My mind buzzed, burning with a numbing sensation. Was I drunk? Did father slip in more liquor than he should've? No, he wasn't with me on the train… He wasn't with me when I arrived.
Snapping my eyes open, my body shook without moving, frozen in place despite me telling it to do something. Please, just an inch. Just get me the fuck away from that thing!
I tried to scream, but found my mouth sealed shut, my every attempt at peeling it back resulting in excruciating pain. Gritting my teeth, I squirmed in place as I tried to rid my binds, anything to escape what was coming next.
"Shhh, you're going to wake the rest of them up if you keep being loud like that." A voice, just on the edge of giggling whispered into my ear, the beat of my heart rising. My breath hastened, blood rushing through my veins. My arms and legs moving on their own, anything to escape.
"Shi! Shi! Shi Shi!" The maniac clown giggled, a hand grasping at the back of my head, gently caressing my nape as a person would their loved one. "Shi~, it never stops being funny, you know? Watching people fight a futile effort… it fills me with this giddy feeling!"
In an instant, my face met with the concrete floor, a wetness staining my cheeks as I could do nothing but follow the whims of the madman. "Aren't you going to struggle? Fight the good fight? Or have you simply found it impossible? The future nothing more than a pipe dream!"
Pulling me by the cheeks, my face drooped as I met eye-to-eye with the monster who took me from the train. It was a clown wearing a black and white jumper along matching shoes and clown make up, as though he'd just come out of a kid's party. Fuck, knowing him, they'd probably all be dead.
"Aww~, did I break you?" I could do nothing else but moan weakly. My lungs felt heavy, throat burning with even a drop of water. I needed help. "Woah! Would you look at that, boys and girls, we've got a fighter on our hands! Let's see how long that lasts." His voice turned grim as a pit grew in my heart.
The world became a blur as lights shone from above. Had I been more religious, I would've thought All-mer had come to take me away from this hellhole. Unfortunately, that wouldn't be the case, not by a long shot.
All of my muscles tensed at once, unable to do anything else as I sat motionless in the bunker, each of my inhales digging deep to find the strength within me to tear my bind-
My thoughts were suddenly cut off as a crack tore through the air. Without warning, agony shot through my body like fire into my veins. "Whoppa! Look at this champ go! Already one arm down and ready to drop another!"
The whip cracked once more, slicing through my flesh with a knife's precision as it wrapped around my arm, crushing through bone, and mangling it to the point it was unusable. Tears leapt from my eye as a shaky giggle bubbled through my sown jaw, the madness finally having caught up with me.
Pain in pleasure, there was nothing else to do. My throat was tired of crying, my body was tired from struggling…. I just wanted to give up. But deep down, I knew there was no other escape, other than in death.
"All four down…. Say, I'm quite surprised you lasted this long…. How about one more?"
Like a shot of cocaine, I felt everything return to color, the world passing by in a flash as my head nodded rapidly, begging the man to just end me already!
"Wouldn't you enjoy that, huh? Guess~ So!" He finished in a sing-song tone that irked me the wrong way. A chill ran down my spine at his words, the light in my eyes dimming as he walked away, step… by…. Grating…. Step.! In the end, there was nothing I could do.
I had no legs to walk. No arms to crawl. What else could I have done to fix… all of this?
Gradually, my blood ran cold, as if touched by an eternal winter, freezing in my veins as the world stilled. The faintest glimmer of hope. For a moment, I saw it. I saw my friends, my family, anything that wasn't in this nightmare. I wanted to wake up. This was all a dream, wasn't it? So why couldn't I wake up!?
My thoughts began to slow, as I felt myself fade to dust, each fiber of my being slowly slipping from me. "Help!" I cried, turning back to the life I'd once seen. Receiving nothing in return. Not a single peek.
"He..lp…."
{-}
"Help!" I shouted, my throat finally working again, along with each of my limbs. A lump formed in my throat as I found it hard to swallow, my breathing ragged after the events of the previous loop.
I was back. Back on the train, to where it all began. My arms wrapped around each other, rubbing at the phantom sensations that still plagued me. Needles, he'd come again, just like every other time. First it was at the tunnel, then the city, and finally, the train… Shit.
Once more, I leaned back against the seat, taking comfort in the faux leather cushions as the events of yore continued to wash over me.
Three days, it had been. Three relatively peaceful days, that was the longest I had gone without dying. Swallowing yet another lump, I clutched my arms tighter. Nowhere was safe. High or low, in the sewers, and in the most random of buildings, there was always something watching, lurking in the shadows waiting for an easy meal to arrive.
But why did it always have to be me? Why couldn't it have been anyone else? Why couldn't I have just not been on this train?
Unknown to me, my vision turned blurry as pit in my heart grew deeper, a weak smile contorting my face despite the tears streaming down my cheeks.
My shoulders sagged, falling back into the seat as I looked towards the fog-covered forest outside. Loop number four was a failure, just like the rest of them. I had really ought to learn how to fight, lest history repeated itself like a broken record.
But, what use would it do? Prolong my life for just another minute? A second?
"Did I really have a chance against that damn fucking clown!?" I pleaded to those who could hear, a cry of desperation when all hope seemed lost.
Bashing my fist into the chair, it sprung back up without a fight, bouncing two more times before it ultimately sunk into the confines of the chair. Did I really have what it took to kill something like that?