*****Hello All! I just finished playing some FFXII one night and then heard the song Underground by Cody fry and bam! This started. I'm an aspiring writer and I used to post on here as I was younger but am really trying to hone in my skills. I'm working on fixing my old stories, but this is new and the one I'm most passionate about. Thank you for reading and please if you can leave a review, I would be so appreciative! *****
The moment happened in the dead of night. The time of night that's treading the very thin line of darkness before morning strikes. She sat with her legs dangling off the edge of the Strahl. Right at the front of the ship that overlooks the towering cliffs surrounding them and the crashing waves below. This stop had been the most pleasant of the trip so far. The salty sea air. The light breeze barely took away from the blazing sun but did just enough to stop their constant perspiring.
She had his old guitar in her arms, strumming lightly, and humming a tune he vaguely recognized. It felt like a part of his childhood, but he couldn't clearly recognize a memory of it. Balthier had blocked out most of his childhood and it felt like her voice was pulling him out of a fog. He shakes the feeling away with a shiver. He watches as her hair flows freely in the wind. Down from the normal braids that she wears her hair in.
It was the moment that he really saw Panelo for the first time. As more than Vaan's pesty, overzealous, and naïve friend. He usually paid mind to himself and on occasion, Fran, so the feeling is foreign to him.
"You should be in bed girl." he finally said with a grumble to his voice.
"I could say the same to you." She didn't turn around to look at him, like he wasn't worth the effort. He felt anger bubbling up into his chest. "Well, this is my ship, that is my guitar, I'm leading the charge, and I could throw you out of the group and back on your bottom in no time." He snips. She turns her head toward him finally as her shoulders visibly tense up. He could tell even in the sparce light of the waning moon that she had been crying.
He felt a pang of remorse, but the annoyance was winning the quarrel in his head.
"If you're going to be working a job such as this, every part of your being must be ready and alert. That means getting proper rest, not dawdling with musical instruments and crying because you miss mommy and daddy." Even as he said this, he knew he was being cruel. He wasn't sure why hostility was throwing so freely.
Panelo stayed silent for a moment, and he was sure he made the young woman cry harder. But with a long sigh she stands up and walks slowly toward him. Her eyes surprised him, bluish grey, striking him with concentration for the first time. She spared no time throwing her small fist directly into his nose, knocking him to the ground where he lay in astonishment for a long while.
He heard the door shut and knew that he was finally alone. He had crossed a line; of that he was sure as he held his bruised cheek. But what line?
Finally, he began to rise, and he noticed that the girl had left his guitar against the wall by the door. He brushes his fingers against the wood frame that he once knew so well. He curled his hand around the frets, picking it up, and beginning his departure to the cabins. As he passed by the room, he knew Panelo occupied with Ashe he stopped for a few moments pondering his predicament.
He lifted the guitar and settled it against the interior walls next to the door. His own silent apology. He did not afford those without great thought.
The next morning the group had to make the decision to continue forward on foot to avoid being seen. Eventually Panelo and Balthier make a few awkward exchanges of eye contact, but it was clear her distaste for him had not faltered so he made his way to Fran. As he approached, he could tell she was suppressing a snicker at his expense. "Getting involved with the lives of Humes never bodes well for you." She states like it was a matter of fact.
And so, they start their journey across the Giza plains toward the Ozmone plains and already annoyance is etched through every bone in his body. As they walked, he couldn't shake the thought of Panelo's tear-stained cheeks. He watches her closely ahead of him. She talks to Basche and is so passionate about what she's talking about. Her arms gesture around her and Basche laughs. Rage burns under Balthier's skin at the sight.
Eventually Vaan catches pace with Balthier, prattling about one thing or another. After so long he just couldn't keep it in any longer.
"Vaan, I seemed to have offended your girl. Though I don't know exactly to what extent." Vaan laughs. "Well now that explains the nose." The young man settles down as he contemplates. "What did you say?" He asks Balthier in a serious tone.
"I poked fun about her crying about being homesick for family. Told her to toughen up." In hindsight, his hatefulness is shameful the more he thinks about it.
Vaan's eyes narrow. "Panelo is the last person that needs to 'toughen up'. But I'm sure you'll learn… just don't mention home, okay? Yesterday was her eighteenth birthday, and it was the first for us without her family since we lost them." He says drilling daggers from his eyes to mine.
"And she's not my girl. Trust me I tried but she keeps turning me down." He says with a laugh and with that he melts back into the group behind them.
Balthier is surprised by the relief he feels. A tiny flutter deep within his chests makes him uneasy as he glances back at the blonde-haired girl laughing with Ashe.
Good to know…
Days go by and you can feel tension has settled upon the group like a heavy, muggy, hot blanket. The heat, unbearable. The annoyance, palpable. The sweat… sweaty. One thing Fran had noticed was the youngling's inexperience at efficient battle. Sneaking around Rabanastre and mastering the art of petty thievery would not be enough to keep them all alive as they move into more treacherous lands.
"We should make camp here for the night." Fran stops the group. "We need to train tomorrow. There is no point in furthering our travels if we can't properly defend our party." She states bluntly. They nod in agreement and start dropping their bags in claim of their spots.
They sit comfortably around the fire as they eat the roast stew that Panelo cooks up. As Panelo looks around at her travel companions of the past month, she can't help the smile that adorns her face in the warm orange glow. After the laughing dies down and silence envelopes the group, Vaan pipes up.
"Hey princess… what's your plan for making things better back home? If Pen and I are following you to our possible deaths, I'd like to know that you plan to do some good with your power." he asks with a sharp edge to his voice. Challenging. Balthier was almost impressed. Basch narrows his eyes. "Vaan this is neither the time nor place for that!" He scowls but Ashe puts a hand on Basche's arm as they exchange a look. He leans back in defeat and sighs. Ashe clears her throat and sits up straight.
"Well, Vaan. I want to make the country self-sufficient. I want to revitalize the Ester and Westersands into habitable territories again. I believe that could help with the overcrowding of the poor in Low town." She says with complete confidence. Vaan though you can tell does not like the answer.
"So, you plan to banish the poor from Rabanastre completely, rather than fix the issues at hand? You may as well be making a new Arcadia!" He and Ashe stand, and you can see that Ashe is visibly shaken by the accusation.
"Arcadia is why there are so many scrambling for shelter. Not I. Vayne." She responds, teeth grit in anger.
"No. Even before that. Panelo and I…our families could barely scrape by. You guys started raising the taxes on everyone and everything. You'd throw these fancy parties only the wealthy could attend and meanwhile not even a hundred feet from the castle there are people starving in the streets!" Vaan is pacing now.
"My father didn't know the extent! He was so busy that most of his information came from his team of guidance! I wasn't even old enough to go outside as I chose. I was to stay within the walls and do my duty to the crown!" She's huffing in a manner foreign to herself and Vaan is feeling anger in way he wasn't used to either.
"Your duty…was to your people. Our families worked hard. They died while you dug further and further into the sand. You hid while our homes burned, and our families took their last breaths. Panelo…she got-"
"Vaan." Panelo says sharply cutting him off. "Enough."
She lays a hand on Ashe's shoulder who is silently wiping her tears.
"Ashe, it wasn't your place…come, let us take a walk." Panelo takes Ashe by the arm and shoots a pleading look at Fran.
Fran points at Vaan then down to the ground where he once sat, then proceeds into the night toward Panelo and Ashe.
Basche grabs Vaan back up by his shirt.
"You were out of line kid. If Ashe had asked, I'd have cut you down right then and there." He winds up a punch, but Balthier catches his fist.
"Do not waste your energy. They boy wasn't wrong, though his manners could use some developing." He says and Basche sighs angerly, dropping Vaan back on the ground who mutters under his breath.
They finally settle down for the night when the girls come back a couple hours later. No one says a word and they all go to sleep.
Fran points to Vaan and sends him toward Basch and to train on swords. Fran will accompany them to teach them magicks. Vaan follows his order as he and Ashe avoid eye contact. Fran then turns to Panelo.
"You will learn the ways of the dagger and magicks from Balthier. Later when you return, I will show you the way with a bow and arrow." She says with an inward smile. Sending all the quarreling Humes into combat is sure to ease the strain the viera thinks with a smile.
She had to give the blonde girl credit. She could sense her heart rate rise as well as her blood pressure whenever in the vicinity of Balthier though she did not let it show. And to her surprise, faintly, she could feel the same in him. Emotions she had never sensed from the man during all their years of traveling together.
Her partner liked to act like he was above the ways of normal humes but his heart beats just the same.
"It's in the wrist…the wrist! Damn it girl!"
Balthier didn't know how to teach, nor did he want to. Unfortunately for Panelo she could sense this making her feel more like a burden than ever. She hated that Fran paired them together. They both just yelled and frustrated each other.
She watches as Balthier demonstrates the flick of the wrist and has to hide her labored breathing from watching the muscles on his forearms flex underneath his rolled-up sleeves. The more she watched him the more she saw things about him that were appealing. The way his eyes narrowed when he was in thought. The roughness of his hands, though they were not calloused. Even the rings on his fingers. She shakes her head of the thoughts and puts her focus onto the task at hand.
Soon Panelo starts to get the hang of it. After a few more hours of blood, sweat, and hard work she has finally pinned him to the clay wall, his neck between his two daggers. With a surprising smile he wraps his hands around Panelo's hips and lifts her gracefully away from him… he had to make sure she couldn't tell how out of breath he really was. She has the natural ability of a strong fighter.
She stans confused at the obvious disgust he shows with their closeness. "You don't have to be a sore loser." She bawks out with fake confidence, ego crushed.
"Dear girl, I could have you dead in mere seconds, don't fool yourself." Balthier sneers back. A vein in his neck pulses and she knows she hit a nerve.
"Prove it. You won't, you're just a cockato-"
Balthier knocks Panelo's legs out from under her without batting an eye. She lands on the ground, but he puts his hands behind her back to take away some of the force. His whole-body weight lowered onto hers, their breath collides together, she can't help the blush creeping to her face. He breathes out and the hairs on her forehead flutter away.
He gazes down at her for a long moment and when he looks at her lips, she could swear he is going to kiss her. But he sighs and laughs, pushing himself off her body, extending a hand. She takes it, completely flabbergasted. What was happening to her?
As she lay on the ground panting, she spreads her fingers through the dry hard dirt lifting it off the ground, letting it slip between her fingers. The feeling was helping her nerves as she tries to calm her breathing. Balthier comes to tower over her, and she laughs. Adrenaline starts to spread through her body…the aftermath of being struck by lightning. He can't suppress a smile at her reaction. "Again." She demands.
They spend another hour on lightning. As darkness starts to descend on the horizon, they begin fire.
They sit cross legged across from one another. Uncomfortable and awkward they sit, unable to figure out how to start. Panelo finds it hard to focus as stars explode across the sky. Her awe never cedes even with each passing night of the same stars enveloping the void space.
"Panelo, you must focus. Fire necessitates complete focus and determination."
Balthier watches the amazement in her face and starts to trail off himself. What it must be like to still find something magical. He notices her eyelashes flutter as a shooting star passes and he sees the depths behind her eyes. They sparkle behind the glow of the fire emanating from his hands lighting up her face. A gust of wind passes through the air and her blonde tendrils start whipping with the breeze. She laughs and looks over at him finally. It feels like death is imminent by the way his heart stops beating for a moment. In a terrifying discovery, he comes to the realization that she may be the most beautiful sight he had ever seen.
As she looks around, almost like being brought down to earth from space, she zeroes in on his hands. He notices a blush on her face, but it could just be the fire, he thinks. It must be.
He feels her hands grasp his in his lap, flames growing as their hands mold together. A smile breaks out on her face, and he can't help but reciprocate. The excitement in her eyes… he remembers that feeling like it was yesterday. The giddy excitement of learning fire.
"That's exactly it. You're a natural." He states as the flames swirl around them. They're so close that he fears she could feel his heart beating much faster than it should. A fact he would take to his grave. With their hands clasped and the fire pulsing between them it feels as if they are no longer two separate people but one. One heartbeat, one breath, one thought.
It's as if there is a tightening string between them. They're inches away from each other, and he almost let's go of all restraint, but he remembers who he is. Why he is even there in the first place. He pulls away.
"Panelo…Fran will be waiting." He says to her confused face.
"Yes…yes you're right. Thanks for your help Balthier." As they stand, she looks up at him, a whole head taller than she.
"I meant what I said. You are a natural. We will keep at it." He says as he walks away.
"Yeah, I'll hang back for a few minutes. Just want to practice." She says and he nods, confident in his new student.
Panelo can hardly understand what is happening to her. New powers…new feelings. She looks up at the flickering sky. Is this how it feels to be free? To feel something new? To feel alive? Shakes of excitement rack through her body as the adrenaline starts to fade in the wake of Balthier's absence. A noise knocks her out of her stupor and when she sees Fran her nerves vanish.
"Time for bow work my dear."
"Do you ever miss your ship?" Panelo's voice pulls Balthier out of his daydreams. He had taken the back of the group as they made their way closer to the Ozmone plains. At some point she must've noticed and slowed her pace. Balthier is a little taken aback by the question. No one had ever asked him something like that before. Honestly people are usually too intimidated to ask him anything. But for some reason she isn't.
"Every second I'm away from her." She nods in understanding.
"I learned a trick I've been wanting to show you." She hovers to the side for a moment and keeps herself out of view.
"Hmm?" He hums, trying to hide his intrigue.
She turns back toward him and hands him…ice. He raises an eyebrow until he realizes its shaped like the Strahl. He holds it carefully as he turns it over to see all the details.
"I know it'll melt in just a little bit, but I don't know…I thought it was cool." She says with a small smile. Without sticking around, she skips back up to Vaan and Ashe at the front of the group and leaves him dumbfounded. He hadn't received a gift since he was a very young child.
He holds onto it, transfixed as they walk for a while more. Slowly it starts to melt and drip between his fingers until there is nothing left. The rest of the day was spent with an ache in his chest for the gift that touched him so and he didn't get to keep it unless he kept pumping it with all his magic power.
If this was him opening up, he didn't want it.
"Are you angry with me?" Panelo calls out. They had just finished an intense sparring match in which he might've gone too hard on the girl. It had been weeks and they were still just...walking. And walking. And walking some more with a little bit of fighting.
"What on earth is there to be angry about?" He asks in an annoyed tone.
"I don't know…it just seems like you are." She states, searching his face for answers that don't come. She sighs. It seems like she is back to being the pest again.
"Look, if you are to be part of the group, you must be able to handle yourself. If you can't defend yourself without getting your feelings hurt, then maybe you should just go home." He calls out. He watches her face completely fall.
She runs at him with force that surprises him, and she sweeps her foot under him, flipping him on his back. She throws his daggers into the ground on either side of his head and just like that she's gone.
Good riddance, he thinks. But even Balthier can't pretend there isn't an ache in his chest watching her retreat.
Balthier watches Vaan and Panelo goofing off together at the river. He walks through the water with her on his shoulders and the sight of her laughter infuriates him.
"Balthier, your anger is seeping through your pores." Fran leans against the same tree as he and they watch them splash each other. Panelo splashes Ashe who sits on the riverbed earning laughter from her and Basche. The two join them in the water and Balthier closes his eyes. He can't stop the thoughts roaming through his mind. Wanting to be the one making Panelo laugh…to smile.
"I wish we had never met them." he says bitterly. Fran sighs and pats his leg.
"We both know you do not mean that. Maybe the exact opposite. The girl feels for you. This you must know."
"Nothing can happen. I'll ruin her." He thinks of all the things that could go wrong. He would break her heart. It would be inevitable.
"Or maybe you are scared the hume will ruin you?" Fran says, looking at them laughing.
"I think not. I haven't needed anyone yet. I shall not start now. I have you and my ship and soon enough we'll have enough riches to live comfortably all our days. Well…maybe mine at least." He jokes. Fran elbows him on the ribs but smiles.
"I think you are scared. That is okay. But do not take it out on an innocent girl who cares for you deeply, other than I she may be the only one, thanks to you." She says and joins them in the water. He follows but only takes his boots off and puts his legs in. Panelo avoids eye contact with him, but his eyes stay on her as she plays, in only in her undergarment and pants.
He's realizing that even just being in proximity to Panelo makes him feel lighter in ways no one ever has.
As they make their way out of the river, he stops Panelo.
She raises an eyebrow at him. Wary of him, understandably so. He pulls out the wooden figure of the Strahl he has been working on as they've been walking. He holds it up to her and she takes it in her hand. She runs her fingers over it, the little details and curves, but says nothing.
"I am…sorry." Balthier finds himself stuttering. She has him trembling in nervousness. Something that has never happened to him before.
She nods and takes the figurine with her.
Later, as they finish their trek to the next area, he notices that she's had it in her hand the whole time. He smiles but plays it off when he sees Fran raise her eyebrow in amusement in his direction.
"Eat." Balthier orders Panelo as he drops down next to her on the scraggly, dry earth. He seemingly pulls her out of a daydream as she looks puzzled from the interruption. She looks at the measly toast and fruit in front of her with worry etched in her brow.
"Don't think I haven't noticed you not taking all of your share of the rations." He says with annoyance and an authoritative tone to his voice.
She clears the dryness from her throat. "I don't know what you're tal-" He cuts her off. "Save it. Eat." Still she just stares at the food. "We don't have much left."
"We'll get more soon. We're almost through these retched plains. I wish we were here during the wet season when all these ponds fill up." He says but continues when he can tell he hasn't satiated her anxiety. "You must eat. You don't get to starve yourself for the others." He nudges her shoulder with his and she picks up the bread. A light breeze flows around the two and they both sigh at the only wind they've felt in weeks.
"It's more important that you all stay healthy." She finally says quietly, taking a small bite reluctantly. He can tell she's relishing the taste though. It's been a while since they'd had enough to make an actual meal.
"And not you?" He was genuinely stumped and trying to understand the young woman's thoughts.
"Well, yeah…you guys have more to bring to the table, especially when it comes to protecting the princess." She looks sad and he doesn't like that. Not at all.
"Do you really not think your life important?" He asks incredulously, almost angry. She shakes her head solemnly. "Not in the midst of an actual princess, a magical Viera, a knight, and an infamous sky pirate." She says, watching a birds drop down food to baby birds in the tree above them.
"Dear girl, you…you are just as important as any one of us. Vaan too for that matter." He can't understand how someone so radiant and positive for others could think so badly of herself. It angered him to his core.
She pats his hand, leaving a tingling feeling in its wake. "Do not worry about me, pirate. We've got work to do!" she says with a clap, jumping up from the ground. She extends her hand and pulls Balthier to his feet.
They wander the side areas of the plain for a long while in silence, trying to grab enough wood to make an adequate fire for the night, though the area lay sparse of much that could be helpful to them.
"Do you ever miss Archades?" She asks, breaking the comfortable quiet he was relishing.
"Rarely. I was the youngest judge…ever. But I couldn't take it. The hatred…the greed. Once I left, everything came into focus. I could see it for what it had been all along. Ugly." he says bitterly. He stands in thought, memories swirling in his head. He's jolted back to reality at the sound of Panelo, right next to him. "So…no." She says looking at him. Her dry humor elicits a loud explosion of laughter from the sky pirate. She can't help the smile that spreads on her face at the sight. She liked the sound of his laugh. Deep and melodic. It made her feel special to have been the one to bring it out of him.
They turn to make the trek back to the group as the sun starts to make its way down the horizon. "What about you…do you miss Rabanastre?" Balthier asks and she's silent for a bit.
"Yes and no…I miss Migelo and Kytes. But it's not what it once was. I miss the Rabanastre it was before Archadia took over." She says quietly. Balthier nods, understanding what she means. They finish their walk in silence until they reach the camp.
Balthier makes a move to separate from Panelo when she puts the wood on the ground and places her hands on her hips.
"Where do you think you're going?" She calls out to the retreating pirate.
He looks back at her puzzled and slightly annoyed. He's not used to talking so much and it wears him out in the head.
"You're coming with me. I'm teaching you to cook!" He rolls his eyes but turns on his heel back toward the blonde. He was starting to realize that it was physically difficult for him to disappoint her. He might just do whatever she'd like, just to keep that smile on her face.
"Laaadies and gentlemen and Viera alike! I present to youuu the most delicious soup you ever let satisfy your tastebuds and hunger! Made by our very own sky pirate extraordinaire!" Panelo yells out as Balthier goes red in the face in embarrassment. Everyone snickers and looks at the soup like it might come alive.
"Sit down you ridiculous child!" Balthier seethes and Panelo just laughs along with an impressed Fran. The sky pirate who had never lifted a finger for any of their meals in their past travels…just made their dinner.
"Guys don't make that face. It's actually very good." Panelo assures them as she sits in her designated spot next to Balthier by the fire nudging his shoulder with hers. She doesn't see the hint of a smile that reaches his lips as she takes a spoonful of soup.
Neither of them knew when, but it became this natural unspoken decision. They sat together…did jobs together. It was like that had some gravitational pull between them that it seemed only Fran herself noticed.
They stop at a small traveler stop about halfway there. The group all but cheer when they find out there is a hot spring to relieve their aching muscles and real food they could purchase for provisions and dinner. When nightfall descends, Balthier finally takes the short walk to the springs after everyone had gone to sleep. As much as he'd like to keep up the façade that nothing could harm him…the stress of the trip and constantly worrying about the wellbeing of a certain blonde-haired beauty was causing his muscles to lock up. He lets down his clothing and with a sigh falls into the water. After a moment he can feel the stress melting away and into the water.
"Um…I didn't want you to freak out. I'm over here." He hears her voice on the other side of the rock in the middle of the small spring. Her eyes are poking just over the rock, and he can see her lack of clothing. And even if his lower half comes alive, he can't deny how ridiculously cute she looks. The steam was rising, causing her hair to curl and wave in a way that he had not seen before. He hadn't even realized the girl wasn't at camp.
"Why are you out here so late? And why didn't you tell the others? Do you know how stupid it is, a girl of your stature, to be in the wild, alone, at night?" he asked, eyes narrowed at her. Her head rolls back and she lets out a big burst of laughter.
"What darling, might I ask is so comical?" He couldn't believe her. But he now knows what a prize it is to be the reasoning behind that kind of laugh. He could listen to her laugh always. She swims over to him, until she sits across from him, not even four feet away. Close enough to…
"Well, I mean. Pot, kettle, black. You're out here at the same time, same place, without anyone as well. Do you think me so helpless simply because I am not a man?" She says crossing her arms just under the crest of the hot water. He can't help but notice the cleavage that it produces, and his face goes hot. So utterly not Balthier.
"Well, size alone, you can easily be overtaken. It's not a mean thing for me to say this. You are so utterly petite compared to well…everything and everyone else." He says and she blushes in anger. "I am not that small. I can take you down easily nowadays." She says and Balthier scoffs.
"Come on, even you must admit. I can hold my own in a battle now…can't I?" She asks coming closer to poke Balthier in the shoulder. It was hard for him to think straight when she wasn't exactly containing herself under the water. She sees Balthier look away and notices why, sinking farther under the water, embarrassed.
"You don't have to do that. It's not like I've never seen plethora of naked women before. It is nothing new to me." He says nonchalantly.
If cheeks could catch fire Panelo's would have melted right off.
He notices that he may have hurt the girls' feelings and tries to think of something to lighten the mood.
"So did you have anyone courting you back in Rabanastre?" She trails shapes into the steaming water, watching the small ripples fade into the rest of the water.
"Yes." She says and tilts her head up to the sky. There are many clouds, so the stars are sparse, and he can see the disappointment in her eyes.
"Is he waiting for you like in all the romance books?" He asks intrigued.
"No…he um, died." she says with a sigh, laying back in the water, rewetting her hair. "He joined the army." Sadness is etched in her voice. She wades past Balthier on her back and she seems to not care that he can see most of her body under the water at this point. Or maybe she was trying to torture Balthier for bringing up a sore subject.
"His name was Reks. Vaan's older brother." She says and Balthier catches the tiny trembling in her cheek that she attempts to mask. She takes a seat against the side of the spring a few feet away from him. She tilts her head back against the ground and smiles.
"I'm sorry for your loss. For so many of your losses." He says genuinely. The thought of the pain she has been in pains him to his core. She smiles so often, taking care of the groups' every need, helping the villagers in the small places the group passes through, helping everyone. It was something he had learned about her through their travels. The selfless way she lives her life, trying to lift every person she meets.
She turns her head toward him and smiles.
"If you could go back to any time in your life…,where would you go Balthier?" she asks and waits, seemingly hanging on to his every word.
"I have no times for games girl." he says, closing his eyes.
"If I may, you actually very obviously have all of the time in the world as this stretch of our excursion seemingly goes on forever." She says with a laugh. He's silent for a long while and she gives up, making the move to get out of the water when he grabs her wrist.
"Stay." It isn't an order or a plea. It was something in between. She sits back down next to him this time, close enough that occasionally, the water would gently push their arms together causing both of their bodies to light up in goosebumps.
"I would go back to a time before my father went insane. Before my mother died. When we were all still a family." Balthier says quietly. She nods...and turns toward him, leaning her head on her arm on the side of the springs.
"Tell me about your mother."
"My mother...my mother was strong and kind. She made me laugh until it hurt. She would sing me a song every night. That night on the Strahl…you were playing that song. I think it upset me and was why I acted so irrationally." Balthier looks at her sideways and she nods.
"I'm sorry." She says grabbing patting the sky pirate's hand. His first instinct is to pull away from such a simple but intimate thing, though he fights the urge so as to not hurt the girl's feelings once again. She doesn't offer anything else and neither does he. "I think she would have really liked you."
Panelo's heart races at this but she tries not to read into it as they sit in silence.
"Well. I'm going to try and get a little rest before we head off. You should do the same." Her voice echoes through the clearing.
Without warning, she stands up and Balthier tries his best to act normal though he knows now that he will have to wait a few minutes before going back to camp. "Goodnight Balthier." She calls out after she has her clothes on. He waves and as she is out of sight, he lets out a huge shaky breath.
"She's going to kill me I swear to the heavens."
Balthier:
Finally at long last we reach Jahara. We make a plan to take our time getting fully equipped and ready for the even longer journey ahead. I spend the morning looking at new weapons for myself and Panelo. Her weapons were old and warm and not up for the treachery that lies ahead. I sit and start to carve into the handle dragging my knife along the wood.
I watch as Panelo learns weaving from tribal members. Within a short amount of time, I've already seen her charm the villagers of whom are known to be stand-offish to humans. She shows them her own ways of mending clothing and other little things and I watch her gift some of the members with her own trinkets. Not my wooden Strahl though. That she keeps on a loop attached to her pants. She meets my eyes and offers a smile as well as a gesturing wave as she pats the blanket next to her.
To my surprise, I feel myself rising to her beck and call. I take a seat next to her as the villagers demonstrate the intertwining method of weaving. I fumble and feel the frustration rising in my chest but then I feel her hand on mine. Every hair on my body rises in a chill. She demonstrates a different way, and it clicks for me.
She claps her hands, and her bright smile is infectious even to me. We sit and weave a new bag to bring on the trip. She helps me through the difficult parts. When finished and we're left alone, she pulls out some apples from her pack. She hands me one and I nod in thanks. A villager brings us plates of steaming food to eat as well, and man do we eat.
We watch the river in comfortable silence. The sun is starting to set and on the flat terrain you can see every inch of its beauty. I glance at Panelo and she's staring at the stars that are just starting to envelope the sky.
"My father and I used to leave the city and go stargazing." I blurt out and she looks at me, just looking for a moment. I don't normally take to being openly observed but with her I don't mind it.
She turns her head back up toward the sky. She stays silent for a while but smiles. "I bet you memorized all of the patterns, knowing you." She chuckles and I smile. It feels like she sees so much. Sees me.
"Within three days." I state and I see her cheeks move and I know I brought a big smile to her face. "It must be amazing…having your own ship. To fly the sky whenever and wherever you please." She says watching a shooting start cross the sky.
"It is. Home is wherever you decide it to be, I've learned through the years." I respond raising my arms behind my head.
"I have no home anymore…the army…they made sure of that." She says and I bow my head but make sure she knows I'm listening to her. "I'm so sick of them. They come in and take everything. The burn homes. Take their pick of women. And if you want to live that day you let it happen. If you want your people to live you just say yes…even your body isn't your own anymore." She says with her head on her knees. I try to hold back my anger and I don't know how to console her. I'm not exactly the best with emotions. I place my hand on her back and move it in circular motions, something my mother used to do to soothe me. Panelo jumps a bit at the initial touch but settles into it like it's just a normal thing we do.
"I've been caged in that city for so long…I want to go everywhere…see everything." She leans back on the tree next to me, so close that I can feel her body heat. I haven't moved my hand from her back, and she makes no move to move it either.
"Maybe you can someday." I say looking down at her.
"You really think so?" She looks up at me and my heart races.
"I'll make sure of it." I say and lean my head back, closing my eyes.
"You know Balthier…you're just a big ole softie." She says and I poke one eye open at her.
"Only for you it seems, my dear." I smile and close my eye again. Soon after she leans onto my arm, and I can hear her steady breathing.
I lay there for a while just watching her sleep. I dare not move and lose the comfort I'm feeling right now. If only she knew the real me. Would she be so open with me? Would she choose to share the night with me?
I think about the way she's made me feel up until this point. The ice sculpture, the hot springs, this moment here. I've had my fair share of women but never let them get to know me, even a little bit. And not one of them ever made me feel like this. What right does this girl have to come into my life and change everything I thought I knew my whole life?
Panelo
I wake to the scent I've grown accustomed to the past few weeks. Balthier. A little snore escapes his lips and I smile, lifting my head from his chest. I blush at the thought of him staying in the same position all night, but I try not to put too much thought into it.
I leave the comfort of our little bubble when I notice the sun rising. I stretch, yawn, and brush my fingers through my hair. I head across the village to our camp and start to go through my bag when I hear footsteps that I've grown to know as well as my own. Vaan.
"You guys looked real comfy last night." He gestures with a nod to the twenty-six-year-old still asleep against the tree.
I roll my eyes at Vaan. "He was teaching me about the stars."
"Panelo…" He gets that look in his eyes that always enrages me. Like I can't handle myself.
"Save it Vaan. He would never have interest in someone like me." I say level voiced. I don't want to voice my sadness at the reality.
"He should be so lucky to even have the chance!" Van yells in a whisper so as to not wake the others.
"What would be so absolutely wrong with you and I…really Panelo?" he asks, looking up at me with that dopey hope he always holds on to. "We understand each other, we have fun and laugh, we protect each other…we're the same age." He adds the last bit with a dark mutter under his breath.
He takes a step closer, and I realize how tall he's gotten. I'd be lying if my heart didn't flutter a little bit, but I think it could be uneasiness. He places a hand on my cheek, and I can tell he's about to kiss me. "Vaan…we've been here before. I can't do anything to risk losing you. I won't." I say. He doesn't move away. "Vaan, we can't. It would change everything." I say as his lips reach mine. A part of me wants to just say screw it and kiss him back, but I stand frozen.
As he parts, I think he can see it. That it's not what I want. Who I want. We've started our journey only a few months ago, but already I can see a new future for myself. I feel that it's something Reks would have wanted for he and I. Freedom.
"We'll see." He says and turns to move but stops slightly at something in the distance then heads to his bags.
I turn to see Balthier, moving slowly toward us, hands in his pockets. He saw, but makes no indication of caring as he starts packing up his things. We thank the people of Jahara for their hospitality and board the ferry set to cross toward the Westersands. Ashe got the information here that she needed, and we have a new objective to reach. The Tomb of Raithwall.
Panelo:
The boat ride is uneventful if not awkward. Balthier won't even look at me. Vaan is looking at me too much. I'm so stressed that I tear skin away from around my nails, a terrible habit I have.
"Dear girl I can smell the blood on your fingers from across the boat. What is the stress that riddles your body?" Fran settles her forearms on the side of the boat, mirroring Panelo.
"I'm sorry Fran, I don't mean to be a bother." Panelo blushes. Sometimes she feels as if she's on a lower level than everyone else. A burden…an annoyance.
"Panelo It is not in anger I speak of this…only concern." Fran looks out towards the horizon. She is not a fan though of being parted from the land.
"I don't feel like I'm helping anything on this journey. I wonder if it would be better if I took the next ferry home." Panelo trails off and her eyes find her way once again to Balthier who is fake sword fighting with Vaan on deck.
"You are the most important part of the group dear. You anchor us together. You help keep us fed, laughing, and most importantly your positivity keeps us going. Not to mention you have become very good at magicks and a worthy opponent with a dagger and sword. You are not a burden in the least. You are a member of this group. Do not forget this." Fran says and Panelo can't help but smile in ease.
"Thank you, Fran. Traveling with you as a companion is something I am so grateful for. To learn from someone with so much experience really is an honor." She says looking off toward the incoming body of land. Fran smiles and turns to see Balthier sneaking a look at Panelo finally as she is not looking. Fran raises an eyebrow and he blushes, caught in the act, as Vaan knocks him to the ground.
"Everyone! We're here!" Panelo yells, happy to finally be back on solid land.
"Panelo spoke words of departure from the group while on the boat." Fran says as Balthier matches step with her in the sand. They've been walking through the harsh desert sun for days. They are all nearing exhaustion, but they want to make it to the entrance to the Ogir-Yensa Sandsea before nightfall. His head snaps in her direction at the news.
"Do not fret, I talked her away from it. She feels like she doesn't contribute enough." She says and he continues in silence. The sand in his boots was causing him extreme annoyance with his senses. The girl thinks she's a burden? She cooks and cleans after everyone. She fights. She wins. Could this be his fault? Is he destroying the girl's confidence because of his own issues?
He watches as Panelo holds up a heat exhausted Ashe with Vaan. Her own body covered in sunburns and blisters herself, but she carries on as always, helping who can be helped. Putting others before herself through the past two months of their travel. Basche is barely holding himself up, his bulky armor enveloping him with heat and Balthier helps him keep going.
"I'm making the executive decision to stop at the nearest entrance to the Zertinan Caverns. We need some time away from this heat." Balthier calls out and everyone visibly sags with relief. They continue for another hour before they reach an opening. They stay close to the edge, away from fiends but far enough inside to feel the moisture and cold.
"We will rest here until daybreak. The sandsea should not be too much further." He announces, falling against the cave wall next to Panelo taking a swig of his water. He hands her his canteen, and she stares at it in her hands silently. He can see her trying to decide to take someone else's provisions once again.
"Just drink the water girl. We will go refill our canteens in a bit." He says quietly without looking at her. He tilts his head against the cave wall and closes his eyes. He hears her gulp the rest of his water and hears her small, tired voice. "Thank you." She says leaning against the wall as well.
He falls asleep long enough that it's dark outside when his eyes open. He jumps up when he notices the absence of Panelo next to him, and when he doesn't see her around any of the group, he can feel his heart start to pound in his chest. He looks farther back into the rest of the cave illuminated only by the moonlight through openings at the top. She wouldn't go into the cavern without anyone would she?
He lights up his hand with fire as a means for a torch and makes his way deeper. There are dead fiends on the path and his panic increases.
"Panelo!" He yells with a whisper. He hears a crash deeper and runs toward the sound.
"Damn it!" He hears Panelo's voice but does not see her as he runs toward the sound, until he trips over something and crashes into a pile of sand.
"Fuck me!" He yells and turns back to see the culprit only to find Panelo, frozen in fear of him…but holding back a laugh.
"It's not funny you child! What the hell are you doing in the ZERTINAN caverns ALONE!" As she stands up, he has her backed into the corner. She points at the object of her frustration. Everyone's water bottles filled but dropped all over the ground, lids open from the crash. His tension visibly softens.
"I was trying to surprise you, so you didn't have to get more." She says in a tone that frustrated him to his core because he found it…sweet, all the more infuriating.
"Come on. I'll help you refill them." He says helping her pick them up. "I can go back by myself, it's okay, I promise I'm fine." She says and he feels his annoyance peaking again.
"You can't be so dense to think I'd knowingly allow you to travel alone. Yes, you we're able to kill all of these fiends alone, but you have no clue what lurks in the depths of these caves. Things that would send me running for the hills." He says. He can tell he struck a nerve but tries to add some reasoning to soften the blow.
"I can't imagine you scared of anything." Panelo says softly as she leads him back in the direction of the water she found.
"I'm afraid of many things Panelo. One of them being a dumb, cocky, kid who puts the whole group at risk to pull some savior routine to impress her equally dumb street urchin boyfriend." He feels the malice in his words but can't stop them as they spew.
"Is that what you think of me?" She questions lightly and he feels it again. The hole he digs for himself is growing larger. But that may just be the best thing for the two of them. Seeing Vaan kiss her made him realize that whatever thoughts he bore to her needed to end. She belonged with someone her own age. Someone who isn't tattered on the inside. Someone who could match her light not upset her and bring her down with him.
They arrive at the spring Panelo had found and they fill up their bottles.
"Panelo, you have to understand that you can't just venture from the group. I can't keep an eye on you if you do that." Balthier tries to bring them back to level speaking.
"You know what Balthier? Fuck you. I was just trying to help." She says holding the bottles carefully.
"Very mature. Definitely not at all proving my point. No wonder you drive me mad. You're just a child." Balthier says anger bubbling deep in his chest.
"Look I'll leave you alone. Okay? You win." Panelo says charging ahead. When they get back to the group Panelo passes the bottles out to their respective person and lays down by Fran who pokes an eye at her, then Balthier who shakes his head and runs a hand through his hair, before laying down for a very restful night of sleep.
Panelo:
"These creatures that we will encounter moving forward are ruthless. They do not have feelings. Our time here should never be spent alone. Always have a companion if you leave the course." Fran calls to us from the front of our group. We cut through the first few as we make our way onto a series of metal structures. Balthier stops me. "Here. I got you these back at Jahara." He hands me a new bow and set of daggers. He's carved my name into them. They're beautiful.
"Thank you." I say as I eye the beautiful woodwork on them. He shrugs. "We all need to be well supplied if we don't want to be a burden." He says, turning around. My face grows hot. He really knows the buttons to push. I hold back the urge to cry to show that his words don't bother me. One step forward two steps back with this man. I swear.
I notice one of the creatures get close to Balthier's side without the group noticing and I aim my bow and shoot it in the neck before it has the chance to plunge its claws into Balthier. He looks behind him and sees what I've done. He nods but just continues forward.
I can feel anger bubbling. The caverns went and made everything worse again. I should just stop worrying about this man I've only known for a few months.
We finally hit a clearing after a full day of grueling battles. As we set up camp everyone opts for quick fruit for dinner and soon after they are asleep. I take the first watch as I usually do but find myself too antsy to just sit. Creatures move beneath the water in the moonlight. I start to move in tandem with them. Dancing that once felt so natural, the flow of my hands, the roll of my neck, seem like worlds away.
"Vaan spoke to me that you wished to be a dancer and singer. An entertainer. I can see the natural fluidity of your body suiting the position." She says mimicking my movement with beautiful grace. I sit on a rock and watch her adapt my moves into something otherworldly. I feel deeply humbled but very lucky to witness it. Viera are something else.
"Why does Balthier hate me so much?" I ask boldly. Fran stops moving and looks at me with surprise in her eyes. "I do not feel hate in his body. At least for you. I feel many emotions, but hate is not even close." She informs me.
"I don't get him then. Maybe I never will." I say, a deep sigh escaping my chest as I lay my body down on the rock in exasperation. She looks at me with a weird look in her eyes.
"Dear child. You see him more clearly than even I. I believe that is his choice." She comes to my spot and gestures to my sleep area. "Sleep now. We reach the tomb in the morning. You will want to be well rested." She says and I nod. I get into my covers and have the most restless sleep of my life.
Panelo:
I've never seen anything like this tomb. Intricate patterns and architecture line every inch of the giant stone building. Ashe seems to just know which way for us to go through the narrow tunnels. We've had a few encounters with the biggest monsters I've ever seen. I'd be lying if I wasn't terrified every second that we're in here.
We finally get close to the end, but we are all in agreement to try to rest before the end of the tomb. We choose a small room that we can block off entries to. The tunnels surrounding attach to many more rooms such as this. I settle in for my first watch. I hate how claustrophobic I feel down in the dark like this. The walls seem to close in on me a little more each time. About an hour into my watch, I hear monstrous noises deep down in one of the hallways. So does Balthier it seems, as he shoots straight up and lays his eyes on my frazzled and fearful ones.
He sets down the stone hallway and I stand frozen for a moment debating on whether to follow him and cause more friction. I then decide I'd rather him hate me then to lose him. A thought that scared me to my core. I retreat toward him. A few minutes down he notices my presence behind him.
"Go back girl." He says through gritted teeth.
"Can't. Buddy system remember? You said so yourself and so did Fran. You can't go alone." I state. He turns around with a scowl. He comes toward me and pushes me in the opposite direction. I turn back around defiant.
"Damn it Panelo, go back now before I lose it." He yells in a whisper grabbing my arm.
"Why!? I think I've proven I can fight! What the hell is your problem Balthier?" I yell through my own whispered tone. "You stupid girl. You are an inexperienced, immature, petulant child who can't follow simple orders. You're just a trained thief. Goddamned street urchin!" He seethes in my face trapping me against the wall between his arms.
I try to blink back the tears forming in my eyes to keep from looking weak. I'm thankful for the minimal lighting at that moment. I turn my head away. "I was just trying to look out for you. Someone needs to." I say with a shake to my voice.
Finally, he looks down at me and it finally registers to him, the hateful things he's just said to me.
He shakes his head. "I'm…" he starts but I glare.
"You don't understand what you're doing to me." Balthier strains out and I feel my heart sink even further.
"I just wanted you to know someone cares." I say looking at him. He looks down at me. "I didn't ask for it. I don't want it!"
"That's not how that works! You don't get to decide who I care about! I can care about you if I damn well please!" I hiss out.
"God, you just don't get it! You can't come with me because I can't be responsible if something happened to you… I would not be able to live with myself. Just like in the Caverns. I was terrified when I woke up and couldn't find you do you not see that! The thought of losing you drives me so cray I don't feel like myself anymore!" He says looking at me in a way I haven't seen from him before. Pleading. Vulnerable?
"Why do you even care if I get hurt? You've made It very clear you'd be better off if I just weren't here anymore." I whisper. The pain in my voice comes out in a crack and I hate it.
He closes his eyes and sighs. When he opens them, I feel as if something has shifted. His lips are inches from mine.
"I haven't a clue, my dear girl…" My face drops a bit. But then I hear it, barely over a whisper.
"or maybe I do but I don't dare say it." My eyes widen with surprise…then understanding.
With that, he presses his lips to mine in a pleading, passionate, release of feelings. This isn't like Vaan's kiss. Chaste and unwanted. This feels like fire and confusion and desperation. As his tongue enters my mouth, I feel something I've never felt before. Heat throughout my whole body. My lower body aches for the man. I lace my fingers through his reddish-brown hair and tug gently.
His hands grab underneath me, and he lifts me up, wrapping my legs around his waist. A small moan escapes my lips as his lips latch onto my neck and he groans at the sound. I pull his mouth back to mine. I feel like I might pass out from this newfound feeling.
I need this man like I've never needed anyone before. I feel tethered to his every movement and sound. He is the perfect mixture of give and take…at least with this and I'm sure that's from experience though I feel blinding rage at the thought. I tug at his hair again just slightly and that seems to be a good thing from the sound of it. He presses even closer to me, and I feel…him. He wants me. And God knows I want him.
With a groan all of the sudden, he drops me and pulls away like I've burned him. He looks at me like he wants to devour me, but I also see disgust and it surprises me.
"What? Did I do something wrong?" I ask.
"I'm a fucking monster. You're but a mere child." He says pacing the hallway.
"Balthier, I am eighteen. I'm not…you must understand that I'm not innocent. I'm an adult woman who is choosing who she wants to be with after years of not having a choice in the matter." I say confidently but a lump forms in my throat against my will. Balthier looks like he could kill someone.
"I wish… god I hate that that happened to you." He comes close and wraps me in his arms and I sigh. The only time I've ever felt fully safe is right here in his arms.
He wipes the tears from my cheeks that I didn't even know had started. I smile. "So, you see Balthier…I am not a child. I haven't been in a very long time. And I'm choosing you. Okay?"
I go to untie the straps of my top. He drops his forehead into my shoulder and groans. "As much as I want to undress you right here…make you feel how you deserve to feel…I can't. You deserve so much more than a dark dusty tunnel in a tomb. So, I promise you as much as it pains me…and god it does…I think we must wait until I can find that perfect moment and place for you. Okay my dear? Then I will make you remember only our time together, nothing else." He says looking down at me with a look I'm not used to in the least. He helps tie my top back together and lays a kiss to my shoulder. Suddenly my heart is beating faster than when we were kissing.
"Okay." I smile.
Balthier:
Panelo stays near me as we make our way out of the tomb with our newly found treasure. We're all a little bent and bruised but still intact. Panelo took a few big blows in protection of Ashe and I make sure to watch her closely as she limps her way next to me. We've all spent our magic power and must rely on our instincts until we find somewhere to rest and heal.
We make our camp on the entry way of the tomb. Thankful for the fresh air we all settle into our blankets as Vaan takes the first watch. Panelo takes my hand once everyone else is asleep and I rub her palm with my thumb. Once her breathing deepens, I finally let myself rest.
"Balthier!" I jolt awake to the sound of Panelo's frantic voice and Ashe's screams.
As my eyes adjust to the dark, I run toward the sound of Panelo's screams as she's pulled up into an Archadian airship alongside Ashe.
"Panelo!" I scream after them but I'm not quick enough. They accelerate away as I hear a large airship appear above us. I kick the air as we get overtaken by soldiers.
We've been placed in the Henne Mines for days. They're keeping us in between entrances that are barred. I shake the bars the best I can, my mind in a frenzy. I can't even bother to hide my it from my companions. "It is of no use. It is powered by strong nethecite." Fran tries to explain to me, but I feel as if all logic has left my mind.
"Anything can happen to them Fran. To her…" I say desperately.
Days pass by with us locked in a cage inside a cage. Finally, footsteps appear. Two guards push a disheveled Ashe through the gates. Blood had leaked from her nose at one point and she has bruises along her body.
"Princess! Are you alright!?" Basche's panic mimics my own now.
"I am…alright. Panelo she…made them to believe she the princess and not I." Ashe hangs her head and won't meet my eyes. Vaan yells and punches the gates.
"Did you get any information that could help us?" I ask. I try to level my voice to not show my true feelings.
Ashe looks at me hesitantly. Fearfully.
"They're taking her to Archades. They're taking her to Vayne."