Ah, the realm of the forsaken, such a simultaneously merciless yet welcoming place.
Whilst the Spirit Realm may be a source of relief for others whom depart the Mortal Realm, it comes as a punishment for others, ranging from those who have brought an immeasurable amount of destruction upon Earth for their own selfish gain all the way to those who caught a fever at an inopportune time. The Spirit Realm may seem welcoming to some yet damning to others, and that's where our story begins with the recently ascended Lord Shen.
His talons wander through the ashes of the world destroyed before him, trees are incinerated by a phantom flame as his red orbs gaze forth in shock, obscured by the fog there sits a lonesome campfire far in the distance, yet when the young lord steps forth; he senses nothing but the crushed skulls of those he had killed before him… The skulls of pandas whom were victims to his plundering, outrage and genocide.
A shiver shoots up his spine as he turns to his right, faintly catching a glimpse of the wartorn husk that remains of the Panda Village he once tore to shreds so many years ago, whilst another replays the memory of his ancestral homeshed, the Tower of the Sacreds Flame, collapsing before his eyes and morphing into ashes; seemingly on repeat. A once unwavering attitude to commit to his destruction of pandas and the Warrior of Black and White had now shrunk down into a frail consequence, one that happens to be ticked on a list of many following the young lord's actions.
With every breath he takes, his lungs are filled with an unbearable agony as he struggles to breathe, strangled by the grief and dread that he projected onto so many as he finds himself lost, forsaken, abandoned and condemned to this new realm. One minute ago, he swore that he was just about to climb free from the wreckage of the boat after being crushed and drowned, his lungs slowly filling with air… The next, fireworks filled the sky and with three bright flashes, he was transported here.
A solemn, low strumming Erhu, played in the background as Shen attempted to reach forward once again, this time slipping into the skulls before seemingly being transported into the sky and falling onto the original pile that he stood upon once he ascended. It was time for him to retake his steps.
The twisted trees reached up as far as the eye could see as a few crows looked down upon him, their eyes seemingly filled with blood as the trees were stained with a red fault-line like stain mixed in with the very same shape that was etched onto Shen's tail. He was no longer Lord Shen, he was merely Shen. No longer was he the child of a noble family, or a conqueror, he was merely another soul amidst the valley of many.
He made a futile attempt to speak, but that sounded like bravado in comparison to the gust of wind that blew by, obscuring his eyes with ashes and prompting him to cough as his throat closed up and he collapsed to the floor, sinking through the skulls and being forced up into the sky to crash into the original pile once again. It was time for him to retake his steps.
"So… This is what I get for my mistakes? Every wrong move I make… I'm condemned to fall into the skulls and the sky? Does nobody understand what I've done, why I've done this? How, despite being condemned here, I will always have a place in the history books!?" His voice sounded like thunder amidst the wind, his anxiety overpowered by his rage as he attempted to grab his staff yet witnessed it melt into his wings; before long, he realised the only thing he was wearing was a thin brown robe… His robes of royalty and honour were stripped away from him just like his metal talons. "Oh, that's why I'm not able to walk properly. Apparently scars don't heal, like that panda so foolishly declared; but why should I care about that? Why should I care about any of this at all? I know what I did, and in my eyes, it was the right decision," The Spirit Realm disagreed with him, prompting him to slip and crash into a tree before he fell backwards, this time, he was allowed to get up as opposed to being reset to his previous position.
As he walked closer to the entrance of this forest, he felt his vision shift, gone were the wartorn and desolate villages; instead they were replaced with a vibrant village of thriving pandas that seemingly didn't notice him as he walked amongst them. He witnessed them playing, giggling, innocently practising Kung Fu as well as perfecting their craftsmanship of cooking utensils. The more Shen gazed upon the Panda Civilization he would later wreck, the more regrets formed within his mine.
"They all look… So innocent and harmless, yet one of them was destined to stop me or to kill me; but why would that be? What did I do wrong?" At that moment, the world around him reshaped itself, replaying a gruesome view of what he did to that same village as he sadistically chuckled in response. "Oh, right. I wanted to kill them the moment I heard about the prophecy. But I still wonder why my parents would ask for the Soothsayer to begin with… That isn't how this madness started but seeing my future encouraged me to change it for the better, to my own benefit; I couldn't have cared about anyone else as they constantly looked down upon me, like I was the weak one-" All of a sudden, a familiar voice shook Shen's ears as he turned to his left and saw one of his most traumatic memories playing, a rather simplistic moment where he's picked on by other royals at his academy.
"Just because I'm black and red, that doesn't mean I'm weak!" Shen's young voice prompted the peacock to tremble as he felt his disturbed attitude melt away by the second.
"Then where are your colours? Do you think anyone would actually want to play with you? No… Your mama and dada are just close to the council but you're becoming too useless for us to want to talk to you. If you want us back as friends, you should tell them to lower the taxes on our families!" A group of phantom peacocks looked down at Shen, treading on his wing before shattering his mechanical marvel, which happened to be a blade that could be turned into an axe as they walked off laughing… But that wasn't the end of the torment.
"Yin, I've been thinking… We've been hanging out together for a long time, you know, besides me dealing with family affairs. I was wondering for my sixteenth birthday, that you'd go on a date with me?" Shen felt himself internally folding as he recalled the inferno-inducing memory of him attempting to ask out a lady of his own kind.
"Hah! Nice birthday joke, Shen! You can be a real trickster sometimes, you know that, right? - Wait… You weren't joking, were you? EW! LIke I would ever go out with someone who can barely stick up for themselves; your only good quality is the fact your parents are the city's governors, it's probably why Xue went out with you for so long… Way to ruin another friendship, Shen. I thought you were just here to have some fun but clearly you were thinking about other things this whole time," The blue-chested peacock folded up her arms as the ghost of Shen was virtually left in tears as he shook his head, clenched his wings and then fell backwards off the wall they were perched upon to disappear into yet another scene… The more Shen walked forwards, the more the crunching of the skulls beneath his feet bothered him as the memory of the Soothsayer declaring his prophecy at age eighteen began to replay.
"Our son is very troubled and requires your help. He won't stop leaving imperial grounds, he refuses to employ himself; he spends most of his time manufacturing deadly weapons for bandits and is even working with them! Please tell me that there's a way to stop this madness," Shen's blue-feathered father declared to the Soothsayer as Shen watched on from behind a supporting pillar within his father's throne room.
"Please! We love our son, we want him to become a brave and strong ruler, even if people believe he's weak; we don't want him turning to banditry to fulfil himself or to find a sense of belonging," His mother soon cawed as the middle-aged Soothsayer set up her bowl alongside the materials she would need to make a prediction.
"Yeah, as if you didn't sideline me for a decade and pretended that I didn't exist for most of that time, leaving me to find other things to do with my own time… Like you care about me… If you did care for me, you would've found the time to talk to me instead of flaunting your imperial duties," Shen muttered to himself as he watched the memory of Soothsayer declaring that he would be stopped by a Warrior of Black and White.
"That's horrible! What can we do to stop this?" Shen's father desperately inquired, raising his brow as the Soothsayer soon began to pack up.
"Allow destiny to run its course," The faint voice of the Soothsayer disappeared into yet another memory of Shen rallying his army, this time, his ears were filled with a ringing that made him writhe in pain as Shen tried to plug his ears with his wings but to no avail, all before he tripped up and tumbled down a hill, only to be greeted by a steaming campfire, a small shack as well as a set of trees that seemed like they were in good condition… Plus, for the first time, Shen's eyes graced grass as opposed to ashes and skulls.
As he picked himself up, it suddenly clicked as to why he had done all of those horrible things, and that was just a taster of the things he achieved to fulfil himself; and that reason for self-fulfilment was nothing more than the fact that he wasn't given the right amount of attention when he was younger, therefore forcing him to come up with creative solutions to his loneliness. However, some of these solutions would come at the cost of creating a huge problem, not only for his own mental state but for his family, those around him and those he ended up endangering ahead of time.
He rubbed his blurry eyes, cleared his throat once more which resulted in a flurry of coughs all the while the crushing of skulls beneath him suddenly morphed into a grainy texture and he could feel part of his injured talons colliding against some brittle dirt, furthermore, he swore he could see a pinkish-red alongside blue silhouette through his blurry vision. One thing he knew for sure is he felt as if he was no longer alone.
"Who goes there?" Shen's voice boomed, sending a shockwave forth that shook the deep green grass, the ash-covered log as well as the flames on the distant fireplace as he suddenly felt two separate pairs of eyes tracing him. "Why are you looking at me like that?" Yet, he couldn't figure out who he was gazing at considering his vision was blurry… That was until he heard a voice that his ears hadn't graced in over two decades.
"Shen?" His mother, stricken with grief and sadness, spoke up with her soft voice kissing his ears whilst his vision instantly returned; almost as if it had been healed after not hearing her voice for so long. "Shen?!"
"Mother? Father? Shouldn't you be somewhere… More peaceful? Instead of trekking upon my forsaken memories," Although he tried to maintain his composure, he was unable to contain the tears that started to stream down his cheeks, even as his composure remained mighty and stiff. For the first time, Shen was experiencing feelings of guilt. That he was responsible for all of this.
"Son? You shouldn't be here… You have decades left… Am I seeing things? Am I seeing our son again?" His father turned to his mother, only for her mother to lunge forward and to grace Shen with a hug. "No way… You're here?" His father couldn't help but bawl up with tears as his mother already started to weep on his shoulders.
"I'm sorry…" His mother managed to eke out amidst the tears as his father began to calm her with his grace as well as his own touch. "We're sorry for everything…"
"You're… Sorry? Sorry for what? I'm the one that caused all of this, that caused all of this destruction, this pain and chaos- I'm the one who scorched the Earth, you were just trying to rule over Gongmen-"
"And that was our biggest mistake," Shen's father offered a wing to the albino peacock as they all took a seat together upon a ash-stricken log, finally united with one another after two decades of separation. "We thought we could rule whilst raising you at the same time, we thought we could get away with neglecting you, we disregarded your feelings, openly called you weak and even worked harder as we thought you wouldn't be a worthy ruler that was fit for the throne. We blamed you for it the entire time, we blamed you for every small fault, for aiding the bandits, for creating weapons that I'm sure would later go on to defend China had they been used for something great… But we also know we're responsible for the dark path that you took, it's actually the reason we perished mere days after we exiled you. We realised what we had done and it was too much for our hearts to bear," Shen couldn't help but cackle upon hearing his father's words as he slapped his wing off his shoulder.
"How dare you? How dare you assume that you're responsible for everything, that somehow, you're the one responsible for all of this; the pair of you! I appreciate the half-baked apology but this is the exact reason why I became the way that I was and still am, it was the fact that you were so willing to decide everything for me and take responsibility on my behalf; to tell me what my destiny was, what to do and not to do. For eighteen years, you mocked me, called me weak, blamed me for everything, said that I was unfit to rule! I'm the one responsible for proving you wrong! For proving that I was strong, but the fact I had to do that in such a ruthless way to begin with, to have some control over my life… I'm not surprised your inability to control me killed you in the end! You can pull out your crocodile tears all you want but you don't understand what I've been through my entire life! Besmirched, betrayed, underestimated, reduced to NOTHING thanks to a stupid panda and I did all of that for you, to prove that I was strong! And I never even got a thank you… I just got exiled instead," Yet, one massive detail was revealed as Shen looked behind him and revealed his memories to his parents and that was the fact that he was seemingly unable to see the wrong within the methods he used to prove his parents wrong.
"We're sorry-" His mother attempted to speak up but was unable to as Shen chased her down instead, leaping from his log and standing before her with a psychotic grin on his face.
"Oh, you're sorry? You're sorry for not raising me like a real mother and father should? You're sorry for prioritising your city above me? You're sorry for trying to make the maid my mother, for hoping that I would die whenever leaving the city to run your errands? For being your emotional punching bag? For being called useless when I invented effective weapons? For bringing you profits in the form of inventing countless things that would later be sold across the city and receiving none of the credit… For deciding my destiny and for believing that I would do nothing with my life? You're sorry for all of that, are you? PROVE IT!" Shen's rage could easily snap the entire Spirit Realm in half as Shen's mother and father trembled before him, clinging onto him as they both looked upon him with fear filling their eyes alongside their veins.
"I-I don't know how- you'd want us to prove that- son-"
"Don't son me. You're not enough of a father to call me that. YOU'RE the reason I did all of that to begin with. YOU'RE the reason I'm here to begin with, thinking that you could read my mind with that blasted Soothsayer and her crazy prophecy-"
"Yet you admit that it's crazy- how come?" Shen's father suddenly made an unexpected breakthrough. "If you thought it was crazy… How come you did all of that? Was it to make us proud and to prove that you were strong?"
"...Why does that matter to you? Of course it was, but you showed no appreciation-"
"Shen, we've always been proud of you-" His mother attempted to calm him down but the albino peacock merely reacted by shouting "BULLSHIT!" at the top of his lungs. "How can your own mother and father not be proud of what you did? We've had twenty years to reflect on your accomplishments and we will always be proud of you. From you making the blueprint that would go on to define the majority of Gongmen City's architecture all the way to making swords that would go on to be used in combat by some of our finest warriors all the way to even using metal to defend yourself… We have always been proud of you and your accomplishments but-"
"But the woes of imperial life got in our way. We aren't your normal set of parents, but we wish we were. There was constant pressure on us, on you, we were the centrepiece of one of China's most prosperous cities and were constantly judged. It was a demand for us to do the impossible, to raise a child, regardless of if they're albino or not, to run the entirety of the city, attend meetings half way across China, defend the city itself, handling the bureaucracy; I'm sure you retook our throne if you made it back here and I'm sure you can understand how hard it was to rule over everything and how you barely had any time for yourself…" For once, Shen's father had a point, it wasn't like he was going to forgive him anytime soon but it was enough to simmer down Shen's rage and make him think twice about his rage coupled with his judgement.
"I did retake your throne… I tossed it out of the window and burned your precious homestead with my fire-breathing cannons. I raised an army, conquered Gongmen City and regions far beyond it. There was no scrollwork or bureaucracy involved because I was a strong leader, not a weak leader like the pair of you. I led an empire through conquest and strength, something you were convinced I could not do. I defied both of your expectations and yet the most you can do is apologise to me and offer me an excuse? I'm glad that we reunited but I would much rather spend my time reflecting alone. I was THIS close to killing that stupid panda yet I failed and it's all your responsibility, apparently; that I should give you all the credit just like I have my entire life!"
"You did what you had to do as a ruler and I respect that… But please, don't leave. We've spent so long without one another, all of us, we deserve to be united as a family once again… And if we can't atone for the mistakes we've made together and alongside one another right away, at the very least, we would like to prove how proud we are and how apologetic we are. This may be where our street ends but our path does not need to stop here, Shen. We've got the rest of eternity inside of the Spirit Realm, we might as well spend it together," Shen's father wasn't exactly the most competent at convincing him to stay but Shen merely looked out into the distance to see nothing but a light-siphoning voice sitting amongst the shadows as he turned to his parents and saw their warm, compassionate and welcoming eyes looking upon him proudly.
"Well… If there's a place for me to talk about my thoughts, it would be here and you two seem to be more forgiving and less prone to blaming me for everything. If anything, it seems like you've gone from blaming me for everything to blaming yourselves for everything in the absence of responsibility… I just wonder- why did you do it? Why did you feel the need to project on me so harshly? Why couldn't you have just tried to be like normal parents and show me a little bit of your pride as opposed to saving it all for the afterlife?" Shen's parents were hit by the brick wall that happened to be that question considering they had no concrete answer to offer in response to their son's question. "Really? You've acknowledged all of your mistakes and have had twenty years to enhance your wisdom inside of this dreaded realm yet you've got no answer as to why you suck as parents other than having imperial duties-"
"It's because we didn't expect to have a son to begin with, Shen. We tried our best to remain descendant-free as long as possible but we were pressured by the Emperor to bear a child when it was already hard enough to run the city. If we did not have a child or a successor lined up within their timeframe, we would've been exiled from the city just like you were the moment you attempted to gain control of your destiny. It's a cycle of life, our destiny was pre-determined the moment we inherited the throne from our parents, you're lucky to have been so defiant and that's the reason we're so proud of you; but we also suck as parents considering our destiny was also out of our control and we were unable to do anything- especially with the doctors and the healers calling you weak and the likelihood of you surviving was low. We were unable to control everything yet we were forced into trying to control as much as we could, our destiny itself was controlled by the Emperor and our previous parents before we were forced to marry one another, control Gongmen City and birth a successor when we didn't intend on becoming parents at all," Shen's mother responded rather candidly, attempting to make it clear to Shen that it wasn't entirely her fault and in a sense, Shen could relate to her considering he had his destiny controlled by them for a long time, right up until his death.
"And then… With our teachings from our parents and us marrying to take control of Gongmen from separate cities, our destiny was set in stone, just like our parents and then our grandparents from across China… And we projected that on you, just like how we had a responsibility to control so much and we were destined to be bound by our duties, we also saw it as acceptable to do that with our own son without regard for whether or not he's a person or a strong ruler… That's our biggest regret. That we tried to treat you like our imperial duties," At that moment, Shen found himself becoming weak on his feet once again, this time collapsing into his parent's arms as he realised at long last, he had found the reason as to why he was mistreated for so long… That unlike the Dragon Warrior, with his destiny being positive, Shen's destiny was always negative in nature and that illustrated how unfair destiny could be sometimes.
"So… You tried to control something and it backfired, too? I-I don't know what to say. I mean, I knew the destiny of being stopped by a Warrior of Black and White was bad but I would say being born into royalty is worse- especially for you as my parents… You really didn't have the time to spare for me, didn't expect me and therefore neglected me- that sounds really grim but why am I starting to understand why you treated me the way you did as opposed to rebelling against it?"
"Because there's a huge tradeoff of being born into nobility… I envy the peasants, they have more freedom than we could ever have; especially those pandas. Their lack of responsibility was something that I ogled for as long as I lived, up until you massacred them… But that makes me wonder, how were you stopped and how did you end up ascending here?" Shen's father inquired as the red and white peacock began to finally calm down, his anger suddenly replaced with an overpowering tsunami of guilt, misery and despair.
"A panda supposedly survived the massacre and put an end to me amidst my rage. I was dedicated to putting an end to him, for the act of controlling my own destiny… The same way that you were determined to control your own destiny by originally shying away from having a child as long as you could; I still think you could have controlled your own destiny by paying attention to me a little more during my youth but I'm also… Oddly understanding of why you couldn't do that and I also understand the consequences of my actions, of your actions; of our actions combined. Being a conqueror sucks, all of that for a space inside of some history book that'll probably find its way into a dusty corner in the library in one hundred years. Jokes on the Dragon Warrior, I bet his name will be forgotten eventually, too… All of that for a slot in the history books, a temporary glance at glory. I never knew I would feel so futile thanks to one sentence-"
"We are slaves for the past, present and future. If anything, you've made the most impact thanks to your weaponry defining the future, but you still went through a tremendous amount of effort to prove yourself to earn that spot in the history books to begin with. In the grand scheme of things, we no longer matter in the Mortal Realm, which makes our lives feel even more empty than they already were… We might as well forget about the Mortal Realm, our accomplishments there and start out fresh here, hm? I've never gone beyond the dark horizon, but I know someone brave enough to wander through the darkness," Shen's father patted him on the shoulder as he pointed towards a lonesome boat sitting inside of a deep purple ocean.
"This may be the Spirit Realm but… I agree. We should find a new purpose together. Where all streets end, our path does not stop," With that, Shen alongside his parents ascended from the ashy log they were sitting upon and boarded the vessel, sailing off into the void and destined for a second chance inside of the afterlife… One where they could atone for their mistakes and truly rest in peace.
Author's Notes:
Usually I make an attempt to strive for quality but I happened to have written this whilst sick with COVID-19 and I'm still recovering. I was literally in bed with my laptop writing this but I had a lot of fun regaedless! - This is also my first attempt at exploring Lord Shen as a character in greater detail so this might be a little worse than usual, I hope you can forgive me regardless and still go on to enjoy this story!
Thank you ever so much for your time and I will hopefully catch you all when I'm less sick! Farewell!