Katniss Everdeen, no scratch that, Mellark was in her weekly therapy session. One that she was committed to, to be able to heal spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Her therapist asked, her a key question. Who do you think you are? It was how she came to a startling revelation.
I do not own the Hunger Games
It was therapy day.
Katniss took a deep breath before commenting with the good doctor.
"Good Morning Katniss," Dr. Aurelius said.
Behind her Peeta waved, "Hi Doc."
"Peeta," Dr. Aurelius greeted.
"I know, I know, I'm leaving-" Peeta placed squeezed her shoulder. "I'll be outside gardening."
Katniss smiled lifting her head for a chaste kiss. She sighed as Peeta walked away. Katniss turned her attention back to Dr. Aurelius.
Dr. Aurelius knows he cannot treat Katniss like any other patient. "Who do you think you are?" he asked.
"Who do I think I am?" Katniss wrinkled her nose in disgust. She loathed when the doctor asked her those types of questions. The ones that made her examine herself. Those were the hardest therapy sessions. Katniss hoped this session would be an easy one.
"Katniss."
Katniss sighed. Though she hated to admit it, these weekly sessions over the chat portal did help.
After the war, when Peeta came back, Katniss knew she was messed up. She wanted Peeta in her life but she couldn't even take care of herself. Doing these weekly sessions helped Katniss discover who she was at that point in her life. She was able to put into words what she wanted, and more importantly, it helped her deal with her grief and guilt. Her guilt was overwhelming at times. Katniss still needed to hide in a dark closet to decompress.
At the beginning of her healing journey, she had many moments where she needed that time to simply be. It didn't take much to send her into a closet: a word, a smell, heck, even a look could send her spiraling. It wasn't easy in the beginning for her and Peeta. Their one goal was to stay together. To simply be Katniss and Peeta, not as the star-crossed lovers, rebels, victors, or tributes. That meant individual sessions as well as joint couple sessions.
Ten years later she was far more equipped to deal with the life-changing events that she and Peeta were going through. Just under three weeks ago she had a toasting with Peeta. It was new and scary but wonderful and life-affirming.
Getting hitched was something her younger sixteen-year-old self would have balked at. Katniss wryly thought of how that meeting would have gone.
"Katniss, tell me, who do you think you are?" Dr. Aurelius repeated, staring at her while raising his eyebrow.
Katniss winced. "You know I don't like doing this."
"I know."
"And you still make me do it."
The doctor gave her a pointed look.
"Fine."
"Let us start with the things you are not."
"I am not Katniss Everdeen, I am not the Mockingjay, I am not a killer, I am not the enemy, I am NOT a symbol, and I'm not a piece in anyone's games." She was glad she was no longer a commodity for people to use. She was still fiery about that, her anonymity and privacy were highly important to her. "I'm no longer a tribute, I am not a mutt, I'm no one's cousin, I'm not starving, I'm not a soldier."
"You've never been able to follow rules," Dr. Aurelius' snorted. His methods were sometimes unusual, but they worked for Katniss.
"Well, that's true. As you've discovered." There were times when he tried to assign her homework and Katniss didn't do it while Peeta always did.
"Go on."
"I'm not tall…" Katniss chuckled at that one. She was vertically challenged as Delly often said. When she stood next to Peeta she looked tiny.
"I am glad you can find humor in the list."
"Well it's that Peeta is big," Katniss couldn't help the smile that permeated her face. Her boy with the bread was no longer of average height. He had shot up after coming back from the Capitol. The peace, good food, and tranquility allowed his body to morph. He was taller, his shoulders broader, and his body was not lean muscle like Finnick's – it was stocky and delicious. Katniss' mouth watered whenever she pictured his upper body. The strength he held made her shudder. She shifted in her seat.
"Anything else…"
"I'm not a child or a teenage girl," Katniss said. Sometimes people expected her to be that same teenager. "And I'm not unstable."
Dr. Aurelius steepled his fingers, whenever he did that it meant there was something he would talk to her about.
"Alright let's go through the things you are."
"Okay," Katniss sighed as she began, "I am Katniss Mellark, I am twenty-seven, I am a wife, I am a Victor, I am a survivor, and I am a resident of District Twelve." She took a deep breath before continuing, "I'm a friend, I'm a lover, I'm still young, but I feel old sometimes. I'm a war hero, and I am the neighbor to someone who owns stupid geese," Katniss growled.
Those damned fowl were forever getting into her gardens. She had half a mind to shoot them, but they kept Haymitch happy, so she didn't touch the damned birds.
The doctor raised an eyebrow.
Katniss continued quickly. "I'm a hunter, I am a songbird." She smiled fondly. Peeta loved it when she sang or hummed around the house. In the early years, when Peeta had frequent episodes, Katniss would sing and that helped him come out of his hijacked-induced spells. Singing also brought her closer to her father, Abe.
"I'm a daughter of Abraham Everdeen. I am a woman, and I'd…" She clamped her mouth shut as she realized what she was going to say next.
"Katniss," Dr. Aurelius said.
"I," she said, then closed her mouth.
"When you said you were not unstable what did you mean?"
She'd been thinking about it for a long time. The thoughts began in an arena many years prior. A secret wish that had bloomed into a desperate desire. That small thought was like a seed that was buried deep underground for a long time. It didn't germinate because the ground above was frozen. But the winter ended and the snow melted. Water seeped into the ground and began to provide that seed with nutrients, and before she knew it, it was sprouting and trying to push through to the surface.
This was where she was at. She needed to push through the earth and face the sun so that she could continue to blossom.
Katniss closed her eyes. The words began coming out of her mouth. "I'm not crazy or suicidal. I'm not afraid of the future. I may have trepidations and the thought of the Hunger Games or another war terrifies me, but I'm not unstable. I'm in the best place mentally, emotionally, and physically. I'm looking forward to the future, a future with Peeta's kids." Katniss paused and with a shaky breath she uttered, "His kids." She opened her eyes, "Our kids." A tear fell from her eyes and with an aching want she said, "My children…"
"I think we should call Peeta in," Dr. Aurelius said.
Katniss nodded. It was time for Peeta to learn that she was ready and wanted to become a mother.
This a special Mother's Day Drabble about how I believe Katniss decided to become a mother. It's been in my head forever. I even made an artwork with all of the labels Katniss carries with her. I truly believe that she and Peeta did not have children until she was mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally better...having a child is not an easy thing, and not all women have an easy time.
I love that Suzanne wrote that it wasn't easy for Katniss. Being a parent is not an easy thing, so to all of you parents regardless of who you are, if you're courageous enough to have a child, (even if you didn't give birth) I hope you know you're awesome.
Also, I wanted to thank my extraordinary Beta Norbertsmom. It's always so much fun working with her and she makes me look like a diamond.