Chapter 5

"What are you up to?"

"Thinking."

"About?"

"The homework my therapist gave me."

"That explains it." Blake gives a small nod and continues making her way towards the door, grabbing her keys.

"What do you mean?" Weiss turns around from her spot on the couch, to see what Blake is doing. "And where are you going?"

"You looked like you had zoned out while in the middle of an existential crisis. And I'm going to the office."

"On a Saturday?"

"Yeah. I forgot to send my edits back out yesterday and if I don't do it before Monday I'll miss my deadline. So I'm just going to take them in."

"Can I come with you?" Something about the desperate hope in Weiss' voice hits Blake in a soft spot.

"I guess." She shrugs and shifts the box she was carrying under one arm so she can open the garage door.

Weiss scrambles to put on her shoes and her jacket and get in the car.

"Is there anything you need to do while we are out?"

"Not really. I ran all my errands during the week. So I'm all set." Weiss straightens up in her seat.

"So, how was that homework going?"

"I'm not sure."

"Anything I might be able to help with? If you're stuck, that is. I don't want to intrude." Weiss notices how quickly Blake seems to pull back, like she had overstepped.

"Just like the old days, trying to help me with my homework, huh?"

"Well I mean, it worked out for me didn't it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Before that, you literally couldn't stand me. You went out of your way to avoid me."

"I did no such thing."

"Oh please, I caught you walking around the entire building, in the pouring down rain, so that you didn't have to walk with me between English and chemistry class."

"I forgot about that."

"Uh huh. And the only reason you agreed to even do homework with me was so I could help you proofread your mid term paper because you were petrified of getting an A minus."

"You also gave me your jacket because I had been wearing a light grey shirt that day so my shirt was basically see through after walking through the rain."

They fall into a lull in conversation. Which gives Weiss some time to think back on a lot of little times where Blake had been inexplicably kind to her, even when she was no where near deserving.

She likes to think their friendship started with that jacket. It was dark purple. A zip up hoodie that Blake wore often, back then.

But she doesn't remember ever seeing her wear it after that. Did she ever give it back? She didn't remember.

"You going to come in with me, or just chill in here?" Blake asks, leaned over, looking through the opened car door at Weiss.

"Sorry. I was-"

"Thinking. I know. Come on." Weiss gets up and follows behind until she catches up with Blake.

"Are any of those good?" Weiss asks, nodding towards the box of manuscripts Blake has clutched under her arm.

"Depends on your definition of good, I suppose."

"Like, would you read any of them if you didn't have to?"

"Maybe one or two. But they are all well written and interesting in their own ways. You know how it is." Blake looks up from the box to catch Weiss looking at her. "Just because the book is good, doesn't mean that everyone wants to read it."

"Are you talking about the books, or something else?" It sounded like Blake was making an insinuation of some kind but Weiss wasn't sure which one of them it was directed at.

At this point, Blake was already a few steps out of the elevator and on the way to her desk.

"Um. The books. Or whatever." She sets the box down on her desk and starts digging in her pocket for something.

While Blake fumbles with some keys, that she is trying to use to open a door adjacent to her office, Weiss takes the opportunity to check out Blake's office and see what she had set up in her space.

Since Blake rarely came into the office for work it was incredibly minimal. She had some office supplies that were similar, yet more basic than the ones she had on her desk at home. On the right side, near a small mail shelf, there was a framed photo of her with her parents. It looked like it was from a few years ago. Blake's hair was longer, and if Weiss remembered correctly, it was from a dinner where they celebrated Blake's promotion to executive editor.

On the left side, there was a holder for writing utensils and a phone that seemed to not even be connected to anything. But what surprises her is the other photo sitting on Blake's desk.

It was a picture of the two of them. It was older than the one on the opposite end of the desk. It looked like it was from some event they attended in college. Blake was dressed down, with a T-shirt and jeans. And Weiss had a blouse and jeans on, which was normal attire for her at the time.

Weiss is smiling and Blake is laughing. Weiss' legs are swung over Blake's lap and Blake is resting her arm across them, just below Weiss' knees.

College had been a good time for them. They had been roommates then as well, with Yang.

It was probably the best time of their lives, until Blake had met Adam, and things got weird. It had caused a big rift between Blake and Yang, that she wasn't sure would ever fully repair itself. And naturally, in the fallout, Weiss had remained loyal to her friends, but Yang had felt that she sided with Blake over her. But Yang was much more forgiving of Weiss, given her love for Winter.

"I would say take a picture it will last longer but you know, it's already a picture so…"

"Sorry I wasn't trying to snoop."

"I know. It's not like there is anything here to hide anyways." Blake shrugs and grabs the box off her desk and takes it into the office she had finally gotten open. "That was all I needed to do. Velvet said she will handle the rest for me. Ready to go?"

"I miss this." Weiss says quietly, brushing her fingertips over the edge of the photo frame.

Blake looks down, knowing that all the things that happened to their friendship after that were all due to the decisions she made. And she wishes that those moments weren't something Weiss had to miss at all.

"I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for." Weiss says, with certainty in her voice as they step back into the elevator.

"I'm the one that ruined everything. It was me, making the wrong decisions that caused the problems we went through."

"The way Yang chose to handle things was her own choice. You aren't responsible for that. And I didn't go anywhere, and I won't. Regardless of what happens."

Blake looks after Weiss as she prances herself, in a way that only Weiss could, out of the elevator into the parking garage.

"I know."

—

"So, Weiss, have you given any thought to the homework I gave you during our last session?"

"Many thoughts actually."

"Tell me about them."

"My thoughts?"

"Absolutely."

"What about them?"

"Whatever you want to tell, or we can talk through it out loud, if it helps. You drive."

"Well, for a few days after I left here last week I was so concerned with observing my every move. Over analyzing everything I did. Trying to figure out what I deemed most important."

"Then what happened?" Weiss notes that unlike that she's seen on tv or concluded from preconceptions that Dr. Goodwitch is just listening. Not writing down anything, not treating their conversation like an experiment. It was oddly comforting.

"Then I went to a barbecue at my sister's house and her and my friend Yang announced that they are engaged and so it kind of made me forget about the homework and it took me a few days to get back on track and remember that I had work to do. So then I spent the rest of the time up until now, trying to discern what single thing was most important to me."

"And did you come up with any results? Doesn't have to be your final decision."

"I mean sure. I thought about my business, qualities about myself that I deemed more important. Items that I own. People I've met and memories I've made. But I struggled to settle on something. It was like every time I got close enough to what I was looking for, I would turn around and it was ten steps further than before."

"So talk me through it. What brought those things up in your mind?"

"Obviously my business is something very special to me. I busted my ass to get out from underneath the shadow of my parents and their money and power and do things completely on my own. And I wouldn't have been able to do any of it without my friends supporting and believing in me."

"Right. Makes sense. A creation of your own, that is founded on and growing successfully on the basis of your own ethics. It is definitely something to be proud of."

"Thank you." Weiss can't help but straighten up in her seat, her pride growing slightly.

"But it's not the answer to our question, is it?"

Weiss deflates a little, and chews on the inside of her lip.

"No. Because I think deep down, I know that if I woke up tomorrow and it was completely gone, I know I could start again. I could do it again."

"Let's look at this from another angle. Tell me. If you woke up tomorrow and something was missing, something you could never see again. Something that can't be recreated. What is as much a part of you, as you are? What would break you if you lost it?"

As Dr. Goodwitch riddles off these hypotheticals, Weiss begins to feel as though someone is squeezing her heart inside of her chest in a vice grip. Like there's a rock in the back of her throat. And she says the only thing that's on her mind.

"Blake."

"Who is Blake?"