All-human, modern setting AU. Happy reading!
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel the Series or the characters, nor make any money from this.
Buffy flicked through the papers she was holding and briefly scanned the key lime pie recipe she hastily scribbled down last night. More lime zest could improve the flavour. She wasn't particularly ecstatic about the pie crust either - the latest batch came out a little too dry for her liking. But she could use a second opinion on the recipe. Maybe that could offer some new perspective.
She reached the doorway of her shared office space when she caught the tail end of Cordelia's interrogatory question. "...enjoy the date at all? Please don't tell me you laid on the Mr. Broody charm too thick."
Buffy wanted to silently shuffle back out of this impending conversation but Cordelia glanced at her briefly and so she couldn't leave. That would look suspicious and imply - well, imply something that wasn't true. At all. Buffy bit back an exasperated sigh and walked into the room where she sat down at her desk. Angel was seated at the desk opposite hers, looking harried and impatient, as Cordelia eyed him critically.
"She was very nice, Cordy," Angel said in a placatory tone, attempting to look as earnest as possible.
"But did she spark a second date sort of intrigue?" she pressed sharply, "Was she girlfriend material?"
"She was nice," he repeated diplomatically, "I'm just not in dating mode right now."
"Boring! And not true. You just need to meet the right person - right, Buffy?"
"Huh?" Buffy looked up from where she was trying so very hard to ignore their conversation, "Um…sure, but if Angel's not ready to date, I don't see the big deal."
"You two," Cordelia huffed, "two very boring peas in a pod. Seriously. Anyways," she brought her attention back to Angel, "it's okay that it didn't work out - Harmony always gets back on her feet. I've already decided on your next date - Rebecca Lowell, she's a client of mine and I guarantee she's a huge catch, Angel."
"Cordy-"
"Don't worry a hair on your gelled head, I'll set everything up," she assured him breezily and strode out of the room, a hint of Marc Jacobs perfume left in the air. "I'll text you!"
Angel groaned and pitched his head into his hands. "When will this end?"
Buffy bit back a smile and leaned back in her chair. "You know Cordy. Just gotta let her ride out this obsession until she moves on to some other obscure challenge."
"Challenge?" Angel raised a brow at the word and this time she smiled.
"You've gone on four blind dates already. That doesn't make it a challenge?" Buffy shuffled through her papers and put them back in order, "Anyways, I've been working on the key lime pie but I don't think it's ready yet. Maybe we just go back to one of our usual specials?"
"We could do the raspberry tarts again. We have a delivery coming in tomorrow with all the ingredients needed."
"Alright. I'll let Fred and Gwen know."
"Let me know what? That Angel had another fantastic date with a Cordette?" Gwen exclaimed from the doorway with a snicker before she walked off. A suspiciously Gunn-like snort came from somewhere down the hall, followed by Gwen's delighted cackles.
"Very funny!" Angel called with a wry smile and Buffy tried to look amused as well.
It wasn't that she hated the idea of Angel dating someone - no, that wasn't it, it really wasn't. She'd liked Nina just fine. He told her about a couple first date horror stories and she laughed until tears poured down her face. But all of a sudden, Cordelia had taken it upon herself to find Angel a girlfriend and the whole bakery caught onto the idea quickly. Cordelia would whip up dates out of nowhere, ready to interrogate Angel the day after and all their coworkers eager to soak up every detail. Buffy wanted to drown them out every time. It was just - it was a constant topic here. They were a business. Who cared about who went out and did whatever last Tuesday?
But Buffy had to grit her teeth and laugh it off like everyone else did. She was Angel's business partner and - okay, they dated in college. For a few months. They happened a million years ago, but everyone knew their history and one tiny rumour about the two of them could set the whole place on fire. The last thing she needed was everyone thinking she had an issue with Angel going on blind dates.
They had a good rhythm going. Their business was reaching new profits every month, their staff gelled wonderfully, they've even briefly discussed opening up a second location next year. The last thing Buffy wanted was to mess all that up.
Buffy opened her apartment door and Angel held up the large takeout bag with a smile.
"Is that what I think it is?" she asked excitedly as she let him inside.
"Spring rolls, fried rice with sweet n' sour pork," he replied as he set it down on her coffee table and she grabbed plates from her kitchen.
"You're a godsend. My own personal Uber delivery service."
She joined him on the couch and they settled down comfortably together as they unpacked the food. Buffy took a bite out of a flaky spring roll and hummed in contentment as she sank further into the soft cushions.
"Gunn asked me today if he had to fill out some sort of paper for him and Gwen," Angel said after a few minutes of companionable silence spent eating dinner, "Like an HR disclosure form."
Buffy laughed. "Two months after they announced they were dating? Seems a bit late for that, but I guess that means it's not just a casual thing."
"Kay's dating someone," he informed her darkly about his little sister, "A lacrosse player. Who still plays lacrosse?"
"I'm sure he's a very sweet boyfriend," Angel grunted at that and Buffy gave him a droll look, "And if he's not, I'll help you hunt him down and stake him for breaking Kay's heart. But for everyone's sake, let's hope it doesn't come to that. Has she heard from Wake Forest yet?"
"Not yet, but she thinks it'll be any day now. Unless she blocks me first."
"Let me guess - you've turned her phone into a nonstop buzz-fest?"
"I just want to make sure I don't miss any news," Angel mumbled somewhat sheepishly.
Buffy chuckled. "I don't think you need to worry about that. Like Kay's gonna let you miss a single thing."
"What about Dawn? Is the new job treating her any better?"
"I think so - I don't know. I call and text, but I'm worried she's trying to put on a brave face. I wish she was still nearby. Then I could surprise her with a visit and get her to open up with some banana pudding cheesecake. That always works like magic."
"I still can't believe she polished off that whole cheesecake last Thanksgiving," Angel lamented with a shake of his head, "All it took was six minutes."
"Six minutes," Buffy laughed at the memory of Dawn's guilty face and her fork poised over the empty dish, "How she didn't puke, I'll never know."
Angel slung an arm around Buffy and she couldn't help but lean into his side, just like she did every night. This was familiar and good. One of those moments where the world briefly stopped spinning and everything slowed down.
"Look, Dawn knows you're there for her and that's not gonna change. Don't stop what you're doing. You're trying and that's what matters."
Buffy let the warm comfort of Angel's words soak in for a moment before she grabbed the remote and flicked the TV on. "So, should we continue watching Seinfeld or West Wing?"
Buffy always secretly thought Angel was her first love.
She dated boys before him - a few dates here and there, then Oliver Pike had been a good high school boyfriend, she cared for him but it was a relationship stamped with an expiry date. They weren't cut out for anything beyond Sunnydale High and dates at the Bronze. Angel was the first man she loved.
Strange, then, that their breakup had never been nasty or especially bitter. At least compared to the dozens of other stories she's heard from friends, lamenting over the "first love" who they never quite patched things up with.
Buffy was set to graduate when she received an offer to attend one of Italy's best culinary schools. She applied on a whim to one of their graduate programs, eager to attend but unsure she'd make it - and yet she did. But it was two years spent in another continent. Angel was older than her, but he had just started out at culinary school. They lived in New York, and while Buffy loved the city, California was home, it was where her family and closest friends were. A future together, a life shared became more distant by the day as they tried to find ways to make their relationship work.
They broke up a week before she left, at 23rd Street Station, a rotting and dank smell in the air as they exchanged tentatively heartbroken words. Buffy still remembered getting off at the next stop and walking from there, despite being nowhere close to her place. She didn't cry until she was in the safety of her own apartment.
There wasn't anything different to say - and she knew it was the right thing to do.
It didn't change the fact that she spent the summer nursing puffy eyes and eating copious amounts of cookie-dough-fudge-mint-chip ice cream. But Italy gradually healed her wounds and eventually days went by where she wouldn't think of him.
When Buffy's mother passed from an aneurysm, Angel came back into her life as a friend and steady support system.
The bakery came two years later.
Buffy snuggled further into the couch and waited patiently for her laptop screen to load properly. The sage afghan blanket was comfortably toasty and there was a bag of chips strategically placed within arm's length; the Skype call finally came to life, Xander and Willow's smiling faces peering back at her.
"Perfect, it worked!" Willow grinned, her face slightly sunburnt from the Texas sun; she moved to Austin about a year ago as part of a chance to lead her own research project for work. Even though Xander still lived nearby, they had a firm weekly Skype date with three key rules: no partners, no disruptions, no cancelling. "Continuing your tour of Angel's couch, Buffy?"
Xander chuckled and Buffy rolled her eyes amusedly. "We're finalizing the summer menu and got caught up trying to manage inventory. He's out running errands." Angel knew all about the Skype dates and so if Buffy was over at his during that time, he always found some way to make himself scarce out of respect for their tradition.
"Cordy told me all about her campaign to get Angel a girlfriend," Xander said, "apparently it's a lot harder than it looks."
"Cordy, huh?" Buffy pointed out cheekily, "You guys must be talking pretty often, huh?"
Willow grinned conspiratorily as Xander looked sheepish. "We…we're working things out."
They had, without a doubt, one of the strangest relationships Buffy had ever witnessed. When she first introduced the two of them, they hated each other for years, always trading barbs and thinly veiled insults, until Dawn caught them kissing after her birthday party. They started dating soon after, sliding between bickering and kissing that always made Buffy and Willow exchange amused glances; they broke up a year ago for reasons Buffy still didn't understand, but had recently reconnected. Xander tried to explain it to them but seemed just as stumped about the whole thing.
"What about Oz? How's he doing?" Buffy asked and Willow's eyes brightened.
"He's great! He's helping out this really cool indie folk band with their album…I'll send you guys their stuff, you'd like it. I think we might have some time this summer to visit for a bit."
"Do I smell a summer Scooby reunion?" Xander asked teasingly, "Should we try and rouse Giles out of his honeymoon stage with Jenny?"
"I'm not shaking that tree," Willow replied, "Grumpy Giles isn't fun to deal with."
They spent the next hour debating the optics of getting Giles to drive down and whether Dawn would be able to get time off work before Willow had to sign off and they said goodbye for the week.
Buffy ended up on an infinite scroll through baking Pinterest before her eyes fluttered shut and the next time she opened them, a thicker blanket was thrown over her and her laptop was on the table beside her. She sat up and blinked a few times as Angel smiled at her from the opposite end of the couch, his hair wet with a small towel around his shoulders.
"Good morning."
"I'm not that sleepy," she groaned and shrugged the blanket off, "and that trick won't work on me again."
"You wanna stay for dinner?"
"No, no, I better go," Buffy got up and began gathering her things around the apartment, "Faith roped me into a new kickboxing class for tonight and you know her, cancelling on her is like trying to outrun a hurricane. But I could come over after work tomorrow night."
Angel grimaced softly. "I'm supposed to go on another date tomorrow night - I don't want you to wait for me."
"Oh. Okay," Buffy nodded, a lump lodged in her throat, "Good. Good. Well, I better go. I'll see you tomorrow morning."
"Of course. Get home safe, Buffy."
"Good night," she replied and shut the door as she left, trying to shake the tight feeling rising in her chest.
Buffy held the piping bag carefully as she slowly squeezed out white buttercream frosting into a lattice pattern across the round almond cake. The bustle of the early morning was nothing but white noise and everything around her felt reduced to her hands and the cake before her. The precision and finesse it required of her drowned everything else out - every thought, worry, fear magically disappeared. That was why she wanted to bake - to get lost in the taste, smell, texture, it was her own form of peace and comfort.
"Buffy?" she looked up from her work to where Kendra was standing, "A customer wants to talk to you."
"It's not Snyder, is it?" Buffy murmured under her breath distastefully.
"No, good kind of customer. Just wants to talk for a bit."
"Okay," she set down the piping bag and wiped her hands on her apron, "I'm coming."
It was still pretty early in the morning, so it was relatively quiet and there were mostly seniors sitting around, sipping on coffee and munching on fresh pastries; Buffy looked to the counter and smiled at Robin waiting patiently, paper bag in hand.
"Hey! It's good to see you!" she grinned, pleased by the appearance of Kendra's mystery customer, "You haven't been in here for a while."
"I've been busy with work and my mom came to visit, which is a full-time commitment," he chuckled, "How about you, how's business? How's Dawn?"
"I'm doing good, staying busy, business is booming - we might get to open another location sometime in the near future, we're hoping anyway. And Dawn's good - just dealing with a new job, new city."
"That's great, I'm glad!" he replied earnestly, "And another bakery - if I can get more of your cinnamon butter tarts, count me as your first customer."
Buffy laughed as the door opened and Angel walked in, immediately looking between the two; he nodded in greeting and uttered out a short: "Good morning."
Robin nodded politely in return and Buffy smiled at him; Angel kept walking and disappeared into the back with another furtive glance at them. "Anyways, I better go. I probably have four students already waiting in my office."
"You are a man of endless patience," she said gravely, "drop by anytime, okay? It's always good to see you."
"I will. Have a good day, Buffy."
He left with a wave and Buffy went into the back again when she noticed Vi and Rona peering out right where she was just standing. "Ladies. Please, get back to work."
"Sorry, general, just taking a moment," Rona snickered and Vi let out a snort as they went back to their assigned tasks.
"They can't help it. He's a handsome man," Kendra teased as she went back out to the counter.
"Don't let Faith hear you say that!" Buffy called before she picked up the piping bag again.
She had a very brief relationship with Robin a little over a year ago - four months of dates and it fizzled out pretty quickly once they realized they worked better as friends. Still didn't stop some of her coworkers from ogling him whenever he dropped by.
"Yeesh," Gwen remarked as she walked by and slipped her apron on, "Who pissed off Angel the big fat grump today?"
"This is kidnapping," Buffy amended weakly.
"Hold still."
"No, it's - it's excessive force. This has to be some kind of assault."
"B, if you don't hold still, I'm gonna fuck up your eyeliner," Faith said sharply, "besides, you can take me - I'd win but you'd put up a good fight."
"Hey - I could kick your ass!"
"Sure you could," Faith smirked and capped the eyeliner, taking a step back with a critical eye, "Damn, I'm good. Somebody better be going home with you tonight!"
Buffy turned around and faced the bathroom mirror, examining Faith's handiwork; it was more intense than she would've gone, vivid eyeliner and dark eyeshadow and bold lipstick, but that was Faith's style. And it did work, like always. Just like how she and her pesky girlfriend somehow convinced Buffy to join them at a bar tonight.
"Ken, what are you up to?!" Faith hollered and Kendra appeared a minute later with three shot glasses in hand.
"Pre-game, duh."
Faith immediately softened and pressed a quick peck to her girlfriend's cheek in a disgustingly endearing manner. It was hard not to be happy for the two of them, at first glance so opposite but they seemed to bring out the best in each other.
They all downed their shots and Buffy made a pinched face at the taste of vodka. "God, that burns."
"You baby," Faith said affectionately, "this is why you're coming out with us."
They gathered their things as they waited for their Uber to show up; Faith and Kendra went ahead downstairs while Buffy locked up her apartment and silently prayed she wouldn't be catastrophically hungover tomorrow morning. She didn't have the same college endurance where she could bounce back quickly after one Tylenol and Gatorade finished off, and the potential teasing would be an additional headache.
When she stepped out of the building, she spotted Faith and Kendra - talking to Angel. Angel, whose hair looked nicely gelled, a black blazer hanging off his lean figure. Buffy knew that outfit. She'd been on the receiving end of that outfit a long time ago.
"...the hell was she thinking? Where does she get these ideas?" Faith asked amusedly as Buffy joined them.
Angel's eyes widened slightly at the sight of her, standing up taller; Buffy managed a wry chuckle. "Yeah, I know, intense look going on, all Faith's doing."
"No, you," he cleared his throat, "you look good."
"Angel was telling us about the date he just went on," Faith replied slyly, "Another one of Cordelia's great ideas."
"It was Lilah Morgan," Kendra's voice shook with laughter and she hid her face in Faith's shoulder.
"Lilah?" Buffy questioned disbelievingly, "As in Wesley's Lilah? Lilah, who enjoys representing criminals, had a whole confusing toxic friends-with-benefits thing with Wesley, that Lilah?"
Angel nodded and Faith could barely contain her snort. "God, that's too good…"
Kendra's phone went off and she glanced at the screen. "Uber's here, guys."
Faith sobered up and patted Buffy's shoulder. "Sorry, big guy, gonna have to steal your partner away. Gonna find her a nice cowboy for the night."
Buffy rolled her eyes. "I dated one guy from Iowa-"
"Farm guy, cowboy, what's the difference? Come on, let's bounce."
Buffy looked at Angel. "Sorry, I - I should've texted to let you know I was going out." She didn't know where that came from; it sounded like a ridiculous and flimsy thing to say.
"No, no, I should've called or texted first to see if I could come over."
That sounded even more ridiculous. They never did anything like that - they always knew inevitably that one of them would be over at the other's. Buffy wanted to say something else - something that would break this weird formal conversation and make them sound like them again. Not this strange formality that erupted out of nowhere.
"You don't need to wait for me," she exclaimed as Faith and Kendra got into the Uber, "I'll just see you tomorrow at work."
Angel nodded and somehow that felt worse. "Okay. Have fun tonight."
"B, come on!" Faith said from the car window.
"Bye."
"See you."
Buffy slipped into the car with an awkward wave and tried to get back into the excitement of the night. Her eyes still went to Angel's lone figure on the sidewalk.
"She said that?"
"I know. And the people sitting next to us heard the whole thing."
Gunn laughed. "I thought Wes was exaggerating about her. Guess I owe him an apology."
"Shh," Buffy groaned, "Too loud."
They stopped talking and a few seconds later, Angel and Gunn appeared, peering down at her spot underneath her desk. "New workspace?"
"Too bright."
Gunn grinned. "Faith parties hard."
"You could've taken the morning off," Angel pointed out gently, "I would've covered for you."
"With the inventory count and deliveries that came in earlier? It's too much to handle alone," Buffy replied hoarsely, "Don't worry, I'll survive. But no more going out to bars with Faith. I'm putting my foot down."
"Hey, you should do the same with Cordy," Gunn said to Angel, "These blind dates are getting crazy. Just stand up to her! Put your foot down."
"Easy for you to say," Angel said wryly.
"Just be firm and determined. Don't back down. She always swings by on her lunch break, tell her then. Be honest."
"I'll tell her," Angel nodded determinedly, "No more blind dates."
"Confidence is key."
"That's great," Buffy rasped, the bridge of her nose pulsing uncomfortably, "but could you guys figure out how to stand up to Cordy in another room? Preferably one I'm not in?"
Gunn muffled a snort as Angel smiled amusedly. "I'm gonna track down some water and Tylenol for you."
"Thank you," Buffy said quietly before the two men left the room.
Thankfully, the rest of her shift passed by without any other disturbances and she was able to assemble her things quickly, already wincing at the bright sunlight peeking in from the closed blinds. She made a mental note to stop by Walgreens to pick up some Pedialyte and cookie-dough-fudge-mint-chip ice cream before heading home and slipped on her sunglasses; she waved goodbye to everyone, including a desolate Angel and stubborn-looking Cordelia.
It didn't seem like either of them would be fulfilling their resolutions.
"It's hopeless," Angel sighed as soon as Buffy opened her door, "It's all hopeless."
"Okay," she laughed, "What's tearing you up, du Lac?"
"Somehow, I have more dates planned, courtesy of Cordy."
"So, I guess your talk didn't go so well?"
"If anything, I probably convinced her now more than ever that I need to go on blind dates," Angel grumbled and sat down at her kitchen counter as she took out a pan of grilled mushrooms from the oven. "Socializing is already brutal enough. Dating is another level."
"You mean you don't love pretending to laugh at boring jokes and smiling all the time?" Buffy teased him lightly and began assembling two dinner plates. "And the awkward shuffle of trying to let it end at one date, no I'll-call-you's?"
"Torture. Absolute torture."
"So, you're cursed for singledom forever?"
"Why date? I have family, friends, the bakery, y-you know, things are going good. Why mess it all up? Of course, when I told Cordelia all that, she said I was being a huge moron. Her words."
"Come on, that's the opposite of moronic - change can be a bit overrated anyway. Why disrupt a good flow?"
"Too bad you're the only one who understands that."
"I try," Buffy handed him a plate full of food and sat down beside him with her own meal, "I made grilled mushrooms with goat cheese stuffed chicken and some garlic bread."
"New recipe?"
"Dawn sent it to me, she said she had it at some cafe and I should try making it. Cheers," they tapped their mushrooms together and took a bite. "Needs more garlic."
"Thyme and basil would work - but I like it."
"Try not to gush too much, you big old sap."
"We're late."
"No - we're just behind schedule. Everyone else is coming too early. You don't show up to a party right when it starts."
"You do when it's your kind-of girlfriend," Buffy reprimanded Xander lightly as she smoothed out her baby-blue halter dress and grabbed her homemade salad from the car trunk.
"Hey, nothing's set in stone yet."
"Not tonight, it won't be," Buffy teased as they locked the car and headed towards Cordelia's backyard.
"If I could," Xander held up the lemon cake she'd spent hours preparing, "I would smash this in your face. Fortunately for you, I'm not about to let good food go to waste."
"You're a saint," they shared smiles telling of their long friendship and Xander unlocked the backyard door, letting Buffy step inside first.
The small area seemed to have transformed in a matter of hours; white lights winked from their spot entangled along the fence and trees, lawn chairs of all sizes are both filled and abandoned, the smell of something juicy on the barbecue drifting through the air. People laughed and chatted in small groups, most of them already good friends; some of them spotted her and Xander, waving with big grins and someone was changing the music, going from upbeat pop to nineties indie rock.
"Food first?" Xander asked with a wiggle of his brow.
"Always," Buffy laughed and they headed over to the plastic tables set up. Beer and soda was set up in a cooler tub, along with different dishes laid out for anyone to try; Buffy and Xander set down the food they brought, examining the spread appreciatively. "Ooh, empanadas."
Buffy took a bite before handing it to Xander, who gobbled up the rest. "Tasty."
"That food's reserved for guests who show up on time, not twenty minutes late," Cordelia remarked as she sauntered over, her rich red dress making her skin look extra glowy.
"Hey, we provided too," Xander gestured to the food they set down, "Got you everything you need."
"Is that so?" Cordelia replied slyly and Buffy silently slid away before she could start to feel like a third wheel.
Anne and Beth were laughing amongst themselves, sipping on aeperol spritzes and they turned to Buffy with warm smiles. "Hey!"
"You made it!"
"Hi," Buffy gave them one-armed hugs, "Did the close go okay?"
"Pretty calm," Beth looked at Anne, who nodded, "I guess everyone's getting ready to celebrate, plans with family and friends - but no one has food like we do."
"Did you try the brownies?" Anne asked, "Gunn and Gwen made them. Oh, and this drink. Well, Gwen put it together."
"Didn't realize it was turning into that kind of party," Buffy grinned, "Christmas party repeat?"
"Should we just make Angel everyone's chauffeur home now?"
"He's too busy playing loverboy," Beth chuckled, "maybe this one will actually work out."
Buffy suddenly felt off-kilter. "Loverboy?"
The backdoor slammed open and shut, distant voices talking and laughing; Buffy looked over to see Angel smiling at a blonde woman. She was dressed in a jean skirt and black top, bright blue eyes alight with playfulness and full lips curved upwards. She was beautiful. Something in Buffy shifted and cracked.
"Her name's Kate Lockley," Anne explained quietly, "she's a police detective - I guess her and Angel hit it off. This is their second date."
"I didn't know that," Buffy remarked softly, Beth and Anne exchanging a look she couldn't decipher.
Buffy continued to make the rounds at the party - she got caught up with Wes and Fred, teased Gwen about the neon pink streaks in her hair, tried to joke around with Faith and Kendra but her eyes kept sliding back to Angel and Kate. She always seemed to catch them with their heads bent close, laughing about something she didn't know - she felt like an intruder. It was as if she'd walked into an entirely different life, where she wasn't the one usually right by Angel's side. It felt strange. It felt - it felt wrong.
Buffy was sitting with Kendra, gossiping about a cross-fit instructor at their local gym when Xander and Faith ambled over; the latter sat on Kendra's lap, immediately murmuring something most likely not appropriate for others to hear and Xander sat down beside Buffy, beer in hand.
"You okay?"
"Me?" Buffy looked at him in surprise.
He shrugged. "You just seem a bit - off tonight. More quiet. You seemed more excited before we got here."
"I'm fine. Good. Just…a lot of socializing going on."
"We could leave early," he suggested, "watch a movie and then fall asleep together halfway through like the old people we are. You know, the usual stuff."
"What about Cordy?"
"What about her? She'd deal. Besides, she's having fun playing hostess. I don't mind heading back early for a night with my best pal."
"That's an appealing offer, which I appreciate," Buffy smiled and bumped her shoulder against his, "but I think I'll survive. No need to cut our time short."
That was when she noticed who was coming over, looking directly at them.
"Hi," Kate said, "I'm so sorry, I should've introduced myself earlier - I'm Kate. You must be Buffy, I've heard so much about you."
"It's nice to meet you," Buffy pasted on what she hoped looked like a friendly smile and shook Kate's hand, "Welcome to our ragtag group - I hope we haven't scared you off yet."
"Not at all," she chuckled, "Everyone's been on their best behaviour."
Xander asked Kate a question about their barbecue when Buffy noticed Angel glance their way amidst his conversation with Gunn and Wes. Of course. He was looking at Kate.
"Sorry," Buffy murmured abruptly, getting up from her seat, "I have to use the restroom. Excuse me."
She strode across the grass, sending friendly smiles to those looking her way and she swore she felt someone tracking her movements, but when she glanced back, Angel was already heading over to Kate.
Buffy went inside and found the restroom, quickly locking the door before she sat on the edge of the tub. What was wrong with her tonight? So, Angel had a date - big deal. And yet this feeling of unease clung to every inch of her skin; she wished she could scrub it off and rid herself of this tension.
Buffy stepped out of the restroom after a moment and lingered in the kitchen; she could see out into the backyard perfectly through the sink window. She watched Kate place a hand on Angel's shoulder. He turned his head slightly toward hers.
"Hey," Cordelia's voice shook Buffy out of her reverie, "you just can't get out of the kitchen, huh?"
"Just needed a breather."
"Mmm," she bustled around the kitchen, cleaning up the counters and putting dishes away. Buffy jumped slightly when Cordelia passed her a plate to wash and followed her gaze outside. "Angel and Kate seem to be pretty entwined tonight, huh?"
"Yes," bitterness leaked through Buffy's tone, against her better judgement, "very."
She turned away from the window stiffly. She needed to stop this bitter Buffy thing she had going on. She didn't want to be bitter, she wanted to be the opposite - whatever that was. Happy? Cheery? Carefree? Cordelia began washing dishes and Buffy helped dry them off.
"I wasn't sure if they'd hit it off, but Angel seems pretty smitten. He's a tough cookie to crumble," Cordelia rambled on and Buffy tried to tune her out, "but I think I finally nailed this whole matchmaking business. I should've thought of Kate sooner - I mean her and Angel are perfect together, just made for each other. Something to remember for the wedding speeches - right?"
Buffy glanced at Cordelia quickly but realized she was the one being observed instead. Like Cordelia was waiting for her to bite back - as if she was purposely trying to rile Buffy up; she set down the plate she was drying with a piercing clatter.
"What is this?"
Cordelia blinked once, twice. "What is what?"
"This - everything!"
"Everything as in…?"
"The dates," Buffy snapped, "is this all some big joke to you? Forcing Angel to go on blind dates, trying to get me to play cheerleader on the whole thing? Are you trying to piss me off? Congratulations, you got your prize, you won. God! What is this game you're trying to play?!"
Cordelia stared at her in shock for a moment and then began to laugh. It wasn't a mean sound but it was one Buffy didn't understand. "You're so oblivious. I can't believe I have to spell it out for you."
"What?"
"Buffy - you're in love with Angel. And he's in love with you."
Buffy faltered and blinked. All the air seemed to leave the room. "What?"
"Oh, come on. It's so obvious! Anyone with half a brain cell can see it from a mile away. We've been waiting for months for you guys to figure it out."
"WE?"
"Um. Everyone that works at the bakery?"
"Everyone?" Buffy squeaked, her face flushed in mortification.
"Pretty much. Gunn, Fred, Gwen, Anne, Beth, Rona, Vi, Amanda, Kendra, the rest of our friends…?"
"Oh, god," Buffy buried her face in her hands. "Does…does Angel know?"
"Please, he's as clueless as you! Why do you think I've been getting him to go on all these dates? I thought he would find Kate kinda boring but I guess I overshot. Still."
"Wait - what?" she said for the third time.
"Look, I don't know when you two started crushing on each other - probably a really long time ago, but something had to be done. The whole mutual pining thing was getting really obnoxious. So, I started setting Angel up with some bad blind dates. I knew the women weren't really his type - but I thought one of you had to come to your senses eventually. And you did! So, mission accomplished."
"Angel can't be in love with me," Buffy said quietly after a moment, "He just - he isn't."
"He was in love with you before. I don't think it'd be that hard to get there again."
"He's here with someone else."
"Well - I kinda pushed him into inviting Kate. Peer pressure is a powerful thing."
"He's barely looked or talked to me this whole night!"
"Every time your back is turned, he's staring right at you," Cordelia said firmly, "he's in love with you."
Buffy shook her head and opened her mouth when Fred and Beth came in, saying something about tacos. Cordelia's attention quickly turned to them and Buffy slipped out quietly; out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Angel looking her way but didn't meet his gaze. She felt like she'd be ripped open and picked apart for everyone to see.
She naturally found her way over to Xander, who was sending off a text and looked up at her with a wide grin. "Hey, Buffster."
She sat down beside him and smoothed out her dress as he took a swig of his beer. "Did you know I'm in love with Angel?"
Xander spat out his beer and began hacking loudly, his face turning red. Buffy patted his back gently as a few people sent curious looks their way. "Y-You…"
"I'm not saying - Cordy said I am. And that Angel…he feels the same. Did you know?" Xander averted his eyes and traced the rim of his beer nervously - classic sign of guilt. "What about Willow? Dawn?" he gave her a guilty look and Buffy felt the strong urge to flee with her face buried in her hands. "Was there anyone who didn't know?"
"Plenty of people! Earth has seven billion people, you know, so that leaves billions not in the know. Pretty well-kept secret, if you ask me."
"Why didn't you say anything?"
"What should I have said? You and Angel clearly wanna jump each other's bones, but are too chicken? You guys exchange heart eyes at least twenty times a day? It's not an easy thing to tell you."
"Point taken."
"So…what are you going to do?"
"What is there to do?" Xander gave her a wry look and she sighed, "Just…can I think about it tomorrow?"
"Sure. Just don't wait forever."
The early morning was punctuated with the sound of the whisk scraping against the ceramic blue bowl.
Buffy eyed the batter critically and kept whisking as old 80s pop music echoed through her small kitchen. She woke up this morning wishing her mom was here - and one of the few things she had left of Joyce was her cranberry muffin recipe. A cherished and honoured pastry that they used to bake together for breakfasts, lovingly crafted as they'd crack up over old family memories and sing along to the radio.
Those days were gone but she still had the nostalgia of those memories.
Once the batter looked perfectly blended, she added the cranberries and folded them in along with chopped walnuts. There was peace and simplicity in an old recipe, one Buffy knew by heart. This was a ritual she could get lost in. She pulled the greased muffin tin closer to begin pouring the batter when there was a knock on the door. Angel. Who else would come around so early?
She opened the door and there he was, two coffee cups in hand from the local cafe two blocks away from hers. He smiled tentatively and held out a cup. "I got you a mocha. Yesterday felt…off. I'm sorry."
"What are you sorry for?" she asked curiously, momentarily thrown.
"I should've introduced you to Kate," her chest tightened uncomfortably at the mention of Angel's date, "we own a business together. We're partners. I feel like I left you in the dust last night, which is the last thing I ever want to do. I'm sorry."
"No need for apologies or forgiveness," she replied delicately, "Like you said, we're partners. And thank you for the mocha. Do you want to come in?"
"I have work in 20."
"Right, you got stuck with the morning shift."
"You come in at 2, right? Until closing?" she nodded, "Wanna get Thai tonight?"
She should say no. Find some elaborate excuse as to why they couldn't hang out. "Sure."
"Great," he smiled, his eyes soft, "I'll see you in a couple of hours."
"See you."
You're in love with Angel. And he's in love with you.
"Hey, you good?" Rona asked as Buffy wiped the counters down; they'd recently expanded into making coffee and espresso drinks, and just finished going through a lunch rush.
"All good. What's up?"
Rona shrugged. "You've just been really quiet lately. Kinda scary."
"Scary?"
"A quiet Buffy is a fearful one," Rona said solemnly but cracked a small smile. She wasn't entirely wrong - Buffy wasn't exactly taking the crown for social butterfly of the week, but it was hard to keep up the facade when her entire workplace believed something so intimate about her. Something she was still trying to process.
Xander promised Buffy he wouldn't say a word about her finding out - Cordy, she wasn't sure, but she hadn't said a word before, so she should be okay there. This was a secret she wanted to keep to herself.
"Oh, come on, you're done?" Rona called to Vi who was slipping on her coat and bag, "I'll miss you!"
Vi rolled her eyes and laughed. "I'll see you at home, weirdo - oh, hey, wait, before I go," she approached the counter and lowered her voice, "Cordelia's stopped her whole blind date campaign for Angel. Apparently she thinks her work is done."
Buffy studiously focused on scrubbing a nonexistent stain as Rona hummed thoughtfully. "With that woman, Kate?"
"Guess so," Vi said, a hint of displeasure in her voice and Buffy suppressed an unwitting, itty bitty smile.
"Hmph. Well, I'll see you at home."
They waved goodbye to Vi and Buffy set down the rag in her hand. "I have some other stuff to get done in the back, but Fred starts in ten minutes and she'll come support you. You'll be okay till then?"
"Yes, general," Rona joked, "I think I'll live."
"I'm counting on it."
Buffy headed into the back where some of the others were chatting as they went through their usual shift tasks; she found Angel leaning against the side of his desk, flipping through forms and singing a Barry Manilow song under his breath.
"Hey, superstar, what are you looking at?"
Angel jumped up and Buffy couldn't resist letting out a giggle. "Working on business stuff. Monthly reports, I mean, checking them over."
"Clearly very important things."
"Obviously," Angel tapped a plastic container sitting on his desk, "I'm working on the creme brûlée bars. Tell me what you think."
She sat down at her desk and pulled a bar out, taking a big bite; she tried not to think about his eyes lingering on her. "I like the flavour. Texture could be crunchier."
"It'll cost more to make."
Buffy hummed thoughtfully. "Maybe we can make it a special first, see how sales go."
"Yeah, that's a good idea. Some days I'm not sure what I'd do without you," Angel's tone was somewhat teasing but he regarded her with fond eyes and Buffy couldn't deny the rosy feeling that flooded her at that observation.
There are three boxes that sit in Buffy's closet, all of varying sizes.
One of them held items that belonged to Joyce - old sweaters and pants, perfume, jewelry, recipe notebooks and old day planners, intimate belongings Buffy wanted to keep close. When they had to sell Joyce's house to pay off her outstanding hospital bills, Buffy had taken care in deciding what to keep for her and Dawn. Every once in a while, she would pull out the box and sit on the ground, surrounding herself with mementos of her mother. She'd close her eyes and inhale the smell of a jacket, or trace her hand over worn writing ingrained onto lined pages.
The second box held items from her childhood and teenage years, old concert stubs and yearbooks and a cheerleading uniform thrown inside. This was not a box she went through very often, if only occasionally after a Skype call with Willow or Xander or if she drank too much wine and felt particularly nostalgic.
The last box, the smallest of the rest, held old tokens from relationships she treasured. A couple photos kept here and there, birthday cards, items from a good day she couldn't bear to throw out. Buffy couldn't remember the last time she went through the items inside.
She sat on the floor of her bedroom and picked through the last box. She looked past old Polaroids and some old anniversary gift from Riley; she pulled out old photos, a book and a small jewelry ring box.
She gazed at the photo of her and Angel in college, arms wrapped around each other, smiles bashful but joy seemed to pour out of them. Another one of them somewhere in Central Park, Buffy sticking out her tongue as Angel rolled his eyes playfully, fall leaves a warm backdrop. She moved on to Elizabeth Barrett Browning's sonnets and read the inscription Angel had written at the time, her finger tracing the word Always.
Buffy set down the book and opened up the ring box to reveal the claddagh ring Angel had gifted her for her birthday, still shiny and ornate. She never told him she kept it - they'd never come close to discussing it. But she remembered everything. She still knew exactly what it meant.
She slid the ring onto her finger slowly.
It was still a perfect fit.
Buffy wiped sweat dripping down her forehead and stared down at the open conversation on her phone.
Xander: So?
What's your plan
Buffy: Plan for what
Xander: Nice try
But we both know what I mean
Buffy: Too much on my plate to think about that
Xander: I'm no Willow or Dawnie
But we can still talk about it
Her fingers hovered over the keyboard but she shut her phone off and set it down. Talking or thinking about all that wasn't something she wanted to do. That meant acknowledging it and letting out floodgates full of worry that would bowl over a lot of good going on in her life. She liked the land of denial, frolicking the fields of ignorance - she wanted to stay there a bit longer, that's all.
"You good?" Kendra asked as she took a sip of her water.
"Why does everyone keep asking me that?" Buffy huffed, "Do I have something on my face that says I'm upset, let's have a therapy session about it?" Kendra raised a brow, clearly unimpressed and Buffy sighed. "Sorry. I know you're just looking out for me."
"If you really need an answer - you just look like something's been weighing on you," Kendra strapped the focus mitts back onto her hands; they'd been running through boxing drills throughout the past hour, a last-minute session organized by Buffy.
"Well - do you ever feel like you're one step away from messing up everything good in your life?" Buffy put on her boxing gloves and began practicing jab crosses into the focus mitts.
"Did something happen with Angel? The bakery? Dawn?"
"No, no, just - it's fine. Nothing's amiss. It's just the possibility of messing up your life."
"That's always there. Nothing can change that, but are you really afraid of messing things up, or taking a risk? Because that's different. If I gave up every time me and Faith had a fight, I'd be miserable - and alone."
Buffy surveyed her friend closely. "You're too wise for your own good."
"I have a good teacher."
Buffy swiped two spoons from the counter as she tried her maple walnut cone and shifted past other customers to get back outside. Angel was waiting out on the sidewalk, already digging into his coffee ice cream cone and she tapped his shoulder; she held up the spoons and he took one, both of them taking a bite of each other's ice cream.
"Delicious," she sighed happily as they crossed the street to walk around the park. It was a nice summer evening where it wasn't unbearably humid; kids were running around, people whizzing by on bikes and families out for walks. A slight breeze picked up in the air, carrying the sound of laughter and chatter, intertwined with the sway of nearby trees and cars driving past. "Does this beat cookie-dough-fudge-mint-chip for you?"
"Nothing beats that one," Angel admitted, "but this is close. Hey, if we went in on an ice cream business, we would've crushed it."
"Yeah, except you would be too busy sampling the flavours every day," she teased, "then where would we end up?"
"Busy and booming. I'm serious," he protested at the skeptical look on her face, "if I love it, so will everyone else."
"Cause you're the epitome of taste, Mr. Michelin," they stopped at a rickety fence overlooking a small pond and Buffy leaned against the railing, taking in the fresh smell of wildflowers and sound of bubbling water. "I heard Cordy gave up on the blind dates finally."
"Yeah," Angel chuckled, but there was a touch of tension there, "I guess she thought Kate was her winner."
"Was?"
"She's nice, but I don't see it going anywhere more than that. She felt the same."
Buffy examined him silently for a moment, his mask-like expression. "Why do I feel like there's something missing?"
"It's nothing."
"Come on, spill. You know I can keep a secret."
"It's nothing, it's just - she said I was clearly already in love with someone else."
"Who?" she snapped immediately, before clearing her throat and using a gentler tone, "Who?"
"It's not important," he shook his head slightly and Buffy raised her eyebrows skeptically, to which he eyed her warily, "She thinks I'm in love with you."
"Oh," Buffy said dumbly, too shocked and too overwhelmed to think of much else, "What gave her that idea?"
"I suppose I talked about you a lot on the first date," Angel mumbled, "and something about the way we acted at Cordelia's barbecue. It's silly."
"Yeah...crazy."
He cleared his throat a couple times. "She thinks - Kate thought you might be in love with me, too."
"What, because we dated in college?"
"I didn't actually tell her that."
"Oh."
"Ridiculous, huh?"
"Totally." Buffy felt like the ground was trembling beneath her. There was a fork in the road and she couldn't turn back. Things could stay the same or she could take a risk. "But just to be sure - I mean, we own a business. We should be sure. For the sake of working together."
His eyes widened. "Okay."
This was the hard part. Angel took a step closer. Buffy touched his shoulders gently and inhaled softly. Everything was quiet around them. She tried to remember the last time they kissed, what it was like all those years ago. But the details she attempted to draw up felt blurry and unfinished, like something out of a warm distant dream. Maybe that was a sign that everyone was wrong about the two of them.
Then Angel's lips met hers.
There was so much she'd forgotten. There was no mistaking the feeling he was drawing out, something that had always been there, just unearthed and lying in wait. This was belonging - he felt like home. He pulled her closer, his mouth soft and insistent, then her ice cream cone fell out of her hand and onto the ground with a splat. Buffy couldn't bring herself to care as she buried her hands in his hair.
They broke apart eventually, both of them breathing hard and yet Angel felt like an anchor steadying her somehow.
"I have to tell you something," she breathed out, her voice low and he chuckled breathlessly.
"Yeah," he chuckled hoarsely, "I think we both have stuff to say."
"No, it's more, it's - the night of Cordelia's barbecue, she told me the same thing Kate did. She said we were in love, and we didn't know it. I didn't say anything because, well, I didn't want to risk messing us up. Or the business. People count on us, right? But maybe that's more of an excuse. An excuse for not telling you and protecting myself."
"Buffy, it's okay. It's okay. I ignored it, too. I didn't know how to feel this."
He brushed back a strand of her hair and she met his soft gaze. "So, should we do the whole we're doomed, this is a tragedy waiting to happen shtick?"
"Do you want to?"
Buffy made an exaggerated pensive face. "Hmm…not really," she smiled gently, "We could hash out the whole nine yards, but we know the risks. There were different ones the first time we did this. But I..."
"It's okay," he shook his head and smiled at her, already aware of what she was getting at, "We don't need to say it yet. We have time."
All the time in the world, she thought giddily as he brushed his hand across her face; he closed the distance between them and Buffy felt wide awake for the first time in a long time.
Thanks for reading, comments and kudos are appreciated!