Disclaimers: Naruto is someone else's, this is purely a fanfic using someone else's characters.

Warnings: This story includes strong language, graphic adult themes, violence, angst, a good friend, and eventually yaoi love.

Hard to Read:

Chapter 13

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Sasuke let his hands fall to his sides, but he stayed close to the blonde, keeping him trapped between him and the wall. He didn't want him to run off. Not yet. He needed to know what the hell happened.

Sasuke stared at him, mortified. "Itachi actually ra-"

Naruto suddenly shoved him, hard. "Don't ever fucking say that word to me" he snarled.

"It's true though.. isn't it?"

Naruto looked away, and remained silent.

"When..?" Sasuke breathed. "What did he- I don't understand.." He stared at Naruto. "Why would Itachi do this?"

"God, Sasuke. Isn't it enough to know that it fucking happened?" Naruto looked away, struggling between rage, pain, and embarrassment. "Do you really need me to relive every fucking detail for you? What is it that you want to know so badly?!"

He could feel the anger rising- at Sasuke for making him remember, at Itachi for hurting him, at himself for being powerless to stop it. With a burning rage to mask his shame, Naruto stormed up to Sasuke, and pushed him again, forcing the Uchiha to stumble back.

"Go ahead Sasuke- what do you want to know? What he said to me? What he did to me? How many fucking times it happened?! Or do you just want to know what it's like to FUCK ME!!?!"

Sasuke punched him across the face, sending Naruto reeling to the floor. He bent down, grabbed him by the shirt, and pulled him up to face him. "How dare you fucking say that me!" he screamed at him. "Do you honestly think I get off hearing shit like this?! He's my brother, Naruto. And what he did to you.."

He turned away. "If you think this isn't painful for me to hear, then you don't know me at all."

Naruto pushed him away. He held the back of his hand against the reddening spot on his face where Sasuke had hit him. "I didn't want you to hear this. I didn't want anyone to know any of this! But you wouldn't just fucking let it go!!"

He lunged at Sasuke knocking him to the floor. Naruto punched him in the stomach and rolled on top of him. He grabbed his arms and forced them to the ground, staring down at the Uchiha.

"Of course I couldn't let it go!" Sasuke snarled up at him. "You tried to kill yourself! What- I shouldn't try to find out why?"

"FUCK YOU, Sasuke! You have NO idea what I have been through and you had no fucking right to ask me about any of it!!"

Sasuke growled, jerked his body to the side and rolled himself on top of Naruto, pinning him down, ignoring the flash of fear in his eyes. "So what do you want me to do, Naruto?" He leaned closer, dark eyes locking onto the deep blues he so often wanted to lose himself in. The same ones that only looked at him with fear and anger now. "Pretend I don't see it? Let you suffer alone? And then what? Step to the side while you fucking kill yourself?"

Sasuke's jaw tightened. "I'm not going to let you be alone with this anymore."

"You left me alone for a long time, Sasuke. It shouldn't be too hard for you to do it again."

Sasuke's eyes narrowed. "Lash out all you want- I'm not going anywhere."

Naruto looked away and tried to push him off of him, but the Uchiha wouldn't budge, sending an involuntary rush of panic through him. Sasuke grabbed his chin and turned him to meet his eyes again. "And as long as that blood seal stays, you're not going anywhere either."

Naruto glared at him. "How long do you plan on keeping me here?"

Sasuke looked down at the irate blonde, watching him push down the fear, struggling to hide the worries that were written so clearly across his face. "I don't know, Naruto" he said, studying him. "Maybe I'll never let you leave.."

He lifted himself off the blonde and pulled him to his feet. Naruto stumbled away from him, walked to the front door, and threw it open. Then he dropped down onto the floor in front of it, pulled his knees close, and stared out at the small clearing, the dense forest, and all the things beyond it that were completely out of reach.

How long is Sasuke going to keep me here, he wondered.

.. and what happens when I do finally leave?

"Still no sign of him?" Kakashi asked for the hundredth time that week.

Sai shook his head, feeling a strong sense of failure towards his fruitless efforts. And a deep concern for his friend.

Over a week has gone by since Naruto's disappearance, and nothing. No trail to follow, no signs, no witnesses- it was like Naruto had simply faded away. And other people had finally taken notice. It took Sakura a few days to care, which Sai discovered was something that made him feel a lot of anger towards her. It never would have taken Naruto that long to notice Sakura was missing if their roles were reversed.

Sometimes Sai felt like he was the only one who actually saw Naruto. The real Naruto. Often it felt like no one really noticed who he was or how he felt. It made Sai want to find him even more. He wanted to show Naruto that someone did care about him- cared enough to notice when he was hurt or scared, and truly wanted to make him happy again.

Sai tried so hard to understand how people feel and how to respond to those feelings. He read up on human emotions all of the time, asked for advice, did his best to follow social cues, mimicked behaviors he observed in others.. He really was trying.

And so far, the only one who seemed to notice.. was Naruto. That is why Sai wanted Naruto to see him as a true friend. Maybe.. he thought to himself, maybe even a best friend. Because that was what Naruto had become for him. To be honest, he was Sai's only friend. But there was a barrier between them, one that often got in the way of them having a true friendship. Naruto had built walls around himself, and Sai hadn't been invited into them yet.

After a lot of research, Sai was able to determine that this made him feel deeply saddened and rather jealous, because he knew that Naruto would always bring those walls down for Sasuke. Even when he no longer deserved it. Sai knew he could never replace Sasuke. He just wanted Naruto to see him too.

And he strongly believed that this was his chance to get Naruto to do just that. If I find Naruto, he might come to see me not just as a comrade, but as a true friend. People who help others when they are in trouble- those are people we come to rely on and they become a part of our inner circle.

If I save my friend, maybe I'll get to be his friend too.

That was Sai's motivation. It was why every morning he scouted a perimeter further and further out from Konohagakure. Why he used up his chakra spending the entire day, and well into the night, searching with his ninja art and running himself ragged doing so.

He would not give up on Naruto.

I'll find you, my friend.

I promise.

Author Note:

Yes, there is a line in here that I used in another story. In my defense- it's a fucking powerful, and upsetting, line. It deserves more than one spotlight. If you're not sure what I'm talking about, pretend I didn't say anything ;)

I feel like I got a little rambly at the end there, but hopefully it didn't pull you out of the story too much. As always, thank you so so so much reading (and to the amazing people commenting- I seriously appreciate your love & feedback. Means a lot.) I hope you are enjoying my fucked up tale and that you plan on sticking around for more. Xoxo~