Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters of the witcher. Those are property of Mr Sapkowski and I using Netflix series canon mixed with the books.
Warning : Violence (some graphic). Traumatic events and post traumatic state, anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts. Emotional and physical whump.
Note : I write a bi or pan Jaskier. This chapter contains a homosexual relation (nothing very graphic). And the hard part is beginning here.
Chapter 2 : Nowhere is safe
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I wasn't fond of my new production on the technical aspect of it. It was rushed and raw. But it was what made it work. My prestation was received astonishingly well. I earned my money for the weeks to come in a matter of two days. And I quickly connected with people, which was the most important to me.
In the audience, elves and dwarves commented profusely the truthfulness of my words. But it was really informative and I was mentally taking notes for a better version of this saga. I used to fake a lot in my stories for the sake of the drama, but more accuracy was always welcome. And by modeling it in a more truthful way, maybe I could bring this work somewhere satisfying to me.
I found some interesting people to discuss with and it did me good. Real good. I was feeling part of something. Feeling seen and at the right place. Something that I was loosing progressively following Geralt. This was a very strange state back then. Being my muse I built my fame around him, and I had a real impact on how people was seeing him. But I never was part of his world as he was part of mine. And I don't mean the same way. That would have been ridiculous. He is not a poet and I am not a warrior. But you know... Friendship. That word meant a lot to me...
I stayed there a whole week, going from group of people to another. I didn't sing that much for the crowd but gave some private representations of a few songs. Interacting freely with artists from every corner of the Continent made me feel like a part of it again. It was slightly erasing those terrible things that lingered in my mind. And to my delight, I felt a warmth in my heart growing for an elven flute player who was working for another bard. He was playing with so much emotion. His music touched my bleeding heart.
My mental thread was as simple as that. If I can love, I can write, so I can live.
I saw in his eyes pretty quickly that he seemed to feel something for me as well so I didn't hesitate much and approached him, whilst he was alone.
You know, Bleobheris was a strange place, where everyone was invited and free, but often the world crisis reflected even here and kept people with their own kind. Elves most particularly. So I was really happy that the musician accepted my invitation and let me flirt blatantly with him, in the shadows of the forest. Adrian was his name.
###
They were barely hidden in the bush in the darkest spot of the woods surrounding the camp. It was at 400 or 500 yards away. Far enough to be discreet. Near enough to come back quickly if needed be.
Jaskier didn't care much to be seen or heard if someone was passing by. Love was love after all. But Adrian was more fearful. Which he didn't really understand.
- "Bleobheris is the most open place in the world." The poet told him. "If there is any place where what we are doing doesn't matter, it's here."
- "But your reputation… Having an affair with an elf…"
- "I love people, Adrian. My heart doesn't stop at someone's race."
The elf was sitting next to him again a big tree. His long blond hair was detached and hiding a part of his face as he was looking down. Jaskier moved to place himself in front of him. He pushed the cascading golden hair off his face to secure it behind his ear. Then he invited him to lift his head and captured his lips in a kiss.
Adrian responded positively and prolonged it with some hardly contained hunger.
- "You're a strange human, Jaskier." He said smiling softly against his lips.
- "Why is that ?"
- "You don't see with your eyes."
Adrian then plunged his hands in his shirt with a clear intention in mind.
###
In fact I didn't understand his real fear. I had affairs with different races. I was famous for my songs but my frivolous nature was well known also. But in a matter of a few months northern kingdoms had pushed some very restricting laws against non humans. And the latent racism was turning into a very active one. While I was out of the world, I didn't noticed the change, even though the tiny house in which I hid was an evidence in itself. An elven family running out their home on fear...
I was kind of naive and just living the moment with Adrian. That night was the most wonderful one. We played music to each other. We serenaded like teenagers. We told each other stories. We laughed and danced. I felt alive. No-one could have predicted how all of this would end.
I knew our love story would be short. He was kind of bound to his bard. I suspected an affair but this wasn't the kind of consideration that stopped me before. And he didn't tell me he was engaged to someone, so I was just diving in my feelings head first. Adrian was aware of that too and was just playing this part of the game also.
But during this last night we shared, he said things that made me understand there was something very wrong happening in the Continent. And it was strangely my introduction to the horror that followed.
###
Jaskier was simply living the moment, laying on the ground, listening to the bruising of the trees, and observing the silver lines projected by the moon on this soft mist exhaling from the earth. Adrian's head was resting on the poet's shoulder, his hand absently playing with his chest hair.
- "We are leaving Bleobheris tomorrow." Whispered the elf, a bit sad.
- "Where are you going ?" The poet asked, feeling his heart constrict slightly.
- "South. I am not sure where exactly. Some say that there are some welcoming places further."
- "Cintra is not a safe place for elves. Queen Calanthe is known for her dislike for your kind."
- "Yes but further in the south."
- "Is it really safe ? I heard the Nilfgaard had an army moving. There could be a war at the frontier."
Jaskier was repeating what he learnt from the dwarves during the dragon hunt. But Adrian gave him another lecture of the situation.
- "This is safer than staying in Temeria. I heard that the king had recently promulgated new laws against my kind. And wars of humans are not wars of elves. Sure there can be casualties but if we are sharp enough we can get through. We are a small company and musicians. Nilfgaard will not pay attention to us. Whereas here in Temeria, one elf in a village is sometimes too much..."
Jaskier stayed silent to that. He didn't know much about the new laws or the insecurity growing for non humans. He had months to catch up. But what Adrian said made him sad. He opened his arms wider, inviting him in a sweet embrace.
###
Only the stars witnessed our last passionate night of love. And it would stay in my mind like the last glimpse of real joy I felt for a long time.
We had fallen asleep, naked as newborns, and cupped in each other's arms.
It was the smoke that woke us up in the first glimpse of sunset. Adrian understood faster than me...
###
- "What is it ?" Asked Jaskier while putting his boots on.
The elf was already full clothed up. He didn't answer and just ran toward the camp before the poet could even react.
- "Sweet mother of... Adrian ! Wait !"
Jaskier sighed as he saw the elf disappearing in the forest. Defeated, he looked at his lute case leaning against a tree with his cape. If there was fire at the camp maybe it was a better idea to leave the instrument there. No one would come here. He hoped. And his brown cape provided some nice covering. So he ran after his lover.
His waistcoat was wide open and his shirt barely holding in place in his pants. The upper part crawling open on his chest. He was trying to put to order in his hair but he soon leave the idea of looking good when he approached the camp. The smoke was suffocating and he could hear screams in every directions. Screams of terror and screams of rage.
But when he reached the Great Oak, the horror hit him. Fire. Ashes. Bodies. Blood. So much blood...
###
This is strange how the brain always tries to rationalize things the best it could. Adrian's came out with a divine punishment for his sins. Mine is still trying to process. So far, my only conclusion is that hatred rules the world...
I recognised the armories right away but my brain wasn't registering properly what I was witnessing at first.
Temeria's army was raiding the camp. Burning down everything. Slaughtering. Some people were trying to fight back - I learnt later, speaking with survivors, that the druids tried first to stop this madness in a pacific way and tried to protect people with their magic but temerians were there to kill and nothing could stopped them - others tried to help the evacuation. I fell into the second category, not really knowing what I was doing. We were unarmed and most of us were simply artists or traders. We were acting on pure instinct, without coordination or any strategy. In front of use was a military organisated murder force...
I ran between chaotic fights and fires, not knowing where I was going. At some point, I was just trying to find Adrian in the crowd. He was my beacon. He almost miraculously bumped into me, holding his flute and a piece of fabric I didn't recognise at first. He was sobbing heavily, on the verge of panicking. He told me that his friend had been killed and that it was all his fault.
It was months later that, remembering his words, I realized that he was holding his bard's bloody shirt and that he was indeed his lover. He was just cheating on him with me and thinking that what was happening was his punishment for his deviant behaviour.
I tried to calm him down. I took his hand and tried to lead him back to our sinful hiding. I had no other instincts but to leave this place. He didn't resist me. But our flight didn't last long. We never reached the outer outline of the camp.
###
They were running through a small glade and, with a painful gasp, Adrian fell suddenly by the poet's side, almost sending him to the ground with him. Jaskier stumbled but caught himself back on his feet a little bit further. He turned round and saw the elf, laying in the ground, incoherently moving his limbs. Two arrows were sticking out of his back.
He tried to reach him but an arrow stuck by his feet, scaring him away, just before another one embedded itself in Adrian's back, pinning him like an insect in an entomologist box. He stopped moving at once.
Jaskier fell on his knees next to the corpse.
###
Some of you may think I shouldn't feel so much for a person I met just a few days ago. But when I love I am always passionate, even for the shortest time. Besides, Adrian was the first one I had some feelings for after the mountain. So I was clinging desperately onto the first glimpse of healing for my heart. I would have accepted a goodbye, even a farewell, but not this...
Ignoring the silent warning at my feet, I reached for Adrian's body and rolled him against my lap, as much as the arrows in his back allowed me to. I pushed his long golden hair away, just to see his scared eyes fixing some invisible point in the void, as death had caught him brutally.
Then I looked up, and I found the murderer smiling at me. The temerian soldier clearly waited for me to notice him and was enjoying my despair. He spat on the ground when our eyes met, then just went, disappearing between the trees, for another prey to hunt.
At that moment, I didn't understand why he didn't kill me also and I was too shocked to think. My brain couldn't understand that it was the non human only they came for. Especially elves. And they had other plans for the humans helping them... Leaving us behind was part of the first phase of their raid.
Ignoring what was coming next, I stayed there, sitting in the dirt, cupping my unfaithful lover's face as if he was just sleeping.
I was numb inside and deaf to the noise around, crying, shivering, whimpering, looking at his blood slowly covering his shirt in a carmin layer.
So this is where it all begins...
See you next week.