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The masked man's mask crumbled under the weight of Naruto's rasengan, exposing his face for all to see.

From masked man to Obito Uchiha, said Uchiha turned his focus to Naruto Uzumaki, ignoring Kakashi's case of existential meltdown at finding out his best friend whom he thought dead was alive all these years and Guy's masturbating to the flames of youth.

"Naruto," Obito said as he raised his hand. "Join me! And together we will bring true happiness to the world!"

Naruto rejected the notion vehemently. To him, there would never be a chance in hell he would ever join Madara 1.0 and Madara 0.5!

Obito shook his head, displeased that Narito rejected his offer. If the Uzumaki wasn't going to join him in his plan to bring happiness to the world, he would put the Uzumaki in a world of despair!

"Remember that one time when Ichiraku Ramen got shut down for a week because of a termite infestation, leaving you without your special ramen for a week, which lead you to become so depressed to the point that accidentally came in public when you heard that Ichiraku Ramen had re-opened, which in turn, had you tossed in jail for incident exposure in public?" Obito asked as a viscous smirk graced his face.

Naruto shuddered. He remembered that a little too well.

He had to rot in jail for 2 months.

However, it wasn't an ordinary jail. He was sent to a Kunoichi-only prison just so they can beat the ever-loving crap out of him for being a pervert.

"Uh, don't remind me. Wait, how the fuck do you know about that?"

Obito's smirk had evolved into a shit-eating grin.

"It was me, Naruto! I was the one who tossed those termites onto Ichiraku ramen!"

"You fucking..."

"Remember that one when you tried painting the walls of your apartment, and every time, that one wall will always have its fresh paint coat mysteriously disappear, leaving you to keep repainting that wall again, and again, for almost 10 hours?"

"Don't tell me..."

Obito bellowed with laughter.

"It was me, Naruto! I sent the fresh paint coat into the kamui dimension every time after you painted that wall!"

The Kyubi's chakra had now been starting to build up. "I think I hate you," Naruto growled as he clenched his fist, his nails drawing blood from the palm of his hands as well his knuckles turned white.

"Remember that one time when you were sparring with Hinata and she Gentle fisted your balls, busting them in the process?"

"Let me guess. You must've used some sort of genjutsu on her to make her sense of vision altered, so when she thought she was aiming for my chest, she was really aiming for my balls instead!"

Ever since that incident, Naruto had lost the ability to ever father children. His biggest dream outside of being Hokage was to make a family, to make up for his lack of one his entire life. But the idea this bastard before him may have been behind it all...

"Oh no, that wasn't me. That damn Hyuga is clumsy as fucking hell." Obito responded as he started clapping. "I should've done that truth be told. You really should join me Naruto, you have a glorious devious mind."

"For the love of ramen, why am I giving you ideas?" Naruto questioned as he let out a sigh of exasperation. He then let out another sigh id exasperation looking upon the pitiful states of Kakashi and Guy.

Kakashi was still questioning reality regarding Obito being alive and Guy, he was having an existential crisis of his own.

"The flames of youth! What do those words mean? Why do I always preach those words to everyone without even knowing what it means? Why is my default character line "the flames of youth?!?!" WHY?"

"Hey Naruto," Obito called out, catching Naruto's attention. "What's going on with Guy?"

"Post nut clarity."

"I'm... I'm not going to question that."

"You really shouldn't."

Regaining his bearings, Obito opened his arms to the heavens, "However Naruto, the reason why Hinata busted your balls is that I came to her in the form of Neji and told her she can get stronger if she spars you!"

Naruto never felt the need to facepalm so hard in his life before.

"It was me, Naruto! I got your balls busted! Now the world is safe from ever experiencing the travesty that is Boruto Uzumaki!"

Naruto raised an eyebrow. "Who in the hell is Boruto?"

"No idea."

The end.