"I'm in love with Cas."

"What?" was all Sam could say. Something started tearing up his insides. At least that's what it felt like.

Dean took a deep breath and repeated himself. "I'm in love... with Cas."

Sam scoffed in shock. "Are you fucking kidding me?" he asked, keeping his voice low.

Now Dean had his turn being taken aback. He didn't know what reaction he would get, but he certainly wasn't expecting this. "What are you talking about?"

"What am I-" Sam wanted to scream so badly. "Dean, where is this coming from? All my life I've known you. You're not gay! And you're certainly not in love with Cas! I mean, I would have known-"

"How could you know, Sam!?" Dean yelled, not caring about holding back his emotions. "I didn't even know! I didn't know until he told me the same thing! I didn't know until he was taken away from me forever! I didn't know until I was sitting on the basement floor, bawling my eyes out, ignoring your calls!"

Sam was absolutely flabbergasted. He felt like he had been lied to his whole life. His own brother, his parent, the one person who has always been there feeding him his own shit about romantic relationships, and he was one to fucking talk!

"So... you are gay?" Sam asked.

"Yeah... or bi... or whatever the hell kids are calling it these days," Dean clarified. "Honestly, I don't really know if there is a sexuality for falling in love with a literal angel of heaven."

Sam didn't laugh at Dean's joke. "Who knows?"

"What?"

Sam's voice rose naturally in anger. "Who else knows, Dean!?"

Dean sighed. "Jody and the kids... Garth... Eileen..."

Sam's jaw dropped in shock. His own girlfriend? Sam had never felt so betrayed.

"I'm the last one you're telling? Are you fucking kidding me!?" he screamed.

"I didn't know how to tell you!" Dean screamed back. "Jody helped me feel validated! Jack and Alex were happy for me. I think Claire was actually the only one who was genuinely secretly excited. Garth was a drunken mistake when he was in town but even he didn't care too much. And Eileen was the one who gave me good advice on breaking the news to you!"

"So, what, that's like, only everyone we know, right?" Sam spat, his rage continuing to grow.

Dean tried a different approach since this one was getting too heated. "Look, Sammy-"

"Don't." Sam snapped. "Don't 'Sammy' me right now. Don't you dare."

Dean followed as Sam walked out of the bunker towards the garage. He watched as Sam grabbed one of the sets of keys and unlocked one of the cars. "Where are you going?"

"Anywhere but here," Sam answered. He didn't intend for it to come off so bitchy, but he had to clear his head and process right now.

Tears streamed down Dean's face as Sam pulled out of the garage and down the hill. "Son of a bitch!" he yelled, turning around and punching the wall. He collapsed in the doorway, cradling his hand, and cried.

Sam drove all night. He didn't know where else to go. Eileen was off on a hunt with no cell service so she wasn't answering. He didn't feel like bothering Garth or anyone else. So he went to the one place where he felt he would be understood and safe.

"Oh my god, Sam," Jody said, throwing open the door and wrapping her arms around his shoulders. Sam was too tired to hug back. Jody gave him a tight squeeze and pulled him into the house. "Come on, come inside."

Sam slowly entered the home. The last time he had visited, he brought Dean. It was about a month after Cas was taken by the empty. Sam thought the visit would be good for his brother. Alex got her own apartment near the hospital where she worked and Claire is often on her own on hunts so they crashed in their empty bedrooms. It was only for a weekend.

"Alright, Jody, I put the towels in the-" Claire stopped in her tracks in the hallway. You could watch her almost instantly fill with her own rage. "What the fuck is he doing here?"

"Claire," Jody warned.

"No!" Claire screamed, running towards Sam. "What the fuck is wrong with you? How could you!?"

Thankfully, Alex appeared right behind Claire, grabbing her arm and dragging her away as Jody stepped in front of Sam. "Hey, look at that, we're gonna be late for the movie!" Alex announced as cheerfully as possible. "We'll see ya later Jody!"

Jody waved off the girls as Alex ushered Claire out of the house towards one of the cars in the driveway. "I figured you would come here so I tried to make sure they were gone before you arrived," Jody explained. "They came over last night to do laundry."

"He called you?" Sam asked, barely whispering.

"He did," Jody said calmly, guiding Sam to the couch. "He told us what happened and mentioned you were pretty upset when you left."

Sam focused on the area rug in the living room. He rubbed his hands together anxiously.

"He was really worried when you didn't go home last night, you know," Jody continued. She ran her hand up and down Sam's arm, waiting for him to say something.

"So you knew?" Jody nodded. "When did he tell you?"

Jody sighed as she thought back. "It was that weekend you two came to visit. I heard some noises so I got up and found him sitting at the table. I asked him what was going on and he told me about Cas and his deal. He seemed pretty heartbroken so... I just asked. And it did take him some time but eventually, he felt comfortable enough to admit it might be true."

"What did you say?"

"I told him I was sorry. I asked him if you knew and he said he didn't even know how to tell you about Cas' deal. I said I could be there to support him if he wanted to tell you while you both were in town but he turned down my offer."

Sam leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, balancing his chin on his knuckles. His mind was racing as he was suddenly noticing all the things he had failed to notice before. Dean was always bummed out whenever something happened to Cas, but Sam never thought of it as a broken heart. He knew Dean was taking Cas' empty deal especially hard. Sam never thought to ask, not that Dean would want to talk about it in the first place. Even now Sam was having a hard time picturing Dean and Jody at her kitchen table, late at night, sipping tea, Jody comforting Dean as he cried his little broken heart out while, what, Sam was just down the hall asleep or some shit? Why didn't anyone go wake him or something?

"Why don't you get some rest?" Jody asked. Sam found himself yawning and rubbing his eyes. "I'll let Dean know you're here and we can talk more when you wake up. Okay?"

Sam surprised himself with how quickly he seemed to agree. "Mkay." He curled up on the couch as Jody tucked a throw pillow under his head and threw a blanket over him.

Sam slowly walked down the steps of the bunker, hearing voices coming from the library. He wasn't currently armed seeing as he ran out the day before but he also wasn't too concerned. He walked in to find Dean and Jack leaning over one of the tables, reading what looked like an old scroll of some sort.

"Hello!" Jack greeted excitedly. He was doing surprisingly well as God. Always cheerful was a good look on him.

"Hey, Jack."

Jack looked back and forth between the two. Sam watched Dean. Dean didn't take his eyes off the scroll Jack brought. "I should go!" Jack said suddenly, obviously noticing the tension in the room. "I'll keep you updated." He flashed out, taking the scroll with him.

"What was that?" Sam asked, genuinely curious as Dean took a sip of the beer he was holding.

Dean turned and walked out of the library towards the hall.

"What? You're gonna give me the silent treatment now?" Sam asked as he followed.

Dean kept walking to his room.

"Dean, come on-"

"I don't wanna fucking talk to you," Dean said suddenly, slamming the bedroom door in Sam's face.

Sam stood out in the hallway like a fucking idiot. "Guess I deserve that," he mumbled, not surprised at all by Dean's reaction.

Sam sat on the hill behind the bunker. Dean hadn't said a word to him in two days and decided it was the perfect time to do work in every single room of the bunker. No matter where Sam went, there was Dean, still not speaking to him. Sam knew he was doing it on purpose just to get to him. After all, why should Dean be the one hiding away in his room in shame?

Sam heard footsteps coming up behind him. He turned around and saw Eileen trying to sneak up behind him.

"Man! I was going to scare you!" she said with a smile.

"I could hear you walking," Sam said and signed back.

Eileen walked around and sat down in the grass in front of him. "What are you doing out here?"

"Avoiding Dean."

Eileen rolled her eyes at his childish answer. "Why are you hiding from him? You should be in there talking to him."

"I tried! He doesn't want to talk to me!"

"Have you tried apologizing first?"

Sam scoffed. "What have I got to apologize for?"

Eileen hummed. "Hmm, gee I dunno, telling him he's not gay or in love with his best friend is a good place to start."

Sam let out a laugh. He absolutely adored Eileen's blunt honesty. "Of course, he told you too."

"He thought maybe you'd come and find me," she explained, "but I guess you went to Jody's instead."

"How long have you known?"

"A couple of weeks. He asked me for advice on how to tell you."

"Yeah, that's what he said," Sam mumbled.

Eileen didn't catch what he said. She took his hands in hers and started playing with his fingers. "You understand why I kept his secret, right? Why I never said anything to you?"

Sam nodded. He was shocked to learn Eileen had known but eventually realized that it was Dean's thing to say, not hers. Eileen wouldn't out anyone anyway, period.

"God, he must hate me right now."

"He doesn't hate you."

"He should. I mean, who even reacts like that? Shitty brothers, that's who!"

"Stop that," Eileen snapped. "You are not a shitty brother. You just needed some time to process yourself."

"I shouldn't have needed time though! I should have just accepted him right then and there. I could have said 'cool' or 'whatever' or even asked him about Cas. I could have fucking hugged him or some shit!" Sam shook his head. "God, I really am just the worst. He is never going to forgive me."

"He won't have a reason to forgive you if you don't try."

Sam took his hands back and ran his fingers through his hair. Eileen scooted up next to him, resting her head on his shoulder to comfort him. "It's gonna be okay," she repeated. Eventually, Sam believed her.

Sam had had enough of this. It had been almost a week. He was getting Dean to talk to him. The guilt was eating him alive. He knew the best way would be to catch Dean off guard, some way where he couldn't weasel out of the conversation or shut Sam down.

So now Sam was sitting at the table in the kitchen, facing the door, waiting for Dean to walk in any second now. Sam hadn't really settled on what he was going to say. He didn't want to plan something out for fear that it would come off rehearsed and Dean wouldn't believe it was genuine. Sam truly was sorry and he felt awful for coming off like such a jerk. Suddenly, the past decade seemed to make so much sense. The way they would fight for each other, all the times they defended each other. Cas always being so responsive to Dean and Dean just letting him linger and follow around. The solo hunts, the staying up late talking, the looks they gave each other. Sam was never one to pick on Dean for his way of romance but oh my god, the way Sam would kill to scream at them "Get a room!" just once now.

Footsteps. Good. Sam couldn't handle the anticipation anymore.

Dean came around that corner, freshly showered and oblivious. Sam jumped up and ran over to him, embracing him in a tight hug.

Dean grunted from the impact. "Jesus fuck, Sam!"

Sam spewed out a long line of apologies. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he said quickly, like a little kid that got caught doing something they shouldn't have. "I'm sorry about Cas! I'm sorry for the way I reacted! I'm sorry that I never noticed it sooner! I'm sorry for leaving instead of staying and talking to you! I am so, so, so sorry Dean."

Still in shock from Sam's ambush, Dean continued to stand there. "And you thought this was the best way to go about it?" His tone came off as severely annoyed.

Sam removed his arms. "Did it work?" he asked, smiling nervously.

Dean looked pissed.

Sam hung his head in shame. Maybe that wasn't the right way to handle things...

Dean brushed past Sam and sat down at the table. Sam continued to wait in the doorway, twiddling his thumbs. Neither of them said anything for a moment, waiting with their backs toward each other. Sam considered just leaving and going back to his room, defeated until he could think of something else to make it up to his brother.

Then Dean spoke up. "I miss him," he admitted. It was quiet, but it was definitely what he said.

Sam turned around to look at his brother. "I know."

Dean shoved his palms into his eyes, his shoulders bobbing up and down. Sam cautiously shuffled over to the table and sat across from him.

"We'll get him back," Sam said, wishing the hope would cheer his brother up. "You'll get him back."

"No I won't," Dean said, crying quietly. "Jack's already tried."

"What was that scroll thing he had the other day?"

Dean wiped his face and propped his elbow, holding up his head. "It's a ritual. Something that might open the empty. But not without releasing every other angel and demon and god knows what else with it."

Sam nodded in understanding. Dean sounded so broken and defeated. It hurt Sam to finally see just how much his brother had been hurting.

"Did you get the chance to tell Mom?" Sam asked, changing the subject.

Dean sniffled. "No, but I like to think she knew. Even if it was so she could have an excuse to leave."

"Please don't say that," Sam pleaded. "She was going to leave anyway. And besides, she loved Cas."

"That's what I keep trying to tell myself."

Sam had to ask next. "Did Dad ever know?"

Dean shook his head. "If he did, he never said anything. Not that he talked about that shit with us anyway."

"Did Bobby?"

"For fucks sake, are you going to keep asking me if everyone we ever met knew?"

"I'm just trying to make conversation," Sam defended, shrugging his shoulders. "I really do want to talk about this with you."

"Well, like I said, I didn't even know myself until it was too late."

Sam shifted uncomfortably in his seat and cleared his throat. "Were there ever any other guys?"

Dean sighed. "Not really," he admitted. Sam's head perked up. "You wouldn't know them."

"Who were they?"

"Just guys I thought were cool or something. Not in the way I thought of chicks, but also not in the way-"

"-you thought of Cas," Sam finished for him.

Dean's face crumbled as he started tearing up again. "You once asked me if I knew what it was like... to lose someone the way you lost Jess..." Sam nodded. "I get it now."

Sam's face fell. "Oh, Dean." He stood up and ran around the table, wrapping an arm around Dean and pulling him in. "What can I do? How can I help?"

"We gotta get him back, Sammy," Dean sobbed. "Please help me get him back."

"I will," Sam promised. He'll be damned if he doesn't help his brother get back the one good thing to ever happen to him. The best thing. "You'll get him back," he continued reassuringly. "He'll come back."

coffeeaddict13