Chapter Three

Less than ten minutes later Ritsu found himself seated at an outdoor café with Moto Ran, each of them with a cup of coffee. To Ritsu's surprise, nobody around them seemed to recognize Ran, even with his sunglasses off.

"Ah…thank you for the coffee Moto-san," Ritsu said in a painful tone, tapping the rim of the cup of coffee he hadn't drunk yet. "But you see, I'm in a hurry—"

"Ehhhh?" Ran exclaimed. His eyes went wide and became sparkly with sadness. "But Ritsu, you can't leave! I texted Shin about you, and his manager is driving him over!"

"EH?!" Ritsu shouted, jumping to his feet. "W-Who did you tell about me?!"

"Oh you know! Akiyama Shin! Masaaaaaamune," he enunciated with a smirk. "He also thought you guys were real, and he's really excited to meet you!"

"Kami-sama," Ritsu groaned, cradling his stomach as he slowly sank back down into his seat. He couldn't even manage to feel excited about two famous actors excited to meet him.

"But this is completely surreal," Ran said, taking a sip of coffee. "I never would've expected to meet you face-to-face, Ritsu! I didn't even think you lived in Tokyo!"

Ritsu rubbed a hand over his face. "Can you please keep your voice down, Moto-san? I would rather not draw attention to myself."

"So," Ran said as though Ritsu hadn't said anything, leaving his elbows on the table while he smiled. "Since I'm introducing you to the TV-Masamune you can tell me—what was the real Masamune like?"

"E-EH?!" Ritsu shouted again, almost knocking over his cup.

"You know, Semmpai!" Ran said in his "Ritsu-voice". "What was he like? Was he handsome?" His eyes narrowed playfully. "Was he a good kisser?"

"Moto-san, I am not answering these questions!" Ritsu said sternly. "They are my private business!"

"Don't be afraid, Ritsu. I do play you on television, after all. Hearing about your real-life exploits with Masamune will give me more direction in how to portray you."

"It doesn't matter! People don't talk about such details with strangers!"

"Shin's a great kisser," Ran said bluntly.

Ritsu stared at him bluntly. "N…Nani—"

"The first time he kissed me for the movie I almost fainted," Ran continued, taking another sip of coffee. "I'd never kissed a man for a movie role before, but it was a pretty amazing kiss. So much so that I deliberately messed up my line so he could do it again."

Ritsu's face turned red from Ran's nonchalant dialogue about kissing his male coworker. Ritsu pressed the heels his palms against his face. "…Why would you tell me this?" he mumbled.

"You said strangers don't discuss such topics with each other," Ran pointed out. "But I just did. Sooo…why don't you tell me how the real Masamune's kissing was like?"

Ritsu shook his head against his hands. "No."

"Aww, you're no fun Ritsu," Ran complained softly, but he leaned back in his chair.

"Moto-san, I don't believe you should be talking about a colleague in such a way," Ritsu said. "It may give people the wrong impression."

"'Wrong impression'?"

"That you are—more than colleagues. There are already rumors about you both—"

"Oh really?!" Ran perked up upon hearing this. "What kind of rumors are there about Shin and I?!"

"I-I don't think you would want to—"

"Oh, but I'm VERY interested," Ran insisted. "What do the rumors say?"

"T-That you two are a couple in real life!" Ritsu hissed.

Ran gave a peculiar smile. "That is interesting."

They sat in silence for several minutes, and Ritsu didn't lift his head. He was aware of Ran ordering some cakes from a waitress, but Ritsu wanted to disappear. Everything that could go wrong with his life had happened. He'd been humiliated by the people around him one time too many times, and now he was stuck in the company of an actor who perpetuated the humiliation. It was too much.

Who would've thought that quitting my father's company and being just an average manga editor would make my life so COMPLICATED ?!

"…Ritsu," Ran addressed him finally. Ritsu looked up at him. Ran's tone of voice had changed. His whole demeanor had changed. Now he was looking at Ritsu with total seriousness.

"…What is it?" Ritsu said.

"Did you really break up with Masamune that way?" Ran asked him.

Ritsu groaned, wanting the ground to absorb him. "I've already been called an 'idiot' second-handedly enough! I don't want to hear it again!"

Ran's eyes widened in shock. "S-So, the breakup in the book was REAL?! You kicked Masamune in the head, immediately transferred schools, and never spoke to him again?!"

"Look, it wasn't that simple!" Ritsu shot back. "My relationship with Tak—Masamune," he hastily corrected himself. "Wasn't as rosy as the novel portrayed it! He sure as hell wasn't some shining, perfect boyfriend either! Like I told you, I had plenty of reason to believe he wasn't being sincere with me!"

Ran pressed a hand to his heart and breathed out a long sigh. "W-Wow, really? That's a relief!"

"…Ha?" Ritsu said after a moment.

"The series might be popular, but you have no idea how disliked you are amongst fans," Ran said slowly. "A lot of people consider you 'wishy-washy' and a 'weak uke that abuses the trust and love his seme'."

"They don't say that about me!" Ritsu denied.

"Really? You don't think so?" Ran pulled out his cell phone and after tapping on the screen he handed it to Ritsu. "Take a look at my Twitter feed."

Ritsu was horrified. Whilst many fans praised Ran's acting and his good looks, a lot of comments were full of vitriol against Ritsu's character. It seemed like a lot of people forgot that Ran wasn't Ritsu and were personally attacking him.

"I've been thinking for a while that it's just not fair that Ritsu causes the problems and turmoil in the relationship," Ran said. "Especially when I started suspecting Masamune and you were real people. I kept thinking 'can't Masamune do anything wrong? Why is Ritsu always in the wrong?' It was driving me nuts, but no matter what I kept telling the creative team they kept insisting we follow the formula of the books. And when I tried to contact Yayoi-sensei about why he was portraying Ritsu in such a way, I was unable to.

"But you're saying Masamune wasn't like he was in the books?" Ran shook his head. "As relieved as I am to hear that he had some faults, if your breakup was really like that then I can imagine that your relationship was less than ideal."

"I-It really wasn't so bad," Ritsu insisted, forgetting that he had tried to draw a line about his personal life. "We just had bad communication is all. But I agree—we both contributed a lot to the downfall of our relationship but like what's been going on with the scandal surrounding the book I was primarily blamed for how our relationship ended." Ritsu shook his head and covered up his face. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised that people blame me even in a fictional universe."

Ran hummed softly, but didn't say anything more. The waitress brought out the cakes that Ran had ordered, but Ritsu wasn't in the mood to eat them. His stomach was churning and he felt so embarrassed. Being around the actor who portrayed the teenage version of himself was surreal, and it made him think about a lot of things he didn't want to think about.

Especially since my VERY REAL BREAKUP ended up in the final book!

"So…what happened afterwards?" Ran asked. "Did you ever clear the air with Masamune? Have you spoken to him recently? Or have you two truly not ever seen each other again?"

Ritsu didn't want to answer and reveal too much about what was currently going on in his personal life. Especially since he was fairly certain that he wanted to end…whatever it was that that was going on between Takano and him.

"If you don't mind my asking Ritsu, but are you currently seeing anyone?" Ran asked.

Ritsu didn't answer him, but he knew his silence was answer enough for Ran.

"M-Maybe there could be some way to contact Masamune," Ran said. "Even if not a phone number but an email address. How long ago did you break up with him?"

"…Ten years ago."

"Oh, okay." Ran sounded a little surprised for a moment. Then he brightened. "Maybe I could talk to the producer, and mention something next episode about Masamune—"

"No!" Ritsu shouted, waving his hands. "D-Don't do that, please!"

"But a misunderstanding of THIS magnitude shouldn't be left unresolved—"

"Moto-san, it's been ten years! I-I-I—do you think Masamune cares at this point?!"

"Aa, I do," Ran said firmly.

"Demo, how can you know that if you've never met him?!"

"Because I'm you, Ritsu."

"Kami-sama," Ritsu groaned, covering his face with his hand.

He knew that Ran going on TV and "sending a message" to Masamune was pointless because he had already hashed everything out with Takano, and now they were in a weird limbo with their relationship where they were superior and subordinate, but also lovers.

Takano-san said he loved me, but he treats me disrespectfully, doesn't respect my boundaries, and violates my privacy. How is this love? How is this the "world's greatest first love"? I already gave him everything of me—my heart, my body, my very being—and all I got out of it was the worst heartbreak in the world. Even now he's the biggest source of pain for me!

"Honestly though," Ran said suddenly, startling Ritsu slightly. "I'm really confused. If your romance was Masamune was the greatest first love in the world, why did you break up? Why did Akikawa Yayoi call the series that if you two didn't stay together?"

Ritsu ducked his head forward. The pain was starting to surface qucikly and fiercely again. "…I don't know," he murmured. "I didn't consult him about the series. I didn't even tell him about the breakup—"

"Wait, Akikawa-sensei wrote the series without getting consent from either Masamune or you?!" Ran exclaimed. He at least had the grace to look mortified. "That's horrible, Ritsu! Sensei used your real names for that series! Why didn't you sue him?!"

"How would suing him help me?!" Ritsu demanded, looking up again. "That would have outed me, wouldn't it?! And hedidn't care—"

"Wait, 'he'?" Ran quickly interjected. "Who's 'he'?!"

Ritsu stiffened, and he felt the blood rush to his head. Shit! I just admitted to him that I'm still talking to "Masamune"!

And Ritsu knew Ran realized with his expression. His eyes widened even more, and a wide smile broke out across his face. "Wait. Ritsu…are you saying—"

"Onodera?"

Ritsu flinched violently, and his vision swam. Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no…

"So here you are, Onodera," Takano said behind Ritsu. Ritsu thought he sounded a little weary, but he knew that couldn't be the case. He moved to stand at the table side between Ritsu and Ran. Ritsu saw him fold his arms over his chest out of the corner of his eye, but otherwise he didn't look up at his face. "I've been trying to talk to you for the last two days."

He didn't want to talk to Takano. He didn't wan to see Takano ever again. He breathed harshly through his nose and kept his eyes on the table, trying to will Takano to leave him along once and for all.

Forever, preferably.

Ran seemed to notice Ritsu's demeanor and quickly stood. "Ah, hello," he greeted Takano with forced politeness. He offered an extremely glossy and professional looking business card to Takano. "I'm Moto Ran. Are you a friend of Ritsu's?"

Takano gave Ran a sideways glance before accepting the business card and pulling out his own wallet. "Nice to meet you," he said politely. "I'm Takano Ma—"

"T-Takano-san's my boss!" Ritsu quickly shouted over him, standing up as well.

"Oh, your boss?" Ran mused. He folded his arms behind his head. "Have you been skipping work, Ritsu?"

"Excuse me?!" Ritsu snapped. "It's Saturday, you know!"

"People work on Saturday, Ritsu. Didn't you know that?"

"Of course I knew that!"

"You must be close with Onodera if you refer to him with such familiarity," Takano said to Ran. His tone was not cold but cautious. He glanced at Ran's business card as he got one of his own out, and he suddenly went still. "Moto Ran. You're the actor," he said bluntly to Ran. "World's Greatest First Love. You play Ritsu."

"Aa, I do," Ran said with a smile. "Did you know that this Ritsu—"

"HAHAHAHA!" Ritsu shouted, overshadowing Ran's words.

Takano quickly glanced between Ritsu and Ran, his eyes growing wider and wider with each passing second. Ritsu looked at him with helpless, pleading eyes. Please, Takano-san. Please, please, PLEASE don't tell Moto-san you are!

Takano held his gaze for a moment. Ritsu noticed then that Takano looked a little disheveled. His hair had been brushed but there were noticeable bags underneath his eyes and he looked like he hadn't shaved in a couple of days. Ritsu felt his heart clench briefly, despite his anger at Takano. Takano looked away then and offered his business card to Ran. "You're doing a good job on the show, Moto-san," he said in a neutral tone.

"Thank you, Takano-san," Ran said, accepting the card. He idly looked it over. "I try my—"

Ran suddenly let out a loud, wheezing gasp. It also sounded like a scream. Patrons glanced at them as he slapped a hand over his mouth and his eyes went wide. Dread quickly filled Ritsu's body. Oh no.

Ran's head snapped up, and he looked at Takano in shock. "M…Masamune?" The name was muffled behind his hand, but both Ritsu and Takano heard him. He dropped his hand away from his mouth. "THE Masamune?!"

"Ah—" Ritsu began.

"Aa," Takano interjected, unabashed and uncaring. "That's me."

This time Ran did scream, and to Ritsu's shock he flung himself at Takano and gave him a tight hug. Takano went stiff in his arms and he looked a little surprised, glancing at Ritsu in confusion. Ritsu just wanted to be somewhere other than there.

Other patrons were now openly staring at them and whispering amongst themselves. Ritsu hurried over and inserted himself between Ran and Takano. "W-We should probably—"

"What's this? You're not the type to throw yourself at random people, Ran."

The trio turned to see a very handsome young man approaching them, wearing designer clothes and having his hands in his pockets. He looked to be around Ran's age, and he was wearing his black hair in a familiar hairstyle. Despite his words he was wearing a friendly smile.

But Ritsu recognized him and a wave dread swept over him. He knew who this was. Akiyama Shin, the actor who play Masamune in the live-action fictional retelling of the dumpster fire that was his life.

"Shin!" Ran called, waving his arm. Again he didn't seem to care that they could be recognized and hurried over to his coworker. "It's them! Both of them!" He pointed frantically towards Ritsu and Takano.

Shin's jaw dropped and his head snapped up to look at the pair. "Really?!"

Ritsu frantically pulled out his wallet and tossed a 10,000-yen note onto the table. Then he rushed over to the actors and grabbed them both by their arms. "We're taking this elsewhere!"

"Indeed," Takano said, casually approaching behind him. "I'm curious to know what's going on."

"I can't believe this," Shin breathed. He was reaching for them but not touching them. "I'm really staring at the real Masamune and Ritsu!"

At Ritsu's insistence they had left the outdoor café and the four men were standing near a park. The sidewalk was populated with people, but no one gave them a second glance. Ritsu had wanted to run away and go back home and hide, but he knew that it wouldn't have solved anything.

"Hey, can we get a picture?" Ran asked, holding up his cell phone. "I want to post this to Twitter!"

"EH?!" Ritsu shouted.

"Sure, I don't care," Takano said.

"Okay, good! Shin and I will stand in the middle, Masamume you stand on Shin's right side, and Ritsu you stand on my left side!"

Ritsu sputtered, but otherwise said nothing in protest or made any moves to run away while they lined up the way Ran wanted them to line up. He didn't try to smile for the picture when Ran held up his phone and took it. "Don't worry, I won't say who you both are," Ran reassured them.

"Could you send that to me, Ran?" Shin asked.

"Okay, sure! Ritsu, Masamune, would you both like me to send it to you?"

"No!" Ritsu snapped.

"Sure," Takano said, taking out his phone. "I'll give you my number, Moto-san."

"Can I have your number too?!" Shin asked excitedly. "There's so many things I've wanted to ask you!"

"Wait—!" Ritsu protested.

"Okay," Takano said.

"Ritsu, you're so mean!" Ran laughed, giving Ritsu a half-hug, half-headlock. "How could you let me think you never saw Masamune again, when he's your boss?!"

"Yeah, Ritsu," Takano asked in a bland tone. "How could you lie to your TV-self like that?"

"Takano-san, please stay out of this!" Ritsu snapped.

"Hey, what's it like to kiss Ritsu?" Shin asked Takano suddenly. "Is it as amazing as the books portrayed it?"

"Who asks these kinds of questions of people they just met?!" Ritsu demanded.

"When I kiss him I swoon," Takano told Shin.

"Wow, even now after so long?!" Shin exclaimed.

Takano smiled. "It's never changed, Akiyama-san."

Both Shin and Ran looked thrilled, and Ran even began fanning himself with his copy of volume one World's Greatest First Love. "That's incredible."

"Hey you said you were getting Ritsu's autograph," Shin spoke up, reaching into his own bag. "Did you get Masamune's?"

"Oh, not yet! Masamune, can I have your autograph?!"

Takano shrugged and accepted the book. Shin shoved a copy of volume 3 of World's Greatest First Love into Ritsu's hands. Ritsu stiffly opened the book and signed the cover page, feeling the desire to sink into oblivion again. Kami-sama…my life is a mess…

"Ritsu, you need to share too!" Ran insisted, looking at him as he took his book back. "Is Masamune a great kisser?!"

"That's an answer I would like to hear too," Takano said as he signed Shin's book.

"Look, we are NOT having this conversation and this is no one's business!" Ritsu snapped, pushing away from Ran. "I have nothing to say to ANY of you, and you—" he jabbed his finger at Takano. "Have no right to demand anything from me after what you did!"

"I already told you that I didn't tell Sensei about what happened between us," Takano said sternly, folding his arms over his chest. "How many times do I have to say it before you'll believe me, Ritsu?"

"There's no one else who could have told him!"

"Other than you?"

"I didn't tell him!"

"Neither did I."

"This is surreal," Shin breathed, his eyes wide. "We're watching the real Masamune and Ritsu arguing over their relationship."

"Yeah, I never thought I would meet a real-life OTP," Ran mused. "But it's amazing seeing true love in action, isn't it?"

"Aa."

"What are you two talking about?!" Ritsu snapped at them, ignoring Takano for second.

"Forget about them," Takano said, grabbing Ritsu's wrist. "Enough bullshit. We're resolving this once and for all, and I am NOT leaving you alone until we talk!"

"There's nothing to talk about!"

"Looks like you both have plenty to say to each other," Ran said, shooing at them. "Go on, hash it out and then kiss and make up."

"Will you SHUT UP?!" Ritsu yelled.

"Wow, it's surprising to see sweet and innocent Ritsu so mouthy," Shin said. "I hope you don't end up like this, Ran."

"Me either," Ran said quietly.

Ritsu felt his rage bubble over once more, but then Shin raised his hand. "Enough. Focus your energy elsewhere. Based on how the books ended, there's a lot you both need to resolve. Talk it over like adults and get passed this."

"Why do you care?" Ritsu demanded.

"Because your story is called World's Greatest First Love!" Ran spoke up. "Akikawa-sensei called it that for a reason! He saw something in your high school romance that inspired him! Now look at you both!" He gestured to them. "Ten years later and you're back together and there's clearly feelings still there! Don't you think a decade of bullshit is exhausting?! Just get over it and talk to each other! Talk! It's really that simple!"

Ritsu's mouth open and closed soundlessly as he gaped at the two actors in front of him. Then he clicked his mouth shut and ducked his head. Talk…They make it sound so simple, but…it isn't that simple.

"Ritsu." Takano's voice was low and surprisingly pleading. "I don't want to do this here. Please…just come with me."

Ritsu exhaled sharply through his teeth. It wasn't that simple, but the pain inside of him was fierce. He wanted something—anything—that would help sooth it. And if it meant talking about unpleasant subjects.

We've been avoiding it long enough. I can't avoid it any longer.

"…Hai," he said quietly.

"Please excuse us," Takano said to Ran and Shin.

"Look me up on Facebook, Masamune!" Ran called, waving.

"Me, too!" Shin called out, cupping his hands around his mouth.

Ritsu ducked his head forward as Takano pulled him along, but he said and did nothing in protest. I should be happy about this, right? But why am I filled with dread?

"That was surprising," Ran mused aloud. "Who would've thought I'd run into an icon while out book shopping?"

"Two icons," Shin said with a smile. "But whatever's going on they can get through it. I believe in them."

"Me too. Oh, I didn't tell you the best part!" Ran grinned at him. "Ritsu thinks we're dating."

Shin's smile broadened. "Does he, now?"

They went to Ritsu's apartment, and Ritsu found himself sitting on the center of his couch. His posture was stiff as he watched Takano paced the floor in front of him. "All right, we're here," he said miserably. "What do you want, Takano-san?"

"I didn't tell Usami-sensei about us," Takano said, turning to face him.

Ritsu scoffed in response.

"OI!" Takano shouted, startling Ritsu. Takano's face was full of anger, and…anguish? "Why would I tell Usami-sensei about our breakup, huh?! How does that benefit me?! If I was going to tell anything to Usami-sensei to influence the ending of his series, I would have told him that we flew to the States and got married!"

"EH?!" Ritsu cried out, aghast. "Why would you tell him that?!"

"Because I want that!" Takano hollered at him. His words shook Ritsu to the core. "I love you, Ritsu and I want to bewith you! I don't want to be stuck in this limbo for the rest of my life where we're comfortable enough having sex with each other, but NOT comfortable enough to date or be open with each other!"

Takano stormed over to him and Ritsu flinched, but Takano dropped to his knees on the floor before him and took his hands. Despite his yelling and obvious anger, his touch was gentle. "Ritsu, do you remember?" His tone had softened as well. He held up Ritsu's left hand and traced the diameter of his ring finger at the base. "When we wrapped band aids around our left ring fingers? That meant something to me, Ritsu. For a few days, when I felt the pressure of the band aid around my finger I could enjoy the aesthetic of wearing a wedding ring. Because I want that, Ritsu, and I want it with you. I…"

Takano let out a shaky breath and yanked his glasses off, tossing them onto the coffee table. "I love you," he said quietly. He met Ritsu's gaze and Ritsu had to look away because of the pain he saw there, but Takano cupped his chin and turned his head back, forcing their eyes to meet once more. "I love you," he repeated painfully. "That hasn't changed and will never change. I will tell you with words and with my body as often as I need to because it is all yours, Ritsu. I am yours; my body, mind mind, my heart, my soul…" he directed Ritsu's hand to caress his cheek and bury into his hair. "They have always belonged to you. Only you. I…I wish I could make you understand…"

"Understand what?" Ritsu asked. His tone was quiet and tears were stinging his eyes.

Takano narrowed his eyes, but Ritsu saw them turning red as tears started to build there as well. "That I need you," he almost hissed in response. "That I want to be with you. That I want to cherish and kiss and cuddle with you all the time. I want to wake up beside you every morning, and go to sleep beside you every night. I haven't wanted anything so much in my life than that, and you—only you—are the only person I want that with. Just…"

Takano let out a shaky sigh and ducked his head forward, pressing his hands into the cushions of Ritsu's couch on either side of Ritsu's thighs. "Ritsu…I'm tired. Am I really asking too much of you? I am offering you everything of me, and I feel like all I have of you is your body." He leaned forward and rested his face against Ritsu's chest, his forehead directly over his heart. "Why is it…how many times must I bare everything to you before it will be enough? Before you will believe in me? If you don't love me and you don't want me, tell me right now. Tell me so I don't get my hopes up anymore. My heart can't take it anymore."

Ritsu couldn't stop the tears then and they spilled down, falling into Takano's hair. He pressed a hand to his mouth, but he couldn't muffle the sob that erupted from his throat. His body trembled as he started to cry, biting into his hand to hide the sounds.

Why? Why does love have to be wrapped up in so much pain? This man—he has been the catalyst of so much pain I've suffered over the last decade. I have to hold on to the pain because if I release it then I will be hurt again. But…Takano-san, he—

Ritsu felt wetness spreading across his chest, and it took him a moment to realize that it wasn't caused by his own tears. It was Takano's tears. Takano's face was hidden, and he wasn't making a sound, but he was crying with Ritsu. The realization caused the pain to flare even stronger inside of him. Before he could stop himself, Ritsu grabbed Takano around the shoulders and held him tight to him. He buried his face into Takano's hair and let the sobs come unabated. Takano remained silent except for his unsteady breathing, and his hands left the cushions to cling to Ritsu around his waist.

Ritsu opened his eyes and gritted his teeth as he looked down at the top of Takano's head. "Do you know?" He bit out. "Do you truly understand how much you've hurt me?!" He was shaking violently, despite the room being warm, and his teeth chattered together. "You were the first real thing that ever truly made me happy, Takano-san! And in a moment when I opened up to you—when I allowed you to see me vulnerable a-and insecure—you laughed at me! Everyone is so focused on my "irrational response" to you, but nobody cares about how I felt in that moment! H-How hot and cold you were towards me during our entire relationship! I NEEDED that reassurance from you Takano-san, and instead of giving it to me you mocked me! A-And now—now years later—you demand love from me a-and to just forget everything that happened! I—!"

A low moan rumbled from his throat and Ritsu tilted his head back to look towards the ceiling. "Why is everything my fault?" He asked painfully. "Why is everything always my fault? Why does the person I love most cause me the most pain? Why—"

Takano launched back, pulling himself out of Ritsu's arms and cupping his cheeks, forcing their eyes to meet. "You said it," Takano said. He was also still crying but his eyes were wide. "You said it, Ritsu. You said you loved me."

Ritsu's mouth hung open, stunned and slightly mortified in the moment. The tears almost seemed to pour out now, blurring his vision to such a degree that he couldn't clearly see Takano's face. He sucked in a loud breath—and before he could stop himself he was screaming in Takano's face. "Of COURSE I LOVE YOU! I love you, you fucking idiot! Do you think I would be in this much pain over everything if I DIDN'T love you?! This isn't fun for me! I don't enjoy this! I don't enjoy hiding the fact that I love another man from my parents! I don't enjoy getting sick over these feelings for you! I don't enjoy seeing my life be fodder at work! I don't enjoy seeing our relationship be exploited for it! This—" he waved his arms wildly. "This isn't what I wanted my fucking life to be like!"

He pressed his hands hard against his face, grinding his teeth. "Kami-sama—why does it have to hurt?! It hurts so much…love isn't supposed to hurt, but I can't stop the pain! H-How—" Ritsu shook his head furiously. "You don't know what this is like for me!"

Takano closed his arms around him and pulled him close. Ritsu's eyes widened as he was surrounded by his warmth…his scent. His heart was still pounding, but the tremors in his body were quickly dissipating as Takano pressed his mouth to his ear. "Then tell me, Ritsu."

Ritsu opened his eyes, his face nestled into Takano's neck. "I told you before," Takano said quietly. His voice was low, and so comforting. "I want to know everything about the man I love. If I don't know what you are feeling, and what you are going through, tell me. If I'm the one causing you pain, let me help you. Bare it all and bleed. I'll be there to catch you, Ritsu. I want you to share everything with me. All of the pain. I will hurt with you and then I will help you heal."

Ritsu closed his eyes and choked on another sob. "…How?"

Takano smiled against his ear. "Trust me. Let yourself sink…I'll be here."

Another moan rumbled in his throat and he clung to him. He felt sick; everything was so scary. To be vulnerable again, to open his heart again…he couldn't do it, could he?

Demo…I want to. Kami-sama, I want this so much!

"It's too much. Right now, it's…"

"Then there's no rush. But I'm here. I'm not going anywhere, Ritsu. I already lost you once. I lost ten years of time that I could have had with you. I love you. I don't want to lose you again."

…I don't want to lose you, either.

It took Ritsu a moment to realize that he said the thought out loud. His chest throbbed and his body was sore on the inside, and he was so—so scared to just open himself again. But the longer Takano held him; the way his presence just soothed him. How the sensation of his heartbeat felt so good against his body. He could…almost feel Takano's warmth seep out of his body and into Ritsu's mingling with the pain and…and soothing it.

I'm afraid to let go of the pain. Takano-san has said I hurt him too. How did he let go of his pain?

"It wasn't easy," Takano said, and Ritsu flushed when he realized he was vocalizing his thoughts out loud again. "Pain isn't something that completely goes away. I'm not going to pretend that I'm going to make everything better for you, Ritsu. But I can try. Will you try, too?"

Ritsu closed his eyes again and let out a shaky sigh. He eased away from Takano and took hold of one of his hands. Slowly he stood up still holding the hand. After a moment, their fingers intertwined.

"I don't want to hurt anymore," Ritsu said finally.

"Neither do I," Takano said. "But I need you, Ritsu. I can't promise you that it will be perfect, but I'll stay by your side forever."

Ritsu's breathing was shaky and he scrubbed at his eyes with one hand. "I need you to respect my boundaries, Takano-san. To not push me, o-or badger me or humiliate me . I need—stability," he said. "I haven't had stability in a long time. Can you do this for me?"

"Yes," Takano said without hesitation. "Can you promise to never leave me again?"

If he hadn't already cried his eyes out, Ritsu believed he would have burst into tears again. But his face formed a painful grimace and he nodded stiffly. "…I won't leave again. I promise."

Takano raised Ritsu's hand, and kissed the base of his left finger. Then he smiled, and Ritsu felt his knees go weak. "Then…let's get started, neh?"

Yeah. They confessed. Ritsu, Takano—I love you guys, but seriously. It's been 10-plus years. I'm over it, as I can imagine many people are. Let's get that love confession in canon, please!

The next chapter is the final chapter. Stay tuned!