Author's note/ Allright! Let's go. First off this is a dark story if this kind of thing triggers you, so sorry. This is a story about death, and grief, and self blame, but it's also about moving on. Loosely based on my own experiences. I lost my best friend when we were 16. With every year that goes by i expect to forget the sound of her voice or the way her whole body shook when she laughed, but i don't. She'll always be with me in ways i still struggle to understand. Writing these kinds of stories are my way of coping with what happened. I like to share them because if by some chance someone else out there reads it, and gets it, i hope it helps. Without further ado, enjoy!
"There she is."
Sakura turns her face, hoping it's at least partially concealed inside her locker. Her cheeks burn. Which is ridiculous she should be used to this by now. The whispers, the unwanted attention, even the ill contented looks she gets everyday.
It's her own fault she guesses. The school had offered to allow her to finish out the year online. She didn't have to be here in the school. She could be at home, hiding under her covers. Crying. Pretending like nothing ever happened.
"I heard she climbed out of the car by herself before the paramedics got there-" A group of girls are gossiping so close to her in the hall, she can hear every word they say, no matter how low their voices are. "I heard she wouldn't talk, they didn't even know who any of them were when they got to the hospital. Naruto's cousin worked in the hospital and she's the reason they-"
"I heard" Another girl cut in, delighting at telling her bit. "She still hasn't said a word."
Sakura can feel them looking at her. Like she's some sort of science project, they're eager to poke and prod at. She slams her locker shut before one of them decides to try to approach her.
Maybe she hadn't said anything since. She wasn't doing it on purpose. She couldn't quite find the words. She didn't have anything of worth to say, she felt. What was there to say? It happened. Nothing she said could change that.
Sakura had English next hour, but today she doesn't feel like going. She cuts across a hallway and down the steps to the first floor. When she gets to the journalism room she shuts the door behind her. She took journalism last semester, and the teacher doesn't mind that Sakura has taken to using the back room on occasion. It's the only place she can be alone here.
Sakura tosses her bag down, not caring when it spills open. She kicks the contents until they scatter across the room further. She slides into a chair, pulls up her hood, and puts her face on the desk. She cries. Why can't they all just leave her alone? Why can't they just pretend she doesn't exist? She does her best to stay out of everyone's way. She's quiet. Meek. Docile. An entirely different person than she was last semester.
It could be worse. She knows. The students don't hate her. Not like they would Itachi, if he had lived. No. They pity Sakura. They feel bad for her, and it makes her almost wish they did hate her, at least they wouldn't go out of their way to get her attention. They invite her to parties, try to include her in the student section at ball games, and chat nonsense to her in class, no matter how many dead fish looks she gives them. Why don't they get it?
Sakura isn't interested in parties, or basketball games, and she isn't interested in being anyone's friend. Not anymore. Not ever again.
She was though. Last semester. She wanted to go to parties, and sporting events, and she had so so many friends. Her life is different now. She is different now.
She was loud, boisterous, and confident once. She knew she was pretty. She used to wake up an hour earlier than she needed to, so she could curl her hair and paint her lips, so she could properly doll up before school everyday. She liked it when the boys watched her float down the hallways in her kitten heels, especially when one boy in particular watched her. If she was honest all that primping and fuss had really only ever been for Sasuke. To get his attention, to make him see her. To want her. It was working she thought, towards the end before-
She laughs. 'If only he could see her now.' She tells herself. These days she can't even be bothered to run a comb through her hair. Her kitten heels are gathering dust in a closet, and she lives in sweatpants and hoodies. Her makeup's all expired. She's a mess.
Her parents are worried, how could they not be? She's 15 lbs underweight, doesn't speak, and never leaves her bedroom. She thinks if it weren't for her grades being so good right now, they might have forced her into one of those trauma programs they do for kids. Lock her up in some hospital until all the bad thoughts were gone.
Sakura had been an average student always, ever since kindergarten. Some A's, B's and the occasional C. Now she gets straight A's. She does every assignment until it's perfect, reads the assigned chapters weeks before they are meant to, asks for extra credit work. Anything, anything to stop her from thinking. From remembering.
Remembering the busted glass on the asphalt.
Remembering Naruto's gasping, wheezing, choked sounds as he struggled to breathe.
Remembering how small, and broken Sasuke looked in the backseat. His eyes unseeing, but his hand still clasped tightly around hers.
Remembering the blood covering Itachi as she climbed over him, to get out of the car. His blood had smeared all over her as she tried to flag down help, and later she'd had to throw away her shirt when the blood wouldn't wash out. White with little red circles, that top had been her favorite.
Remembering seeing Sasuke's beloved car bent, and crushed like an accordion from where she stood outside it. The sight had made her scream, and scream until she couldn't make anymore sound.
Sakura feels the snot, and dribble on her face and she doesn't care. She wipes with the back of the hoodie she's wearing, it's scent is overly ripe without having been cleaned for far to long. It smells questionable, but she just doesn't care. Not about anything anymore.
Sakura never blamed Itachi. Not even now. If anyone was justified to hate him it should be her, right? The only one that survived the car crash he caused. But no matter how she felt, people blamed him. She heard what they said, and it gutted her.
'He was the oldest, he should have known better.'
'Got what he deserved.'
Would they all feel differently Sakura wondered, not for the first time, if they knew they'd all been drinking that night? Easily it could have been any of them behind that wheel. Any one of them. They were teenagers, and in their minds they we're invincible. Death wasn't real to them. It happened to other people, older people.
Would they feel different if they knew Sakura had been the one to insist they leave the party when they did?
There was a memorial at the school. Itachi's name wasn't on it. Sakura could only imagine how it had to feel for their family. The Uchiha lost both their sons in a night, and only one of them was mourned by the community.
It was a mistake. An accident. Yet, people acted like Itachi had wanted them to die. Like Itachi had meant to slam the car into that bridge. It was unfair.
What was her life supposed to even be now?
Her entire life it had been the 3 of them. Sasuke, Sakura, and Naruto. They were best friends. Since they were really little.
Naruto was sunshine, smiles, and the typical jock. Sasuke and Sakura used to make signs on poster boards to hold up at his games. Most of the time they said funny things.
'Don't pee your pants, Naruto. Again!' With again highlighted and underlined.
'#7 owes me money.'
Sometimes though they were serious.
'#7 is a beast!' Featuring pictures of the incredible hulk.
'Naruto Uzumaki is football!'
Naruto was always the one Sakura went to when she wanted to laugh.
Sasuke was brooding, and dark, but that was his appeal. He didn't praise anyone often, but when he did you knew he meant it. He didn't waste his time on unnecessary words. He didn't talk just to talk. Sakura liked that about him. She liked him. Alot. More than she'd ever liked anyone. It might have even been love, but now she probably won't ever know.
Sasuke was smart. He would have been the valedictorian. The whole class knew that. There wasn't any question. Now they say it'll probably Sakura.
Sasuke was class president. Head of a few other clubs. What all others envied him for or at least the guys, was being captain of the track team. He was tall, and agile his and Naruto's bodies the opposite. All the girls in school used to come out for the track meets just to watch Sasuke run. He always seemed to find Sakura's eyes though up in that crowd. He always winked up at her before the start gun went off. Then after the race when he'd won and they gave him his medal, he'd trot over to Naruto and her grinning that rare grin of his. Sasuke would pull her over, and put the medal on her neck. He let her wear his track jacket sometimes to. It made her feel alive when it was like that. When they were all together.
They used to pile in Sasuke's car and get fast food. Always blasting their radio to loud, driving to fast, and feeding each other as they drove. It was all the more funny when they got ramen, the noodles ending up in Sasuke's floor boards. That car saw so much laughter.
Itachi hung out with them sometimes. Even though he was a year older, and a grade above them. At school he was Itachi Uchiha musical genius, but at Sasuke's house he was the cool older brother that played songs for them on his baby grand. Lots of classical, once Naruto convinced him to play Taylor Swift because he thought it would be funny but it had actually blown Naruto away. Hearing Itachi croon the sultry notes of the popstar was a memory Sakura hoped she'd never lose.
As Itachi's fingers flew over the keys, and sang.
'Say you'll remember me, Standing in a nice dress, Staring at the sunset, babe, Red lips and rosy cheeks, Say you'll see me again, Even if it's just in your wildest dreams, ah-ah, ha, Wildest dreams, ah-ah, ha'
Sasuke was inching closer to her on the couch, and when Naruto turned away, Sasuke kissed her for the first time.
She never understood it. Why he started to like her. She wasn't athletic, or incredibly smart, she couldn't play an instrument to save her life, she was just Sakura.
She wished though she could know what the point had been, though. Why had she gotten to know them, love them all so much, only to lose them all the way she had. What was the point in that amount of suffering?
Somethings in life she guessed, just weren't meant to be known. Like why Kakashi read the same book over and over. Or why Ino had broken her diorama of the roman coliseum in 8th grade.
She felt like the walking dead. Everyone around her seemed to be going forward, together. She watched them in the halls at school. Laughing and joking with their friends like she used to. But Sakura was all alone now. It felt like she would be forever.
She hadn't wanted to work on school from home not because she thought it would be harder, but because this was the place she remembered them the best, the most. Here at school. No one used Sasuke or Naruto's locker's anymore and sometimes she'd go sit next to them like she was just waiting on them to show up in between class change. It was nice to pretend sometimes, that they were just in class, or out sick for the day.
Sakura felt her pocket vibrate. She pulls her hood down to check it. A text from her mom. Telling her the english teacher called to let her know she wasn't there. Sakura rolls her eyes. She snaps a selfie of herself, and you can barely see her because she never bothered to turn the lights on. She sends it and a tells her mother she is at the school, just not in class. Hopefully no one will care. She gets special treatment from the faculty, she knows it. They don't mark her tardy when she rolls in 15 minutes passed the 1st bell, and they don't hassle her when she doesn't answer their questions or speak in class.
Her tears have run dry, and instead of putting the phone away she opens her photo app. She avoided looking at pictures for awhile, she didn't want to see their faces, but these days it's all she wants to do. Scroll through her phone and remember what it was like to be in the moment the picture was taken.
The first photo on her camera roll is also the last one they ever took all of them together. It's Sasuke, and Naruto with Sakura in between them in the foreground, the middle of the picture. Their arms slung around each other, giddy smiles, and red solo cups clasped in fingers. They were all buzzed she knows. In the background by chance Itachi was there, flirting with Izumi. His girlfriend at the time. Itachi's got a lanyard around his neck, with Sasuke's car keys around it.
Itachi wasn't going to be there that night at Rock lee's party, but Naruto had driven them and his car wouldn't start. Sasuke had called Itachi to drive them home, and Sakura can't remember seeing Itachi drink but he must have because that's what the autopsy said.
She zooms in on their faces. Naruto's teeth are shiny white like little pearls, his orange jacket was missing the zipper but he still kept it because it had been his dad's. Naruto's looking at Sasuke with a smirk, and she knows he told a joke, she doesn't remember it though. Sasuke's laughing so hard there were actual tears in his eyes. Then there's Sakura between them, her lids heavy, and her lipstick smeared, but she looks happy.
An hour after that picture was taken most of them were dead.
Sakura closes the app.
Fresh tears start to come.
...
Her mother slides a bowl of spaghetti to her at dinner, and she is thrown back in time. Little things always seemed to trigger it the most. The memories she didn't want, but also didn't want to forget.
"Come on. Just this once, you're ridiculous." Naruto pouts at Sasuke from the other side of Sasuke's bedroom closet.
There are rows of jackets, and pants hung neatly. Coordinated by their color. Sasuke Uchiha took care of his things.
"Absolutely not. You know the rules." Sasuke gripes back at his best friend.
The rule was Naruto was under no circumstances allowed to borrow Sasuke's clothes. Something about a pair of sneakers Sasuke had getting trashed in middle school was the reason for the rule. Naruto maintained his innocence.
Sakura laughs at their antics, and Naruto turns on her.
"You let, Sakura wear your track jacket all the time!" Naruto implores, eyes narrowed.
"That's different."
"How?"
"She isn't a slob like some people i know." Sasuke side eyes his friend.
"I'm beginning to suspect you have a favorite, between the two of us." Sakura rolls her eyes at Naruto's words.
"Oh." Sasuke says dumbly.
"Yeah, now don't you feel bad for hurting my feelings?"
Sasuke shakes his head. "No, let me help put your suspicions to bed though. She is my favorite." It's a joke and it's cheeky, and it completely messes with Naruto exactly like he wanted.
Sasuke jerks the jacket Naruto was hoping to wear out of his hand, and tosses it to Sakura. She laughs again. Naruto nonplussed and she stands.
"You two are going to make us late." With a look she gives the jacket back to Naruto, who looks like he's on cloud 9. The school was hosting a Spaghetti dinner fundraiser that night.
The jacket is white, and soft like a bunny. Clean and fresh like a new snow.
Sasuke scoffs at her, but doesn't move to take the jacket away from Naruto.
When they go to dinner that night, and Naruto spills spaghetti sauce all over the jacket Sakura frowns. Sasuke however looks over at her as if to say 'See what you did.'
Sakura pushes the spaghetti her mom made back. Spaghetti doesn't taste quite the same anymore.
...
It had been a year. A year without ramen, sporting events and living room concerts. A year of isolation. A year without speaking.
Sakura had visited Naruto's grave a week earlier. His parents buried him on the outskirts of town, she left him flowers, and a tiny stuffed frog she saw at a flea market.
If she could have found her voice she would have told him she missed him. Asked him things even though she knew he couldn't answer. She would have promised she would come back. She had been to Naruto's grave many times over the course of the year.
She however hadn't been able to muster up the courage to see where Sasuke was laid to rest. There was something so final about seeing a person's grave. It was admitting, really admitting you would never see them again. It was admitting everything between you and everything that might have been was gone. That was why she hadn't gone yet. Until now, she couldn't bring herself to admit it. That Sasuke was gone, never coming back, and they'd never get married like she always hoped.
When she gets to the cemetery she doesn't even have to look to find them. The Uchiha brothers. A marble statue of the two brothers embracing towers above all the other graves, at the very back.
Sakura pauses when she sees someone else standing before the statue. Obvious that he was there for them, like she was. She hoped it wasn't his father. She wouldn't know how to face Fugaku.
She approached hesitantly. Her flower arrangements in hand. Ino helped her pick them all out. The meanings symbolic.
When she's close enough the man hears her approach and her breath catches when he turns to look at her. He could be their brother. The eyes, the strong jaw, and the tall lanky body build.
The man realizes without having to ask.
"Strong family resemblance huh?" He nods his head. "I was their cousin. Obito."
Sakura smiles weakly. Nodding at him cordially. She decides to make the visit short. He watches her place the flowers for Sasuke, step back and place the other for Itachi.
"Flowers for Itachi to?" He probably recognized her then. Must know she was in the car with them. She nods her head again. "I've never seen anyone else bring any."
Before she even realizes she's speaks the first sentence to come out of her mouth in a year.
"It wasn't Itachi's fault." She defends her friend.
Obito's eyebrows rise. He looks her up and down like he's looking for something. "I never said it was." He tells her solemnly.
They stand awkward for a few minutes neither of them saying anything. Then she quietly leaves.
When she gets home, she starts to turn it over in her mind more and more. Of all the times she could have said something she never had, until now. To Obito Uchiha. Why?
...
Weeks go by. She has good days and bad. On the bad days she can't eat, getting out of bed is hard, and it becomes routine for her to ignore her phone as it buzzes and buzzes. Anyone she would want to talk to is 6 feet under, so she lets it ring. On the good days Sakura usually decides to visit the graves.
Sakura speaks a bit more now. "No. Yes. Okay." Are her go to. She still wonders what it was about Obito that made her speak out.
Then she gets the chance to finally ask him when they run into each other again. He's wearing a long coat, an Uchiha family symbol on the back. His hair falls in exactly the same way Sasuke's did.
"You live in Japan." Sakura states walking up to his side. He doesn't turn, but he drops the cigarette he'd been smoking and snuffs it out with his foot.
Sasuke had told her about his family back in Japan. The Uchiha owned a large company, ran by it's many members. Pharmaceuticals or something. Sasuke's family had moved to the States to open a branch for the company.
"Yeah." Obito answers. "Sort of."
She gives him a questioning look, not bothering to speak.
"When the accident- when it happened the family sent me out. To help the branch Fugaku started. Itachi was supposed to take it over eventually, but- i kind of go back and fourth to the head company. Not sure it's permanent, me being here."
He tells her that last bit almost as if he's warning her. Don't get to attached. She feels is the hidden message.
Sakura clicks her tongue. She's struggling to find the words to ask him or tell him at least how his showing up changed things.
She knows he isn't Sasuke. Somehow though it's still comforting to be near him. It feels like talking to a friend. It's why she spoke to him in the first place she realizes. She's about to leave having solved her own question, then for reasons she never understood he asked her to stay.
"Tell me about them." Obito says and he is older than Sakura but he sounds so much older. He doesn't sound like a young college grad, he sounds like a tired man who has already seen to much in his 2 decades around the sun. "I never had the pleasure of meeting Naruto, and Itachi and Sasuke were still small when they left Japan." He explains. "I always expected when they got older, when they joined the family business i'd get to know them again but-" he sighs. "now i just want to know who they were in the end, ya know?"
Sakura nods.
"Naruto." Her throat constricts around the name. "He was into sports."
"Yeah, he struck me as the jock type." Obito smiles. "Sasuke used to talk about him when he came home to visit, and he wrote me letters sometimes. He talked about you to. Alot."
It simultaneously makes her happy, and sad to learn that. She continues on.
"Itachi hated the piano." Obito looks shocked.
"What?"
"Oh yeah. Despised it actually." She grins. "He was really good at it, and everyone always praised him for it. That made him hate it even more because he always wanted to play a sport, but Fugaku made him focus on the piano."
"I never would have guessed." Obito scratches at his head.
She shrugs her shoulders. Sakura only knew because she'd bothered to ask Itachi once. She noticed he never seemed to smile when he performed. Itachi played for the people around him, never himself. In life he was giving, and always put others before himself.
Knowing that Sakura had used that very fact to manipulate Itachi the night they all died. She was the one who had begged Itachi with teary eyes, even as he tried to convince her to wait awhile longer.
'If i miss curfew, my parents will ground me. Itachi. They would make me miss the prom.Please. Please. Drive us back now.'
Her fault.
If she had just taken her lumps. If she had just let herself be grounded. They could all still be alive. Or even if they had left 5 minutes earlier or later. If it hadn't been that precise moment, Itachi would never had to of swerved when the deer crossed into the road, he never would have driven them into the bridge. Sometimes the what if's she came up with in her head made Sakura wish she hadn't been able to get out of that car. She wished she had just died there to.
Sakura chokes a sob back. "Sasuke was..." She doesn't even know where to begin. How did you describe the person who was everything to you? Your reason to breathe, your north star, your absolute favorite person. She bites her lip.
"I get it. If it's to hard to talk about Sasuke. I know you two weren't official, but if it's any consolation Aunt Mikoto told me they approved of you. She helped him pick a corsage out for you, he was going to ask you to the prom, ya know? Make it official."
It felt like a gut punch. She had hoped Sasuke was going to ask her. She had spent the entire scjool year hoping for it. She had spent weeks prior to the accident dropping subtle hints to him.
'Does this color go with my eyes?Or maybe it goes better with darker eyes?' When she batted her lashes up at Sasuke and forced him to look at dress options.
She even shamelessly enlisted Naruto's help.
'I'm going with Hinata Hyuga to prom.' Sakura had made Naruto tell Sasuke at lunch. 'Anyone you might want to go with?' Naruto's eyes flickering over to Sakura suggestively.
Sakura nods dismissively at Obito and the bittersweet memories. "I have to go."
She sobs the entire car ride home.
...
It becomes an unofficial routine. They meet in the cemetery every Friday evening, when the footbal games and pep rally's happen. Sakura wouldn't have gone to them anyways but it's nice to have something to blame it on.
Sometimes Obito brings coffee. Sometimes she asks if she can try one of his cigarettes. He always says no with a laugh. They share stories.
They build rapport with each other and bond over their mutual grief.
Sakura learns about Sasuke's early life in Japan, and stories only his family members would know. His front tooth got knocked out when he was a toddler, curtesy of an impatient Itachi pushing him down a slide. Sasuke used to chase chickens on a farm the family owns. All things he never had the chance to tell her.
The more time they spend together the more she opens up. The more Sakura begins to speak.
Finding her voice again is both hard and easy.
Obito makes her feel again. She starts to think she isn't so alone next to him, but then he had to go and ruin it.
"Where are you going next year?"
"Going?"
"For college."
Oh.
"Not sure yet."
"You haven't even thought about it." He accuses.
"Maybe."
"You know." Obioto begins and the way he takes a drag of his cigarette lets her knows she's about to get an earful. "It's okay to miss them. Hell it's okay to be pissed at the world, and cry, and refuse to talk. It just isn't okay to stop living. To stop caring about your future. Do you think they'd want that? To see you dragging your feet, and so miserable you don't even comb your hair or wash your hoodie?"
It's like she's been slapped.
The hoodie she has on is red and black. It was Sasuke's once. All though now it smelled much more of her than it did him, she couldn't bring herself to wash it. It was a piece of him, once she washed it, it was another part of him she would lose. She had slept in it for awhile now. Wore it a couple times each week to school. So she was the smelly kid in class now? It's not the worst thing that's ever happened to her she decides.
"Throwing away your future is as good as spitting on their graves."
"I'm not-" She flounders trying desperately to pick apart his cruel words to defend herself somehow. Then when she can't she admits it. The thing that's been weighing on her since the accident.
They had talked about alot of things, but never had they discussed the accident.
"It was my fault. That night. The crash. All of it."
Obito's cigarette has almost burnt down to his skin, but he puts his hands around his ears like he's trying to block out her admission.
"Before when you said it wasn't Itachi's fault. I never understood what you meant by that."
"Exactly what i just said. It was my fault."
"No it wasn't." He challenges.
"It was." Her voice is fierce. She believes it with every fiber of her being. "If I hadn't-"
"No!" Obito thunders at her, and she sees the relation to Fugaku instantly. His eyes have an almost red hue to them. "You can't play what if. What if i did this or that! It isn't what happened, so don't torture yourself with it!"
"But if-" she tries.
"No! No more if." Obito drops the cigarette once it finally burns him. "You want to hear the truth of it?" He shakes his head. "No you need to hear the truth. Itachi made the decision to get behind that wheel."
"But i'm the one-"
He cuts her off. "Itachi got behind that wheel, knowing he had been drinking. He put all of your lives in danger. It's an honest to God miracle he didn't kill all of you. There isn't anyone else to blame."
Obito was shaking with rage or sorrow Sakura can't decide.
"He was my cousin, my family, but it doesn't excuse what he did. I'm so fucking angry at him, and if he was standing here right now I don't know if i would hug or punch him. I know you want to blame yourself, but you just can't. You aren't to blame for what you said or did you couldn't have known, Sakura. No one could have known."
She isn't sure at what point it was that she began to cry, but she feels the wetness as it slides down her cheeks.
"I know you were all drinking that night, but you were the only one who got a second chance, just don't squander it." Obito throws over his shoulder as he leaves.
...
The next time they meet is days later.
They do not mention the previous encounter.
Sakura gives him the name of the school she's decided to attend.
Just like that she doesn't feel so alone again.
...
"Here." Obito offers up one of his cigarettes on a random whim. They are standing in the graveyard, the flowers are in bloom.
Sakura smiles. "It's good to be 18." She could only conclude it was her age that made Obito so against her smoking. Now that she's of age he doesn't seem to mind.
She barely has taken one drag before she hears Obito's shocked voice.
"Oh shit." Obito grunts out, and stubs his cigarette out quicker than what should be humanly possible.
"Wha-" Is all Sakura manages before she starts wishing the ground would swallow her up.
"Uncle." Obito greets.
Sakura's cigarette is dangling out of her mouth, she feels like an idiot under the imperious gaze of Fugaku Uchiha. She always had before and now seeing him in the flesh after all this time it's even more so.
"Sakura. What a pleasant surprise."
Sakura looks to Obito but he gives her a look that says. 'You're on your own kid.'
Sakura's cheeks burn with embarrassment as Fugaku shakes her hand.
"Mikoto and i miss seeing you around our house." He tells her staring up at the statue of his dead sons.
"I'm-" Sakura starts and fails to finish. She hd thought about visiting the Uchiha. Frequently she thought about it, but she always decided against it. Wouldn't it just cause them more pain to see the only survivor of the car crash that killed their sons?
"I understand of course." His voice is commanding and serious like always, but there's a softness to it now. "After all this passed year has been particularly hard on you as well hasn't it?"
"I'm sorry." For not visiting. For not dying with everyone else. For having a part in causing the accident. Mostly she's sorry things didn't go differently. In another life she might have called Fugaku her father.
"You would have been so good for him. For my Sasuke." Fugaku remarks and begins to trace the names etched into marble.
Sakura doesn't realize Fugaku is crying until Obito walks over to put a palm on his shoulder.
...
The last time she meets with Obito is the summer before she leaves for college.
It's raining in the cemetery and it makes the brothers statues look like they're crying.
As the day sky fell into night around them Obito tells her he's going back to Japan. Sasuke's parents have decided to close the branch and return home to be with the rest of their family.
"They'll just leave them here?" Sakura asks biting back tears for many reasons. Her eyes haven't left Sasuke's stone face since she arrived. The rain slides over the top of her umbrella, and passed her face. Obito has his hood up but it's a cloth jacket and it's soaking through.
"They aren't leaving them. They'll come back to visit. They have to move on. It's time. There isn't anything for Fugaku and Mikoto here, anymore." There isn't a reason for Obito to be here anymore either she thinks. Her eyes sting from forcing back the tears. She's gotten good at holding back her emotions. "Japan will be good for them."
"They didn't have to close the branch though, you could have ran it." You could have stayed here with me, she accuses.
"I told you I didn't know if this would be permanent." She hears the regret in his voice but it does little to soothe the ache in her bones.
Obito had brought her back to life. The little ember inside of her had been about to die out when she met him, and he fanned her back into existence somehow.
She wasn't in love with him, nor did she have a crush on him. However the thought of Obito walking out of her life made her want to scream. They had become friends hadn't they? Didn't she mean something to him? Or was she just that weird girl his cousin almost dated before he died? Had she been misinterpreting their interactions this entire time?
"You're gonna be just fine you know?" He smiles at her fondly like an older brother might have if she ever had one.
Sakura scoffs, and turns so quickly so she can shout at him closer she drops her umbrella. Raindrops glide down her face, and she feels the top of her head begin to dampen.
"How can you say that? How do you know that? Look at me!" Her green eyes dart down at her still unwashed hoodie. Her hair is knotted in places, and she is sure she will have to cut it soon. She is a proper mess.
"Grief isn't the end Sakura, and healing isn't either."
Obito pokes her in the middle of her forehead, and she feels paralyzed. She had seen Itachi do it to Sasuke on more than one occasion. Sasuke had only poked her forehead once. The very night he died.
"What does that mean?" She asks rubbing her forehead.
"It's a gesture of respect," Obito grins. "and fondness. Keep in touch kid." Obito hands her a post it with an address on it.
That night she washes Sasuke's hoodie.
It's finally time for her to move on to, she decides.
Her friends would want that for her.
...
10 years later
Dear Obito,
I hope Izumi is doing well. I enjoyed all of the pictures she sent me. Fugaku looks good as a great uncle, he seems really happy. I'm glad. Mikoto would have been to if she was still here. The baby has your eyes, but i have a feeling he might have his namesakes temper. Mikoto always talked about how grumpy Sasuke was as a baby.
I still miss him like crazy you know. Itachi and Naruto to of course. It's just Sasuke and i ended before we ever really got to begin. I'll probably always be angry about that. I think about what you told me though. 'Grief isn't the end, and neither is healing.' I'm not done grieving and I'm not done healing, I probably won't ever be, now i know it's okay. I'm okay. I know it wasn't my fault, but i think i needed someone to point it out for me unfortunately.
I never thanked you, all those years ago. I'm not sure what i would have done if you hadn't been there all those times to visit him with me. I really needed someone back then, more than you know. So anyways, thank you Obito.
Sending all of my love to the newest Uchiha, baby Sasuke. I'll take some flowers to the original sometime this week, i'll send your love.
-Sak
There comes a times when she dusts off her kitten heels, buys new makeup, and clothes. She brushes and cuts her hair. Sakura learns to take care of herself again.
Sakura attended college, she graduated with honors. She became a teacher at her high school. She insisted Itachi's name finally be added to the memorial. Her students don't know that she once had a group of friends. That they used to sit with her in these very same bleachers. Many. Many. Times. Her students don't know that when she sits in these bleachers watching her students, and cheering them on well, sometimes she forgets.
She forgets Sasuke, and Naruto, and Itachi never graduated. She forgets they never went on to college. She forgets they never got married, or had kids. Sometimes on friday nights she turns around excited about whatever goal or play just happened and her face is lit up, but it falls when she remembers they aren't there to share the moment. They would never share another moment in fact, because their stories all ended a long time ago. Their final pages written and read so long ago she doubts they would recognize her now.
Sakura pictures their ghosts sitting with her in these bleachers. It's a dark way to cope but one she doesn't rely on often.
Naruto's sneaker's are pristine, and white but he wipes them like he's cleaning them. Itachi's drumming his fingers on the wood to the sound of the school band. Sasuke with his hands in his pockets and his eyes locked on her, nudges her knee.
"Where have you been?" They ask.
Not understanding why she didn't go with them that fateful night.
But it had never been her choice not to go with them. She had not always understood that, She spent alot of her time blaming herself for not leaving with them, for not dying when they did. It hadn't been a choice of whether to go or stay. It had just been a terrible twist of fate. No one's fault. No one's choice. If it had she would have gone. Sakura knew they would never have left her either, not on purpose.
"Right where you left me." She smiles with all the love and devotion she can muster.
Maybe Sakura hadn't ever made friends quite like the ones she had growing up, but the way she looked at it she hadn't needed to. Her friends memory was kept alive, she never forgot them, she moved on but she never forgot them.
Naruto came to her in the gentle breezes of spring. Blinding rays of sunshine. In the flap of a butterflies wings, she swears she can hear his voice. 'I'm okay. I miss you.' He says.
Itachi came in the chirp of crickets, croaking of frogs, and crashing of waves. The sounds of nature became lullabies, they make her nostalgic. What she wouldn't give for one more living room concert.
Dark clouds and dreary days are Sasuke. In the light of the moon, the shadows dance, and she always sees his face.
And he winks.