Content Warning: Discussion of sexual abuse of minor

"I can't tell her. I want to so bad, but I can't." Nonon Jakuzure was rolling around in a pile of stuffed animals on her bed, her tiny body sinking into the soft hill. Her room was pink and frilly beyond reason. Plushies in myriad forms littered every otherwise open space. "I'll go crazy if I don't tell her, but I can't tell her!"

"Just tell her, please! I'm sick hearing the same shit from you!" Uzu Sanageyama dropped onto a Nonon-sized pink chair that squeaked under his weight.

"If you truly hold feelings so deep for Lady Satsuki, then you must express them! You never know when she might find someone else to love, and then you'll never be able to admit how you feel!" The giant who barely fit inside Nonon's bedroom was Ira Gamagōri, and he certainly wasn't speaking from experience when he talked about not confessing to one's love before they found someone else to be their partner. There was no way he was talking about a certain brown haired, hyperactive girl who was now in a relationship with Ryūko Matoi. Definitely not…

"You didn't even offer us tea." Hōka Inumuta shrugged and sat on the edge of Nonon's bed. "You're a terrible host."

"You can make tea yourselves, you know where the stuff to make it is." Nonon's voice was muffled due to her face being pressed into an eagle plushie.

"This isn't how someone asking for advice should behave." Inumuta spoke like he was addressing a child.

"Shut up."

"Wow, you don't even have the energy to come up with a witty retort. The snake's a venomoid now."

"I don't know what that means."

"Why won't you tell Satsuki how you feel? Even if you don't think she likes you, what's the worst that could happen?" Inumuta poked at Nonon.

"She could be disgusted at the very idea that I imagined I could be in a relationship with her, disgusted that I've secretly had feelings for her since we were little and was basically leering at her for our entire lives." Nonon sank deeper into her plushie mountain.

"You really think Lady Satsuki would react that way?" Gamagōri crossed his arms. "Lady Satsuki is too elegant and empathetic to react so harshly to innocent affection! She would never interpret your devotion to her as anything perverse! Anyone as loyal to Lady Satsuki as we are should know that."

"That loyalty we all display is part of why I'm sure I'll be rejected." Nonon tossed and turned. "All four of us have been loyal to Satsuki, we're all on the same level to her. I'm not special."

"You're not blaming us now, are you?" Sanageyama leaned forward.

"Of course not. My point is that Satsuki sees me the way she sees you three. I'm just her loyal friend, not a potential partner."

"You can't keep your feelings inside like this, it's eating you up. Even if you're rejected, you can still be friends with Lady Satsuki and you'll have closure." Inumuta stood up. "It's scary, but telling Lady Satsuki how you feel will be good for you. And who knows, maybe she'll reciprocate."

"That's impossible. None of us are good enough for Lady Satsuki." The man from Kanto released a single chuckle.

"You aren't helping, Sanageyama." Gamagōri said.

"I'm sick of this. Just tell Lady Satsuki how you feel already! We all know how this'll end, so just rip off the band-aid!" Sanageyama stood up and stomped right up to Nonon's bed. "Tell Satsuki how you feel, or I'll tell her!"

"No!" Jakuzure erupted from her plushie igloo. Even more terrifying to Nonon than admitting her feelings to Satsuki was to have someone else tell her. For Nonon's feelings to be shared around like gossip, for that to be the way Satsuki learned the truth, it would be horrible. That would truly make Nonon's attraction feel like some dirty, perverted secret she was keeping from Satsuki, something a third party had to expose.

"Sanageyama! You don't have the right to share the secrets of others!" Gamagōri seemed to grow even bigger than he already was. His hand grasped the green haired man's torso from behind.

"Jakuzure, tell Satsuki or I'll tell her!" Despite Gamagōri's attempt at intimidation, Sanageyama did not budge in his resolve.

"Okay, how about we all stop for a moment before someone does something they can't take back." Inumuta stepped between Sanageyama and Jakuzure.

"I know telling Satsuki is something that can't be taken back, that's the point!"

"Please don't tell Satsuki! Please!" Nonon was on the border of hyperventilating as her body kept jittering.

"Then you tell her!"

"I-" Nonon was faced with an ultimatum that could not be escaped. In that case, the answer was obvious. Telling Satsuki was the only thing Nonon could do. There was no way she could let Sanageyama of all people do it.

And yet the obviousness of the answer didn't make it any easier to follow through.

"Just call Satsuki and tell her. Do it quick and brace yourself for whatever happens. No! I can't tell Satsuki something so big over the phone, she'll think I'm not being serious. I have to look Satsuki in the eye when I tell her my feelings. I'll call her and tell her to meet with me, and then when we meet I'll tell her how I feel. But that gives me time to chicken out and cancel the meeting to get out of the whole thing. No, I won't do that, because then that monkey'll tell Satsuki everything. Damn that dumb Kanto monkey! I'll call Satsuki! I'll do it right now! But hearing her voice in my ear while I'm feeling this way will be too much to handle. I'm never able to call her anymore. Text! I'll text her! Duh! I just gotta do it…right now…right now…just text her…Stop hesitating! Just go! Do it! Right now! Don't think, just do it!"

"Gaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!" Nonon snatched her phone from her nightstand and rapidly tapped up a message that she sent before she could even think about hesitating. "Here, are you happy now!"

Nonon held out her phone to show the text she just sent.

"Hey gotta talk to you about somthing importan really important. It's personal Can we we meet up something soon so can talk ? Prefer a private place Sorry to spring this on you."

The trio of men in the room read the typo filled message.

"Are you actually gonna follow through with this?" Sanageyama raised an eyebrow.

"I am! You aren't giving me a choice!"

"We'll see." Sanageyama crossed his arms.

"You can do this, Jakuzure! All you need is courage! Prove the strength of your heart!" While Gamagōri's encouragement was appreciated, it didn't do much to make Nonon feel better.

A ding.

"She responded." By the time Inumuta had finished saying those two words, Nonon had already spun her phone back around so she could see Satsuki's punctual response.

"Of course. I'm here for you whenever you need me. When and where would you like to meet up?"

"She's so nice! Aaaahhhhh!" Nonon was punched in the face by her infatuation with Satsuki and her every quality. "Respond quickly or you'll try to double back!"

"Whatevs good fr you" Nonon sent the message immediately. "Why'd I answer so fast, now I seem desperate!"

Ding. Satsuki answered immediately as well.

"If you are sure, then how about your place on Sunday? My house is still being renovated. Does ten o'clock work for you?"

"Yes."

"See you then. Feel free to call me if you can't wait."

"Thnks see you then"

"I did it, bitch!" Nonon pointed at Sanageyama as she spoke with a screeching voice full of both triumph and frustration.

"Just make sure you actually tell her." The Kanto man leaned back and crossed his arms.

"My my. I'm honestly proud of you." Inumuta's complement was soaked in condescension, but he was nonetheless telling the truth.

"I did it. I did it. Now I just gotta…shit." Now Nonon had to follow through and tell Satsuki her feelings. Dread had replaced Nonon's sense of relief. "Now I have to tell Satsuki how I feel!"

The three men in the room all sighed.

The following days left Nonon in constant anticipation of her meetup with Satsuki. Never once did the thought of Satsuki actually accepting her feelings manifest in Nonon's mind. There was only one way the conversation could end and that was poorly.

Nonon was the conductor of a popular orchestra, and normally she was able to let all her worries fade away while she and her fellows practiced for their next performance, but this time Nonon couldn't focus at all. Instead of properly guiding her musicians, she just kept trying to figure out how she should handle her conversation with Satsuki, how she'd broach the subject of her attraction, and how she could convey her feelings in a way that won't come off as creepy. She could never come up with any method that she was satisfied with despite how long she contemplated. All she accomplished were many chaotic practice runs for her orchestra's next performance.

When the day of the meetup had come, Nonon woke up early, or she would have if she had actually managed to fall asleep the night before. Unfortunately Nonon's nerves had made it their mission to ensure she didn't sleep a wink. This left Nonon with bags under eyes that she refused to let Satsuki see, so she did her best to hide them with makeup.

The tiny woman cleaned and organized everything in her home to make sure that nothing was out of place for Satsuki's visit, and she did so with such fervor that she worked up a sweat that necessitated she take a second shower. That meant she had to reapply her makeup and find a new outfit to wear.

The stress was starting to become hard to handle. Nonon was actually bordering on having a panic attack. If she couldn't cool her head, then she'd be forced to cancel the meetup as to not show Satsuki her disheveled self, but then Sanageyama would assume Nonon had backed out of admitting her feelings, so he'd tell Satsuki that Nonon was in love with her.

It was when Nonon reached the peak of her exasperation that there was a knock on her front door.

"Not now! Why is she so early?" Nonon power walked over to her front door while trying to clear her head. She took deep breaths to steady the beating of her heart, but the shakiness of her exhalations made her more aware of just how unprepared she was for this.

Nonon grabbed the knob of her front door and took a moment that lasted not even a full second. In that instant Nonon allowed herself to stop. The choppy waters of her mind calmed slightly, enough that she was able to actually focus.

"I just gotta do what I gotta do. I can't change this, so I might as well stop worrying and do it."

Nonon opened the door and she lost her breath when she was Satsuki. She stood there with a black bob haircut that Nonon thought made her look gorgeous, though she was always gorgeous. Satsuki's beauty nearly caused Nonon to lose her composure again, but she managed to keep it together.

"Hi, Satsuki, how are you? Come in!"

"I'm doing well, thank you. Pardon the intrusion." Satsuki stepped into Nonon's home with a smile on her face. Nonon's eyes darted all over the room and specifically to all the things about it she wished she could change to make it closer to the standard of domicile Satsuki deserved. "How are you? Your text made it seem like you were troubled."

"Damn it, she knows!" Nonon's toes gripped the floor as she closed the front door. "I'm not troubled, don't worry!"

"You can be honest with me, Jakuzure. If something's wrong then I want to help you." Satsuki saw right through Nonon.

"She still refers to me by my last name." Nonon walked deep into her home. "I guess I'm kind of troubled. We can talk about it in a sec. Do you want tea?"

"Don't trouble yourself." Satsuki followed Nonon into the living room.

"It'd be no trouble, and I'm actually thirsty! Besides, I have some of your favorite tea! Sit down wherever you'd like and I'll make some tea!" Nonon escaped to her kitchen where she immediately got to work making tea as perfectly as she possibly could. She couldn't disappoint Satsuki.

"Satsuki knows something's off. Shit. What should I do? Do I just spit it out? No, I need to lead into it. But, how? Satsuki wants to know what's wrong, she won't let me dodge around the point of me calling her over for long. Sanageyama said I had to just rip off the band-aid. Maybe he was right. God, the fact I actually think Sanageyama might be right about something shows how messed up I am right now."

Nonon carried a tray with the finished tea on it into the living room.

"Here you go! I made it just how you like it." Nonon handed Satsuki her tea before sitting down with her own cup. Satsuki sipped her tea, a smile forming on her face.

"Wonderful."

"Thank you!" Nonon drank some of her tea, but she couldn't taste it as her senses were all focused on Satsuki. "So how have you been lately? Anything special happen?"

"Things have been the same as ever. I've just been living the simple life. What was it that you invited me over to talk about? I don't mean to come off as impatient, it's just that it seems like something serious is upsetting you."

"She's so persistent. That's one of the things I love about her."

After swallowing some spit, Nonon decided to do what she did before when she texted Satsuki. She would just act without giving herself time to overthink things, or think at all.

"I'm not upset, it's just that there's something I have to admit. Okay, so I'm-" It felt like an object was caught in Nonon's throat, as if something had appeared in her chest and reached up through her neck. One last wave of anxiety tried to stop Nonon from finally admitting her feelings, but she mustered up the resolve necessary to follow through. "I'm in love with you, and not in a platonic way, in a romantic way. I've been in love with you since kindergarten. I'm sorry for not telling you, I was afraid of how you might react." Nonon bowed her head, less as an act of apology and more because she wanted an excuse to avoid looking Satsuki in the eye.

But Nonon had to look up eventually. When she did, she saw that Satsuki was wide eyed, but otherwise hadn't moved or said anything. She was just sitting silently.

"What do you think?" Nonon shrunk in her seat, bracing herself for the worst.

"I'm…surprised" Satsuki relaxed a bit. "I honestly didn't expect you'd tell me something like that when I came here today. All this time I never had the slightest inkling that you felt that way. Part of me feels like it should have been obvious, but I also feel like saying such a thing would diminish you by implying all your kindness towards me was motivated by your self-interest."

"Are you angry? Do my feelings bother you?"

"Certainly not. Why would I be upset with you?"

"For not telling you about my feelings, which is basically lying by omission." Guilt overcame Nonon.

"I think 'lying by omission' is a strong way of putting it. You've done nothing wrong to me by having kept your feelings to yourself for so long. If anything, the only person you wronged was yourself given how much these feelings appear to have eaten away at you." The compassionate smile on Satsuki's face made Nonon's heart melt. Nonon's eyes became glassy. To have her feelings validated along with her struggle to hide those feelings for so long provided an emotional catharsis the likes of which Nonon had never known before. "As for if I can reciprocate your feelings…"

While Satsuki not hating her was what Nonon cared about most, she still felt tension throughout her entire being in anticipation of Satsuki rejecting her. It was simply impossible in Nonon's mind for Satsuki to want to enter any sort of relationship with her. Satsuki was perfect and Nonon wasn't.

"I'm not sure if I can or can't. I'm honestly not sure." Satsuki's answer lacked her usual decisiveness. The fact that Satsuki didn't provide an outright rejection was confusing to Nonon, as it implied that Nonon actually had the potential to be her romantic partner in Satsuki's eyes.

"What do you mean? Why aren't you sure?"

"How should I explain this?" Satsuki sipped her tea. "I began dating around after graduating high school, but nothing came of it. At first I thought it was a sign that I didn't really want a relationship, but I felt a desire for companionship that contradicted that interpretation. My second idea for why those relationships didn't work out was because I had only tried dating men. A little exploring by myself and I realized that I'm definitely a lesbian. This fact bumps up against a problem I have with being in a relationship with another woman."

"Problem?" Nonon whispered.

"My mother abused me growing up, mainly sexually. While I've learned to live with any trauma that abuse has caused me, it has left me with a hesitancy to enter a relationship with another woman, particularly a sexual one. I fear that attempting to have lesbian sex will cause me to flash back to my mother's…incestuous actions towards me."

Nonon had been aware of the abuse Satsuki had suffered by her mother's hand, Nonon was one of the few Satsuki confided in about such things, but she never thought about how the trauma such experiences would create could extend to Satsuki's future sexual encounters. When compared to Satsuki's ordeal, Nonon's own anxieties felt paltry.

"I'm sorry, I never even considered that-"

"Don't apologize for anything, you did nothing wrong." Satsuki once again sipped her tea. "Despite my experiences, I don't want to deny myself the chance to at least attempt to fall in love, especially when I might be able to fall in love with you."

"What?" Nonon blushed.

"I think that, if I'm to fall in love with anyone, falling in love with you would be especially nice."

"W-Why?" Nonon's heart was beating against her ribcage.

"You're cute, you're creative, talented, intelligent, and you're already my friend."

"Oh." Nonon felt like she was burning up.

"Considering my conflicting feelings, I'd like to at least try going on a few dates with you, and we'll see what happens from there."

"You want to try dating me?"

"I do." Satsuki's latest smile was far more…knowing in its attractiveness, more deliberate. "So does that sound like a good idea?"

"Yes!"

Satsuki chuckled at Nonon's instant response, which made Nonon blush even harder than she already was.

Despite the embarrassment, Nonon was over the moon. She had the opportunity to date Satsuki, and if things went well, they might even become a couple.

Nonon kept her expectations low and her hopes high.