๐บ๐๐๐ ๐ฒ๐๐๐
"If you can't bring yourself to smile, be bored. Never give them nothing. Nothing can be anything. Bored is exactly what it is. Laid back. Calm. Confident. Bored is exactly what you want to be."
xxxxxxxxxxxx
Laid back. Confident. Bored. And above all else, keep calm. Every second spent on camera is essential. So if you can't smile...
Of course, I can't fucking smileโ
Keep calm.
Just until you are on the train.
Keep calm.
The rest of the world would be none the wiser of the chant running through her head. To the world, she was perfectly and positively bored. Her minute reactions were something that no one would ever really catch. The events leading up to the games had just a week to run on; no one would have time to analyze every second of every moment captured.
And that was a deep relief. Her slip-ups were brief, even if they never should have happened at all.
Delilah released Caspian's hand, her head snapping behind her to show the approaching Peacekeepers that she was compliant and could walk herself. Something that didn't stop one of them from still giving her an unneeded nudge while she was mid-step.
Normally she would have shot a glare back, but she couldn't do that. At least one camera was locked onto her every move, feeding film back to who knows how many screens... who knows how many eyes... sponsors. Sponsors wouldn't like someone who glares at Peacekeepers.
Keep calm.
One of the white-clad assholes walked in front of her, leading the way into the Justice Building; the other was directly behind. Their longer strides forced her to walk faster than her typical pace. Otherwise, she would have been stepped on, no doubt.
But despite the troubles running through her mind, she would keep her head high, her shoulder set, and her walk perfectly elegant... even if annoyingly brisk for the heels she was wearing.
They led her into a room, well, more like pushed her through a door before pulling the door shut. There was a distinct click of a lock... leaving Delilah trapped.
There had to be worse prisons, though. The room was elegant; frosted windows allowed for only the use of natural light. The sun bounced all around, enveloping the velvet couch, glistening off a glass chandelier above, casting shadows onto the deep carpet... reflecting off the mirror hung as wall decor.
Delilah narrowed in on that first. Going straight up to the mirror, she first addressed her hair. Her blonde curls screaming from escape but would only be more confined as she adjusted some of the neat little pins holding it all together. Then looking down, she ran her hands down the sides of her dress.
The base of the dress was a soft pink, but overtop laid a blue tulle, a single thin layer on the skirt to provide a shape to the dress, but an overlapping effect on the top to fully cover the pink. Off the shoulder, an asymmetrical skirt, a thin pink ridden at the waist, and a sweetheart neckline she had come to love more and more since she was gifted the dress at fourteen.
It was a simply pretty dress. One that complimented her in every way, from the undertones of her tanned skin to the blue of her eyes. It was a very... innocent dress, formal in just the right ways for a teenager. If she had gotten through this last year without her name being called... she would have liked to wear it just once for a social gathering. Pity it had to be her Reaping dress all those four years... and pity it now always would be.
But, really, there was no doubt she would someday be called... going uncalled was never a serious thought on her mind. Maybe just a pleasant dream from time to time.
Delilah stepped back from the mirror, looking herself dead on as her face for the first time dropped. Her eyes closed, hands clenched at her sides... and she just started taking in deeper and deeper breaths.
Keep calm.
Keep calm.
Have to be strong for Cecelia.
She perked back to attention when she heard the door click again, swinging open as a small girl with strawberry blonde curls was pushed in, a harsh "Two minutes," spoken by one of the armored fools before the door slammed shut again.
They met in the middle; Delilah completely washed off her whole persona as she dropped to her knees, arms wrapping around the small girl that crashed into her chest. Suddenly the bored tribute was a frantic girl, holding her nine-year-old sister with what could only be considered... grief. But she would fix that up real quick, blinking away what little moisture built in her eyes and taking her sister by the shoulders.
Keep calm.
Separating them, Delilah rubbed her sister's arms, her gaze soft as she tried to soothe the girl who refused to even open her eyes, "Cece, you have to remember to be strong, okay? We knew this would happen eventually, and now both of us really need to do our best."
Cecelia's eyes opened, their eyes meeting... ones steady, reassuring... the others wide, terrified. Delilah did her best to force on a smile, "Everything is going to work out just fine, okay?"
"But what aboutโ"
"Don't you worry about anything." That didn't seem to help with much of anything. Finally, a single tear slipped from the young girl's eye. The whites of her eyes burned red as the fight to stay calm became a losing battle.
Delilah had to swallow the building lump in her throat, closing her eyes for a moment to get a grasp of her own mind; she had to clear her throat before she could get out words, "Cecelia, I need you to be calm, so I can stay calm right now. Can you just take a few deep breaths and listen? Just listen. I don't want any negative thoughts, okay?"
Her messy curls of hair bounced as she frantically nodded, the poor girl doing her best to get a grip... knowing... unfortunately knowing, that Delilah needed, above all else, to stay calm. Whipping at her eyes, she started breathing, ignoring the congestion building in her nose.
Delilah smiled as her eyes held nothing but love for the girl before her. Brushing some of her hair behind her ears, she steadied her voice, "Everything has all been worked out for you. Edith has no qualms about housing you rent-free. You will have nothing to worry about. And Issy and Belmy and Fiona and everyone will be there to watch with you and explain everything to you at any point. Everything will work out, okay?"
Whether the reassurances or just the voice of her sister, Cecelia had started to relax. The built-up water in her eyes was at least gone.
But she still had one question, "And is the plan still for you to come home?"
Delilah froze, the words a brief slap to the face. But she took no time to allow it to hit any deeper.
Keep calm.
Luckily the distinctive click at the door saved her; both sisters heard it. Pulling in for one last hug, both whispering their "I love you" before Cecelia was ripped from her arms. Cecelia didn't scream, but as she was dragged away, the tears in her eyes started to build again.
And to that, Delilah had to break her eyes from her sister's, instead catching the attention of the second Peacekeeper, one quick demand flying from her lips, "No more visitors."
She didn't get a response before the door was slammed again, the click the last thing to hang in the air. But she didn't seem to worry she had been ignored.
Instead, Delilah just rose back to her feet, flattened her dress, straightened her shoulders, and approached the mirror once more. And there she would pat down her hair and stare herself dead in the eyes as she forced herself back to a mask of boredom.
Almost to the train.
Keep calm.
Keep calm...
xxxxxx
No one else came. Delilah spent the next ten minutes keeping her mind busy by counting the seconds. Thinking of nothing else, preparing for her next brief moment in the public eye.
By the time the door flew open again, she was already standing ready, allowing the Peacekeepers to get in formation and nudge her once more... so desperately she wanted to shoot a glare, but her facade was up, and with how quick they loved to walk, she might not get it back up in time after glaring.
Her revenge on the Peacekeepers would be for another day. Another situation... if she ever had the chanceโ
Save it for the train.
Her jaw clenched just briefly as she silenced her wandering thoughts. But she was in the clear as she was led outside the Justice Building. Crowds had formed, lining the walk to the train station, clapping and hollering support. District Four may not have been the most patriotic, but no one could turn down a moment to rally.
Delilah was deaf, blind, uncaring to it all. Her eyes were straight ahead, locked on the white armor inches from her face. She wanted to curse herself. If she were more put together, she would be more excited, cheering and hollering along. Upping the act towards a blind excitement for the games.
And she would have been... that was the original plan. But alas, here she was. Stuck on doing the second best she could. Laid back. Confident. Bored. A crutch because she couldn't just pull herself together as she should have. But correcting this mistake would have to come later. Right then, the only goal was to make it to the train without breaking character.
And that she would pass with flying colors. Could she have told you anything about the walk? No. Did she manage to keep her shit together the whole way? Yes. And that is all that mattered.
She did manage to do one remotely correct move, turning just briefly to give District 4 one farewell nod before she slipped onto the train, the door slamming once more... apparently one last farewell from her less than pleasant Peacekeepers.
She was cautionary at first, blue eyes scanning the empty compartment, glancing over every window to see them all covered. And when she convinced her mind that she was finally at her first and very needed break from the cameras... she sighed.
A deep sigh, a sigh that released her mind from her facade. But it was not a sigh that wouldn't fix anything... no it was just a sigh that allowed her to finally let her mind spill.
Collapsing into an armchair, Delilah bent over, elbows on her knees as her head fell to her hands. A new chant ran through her head.
Fuck.
A door from within the train would slide open just seconds later, and the all too familiarly overdone voice of the woman from the reaping would squeal out, "Both a Calamari and a big strong volunteer! This is our year!"
Delilah looked up, pausing briefly as her eyes remained closed... and when they opened, nothing could be found. She had switched to the one state of existence that she would never be allowed in public. Nothing.
She was a blank slate as her stare turned to her Capitol Escort, Florence, who had yet to shed the silly hat. Her gaze only held for a second on the over-excited woman as she rambled, Delilah having met the eyes of the first of her mentors... Finnick Odair.
He had only won three years ago, still so fresh and new to it all... and just a year ago, he had begun his extended stays in the Capitol... There were many rumors about what that was about... Delilah didn't need the rumors to make an educated guess.
He must have noticed Delilah's state, turning his eyes on Florence and then sharing a look with the second mentor... Mags... the grandmother of District 4. Her whole life after winning the 11th game was devoted to the unofficial training of careers in 4.
Mags walked up to Florence, politely shifting the woman's attention into a calmer thread of conversation.
Finnick turned back to Delilah to see her still looking at him... and he almost looked ready to give his first mentor talk to the girl before the train door flew open again, quickly slamming shut as every head already in the compartment swirled to the last member of the group.
Caspian's eyes were just where they were expected to be, locked onto Delilah... unexpectedly though, he was so steady. Calm. He was so sure of himself. Not an ounce of regret to be found.
Delilah couldn't relate to that calm. Her eyes burned as she stared at her fellow tribute. At the fucking idiot standing before her.
Florence was oblivious to the growing tension, stuttering a bit as the train lurched to a start, "I would whoops... I would love to show you both your rooms!"
Finnick had attempted to give the two tributes their privacy, "Florence, how wouldโ"
"Why did you do it?"
Delilah was quicker. Turning blood cold as the words vehemently left her. Waiting for a response from Caspian.
And he didn't even hesitate, his entire being still so calm, "Hudson would win in every scenario over you Liโ"
"Don't!" She jumped to her feet. "What was running through your empty head to convince you that this," her hands threw into the air, "was better!"
She scoffed to herself, spinning in a circle as she started to pace all around. Her face glowed red. Her heels clicked furiously into the floor. Hands everywhere as she shouted both into the air and at him, "This is something I have been prepared for my whole life! I was ready, and I would have dealt with Hudson! You didn't need to play protector, Caspian! I had a plan! A plan! Nothing about him would have stopped me! I would have figured it out! There were always going to be things not completely in my control! And all everyone had to do was trust in me!"
She rounded back on the boy, proud to find his jaw had clenched, and his calm demeanor was slipping. So she walked towards him, stopping just a foot away as she glared up at him, hissing, "Why couldn't you just trust me?"
"Because I was scared! Fuck! Is that what you want to hear!?" He turned his head away to take a breath before pulling his eyes back to the glare he was enduring, "First, I wanted to scream when I heard your name and then hearing Hudson Magellan. The one person who would be willing to break every rule in order to make sure he won... Yeah! I heard his name and panicked, Delilah! I'm not able to just shut off like you!"
She shook her head, a false laugh leaving her, "So in the time between his name being called and them asking for volunteers. Your only solution was to replace him?!" She took a step closer, pushing him back lightly with both hands.
"Your only solution was to join me!" She pushed him harder, water building in her eyes.
"Your only solution was volunteering to join the damn Hunger Games with me!" She pushed him twice, losing sight of him as the tears started falling.
"Your only solution was that instead, one of us has to killโ"
He pulled her into his arms. Letting her crumble as one broken sob rippled through her. Holding her as her legs gave out and as she choked out the words that brought tears to his eyes, "Only one of us lives, only one."
And before long, they were on the ground. Caspian holding onto Delilah with everything he had. Each sob from her ripped a new tear in his heart. The reality slowly seeped in as his own tears quietly fell. The horror, the tragedy, his mistake slowly broke them both as he rocked her in a futile attempt to stop the pain.
Neither of them would find any comfort. Not as all she could do was live in the pain and not as all he could do was repeat a relentless and apologetic, "I know."