Regrets (His)
April 26, 2023
He watched her as she was walking past him. She was wearing a light blue denim sun dress. He could see from a distance that she was wearing an anklet on her ankle. He wondered if she was wearing panties or not.
He watched to see if she looked over to where he was standing with his crew. She was wearing sunglasses and he couldn't tell for sure, but her head didn't turn towards him as she kept walking.
"She's pulling away from me, I really mess this up," he thought to himself.
It hadn't been two months since she had been blindsided by Shelby about their relationship. He had told her their friendship was important to him, yet he was allowing Shelby to come between them. He knew his fantasies would come true with Shelby, so he didn't want to jeopardize that.
She knew Shelby would make him choose between them. Did he choose correctly? His fantasies over his best friend? He chose his fantasies, at what cost?
He told her they needed to keep it professional. He knew he had hurt her, but he had to protect his fantasies. She would understand, right? He had shared those fantasies with her.
He didn't think she would be able to make those fantasies come true. She had said "she didn't like to share her toys." Granted, he was still married and she never complained about that.
She told him, she loved him and that she had never acknowledged that prior to all this blowing up. He had known that. Did he use that to his advantage? Most definitely, but he cared for her too. They could talk about anything. She gave herself to him unconditionally. Yet, when he had the chance to make a go of it, he chose someone else and his fantasies over her.
He told her he didn't mean for it to happen, but she knows him and he's not sure she bought that excuse.
He knows he needs to be honest with himself, but right now it's more important to fulfill his fantasies.
She'll welcome him back when he's ready, won't she?
Regrets (Her)
April 26, 2023
I started my daily walk this morning. As I rounded the corner, I saw him and his Crew in front of the warehouse. I'm wearing a light blue denim sundress. I can feel his eyes on me as I walk past.
It's all I can do not to walk over to them. I miss my best friend. I just kept walking not looking at him.
"Has he realized that I'm pulling away from him," I think to myself.
It's been the longest, hardest two months I've gone through in a very long time. I don't understand how he can let someone he barely knows put a wedge between us, damaging a foundation of our friendship that we have worked so hard to build and maintain. I regret the things I said that night when I was blindsided by Shelby, but as soon as she told me she was with him, I went into shock. I knew she was playing the victim and there is nothing I can say that he'll believe at this time. I never thought he'd think I would ever do anything intentionally to hurt him.
He forgets how well I know him. I told him when we talked that I knew she would make him choose and I knew what his choice would be. The fact that he forgets we've talked about his fantasies over the years. Just in the brief conversation I had with her when this happened, she has led a life that would play into his fantasies.
I would tell him that I didn't like to share my "toys" when he would talk about us experiencing those fantasies. Not that I'm saying I'd be ever comfortable with them, but I wasn't given the chance when he became eligible to explore without it being a risk for him.
I'm upset with him for not being honest, but I really resent her for saying she doesn't want us to be friends. He thinks she'll come around, but I know that will never happen. He expects me to be the bigger person so she can see who I am. No matter how nice I am, she's never going to accept us as friends. She has problems with him hugging his ex-wife, she's never going to allow me in his life.
All I can do is stay away from meetings, thank goodness for school) and offer him up in my prayers and turn it over to God.