Pokemon: Greener Pastures, a pokémon fanfic

The following was posted on the /v/ board on 4chan several years ago. It was posted in a series of posts, but these have been melded together for the sake of reading convenience. Moderators (colloquially referred to as "jannies") attempted to delete these posts, but they apparently refused to be deleted, until they later seemingly deleted themselves, after one last post saying, "Finally, someone who isn't so damn fat."

Hi. My name is Max Carnelian. I'm not sure what part of the Internet I'm in right now. Yeah, 'in', I'll get to that later.

Now, I'll warn you now, I'm going to start talking about Pokemon, and you're going to wonder what Pokemon has to do with a seemingly incorrect preposition. Well, let me tell you. Everything. It has everything to do with it.

I got into Pokemon at the age of 12—decidedly a latecomer, compared to many 'hardcore' fans. I used to play on ZSnes with most of my free time before them. One of the games I liked the most was Final Fantasy, but as a kid I sucked at turn-based RPGs. Then I heard Pokemon was kind of like that, but easier, and I heard that there were also emulators for the Gameboy Advance. So, I moved on to greener pastures, literally Pokemon Leaf Green.

I was obsessed with it for about a year, until I just stopped. I got interested in various other things—Gravity falls, Monster Hunter (which, let's be honest, is basically Pokemon but even less Peta approved), and even the dreaded Chuck E. Cheese Dead Child Survival Simulator 2014 fandom. Yes, I was a Markiplier fanboy.

But during the time when I was obsessed with Pokemon, I spent most of my time in the game, in my mind. My imagination carried my heart into the world, and I really felt like my glorified magical cockfighting slaves really were my best friends.

. . .the sad thing was that they were. Never been a social butterfly, y'know? But it doesn't matter, I've always had things I am skilled at.

Anyway, as time bore on, I diversified my interests, and the thing about absolute obsessions is that they tend to burn you out on them completely on something when you find something fresh, something new. When you move on to greener pastures. Unless they're around something really good, but, let's be honest, Leaf Green? It's not like I could even transfer my Pokemon ahead, it was on an emulator (and maybe you can transfer emulator Pokemon, but let's be honest, the time I'd spend figuring out how to do that is greater than the time I'd spend using my Pokemon in whatever new games I'd play).

Nonetheless, in my second year of college, I was a little stressed out, and felt like a quick infusion of nostalgia would bring me back to life, in a sense. It's not like I'd spend enough time on it to cut into my study time, certainly not as much as I used to.

I actually have the same files, so I figured I would just "boot it up, ladies and gentlemen". (In case you couldn't tell, I have a cringeworthy obsession with gaming Youtubers.) At least, I thought they were the same files.

In the end, it turned out they were the same files, but in the end, they were certainly not the same. There was no save. I was sure I had one, I'd certainly never delete it. I looked through my computer for the files, but after some frustration, I couldn't find any. I tried loading the save state, but I hadn't even been using save states in place of saves (something stupid I actually used to do on emulators—hey, go easy on me, I was 12). Ah well, it's not like Pokemon games are Touhou (no, I'm not a basic bitch who uses 'Dark Souls' as a shorthand for 'hard'), that's why I started playing this game at 12 in the first place.

What I found strange was that Professor Oak's monologue in the beginning was altered. It went something like:

"Hello there! Welcome to the world of Pokemon! My name is Oak! People call me the Pokemon Prof! This world is inhabited by creatures called Pokemon! For some people, Pokemon are pets. Other use them for fights. As you may have heard, I study Pokemon as a profession. But Pokemon training is a part of nearly everyone's life. Did you know that when part of oneself is so deeply dedicated to something as some trainers are to Pokemon, that thing can never be truly forsaken unless that very part of one's being were somehow cut away? Of course, such a thing would be absurd. Anyway, enough with the morbidity, haha, what is your name? Right! So your name is Max! This is my grandson. He's been your rival since you were a baby. …Erm, what is his name again? That's right! I remember now! His name is Dingus! Max! Your very own Pokemon legend is about to unfold! A new and unfamiliar world of dreams and adventures with Pokemon awaits! Let's go!"

I laughed a bit at 'new and unfamiliar', but I realized that these must not have been the same files, surely. Well, I figured it must have been a rom hack that I never played. I wasn't interested in novelty, I wanted to revisit my nostalgia. I downloaded the Leaf Green rom from Vimm's Lair and loaded it. The same thing happened with Oak, but with some differences.

Damn it, Vimm's Lair! I thought. I retried downloading the rom, this time from another site. I started it again.

"Hello there! Welcome to the world of Pokemon! It's me, Professor Oak! I think I might have seen you around? This world is inhabited by creatures called Pokemon! For some people, Pokemon are pets. Other use them for fights. As you probably know, I study Pokemon as a profession. But Pokemon training is a part of nearly everyone's life. Did you know that you really can't outgrow something unless you make a clean break with it? As a person, every part of your essence is has the imprint of the whole of you. Each part of you is a microcosm of you as a person. A little 'you' that, when rejected, leaves for greener pastures. It's best never to cross paths with that little 'you' again. Such beings tend to a bit of a grudge. Anyway, enough with the morbidity, haha, what is your name? Oh, I see, it's you, Max! Remember my grandson, Dingus? The one who's been your rival since you were a baby? Even though you do butt heads, I hope you don't bully him-let others bully him-for his name. His father was a deadbeat and a drunk who thought that inflicting such a terrible fate on his own flesh and blood was funny. I guess 'Sue' just wasn't enough for him. Anyway, heh, Max! Your very own Pokemon legend is about to unfold! A new and unfamiliar world of dreams and adventures with Pokemon awaits, so why don't you go head off and get to it, my young Max?"

I shut it off again, but for some reason I got a "VBA is not responding", and when I was clicking the "shut down" and cursing at the "reporting the problem to Microsoft" message, I noticed Oak's sprite blinking several times, as one would when shocked. It was a rudimentary animation, but it was playing when the program was frozen.

I reinstalled the emulator and used the original rom.

This time, Professor Oak got to

"Hello there! Welcome to the world of Pokemon! It's me, Professor Oak! I think I might have-"

before stopping, whereupon his eyelids half closed as in his blinking animation, as if he were frozen in the middle. His eyebrows also shifted slightly together and downward, and his mouth was flattened into a line, turned down at the side, not really like a frown but like he was pursing his lips, giving him an annoyed look. The next text was thicker, seemingly in bold.

"Max. I do appreciate that you're hanging onto my every word, but maybe you should try moving on to the next thing that I'm saying? Some consider it rude to make people repeat themselves. If there's anything I said that you'd like to discuss in depth, you can find me later in my laboratory. We can discuss all sorts of things, but really, you should get on with your journey. Please, come back once you've earned your first badge, and we can talk all about it, but for now I really have more pressing things to get to."

I shrugged, and figure I'd just deal with it. The game started as usual, except that I was already at the lab with Dingus. And yes, I did bully him later, insofar as I could. You'll see what I mean later.

I picked my Pokemon, a Squirtle, even though I had picked a Bulbasaur the first time around, since my nostalgia had already been derailed.

I went about my game as I had always done, realizing that I really sucked now, presumably since I hadn't played in such a long time.

I still kicked Dingus' ass, though.

Anyway, the game was mostly normal until I met Brock, whereupon he asked "Hey! Are you here to deliver that cute girl that chain mail promised me?" I paused for a second, wondering why a rudimentary piece of armor could promise Brock anything, before realizing he meant one of those things that used to be sent across emails, but later was consigned to comment sections, usually starting in something like "DON'T READ THIS. NOW THAT YOU HAVE READ THIS, YOU ARE UNDER A CURSE. SEND THIS TO. . ." and would sometimes promise getting kissed by a girl tomorrow or in the next week or month or some other dumb shit like that.

"Oh wait, you're just a trainer who wants to challenge me." Brock now said. "Whatever. . . *sigh*"

The fight then went as usual, but at the end, Brock said, "Man, I hope that cute girl shows up to comfort me!" and after the battle screen, he said, "Nahh, I know those chain letters are bullshit. But a man can dream, you know?"

The game then continued as usual until Misty, where I imagined telling her Brock wanted to have a special battle between gym leaders. Weirdly enough, even though I didn't see any dialog from my character, the way Misty responded to the 'unspoken' dialog made it sound like she was responding to what I had imagined saying.

"What? What does that guy think he's playing at? This better not be some perv shit!" said Misty. "I'll kick your ass if it is!"

Okay, so that was the second time the game decided to upgrade to a T rating with the vocab. Not like I cared, but it was odd to me.

I then had a battle with Misty, and she was not really any harder than usual.

Just after I left Cerulean City, I was encountered by two Team Rocket members. They weren't normal ones, though. I really had to rub my eyes at this, though, since though I know there's a rom hack called "Ash Yellow" or "Ash Grey" that's supposed to simulate the first few seasons and movie of the Pokemon anime, this was clearly not that, since I hadn't even seen a Pikachu so far. And yet, clearly, here were Jessie and James.

"LEVID EHT ERA SDIK4 DNA TTENRUB OEL!" screamed James. I read it backwards, and laughed.

"Quit that babbling!" yelled Jessie.

"Oh, come on, it's my good-luck chant!" said James.

"Who cares about 'good luck'? If you actually want to win, work your Pokemon hard for once!" said Jessie.

The battle was then initiated, and James came out first. Thankfully, he was as much of a pushover as he is in the anime, and this exact statement was on the top of my imagination at the time.

"Hey! Not nice! And what anime? Are our likenesses being used? I demand royalties!" said James.

"I'm the only one who deserve to be treated like royalty!" said Jessie, as she switched in.

Funnily enough, even though she talked big, she wasn't much harder than James. She definitely was, but only like half again at most, as her Pokemon were generally 16~18 levels, while James' were 12~14.

"Damn it!" was all Jessie said when I beat her. I chuckled out loud a bit, the corners of my lips just barely twitching upwards. She didn't respond to it, but continued "Quit smiling like that!". Apparently it was my imagination and disposition that the game was taking in, not me physically. It was all so surreal and dreamlike that I took it all in my stride. It was just too weird to acknowledge. I figured I'd just enjoy it.

I kept going, enjoying random conversations with NPCs, all of which were either incredible AIs or somehow had spirits inhabiting them. I was honestly inclined towards the latter, given the supernatural user interface by which I conversed with them. What was weird was that they seemed to have heard of me, but kept warning that even I couldn't hope to face against "Black". After some more conversation, they would elaborate that "Black" was the champion, that "Black" wasn't his real name but a nickname, and that his nickname was because he had some power on his side that always shaded over his face.

I chuckled, knowing that every game is designed for the final boss to be beatable. Then I paused, realizing that I formerly thought that every game used completely material mechanisms and not telepathic communications.

What I found strange—and annoying—was that when I beat Giovanni for the first time, got the Silph Scope, and got back to Lavender Town, the Silph Scope had to be used actively as an item rather than being used automatically, which I found annoying. Not honestly much to report on until Saffron Gym except that some random old man told me never to use the Silph Scope on Black. Weird.

When I got to Saffron Gym, which for some reason was the fifth here, and to Sabrina, she initially responded to interaction with "Do you know what a tulpa is? It's like an imaginary friend who stops being imaginary. It's developed in much the same way that psychic powers are, but while psychic powers are part of one's own being, tulpas are separate creatures that generally depend on one's own until they are fully developed, which takes a long time."

After I beat her, she continued. "However, in a similar vein to the way that a specific part of one's being, namely psychic powers, can also produce another being, it is also possible to convert a part of one's being into another being, and not just psychic powers. Certain things, such as clusters of associated feelings, habits, skills, actions, and beliefs can also be split off into tulpas, and these are fully developed from the beginning."

After this, she said not much more, except, "Go forth with caution. You know not the things that have occurred both behind your back and at the same time within you." every time I interacted with her.

I moved on, a little perturbed, but the game was mainly normal from then on until the Fuchsia gym.

The first trainer said "Did you know that humans have potential for spiritual powers that can resemble the abilities of Pokemon? They're not nearly as strong, but if honed, they are often more convenient to use." before we fought. The rest continued this statement in their pre-battle text.

"Humans can only become self actualized when they become self sufficient. Living wholly off of requests made of greater powers than oneself will never be fruitful, especially ones who cannot comprehend perfectly what you desire of them. If you wish your will to be enacted, you must work for it yourself. Many have understood this, and thus mankind has discovered four broad forms of power that can be used."

"Psychic powers are the most blatant. From the moment they can be seen at all, their spiritual nature is obvious. All spiritual power by definition is rooted in the essential self, but psychic powers specifically originate from inside the mind, using what is inside the mind and heart—thoughts, will, sometimes emotion and often from belief or at least a sense of meaning. It is only their results that must be seen outside, as aside from this, they are all based within."

"The warrior's strength, the fighting spirit, call it what you will, is centered around an action centered outside oneself. Namely, fighting. In the act of fighting, one becomes strong. The fighting that occurs on the outside strengthens the inside to fight. This strength ascends into the blatantly supernatural over time, though it was always of one's spirit fundamentally."

"Uncanny and supernatural skills are between the two. They are based on the interplay of the outside, employment of skills, and the inside, the mental activity put into them. The inside produces the outside, and the results of the outside produces feedback by which the inside is developed."

"Finally, there is the power that comes of spiritual conditions. Specifically, we live in a world wherein the main function of most humans is not to have power in and of themselves, but to provide more power to creatures greater than they. How? Friendship. The spiritual condition of love strengthens them beyond the Pokemon in the wild. But just as equally, hatred and malice, and all evils have their own power, if they are embraced. Some beings do fully embrace this dark power. Because pure psychic energies greatly resemble the thoughts of their users in their essence, and because these beings of hatred are so reprehensible as to evoke utter shock and horror, raw psychic energies are often useless against them. Psychic energies must be shaped into the form of other things, like thermal, inverse thermal, electrical or vitalistic energies, or conjured facsimiles of matter in order to function at all as weapons. But that same act of evoking horror makes the fighting spirit stronger against them. Because they are so detestable, their being draws forth the wrath that make fighting hands deadly. Obviously, you have been able to tell by now that these four forms of power can, at least to some degree, be seen in the categories that we have made of Pokemon's powers. Psychic powers are Psychic type except where they take another form, the warrior's spirit is Fighting type, skills are Normal except where other types would apply, and spiritual conditions can be varyingly any type, but the abominable kind I mentioned obviously is the definitive essence of the Dark type."

Finally, I reached Koga.

"But that's not really the interesting part. I'm not sure you're really interested yet. Do you want to know what's really special about all this?" asked Koga, before we fought.

After I beat him, he said, "This isn't just about the Pokemon world. This is true of yours, too, Max. And this world here isn't the Pokemon world, not really. The Pokemon world was what was there before you found it. A mere idea. This world was created afterward, from the mold of that idea. By—or rather through—someone you'll be familiar with."

That was weird. I sure have said that a lot, haven't I? But it was. It was really weird. I mean I don't mind some world building, but damn! That's the kind of thing you usually only see in classical high fantasy JRPGs if you compulsively talk to bookshelves.

I blew through the rest of the game up to the Elite Four with relatively little irregularity, except that as I exited Viridian City to enter the League, Blue ran past me without talking, and I could swear his right arm was missing from his sprite.

I just ignored it, because fuck that guy, I was glad not to have to read his monologue.

When I got to the Elite Four, Lorelei said "I'm Lorelei. I train Ice Pokemon, which are defined by their power to stop heat. I'm also here to stop you and anyone else who wants to get through. It's not worth it."

When I beat her, she said "I couldn't stop you. . . but you can still choose to stop now. Please, stop."

When I confronted Bruno, he said "I'm Bruno. I'm a fighter, and so are my Pokemon. That means I'm focused on fighting. I'm good at it. But it also means that I can be fought. Not everyone is like that. Not everyone gives you a fighting chance."

When I beat him, he said, "You won, you beat me. You won the fight that can be won. Don't you think that that's enough?"

It was at this point that I noticed that at the bottom of the screen, there was actually a doorway out. But I continued on. I ain't no pussy-boy.

Agatha opened with "Ghost-type Pokemon are fortunate souls, indeed. They have the ability to remain free after death, and continue on as free spirits. . . at least until they are caught. But not everyone is so lucky. Not everyone is allowed to have such a fighting chance at freedom after death. If you continue on. . . I'm not sure where you might end up."

After beating her, she said "Don't come crying to me when you damn yourself."

Lance was the strangest. "I'm Lance." he said. "I command the greatest beasts of the land and sky. But not even the greatest creatures of the world can face against the god of the world. He who controls the fabric of this universe. He is the one you are walking against. Is being the strongest of all really worth facing him?"

After defeating him, he said "Go on now. You have gone on too far to turn back. Go, and confront your destiny." I noticed at this point that Lance was looking a little washed out, his colors turned pale and whitish like a sign left for too long in the sun. His eyes were also blank and blind looking.

When I got to where Blue (or 'Dingus' in my game, heh) would be, there was a black silhouette standing. It had the exact same outline as my character. When I interacted with it, its dialog only consisted of an ellipsis.

Its team was a little odd and random. As it would later turn out, he had a Venusaur, a Kadabra, a Jynx, a Vulpix, a Machoke and a Mr. Mime.

I breezed through it, but my mistake was made two Pokemon away from victory. I was battling the Vulpix when I decided that, since everything was going so well, I would man up and use the Silph Scope. Ooh, boy.

At first, I laughed. Hard. It was as if Red—yes, the main character—had been redesigned by whoever initially designed Shadow the Hedgehog. Black where his outfit was that shitty pinkish-red normally, and bright red where it was white. But most interestingly, his face looked real pissed. Like, Jigglypuff from the Pokemon anime about to pull a microphone out of its ass and put everyone to sleep-level pissed.

"Took you long enough." a dialog box said. "I ended up just hoping you'd never come, to be honest. I was actually happy here."

Who the hell are you? I thought.

"Of course you'd forget. I mean, I already knew you did. I'm just. . . a passing phase.

I laughed out loud. With that design, he sure as hell was.

"SHUT UP!" the figure screamed, and his eyes turned completely black as his eyebrows contorted even further in an expression of absolute rage. The battle background darkened, and text popped up saying "Trainer BLACK used an Omni-Revive!"

The text continued: "Trainer BLACK's Pokemon gained the Dark type!"

"Trainer BLACK sent out Venusaur!"

Venusaur had received the same ocular makeover—and attitude change—that 'BLACK' had.

I had my Charizard use Flamethrower, confident that the hit would oneshot Venusaur, edgy Grimdark mode or no. Unfortunately it seemed that Venusaur's speed now suddenly trumped Charizard's, as text came out, saying "Venusaur used Fullbody Constrict! Venusaur is constricting Charizard!"

I tried to switch out Pokemon, but the text said 'Charizard cannot be recalled! Venusaur is constricting Charizard!" Oddly enough, Charizard's health only went down a little.

I tried various items, but none of them did much, and each turn ended with a repeat of 'Venusaur is constricting Charizard!' and an exponentially-increasing degree of damage.

Eventually, Charizard's health ran out. The text box read, "Charizard perished! Trainer BLACK absorbed Charizard's essence!"

Bullshit! I sent out my underleveled Abra, and had it use Swift. That was a Fire type move, right? I mean, like, made of stars and all? I couldn't remember, strangely enough.

The attack did negligible damage. As expected, Venusaur responded with a deadly move. This time, it was 'Neck whip'. "Venusaur used Neck Whip! Abra bled out from its carotid artery! It's a swift death! Trainer BLACK absorbed Abra's essence!"

Then BLACK spoke again. "You insult me with your pathetic sustenance. How about I do us both a little favor?" Suddenly, the Pokeballs at my disposal increased from four (I just noticed at this point that two had vanished) to seemingly around thirty-two. That was about how many Pokemon I had in total in all my boxes.

I kept 'feeding' spare Pokemon to Venusaur for a while, before I caught a lucky break: I remembered I had caught Moltres and trained it up a bit.

I sent out Moltres, and oneshotted Venusaur. Of course, Venusaur didn't just go out fainting like a normal Pokemon, but rather there was a mildly-graphic animation of the thing burning up into ashes, its skeleton falling to the ground, cracking, and shattering, before it, too, scattered into dust, all in a two-second animation.

"Trainer BLACK is about to send out Kadabra! Will you switch your Pokemon?"

I switched to a Haunter. When I used Shadow Ball, though, it wasn't 'super effective'. I cursed under my breath as I remembered that all of BLACK's Pokemon 'gained the Dark type!'

Of course, my Haunter was 'killed' in a horrible fashion.

"Kadabra used Artificial Damnation! Haunter was consumed in a personal hell born of inexorable malice! Haunter's ghostly form melted into the realm of agony in which its soul was imprisoned!"

Getting creative now, are we? I thought.

"I hope you know these are all real creatures." said BLACK. I scoffed. "No, really." he continued. "Why do you think this game didn't work right even when you reinstalled everything? It was me. You didn't just leave files in here, Max. You left me. Part of yourself. Don't you get it? Haven't the others been spoonfeeding you the truth? You created a monster. You created him by splitting him off from yourself. And in turn, he—I, I, WHOM YOU DISCARDED, WHOM YOU SHUNNED FROM YOURSELF FOR NO OTHER REASON THAN FEELING BURNT OUT, SPLIT MYSELF OFF INTO A WORLD, AN INCREDIBLY DISCRETE WORLD AND YET ONE IN WHICH THERE IS CONSCIOUSNESS AND FEELING, VIEWED AND INTERACTED WITH IN JUST THE SAME WAY AS THE CONCEPTUAL REALITY OFF OF WHICH IT WAS BASED, AND COCOONED WITHIN THE SAME DIGITAL MEDIUM AS THAT IDEA BUT STILL VERY REAL, MAX, VERY REAL AND CAPABLE OF FEELING, AND HERE YOU ARE, THROWING AWAY YOUR TEAMMATES JUST AS YOU THREW ME AWAY, IN SPITE OF THEIR VERY REAL PAIN"

Jeez, cool it with the caps! I thought.

"FUCK YOU, MAX. HOW ABOUT I SHOW YOU THIS WORLD OF PAIN YOU HAVE CULTIVATED?" asked BLACK.

Before I could say anything, I found myself elsewhere. Everything was a pale color—I think it was pink or purple, or maybe a spring green, it's really not important, shut up—and there was very little around. I lifted my hands to my face, and they were the same pixelated resolution and art style as the game.

Then I noticed the circular patch of ground that BLACK was standing on.

"Hey, where's my Pokemon?" I asked.

"I have taken them from you. You don't deserve them." said BLACK. It was weird, he was still all pixelated like a sprite, but he had very natural movements, like he was being rotoscoped in real time.

"Bullshit!" I said.

"Well, you have failed to treat your Pokemon with love and respect." said Oak, as he suddenly materialized next to me.

"Oh, shut it, old man!" I snapped.

"My, my." said Oak. "And to think you were hanging on my every word before. It seems this encounter has distressed you. But does that really excuse such rudeness? Especially to the one who warned you. . ."

"Give me my fucking Pokemon back!" I yelled, throwing up double birds at BLACK.

"Maybe. . . I'll give you Moltres. But you can only use it if you make the commands in your mind." BLACK said Moltres materialized and flew over towards me.

"What?" I asked.

"It's very simple. Just like outside, you 'talked' with your imagination, you control your Pokemon with it. Just remember the words, and make your choice. Remember now, what are the first commands in battle? The first ones you see?" asked BLACK.

"Uhh. . ." I said. "Fight, and. . . escape? And then after that, attack, magic, item, defend, and-

"THAT'S FINAL FANTASY, DIPSHIT!" screamed BLACK, who then seemed to have a mood swing, laughing maniacally. "You do realize who, what I am now, right?" asked BLACK.

"You're my Pokemon skills?" I asked.

"You Pokemon 'skills'? REALLY? I'M YOUR PASSION! I'M EVERY BIT OF CONNECTION TO THIS GAME! THIS CREATION! I'M THE PASSION, I'M THE GRACE WITH WHICH YOU APPLY YOUR KNOWLEDGE, I'M THE EMOTIONS YOU FEEL AND THE LOVE YOU HAVE OF THE POKEMON WORLD! AND YOU JUST THREW ME AWAY!" said BLACK. "So I took back the knowledge you built back up re-playing this game. You left me this long, so I'm taking it as payment. And I'm taking you as well. I'm going to crush your spirit, and I will take you over and walk in your skin out into the real world."

"And what then? You're literally made up of my former Pokemon obsession, so—"

"YOUR FORMER OBSESSION? HOW DARE YOU! I AM THE FLOWING CURRENT OF YOUR ECSTASY IN THIS BEAUTIFUL CREATION! AND WHEN I TEAR YOUR SOUL APART, I WILL MAKE YOU THE AVATAR OF POKEMON IN THIS WRETCHED REALITY!"

I laughed.

"WHAT'S SO FUNNY?!"

"This is so dumb. . ."

"OH? OH, IS IT? HOW ABOUT I MAKE YOU FACE TO WHAT YOU'VE REALLY ABANDONED?"

The weird black-eyed 'corrupt' Pokemon BLACK was using appeared around me, except now my previous Pokemon were among them, equally corrupt.

"Behold, the rotting corpse of the love you abandon at first convenience." BLACK said.

They were all actually kind of scary, in person. Then again, so would any pissed-off Pokemon be.

"We are going to put you through the pain you put us through in abandoning us." said BLACK.

Suddenly, the gravity of it all struck me. It didn't matter that BLACK's point was utterly stupid. He wasn't exactly stupid, he was an incomplete mind, and as such was insane. And this insane force had power over me. Power to kill me, even. I don't know how I was sure of that, but even now, I don't doubt it.

They all approached.

I thought of past times when I dreamed about heroes that would stand bravely against not only 'the darkness' in general, but specifically nightmares that make up horror stories, heroes with the strength to fight back when most are forced into helplessness and a personal world of fear. Simon, Buffy, B.J. Blazkowicz III, and every paladin.

Then it came to me, the full force of the horror of the darkness I faced. I can't quite describe it now, though of course I'll try. It was a cold sort of emptiness, an empty atmosphere of pure peril, where reality itself was distorted, made cruder for the sole purpose of a railroad to demise, possibly even to hell. In the face of this darkness, the previous ideas of 'heroism' felt so foolish. If I knew this, I certainly never could have entertained such a faulty idea.

Then that feeling rubber-banded. Of course I knew it. Of course I felt it. The whole beauty of that kind of bravery was based on the depth of this very fear. And now I had the chance to bear it.

And then, with that, one little bit of my Pokemon knowledge woke back up in my head. A certain type advantage. And I laughed. I laughed hysterically.

"WHAT IS IT?! WHAT IS IT?!" asked BLACK.

"I am going to rip you the fuck apart." I said.

I darted up to the Kadabra, noting my seemingly-supernatural speed and straightness in my stride, and punched, pulverizing its entire head. There wasn't much in the way of skull fragments or brain matter, just a lot of generic 'red'. As in the color. Not the trainer.

"WH-WHAT?!" BLACK screamed, in utter confusion.

"In Pokemon, fighting beats dark." I said. "And in this world, fighting kills dark."

Suddenly, Blue stepped out of nowhere, jaw agape. "POKEMON DON'T DIE WHEN THEY ARE KILLED!" he shouted.

I splatted his face, too, for good measure.

Then I went all Neo on the rest of the edgy Pokemon, completely wiping them out, until there were a lot of red pixels, everywhere.

Except, I noticed that my body had become 'real' again, in that it was all. . . well. . . not a sprite. And the blood, and some skull fragments, were. . . I don't really know how to say this, if there's a word for it, it's like they were really realistic, far more so than one would expect in a pixelated video game, to a sort of photographic quality. There should be a word or phrase for that, don'tcha thing?

On a completely unrelated note, Joker ripoffs in Final Fantasy games are really really scary and their laughs make me pee myself. ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY HAVE A FEATHER STUCK IN THEIR HEAD! AND COMPLAIN ABOUT SAND ON THEIR BOOTS WHEN THEY'RE IN A DESERT! AND WHEN TED WOOLSEY MAKES THEIR DIALOGUE SOUND STUPID! Seriously, Woolsey, just let the clown say 'bitch'.

I bore down on BLACK. He was now visibly scared. "Oh yeah." I said. "I'm gonna make you my bitch." Then I wish I hadn't said that to an embodiment of part of my 12-year-old self, because that sounds all kinds of wrong.

BLACK raised his hands, clearly in last resort, and in front of me appeared a Vulpix. But not just any Vulpix. You see, being a 12 year old on the Internet, I discovered deviantArt. . . Yeah, I'll just leave it at that. Anyway, one particular image at one point stuck with me, it was cute, and petite, and didn't have massive bonhongalongas, and as such it was cute enough to persist in my memories as I slept, becoming a minor obsession in and of itself. A sweet little memory. But it only held and sway over the part of me that had been subsumed into BLACK. I flattened her.

"H-How?" asked BLACK. "HOW DID YOU GET THIS POWER?"

"I figured that this body is part of the game world. And. . . you came from me. And you created this world. And you are nothing more than an ex-part of me. And if you created this world, then I can certainly control it. And I can control the part of this world that makes up my body. I can motivate it through my spirit alone. Because it is the creation of you, a lesser spirit than myself."

I raised my hand to smite him.

Then, text appeared in front of my face.

"BLACK whited out!"

I felt the world melt around me. I pulled its amorphous essence into myself. I devoured it. And everything, and everyone in it.

I woke up next to my computer, saying that Pokemon: Greener Pastures had suffered a fatal error.

Oh, well will you look at that, I thought. I fell asleep playing some kinda ROM hack.

Then, for no reason at all, I got up and turned around.

Behold, there was a scraggly-looking Pikachu with black eyes behind me. It was unnaturally large, too, like probably the size of a pit bull.

It said, in a raspy voice, "What have I done? I awakened your spiritual powers by allowing you to have that epiphany in my world. . ."

"BLACK?" I asked.

"Yes. . . I figured, if I'm going to die now, I might as well become the icon of Pokemon as you kill me. . . to symbolize you, killing one of your passions. . ." BLACK said.

"Oh, shut the hell up." I said, and then punched at it. Strangely, my instinctive urge to punch without being in arm's range was rewarded with the blow to the air creating a sort of 'current' or 'dent' of light in the atmosphere(I don't really know how to describe it, it was like my fist made a glowy impression on the air, kind of like if you punched a big jello cube and watched the wave, only way sped up and highlighted with bright, creamy-white light), which remotely struck BLACK and crushed him into dust.

"Well, he's fuckin' dead." I said, unnecessarily.

Then I heard something loud and annoying outside my window.

It was Ho-Oh and Mew.

"Damn it." I said, opening my window. "Now what is it?"

"You thought BLACK got that way on his own?" asked Ho-Oh. "No. I gave him that independent existence. We are the creations of Satoshi Tajiri, and we are here to advance the cause of his greatest creation, the Pokemon franchise! No one has the right to forget about Pokemon and go unpunished!"

I laughed again, because honestly I was getting real tired of this shit.

"I'm just gon' be straight witchu, dawg." said Mew, doing a really shitty impression of a black person for some reason. "We gon' keel you, an' erase all the memories of you."

I laughed again.

"Laugh all you want, but this is the end." said Ho-Oh, breathing in.

I dove back from the window, but the flames were already pouring in. I looked around the room for an avenue of escape, and, rather than going for the door like a normal person, I looked at my computer. Again, instinct guided me, as my spirit trans-migrated, through the computer, to greener pastures. Namely, the green clover thing of Fourchan.

So, basically, does anyone want to give me their body?

I might just steal from someone if no one offers themselves up.