I.
She wasn't sure how they had become friends; one day, they just were. Then, on her first day joining the staff, there was some silent acknowledgement that they were both the same sort: rough around the edges and generally lacking in couth.
And that was putting it nicely.
They were both grounded, foul-mouthed witches who were exalted worshippers of Dionysus in a previous life. Somehow the crazy in Tully Hart had sniffed out the crazy in Pomona Sprout, and Tully couldn't be happier to have such a stalwart friend. Particularly one that had such remarkable growing skills. And unfettered access to a greenhouse. Pom had some of the best weed Tully had ever had the privilege to take part in.
Many days over the summer had been spent with Tully sitting in Hogwart's vast greenhouses, working on her lesson plans for the start of the year, bullshitting with Pom, a bottle of beer in one hand and a cigarette hanging from her lips.
Unfortunately, both witches were now sober and sitting at a large table for a final meeting regarding the student's arrival in two days. So it was a hostage situation with tea. And the truth of that was written across all the bored faces of the staff.
She was situated at the end of the table between Pomona and Severus, as it was closest to the exit. Pomona had gone into a weird trance-like state about five minutes into the Headmaster's beginning of the term lecture. Tully assumed this was a finely honed skill after attending this meeting many times over the years.
Meanwhile, Severus was obviously just angry that he was there. Again. Tully thought he was the pleasant sort. When he was silent. The rest of the time, he was just...well, still angry...but with a flair that really required jazz hands, in a vaguely gothic and miserable sort of way.
"It is vital that we instil in the students the necessary abilities to..." Dumbledore droned on.
"Speak in full sentences," Tully muttered under her breath. The sound caught Snape's attention as an eyebrow raised, and his gaze flitted to her and immediately returned to the Headmaster.
"I believe these children are our future..." Dumbledore continued, unaware of her quiet dialogue.
"Merlin's balls, are we fucked," She retorted to herself.
Or at least she thought it was to herself until Snape snorted next to her, quickly trying to cover it with a cough.
She side-eyed him but said nothing.
After several more minutes of eye-roll-worthy soap-boxing about the importance of distilling the children or whatever, they were finally dismissed.
Tully made a mad dash for the door, but she wasn't the only one with the idea. She pushed Severus down in an attempt to beat him to the exit.
"How dare you!" He said from the floor and through gritted teeth.
Tully briefly glanced behind her at Severus' prone figure.
"You're fine," she rolled her eyes. "Stop being a bitch and get off the floor."
With that, she was out the door, shoulder to shoulder with Pom, not giving the professor on his ass another thought.
Severus righted himself and turned to the Headmaster.
"That woman is insufferable, Albus! I cannot believe you put her on staff," Snape raged.
"She doesn't seem bothered by it," Dumbledore said.
The tall professor stared at the Headmaster for a long second before skulking back to his dungeon.