Chapter 15 - Stepping Out of Line
The months continued on into fall. With all the autumn changes, Gavin's senses never felt more alive. It was as if he was rediscovering what it felt like to be alive again. The trees turned red, the temperatures cooled, and crisp air blew through the house as Faith sat at the table with Bailey. Her papers stretched across the table as Gavin walked in. Bailey had been helping Faith with her math homework when he tossed his bags on the counter.
"Daddy, what's wrong?" Faith asked.
"Get in the truck," he said softly. Bailey saw the tears stream down his face. She took Faith up in her arms and the two followed him out into the garage. He wiped his eyes with the front of his shirt and got behind the wheel. The little girl had kept a watchful eye on him when they got in the vehicle. She waited patiently for him to speak as he backed out, but the words simply would not come.
The ride was silent. Bailey kept an arm around Faith and her hand on Gavin's knee. Bailey could tell his thoughts were distant as his shifts were out of sync. The truck seemed to mourn as well as he missed gears. Just before they reached the hospital Gavin killed the engine at a four way. He released the clutch and the engine choked and went silent. He shook his head as cars behind him honked impatiently for him to start it back up.
"It's okay," Bailey told him calmly.
When they reached the parking lot, he took Faith up in his arms and held Bailey's hand on the way in. They arrived to find Leah and his brothers standing in the waiting room. "Ma," he released Bailey's hand. Together him and Faith gave Leah a hug. The woman wept against his broad chest. "He's gone," she sobbed. "He's gone!"
In the days that followed Mike's fatal heart attack, the semis remained stationary in the drive. Gavin helped his mother organize the funeral, visitation, and burial. Bailey was kind enough to take a couple days off work to help them manage.
Through it all, she concerned herself with Faith while Gavin stayed close to his mother. Everything had happened so fast.
"Bay," he directed her. Faith clung to her dress at her waist. "Please take her home. I'm going to stay here for a little longer and make sure mom is okay," he told her with a kiss on her cheek. While Bailey took Faith, Gavin tended to Leah. The woman didn't know what to do with herself as she looked around. Flowers were scattered about the house, letters and cards piled on the table, a light on the answering machine flashed silently.
"I'm sorry," she apologized with a sob. "It's so selfish to cry, but I can't help it."
Gavin took his seat beside on her on the couch, drawing her into his arms. "Ma, the last thing you want to do is keep it bottled up," he said. His voice was assuring. "You'll never find closure if you do. Believe me, I know."
As the weeks progressed, Gavin spent time with his mother as much as possible. Between paperwork and mechanics, his hands were always busy. The two of them kept each other company in Mike's absence as Leah had grown accustomed to sitting with Mike at his desk while Gavin had grown accustomed to working on the semis with him.
"Ma, what are you doing?" he asked her as she opened the hood of the engine.
"What? You don't think I know what I'm doing because I'm a woman?" she asked him. Despite her dress, she climbed up on the passenger side tire to look at the AC unit of the semi. While she did this, Grant finished backing his trailer into the drive. "Gav, I was working on semis with your father before you three were ever born." He drew his brows together as he watched her service the unit. He was impressed that she finished so quickly.
"Help me down," she told him, unsure of the drop behind her back to the pavement. He put his hands on her hips and put her back on the ground. She proceeded to wipe her hands on her dress.
Gavin sighed, "I'm sorry for being such an ass back in the day,"
She folded her arms across her chest. "Gav, you were a teenage boy. All three of you gave me a hard time in your own way; you just never paid attention to what your brothers were doing."
"Really?"
"Yeah, you just so happened to be the most vocal and straightforward. Graham would give me the silent treatment for days. And Grant would act out indirectly by getting bad grades or pissing in my flower bed," she shrugged. "Speaking of your brother, I'm going to go inspect the trailers and see what he's up to now if you want to finish up here," she said walking around the side of the shop in her flats.
Gavin stood for a moment longer enjoying a moment of relaxation while he mulled over all his new discoveries about his mother that had previously been unknown.
"Leah! Why didn't you tell me?" Grant's voice shouted from around the corner. It was followed by the slam of a semi door.
Leah tried to hold onto his balled fist as he stormed into the shop. "We knew you'd be upset, but this is what your father willed and we must respect that."
"You are not signing my fucking checks!" he yelled at Gavin. His chest heaved as he fumed anger. The two were instantly in each other's face. "You did nothing to earn this, you piece of shit!" Grant shoved his palm against Gavin's chest. "You're the reason dad had heart complications in the first place!"
Gavin's stare became icy. His fist clinched at his side, yet he refrained. "Don't be like that. We can work something out for ma's sake," he tried to reason with him.
"You never gave a shit about mom either!" Still blind with anger Grant took a swing at him. Gavin grabbed his wrist in his left hand and shoved his right forearm into his throat. He proceeded to push Grant backward until the back of his head and shoulder blades slammed against the wall. Still, he continued, "This place is going to shit now with dad gone and you know it!"
"You're wrong!" Gavin yelled. Suddenly he let go of Grant and punched him in the mouth. It happened so quickly, yet as if watching in slow motion, Leah saw the aftermath. Gavin cupped his right hand in pain while Grant fell on his hands and knees. A small puddle of blood began to form beneath Grant as it dripped steadily from his mouth.
Later that evening Gavin returned home. Bailey had been in the middle of a light nap on the couch when he came in. She rose from her place and followed him to the kitchen where he proceeded to light a cigarette on the stove. He brought it to his mouth and took two long drags. With his right side facing her, she quickly caught a glance of his swollen hand as it hung flaccid.
"That's broken," she told him without a doubt in her mind. "You need to go to the hospital." She then proceeded to wet a cold rag with cold water and used it to wrap up ice. While she did so, he exhaled a cloud of smoke and began to examine the damage more closely. It was very painful to even wiggle his fingers.
"I guess we'll find out in a couple of days," he said.
"No, not a couple of days. Let me drive you to the hospital now," she insisted, plucking the cigarette from his mouth and handing him the iced rag. He took it up in the palm of his left hand and watched her put the cigarette out by running faucet water over it. She then threw it in the trash.
"Do you want to take my car or your truck?" she asked.
"Bay, seriously, I'm sure its fine. All they're going to do is give me medication that I don't need and send me right back home," he explained.
After a moment of deliberation she responded, "If it doesn't get better in the next few days, will you go?"
"I promise," he told her.
She appeared slightly relieved and then went on to ask, "How were you able to drive home anyway with your hand like that?"
He shrugged and went to his room. Feeling a sudden startling distance between them, she followed him up the stairs. He laid down on the bed and put a pillow over his head. "Are you going to be alright?" she asked, sitting down beside him and moving the pillow aside. He drew his head into her lap and put his left hand on her hip.
"I'm going to be fine, but I know that Grant isn't. Mike left the company to me and Grant is devastated. I may have broken his jaw, but at least that can be fixed. I told him we could work something out, but he was too angry to listen. To be honest, I would've been the same if I were in his shoes," he told her. "In my opinion, Leah waited too long to tell him and there was no way I was going to break the news to him."
She placed her hand against his shoulder. "The poor guy, how do you know his jaw is broken?"
"Leah texted me from the emergency room. I felt terrible after I did it, but he was saying some pretty terrible things and I just lost it."
Bailey continued to rub his shoulder. "Whatever was said, you know it was out of anger."
"Which is why I shouldn't have reacted the way I did." Gavin said through gritted teeth.
"What can we do to fix this then?" she asked.
"I guess for starters I'm going to pay his hospital bill. Once he cools off, I think I'll try apologizing. Whatever he chooses to do afterwards is completely up to him, but I don't want him to leave the company. If he leaves, I'll just have to hire another driver, but I don't want to think about that right now. I need to focus on keeping the family together," he told her definitively.
She smiled by curling her lips at the edges. It was wonderful to see him finally at peace with himself. He then sat up carefully, using his elbow. She helped him by giving him a gentle nudge.
He got to his feet and then proceeded to pull his shirt carefully over his head, careful of his hand. "I'm going to take a quick shower," he informed her. He went into the bathroom to start his water and closed the door behind him. She moved to the edge of the bed and sat for a moment. Just as she went to get up, he showed himself again. "I can't get it," he told her trying to unbutton his pants with his left hand. "Would you mind?" he asked with a reddened face.
She laughed lightly and tugged him close to her by the front pockets of his jeans. Keeping her eyes on his, she went on to unbutton his pants. "There," she said, slowly unzipping his fly. Within moments a light patter sounded against Gavin's bedroom door; Faith requesting an adult assistance in moving a heavy box of toys out of her closet; A call to which Bailey answered.
In the following weeks business picked up and Gavin found himself busier than ever as he tried to fill the vacancy his brother left. Leah had offered to get behind the wheel of Mike's semi to help out, but he refused to make her work again. He found himself awake, even before the sun rose, even on the weekends. In addition, he worked very late. The routes became inconsistent along with his sleep schedule.
It became quite noticeable when Bailey arrived at Gavin's to pick Faith up for the weekend. She found him packing in the afternoon on a Friday.
"What are you doing?" she asked looking over at the clock on the wall and the bags by the door.
"I'm going on an out of state route," he told her. "I'll be back Tuesday, so you'll have to drop Faith off at Leah's before you head back to Indiana."
"Don't you think you're rushing a bit?" she asked with red flags signaling in her mind, filling her with panic. "You look exhausted."
"Christ, are you my mother? I just woke up. I slept just fine," he fired back. She grabbed him by his arm to give him a cold stare. "I'll be back in four days," he told her, brushing her off. In a vain attempt to reconnect, she pressed her lips against his only to feel his cold indifference.
"Promise you'll call me when you get stopped for the night," she asked.
His lips moved, but all that came out was meaningless noise. "Alright."
That day, Gavin delivered to three stops in Kentucky hauling widows in his van trailer. At a few of the stops he had to unload the windows by himself by hand without a dolly. It proved to be both painful and difficult in a cast. He didn't mind the work though. It kept his thoughts quiet until night came.
Sitting on the shoulder an exit ramp, he finished with his log book and set it aside. He wasn't in the mood to search for a parking spot in a crammed truck stop at this hour. He then shut the dome light off. He leaned against his wheel as if giving it a hug. He tapped his fingers against the dash nervously, biting his lip. Instead of feeling sleepy, he felt anxious. Every time he glanced back at his bed the less appealing it became.
Carefully, he removed himself from his semi and walked to the side of his trailer to urinate. Once he finished, he remained stationary, looking at the nearby city lights reflect off the clouds over head. The sound of his air valve filled his ears and it made him think of the sound a fresh can of beer made when it opened, k'shhh. He pressed his hands against his hips and retreated to his semi thirstier than ever.
He laid down in his bunk bed once more and tossed and turned for about ten minutes. Soon after he heard a gruff voice come over the CB. "Paradiso, what's good?"
He moved back into the driver's seat and took the mic in his hand as he watched another semi pass slowly. "Pete, is that you?" he asked.
"You know it! Haven't seen you down these roads in a while," the voice commented. "Are you sleeping or did you break down?"
Gavin scratched the back of his head as a grand debate transpired in his mind. "I broke down," he said impulsively, but then quickly followed with, "but don't let it stop you." He watched the semi ahead of him put on the breaks and then back his trailer parallel to his. The end of Pete's trailer was about a foot away from Gavin's front bumper.
Gavin then got out and met him on the side of his semi away from the road. "What's good man?" he asked with a smile. Pete was a slightly overweight man, tall and eccentric. He had brown messy hair and really bad teeth.
"Nothing much, what about you?" Gavin replied.
"Same shit, different day. Hey, sorry to hear about your pops," he said on a down note. "Is that why I haven't seen you in such a long time?"
"Well, that and I went to rehab," he told Pete honestly with the shrug of his shoulders.
"Oh shit Gavin! What happened?"
"I kicked back a little too much one night and gave the family a good scare."
Pete shook his head at him. "You'd think you'd know what you can handle by now."
"I know it," Gavin frowned.
"Well, shit man, how is being sober?" Pete asked. "Is it really as great as everyone says it is?"
"Sometimes," he shrugged.
Pete raised his left brow. "So why the Hell did you tell me you were broke down then?"
"Because I am," Gavin told him.
"I see," Pete smirked. "You want to celebrate one last time with your old pal?"
"Yeah, it wouldn't be right if I just up and left you hanging like that," Gavin told him.
The two men took a seat in the grass. The sounds of their semi engines thundering into the night as they passed a glass pipe between the two of them. They watched cars pass by with little worry. The exit ramp was not a very busy one at all. "That's some good shit," Gavin told him between coughs.
"It's my best shit and you deserve it," Pete told him.
"I tell you Pete, being sober sucks. I fucking watched the news yesterday and was like, this shit's too real," Gavin shook his head.
"I hate watching the news. It's all a bunch of depressing shit. They ain't ever got nothing good to say. It makes me feel a whole lot better about myself though, that's for sure," he said taking another hit from the pipe.
"Right," Gavin agreed with him. "There's a lot worse shit we could be doing than this." Pete passed it back.
Gavin proceeded to light the bowl with the lighter once more. He took a large inhale and held it in for as long as possible. The feeling of sheer ecstasy flooded over him and he began to cough wildly afterwards with a smile on his face. "That's… fucking… great!"
"Too bad this is your last time," Pete frowned. "That must be some woman. She must be great in bed."
Gavin looked out towards the city with his bloodshot eyes. "To be honest Pete, I've spent five years chasing her and we haven't done a damn thing yet."
"What!" he exclaimed. "You better tell her to come up off it, before you put this shit down."
"Yeah," he said on the edge of consciousness. He then reached in his pocket and pulled out his wallet. "Hey Pete. I really appreciated this. You've always been the man to go to when I break down and need some good shit."
"No problem, Gavin," Pete smiled. "Let me know if you ever need a fix again,"
"Sure thing. You're the only mechanic I go to," he told him handing him three large bills.
Once Gavin was back in his semi, he went to his bunk and laid down. The world was spinning and that's the way he enjoyed it. Suddenly, he began to hear a faint ringing. His reaction was slow as he reached for his phone beside his bunk.
"Gavin?" Bailey asked, "you told me you'd call when you got stopped for the night. Are you still on the road?"
"I'm… I'm good," he told her slowly with his eyes half open.
Bailey sounded confused, "Are you still driving?" "No... Are you?" he replied.
"It's three in the morning. Why would I be? You're…driving… me… fucking crazy…" he mumbled on the edge of consciousness. He had released is phone so that it laid beside him on the pillow. His arms were flaccid at his sides, sprawled out before him.
"I'm hanging up the phone, Gavin," she finally told him after a moment of silence. "I can not believe you right now…" she emphasized the word not.
"Wait," he told her in a clear voice. "Wait. You still there?"
"Yeah, unfortunately," she responded coldly.
"How… How do I know this is you?" he asked.
She drew her hand to her forehead and shook her head with a smirk. Within that same amused expression, her lips began to quiver and curl downward. "You don't, Gavin! You don't!"
The following day, Bailey woke up bright and early with her eyes still burning. Once she had dressed, she began to take immediate action. She woke Faith up and dropped her off and her uncle Graham's to attend Sunday church with him and spend the night. She then drove to Leah's. The woman was just leaving for church when Bailey stopped her.
"Leah, I need your help."
The woman straightened up at the door. "What's wrong dear?" she asked. She wore a navy-blue dress that came to her knees with gold hoop earrings. Her pepper black hair was pulled into a bun.
"It's Gavin," Bailey responded curtly. Her face appeared tired and her eyes were red and puffy.
Leah folded her arms across her chest in disbelief. "Don't cry honey."
"Oh, I'm done crying. I'm just so angry," her petite frame shook.
"Well, come inside. We'll get to the bottom of this," Leah invited her in with a brief hug.
Together, they moved to Mike's desk where Leah showed Bailey the route Gavin was on. "He should be about here," she pointed on the map. "I'm going to call him and see where he's at. Depending on his location, I say we go and intercept him here, take his semi and drag his sorry ass back home."
"How will we take his semi?"
"I know how to drive it and I have the spare key, unless you don't feel safe. You and I both know he has a temper and he isn't going to be happy about this one bit."
"If he acts out, I'll just leave him there," she said in a quiet monotone.
"I'll take your word for it dear," Leah responded, raising her cell phone to her ear.
"Hey mister, where are you at?" she asked once Gavin answered.
"I'm about sixty miles from my second stop for today. Running a little late due to traffic," Gavin told her. "Why?"
Leah grabbed the maps off the desk and the keys to her suburban. She rushed Bailey out the door and they two piled in.
"I just needed to know, because," she paused, looking for a good excuse, "Later this evening, I was going to have you pick up another load if you had time."
"Really?" he sounded confused. "From where?"
Leah thought quick on her feet as she started up her vehicle, "The Glass Company. They just called a few minutes ago,"
"That's odd," Gavin interjected. "Why did they call you instead of me?"
"Beats the Hell out of me," she told him. "Maybe they got our numbers confused or something on the paperwork? Anyway, drive safe!" she told him.
With time to spare, Bailey and Leah parked down the road at a used car lot. They waited fifteen minutes before they watched his semi drive by. He had been too concerned with making the turn at the intersection to even look twice at the car lot. "Alright Bailey," Leah told her. "He's going to park his semi right there at the gate. Once he's out, we'll drive up there."
With the window down, Leah listened patiently for the sound of the air brakes. Once they popped, they watched him get out of his semi and head for the building. Leah stepped on the gas and then threw the vehicle in park shortly after. Bailey came to stand just before the bumper. With great admiration, Bailey watched as Leah drove off with the rig. She was amazed that a lady of petit, feminine stature could command such a large machine. From the sound of it and looks of it, she knew exactly what she was doing.
When the semi became a faint speck down the road, her heart jumped into her throat when she heard Gavin come out of the building. From a distance she could see his jaw drop and his footsteps storm in her direction. "You're done," she told him.
"Are you fucking serious?" he shouted at her.
"If you cuss at me, I'll leave you here," she told him sternly.
"I don't give a shit! I don't fucking need you! Leave!" he threw his hands up in the air.