Thank You, Heavenly
Theme Song: "Let It Roll" by Divide the Day
SEASON 9
EPISODE 10
Air Date: May 14, 2023
"Lost One"
Special Guest Stars: Larisa Oleynik as Denise
#TYH910
SCENE 1
The Saleh Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
Jaylynn is with Anja at her place.
ANJA: Wait, are you sure there wasn't some misunderstanding?
JAYLYNN: No, dude, I heard everything. Her friends were making fun of me and she just laughed.
ANJA: That doesn't sound like Gilcania at all. Maybe there's something else you're not seeing.
JAYLYNN: What could that be? Gilcy has beef with me. I know she does. Ever since the school year started, there's been this unspoken tension between us.
ANJA: Do you remember having a fight with her or something?
JAYLYNN: Nothing, nada, zero, sin altercados. We've been cool for years, but now, that's changed.
ANJA: I really think you should talk to her about it.
JAYLYNN: She'll just deny it. Besides, I don't want to talk about it.
ANJA: That doesn't sound like the Jaylynn I know.
JAYLYNN: This is different. It's Gilcania. She's like family, and I don't want to fight with my family.
ANJA: Haven't you had issues with pretty much all of your friends at some point?
JAYLYNN: Gilcania is different, she just is.
SCENE 2
George Meyer High School
Interior Hallway
Seattle, Washington
Rodney and Trevor walk through the halls.
TREVOR: Hey Rodney, could you take a look at my paper?
RODNEY: I'm not looking at another paper that you only wrote five sentences for.
TREVOR: No, no, this one is the real deal. This might be my best work yet.
Rodney takes Trevor's paper.
RODNEY: "Highlighting the Sexual Tension of Zootopia." I don't think I want to read this.
TREVOR: Okay, but you have to admit, the title is provocative, right? It makes your eyes pop out of the socket.
RODNEY: You need serious help, man.
Rodney and Trevor walk up to KG.
TREVOR: Hey KG. Rodney said he didn't want to read my paper. Maybe you want to?
KG takes Trevor's paper.
KG: Could you print out a copy and give that shit to me immediately?
Trevor takes out a copy from his backpack and gives it to KG.
TREVOR: Already have one, buddy.
RODNEY: You're really going to read that?
KG: Dude, I have to. Anyway, I was thinking about Denise's birthday and what kind of party we should throw. A small, intimate get-together or a reckless blowout that will get us in trouble with the cops?
RODNEY: Have you met Denise? Do the get-together.
TREVOR: Or you could do the get-together in the beginning, then the blowout for the cool kids.
KG: That could also work. What about guests?
TREVOR: We could invite Rodney.
RODNEY: Why would I not be invited to my friend's party?!
TREVOR: Rodney, calm down. How close are you and Denise anyway?
KG: I think we're going to need some people to fill up the room. Maybe RK and his friends could come.
TREVOR: Man, I don't wanna party with little kids. I'm not a pedophile.
RODNEY: But you're a writer of a paper involving cartoon characters having sex.
TREVOR: Rodney, shut up. I'm going to get scoliosis from you having your foot on my neck all the time.
KG: Look, it's just a way to fill up some space.
RODNEY: Okay, but whatever you do, don't invite that Sparky kid.
KG: Oh yeah, you're right. F*** him.
TREVOR: He's a little boy, what did he do?
RODNEY: You remember what he said about Denise?
TREVOR: Oh yeah. And his talking blender almost got us in trouble with Steve from Blue's Clues. To hell with him.
KG: Wait, what happened with Steve from Blue's Clues?
RODNEY: It's a long story. We whored ourselves out for money that we never got.
SCENE 3
Craig Bartlett Junior High School
Interior Hallway
Seattle, Washington
Jaylynn looks at Gilcania talking to her friends while she conceals her face in her book.
BUSTER: Jaylynn?
Jaylynn screams as she tosses her book up in the air, then turns around to face Buster.
JAYLYNN: Dammit, Buster, if you were anyone else, I could have ended your life.
BUSTER: But I'm not anyone else. I'm Buster.
JAYLYNN: You wanted something?
BUSTER: I don't know, you seem kinda distracted lately. Like something's bothering you.
JAYLYNN: There is. It's Gilcania.
BUSTER: Oh my God. I can't believe this.
JAYLYNN: I know. It came completely out of nowhere and now, I have no idea how to handle it.
BUSTER: Look, Jaylynn, you can't help how you feel for someone. But Gilcania's not going to feel the same way.
JAYLYNN: Wha-what?! You think that...ewww, gross! What's the matter with you?!
BUSTER: I thought that you had a crush!
JAYLYNN: On Gilcy? No, absolutely not. You're demonic.
BUSTER: So, what's the problem?
JAYLYNN: I don't think she wants to be friends anymore. She's ignoring my texts, not answering my calls. She barely talks to me in school, and the other day, her and her friends were making fun of me.
BUSTER: Really?
JAYLYNN: I saw it with my own eyes, two of them. But I'm too scared to talk about it because then, I won't get the answers I want.
BUSTER: Maybe I could talk to her for you.
JAYLYNN: You would do that?
BUSTER: Of course. Sometimes, we make ourselves think things are bad when they're really not. Gilcania just needs to know how much you miss her.
JAYLYNN: I mean, it would definitely help. Thanks Buster.
BUSTER: You're welcome. But just to be clear here, you haven't had any...weird dreams about anyone lately, have you?
JAYLYNN: I don't have a crush on Gilcania!
BUSTER: Okay, okay, just checking.
SCENE 4
The Maria Household
Exterior Entrance
Seattle, Washington
Buster tries to walk into Gilcania's house, but the door is locked.
BUSTER: Did she get robbed or something? I can't get in if the door's locked!
GILCANIA (O.S.): I think that's the point, boo-boo.
The camera pulls back to reveal Gilcania with bags of groceries in her hands.
GILCANIA (CONT.): It's been a while, Buster. Allow me.
Gilcania takes a key and unlocks the door, then opens it.
BUSTER: That's amazing. Where can I get one of those?
SCENE 5
The Maria Household
Interior Kitchen
Seattle, Washington
Buster sits at the kitchen table while Gilcania unpacks her groceries.
BUSTER: So, you and Jaylynn, what's going on?
GILCANIA: Honey, there's nothing going on with me and Jaylynn. I wish her the best and I know she wishes me the best.
BUSTER: But you two have been friends for years. Now, she feels like you hate her and want her killed.
GILCANIA: Is that really how she feels?
BUSTER: I'm paraphrasing, but it's pretty close to how she feels, yeah.
GILCANIA: Look, we're in a new school now with new people to talk to. Some of those girls, I knew before I graduated. Does she not want me to have other friends?
BUSTER: No, but ignoring her doesn't help, either. I know Jaylynn. If she feels a certain way about something, she's not going to let it go until it's dealt with.
GILCANIA: Maybe she could let this go. Spend some time on other things. Treat herself. She could do that, no problem.
BUSTER: Gilcy, I'm confused. Do you not like Jaylynn anymore?
GILCANIA: No.
BUSTER: Do you still want to be friends with her?
GILCANIA: Sure.
BUSTER: So, stop being weird and just talk to her.
Beat.
GILCANIA: You're right, Buster. I'll let her know we can meet up and maybe we can hang out one of these days.
BUSTER: That's what I'm talking about. See, you don't want to throw people away so easily. I remember in first grade, I had this friend named Tom. He was really cool and he always had extra chocolate pudding on him. One day, he made fun of my owl drawing and I slapped him, then I told him to never talk to me again. I tried reaching out over the summer, but it was too late.
GILCANIA: Why? He died?
BUSTER: No, he moved away. And nobody's heard from him since. You know what? He probably is dead, let's just call it what it is.
SCENE 6
The MacDougal Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
Sparky watches TV when RK walks in.
SPARKY: Hey RK.
RK: Look, man, I wasn't supposed to say anything, but I just don't think this is right. Are you sitting down?
SPARKY: Yes. As you can clearly see since you're right in front of me.
RK: Right. Right, why did I say that? The f*** do I smoke at times?
SPARKY: Hey, buddy, the thing you wanted to talk about?
RK: Sure, sure. Anyway, Denise is having her birthday.
SPARKY: Wait, who's Denise?
RK: Denise. KG's girlfriend Denise.
SPARKY: Okay. I only know Trevor because he prank called me once when he was high. So, Denise's birthday?
RK: Yeah, she's having her party, and KG and his boys are in charge of the guest list. But he said you can't come.
SPARKY: Why would I expect to be invited to a party for some girl I barely know?
RK: Because they invited all of us and not you. See?
RK shows his party invitation and Sparky takes it.
SPARKY: Wait, they're going to have goodie bags?
RK: Yes. The nerve of those high-falutin bastards.
SPARKY: What's your brother's problem with me? I've never done anything to him and he treats me like I'm a virus.
RK: I don't know, man. I told him this wasn't right, I told him. And as a show of solidarity, I'm not going to Denise's party.
SPARKY: You should go.
RK: I can't go. KG snubbed you. Who does he think you are, The Weeknd?
SPARKY: Maybe, but KG and his friends made that guest list for a reason. If they don't want me there, I don't want to be there.
RK: Sparko, you know that this can be challenged. I can fight this.
SPARKY: It's okay. I'll live.
RK: You're a strong kid, my friend. But don't worry, this isn't over. You'll see.
RK leaves the house. Sparky turns to see Bitch Clock peeling an orange near the kitchen.
BITCH CLOCK: So, you're getting iced out, huh?
SPARKY: How many times do I have to tell you to stop eavesdropping? It's invasive and creepy.
BITCH CLOCK: If I make my presence felt, you guys will turn your attention to me. I mean, I know I'm the king of commanding attention, but I'm trying to get intel here.
SPARKY: Sure. I guess I don't need to replay the conversation for you?
BITCH CLOCK: Nope. Personally, you should forget about RK's brother. He's a bum, he's not worth impressing.
SPARKY: But I didn't do anything to him. And now, he's keeping me away from a party? It's not fair.
BITCH CLOCK: This whole world isn't fair. I knew that the day the tax man chose to go after Shakira. God forbid someone sends that sexy woman to jail.
SPARKY: Well, if they put her in a cage and lock her away, then she'll play the games that they want her to play.
Beat. Bitch Clock blankly stares at Sparky.
SPARKY (CONT.): Hey, she said it. And I'm not letting this KG thing go. I just have to sit him down, clear up any misunderstandings, and we'll be cool.
BITCH CLOCK: Sure, that could happen. At the same time, why don't you pay Shakira's taxes? Since, you know, we're both not letting things go.
SPARKY: Whether she's convicted or not, she'll never want to be with you.
BITCH CLOCK: She doesn't know who I am yet! Once she sees me, it's over.
SCENE 7
Craig Bartlett Junior High School
Interior Hallway
Seattle, Washington
Jaylynn is at her locker when an older-looking girl walks up to her.
DINA: Hey, are you Jaylynn?
JAYLYNN: That depends. Are you with the FBI? Bill collector? Because it's really creepy to harass me here at school.
DINA: I'm Dina, one of Gilcania's friends. She wanted to let you know she's interested in meeting up.
JAYLYNN: Why would she send you? She can't tell me that herself?
DINA: She was busy. Just call her and you guys can go play baseball or whatever the f*** it is you two do together.
JAYLYNN: Play baseball?
DINA: I don't know you like that! Just call her any time after seven and make plans. It's that simple.
Dina leaves and Buster arrives.
BUSTER: I don't think I like using the boys bathroom anymore. Nobody ever cleans it.
JAYLYNN: That was so weird. One of Gilcy's friends walks up to me and tells me to call her after seven because she wants to meet up with me.
BUSTER: Maybe she was busy and couldn't tell you herself.
JAYLYNN: Buster, I was in a group with that girl for years. I know where she lives. I don't need to make arrangements with her like she's some high-powered executive.
BUSTER: So, what are you gonna do?
JAYLYNN: Well, I'm definitely not going to call her. I've tried that and it didn't work. If Gilcania really wants to hang out with me, she can call me herself.
BUSTER: Are you sure that's a good idea? What if she's expecting you to call her and you don't? Then nobody gets what they want.
JAYLYNN: It's better than being a sucker. See, Buster, this is all part of her plan. She makes me think she really wants to talk to me, sets it up in a way where she doesn't have to make a move, and just when I think it's going to happen, she ghosts me again. It's classic.
BUSTER: I think I've done that a couple times.
JAYLYNN: Really, with who?
BUSTER: With RK. Little things like maybe I owe him money or he wants me to get him a sandwich from the corner store. It works every time.
JAYLYNN: I wish you had told me that earlier. Do you know how many chicken parmesans I've bought that kid?
BUSTER: Well, after today, he can buy his own food.
SCENE 8
The Jennings Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
After school, RK watches TV when Sparky walks in.
SPARKY: Hey RK, where's your brother?
RK: Upstairs in his room.
SPARKY: Good.
Sparky marches upstairs while RK watches him.
RK: Is...is KG about to catch a beatdown?
SCENE 9
The Jennings Household
Interior KG's Bedroom
Seattle, Washington
KG is on the phone with someone.
KG: No, some girls look better with long hair. Or at least long enough that they can wrap it up in something.
Sparky opens the door.
KG: Hang on, I'll call you back. What are you doing? You can't just barge in my room.
SPARKY: I'm not your brother and we need to talk. Follow me to my car.
KG: You have the audacity to walk in here, and demand-
SPARKY: Car!
KG: Alright, alright, we'll get in your stupid car.
SCENE 10
The Jennings Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
Sparky has KG by the arm as he leads him to the door.
RK: What's going on here?
SPARKY: I'm taking KG for a ride.
KG: Dude, if I'm not back in two hours, call the cops. Or that hotline that asks you where your children are.
KG and Sparky leave the house.
RK: If Sparky kills my brother, I'm not playing with him anymore.
SCENE 11
Sparky drives while KG is in the passenger's seat.
KG: So, do you want to explain why you're psycho all of a sudden? Did your bum-ass alarm clock put you up to this?
SPARKY: Bitch Clock has nothing to do with this. This is between me and you.
KG: What the hell did I do that would make you want to kill me?
SPARKY: What?! I'm not trying to kill you, are you crazy?
KG: What am I supposed to think? You're driving me somewhere and not saying anything, my next guess is some grave in the ocean.
SPARKY: Dude, I just wanted to talk to you. In a public place so you don't have any control.
KG notices Sparky's car pulling up to Applebee's.
KG: So, you drove me to get appetizers? Great, what a waste of all that dramatic overkill.
Sparky stops the car.
SPARKY: Alright, let's go. I'll say what I have to say when we're settled in.
SCENE 12
Applebee's
Interior Booth
Seattle, Washington
("Chicken Fried" by Zac Brown Band plays over the loudspeakers)
Sparky and KG are seated at the booth surrounded by plates of food.
KG: This place is like a gourmet restaurant and a dive bar at the same time. It's some unsettling shit.
SPARKY: Yeah, that's the appeal. Look, I'm going to keep this short and sweet: What's your problem with me?
KG: Pardon?
SPARKY: Every time we're together, there's always this awkward energy coming from you, like you don't want me around. I don't get it. I'm RK's friend, I've been to your place hundreds of times. But now, it's like you have some issue with me.
KG: You know what my issue is? You disrespected Denise. And the fact that you of all people did it really made me see you differently.
SPARKY: Denise? How did I disrespect Denise? I've never had more than twenty words with Denise.
KG: Don't play dumb, you know exactly what I'm talking about. You didn't think I would find out, but you were too stupid to cover your tracks.
SPARKY: Okay, KG, let's try this. How about you tell me what I said about Denise, and we'll see if the story checks out?
KG: Fine. Rodney and Trevor said that you were making these comments about Denise. Saying she has horse teeth and chicken legs, she's like some 90s TV character that nobody remembers. And you wanted to know what was up with her sister so you could give her the old peanut butter swirl.
SPARKY: Peanut butter swirl?
KG: Don't ask me what that means, you should know. You said it, you old slut.
SPARKY: Okay, in all my years of being on this planet, I've never commented on Denise. I barely know her to even say things like that. She's just your girlfriend that RK occasionally brings up. I didn't even know she had a sister.
KG: Well, Rodney and Trevor heard it from you. They said it.
SPARKY: Think about who's telling you this. Your best friends, one of whom shouldn't even be allowed to vote in the next couple years.
KG: So, what, they made it up?
SPARKY: Yes! Because I don't know them, either! Either they lied to you or they heard it from someone else, gossip spread, and it was somehow placed on me.
KG: Damn. I'm going to kill those guys.
SPARKY: So, do you believe me?
KG: Yes. I'm sorry, man, the story just seemed so real when they told me. The only reason I didn't confront you was out of respect to my brother. I didn't want him to see his friend in the ICU.
SPARKY: I mean, if we ever had a fight, it wouldn't be one-sided.
KG: It would. I'm bigger and stronger than you, I would murk you.
SPARKY: You really wouldn't. I've been in fights before.
KG: Yeah, sissy fights. Kiddie table fights. This is the grandest stage of them all, and on said stage, your hand skills would pale in comparison to mine.
Beat.
SPARKY: So, are you going to find out who was talking shit about Denise?
KG: I sure am and thank you for the appetizers. By the way, I think this was lost in the mail or something.
KG gives Sparky an envelope. He opens it to reveal an invitation to Denise's birthday party.
SPARKY: Thanks.
KG: No problem. Just don't wear anything too fancy. I'm going to be the dominant male at that party and I don't need other guys stealing focus.
SCENE 13
Craig Bartlett Junior High School
Interior Hallway
Seattle, Washington
The next day, the guys are at their lockers.
RK: So you and KG are cool now, huh?
SPARKY: Yup. It was a misunderstanding like I thought it was. Now, all he has to do is figure out where Rodney and Trevor heard that stuff about Denise.
RK: They both smoke weed like chimneys, they were probably crazy high and made up the whole thing.
SPARKY: I know, right?
BUSTER: So, Jaylynn, are you and Gilcania cool now?
RK: Wait, we were done? W-we said you guys could talk?
BUSTER: Seemed like you were done. That's why I made that transition just now.
Beat.
RK: Alright, bro.
JAYLYNN: No, Buster, we're still not cool. My plan worked. I knew Gilcy just wanted to control the situation because she didn't call me. The whole night, not a ring. Except for that bill collector again. I'm going to keep ducking them until they leave me alone.
BUSTER: Are you kidding me? Jaylynn, she's just going to think you have a problem with her now.
JAYLYNN: Then let her think that. I made the right choice because I haven't heard from her since. Believe me, I won this battle.
Beat.
JAYLYNN (CONT.): No, I didn't, I miss her so much!
BUSTER: Knew it.
RK: I don't get it, Jaylynn. If Gilcania doesn't want to talk to you anymore, that's her problem, not yours.
JAYLYNN: I know, but we used to be close. And she's the closest thing I'll ever have to a big sister.
SPARKY: Gilcania's our age.
JAYLYNN: I know, but she always had that older vibe. Cool without even trying. You can tell Ashley tries to imitate that.
BUSTER: It's true, she does.
SPARKY: You know, Jaylynn, if you think Gilcy is worth it, try reaching out again. Let her know something came up last night and you just want to settle the beef before it gets worse.
JAYLYNN: You're right, Sparky. I'm not too proud to want my friend back. It's time for me and Gilcania to have a real conversation.
SCENE 14
The Hernandez Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
That night, Jaylynn looks at her phone.
JAYLYNN: On one hand, if I don't call her, it won't make it seem like I'm desperate. But if I do call her, then I can find out what her problem is. And then I won't have to feel like I need to use the bathroom every time I see her. I have to give it a shot.
Jaylynn tries to call, but it gets dropped immediately.
PHONE: The number you have dialed is not in service. Please try again.
JAYLYNN: What the f***?!
SCENE 15
The Rodriguez Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
Jaylynn talks to Ashley and Sanna.
JAYLYNN: I don't know what's wrong with this girl. Now, she has me blocked? I don't get it, does she want to be friends or not?
SANNA: Sounds like she hates you and she never wants to talk to you again.
ASHLEY: Sanna...
SANNA: What? Am I lying? When I block someone's number or their social media, I'm telling them straight up, "I don't f*** with you anymore and you better leave me alone."
JAYLYNN: I just wish I knew what her problem was. She won't talk to me, she has her little friends speak through her. She's doing all she can to avoid me.
ASHLEY: You know where she lives, right? And don't get fresh by saying, "Yeah, I know where she lives, duh."
JAYLYNN: I wasn't gonna say it like that, but...yeah, I know.
ASHLEY: Then go over there. Tell her everything you need to tell her and if she still won't talk to you, then you figured out who she really is.
SANNA: She hasn't already figured it out?
ASHLEY: I know Gilcy, if she has a problem with you, she's not going to tell you. She does everything quietly.
JAYLYNN: That's right. And I don't do quiet.
SANNA: The way I see it, Gilcania's already moved on. I don't know what you can get from talking to her at this point. She's made it clear where she stands.
JAYLYNN: In her mind, yeah. But if she has any balls, she'll tell me herself.
Jaylynn leaves the house.
SANNA: She just left her plate here?
ASHLEY: See, now I know why it bothers you when I do that.
SANNA: Thank you!
SCENE 16
George Meyer High School
Interior Hallway
Seattle, Washington
Rodney and Trevor walk through the halls.
TREVOR: So, I think our English teacher really liked my paper. She said it was inspired.
RODNEY: Inspired by what? You thinking Disney is trying to introduce sex to little kids?
TREVOR: Hey, you said it. I made it clear I just wanted to start a dialogue.
KG shoves Rodney and Trevor into the lockers.
RODNEY: Come on, man, we're supposed to run laps today.
KG: Then you can run through the pain. Who was talking shit about Denise behind my back?
TREVOR: We told you, it was Sparky.
KG: Bullshit. I checked in with him and he told me no. I was upset with him for no reason. Now, which one of you wants to tell me how you really feel about Denise?
RODNEY: Dude, Denise is our friend. We didn't say those things about her.
KG: Then who said it?
TREVOR: I know who said it. It was Sparky.
KG: It wasn't f***ing Sparky!
TREVOR: Okay, okay, don't yell at me! You're scaring me!
RODNEY: Wait, wait a minute. Trevor, we're so stupid.
KG: What an understatement.
RODNEY: No, we really are stupid. We told you that stuff after we got high and we said it was Sparky, but now that I'm remembering, it wasn't Sparky.
KG: You guys need to start working for Sherlock.
TREVOR: Rodney's right. I know who said it, it was that alarm clock thingy.
RODNEY: Bitch Clock.
TREVOR: Right.
KG: Bitch Clock? Why did he have Denise's name in his mouth?
RODNEY: Because when the Steve Burns thing went down, we were told by Bitch Clock to record everything. We got to talking and when Denise came up, he just started shitting on her.
TREVOR: Yeah, and between us three, he likes to drink a lot of alcohol.
KG: You don't say. So, where's the recording?
RODNEY: I got it right here, K. All the evidence.
Rodney plays the recording from "Live from British Columbia" on his phone.
BITCH CLOCK (V.O.): Nah, I'll tell you who's ugly. That Denise girl. KG's old lady, huh?
TREVOR (V.O.): She's only a sophomore, but yeah.
BITCH CLOCK (V.O.): Wow, she is ugly as f***. Ooh wee, she's got the horse teeth and the chicken legs. How could KG be with someone like that?
RODNEY (V.O.): Stop making meatballs.
BITCH CLOCK (V.O.): I'm just saying, do you know the broads I had when I was his age? Now, he wants to be with Alex Mack? Nobody even remembers that show.
TREVOR (V.O.): Maybe not, but I was crazy about CatDog.
BITCH CLOCK (V.O.): You know who I'm crazy about? That Danielle you guys showed me. Now, that's a fine-ass woman. KG probably wishes he could hit that. I know I do. I don't care if her nether regions tasted like tequila. I'd go down there and give her the peanut butter swirl like aaaaaaahhhh.
KG turns off the recording.
KG: Send me that recording. I have things to do.
KG slams his locker shut, then leaves.
RODNEY: He has murder in his eyes. I know it.
TREVOR: Hey, I know that talking coffee pot was out of line, but he was right about Danielle. She deserves the peanut butter swirl.
Rodney looks at Trevor angrily.
TREVOR (CONT.): Admit it, she does.
SCENE 17
Craig Bartlett Junior High School
Interior Lunchroom
Seattle, Washington
Jaylynn walks into the cafeteria and sees Gilcania talking to her friends. She looks annoyed and sighs.
JAYLYNN: If you don't want to be home when I come over, we can do it now.
Jaylynn walks up to Gilcania.
JAYLYNN (CONT.): Gilcy, we need to talk.
GILCANIA: About what?
JAYLYNN: About everything. About us, our friendship, you freezing me out all the time.
GILCANIA: I don't know what you're talking about, boo-boo, but I think you need to leave me alone.
JAYLYNN: Oh, I see. You act all different with your new friends because you want to be Hollywood. You want to forget your old friends. But I'm the best friend you've ever had in your life, and I'll be damned if you let me forget that.
GILCANIA: You were a horrible friend.
JAYLYNN: What? What did you just say?
DINA: Jaylynn, go away. This is why Gilcy doesn't want to hang out with you, you're an annoying bitch.
JAYLYNN: The only bitches I see are at this table.
Gilcania gets up.
GILCANIA: Honey, do you want to repeat what you just said to me?
JAYLYNN: What I just called you? In what language? Bitch or perra?
Gilcania punches Jaylynn in the face and she looks almost shocked as she starts to bleed from her nose and kids scream in the background. The scene momentarily cuts to a flashback of Jaylynn's conversation with Anja.
JAYLYNN: She's like family, and I don't want to fight with my family.
Cut back to the present day. Jaylynn gets up and punches Gilcania back, then the two start to fight. Gilcania's friends join in and try to separate the two, but it eventually turns into Jaylynn being ganged up on by Gilcania and her friends at the same time. A teacher blows the whistle as he tries to get Jaylynn and the girls separated.
SCENE 18
Craig Bartlett Junior High School
Interior Detention Room
Seattle, Washington
Jaylynn, Gilcania, Dina, and Gilcania's two other friends are all separated. Jaylynn looks at the clock, then at Gilcania, who shakes her head and puts it down.
SCENE 19
Craig Bartlett Junior High School
Interior Hallway
Seattle, Washington
Later on, Jaylynn sees Gilcania at the water fountain and walks up to her.
JAYLYNN: So, that was a pretty big day, you would agree?
GILCANIA: Don't talk to me.
JAYLYNN: Look, even though you needed three people to take me down, at least you got some shots in so you're not that pussy.
GILCANIA: Baby, are you stupid? I said, don't talk to me.
JAYLYNN: I don't know why you're acting like I'm the one who did something to you. Do you know how many times I called you, texted you, went on Instagram? I got nothing back. I wanted to keep being friends, but all you did was abandon me. I don't know what happened to you, but this new Gilcania can go to hell.
Jaylynn starts to walk away.
GILCANIA: Oh no. You need to hear this. Do you know why I stopped talking to you? Because you stopped talking to me.
JAYLYNN: When did I do that? We were always friends.
GILCANIA: No, we just talked to the same people, there's a difference. You put everybody else before me. Your boys, Anja, Halley, Ashley. Any time you wanted to hang out with someone, it was always them, never me. You never checked in on me, never came over, never took the time out your schedule to see what I was doing. It was always about you.
JAYLYNN: Well, if you've been paying attention lately, I tried that and you didn't want it.
GILCANIA: Because you had no choice, honey. I'm the only girl you know in this school, that's why you wanted to get close again. And when I decided to let it go, and give you another chance, you didn't call me.
JAYLYNN: Wait, you actually wanted to talk? You weren't just plotting on me?
GILCANIA: No! Don't you get it? I was always there for you, but you were never there for me. Now, you want to act like I was the bad friend? Get the f*** out of here, Jaylynn.
Gilcania walks away from Jaylynn and leaves the school.
JAYLYNN: Am I too young for all this dramatic shit? I have to be.
SCENE 20
The MacDougal Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
That night, KG plays Rodney's recording for Sparky.
BITCH CLOCK (V.O.): I don't care if her nether regions tasted like tequila. I'd go down there and give her the peanut butter swirl like aaaaaaahhhh.
SPARKY: Okay, turn it off.
KG: Yeah, it gets worse. The rest of it is just him ranting about girls sending Steve Burns their panties through registered mail.
SPARKY: You turned it off and you're still talking about it?
KG: I'm sorry. But now we both know the truth.
SPARKY: It looks like we do.
Beat.
KG: So?
SPARKY: So?
KG: So, what are we going to do about this? Bitch Clock ruined everything. He violated my girlfriend, violated my girlfriend's sister, made us have beef. He needs to get dealt with.
SPARKY: KG, I'm not going to lie to you. I'm tired.
KG: Then take a nap and we'll do this tomorrow. Either way, this has to get done.
SPARKY: No, emotionally tired. I gave up on expecting anything from Bitch Clock after he lied about being sober, so I don't have anything to say to him about this.
KG: Well, I still think we should do something. I don't want that stupid clock talking about Denise ever again.
SPARKY: Yeah, I understand. How about we do something different? Have a little fun?
KG: What do you mean?
SPARKY: I mean, he wants Danielle so bad, then let's give him Danielle.
KG: Man, Danielle's not going to come here and deal with this nonsense. I don't want her meeting your clock, ever.
SPARKY: She doesn't have to come. We just make Bitch Clock think she is, and then when the moment of truth comes, he'll be the most embarrassed man in Seattle.
KG: And hey. How about we have that moment of truth at Denise's party?
SPARKY: I like it. In the immortal words of your brother, this is a Sparky and KG signature moment.
KG: Oh, that's why he keeps saying signature moment. I thought that was just a nervous tic or something.
Bitch Clock is heard walking downstairs.
SPARKY: Here he comes. Follow my lead.
Bitch Clock walks downstairs and sees Sparky and KG smiling at him.
BITCH CLOCK: Why the hell are you guys looking at me like that? I mean, I know I look good, but that's in general, not just today.
KG: Danielle thinks so, too.
BITCH CLOCK: Danielle? Who's that?
SPARKY: You remember Danielle, right, Bitch Clock? From the recording?
BITCH CLOCK: What recording?
SPARKY: You know, that night me and the guys were in Vancouver while you, Rodney, and Trevor were planning to go after Steve Burns? The peanut butter swirl?
BITCH CLOCK: Oh shit, you heard that?
KG: Every single detail.
BITCH CLOCK: Look, I wanted them to start recording after we went into Barnes and Noble, not before.
SPARKY: That's okay, Bitch Clock. Because KG sent the recording to Denise, who sent it to Danielle and she wants to meet you.
BITCH CLOCK: Oh, really? Danielle wants to meet me? That fine-ass woman?
KG: You know it. She wants to find out if you're the man, or just the man standing next to the man.
BITCH CLOCK: I'm the man. I've been the man way before you could call yourself the man.
SPARKY: Hey, don't give us these lines. Save 'em for Danielle. Treat yourself.
KG: That's right, practice your swirl game.
BITCH CLOCK: I can't believe this is about to happen. Wait, when is this happening?
SPARKY: She's coming to Denise's birthday party. After that, you two crazy kids go do whatever you want.
BITCH CLOCK: Well, it may be Denise's birthday, but if I'm lucky, I'll end up seeing Danielle's birthday suit.
KG: Why not?
Bitch Clock nods his head, does a little shimmy, then walks into the kitchen. Sparky and KG laugh among themselves trying not to be heard.
SCENE 21
The Hernandez Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
Jaylynn watches TV when Anja walks in.
ANJA: Hey.
JAYLYNN: I messed up.
ANJA: You know you didn't mess up.
JAYLYNN: Of course, I did. What did you hear about today?
ANJA: You and Gilcy got in a fight, some words were exchanged, and now, you two hate each other.
JAYLYNN: Damn, Buster and RK work fast. But they don't know the whole story.
ANJA: What's the whole story?
JAYLYNN: Gilcania chewed me out. She finally told me why she's been acting differently. She was just matching my energy towards her.
ANJA: What?
JAYLYNN: She thinks I abandoned her and I always valued you guys over her. Now, she's turned it around on me.
ANJA: But two wrongs don't make a right. How is her doing the same thing you did help solve the problem?
JAYLYNN: It doesn't. But it makes me realize that I'm not as good a friend as I thought I was.
ANJA: Come on, Jaylynn, you know that's not true.
JAYLYNN: Of course, it is. All this time we were hanging out, I never asked her how she felt about things. I never said, "Hey, I'm hanging out with Gilcy today." Where's our stories, our moments? When I really think about it, me and Gilcania weren't friends. We were just acquaintances.
ANJA: Okay, sure. Let's say all of that is true. Now that everything's out in the open, you guys can be friends for real. Have a clean slate, start all over.
JAYLYNN: If it was up to me, yeah. But it's not. I can't fix all those years of just being around. Gilcania deserves friends that really care about her. I just have to accept the fact that I'm not one of them.
ANJA: Is there anything you want me to do?
JAYLYNN: No. You could just sit here with me.
ANJA: Of course.
Jaylynn curls up into a ball on the couch and Anja rubs her hair.
ANJA (CONT.): There, there. You're a good Jaylynn.
JAYLYNN: What the hell?
ANJA: I'm being supportive.
JAYLYNN: By treating me like a horse?
ANJA: Yes. Because right now, you're my horse.
Beat.
JAYLYNN: Can I be like those ponies from Friendship is Magic?
ANJA: I don't know what that is, but if you want to be a pony, you be a pony.
JAYLYNN: Dope.
SCENE 22
The MacDougal Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
On the night of Denise's birthday, Sparky gets ready in the mirror when "Birthday Sex" by Jeremih starts playing in the background.
SPARKY: Where the hell is that coming from?
Sparky looks around the room and checks the cushions on his couch as "Birthday Sex" gets louder. Cut to Bitch Clock as he walks downstairs with the song playing from his phone.
BITCH CLOCK: Tonight's going to be a very special night.
SPARKY: This is weird. Before, you had a thing for Aunt Suzanne. Now, you're in love with KG's girlfriend's sister?
BITCH CLOCK: Hey, Suzanne will never escape my mind. But I'm going to give her time to realize she needs to be with a real man. In the meantime, I'm going to sample the other candy that's out there. Just because you love Skittles, doesn't mean you can't have a little Starburst.
SPARKY: And Danielle is Starburst?
BITCH CLOCK: Exactly. Don't worry, I'm not in the habit of catching feelings. This is just about tonight.
SPARKY: I wasn't worried, but look, when we get there, don't draw attention to yourself. Just go with Danielle to wherever and do your thing.
BITCH CLOCK: Please, I know how to be discreet. That's why when I was making those ads, every girl I slept with had to sign an NDA.
SPARKY: Oh, God.
BITCH CLOCK: It's true. Others can have their business out in the streets if they want to, but not me. I'm too classy for that.
SPARKY: The other day, you were drinking Miller Lite out of a cat bowl.
BITCH CLOCK: Well, it's not like it was being used for anything.
SPARKY: It was my cat's bowl! I paid $60 for it and I had to throw it out!
BITCH CLOCK: That's what you get for letting the media gas you into thinking pets deserve that stuff.
SCENE 23
The Fletcher Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
("Hate Our Love" by Queen Naija featuring Big Sean plays in the background)
The room is filled up for Denise's party. Wade takes out some punch from a bowl when Buster and RK walk up to him.
RK: Is it just me or are you guys bored, too?
WADE: It's not just you. I have nothing against Denise, but I feel awkward being around these older kids. What are they eating?
BUSTER: It's not that bad. There were two girls earlier pinching my cheeks. One of them even gave me her number, see?
Buster shows off a piece of paper that RK and Wade look at.
RK: Nice work, Buster.
WADE: Why did she write "call me when you're 16" at the end?
BUSTER: Because I'm not 16 yet. When I am, she'll be ready to give me a chance.
WADE: So, she's waiting for you to get older so it's less creepy? Even though by the time you're 16, she'll be in college?
Beat.
BUSTER: Should I expose her on Twitter?
Cut to Sparky as he walks up to KG and taps him on his suit.
KG: Good, you know how to follow my instructions. Where's Bitch Clock?
SPARKY: Upstairs in the guest room getting ready for Danielle. He bought a container of chocolate-covered strawberries.
KG: What a loser. Okay, you text him and tell him that Danielle's coming up. Instead, it will be me. You lock the door so he can't get out.
SPARKY: What if he tries to escape through the window?
KG: If he does, you're going to have to buy a new alarm clock.
SPARKY: Technically, I didn't buy Bitch Clock, he just showed up at my doorstep and you don't give a shit about this story, do you?
KG: Not really.
SPARKY: Well, I texted him. You have the green light.
KG: Cool.
KG and Sparky walk upstairs when Denise stops them.
DENISE: Hey, where are you guys going?
KG: Oh, we're just about to go...check on the fondue.
KG and Sparky run upstairs.
DENISE: What the hell is fondue?
SCENE 24
The Fletcher Household
Interior Guest Room
Seattle, Washington
("Birthday Sex" is heard playing on Bitch Clock's phone again)
Bitch Clock lays on the bed striking a seductive pose with a rose in his mouth. Candles are lit, rose petals cover the bed, and a bottle of Dom Perignon is seen on the dresser. Somebody knocks on the door.
BITCH CLOCK: It's open, gorgeous.
KG opens the door wide with a serious look on his face.
BITCH CLOCK (CONT.): KG, you idiot. You're messing up the vibes, send in Danielle.
KG: Danielle's not here, you stupid son of a bitch!
BITCH CLOCK: Pardon?
KG: You're not pardoned. You think I was gonna let you get away with disrespecting my girl and her sister? You thought you were about to get lucky in my girlfriend's house? On her birthday?!
BITCH CLOCK: That's exactly what I thought. But it looks like this was all a con so I'm gonna head out.
KG: Oh no, you're not. You're not going anywhere tonight.
Beat.
BITCH CLOCK: Dude, I know I was ready for some action, but that doesn't mean I want you to take Danielle's place.
SCENE 25
The Fletcher Household
Interior Hallway
Seattle, Washington
Sparky stands in front of the locked guest room filing his nails with a bored expression while Bitch Clock's screams are heard.
KG (V.O.): You jackass, I'll kill you!
BITCH CLOCK (V.O.): Noooooo! Not the Dom P!
The sound of the Dom Perignon bottle breaking is heard, along with a thud. Sparky unlocks the door and KG walks out breathing heavily.
KG: The closest he'll get to Danielle is her Instagram pictures. Just like I told Trevor.
KG shakes his head and walks back downstairs. Sparky goes inside the room and sees an incapacitated Bitch Clock on the floor, covered in Dom Perignon and pieces of glass while "Birthday Sex" continues playing.
SPARKY: I'm not cleaning that up.
Sparky closes the door, then locks it again.
SCENE 26
Craig Bartlett Junior High School
Interior Hallway
Seattle, Washington
Gilcania talks to her friends when Jaylynn walks up to them.
DINA: Oh, hell no, why are you always here?
JAYLYNN: I just wanted to say something to Gilcania.
DINA: She has nothing to say to you. Go away.
GILCANIA: Dina, I can speak for myself. What do you want?
JAYLYNN: I'm sorry. For everything. I wasn't a good friend to you, and you have every right to be mad at me. That's it.
Jaylynn nods her head and walks away. Gilcania has a confused look on her face. Jaylynn walks over to the guys.
JAYLYNN: You guys ready for lunch?
RK: Sure.
BUSTER: Jaylynn, are you going to be okay? This is crazy, you and Gilcy not being friends anymore?
JAYLYNN: This was a long time coming. In the future, maybe we can be cool again, but right now, I have to live with what I did.
SPARKY: Well, for what it's worth, you don't have to worry about that happening with any of us.
JAYLYNN: Thanks, Sparky.
SPARKY: Although, I heard Wade's been feeling pretty alienated from you. It's almost like he doesn't know you anymore.
JAYLYNN: What the hell did I do to him?!
SPARKY: Ha, got ya.
JAYLYNN: You bitch.
Jaylynn punches Sparky on the arm and the guys laugh as they walk into the cafeteria. Cut to black.
("Trust" by Nas plays over the end credits)
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