Chapter 10 - Admitting the Truth
In the following weeks leading up to Gavin's graduation, he spent a lot of time alone. He finished his counseling and had put great effort into maintaining A's and B's. Meanwhile, his father had denied him hours and pay. However, this did not discourage Gavin from helping around the shop for free.
One of those days his father backed into the driveway and got out of his semi to question his actions. Gavin stood with the large broom in his hands. Sweat was dripping down his forehead as he scooted it back and forth.
"You don't work here, Gavin," his father reminded him.
"I know." Gavin continued sweeping the pile of dirt and rocks that had been brought in from the tread of the semi tires.
Mike walked over to him and yanked the broom out of his hands. "I bet it really sucks not having any money to go out, huh? Have you even been thinking about other employment options or places to stay?"
"Dad, please. Just hear me out. I haven't spoken to Ray in weeks. I finished my counseling. I've been doing all my homework assignments and helping around the shop, not because of money, but because I'm trying to do what's right."
Mike's black irises shined with intensity as he inspected his son's face. "If you can apologize to my wife-," he yelled, pointing towards the house, "then I'll consider giving you your job back and letting you stay here! Do you understand me?"
Gavin nodded his head in agreement, "Yes, sir." Mike threw the broom aside on the floor and Gavin started for the house at once to make amends with Leah.
There they sat, beautiful beasts of machines, their tall stacks extended into the air. It was the day of Gavin's graduation. "It's your choice," Mike placed a hand on his shoulder. Graham had driven a red cab over due to all the memories it held. It required the most service, but he was proud of it since it was his father's first truck. He called her Old Gal and she still ran like a champ. As for Grant, the blue Kenworth was newer than the black Peterbilt. It had fewer miles and he was strategic about his choice. He simply called it Blue.
Gavin looked down at the gravel beneath his feet with his hands on his hips. If he chose not to take ownership of the black Peterbilt, his father was going to sell it to put him through college. "Now don't worry about hurting my feelings, Gavin. Whatever you choose to do, I'm going to be proud."
"Oh, I want her," Gavin told his father without hesitation.
Mike smiled proudly and then pulled the keys from his pocket to hand them to his son. "Now remember, if you change your mind later down the road that's fine, but any money you earn better go towards your education."
He gave his father a quick manly hug. "I want a picture of you all with your semi's," Leah told them with the camera in her hands. The four of them came to stand in front of the grills to pose for a picture in the books.
Gavin worked and saved the rest of that summer. He took great pride in his rig and loved the way it felt when he drove it. There was something comforting in feeling the power beneath his fingertips through the steering wheel. Unlike the confines of the house, the whole cab served as his private domain. It came to the point of where he had more clothes in his travel closet beside his bunk than in his room. Out of all his boys, Mike gave Gavin the longest delivery routes.
The more Gavin saved, the more he was able to customize his semi. His brothers and Mike caught him in the shop working on installing various parts whenever he had the chance. He acquired them throughout the summer, picking each part with care. Mike hadn't expected him to put so much work into spicing up the old semi. It appeared to have rolled right out of a magazine.
"What are you doing here, bro?" Grant asked him one evening, finding Gavin beneath his semi.
"Just installing some neon lights," he told him.
"You're wasting your money and your time," Grant told him. "You can't drive down the road with them on, its illegal. No one's going to know they're even there."
Gavin rolled out from under the semi and stood up from the creeper with some tools in his hands. "There's a truck show coming up next month. The grand prize winner gets five thousand dollars."
Grant smirked at him as he walked past. "Why would you want to enter a competition like that? Those guys put thousands of dollars into their rigs. You don't stand a chance." Grant folded his arms across his chest seeing his reflection in the chrome steps Gavin had polished.
About that time, Mike walked into the shop. He had just come from the house to bring them their checks.
"What's this really about?" Gavin asked him, setting the tools aside to take his envelope from his father. The two brothers glared each other down. Mike hesitated before handing Grant's envelope to him, interested in their conversation.
"I just assumed that maybe you'd want to move out of mom and dad's someday," he shrugged. "Perhaps provide a place for your girlfriend and kid…"
"My girlfriend and kid?" Gavin asked. It sounded as if Grant was already assuming such a thing had happened.
"Gavin, what is he talking about?" Mike asked.
His boy shrugged. It had been quite some time since he lost his virginity to Ray and he had made damn sure to use protection. "As far as I know, he's just being an aas," Gavin put it simply with his fists balled at his sides.
"Stop trying to start shit!" Mike yelled at Grant. "Gavin is just fine staying here. He's only home about two days out of the week anyway with as often as he hauls. It would be pretty pointless for him to rent his own place, don't you think?"
"Whatever, just forget I said anything," Grant said.
"If you don't leave your damn brother alone, I'm just going to have to hold on to this check," he said, threatening to put it in his back pocket.
"Look, dad. Hold on to that check as long as you'd like, but you and I both know the truth. He needs to grow up, move out, and stop spending money on all these stupid little light up toys," Grant argued and then turned to leave the shop.
In September, just before leaving on route again, Gavin was washing and polishing his black Peterbilt. Due to the humidity and heat, he had removed his shirt and had wrapped it around his head like a turban to keep the sun out of his eyes.
Just as he began to polish the semi, a car drove up and parked a little ways back. It was a silver Pontiac Grandam. Ray stepped out in blue jean shorts and a white t-shirt. She wore flipflops and her black curly hair was down.
"Hey Gavin," she said making her way over the gravel.
"What are you doing here?" He pulled his shirt from his head, wiped his face upon it and hung it back on his shoulder.
"I was just driving around in my mom's car… saw your pickup truck in that driveway over there and thought I'd stop by and say hey." Ray sat on the steps on the semi. He then came to stand in front of her, putting his hands against the metal steps beside her legs.
"How have you been?"
She shrugged. "Fine and you?"
"Confused," he said in a slight monotone. "You never come out here."
"Is that a bad thing?" she drew her brows together.
"Well, yeah considering you haven't spoke to me in months. I really appreciate your outstanding friendship when you can't even take a moment of your time to stop and speak to me. I especially love the feeling of being used."
Ray's mouth fell open and her eyes widened as an incredulous look settled upon her face. "You have absolutely no idea…" she shook her head which had reddened with anger. "Why the fuck did I even bother coming out here?" she asked, "why did I think you would be more understanding?
You're just like the rest!" She broke down into sobs and although Gavin had tried to remain numb, he was finding it very difficult. "I only wish that you would've found out through me and not the rumors…"
"Suddenly I have no idea what you're talking about…" he admitted. His face was twisted with vexation.
"I'm pregnant."
His whole body seemed to freeze in place. There weren't any thoughts as he looked down at the gravel, just raw emotion. When his eyes met hers again, he asked, "Are you scared?"
"I've never been more scared in my entire life," he saw her eyes glisten.
"I can help you."
"Help me?" she asked.
"Well, yeah. I'm not going to just let you deal with it on your own," he said.
"It?" she drew her brows together and looked up angrily at the sky.
"What do you want me to say? What terms do you want me to use?" Gavin asked. He was frustrated, but he didn't want to raise his voice at her. The last thing he wanted was arguing or fighting of any sort.
"I'm fine Gavin. I don't need shit from you!" she said. "I can't believe you…" she was shaking her head. She jumped down from the steps and he grabbed her arm.
"Can't believe me? Ray, I've known you since elementary school. I've been a shoulder to cry on. I've helped you out whenever you've needed it. I've seen the jerks you've dated, while all this time, just being a good friend, sitting on the sidelines, never asking for more than just a thank you! You've made it very clear to me that you've wanted nothing to do with me and yet you still show up in my life. Why are you torturing me like this?"
"We're in high school. Shit happens. So what, I go out and have fun, but it doesn't mean anything compared to the time I spend with you." she said.
"You're in high school," he corrected her.
"Look it doesn't matter now. I made the mistake of asking my mom for advice and now suddenly everyone knows. I finally mustered up the courage to come talk to you and apologize, but now I'm thinking it was a huge fucking mistake!"
"Ray, bottom line, I will always be there for you no matter what, but I deserve to be treated well too. I am fed up with the mind games, which is probably why I never found out about the stupid rumors. I don't get caught up in childish bullshit!
Understand that? I need an answer and I need the answer now. Are you done playing mind games with me?"
"Fuck you! No I'm not! It's not even yours. Just forget that I came!" she yelled. He grabbed her forearms in his grasp.
"If it's not mine, then I'll let you leave and I'll look away like nothing ever happened between us, like I never even knew you." His black eyes stared into hers as if searching her soul. They both knew the truth that no one else had to know. "If it is mine, you'll stay and we can try to work things out. I do care so much about you, but I deserve to be treated right just as much as anyone else. Is that asking too much?" his voice was low as he heard his father yelling his name as he crossed the lawn.
"Son, what are you doing?!" he quickened his pace when he saw Ray in his grasp.
Gavin let go of her and she hesitantly walked back to her silver car with tears in her eyes. She pulled back the door. Regardless of all the questions his father was asking, it was as if Gavin had completely tuned out of everything else. Ray sat down and pulled the car door shut. He heard the engine come to life. He heard the transmission click as she put it in reverse. Shaking his head in disappointment, his heart started beating frantically as her car moved over the gravel, making it to the road.
"Are you out of your mind grabbing a girl like that?" Mike asked him.
"She's lucky that's all I did," Gavin said. His face was bright red. His hands shook and he felt sick to his stomach.
Early in the morning, before the sun was even up, Faith rode in the passenger seat of the grey Ford on their way to the shop. He dropped her off at his parents while Mike, Grant, and Graham headed out on the road with him. Leah was in charge of watching the children while the men were away and their wives tended to their own careers. Faith watched from the window as the semi's left the lot one after another in a caravan. Dust flew into the air from the gravel driveway.
Faith didn't like the appearance of Graham's International. It didn't have a hood extending from the cabin. Gavin had dropped his beautiful black box trailer for an old grey hopper bottom. It did not match his shiny black Peterbilt at all. She inspected all the other trailers left behind. There was another dump trailer, a flatbed, and two white box trailers.
"It sure is good to see them all together again," Leah smiled. She was still in her pajamas and house slippers. The smell of coffee was strong in the air. Faith looked back at her. "The boys are going to haul grain from ADM while Mike hauls some corn chips from Frito Lay."
Faith yawned. Leah then led her down to the basement where the other children had found their sleeping spots among the large open room. There was a play area with toys and two couches with a love seat. The couches had been folded out to provide beds for the four sleeping children. As for the love seat, it was vacant. A TV was on in the corner playing morning cartoons. While Faith's eyes moved around the space, Leah retrieved a blanket for her and spread it out across the loveseat. "Is this alright?" She also put down a pillow for her.
Faith nodded her head tiredly and curled up against the brown leather. She shivered with goosebumps at first, but quickly became warm. Across from her was a side room. She saw weights and a work out system that looked like something like a jungle gym. "When you wake up we'll have breakfast," Leah told her as she headed back up the stairs.
When Gavin and Faith returned home later that evening, they discovered Cyndi in her front yard pruning her flowers in the fading sunlight that casted a blood red color over the neighborhood. It accented her red sun dress that came to her knees and her white brimmed hat. She was barefoot and stood back from her work to wave at them when they got out of the pickup truck. Her three children were throwing a Frisbee back and forth between them in a triangular formation.
Gavin simply bobbed his head at her with a smile and went in. He had his thermos in one hand and what appeared to be his lunch box in the other. Faith darted inside before him as fast as she could. When he had all his belongings on the kitchen counter Faith peered at him with a look of hopefulness. Before she had room to ask though, he said, "Bailey called me earlier today. You want to call her back?" he dialed the number for her and the little girl held it to her ear. She sat at the table to talk.
Bailey answered her phone almost right away. They asked each other simple questions such as how each other's day was, which gave them both a false sense of security that the move hadn't really transpired. Bailey didn't concern herself with asking about the new house just yet. She told Faith that she was going to come over tomorrow and they had all weekend to catch up. Faith was overwhelmed with grief that tomorrow wouldn't come soon enough. She missed Bailey more than she had realized, because simply hearing her voice had brought tears to her eyes. It left her unwilling to give up the phone. Gavin strode over to the table when Faith held it out to him. "She wants to talk to you."
Gavin took the phone from her. Bailey told him that she would be over around noon and asked if Faith could come stay the weekend with her. At this he seemed pleased. He then made supper which consisted of Pork Chops and Macaroni and cheese. They sat together and talked about their day.
"Did you enjoy being at grandma's?" he asked.
"It was okay," Faith shrugged as she remembered all the decorations around the house. They consisted of chefs, old automobiles, semis, tractors, or airplanes. They even had a lamp in the living room that was made out of a steering wheel.
Graham had made it and it was the wheel of an old Ford Mustang. Faith remembered being very impressed by it. Only the kitchen had a womanly Italian touch to it. Leah had told Faith that her parents were from Italy and that Mike's own father had also grown up there. The two men were friends and so her and Mike met through such a connection. It was love at first sight. She told Faith that she was impressed by Mike's love for automobiles and mechanics.
Leah also went on to tell her that she had been in the air force when she was younger working on airplane engines. She loved anything that had to do with taking things apart and putting them back together. Regardless, Faith wasn't too interested. All the photos were in black and white and the young woman in the photos, surrounded mostly by men, looked nothing like the woman who sat beside her. It all seemed too hard to believe. "We played hide and go seek a lot and talked about Indiana over lunch."
"How did that go?" Gavin asked.
"Fine, I told grandma about my old school and about Bailey."
"Oh yeah?" Gavin raised his brow and bit off a large piece of pork chop, eating it as if it were a piece of pizza. "What did she say about that?"
"Nothing much, she just asked what Bailey was like and if she ever had to babysit you."
Gavin laughed lightly, "What did you tell her?"
"I told her that Bailey looked after you when you got the stomach flu or ate something bad."
Gavin nodded his head in understanding and then took his plate to the kitchen. He threw the bone in the trash, rinsed off the plate, and put it in the dishwasher. Since it was just the two of them keeping the house clean was a breeze. Faith then finished up her dinner, took a shower, and went to bed even though there was still a bit of sunlight left over. Summer days were long and she simply hadn't the energy to keep up with them.
As for Gavin, he went out front to smoke a cigarette. Miss Cyndi had taken to sitting on her steps with her back against her door. Her face appeared distant tonight. Even though she hadn't glanced over at him it was as if she felt his presence and said, "Lovely weather yesterday huh?" The smoke billowed from his nose as he looked around. Some of the neighbors' yards had twigs and branches laying in them. "Since we don't have basements, I went to my cousins," she told him.
"Yeah, we lost power here," Gavin pointed out.
"I saw that. I had to reset almost every clock in our house." She forced a laugh, but he didn't share in it. Instead, his mind had become elsewhere.
There had been times when he had to reset the clocks in his house, but many of those times hadn't been on the account of weather. Cyndi returned to her thoughts and Gavin finished up the last of his cigarette. Although work had worn him out, he was bored. Since it had rained yesterday the grass appeared taller. He then set off into his garage and got his push mower out. It was late, but he believed he could finish in time before the sun completely faded away. Cyndi watched him as he pace walked about his lawn making a perfect diagonal pattern. The mower was hushed when he did the back yard, but it became loud again when he made it to her side of the duplex.
The temperature outside was much cooler than if he would've done it earlier. When the mower was off Cyndi smiled. "Thank you, but you didn't have to do that."
Gavin shrugged his shoulders, put it back in his garage, and took his seat on the cement steps again. Still, she was quiet and even in the short amount of time that he had known her, it was unlike her. An unspoken language transpired between them, leaving questions irrelevant. He lit another cigarette, cupping the flame from his lighter with his hands. "The kids leave for the weekend," she said. "But this weekend is different. Kara is her name," she added.
He inspected her profile. Her neck was long and her jaw was angled. Her nose was petite and her lips were soft pink. Today she wore no makeup, revealing red lashes that matched her eyebrows, as opposed to dark ones. Now he also saw the small freckles that spotted her cheeks. He pulled the cigarette away from his mouth. It was between his thumb and his index finger. His dark eyes remained transfixed on her as smoke left his lungs. "What did you expect? There's a void." He told her, but it sounded as if he was admitting the truth to himself.