The rain-slick shop window reflected a man in a dark trenchcoat, hands in his pockets as he looked inside with grim acceptance.

He shouldn't even be surprised, at this point.

In the shop window, were two chairs on display.

One, the normal chair, crafted out of fabric and wood, for Ⱡ20.

The other, a leather Gaming chair, on sale for Ⱡ399.99.

The one, measly penny short of charging four hundred lien for a simple chair for Gamers mocked him.

A flash of thunder and lightning lit Jaune's face showing his crooked grin; he was beyond the point of anger now, all he could do was laugh at the injustice.

He turned, to look right at you (yes, You), and gestured widely with his gloved hands, asking aloud, "Do you see? Go ahead. Try still telling me Gamers aren't oppressed."

He walked off, under the rumbling crack of thunder, out onto a lonely road.

The only one that Jaune had ever known. He didn't know where it goes, but it's home to him, and he walks alone.

~/{}/~

A lone finger slowly approached the blade of grass.

Slowly, without stopping, constantly, it drew nearer and nearer, even as his mentor's words, the Manager of GREGGS, echoed in his fractured mind.

"The Final Grassuga Toucho, is to become a member of Society Itself."

"If you accomplish this feat, you will lose all of your gaming prowess."

"That is what is meant, by Final, eheheheheh."

Jaune Arc's index finger brushed against the soft grass by the side of the Valean street.

He stood to his full height, his face one of absolute resolve. He held his grass-touching hand in front of his face, before balling it into a fist.

Peter Griffin... Mr Manager, Master... I did it...

"Ruby."

"Yes Jaune?"

"It's time."

"Oh, great!" she jumped up and down on the spot, clapping her hands together flutteringly. "But er... we've gotta leave our roles, right? I've got my papers, do you? Let me go hand in my resignation letter first!"

"It's time... after this shift, in four to five hours." he twisted in place, to spy Beacon Academy's towering spires in the distance.

His azure eyes narrowed. "Let's go AFK."

"Holy—"

"Oh Gods, my eyes—"

"I– I think I'm gonna—" the girl threw up, a odious cascade of vomit spewing in the wake of Jaune and Ruby's steps as they walked back into the castle grounds.

Ruby looked back over her shoulder, catching sight of someone passing out after a single glance at the duo's outfits.

"Uh, Jaune?" she frowned, belying her wide fake smile.

The wild cherry-red lipstick grin contrasted against her pure white face-powder. It matched his own clown makeup, because that's what they were.

Jokers. The wildcards in this sick Society.

"Yes, Ruby?" he didn't look back, his eyes concealed by white shutter-shaded sunglasses. The horizontal lines over the lenses obscured his expression.

"Do you think the clothes are a bit.. much?"

Jaune turned to face her, eyeing the bold white words on her wine-red hoodie.

EAT. SLEEP. FORTNITE. REPEAT.

"I... I think I should be quarantined for wearing this..." she mumbled, pulling at the cheap fabric's hem.

"Nonsense." Jaune waved off, pivoting around and revealing the words emblazoned on his dark trenchcoat's back.

BORN TO PLAY MINECRAFT

FORCED TO GO TO SCHOOL

"It's just, er..." she twiddled her fingers. "It's really cringe ngl, fr fr nocap."

"You say that, yet you insisted on wearing that on your head." Jaune pointed at her Pewdiepie headset. It wasn't actually switched on or anything, but just for show.

"Hey! The red and black match me! Plus, the cat ears are cute!" she crossed her arms. "Way better than your tryhard hat, for sure!"

"Tryhard?" Jaune unconsciously touched his fedora. He snapped back, "The constant pressure will put a dent in your skull. Trust me, look up Tyler1."

Before Ruby could ask who the heck that was, however, a blonde witch coasted over the battlements, flying in on a purple glowing broomstick.

"You!"

"Holy crap!" Ruby screamed. "They fly now!? Nobody told me her surname was literal!"

"Miss Goodwitch?" Jaune asked evenly, pulling the brim of his black fedora lower, over his gaze. "...Or should I say... Badwitch?"

The character who reacts less outwardly is always cooler, after all. "I'm back, and I have something to give you."

He reached out a fist, and unclenched it, letting a handful of grass fall to the flagstones.

"I see... you have touched grass after all, Arc." she assessed, adjusting her ovular glasses.

"So I can re-enrol?" he asked, expectantly.

"I'll let you re-enrol... if you give me a lock of your hair, and help me move a vanful of gingerbread!" Goodwitch cackled.

"A vanful of gingerbread?"

"I've been meaning to remodel my kitchen." she clarified.

"Huh, that doesn't sound too bad..." Ruby remarked, turning to her partner. "...right, Jaune? ...Jaune?"

"Ew." Jaune stuck his tongue out. "A woman, touching my fair, golden locks? Heresy. I'm sickened by the very thought."

"So, Big Guy... you have chosen death..." Miss Goodwitch muttered darkly.

"What, no! What the hell! This just came out of nowhere!" Ruby pleaded frantically.

"Yes... For You." Pulling down his shuttered shades, revealed Jaune's twin pair of revolving sharingan. With the speed granted by his black Air Force Ones, he moved.

Then he *teleported behind her*, and re-sheathed his katana. Goodwitch collapsed; she hadn't even witnessed him draw it. A white blade of darklight, the legendary [insert videogame item the author chose to copy/crossover with here].

"Schum, You are not worthy as my opponent." Jaune tutted, slicking back his hair.

"Wait... what? Just like that?" Ruby was gobsmacked. "Where the heck did you get the Yamato from?"

"It was revealed to me in a dream." Jaune revealed. "A man named Darth Sparda D. Uchiha Prime, Pharaoh of Egypt was my great-great-great-uncle's roommate, long ago in a distant, forgotten era... around 2006."

Ruby blinked. "...What?"

"Seriously."

"That's... kinda cheap." Ruby pointed out.

"Very." Jaune nodded.

"I thought you lost your gaming... powers? ...Stuff?" she waved her hands, "...Whatever this is? Anyway?"

"Since when were you under the impression..." Jaune put his shades back on. "...that the grass I touched, was actually grass?"

"Wait a minute..." Ruby peered closer at the floor. The individual blades seemed to be... shiny? "Is that astroturf?"

"Eugh..." Miss Goodwitch sat up, coughing and choking. "It's over... now that you've defeated me, I surrender myself to you, wholly. I never told you this, but I'm secretly a hardcore shotacon... You're a bit old for me, but I'll make do. All I am now, is Harem Member #2..."

"What member number what?" Ruby screeched.

"No way fag." Jaune denied. "I'm about to epicly burn you so hard you'd wish you were on a stake instead, witch-bitch."

Then he hit a dab.

"AIIIIEEEEEEE!"

Goodwitch screamed and exploded on the spot. But in an ambiguous, smoky way, such that if this were a crafted narrative, the writer could maybe bring her back later in a '''''plot twist'''''.

"Holy crap..." Ruby muttered. "...I've heard of rug burns... but this is something else..."

Suddenly, the clock tower of Beacon exploded. It looked like a giant Wyvern was attacking it. Wild.

"Whoa... that's crazy. Mental, even. I feel like we should check that out." Ruby suggested.

Helping Beacon out, after they Trapped and Betrayed him? Leaving him to fester for an entire weekend, working at GREGGS? After all that? No way.

But then a gust of wind jingled the black earring, inset with four topaz squares shaped like the four quarters of the GREGGS logo, just under his right lobe.

They both got one earring each, because it was cool, rebellious and a reminder of their mysterious Dark Past™. Ruby and Jaune had only cried together after their piercings were done for half an hour, at most. That's how hardcore they are now.

His manager, his master, Peter Griffin... what would he want Jaune to do at this moment in time? Yeah, it was pretty clear now.

"No." Jaune denied.

"What if we saved them, but in a cool and edgy way that made them feel guilty for abandoning you? Who knows, maybe they'll all spontaneously develop romantic feelings for you over the course of that single scene, as well?"

"Yes." Jaune agreed.

And that was that.

Author notes:

Whatever you do, DO NOT look up "evil witch quotes". Worst mistake of my... afternoon? The sheer cringe factor almost consumed my very soul. I just wanted to find stuff to parody with Goodwitch... I swear, it's like Joker, but for women, or something. If you notice something that reminds you of another "Betrayed" fic, then it's probably on purpose.

Also, Jaune was indeed trained by Peter Griffin. And yes, SCHUM is misspelled on purpose. One guy suggested Goodwitch and another few brought up the dreaded... Jaune Arc harem fics (*toilet flush noise*), so I added them here. The harem stuff should probably become a running gag, honestly. *poke*-*poke* Tell me more meme stuff to add. Anyone else got any ideas?