Chapter 9 - Substantiating the Monster

Over coffee, Gavin called his father. He stared at his reflection in the black cup and steam rolled from its surface. "Where am I being dispatched this morning?" he asked, fingering the rim of the black mug with worry. The phone was pressed against his ear. He missed the road as if he was addicted to it. His father complimented him on his eagerness to get back to work, but unfortunately since it was raining, hauling grain was out of the question. Gavin tilted his head back in absolute dismay. "Do you need any help around the shop at least?" His father responded that all of the semis and trailers had been serviced and that the shop was tidy. Mike then offered for them to come over just in case the weather got too severe and they needed a basement. "We're fine here," Gavin replied. "Hopefully the semis don't get too banged up if there's hail," he added.

He then kept his phone in his pocket and was more conscious of it than he had been the past two days. When she came down stairs, Faith fixed herself breakfast. She ate a bowl of dry Cheerios with her hands. "What are you doing up so early?" he asked.

"I woke to go to the bathroom earlier and I couldn't get back to sleep," she said. "Alex, Dakota, and Braxton aren't out yet."

"Well, let's go to the store to get you some milk," he suggested. The little girl hopped up at once and moved to the garage. Gavin raised the door to shed some light on his grey Ford. It sparkled marvelously. He then inspected the sky beyond as he did so. It was also deep grey and it smelt of rain. Faith buckled her seat belt looking out of the window in dismay as they backed out of the drive.

"Daddy, I don't want it to rain today." He didn't reply.

When they walked into the store, Gavin told her to retrieve whatever snacks she wanted for the house while he went about grabbing the essentials. She returned to the cart with what she could carry and then went back for more. She loved Ramen noodles because microwaves were easy to use. She also loved cupcakes, bananas, apples, and celery with peanut butter and Nutella. She even grabbed some vanilla ice cream. Gavin was alright with whatever she chose and went about grabbing noodles for spaghetti and sauce to go with, along with bread and butter, milk, orange juice, and other essentials.

By the time they went to head out, there was a torrential downpour outside. Lightning lit the sky and Faith's face appeared stricken with absolute depression. "I'll race you to the truck," he told her with a grin. He made a gesture upon the cart as if he was revving the engine of motorbike. Deep noises resonated from his chest while he did so. Faith looked up at him with sudden embarrassment.

"People are staring at you…" she said peering over her shoulder as he continued revving his imaginary engine. He then took off running out of the sliding doors, a thirty-one-year-old male, around six feet tall and about one hundred seventy pounds, a suspect of immaturity. Faith jolted after him towards the truck, both of them careful of the other vehicles finding parking spots in the lot. Suddenly he pretended like he was losing control of the cart, running in a zig-zag fashion and making the most embarrassing faces Faith could imagine.

"Oh no! I blew a tire!" he shouted after her as she darted ahead. Once she reached the truck, she got in the passenger side and ducked her head in momentary embarrassment. In the corner of the window, she made an L with her index finger and thumb over her shoulder at him. He proceeded to put the groceries in the metal bin that was in the bed of his truck as quickly as he could. When she found that he was paying little attention, she raised her middle finger at him. He did a double take. She cupped a hand over her mouth and broke into laughter. Once the cart was back with the others, he dashed to the dry interior of his truck.

"Where did you learn that?" he asked her, shutting the door beside him.

"You do it to others when you go pass them," she laughed.

Gavin couldn't help but smirk and place his wet hand on his forehead to wipe away some of the rain. He then started the engine. He revved it before throwing it in reverse. He put his arm behind her as he looked over his right shoulder when he did so. She loved it when he did that. It was the closest thing to a hug she got from him. "What are we going to do today daddy?"

"I don't know, but we are sure as Hell not going to let the weather get us down, are we?" he asked.

Faith slightly frowned. "I hope not."

When they returned home, Gavin unloaded the shaken groceries from the bin of his truck in the garage. He held all the bags in just his two hands. The only thing Faith carried was the sack of potatoes. In the kitchen, he drew the groceries up past his waist and set them on the white counter tops. Faith saw his biceps flex and the small puddle of water he had left at his feet from not taking his boots off. His dark blue tank top was plastered against his chest with the rain and his platinum hair was clumped together.

"Put away the snacks in the pantry and hand me anything that needs to go in the refrigerator or freezer," he directed her, grabbing some bags of his own. Together the two of them went about putting the groceries away. Once they had finished Faith gathered all the plastic sacks and put them into one. They saved them for the bathroom garbage cans.

He then paused for a moment and put his hand on his hip, trying to think of what else that needed to be done. He tapped his hands against the counter in a fidgety manner. He needed the road. Faith heard the noise and watched him with her innocent eyes as he did so. He then reached in his back pocket for his phone. No notifications, just eleven in the morning. Gavin stood awkwardly with it in his hands, biting his lip. "What do you want to do?" he asked her, tucking the phone away.

She shrugged. "You always come up with good ideas daddy."

The pressure was on as Gavin crossed his arms. "So do you," he put the ball back in her court.

Faith went to the dining room table and rested her head upon her hands. She was hunched over and sighed heavily. Her energy was suddenly sapped from her after all the earlier enthusiasm. "What day is it?"

"Wednesday," he told her. "Why?"

She shrugged. "I can't wait to tell Bailey about all the friends I've made." Gavin smiled halfheartedly, but did not reply. "Can I take a nap?" she asked. The storm had made her drowsy, along with anxiousness that had kept her awake earlier this morning.

"You don't have to ask," he said.

The little girl then moved to her room for a nap. When she had disappeared into her room, Gavin went to the blue couch in the living room. The longer he stayed put, the more impatient and restless he grew. He wasn't interested in TV. A headache had settled, causing an absence of focus. He reached in his pocket and pulled out a cigarette and his lighter. Once he had finished smoking it and put it out in the ashtray, he put his pounding head in his hands. It was then that a loud crack of thunder sounded, followed by a loud pop. Instantly the power went out. Faith screamed from her room. Gavin darted up the stairs in the dimly lit house, for the cloudy sky only provided so much light.

"Everything's fine," he told her, peeking his head in.

"What was that?" she asked.

"Sounded like a transformer," he replied.

"I'm serious, what was it?" she cried. Faith moved over her carpet to stand closer to him, looking cautiously over her shoulder at her window. Gavin drew his brows together in confusion and then busted up into laughter. She had a lovely imagination.

"If you're too scared to sleep in your room, then I'll sleep in here with you," he told her. Since there was no power there was nothing that he could do, anyway. Hopefully, sleep would cure his sudden anxiety. He walked her back to her bed. The gloom outside was clear to them both. Faith was pressed against the wall, laying on her side. She rested her head comfortably against his chest. Gavin laid upon his back with one arm behind his head. His other dangled off the bed along with his bent leg for the twin mattress just wasn't big enough for the both of them.

"I love you daddy," she told him.

"I love you too," he responded curtly. For a long time, the two of them laid awake unable to get to sleep, but once his light snores began to diffuse through the air, Faith inspected his face in the dim light. There were slight wrinkles at the corners of his lips, also around his eyes. His blonde hair was now dry and contrasted his tan skin. His eyes were deep and dark. His lips were slightly parted as he breathed deeply. She rested her head back against his comfortable chest and listened to him breath.

His heart thudded on and he radiated heat so much that neither of them needed the covers he had fallen asleep upon. While listening to this constant comforting noise, Faith let her mind roam. Every day that went by she had so much news to tell Bailey. She wanted to let her know she was happy. Perhaps she could call when Gavin woke up?

Regardless, she wanted to see her in person. She began to daydream about a reunion with Bailey, seeing her smile and seeing her happy for her. Faith's eyes grew heavy. While she thought of Bailey, she pictured the blue house, everything they had been through together, good and bad. She remembered eating breakfast and lunch with her and also the night she helped Gavin when he was sick. She hoped that she would never have to see him like that again. Even thinking about the subject gave Faith deep anxiety. Even though she tried to get her mind off of such a memory, now she couldn't rid herself of it. It had snagged her thoughts and she was paranoid at once.

She tilted her head back up at Gavin. His eyes fluttered and his snores had disappeared. Faith sat up in discomfort. She saw the muscles in his neck had tensed, followed by his arm, then his leg. He jerked slightly and she assumed he was having a bad dream with all the twitching he began to do. When the lightning flashed, she saw the thin layer of perspiration that had formed over his face and his breathing had become unsteady. She nudged him worriedly. "Daddy…"

His eyes snapped open. "What?"

"Were you having a bad dream?" she asked.

He wiped the sweat from his face and then sat up. "I'm fine."

"Where are you going?" she asked in panic when he stood.

"I'm too hot, I'm going to go change and find some candles," he responded swiftly. Faith jumped underneath her covers as if her blanket was the ultimate shield from all ill tidings.

Gavin moved swiftly into his bedroom and placed a hand on his forehead. His hands shook and an awful headache plagued him so terribly, his whole body fell sore. His stomach knotted and twisted in awful pains and his skin felt as if it was burning and itching. He moved to his dresser and dug through the top drawer, nothing but empty bottles. His eyes grew wide and his heart thudded in his ears. He then dumped it out.

Likewise, he did this to all his drawers only to realize what he was looking for was nowhere to be found.

He then stumbled into the darkness of his bathroom and knelt before the toilet to vomit. Once he had finished, he pulled his phone from his back pocket, and shifted to his butt. He opened the phone, putting a shaking finger against the keys, but found it too frustrating. In one violent movement, he threw it aside. He then proceeded to crawl across the floor until he reached the hallway. He mustered enough strength to control his muscles and get to his feet.

"Daddy?" Faith's voice called from her room. She then came to stand in her door.

"Go back to sleep," he told her.

"Daddy are you okay?" she asked.

"Go back to fucking sleep!" The little girl retreated to her covers hearing the monster in his voice. He then held on tightly to the banister as he moved down the stairs. Once he made it out to the garage, he opened the door to his Ford and opened his glove box. He dug among papers, dropped the pill bottle in the floorboard with tears in his eyes, and began to fumble for it with his trembling hand. When it was in his grasp once more, he unscrewed the top, poured more than a few into his hand, ingested them, and wept against his steering wheel.

When he finally came back inside the world spun. Faith watched as he crawled up the stairs for there were too many for him to keep track of. He stared up at her with a half-smile. Once he reached the top of the stairs, he got to his feet again and stumbled towards his room, collapsing about half way there. "Daddy!" Faith screamed. She then began to search his pockets for his phone but could not find it. She searched wildly for it through the house, but couldn't see very well in the darkness. Despite how scared she was, she bolted out of the front door into the rain. The storm had vanished, but the precipitation persisted along with the dark clouds that caused them.

She began to knock loudly on Cyndi's door, but the woman did not answer. When Faith realized the woman was not home, she sped back indoors to Gavin. She shook his shoulder and called his name; however, he did not wake. She calmed herself at once. It took every ounce of strength in her body to silence herself simply to listen and watch for his breaths. In the near silence, among light thunder, she could hear him breathing. She then leaned against the wall with her knees drawn to her chest and watched over him carefully. Her long black hair cascaded down her shoulders like the silent tears over her cheeks.

When Gavin woke, he sat up and looked around himself. Faith was sleeping against the wall to his left. He stood, carefully, and then drew her into his arms to place her back in her bed. The power had been returned to the house now and it was dark and calm outside. With her in her covers, he then retreated back to his room. He lay awake in his boxers for the remainder of the night.

He picked up his dresser drawers, making them neat again. When that was finished, he stepped into the bathroom and flushed the vomit in his toilet. In his bed he kept an eye on his phone, but did not act upon its proximity to him. Just before he drifted back to sleep, light footsteps sounded into his room.

Gavin sat up in his black covers. The light from the hallway illuminated the recluse's dark dwelling. "What's wrong?"

"I just wanted to check on you," she told him. "You scared me."

"What are you talking about?" he cocked his head to the Faith raised her brows at him, "Earlier," she was unsure of her response.

"You must have had a bad dream," Gavin told her.

"Daddy…" Faith shook her head from side to side. Her voice quivered in a high pitch tone as if she were pleading with him.

"It was a dream," he told her sternly. His deep voice bellowed from his chest. The little girl looked down at her feet and then went back to her room.

Gavin sat before the principal's desk with his hands folded across his chest. His face was red with anger. Leah and Mike sat to either side of him while Ray sat alone. Her mother had been unable to make it.

"You are both going to be required to talk to the school guidance counselor during your study hall hours, because Ray, I've seen you in here too many times. Also, officer Due is going to go talk to your mother about your behavior. And you, Gavin, need to discuss your anger issues. You never put your hands on a woman. Do you understand? If I receive any more disturbances concerning the two of you, you will both be expelled," the principal told them sternly.

Ray looked down at her hands, which were in her lap, while Gavin was staring up at the ceiling, shaking his head. "Why are you shaking your head, Gavin?" the principal asked.

"Suspended for a week? Do you have any idea how hard it's going to be for me to catch back up without a study hall? I work outside of school, full time! Look, I told you, she hit me. I grabbed her out of self-defense!"

"Gavin," his father Mike spoke up. "I think some anger management classes would be good for you. Mr. Lanham, if he takes them outside of school, could he have his study hall back?"

"Outside of school?" Gavin turned his head towards his father. "What about work?"

"Work is the last thing that should be on your mind right now," Leah looked at her husband as if she was telling him and not her son.

"I'll need documentation by next week at the latest," Mr. Lanham told her. He then handed over Gavin's backpack and his statistics book that Ray had nearly flushed down one of the woman's toilettes.

And with that, they were dismissed from the office. As Gavin made his way to the front doors, his father handed Leah the keys to their vehicle and turned to Gavin, "I want your keys and your phone." He held his hand out. Gavin stared at it in slight disbelief. His long black lashes intensified his dark eyes. Gavin took the items from his pocket and placed them in his father's hands. "Are you going home with your mother or me?"

"Fuck it, I'll walk home," Gavin stormed out.

The heat rose from the black pavement. It was almost summer break. There weren't many weeks left of school until graduation. As he looked down the country road, he could see mirages and the invisible heat rise as it disfigured the objects around it. Sweat dripped down his chin and soaked his shirt. He could hear the crops hushing around him, but couldn't feel a breeze.

Gavin sat in the chair across from Dr. Evans. She had her hands folded across her desk. It was tidy and clean. She wore her hair back in a bun exposing her face. Her lips were lightly rouged and she smiled with light lines at the corners. Her glasses were framed with black and she wore a white button up and a black skirt. "Well Gavin, I hear from your parents you're getting ready to graduate pretty soon. Are you excited?" she asked.

"Of course," he complied to make small talk with her. His eyes moved to the name tag on her desk.

"What are you most excited about after that diploma is in your hand?" she asked.

"Getting out of that school," he admitted.

"I bet, high school is a rough time for everyone," she pointed out and moved back in her chair. Her voice was soft, controlled, and calm. "May I get you anything to drink?" she pointed to the mini fridge in the corner of her office.

When at last the first day's session was over, Gavin walked out of her office quietly. Leah was in the waiting room with a magazine in her hands. She looked up at him with a half-smile on her face. Together they walked to the suburban and he got in on the passenger side. He took to looking out the window to avoid awkwardness. "How did it go?" she asked.

"Fine," he replied curtly, uncomfortable every moment of being in the passenger seat with his mother behind the wheel. After a couple seconds of silence, he felt a slight pang of guilt that he had been so short with her. "She asked a lot of questions about me, how I was raised, how I've done so far in school, stuff like that." He kept his eyes focused on the scenery passing by his window.

"Well, that's good," she said. "You know you can always talk to me too, right?"

"Please mother, that's what you hired a counselor for." He rolled his eyes and looked out the window. His arms were crossed upon his chest in frustration. For each second seated in the car, he became more aggravated.

"We are trying to help you..." Leah offered.

He interrupted her, "Sure, because saving up for college is less important than seeing a counselor over something that I just so happened to get dragged into. I'm beginning to think that dad doesn't even really want me to pursue other things. I feel like he's trying to push me to do what he wants and that's our family business." Gavin told her frankly.

"That's not true at all and you know it. Otherwise, you would be working and not going to counseling." she argued.

"Okay Leah," Gavin called her by her first name. "How's being a stay-at-home mother working out for you by the way? I bet you really wanted that."

"I did," she said quietly. "I wanted it more than anything after I was done with the Air Force. Now I put my efforts towards helping your father with his paperwork."

"Fascinating," he said sarcastically.

"To me it is. I enjoy working with the man I love. It keeps us close now that you boys are getting nearer to leaving the nest."

"I can't wait," he said coldly. "These miles I put on that semi won't be enough."

Leah put her elbow on the arm rest and swiped the sleeve of her shirt under her eyes, while Gavin's stare remained elsewhere.

Later that night Gavin sat up unable to sleep. It was only nine at night, but his family went to bed pretty early due to the fact that they were early risers. He wanted someone to talk to. Someone he felt understood him, even if that only person was Ray. He still felt like the fight was his fault. He shouldn't have called her a shitty friend. Perhaps she had troubles communicating with others just as he did.

Even without his truck, he took to walking through the country into town. When at last he made it to Ray's house, the living room lights were still on, thus he knocked quietly on the door. It wasn't too long after that Ray answered. At the sight of him, her jaw dropped. "Are you crazy?" she asked.

"I just wanted to say sorry," he admitted. "You aren't a shitty friend. I just… I saw Andrew invite you to the party, and even though we both know how much of a jerk he is; I also knew that you wouldn't turn him down. Simply put, I was angry you went with someone else."

"Someone else? You told me you couldn't go." Ray continued to look at him in disbelief.

"I was going to sneak out," he told her, "But I couldn't say that in front of the guys, because my fucking brothers would rat on me."

"Come in." She guided Gavin into the living room and he took a seat on the couch beside her. "I'm sorry I slapped you. When it comes right down to it, I hate hearing the truth. The party wasn't that great, Andrew was a jerk, and the only enjoyable thing I got out of it was the free drinks. Once I got buzzed, it was easier to continue faking smiles. You on the other hand… What you experience is genuine and I'm glad you didn't go."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I'm jealous that you've lived such a stable sheltered life and that your family cares enough to ground you. You have a career to look forward to and at least you have your dad pushing you to do well for yourself. I don't have that. I've never had that. It's too late for me now," she looked deep into his eyes.

He peered down at her hands. "Actually, my family isn't loaded. I think we are like, lower middle class. Regardless, it's never too late for anyone. I know it sounds easier said than done, but if you've made it through so much of your past, why can't you continue to fight? If you don't finish high school with good grades, maybe you should go to a community college and do better?"

"I appreciate the pep talk Gavin, but I don't think anyone would take me seriously."

"If you really want to change the current direction in your life, they will," he said. "Anyway, I just came to apologize," he reminded her.

"I'm glad you did. I apologize, because I know I should be a better person to you, like you are to me. I still don't understand why you care so much though."

"You are one of the strongest people I know. I used to wonder why you were such an angry person, but," he paused looking for the right words. "The day I went to pick you up from prom. I'm sorry about whatever happened to you and all the bullshit you have to put up with because of it."

Ray frowned as she recalled the event he was talking about, "I'm sorry for reacting that way. I just… couldn't help it."

"Don't worry about it. Just promise me it won't overcome you." She leaned forward to press her lips against his. He cringed slightly, for his bottom lip was busted. As always, the closer she got to him, the more pain it caused him. Ray pushed him back, but with little defiance. She feared that eventually she would push him too hard and he would give up.

Just before Gavin left, he slipped his shirt back over his head and kissed her goodnight at the front door. As soon as he shut the door however, a wave of panic swept over him at the sight of his father's suburban. The head lights were on and he walked to the passenger side knowing what was best for him. Mike was behind the wheel. He had one hand rested against his cheek, the other slung over the steering wheel as if making it a point that he had been there for a while. His expression was unreadable and Gavin began to bite his lip as he looked at the dashboard.

After a long silence, Mike sighed agitatedly. "Do you have anything to say at all?"

"I'm sorry."

"You're sorry you got caught." Mike corrected him. "Why did you sneak out?"

"I couldn't sleep. I wanted to talk to Ray."

"So let me get this straight," he shifted in his seat. "You got suspended because she hit you and you tried to defend yourself. We put you in counseling because your mother and I care about you, but you make your mother cry and you go to see Ray?" Mike asked a rhetorical question. "That makes perfect fucking sense!" He smacked a hand on the grip of his steering wheel. "I get it now!" he said. "You really don't give a shit!"

Gavin sat in the silence feeling asinine.

"So where is her mother?"

"Work," Gavin said.

"Oh? Don't you think it's a bit disrespectful seeing a girl at this hour when her parent is gone?" Mike asked.

"It wasn't like that." Gavin said.

"Really, because I see a fucking hicky on your neck Gavin!" Mike shouted at him.

"I didn't go there with those intentions…" Gavin corrected himself.

The lights from the dashboard were the only thing illuminating Mike's face. "I can't do this much longer, son. I had my physical this morning and it didn't go very well. Here," he turned the dome light on and reached in the glove box for his physical results.

Gavin glanced over the sheets with dismay. His father was having heart complications and he saw the list of supplements his doctor had prescribed him. "I'm not telling you so you can use it against your mother" he said sharply. "I'm telling you in hopes that you'll think about someone other than yourself. We were worried sick about you when we found that you weren't in your room."

"I'm sorry," Gavin repeated himself again.

"Yeah, me too," Mike replied curtly. "There are a lot of things I could handle better as your father, I'm sure, but I can't deal with this any longer. You do whatever the fuck it is that you want to, because you're going to anyway. You do what makes you happy. That's all I'm going to say anymore," he snatched the papers from his son and hid them in the glove box. He then reached in the center console and handed Gavin his keys and his cell phone. "When you sneak out again, at least have your truck and a phone in case you get in trouble, but don't call me."

Gavin reached for the items hesitantly. Once they were in his grasp, his father shifted in his seat. "Well, I didn't mean to interrupt your night. Carry on. If officer Due stops you since its past curfew, you better have money," he motioned Gavin towards the door. Gavin reached for the handle and then removed himself from the suburban to walk home in silence with a heavy conscience.