Then a blur of purple and blue met her eyes. Luan cursed and dropped her head. Luna and Sam, along with some people she didn't know followed their trail.
With no other street to turn in the one-way corridor they were in, Luan straightened her posture and puffed. Look alive.
"Hey, luv!" Luna greeted her with a smile. "Has the caffeine not worn out yet?"
Her heartbeat quickened. She didn't know if she looked the part, but she did feel like it. Luan shot her and Sam a grin; even when the pain in her cheeks tried to betray her. "Nope, it hasn't. You can bet I'm feeling mug-nificent!"
Luna chuckled, "That's the Lu I know.", she said. "See ya later at home?"
"Yeah, laters." She let out a shaky laugh, pacing forward quickly.
Luan walked down the corridor before halting right in front of her locker.
She took a breath, prying her arm out of her puppet. Shoving Mr. Coconuts in her bag along with her laptop and notebooks, Luan zipped it closed and opened her locker, grabbing the other notebooks she had stuck in there to read later when she got home.
She started blankly into the locker, as if to save face from the crowd. Maybe she'd sense a state of stability if she didn't have to see the look in people's eyes as they walk by her.
Injustice. Luan thought, being all too familiar with the bitter taste of defeat. Every time her joke would fall flat. All the instances her puns only got looks or groans. The familiar road to restlessness; keeping her awake at night, thinking of how to be better. How to improve.
But days like this made the path ahead seem pointless walking towards, because who ever said today's failure meant tomorrow's success? Yesterday was a failure in itself, now this? Maybe Miss Dublin got in her nerves yesterday, but she showed mercy. Getting a sixty out of that task wasn't bad, heck- it acted as a saving grace knowing how the actual performance went.
But this? A zero, out of fifty? Was this fate telling her to just drop the act? Quit trying so hard to prove yourself better than who you were; deep inside, you know they'll never let you change.
An uninvited hand caused her to stiffen. Luan continued scanning through her locker, unfazed.
"Luan…" No... You shouldn't be here. "It took me a while to reach you-"
She cut him off.
"Benjamin, please," Her voice came out hoarsely. Why are you here? "Leave me alone."
The hand slowly slipped away from her shoulder, like a gust in the wind. "I… I just wanna say sorry for earlier."
"Save it ." Luan blinked rapidly, a stinging filling her eyes. She pressed her lips together; words were on the edge of her tongue. But he couldn't dare hear the crack in her voice. Anything but the wavering of her breath. Showing this side of her was like peeling off a layer from her skin. Something he didn't deserve to see.
She opened the pages of a book in her locker, breathing deeply to maintain composure.
Tension bled out the atmosphere. At the corner of her eye, creeped in his remorseful look. "I… this was not how I wanted my first day at school to end."
Her eyes stared straight into her locker, mentally reading the book covers before her. Luan hmphed. "What even happened to you back there? Didn't I tell you to study?"
"… I did, more like tried.", His voice took a lightly jesting tone. "But you know, what're the odds I'd ever get myself ready for this when I'm going back and forth between the hospital and home?"
Wow, so funny. She turned her head to the hallway, opposite form him. The urge to break out into a dash out of this long, unwinding conversation tugged at her. Still, that gave no excuse to ruin their performance like that.
Luan took a breath, turning to face him even as their gazes hardly met. "Oh yeah, if that was so important, then why did you come to school then? Like Mr. Fernandez said, you weren't ready in the first place, why bother come and ruin the whole performance?"
Benny winced in disbelief. "I know my sorry can't take back the nights you spent on this... but come on, Luan, do you really gotta hit that low?", he asked. "If one of your siblings were in the hospital, would you risk your time for them, or leave them behind to attend a class?"
She shoved her notebooks into the locker and slammed her locker shut. Rolling her eyes at the question. "What kinda question is that?", Luan snorted with venom. "Of course, I'm going to class- what use will I be of to my siblings? A jester? Please."
Benny shrugged. "Guess I expected that, coming from you. Silly of me to compare my story to yours,", he said. "Whatever. Look, I'm sorry again, and uh... I'll just give you some space, I guess."
"Yeah," Luan cocked a sardonic grin. "You really should."
Once he left, her lips pursed into a mournful, thin line. It was foolish enough of her to pity herself for lying in a grave she dug. And as much as she had herself to blame for Benny's mistake, it was still his fault. The job was basic, but it was his choice not to stand up in the front. To cowardly tuck himself into his chair like it'd be enough to hide him.
Without wasting another second, she trudged the halls to the exit, dragging heavy feet down the ground. A group of girls circled about and laughed amongst themselves. An emo dude passed by, banging his head to his headphones. One girl was on the phone, talking as if what happened earlier didn't happen. Like she didn't get the most bitter pie thrown at her face just minutes ago. The world looked so normal… even as hers shattered, the real one didn't stop right at her feet. It just went on.
Mug-nificent, huh?
The travel back home was the same like any other- only it wasn't for their once so bubbly, glowing younger sister. Luna and Leni talked about it while waiting for her to come out the school and into Vanzilla, and made an agreement to look over her and see if her behavior has any progress. She bet that Luan would be up and about at any minute. The moment she came in however, placed her side of the bet in a futile road- no puns, no laughter, not even a word uttered out - and what's weirder? Luan chose to sit at the very back of Vanzilla, knowing well that it was the twins' favorite spot because they could brawl all they wanted without anybody reaching out to reprimand them.
"I saw her last night in the dining room, again." Lucy sighed. "She seemed to be really in deep what she was doing."
Luna squinted and glazed her eyes over the van's rearview mirror, spotting Luan's dejected form leaning against the door. Her cheek pressed on the window as the afternoon sun graced her features. She was too far for her to see clearly, and maybe it could've been merely an illusion from the mirror, but her eyes turned glossy.
A bad day wasn't a biggie- we've all had our moments. Obviously, today was hers- but still, turning a blind eye to her right when Luan looked moments away from losing it- yeah, she wasn't that bad of a sis. To even think about doing so made her feel like garbage. Luna dragged a heavy hand down her face, groaning as she dropped it on the couch. A hard pill to swallow, but Leni wasn't the worrywart at all- she was the one who just cared less.
"So, you picked up on her demeanor too, huh?"
"What can I say," She shrugged. "Luan's easy to read."
Then when Leni parked on the driveway, Luan wasted no time grabbing the key from under the rug and rushing into the door first. As much as her body felt compelled to chase her down and bridge the gap once, Luna stayed glued to her seat until Leni turned off the ignition, until the rest of her siblings came out and went in the house. Until Leni gave her a look that said, "I told you so."
Deciding it for the best, she didn't go up to her room after coming into the house- who knows what hormonal ball of angst she'd face in there- besides, nothing helps out people more than the privilege of privacy. So, she dropped her bag on the ground and slumped on the couch with her phone. Suddenly, Lucy popped in, telling her about the night Luan was sleep-talking, and it stemmed from there.
"You're lucky.", Luna scoffed. "I've been trying to coax Luan into talking to me about her life and all that, but she won't budge, dude.", She leaned on the couch and rubbed her temples. "I'm just tryna extend a hand out, but she pushes it away! All she does is argue with me, or make a joke out of it. Gurgh- it's bogus! How could somebody be so obnoxious, yet so secretive about their feelings?"
"As I've heard through the walls.", Lucy simply stared at her through the curtains of her bangs, giving Luna some space to cool down from her ranting. "Luan's a tough nut to crack, unfortunately. As expressive as she may be, opening her up is a different story. I'd tell you to just let her be. Maybe you can jump into her jokes, and hope that it'd be enough to build up some trust. When both of you get comfy, try asking her again. That way, you'd give her a safe space to open up."
Luna stared at the ceiling for a moment as the years shifted in her head. That… actually made the most sense.
She twisted her head to Lucy shooting an incredulous stare. How did her sister, as young as nine-years-old, learn this?
The tip of her lips twitched ever-so-lightly. "I do that with Lynn."
Shortly after, Lucy excused herself to go upstairs- by vanishing in thin air and leaving her to ponder those last words. Luan wasn't Lynn, though-while Lynn was a literal wall of stone, Luan was more like, a sad clown. Prove her wrong, but the last time she checked, poking at Lynn's fragile ego only drove her to push herself harder to assert dominance over you. With Luan, as much of a psycho she goes to pull out the next prank, fooling the jester with the same ringing impact didn't take as much. Luan played with their fear factor, but it wasn't tricky to tug at her strings either- didn't she break down on April Fool's last year, after playing her to think they're leaving Royal Woods?
Luna chewed on her lower lip. Nah, she couldn't just prank her little sis like that. For what? To get her to open up about what she's having nightmares about? That was desperate, too much of a bad thing. It's not like Luan had done anything that bad… yet. Every teen's gone through that road through hell- when you question what mistakes you made, realizing you got nowhere to run, seeing how your life's falling apart before you're twenty- been there, done that.
And hey, if she survived through it by strumming her guitar and letting herself dive into composing her heartbreak out, then surely, Luan could do it through her jokes too- after all, that's what she did when Lucy ousted her as the youngest performer in the Royal Woods theatre; dude just couldn't shut up about the silly contrast between goths and comedians, making everything she said a quip related to the two.
All she needed was a little space, for sure. Luna grabbed the remote that laid idle beside her, before switching a channel. Then after that, she'll be back as new.